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1
00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,605
Go on, draw.
You ain't got nothin'.
2
00:00:13,729 --> 00:00:16,948
Hey, hey, wait a minute.
Where did you get that $300?
3
00:00:22,755 --> 00:00:23,905
Uh, hello?
4
00:00:25,791 --> 00:00:26,824
What?
5
00:00:26,892 --> 00:00:28,610
You gonna bless me or...
6
00:00:28,677 --> 00:00:31,313
Oh. I thought
that was a cough.
7
00:00:31,330 --> 00:00:33,114
No. It was a sneeze.
8
00:00:34,149 --> 00:00:36,200
Couldn't tell.
9
00:00:36,268 --> 00:00:37,735
Well, a civilized
person would ask
10
00:00:37,803 --> 00:00:38,970
was that a cough or a sneeze?
11
00:00:39,037 --> 00:00:40,521
Then if I tell you
it's a sneeze,
12
00:00:40,589 --> 00:00:42,340
you'd come back with a
nice "God bless you."
13
00:00:42,408 --> 00:00:43,675
Gotta be honest
with you, Doug,
14
00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:45,860
that sounds
like a lot of work.
15
00:00:46,679 --> 00:00:47,896
Oh, ok, it's a lot of work
16
00:00:47,963 --> 00:00:49,397
asking God
17
00:00:49,465 --> 00:00:51,616
to bless your husband.
18
00:00:52,851 --> 00:00:54,219
Shame on you.
19
00:00:55,704 --> 00:00:57,288
Ok, God bless you,
20
00:00:57,356 --> 00:00:58,740
God be with you, godspeed,
21
00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:01,359
and I'll even throw in
a bonus gesundheit.
22
00:01:01,427 --> 00:01:03,094
You happy now?
23
00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:04,645
I don't think
that was very sincere.
24
00:01:04,713 --> 00:01:06,214
Well, that's all
you're gettin', bub.
25
00:01:06,282 --> 00:01:07,449
Fine.
26
00:01:14,623 --> 00:01:17,158
Oh, I got nothing to say.
27
00:01:17,226 --> 00:01:19,995
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
28
00:01:20,062 --> 00:01:22,831
♪ my back is gettin' tight
29
00:01:22,898 --> 00:01:24,916
♪ I'm sittin' here
in traffic ♪
30
00:01:24,983 --> 00:01:27,969
♪ on the queensboro bridge
tonight ♪
31
00:01:28,036 --> 00:01:33,408
♪ but I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪
32
00:01:33,475 --> 00:01:37,312
♪ is cash my check
and drive right home to you ♪
33
00:01:38,764 --> 00:01:40,698
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
34
00:01:40,766 --> 00:01:43,468
♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪
35
00:01:54,513 --> 00:01:56,647
What are you doing?
36
00:01:56,715 --> 00:01:58,482
Circuit training.
37
00:02:00,185 --> 00:02:03,721
Right now,
I'm in between sets.
38
00:02:03,789 --> 00:02:06,190
Doug, the accountant's gonna
be here in, like, 20 minutes.
39
00:02:06,258 --> 00:02:08,418
You're supposed to be getting
all your papers together.
40
00:02:08,427 --> 00:02:10,061
Where's your w-2,
all your receipts?
41
00:02:10,128 --> 00:02:11,612
Easy, mama.
42
00:02:12,948 --> 00:02:14,132
They're just pieces of paper.
43
00:02:14,233 --> 00:02:15,333
It'll take me 2 seconds.
44
00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:16,718
Yeah, do you know
where they are?
45
00:02:16,785 --> 00:02:17,769
Me? No.
46
00:02:17,836 --> 00:02:19,771
Ok. Well,
go find them.
47
00:02:19,838 --> 00:02:21,039
Come on.
Let's go. Let's go.
48
00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:28,012
Hey!
49
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,346
Hey, Kirby.
50
00:02:32,517 --> 00:02:35,486
Is something supposed to
be happening here?
51
00:02:35,504 --> 00:02:36,955
Kirby,
don't you have something
52
00:02:37,006 --> 00:02:38,072
you want to say to Doug?
53
00:02:38,140 --> 00:02:40,908
Hi. My name is
Kirby Palmer,
54
00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:42,977
and I'm a student at
the Robert hoover school.
55
00:02:43,045 --> 00:02:44,378
Well, hello!
56
00:02:44,446 --> 00:02:45,546
Dad!
57
00:02:45,614 --> 00:02:47,865
You're not supposed to
interrupt him.
58
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,068
I didn't know there was more.
59
00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:51,185
It's ok.
It's--it's ok.
60
00:02:51,253 --> 00:02:52,220
Can I start over?
61
00:02:52,355 --> 00:02:53,454
Sure, buddy!
62
00:02:53,522 --> 00:02:54,488
Hi.
63
00:02:54,556 --> 00:02:56,391
My name is Kirby Palmer,
64
00:02:56,458 --> 00:02:59,444
and I'm a student at
the Robert hoover school.
65
00:02:59,511 --> 00:03:01,713
We are selling candy bars
66
00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:04,265
to raise money to--
67
00:03:04,333 --> 00:03:05,633
to--
68
00:03:05,701 --> 00:03:07,384
to renovate
the school library.
69
00:03:07,452 --> 00:03:08,636
Can I start over?
