All language subtitles for Skins.S02E02.WS.PDTV.XviD-RiVER - Eng
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2 00:00:03,201 --> 00:00:06,460 Every day, I was there. You should have fucking helped me. 3 00:00:06,580 --> 00:00:07,719 All right! 4 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,239 - My new friends, Rory and Lachlan. - All right, wee man! 5 00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:12,612 Rory's going to let me blow his chanter later. 6 00:00:12,732 --> 00:00:14,460 You just need to learn tae finger it. 7 00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:21,020 Tony, hi! They said you were like a total mong and I would have been 8 00:00:21,140 --> 00:00:23,860 so pissed if you were a vegetable and had to be switched off, yah? 9 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:25,900 Sorry. Can't place you. 10 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,239 Come on, Tone. 11 00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:31,460 When it happened, before the bus, he was on the phone and he said 12 00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:33,780 something I don't think he remembers. 13 00:00:34,540 --> 00:00:35,580 Jesus! 14 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:37,700 I will remember everything. 15 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,340 Tone... 16 00:00:43,180 --> 00:00:44,620 Who's there? 17 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:33,660 Lucy? Can you hear me? 18 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,300 Lucy! 19 00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,820 You wearing perfume, love? 20 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,740 It's the new air freshener thing. 21 00:03:07,860 --> 00:03:09,799 I bought it for the bathroom. 22 00:03:09,961 --> 00:03:11,367 Thought Maxxie got you perfume? 23 00:03:11,487 --> 00:03:13,918 Thought, here's posh, boyfriend who buys you perfume. 24 00:03:14,038 --> 00:03:15,580 He'd buy me perfume if I asked. 25 00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:16,700 Oh, I know. 26 00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:18,418 Do anything, wouldn't he? 27 00:03:18,538 --> 00:03:21,780 Long as you don't introduce him to the scary disabled mother, that is. 28 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,870 I will introduce him to you. 29 00:03:23,990 --> 00:03:26,220 When the cock crows thrice, I know. 30 00:03:27,780 --> 00:03:28,740 Done? 31 00:03:32,721 --> 00:03:36,660 Always leave the waters a tip, that's what your gran used to say. 32 00:03:42,460 --> 00:03:45,180 'Did you hear that? 33 00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:48,420 The building's coming down, there's nothing we can do. 34 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,220 If I'm to die, 35 00:03:50,340 --> 00:03:53,559 I'd rather it be with you than anyone else in the world. 36 00:03:53,721 --> 00:03:58,300 Darling, oh, darling, how long I've waited to hear those words. 37 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:05,520 # Once I was a lonely banker 38 00:04:07,177 --> 00:04:12,083 # All I cared for were margins and accounts 39 00:04:13,749 --> 00:04:18,363 # I'd pass you on the phone each morning 40 00:04:19,919 --> 00:04:24,770 # I knew one day that love would sprout 41 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:31,420 # Then came the day Osama blew us away 42 00:04:31,540 --> 00:04:35,140 # Osama blew them away 43 00:04:35,260 --> 00:04:39,860 # And now I know how I feel. # 44 00:04:48,481 --> 00:04:52,940 # Then came the day Osama blew us away 45 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:57,540 # Osama blew them away 46 00:04:57,660 --> 00:05:01,940 # Then came the day Osama blew us away 47 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:06,580 # Osama blew them away 48 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,260 # Then came the day... # 49 00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:10,980 No, no, no, no, NO! 50 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:13,800 No. 51 00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:22,740 Do you know what this is? 52 00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:24,700 This is my script 53 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,220 and I'm burning it. 54 00:05:26,340 --> 00:05:28,460 And do you know why? Becau... 55 00:05:28,580 --> 00:05:31,260 Oh, does someone wanna give me a hand here, please? 56 00:05:31,380 --> 00:05:34,740 Quickly, quickly, thank you. Because... You know I've burnt my... 57 00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:37,660 Thing... Because you made it shit! 58 00:05:37,780 --> 00:05:39,220 SHIT! 59 00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:45,460 Do you know what we're doing here? 60 00:05:45,580 --> 00:05:47,100 Do you? 61 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,140 Max... 62 00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:51,700 This is an opportunity, 63 00:05:51,820 --> 00:05:55,020 a real opportunity, to tell the tragedy of my people. 64 00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:56,140 You're American? 65 00:05:56,260 --> 00:05:59,700 Yes, I am. Metaphorically. 