70
00:03:08,638 --> 00:03:09,688
Actually, you know what?
71
00:03:09,755 --> 00:03:10,922
I--I like
what I heard,
72
00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:12,190
especially that
part about candy.
73
00:03:12,257 --> 00:03:13,224
I'll take it.
74
00:03:13,292 --> 00:03:14,325
Ok, that's $5.
75
00:03:14,393 --> 00:03:15,961
Here, you can read
up on the library.
76
00:03:16,028 --> 00:03:17,896
I'm sure you'll get
right on that.
77
00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:21,967
Wow!
78
00:03:22,034 --> 00:03:24,335
I'm the mayor of
chocolate town!
79
00:03:25,404 --> 00:03:26,871
Let's all sign the declaration
80
00:03:26,939 --> 00:03:28,923
of chocola-pendence!
81
00:03:29,625 --> 00:03:30,775
Uh, are you done?
82
00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:33,428
'Cause we got
a lot of houses to hit.
83
00:03:33,496 --> 00:03:35,063
Yeah, I'm done.
84
00:03:35,130 --> 00:03:36,547
All right, cool. Say thanks, Kirby.
All right. Later!
85
00:03:36,615 --> 00:03:37,715
Thank you.
86
00:03:37,783 --> 00:03:38,916
All right.
87
00:03:40,152 --> 00:03:41,152
Who was that?
88
00:03:41,219 --> 00:03:42,486
Was that the accountant?
89
00:03:42,554 --> 00:03:44,188
Did you send him away?
90
00:03:44,256 --> 00:03:47,158
What are you,
in love with this guy?
91
00:03:47,225 --> 00:03:48,660
It was Kirby and Deacon.
92
00:03:48,727 --> 00:03:50,461
I bought a candy
bar for his school.
93
00:03:50,529 --> 00:03:51,963
Oh. Boy,
that looks good.
94
00:03:52,031 --> 00:03:53,131
Break me off a piece?
95
00:03:53,198 --> 00:03:55,233
What?
Break me off a piece.
96
00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:01,989
Wow, you'd think
I asked you for a kidney.
97
00:04:02,057 --> 00:04:03,424
See, people think
98
00:04:03,492 --> 00:04:05,593
just because it's pre-divided
into little squares,
99
00:04:05,661 --> 00:04:07,995
that it's meant to be shared.
100
00:04:08,063 --> 00:04:10,748
Suddenly, it belongs
to the community.
101
00:04:10,816 --> 00:04:12,317
Yeah, it's an outrage.
102
00:04:15,554 --> 00:04:16,938
So I figure it's best for you
103
00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:18,940
to make the maximum
401-k contribution.
104
00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:20,174
You'll take home less now,
105
00:04:20,242 --> 00:04:21,776
but in the end, you make more.
106
00:04:21,843 --> 00:04:24,003
Oh, uh, Carrie, I'm gonna
need your w-2 from last year.
107
00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:25,079
Oh, yeah.
Right here.
108
00:04:25,147 --> 00:04:26,480
Would you like
some more coffee?
109
00:04:26,548 --> 00:04:28,416
Oh, no, thanks, but, uh,
110
00:04:28,483 --> 00:04:30,318
I have been
eyeing that chocolate.
111
00:04:34,673 --> 00:04:36,591
Mind if I snag a piece?
112
00:04:37,376 --> 00:04:38,760
No problem.
113
00:04:43,265 --> 00:04:44,766
Thanks.
114
00:04:45,333 --> 00:04:46,700
Ok, moving on,
115
00:04:46,769 --> 00:04:48,887
oh, do you have a list of
the charitable donations
116
00:04:48,954 --> 00:04:50,989
you made for the year?
117
00:04:51,056 --> 00:04:53,992
Well, we don't
keep a list per se,
118
00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:56,744
um, but I know
119
00:04:56,812 --> 00:05:00,080
we definitely--definitely
gave to charity.
120
00:05:00,148 --> 00:05:02,684
Oh, ok.
Definitely.
121
00:05:02,751 --> 00:05:04,319
I just-- I--I just
gotta, um,
122
00:05:04,386 --> 00:05:06,387
I just gotta
think for a second.
123
00:05:08,923 --> 00:05:10,258
Charity...
124
00:05:11,110 --> 00:05:12,510
Charity...
125
00:05:16,815 --> 00:05:19,266
Do-nay-shee-un.
126
00:05:24,306 --> 00:05:25,340
Oh, wait!
127
00:05:25,407 --> 00:05:26,574
Wait a second.
128
00:05:26,641 --> 00:05:29,677
We gave, uh, $15
to--to the animal shelter.
129
00:05:29,745 --> 00:05:31,896
And, oh, $20 to
that rainforest fund.
130
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:34,084
You remember, there was that
booth at the supermarket?
131
00:05:34,099 --> 00:05:37,135
Yeah, uh, we got a certificate
signed by sting.
132
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,304
Is that it?
133
00:05:40,422 --> 00:05:43,007
We also gave
money to h.B.O.
134
00:05:44,543 --> 00:05:46,694
Honey?
It's not charity.
135
00:05:46,762 --> 00:05:48,229
It's paying your bill.
136
00:05:49,748 --> 00:05:51,131
Excuse me,
137
00:05:51,199 --> 00:05:52,784
they do a lot of educational
documentaries.
138
00:05:52,851 --> 00:05:54,618
Like, last week,
I learned that 2 dwarfs
139
00:05:54,686 --> 00:05:56,037
can have
a regular-sized kid.
140
00:05:56,104 --> 00:05:57,739
It was fascinating.
141
00:06:01,643 --> 00:06:03,177
So, with the shelter,
142
00:06:03,245 --> 00:06:04,545
and the sting thing,
143
00:06:04,613 --> 00:06:06,280
your total for the year is
144
00:06:06,348 --> 00:06:07,849
$35.
145
00:06:08,984 --> 00:06:10,251
Wow.
146
00:06:10,319 --> 00:06:13,504
You guys really knocked
yourselves out there, huh?
147
00:06:19,745 --> 00:06:21,612
What an attitude on that jerk!
148
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:23,381
I mean, who is he to judge us?
149
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,249
He takes chocolate
he wasn't even offered,
150
00:06:25,317 --> 00:06:27,185
but we're the bad guys.
151
00:06:27,252 --> 00:06:28,353
I don't think so.
152
00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:29,787
Yeah, and it's not like
153
00:06:29,855 --> 00:06:31,389
you have to give charity
to be charitable!
154
00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:32,790
I mean,
it's the way you say hi.
155
00:06:32,858 --> 00:06:35,159
It's the way you smile at people.
Yeah!
156
00:06:35,227 --> 00:06:38,096
Although you don't smile
at people a whole lot.
157
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:39,681
Stop! Neither do you.
158
00:06:39,748 --> 00:06:40,815
I--I--I smile constantly.
159
00:06:40,882 --> 00:06:42,650
People think I'm a lunatic
half the time!
160
00:06:42,718 --> 00:06:44,719
All right, you know what?
That's not the point.
161
00:06:44,786 --> 00:06:46,521
The point is,
we did give to charity, ok?
162
00:06:46,589 --> 00:06:47,955
We gave $35!
163
00:06:48,023 --> 00:06:49,224
$35 is good money!
164
00:06:49,291 --> 00:06:50,692
Absolutely!
165
00:06:51,527 --> 00:06:52,660
Ugh.
166
00:06:52,728 --> 00:06:54,462
No, it's not.
167
00:06:54,530 --> 00:06:57,164
We are horrible
and selfish people.
168
00:06:57,233 --> 00:06:58,566
I mean, look at us.
169
00:06:58,634 --> 00:07:00,468
We got a house,
we got food on the table,
170
00:07:00,536 --> 00:07:01,603
a car, and what do we do?
171
00:07:01,670 --> 00:07:03,638
We keep it all for ourselves.
172
00:07:03,706 --> 00:07:04,772
All of it!
173
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,173
We're bad.
174
00:07:06,842 --> 00:07:07,875
We're damned.
175
00:07:07,943 --> 00:07:09,444
We're going straight to hell.
176
00:07:09,511 --> 00:07:10,711
You know what?
Let's not panic.
177
00:07:10,762 --> 00:07:12,396
We can still buy
our way out of this.
178
00:07:12,464 --> 00:07:14,198
All right, now, come on--
come on, honey.
179
00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:15,466
Who--who do we care about?
180
00:07:15,533 --> 00:07:17,735
Who's poor?
Who's needy?
181
00:07:17,802 --> 00:07:19,553
Hey, we could buy,
like, 1,000 candy bars
182
00:07:19,621 --> 00:07:20,788
for Kirby's school library.
183
00:07:20,855 --> 00:07:22,290
A school library.
184
00:07:22,357 --> 00:07:24,191
That's perfect!
185
00:07:24,259 --> 00:07:25,859
Yeah! From now on, anybody
who comes over to our house
186
00:07:25,927 --> 00:07:27,161
will get a free chocolate bar.
187
00:07:27,228 --> 00:07:28,396
That will be our thing!
188
00:07:29,598 --> 00:07:30,748
No, you doof.
189
00:07:30,816 --> 00:07:33,751
I'm talkin' about making
a real donation here!
190
00:07:33,819 --> 00:07:35,053
"Opening up young minds...
191
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,487
Children are our future..."
192
00:07:36,555 --> 00:07:38,622
This is a home run, hon'!
193
00:07:38,691 --> 00:07:41,893
We love children!
We love reading!
194
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,728
Actually,
we don't love reading.
195
00:07:44,796 --> 00:07:47,165
No, but we do think it's
a good alternative to drugs.
196
00:07:47,232 --> 00:07:48,549
Yes!
197
00:07:48,617 --> 00:07:49,784
Ok.
198
00:07:49,852 --> 00:07:52,520
Ok, so, this is our pet cause,
199
00:07:52,588 --> 00:07:55,957
the--the Robert hoover
school's new library.
200
00:07:56,024 --> 00:07:57,008
Congratulations.
201
00:07:57,075 --> 00:07:58,559
And to you, sir!
202
00:07:58,626 --> 00:08:01,095
So, how much should we give?
203
00:08:01,163 --> 00:08:02,529
$250?
204
00:08:02,597 --> 00:08:05,950
We couldn't be better
people if we tried!
205
00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:09,036
Unless we bump it up to $500.
206
00:08:09,103 --> 00:08:11,188
Look out!
Now we're better people!
207
00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:13,625
Actually, wait a minute.