66 00:05:59,820 --> 00:06:04,660 Look, in two hours time this woman will be dead. Dead! 67 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:06,800 And you know why? 68 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,980 Because Osama in pyjamas is making his way up the stairs 69 00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:11,540 to take us unawares. 70 00:06:11,660 --> 00:06:13,919 Oh, get off me, Bruce. 71 00:06:14,081 --> 00:06:17,700 Outside the world is crumbling, 72 00:06:17,820 --> 00:06:21,260 the towers are coming down. 73 00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:24,980 But soon... she'll forget. 74 00:06:26,660 --> 00:06:30,220 When two lips... Oh, sod it, time for show and tell. 75 00:06:39,281 --> 00:06:41,319 To paraphrase, Mr Punch, son, 76 00:06:41,481 --> 00:06:42,860 "That's the way to do it". 77 00:06:42,980 --> 00:06:44,620 Now, from Michelle's verse! 78 00:06:44,740 --> 00:06:46,300 Come on! Wooh! 79 00:06:52,820 --> 00:06:57,500 # I'd bring you coffee and a bagel 80 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:02,900 # But you never had the time for me 81 00:07:05,220 --> 00:07:09,980 # I dreamed that one day you'd say, "Hey, girl" 82 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:15,860 # "That bagel's mighty fine, it's plain to see" 83 00:07:17,681 --> 00:07:21,980 # Then came the day Osama blew us away 84 00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:26,140 # Osama blew them away 85 00:07:26,260 --> 00:07:31,260 # And now you know how I feel 86 00:07:34,281 --> 00:07:38,620 # Then came the day Osama blew us away 87 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:43,500 # Osama blew them away... # 88 00:07:49,820 --> 00:07:51,300 What the fuck?! 89 00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:58,140 It just slipped. Sorry. 90 00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:15,580 Not funny, OK? This is like the 15th present this week. 91 00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:18,540 It's getting quite spooky, innit? How's he getting in your locker? 92 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:20,460 I wish he'd just tell me who he is. 93 00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:21,700 What is it? 94 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,660 An Oscar? 95 00:08:23,780 --> 00:08:24,980 Full of chocolate. 96 00:08:27,460 --> 00:08:29,020 Every actor's dream though, innit? 97 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,660 What are you talking about, mate? 98 00:08:31,780 --> 00:08:33,620 Stalker - the ultimate accessory. 99 00:08:33,740 --> 00:08:35,860 Not everyone's as desperate for sex as you, Anwar. 100 00:08:35,980 --> 00:08:37,020 Sid! 101 00:08:37,140 --> 00:08:40,740 No, he's right. See theses hands, fucking friction burns, man! 102 00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:44,420 My sisters are getting suspicious about their disappearing hand cream. 103 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,260 I'm gonna get you laid tonight. 104 00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:50,180 I'll bring some spare hand cream, you just bring your smile! 105 00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,319 Fucking leave me alone, will you. 106 00:09:28,481 --> 00:09:31,660 No seriously, Sid, what have you come as? A cardboard Big Dickus? 107 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:34,359 Gladiator to the stars. 108 00:09:34,521 --> 00:09:36,180 Fuck off! 109 00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:40,140 So, stalky-stalky-stalk-stalk. Do you think he's coming tonight? 110 00:09:40,260 --> 00:09:42,300 Shit! It could be any one of these people. 111 00:09:42,420 --> 00:09:43,340 Don't! 112 00:09:43,460 --> 00:09:46,700 If he was clever he'd come as a sort of film where the stalker wins. 113 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,839 You know, Hugh Grant in Four Weddings. 114 00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:51,119 What? How is Four Weddings about stalking? 115 00:09:51,281 --> 00:09:52,980 Four weddings? One funeral? 116 00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:55,020 And Hugh just happens to be at all five. 117 00:09:55,140 --> 00:09:57,754 You'd think Andie MacDowell was cleverer than that. 118 00:09:57,874 --> 00:10:00,456 Oh. My. God. 119 00:10:02,580 --> 00:10:05,039 Go on, guess. Guess. 120 00:10:05,201 --> 00:10:07,020 Eh, give up? 121 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,100 Daisy Werthan. 122 00:10:11,041 --> 00:10:12,940 I don't know who she is either. 123 00:10:13,060 --> 00:10:16,100 Driving Miss Daisy! Best Picture Oscar, 1990. 124 00:10:16,220 --> 00:10:18,860 And this is my man, who is... 125 00:10:18,980 --> 00:10:19,999 Morgan Freeman. 126 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:23,020 No! How many times have I got to tell you? 127 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:27,079 OK, you're Hoke. Yeah? Actor, Freeman, part, Hoke. 128 00:10:27,241 --> 00:10:29,839 You don't know the first thing about films do you, Kenneth? 129 00:10:30,001 --> 00:10:31,574 How many films have you seen, Chris? 130 00:10:31,694 --> 00:10:33,039 - Counting porn? - Well, no. 131 00:10:33,201 --> 00:10:34,020 One. 132 00:10:34,140 --> 00:10:36,260 Driving Miss Daisy. It's a classic. 