208
00:08:13,692 --> 00:08:16,260
Can we really
afford to give $500?
209
00:08:16,328 --> 00:08:18,212
Can we afford not to?
210
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,247
All right.
211
00:08:20,315 --> 00:08:23,234
500 big ones!
212
00:08:23,302 --> 00:08:24,735
Ok, look, it says here
213
00:08:24,803 --> 00:08:27,371
that that puts us
in the "patrons' circle."
214
00:08:27,439 --> 00:08:30,341
Wow, we rocketed past
"friends and angels."
215
00:08:30,408 --> 00:08:32,226
So long, losers!
216
00:08:34,196 --> 00:08:36,730
"Patrons" sounds fancy.
Yeah.
217
00:08:36,798 --> 00:08:38,533
I'm patron Doug.
218
00:08:40,068 --> 00:08:42,720
Just like in colonial times.
219
00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:44,438
W-what are you
talkin' about?
220
00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:47,091
I don't know, but why do you
221
00:08:47,159 --> 00:08:49,043
gotta call me
out on everything?
222
00:08:56,351 --> 00:08:58,018
How great is this?
223
00:08:58,086 --> 00:09:00,320
An elementary school
library dedication.
224
00:09:00,389 --> 00:09:02,623
This is as good as it gets.
225
00:09:02,691 --> 00:09:05,826
We are out of hell
with a bullet.
226
00:09:07,562 --> 00:09:09,397
Hey, guys, thanks again
for comin' tonight.
227
00:09:09,464 --> 00:09:11,231
I wanted to introduce you
to Nana Louise.
228
00:09:11,299 --> 00:09:13,801
She runs the place, she wanted
to thank you for your donation.
229
00:09:13,869 --> 00:09:14,835
Hi.
Oh, hi.
230
00:09:14,903 --> 00:09:16,069
I can't tell you
231
00:09:16,137 --> 00:09:18,972
how much we appreciate
your generosity.
232
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:20,107
Oh, well,
233
00:09:20,174 --> 00:09:23,577
if we can help
one child read one book,
234
00:09:23,645 --> 00:09:26,013
then we've done our job.
235
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,081
Oh, absolutely.
236
00:09:28,149 --> 00:09:30,518
You know, I always
say that reading is
237
00:09:30,585 --> 00:09:32,102
fundamental.
238
00:09:33,421 --> 00:09:34,521
Nana Louise,
239
00:09:34,589 --> 00:09:35,923
can you read me this book?
240
00:09:35,991 --> 00:09:37,392
Oh, yes, of course.
241
00:09:37,459 --> 00:09:39,527
In just a few minutes, David.
242
00:09:39,595 --> 00:09:40,795
I'm Kenny.
243
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:44,916
There's so many of them.
244
00:09:44,983 --> 00:09:46,284
Excuse me a moment.
245
00:09:46,351 --> 00:09:48,052
Sure.
246
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,521
Attention, everyone.
247
00:09:50,588 --> 00:09:53,691
If you could come
toward me, please.
248
00:09:53,758 --> 00:09:56,694
We want to thank
our wonderful donors
249
00:09:56,761 --> 00:09:58,996
for their generosity.
250
00:09:59,064 --> 00:10:01,798
Give yourselves
a great, big hand!
251
00:10:07,672 --> 00:10:10,758
And as our way of
saying thank you,
252
00:10:10,825 --> 00:10:15,012
may I present our
commemorative wall of donors.
253
00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:21,368
Ooh.
254
00:10:21,436 --> 00:10:23,203
Nana Louise got back.
255
00:10:23,272 --> 00:10:24,472
Stop it!
256
00:10:37,185 --> 00:10:38,703
Enjoy the rest of the evening.
257
00:10:43,257 --> 00:10:45,158
Honey,
our names are on a wall!
258
00:10:45,226 --> 00:10:46,894
How exciting is this!
259
00:10:46,962 --> 00:10:48,161
Patrons, patrons.
260
00:10:48,229 --> 00:10:49,597
This is great!
261
00:11:00,725 --> 00:11:02,092
Here we are.
262
00:11:02,961 --> 00:11:04,461
In "friends."
263
00:11:05,213 --> 00:11:06,547
Friends?
264
00:11:06,615 --> 00:11:07,932
Isn't that the $50 category?
265
00:11:07,999 --> 00:11:09,233
Yeah!
266
00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:10,735
Are you sure you gave $500?
267
00:11:10,803 --> 00:11:12,069
Yeah, I'm positive, Doug.
268
00:11:12,137 --> 00:11:14,238
I already got the canceled
check back from the bank.
269
00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:16,574
The school must
have made a mistake!
270
00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:17,909
Huh.
271
00:11:18,410 --> 00:11:19,644
Huh.
272
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:22,796
Well, I mean,
273
00:11:22,865 --> 00:11:24,047
it doesn't matter, right?
274
00:11:24,115 --> 00:11:26,284
We--we didn't do it
for the credit.
275
00:11:26,351 --> 00:11:27,851
We did it for the kids.
276
00:11:28,987 --> 00:11:30,171
Right.
277
00:11:30,238 --> 00:11:31,355
The kids.
278
00:11:31,423 --> 00:11:32,590
It's not like we can say,
279
00:11:32,657 --> 00:11:35,326
hey, we were supposed to be
patrons, you know?
280
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:36,760
That wouldn't be
very charitable.
281
00:11:36,828 --> 00:11:38,062
No, it would not.
282
00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:39,330
No!
283
00:11:44,602 --> 00:11:46,086
Crap!
284
00:11:52,310 --> 00:11:54,745
Hey, it doesn't matter what
it says on that donor wall.
285
00:11:54,813 --> 00:11:56,180
We know we're patrons.
286
00:11:56,247 --> 00:11:57,832
We're patrons where it counts:
287
00:11:57,899 --> 00:12:00,217
On the inside.
288
00:12:00,285 --> 00:12:02,203
Yeah, but everybody
who reads that wall
289
00:12:02,270 --> 00:12:04,738
will think we're just friends.
290
00:12:04,806 --> 00:12:06,056
Yeah, but if you think
about it,
291
00:12:06,124 --> 00:12:07,858
friends may actually
be better, right?
292
00:12:07,926 --> 00:12:09,593
I mean, they write
songs about friends.
293
00:12:09,661 --> 00:12:11,395
You don't hear anything
about "gettin' by
294
00:12:11,463 --> 00:12:13,563
with a little help
from my patrons."
295
00:12:13,631 --> 00:12:14,915
I'll tell you something, Doug.
296
00:12:14,983 --> 00:12:17,017
I think we should
tell Nana Louise
297
00:12:17,085 --> 00:12:18,252
that there's been a mistake.
298
00:12:18,319 --> 00:12:19,686
What?
No--no, we can't!
299
00:12:19,755 --> 00:12:21,455
Why not? 'Cause we'll
look like jerks!
300
00:12:21,522 --> 00:12:23,390
Yeah, but now
we look like cheapos.
301
00:12:23,458 --> 00:12:25,776
Listen to me,
if we say anything,
302
00:12:25,843 --> 00:12:28,379
we'll be undoing all the charity
we did in the first place,
303
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:30,698
and then we're back
on the fast track to hell!
304
00:12:30,766 --> 00:12:32,233
All right, cool your jets
305
00:12:32,301 --> 00:12:33,767
with the hell talk, Johnny.
306
00:12:33,835 --> 00:12:37,271
Excuse me for caring
about our eternal souls.
307
00:12:37,338 --> 00:12:38,439
Wait a minute.
308
00:12:38,506 --> 00:12:39,840
Are you--
are you serious?
309
00:12:39,908 --> 00:12:41,508
Do you-- do you
literally think
310
00:12:41,577 --> 00:12:43,611
we'll go to a place
called hell
311
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,947
for telling
Nana Louise about this?
312
00:12:46,081 --> 00:12:47,315
Not a place called hell.
313
00:12:47,382 --> 00:12:49,233
Hell!
314
00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:51,051
Oh, ok, so tell
wh-wh-wh-
315
00:12:51,119 --> 00:12:52,920
what are you
picturing here, Doug?
316
00:12:52,988 --> 00:12:54,321
Are you picturing
the--the devil
317
00:12:54,389 --> 00:12:56,056
in red tights
with a pitchfork?
318
00:12:56,124 --> 00:12:57,208
Th-those aren't tights.
319
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,243
That's his skin.
320
00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:01,762
Ok, you know what, Doug?
I do not appreciate
321
00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:03,564
you making me feel
like a bad person
322
00:13:03,632 --> 00:13:05,199
just because
I wanna tell Nana Louise
323
00:13:05,266 --> 00:13:06,567
that there's been a mistake.
324
00:13:06,635 --> 00:13:08,875
Doesn't matter, 'cause you're
not sayin' anything anyway.
325
00:13:08,937 --> 00:13:10,237
Uh, you know what?
I think I am.
326
00:13:10,305 --> 00:13:12,073
You can't!
I can.
327
00:13:12,140 --> 00:13:13,824
I'm gonna tell her at the
read along what happened.
328
00:13:13,892 --> 00:13:16,210
Anybody would agree
that's totally appropriate.
329
00:13:16,278 --> 00:13:18,045
Ok, then obviously,
we disagree here.
330
00:13:18,113 --> 00:13:19,513
You--you know
what we need to do?
331
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:21,082
We need to find
a neutral 3rd party.
332
00:13:21,149 --> 00:13:22,516
Ok, fine. Who?
333
00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:23,484
My mom.
334
00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:24,685
Oh, yeah.
335
00:13:24,753 --> 00:13:26,487
'Cause your mom won't
take your side at all.
336
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,239
All right, fine.
Who do you wanna ask?
337
00:13:29,291 --> 00:13:30,825
Sooji, my nail lady.
338
00:13:30,892 --> 00:13:33,627
Soo who, your what?
339
00:13:33,695 --> 00:13:35,095
Sooji, my nail lady.
340
00:13:35,163 --> 00:13:36,597
What? She's very moral.
341
00:13:36,665 --> 00:13:38,632
I ain't going to
sooji, your nail lady,
342
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:41,201
with my hell questions, ok?
343
00:13:41,269 --> 00:13:42,602
Well, then
that's your problem.
344
00:13:42,671 --> 00:13:43,937
I wish we could just ask God,
345
00:13:44,005 --> 00:13:45,245
'cause I know
he'd side with me.
346
00:13:45,307 --> 00:13:46,673
Well, we can't ask God,
347
00:13:46,925 --> 00:13:48,792
so where does that leave us?