133 00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:39,220 Interestingly, they did make a porn version of the film - 134 00:10:39,340 --> 00:10:42,060 it was called Fisting Miss Daisy. It's a really good film. 135 00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:43,780 Really stood up to the original. 136 00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:45,220 Phenomenal. 137 00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,180 Here comes my leading lady. 138 00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:03,820 Hoo, what an entrance! 139 00:11:14,201 --> 00:11:16,060 What? Oh! 140 00:11:16,180 --> 00:11:18,639 Princess Leia, right? Jinx! 141 00:11:18,801 --> 00:11:20,999 And you look, so 142 00:11:21,161 --> 00:11:22,599 home made. 143 00:11:22,761 --> 00:11:25,940 Doesn't she, Tony? Gloriously quaint. 144 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:27,340 Hi, Michelle. 145 00:11:27,460 --> 00:11:30,959 You dressed as Luke? For her? 146 00:11:31,121 --> 00:11:34,740 Well, I guess I... 147 00:11:36,421 --> 00:11:37,540 Did I? 148 00:11:38,580 --> 00:11:39,580 Tony! 149 00:11:41,441 --> 00:11:44,580 You think either of them's actually seen Star Wars? 150 00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:46,540 You reckon they know Luke's her brother? 151 00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:59,900 I stood here solid and no-one could rock me. 152 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:03,740 But now comes a mullah who'll awe and shock me... 153 00:12:03,860 --> 00:12:06,159 Yep, that works. That really works. That's lovely. 154 00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:07,820 Mr Gelpart. 155 00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:12,180 Well, I never, the light dropper. 156 00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:16,380 Thank you, sincerely. 157 00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:19,439 You made the rehearsal feel... dangerous. 158 00:12:19,601 --> 00:12:20,940 I want to act. 159 00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:22,260 Yeah, well who doesn't? 160 00:12:22,380 --> 00:12:24,430 I need Michelle's part. 161 00:12:24,550 --> 00:12:26,420 - What? - She's terrible. 162 00:12:27,721 --> 00:12:29,799 I should play her. 163 00:12:29,961 --> 00:12:31,759 Oh, my dear... 164 00:12:34,361 --> 00:12:37,900 Acting is about truth. 165 00:12:38,020 --> 00:12:41,500 Truth is about beauty. 166 00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:44,260 Ugly people lack believability. 167 00:12:44,380 --> 00:12:46,780 Now, how can I put this kindly? 168 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:49,140 You look like a liar. 169 00:12:51,140 --> 00:12:52,999 I really want that part. 170 00:12:54,761 --> 00:12:56,411 Not on my ship, darling. 171 00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:03,260 In there, mate. Let's see what we can grab. 172 00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:07,060 Come on, Bruce. Where the goodies at? 173 00:13:07,180 --> 00:13:08,820 Whoa! Shit! 174 00:13:08,940 --> 00:13:11,014 If Bruce can get laid, anyone can. 175 00:13:11,134 --> 00:13:12,500 What's the plan then, Rambo? 176 00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:15,340 It's an ancient dating strategy for getting laid. 177 00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:18,260 Mark yourself out of ten, and then aim two points below. 178 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,140 An eight, goes for a six. 179 00:13:20,260 --> 00:13:22,860 That way, guaranteed success. 180 00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:25,900 Look, 181 00:13:26,020 --> 00:13:28,563 a poodle doesn't get nothing with a labrador, 182 00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:31,919 but if he aims for a chihuahua? Woof! 183 00:13:32,081 --> 00:13:34,279 So what number are you then, hound-dog? 184 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:35,439 A seven. 185 00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:42,119 A six? 186 00:13:42,281 --> 00:13:44,519 I'm not a five. 187 00:13:44,681 --> 00:13:47,599 Am I a five? 188 00:13:47,761 --> 00:13:49,919 Mate. You're a seven. Course you are. 189 00:13:50,081 --> 00:13:52,580 Yeah, baby! So we need to find me a five, yeah? 190 00:14:50,161 --> 00:14:52,580 Mate, I've found your five. Wait here. 191 00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:54,260 What? Where? 192 00:14:54,681 --> 00:14:56,460 Hi, hello. 193 00:14:56,580 --> 00:14:57,599 Hi, I, er... 194 00:14:57,761 --> 00:15:02,519 You were the one who dropped the light, right? 195 00:15:02,681 --> 00:15:04,780 Maxxie. You're a fucking genius. 196 00:15:06,180 --> 00:15:07,540 You're single, right? 197 00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,540 What? 198 00:15:10,780 --> 00:15:12,359 You got a boyfriend? 199 00:15:12,521 --> 00:15:14,020 A guy? 200 00:15:14,140 --> 00:15:15,980 No. I've got no-one. 201 00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:19,100 I mean, yeah. I'm single. 202 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,500 Cool. So what do you say, 203 00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:24,300 dance with my mate, Anwar? 