348
00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:53,981
So, what do you
think we should do?
349
00:13:54,048 --> 00:13:56,717
Well, Doug, Carrie,
350
00:13:57,869 --> 00:14:00,454
what do you think
you should do?
351
00:14:01,857 --> 00:14:03,407
Well, I think
we'd kinda like to know
352
00:14:03,474 --> 00:14:05,209
what you think.
353
00:14:05,277 --> 00:14:08,395
Well, what do you
think I think?
354
00:14:08,463 --> 00:14:10,698
Ok, let's just
cut to the chase here.
355
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,733
Uh, do you think
it's morally wrong
356
00:14:12,801 --> 00:14:15,169
for Doug and I
to tell Nana Louise
357
00:14:15,237 --> 00:14:17,404
that we were supposed to be
in the patrons' circle?
358
00:14:17,472 --> 00:14:19,991
Well, "morally wrong"
is a strong term.
359
00:14:20,058 --> 00:14:22,659
Yeah, but it certainly isn't
morally right, right? Hmm?
360
00:14:22,727 --> 00:14:23,861
In a perfect world,
361
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:25,712
charity should be
its own reward--
362
00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:27,547
ok, ok, ok, ok.
Imagine this.
363
00:14:27,615 --> 00:14:29,250
Imagine
364
00:14:29,384 --> 00:14:32,236
if there were priest
of the year awards.
365
00:14:32,303 --> 00:14:33,820
Ok? We'll call them
366
00:14:33,888 --> 00:14:35,372
the priesties.
367
00:14:37,842 --> 00:14:40,895
And you knew
you got most of the votes,
368
00:14:40,962 --> 00:14:42,129
but for some reason,
369
00:14:42,197 --> 00:14:45,900
father o'Henry
was named the winner, ok?
370
00:14:45,967 --> 00:14:48,903
Ok, now, obviously
you should be a priest
371
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:50,938
for the sake of
being a priest,
372
00:14:51,006 --> 00:14:52,173
but is there--
373
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:53,524
is there really anything wrong
374
00:14:53,575 --> 00:14:55,726
in wanting
a little recognition?
375
00:14:55,794 --> 00:14:58,862
A little "what-what"
from your peers?
376
00:14:58,930 --> 00:15:01,048
Well, it's human nature
377
00:15:01,116 --> 00:15:02,850
to wanna be praised
for a job well-done--
378
00:15:02,951 --> 00:15:04,618
there you go.
Then you see our problem.
379
00:15:04,685 --> 00:15:07,137
Well, Carrie, Doug,
380
00:15:07,205 --> 00:15:08,973
this is your dilemma,
381
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:11,742
and only you can
find the answer.
382
00:15:11,809 --> 00:15:15,730
But if you want my advice,
383
00:15:15,797 --> 00:15:18,248
it may be best
to let the matter drop.
384
00:15:19,484 --> 00:15:20,584
Really?
385
00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:23,520
Hmm.
386
00:15:23,588 --> 00:15:26,407
Man of the cloth thinks
we should drop it.
387
00:15:27,608 --> 00:15:28,876
Fine.
388
00:15:31,462 --> 00:15:32,697
Hey, anybody wanna
hear me read
389
00:15:32,764 --> 00:15:34,131
horton hears a who?
390
00:15:34,199 --> 00:15:35,700
Yeah!
391
00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:36,901
Whoa, whoa, ok. Wow.
392
00:15:36,968 --> 00:15:38,202
Wasn't expecting that.
393
00:15:38,269 --> 00:15:40,705
Chill out.
It's just a book, not t.V.
394
00:15:45,059 --> 00:15:46,193
Hey, hey, Kirby.
395
00:15:46,261 --> 00:15:48,295
Come here, come here,
come here, come here.
396
00:15:48,363 --> 00:15:49,830
Can I show you somethin'?
397
00:15:49,897 --> 00:15:50,931
What?
398
00:15:50,999 --> 00:15:52,500
Well,
399
00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:55,202
Doug and I donated
enough money to your school
400
00:15:55,270 --> 00:15:58,872
to be way up here,
401
00:15:58,940 --> 00:16:02,626
but, instead,
our names are way down here.
402
00:16:03,978 --> 00:16:06,914
Do you think that's fair?
403
00:16:06,982 --> 00:16:10,617
How'd you like to do
your aunt Carrie a favor?
404
00:16:10,685 --> 00:16:12,570
"'Should I put
this speck down?'
405
00:16:12,637 --> 00:16:14,672
"horton thought with alarm.
406
00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:16,607
"'If I do, these small persons
407
00:16:16,674 --> 00:16:18,692
"'may come to great harm.
408
00:16:18,759 --> 00:16:19,894
"'I can't put it down,
409
00:16:19,961 --> 00:16:21,762
"'and I won't! After all,
410
00:16:21,830 --> 00:16:23,680
"'a person's a person,
411
00:16:23,748 --> 00:16:25,549
no matter how small.'"
412
00:16:27,435 --> 00:16:28,535
or how big.
413
00:16:36,761 --> 00:16:39,112
So, you're just
gonna tell Nana Louise
414
00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:41,582
that Doug and I
were supposed to be...
415
00:16:43,134 --> 00:16:44,969
S-starts with a "p."