204 00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:26,020 He's seventh heaven. 205 00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:28,980 Anwar? 206 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,580 Yeah. Anwar, baby. 007. 207 00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:34,660 And you, my Chanel No 5. 208 00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:40,580 Sorry. I've got to go. 209 00:15:41,780 --> 00:15:43,180 What? Hang on. 210 00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:52,380 You sure I'm a seven? 211 00:15:54,940 --> 00:15:57,620 Let's look for some fours, shall we? 212 00:15:57,740 --> 00:15:59,780 Just in case. 213 00:16:29,860 --> 00:16:32,199 I can't believe after everything that's happened, 214 00:16:32,361 --> 00:16:34,079 you'd bring her to the party. 215 00:16:35,660 --> 00:16:37,220 She, er, says I'm her boyfriend. 216 00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:50,799 You're not Tony any more, are you? 217 00:16:50,961 --> 00:16:52,159 Yeah, I'm Tony. 218 00:16:52,695 --> 00:16:53,695 OK. 219 00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:57,540 On the day of the accident, you were on the phone to me. 220 00:16:57,660 --> 00:16:58,839 Tell me what you said. 221 00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:05,238 Doctors told me some things would take a while to come back. 222 00:17:08,140 --> 00:17:09,580 OK, then. 223 00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:13,679 Let's bring you back. 224 00:17:26,340 --> 00:17:29,759 Come on, come on. I want to touch you. 225 00:17:33,660 --> 00:17:34,660 I can't... 226 00:17:34,780 --> 00:17:36,439 Course you can. 227 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:50,980 Oh. You're not... 228 00:17:54,060 --> 00:17:55,980 No. I'm not. 229 00:17:59,020 --> 00:18:00,420 I've got to go. 230 00:18:11,420 --> 00:18:13,380 Not worth it, are they? 231 00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:14,639 Who the fuck are you? 232 00:18:23,620 --> 00:18:26,660 How come boys could do that to us? 233 00:18:26,780 --> 00:18:28,199 Make us feel like shit? 234 00:18:30,140 --> 00:18:31,580 He didn't... 235 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:36,319 You don't understand. 236 00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:37,420 OK. 237 00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:39,719 It's difficult for him now. 238 00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:43,820 Us now. 239 00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:51,580 But do you remember what it was like to kiss him for the first time? 240 00:18:53,780 --> 00:18:57,200 That magic moment when everything changed? 241 00:19:08,220 --> 00:19:09,719 Fancy a beer? 242 00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:44,860 Is that you, Maxxie? 243 00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:53,399 It's the dog, I'm telling you. 244 00:22:21,641 --> 00:22:23,919 Hey, Dad. Night. 245 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,119 Underpants. 246 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:37,400 To the mirror. 247 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:41,560 Cupboard. 248 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:45,880 Trousers. 249 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:50,813 Back to the mirror. 250 00:23:51,961 --> 00:23:53,400 Aftershave. 251 00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:58,720 Mirror again. 252 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:25,800 Lucy? That you, love? 253 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,240 Lucy? 254 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:32,800 Yes, Mum. 255 00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:35,760 I need a hand in here. 256 00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:39,800 Jesus, Mum! What happened? 257 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:43,080 When you weren't back when you said, I thought you'd gone to bed. 258 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,880 But I wanted to check and... 259 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,680 Am I wet? 260 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,560 I'm wet, aren't I? 261 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,720 - Did you spend the night with him? - Don't. 262 00:25:01,681 --> 00:25:03,120 Let's get these wet clothes off. 263 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,160 No wait. Better give me a pain pill first. 264 00:25:07,688 --> 00:25:08,880 Better make it two. 265 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,320 No. The doctor said. 266 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,280 They're emetics. I don't want you vomiting. 267 00:25:17,721 --> 00:25:19,519 You're a good girl. 268 00:25:19,681 --> 00:25:22,000 Maxxie's lucky to have you. 269 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:28,200 Mum? 270 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,519 I've got something to tell you. 271 00:25:33,561 --> 00:25:35,520 It was my fault. 272 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,160 I was stupid. 273 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:42,440 I wanted to be alone so I went and sat in one of the bedrooms upstairs. 274 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,040 And Bruce... 275 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:47,000 Mr Gelpart, the drama teacher... 276 00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:50,520 He came in and asked whether I wanted comforting. 277 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,680 And I didn't say no. 278 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,600 It was his party and his house so... 279 00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:59,120 And it was just his hands. 280 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,800 Mr Gelpart's hands. 281 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:06,360 I mean, he... didn't make me touch him or put his anything near me. 282 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,040 Just kissed me on the cheek... 283 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:10,880 and kept kissing me 284 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,560 and rubbing his hands over me. 285 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,880 And he said I was great... 286 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,640 because I had little tits. 287 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:20,280 "Almost like a boy," he said. 288 00:26:22,241 --> 00:26:23,999 And that was it. 289 00:26:24,161 --> 00:26:26,080 He didn't even touch any other part of me. 290 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,800 Just my cheek... 291 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:30,160 and my tits. 292 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:38,960 Right. Cheek and tits. Right. 293 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:40,680 Right. 294 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:42,920 Tits. 295 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:45,200 Right. 296 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,200 Oh, dear! 297 00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:22,720 I heard he got his cock out and there's a tattoo of Harry Potter, 298 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:26,560 and he started shouting at Sketch "Kiss Harry to make him magic". 299 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,280 Drama teachers, man. "Pretend to be a tree". 300 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,280 "But I'm not a tree". "Well, pretend". 301 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,720 Fucking perverts, the lot of 'em! 302 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,120 Is it true? 303 00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:44,120 Yeah. It's true. 304 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,080 That creep! That fucking animal! 305 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,080 I'm so sorry, Sketch. 306 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,440 I'm the one who should be sorry. I wasn't going to say anything, 307 00:27:55,560 --> 00:28:00,479 but my mum insisted. Have I ruined everything? The play and... 308 00:28:00,641 --> 00:28:03,840 Fuck the play! Come and sit with us. 309 00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:11,199 That's grown-up, Tony. 310 00:28:11,361 --> 00:28:13,200 I've finished. That's all. 311 00:28:23,601 --> 00:28:25,200 What you doing, you tramp? 312 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:31,359 In my culture, we share our food. 313 00:28:31,521 --> 00:28:33,319 Michelle's got a new friend then. 314 00:28:33,481 --> 00:28:34,481 Yeah. 315 00:28:35,321 --> 00:28:38,640 It's a Saveloy, man. It draws me in. It's the devil's plaything. 316 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:40,680 It's an aphrodisiac, too, I've heard. 317 00:28:42,761 --> 00:28:47,320 Come on, Sketch. We can do better than these two. Let's go. 318 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,400 Sketch? 319 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:23,440 Sketch? 320 00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:25,920 Who is this? 321 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,800 Who's this? Who are you? 322 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:31,600 We've had enough of you kids playing. Leave us alone! 323 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,440 What? Look! Do you have a daughter at the school? 324 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,479 None of your business. Leave us alone! 325 00:29:37,641 --> 00:29:42,079 I need to know! This is important. Look, my name's Maxxie. 326 00:29:42,241 --> 00:29:44,159 Your name's Maxxie? 327 00:29:44,321 --> 00:29:45,440 Yeah. 328 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:47,040 Maxxie in the school play? 329 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,120 Maxxie who's dating my daughter? 330 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:55,240 What?! 331 00:29:55,901 --> 00:29:57,919 What are you doing answering the door? 332 00:29:58,081 --> 00:29:59,839 - The disgrace! - Disgrace? 333 00:30:00,001 --> 00:30:02,239 Lies, all lies! A boyfriend? 334 00:30:02,401 --> 00:30:03,799 No, you haven't. 335 00:30:03,961 --> 00:30:07,080 After all I've done for you, you fucking... You fucking! 