416
00:16:46,304 --> 00:16:47,587
Pa-
417
00:16:49,173 --> 00:16:50,340
patrons, Kirby.
418
00:16:50,409 --> 00:16:51,876
Patrons.
419
00:16:51,893 --> 00:16:53,460
Ok, maybe we should
go over this again. Ok.
420
00:16:53,527 --> 00:16:54,895
I have to go to the bathroom.
421
00:16:54,963 --> 00:16:56,429
All right,
well, you're a big boy,
422
00:16:56,497 --> 00:16:58,098
you can hold it, right?
423
00:16:58,283 --> 00:16:59,333
It hurts.
424
00:16:59,401 --> 00:17:01,121
Yeah, all right.
I need you to focus, honey.
425
00:17:01,169 --> 00:17:02,669
No, no! Kir-Kirby!
426
00:17:02,737 --> 00:17:04,505
Hey, uh, what's goin' on?
427
00:17:04,572 --> 00:17:05,739
Oh, well, um,
428
00:17:05,806 --> 00:17:08,459
Kirby noticed that
we were listed as friends
429
00:17:08,526 --> 00:17:09,793
instead of patrons
on the wall,
430
00:17:09,861 --> 00:17:11,227
and he was pretty upset.
431
00:17:11,295 --> 00:17:13,730
He wanted to talk
to Nana Louise.
432
00:17:13,798 --> 00:17:14,998
Have you guys read this?
433
00:17:15,066 --> 00:17:16,366
It's very good.
434
00:17:17,535 --> 00:17:18,735
Why would Kirby care
435
00:17:18,803 --> 00:17:20,170
where you're
listed on the wall?
436
00:17:20,237 --> 00:17:21,221
What?
437
00:17:21,389 --> 00:17:23,190
What is wrong with you?
438
00:17:23,341 --> 00:17:24,475
It's perfect!
439
00:17:24,542 --> 00:17:25,659
What's more innocent
440
00:17:25,727 --> 00:17:27,261
than having it
come from a child?
441
00:17:27,329 --> 00:17:29,145
All right, you know,
this is-- this is it.
442
00:17:29,213 --> 00:17:30,848
This is where
I get off, girlfriend.
443
00:17:30,915 --> 00:17:32,333
What does that mean?
444
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,268
That means you're free
to marry your true love:
445
00:17:34,335 --> 00:17:35,536
Satan!
446
00:17:36,337 --> 00:17:37,671
He said Santa.
447
00:17:37,738 --> 00:17:40,107
Ok, am I gonna
have to have 2 two removed
448
00:17:40,175 --> 00:17:41,408
from an elementary school?
449
00:17:41,576 --> 00:17:43,577
Ok, but it's not my fault,
it's her fault. She's sick!
450
00:17:43,644 --> 00:17:44,978
No, no, no,
I'm not sick, honey.
451
00:17:45,046 --> 00:17:46,947
I--I--I realized something
about myself, ok?
452
00:17:47,015 --> 00:17:48,148
I'm not a bad person.
453
00:17:48,216 --> 00:17:49,449
I'm just very petty.
454
00:17:49,517 --> 00:17:51,551
I want to do good
things for people,
455
00:17:51,619 --> 00:17:53,854
I just want them to know
that I'm doing them.
456
00:17:53,922 --> 00:17:55,339
And that's sick!
457
00:17:55,406 --> 00:17:57,174
Is there a problem?
458
00:17:59,110 --> 00:18:02,179
Actually,
Nana Louise, there is.
459
00:18:02,246 --> 00:18:04,248
So I guess
the zero got dropped
460
00:18:04,316 --> 00:18:06,283
somewhere along the way.
461
00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:07,334
Oh!
462
00:18:07,402 --> 00:18:09,553
I feel terrible.
463
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,088
Well, it didn't bother us.
464
00:18:11,155 --> 00:18:13,357
It's just that if people were
to see that we were patrons,
465
00:18:13,424 --> 00:18:15,459
it might inspire
them to give more.
466
00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:18,061
It's for the kids, really.
467
00:18:20,582 --> 00:18:23,166
Again, I'm so sorry.
468
00:18:23,234 --> 00:18:25,102
We'll have to
make it up to you.
469
00:18:25,169 --> 00:18:26,570
Well, um, you know,
470
00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:28,271
I should get back out there.
471
00:18:28,339 --> 00:18:31,224
I promised little Timmy
I'd read him Charlotte's web.
472
00:18:31,292 --> 00:18:32,459
There is no little Timmy.
473
00:18:32,526 --> 00:18:33,860
You're the queen of darkness.
474
00:18:33,928 --> 00:18:35,095
Shut up.
475
00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:40,567
All right, an extra zero
would make that
476
00:18:41,786 --> 00:18:44,438
$5,000.
477
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,189
Oh, my!
478
00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:51,862
What the...
479
00:18:53,447 --> 00:18:55,765
They named
the library after us?
480
00:18:57,818 --> 00:18:59,202
Really?
481
00:19:00,438 --> 00:19:01,539
Yeah.
482
00:19:01,606 --> 00:19:03,473
Look, I don't really
have all the details,
483
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:04,942
but I've got a gut feeling
484
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,695
that wasn't
supposed to happen.
485
00:19:07,762 --> 00:19:08,895
You know what?
It probably--
486
00:19:08,963 --> 00:19:10,297
ah!