336 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,119 Oh my God! The drama teacher? 337 00:30:11,281 --> 00:30:13,400 You lied about him too, haven't you! 338 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,040 Well, I'm not gonna let you ruin a man's life. 339 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:23,359 Ow! No! I didn't bring you up to be a liar! 340 00:30:23,521 --> 00:30:26,600 You didn't bring me up at all! You fucking... cripple! 341 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:35,280 So... what? 342 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:40,440 You going to keep holding me to the bed all day and all night, are you? 343 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:44,999 Whatever trouble you're in, I'll support you. 344 00:30:45,161 --> 00:30:46,800 But this is a man's life. 345 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:54,440 It's for your own good. 346 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,960 Crawling out of bed isn't good for you. 347 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,960 I will not... let you fuck up my life, Mum. 348 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:03,080 OK? 349 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:24,000 Lucy? 350 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:27,160 Lucy! 351 00:31:31,881 --> 00:31:36,080 # Just time to say the things I must 352 00:31:38,041 --> 00:31:41,680 # Before my hopes all turn to dust 353 00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,719 # Now nothing seems to matter 354 00:31:45,881 --> 00:31:49,239 # And every word is true 355 00:31:49,401 --> 00:31:51,919 # When I say I'm blown away 356 00:31:52,081 --> 00:31:54,200 # With you 357 00:31:56,281 --> 00:31:58,800 # Then came the day 358 00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,040 # You blew me away 359 00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:04,040 # Osama blew them away 360 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:08,040 # What can I say? 361 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:10,440 # You blew me away 362 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:12,600 # And now I'm falling... 363 00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:14,000 # Now I'm falling 364 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:16,000 # We're falling... 365 00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:19,000 # In love. # 366 00:32:27,641 --> 00:32:30,440 Ah, the magic of the stage. The thrill of anticipation. 367 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,400 I feel like a Roman about to throw a lion at the Christians. 368 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:35,040 Chris, it's a school musical. 369 00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,719 But who do you think would win between Maxxie and a lion? 370 00:32:37,881 --> 00:32:41,160 Osama the Musical, this is your half-hour call. 371 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:44,920 Do you want to help me get dressed? 372 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,360 You want me to look good, don't you? 373 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:51,640 You nervous? 374 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:55,040 Oh, God. On a scale of one to... Oh, fuck scales, I'm shitting it! 375 00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:57,320 You're gonna be so good. 376 00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:59,560 I'm under-rehearsed and shit! 377 00:33:00,289 --> 00:33:02,280 Do you want something to get you through it? 378 00:33:03,235 --> 00:33:04,519 What have you got? 379 00:33:04,681 --> 00:33:06,560 Pills of my mum's. 380 00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:15,520 You need to take three to get a decent hit. 381 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,000 Anti-anxieties. They'll chill you out. 382 00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:22,040 Go on, I'd love to help you out. 383 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:25,920 OK, thanks. 384 00:33:45,761 --> 00:33:47,440 My mother was right! 385 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:51,479 "Do science", she said, "Do science. Science makes sense." 386 00:33:51,641 --> 00:33:54,680 But the lights drew me... like a moth to a flame. 387 00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,839 Right! Nothing for it. Cancellation o'clock. 388 00:34:00,001 --> 00:34:01,760 I know the words! 389 00:34:03,279 --> 00:34:04,079 What?! 390 00:34:04,241 --> 00:34:05,680 You do? 391 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,519 Oh, my God! 392 00:34:08,681 --> 00:34:11,919 I've been helping her learn them. I know them all. 393 00:34:12,081 --> 00:34:14,080 I think you just saved my Welsh rarebit. 394 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:17,680 Let's get you into costume. 395 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:24,800 We're over ten minutes late now. It's time for action. 