487
00:19:10,331 --> 00:19:11,631
Please.
488
00:19:11,699 --> 00:19:13,083
Understand something?
489
00:19:13,151 --> 00:19:15,385
I only stopped by
that day as a courtesy
490
00:19:15,453 --> 00:19:17,403
because I know
Doug likes candy.
491
00:19:17,471 --> 00:19:18,689
I didn't realize the evil
492
00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:20,941
I would be unleashing.
493
00:19:20,943 --> 00:19:22,559
So, if you don't
see me and my son
494
00:19:22,627 --> 00:19:23,944
come around for a while,
495
00:19:24,011 --> 00:19:25,662
I think you'll know why.
496
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,431
Good-bye.
497
00:19:27,498 --> 00:19:28,832
And good day.
498
00:19:31,469 --> 00:19:33,937
Nana Louise must
have screwed up again.
499
00:19:34,004 --> 00:19:36,707
We're gonna have to go down
there and straighten it out.
500
00:19:36,774 --> 00:19:38,008
Do we?
501
00:19:39,527 --> 00:19:40,460
What?
502
00:19:40,528 --> 00:19:41,678
What?
503
00:19:41,746 --> 00:19:44,281
I've always wanted a library.
504
00:19:44,348 --> 00:19:46,216
You've always
wanted a library?
505
00:19:46,284 --> 00:19:47,951
Ok, I've always
wanted a Jaguar,
506
00:19:48,019 --> 00:19:49,253
but I'm never gonna get that,
507
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:50,888
so let me have this!
508
00:19:50,955 --> 00:19:52,339
Carrie, if we don't fix this,
509
00:19:52,407 --> 00:19:53,874
we're definitely
goin' to hell!
510
00:19:53,941 --> 00:19:55,575
No, we're going to heaven!
511
00:19:55,643 --> 00:19:58,411
We donated a freakin' library!
512
00:19:59,130 --> 00:20:00,497
But we didn't!
513
00:20:00,565 --> 00:20:02,116
God knows that!
514
00:20:02,183 --> 00:20:04,618
God will see the big sign
515
00:20:04,685 --> 00:20:05,886
with our names on it,
516
00:20:05,953 --> 00:20:07,087
and move on to other stuff.
517
00:20:07,155 --> 00:20:09,689
He doesn't check
into those things.
518
00:20:09,757 --> 00:20:11,625
Carrie, sweetheart,
listen to me.
519
00:20:13,060 --> 00:20:16,529
The library
doesn't belong to us.
520
00:20:16,597 --> 00:20:18,349
We gotta give it back.
521
00:20:23,254 --> 00:20:24,655
Tsk.
522
00:20:24,722 --> 00:20:25,956
Fine!
523
00:20:28,259 --> 00:20:30,193
I'm confused.
524
00:20:30,811 --> 00:20:31,895
No, see--see,
525
00:20:31,963 --> 00:20:33,530
we--we gave $500.
526
00:20:33,598 --> 00:20:35,816
You just added an extra
zero, that's all.
527
00:20:35,883 --> 00:20:38,318
Look, if it's easier for you
to keep the sign up,
528
00:20:38,385 --> 00:20:39,552
we're--we're ok
with that.
529
00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:40,871
Carrie.
530
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:43,640
Oh, boy.
531
00:20:43,708 --> 00:20:47,761
I seem to make so many
silly mistakes these days.
532
00:20:47,829 --> 00:20:51,131
The school board isn't
gonna be too happy with me.
533
00:20:51,198 --> 00:20:53,283
I'm sure they'll understand.
534
00:20:54,001 --> 00:20:55,251
Children,
535
00:20:55,319 --> 00:20:56,803
the school board says
536
00:20:56,871 --> 00:21:00,040
that Nana Louise
is very tired,
537
00:21:00,108 --> 00:21:02,642
and can't read to you anymore.
538
00:21:03,344 --> 00:21:04,427
No, Nana Louise!
539
00:21:04,495 --> 00:21:05,479
Don't go!
540
00:21:05,547 --> 00:21:06,580
Oh,
541
00:21:06,647 --> 00:21:08,681
don't cry, Leonard.
542
00:21:08,749 --> 00:21:09,849
I'm Richie.
543
00:21:10,768 --> 00:21:11,769
Oh,
544
00:21:12,436 --> 00:21:13,603
oh, dear.
545
00:21:18,710 --> 00:21:20,177
We got a sweet old lady fired,
546
00:21:20,245 --> 00:21:22,212
and we're starting
to get a little concerned
547
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,847
about this whole hell thing?
548
00:21:24,482 --> 00:21:25,883
Um,
549
00:21:25,950 --> 00:21:28,568
what's the dealy-o
on that?
550
00:21:37,595 --> 00:21:39,496
Hi. I'm selling
boxes of cookies
551
00:21:39,563 --> 00:21:41,998
so my troop can go
see the liberty bell.
552
00:21:43,267 --> 00:21:45,401
All right, I'm gonna
do you a favor, here.
553
00:21:45,469 --> 00:21:47,954
Go away and don't come back.
554
00:21:48,022 --> 00:21:49,273
Tell the others.
555
00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:51,942
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
556
00:21:52,009 --> 00:21:53,710
Quick.
One box of the shortbread.
557
00:21:56,681 --> 00:21:58,415
Now go! Go!
37160
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