396 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:36,720 If Rome won't go to Mohammed, then Mohammed will clap until it does. 397 00:34:41,029 --> 00:34:42,029 Hi, Tony. 398 00:34:42,509 --> 00:34:44,280 That's someone's seat. 399 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,840 Yes, honey, it's for your queen bee. 400 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:47,960 Zzzzzz! 401 00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:55,400 Works every time. 402 00:34:58,240 --> 00:35:03,178 # We-e-e-e-e-e're... 403 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:07,479 # The last of the super powers 404 00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:11,160 # George Dubya is our leader 405 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:14,960 # We've still got both Twin Towers 406 00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:17,160 # Never heard of Al-Qaeda 407 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,839 # It's September the 11th 408 00:35:22,001 --> 00:35:24,559 # Just another day 409 00:35:24,721 --> 00:35:28,600 # In a tower in downtown heaven 410 00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:30,600 # New York City 411 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:33,720 # US of A 412 00:35:41,721 --> 00:35:44,359 # Today will be better 413 00:35:44,521 --> 00:35:47,039 # Today will be the one 414 00:35:47,201 --> 00:35:49,399 # Today is no red letter 415 00:35:49,561 --> 00:35:51,839 # It's out there to be won 416 00:35:52,001 --> 00:35:54,359 # Today my sun is shining 417 00:35:54,521 --> 00:35:56,439 # Today is somewhere new 418 00:35:56,601 --> 00:35:59,119 # Today's a silver lining 419 00:35:59,281 --> 00:36:02,040 # Today will see me through 420 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,080 # Today will be better 421 00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,680 # Today will be the one 422 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:09,239 # Today is no red letter 423 00:36:09,401 --> 00:36:11,840 # It's out there to be won 424 00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:13,719 # Today you'll know I love you 425 00:36:13,881 --> 00:36:16,519 # Today you'll see it's true 426 00:36:16,681 --> 00:36:19,680 # Today's a day for saying I love you 427 00:36:23,481 --> 00:36:25,399 What a swell day to live in America! 428 00:36:25,561 --> 00:36:26,960 Gee, it sure is, buddy! 429 00:36:32,041 --> 00:36:33,839 How much do you make today? 430 00:36:34,001 --> 00:36:35,999 One million bucks! 431 00:36:36,161 --> 00:36:38,160 Did you see the Wall Street Journal? 432 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:41,600 Stocks are rising! Have a nice day! Have a nice day! 433 00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:54,080 # Today will be better 434 00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:57,000 # Today will be the one... # 435 00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:02,480 Michelle? 436 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:04,002 I'm in here, Tony. 437 00:37:07,601 --> 00:37:08,880 Don't come in. 438 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:10,640 I've got vomit in my hair. 439 00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:22,040 I just searched half the school for you. 440 00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:25,760 I don't know why. 441 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:27,920 Because you care about me. 442 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:33,800 I told you I loved you, didn't I? The day it happened. 443 00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:35,200 The accident. 444 00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:41,960 Do you actually remember or is that a guess? 445 00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:45,280 Does it matter? Doesn't change anything. 446 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:49,160 No. 447 00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:54,520 Should I say something else now? 448 00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:57,480 No. 449 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:01,240 Let's just say nothing for a bit. 450 00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:26,860 Michelle? Is Chelle OK? 451 00:38:26,980 --> 00:38:29,120 I just gave her some mild stuff to make her vomit. 452 00:38:29,399 --> 00:38:31,799 The look of her waist, I'm sure she's thrown up worse. 453 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:33,540 Who the fuck are you? 454 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:35,820 Do you believe in magic, Maxxie? 455 00:38:37,660 --> 00:38:38,700 When we kiss... 456 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:40,060 When we kiss... 457 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:41,420 I'm gay! 458 00:38:41,540 --> 00:38:43,260 Do you understand that?! 459 00:38:43,380 --> 00:38:46,020 Look at me! I'm as close to a boy as you can get! 460 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,060 You could love me. 461 00:38:49,180 --> 00:38:50,700 We could love each other. 462 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:52,220 You're fucking crazy! 463 00:38:52,340 --> 00:38:54,260 Excuse me. Excuse me. 464 00:39:00,420 --> 00:39:02,660 # I'm Boogie-Woogie Bagel Boy Let's get stuffed 465 00:39:02,780 --> 00:39:05,740 # He's the Boogie-Woogie Bagel Boy Watch him move... # 466 00:39:05,860 --> 00:39:08,380 You see? Just like a boy. 467 00:39:09,460 --> 00:39:12,879 Can you feel how hard my heart is beating? 468 00:39:13,041 --> 00:39:15,700 That's because by the end of this play, you'll have kissed me. 469 00:39:15,820 --> 00:39:20,340 And when you kiss me, everything will change. Maxxie, I love you. 470 00:39:40,500 --> 00:39:42,700 That's our cue. 471 00:39:51,039 --> 00:39:55,051 # Once I was a lonely banker 472 00:39:56,140 --> 00:40:00,940 # All I cared for were margins and accounts 473 00:40:02,740 --> 00:40:04,300 # I dreamed 474 00:40:04,420 --> 00:40:08,700 # Of Dow Jones and the FTSE 475 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:13,060 # I didn't see my credit running out 476 00:40:15,883 --> 00:40:20,387 # I passed you on the phone each morning 477 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:25,460 # I always gave a cheery smile 478 00:40:27,540 --> 00:40:29,220 # But you 479 00:40:29,340 --> 00:40:32,380 # You never even saw me 480 00:40:33,460 --> 00:40:37,380 # You were far too busy all the while 481 00:40:39,940 --> 00:40:44,780 # Then came the day Osama blew us away 482 00:40:44,900 --> 00:40:48,500 # Osama blew them away 483 00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:53,620 # And now you know how I feel 484 00:40:55,740 --> 00:40:58,340 # Then came the day Osama blew us away 485 00:40:59,940 --> 00:41:01,420 # Osama blew them away 486 00:41:04,260 --> 00:41:07,260 # Then came the day Osama blew us away 487 00:41:09,420 --> 00:41:11,380 # Osama blew them away 488 00:41:13,441 --> 00:41:18,220 # Then came the day Osama blew us away 489 00:41:19,420 --> 00:41:21,420 Nothing. 490 00:41:22,620 --> 00:41:25,100 I felt... nothing. 491 00:41:26,220 --> 00:41:27,820 You disgust me. 492 00:41:32,220 --> 00:41:33,220 No! 493 00:41:33,340 --> 00:41:36,540 That's not how it goes! It's not! It's not! 494 00:41:36,660 --> 00:41:39,620 You think you can fuck my life up and I'll start fancying you? 495 00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:42,100 Look at yourself. 496 00:41:42,220 --> 00:41:43,740 Stay out of my life. 497 00:42:21,140 --> 00:42:22,690 Now that's an ending! 498 00:43:30,540 --> 00:43:32,300 You look beautiful. 499 00:43:38,460 --> 00:43:41,100 You always look beautiful to me. 500 00:43:57,260 --> 00:43:59,340 Argh! Fuck! 501 00:44:01,260 --> 00:44:02,700 Oh. Hi. 502 00:44:05,820 --> 00:44:06,780 Hi. 503 00:44:09,980 --> 00:44:10,900 Hi. 504 00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:12,300 Can I come in? 505 00:44:14,100 --> 00:44:15,660 Well, um... 506 00:44:16,700 --> 00:44:18,820 Maxxie says you're a psycho. 507 00:44:19,860 --> 00:44:21,500 He thinks I fancy him. 508 00:44:21,620 --> 00:44:24,460 I don't. I fancy you. 509 00:44:25,500 --> 00:44:27,180 I wanna have sex with you. 510 00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:29,820 But I can't do it from out here, can I? 511 00:44:29,940 --> 00:44:32,780 Shit, man. Biology revision here I come! 512 00:44:40,620 --> 00:44:41,780 I'm a virgin. 513 00:44:41,900 --> 00:44:43,860 Oh. Congratulations. 514 00:44:48,020 --> 00:44:51,620 You mind if I list the complete filmography of Hugh Grant since'92? 515 00:44:53,820 --> 00:44:55,260 Slow things down. 516 00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:01,520 Bitter Moon. 517 00:45:03,020 --> 00:45:04,980 Remains of the Day. 518 00:45:05,100 --> 00:45:07,860 Sirens. Four Weddings. 519 00:45:07,980 --> 00:45:11,180 An Awfully Big Adventure - that one was rubbish. 520 00:45:12,340 --> 00:45:13,980 The Englishman Who Came... 521 00:45:14,100 --> 00:45:16,100 Came Up A Hill... 522 00:45:16,220 --> 00:45:18,580 And Went Down A Mountain. 523 00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:20,940 Nine Months. Sense... 524 00:45:21,060 --> 00:45:22,980 And Sensibil... 525 00:45:25,300 --> 00:45:28,220 Restoration. Extreme Measures. 526 00:45:28,340 --> 00:45:32,100 Ah... Notting Hill. Mickey Blue Eyes. 527 00:45:32,220 --> 00:45:34,180 Small Time Crooks. 528 00:45:34,300 --> 00:45:36,220 Bridget Jones! Ah! 529 00:45:37,900 --> 00:45:39,580 Bridget... Jones! 530 00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:40,920 Ah! 531 00:45:47,380 --> 00:45:49,020 I never get as far as About A Boy. 532 00:45:50,367 --> 00:45:53,332 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd transcript.subtitle.me.uk 533 00:45:53,452 --> 00:45:55,558 Resync: Nathbot 534 00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:06,319 Just thought I'd pop round, wonder if you're busy? 535 00:46:06,481 --> 00:46:09,139 My mum's coming so she can pretend to be married to my dad 536 00:46:09,259 --> 00:46:10,600 when my grandad arrives. 537 00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:15,380 But you will hurry. Tonight we will have much more great sex, ya? 538 00:46:18,240 --> 00:46:19,740 What time's your dad arriving? 539 00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:21,080 12. 540 00:46:21,340 --> 00:46:23,559 We can do it if we concentrate. 541 00:46:24,336 --> 00:46:25,500 Lisa! 542 00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:27,700 I want you to do this. 543 00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:28,900 No! 544 00:46:30,020 --> 00:46:31,620 I don't trust you. 37402