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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:24,250 --> 00:00:26,439 {\a3}Lovely Sid and lovely Michelle are fucking. 2 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:32,559 {\a3}- What the fuck...? - Shut up. 3 00:00:33,245 --> 00:00:35,279 {\a3}I'm saying it again. I love you. 4 00:01:08,918 --> 00:01:11,376 Skins Season 2 Episode 7 EFFY 5 00:01:24,970 --> 00:01:26,770 So, Paris is a shit-hole. 6 00:01:26,890 --> 00:01:29,570 It's filthy, it's expensive, everyone's French. 7 00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,770 We nearly came here for our honeymoon. 8 00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:33,759 If you could see this dump 9 00:01:33,930 --> 00:01:37,530 you'd appreciate those two weeks in Rhyl a lot fucking more! 10 00:01:37,650 --> 00:01:41,330 Sausages made of colon! I mean, is that your idea of romance? 11 00:01:41,450 --> 00:01:45,090 Anyway, bad news is head office want me out here for another week. 12 00:01:45,210 --> 00:01:48,450 Fucking frogs can't fart without my assistance apparently. 13 00:01:48,570 --> 00:01:50,170 So, be good for your mum, kids. 14 00:01:50,290 --> 00:01:53,874 Keep a tight ship. Yep, all ship-shape, you know. 15 00:01:54,610 --> 00:01:56,255 All right, well... 16 00:01:56,375 --> 00:01:59,330 Lots of love. This is Dad, by the way. 17 00:01:59,749 --> 00:02:02,090 - Hi, Dad. - Oh. Hello, sweetheart! 18 00:02:02,210 --> 00:02:03,719 You being good for Mum? 19 00:02:05,050 --> 00:02:08,031 - Helping her around the house? - I've got to go. Washing. 20 00:02:08,151 --> 00:02:11,450 - Woman's work never done, eh? - Yeah. Ha-ha. Bye, Dad. 21 00:02:11,570 --> 00:02:13,450 Bye. Can I speak to...? 22 00:02:20,824 --> 00:02:22,166 Morning, Mum... 23 00:02:22,286 --> 00:02:23,286 Tony? 24 00:02:25,050 --> 00:02:26,410 Tony's better, Mum. 25 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:30,479 You... erm... gonna get dressed today? 26 00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:34,050 Sure... sure, sweetie. 27 00:03:01,152 --> 00:03:02,291 How long? 28 00:03:02,411 --> 00:03:03,799 Don't rush me. 29 00:03:04,365 --> 00:03:06,406 I'm down to my emergency pants. 30 00:03:08,547 --> 00:03:11,239 The milk's off. I wouldn't bother with breakfast. 31 00:03:17,522 --> 00:03:18,810 Still nothing? 32 00:03:19,649 --> 00:03:20,799 Nothing. 33 00:03:21,227 --> 00:03:23,170 How many times have you called her? 34 00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:24,290 39. 35 00:03:24,570 --> 00:03:25,730 Texts? 36 00:03:25,850 --> 00:03:26,850 141. 37 00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:28,807 Nothing? 38 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,930 Nothing. 39 00:03:31,050 --> 00:03:33,650 Wow! Michelle really hates you. 40 00:03:35,141 --> 00:03:37,359 Well, you did totally fuck up her relationship. 41 00:03:38,290 --> 00:03:40,279 You stormed in and fucked it right up. 42 00:03:40,441 --> 00:03:42,530 Yes, all right! 43 00:03:43,228 --> 00:03:44,657 I love her, OK? 44 00:03:44,777 --> 00:03:45,840 Love? 45 00:03:46,001 --> 00:03:47,719 Just leave it, Eff. 46 00:03:49,091 --> 00:03:50,519 Love, love, love. 47 00:03:50,854 --> 00:03:53,879 What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. 48 00:03:54,850 --> 00:03:55,850 Yes. 49 00:05:10,570 --> 00:05:12,839 And that, ladies, is why Monet was shit. 50 00:05:13,010 --> 00:05:16,095 As Lucian Freud once said to me, "Water lilies? 51 00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:17,746 "My arse!" 52 00:05:18,370 --> 00:05:20,239 I was modelling in the morning, 53 00:05:20,410 --> 00:05:24,250 stroking him to thrilling climax in the afternoon. 54 00:05:24,370 --> 00:05:27,930 "Enid", he said, "You will never be an artist. 55 00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:29,879 "But your breasts are tremendous." 56 00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:33,850 And with great breasts come great responsibility. 57 00:05:33,970 --> 00:05:35,188 My task? 58 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,679 100% A grades through the medium of art. 59 00:05:39,370 --> 00:05:42,399 And we need coursework on the subject of emotion. 60 00:05:43,224 --> 00:05:46,210 Ursula, where is your emotion? 61 00:05:46,330 --> 00:05:48,739 Oh, em, it's almost done, Madame Deluca. 62 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,999 Marjorie, Araminta. 63 00:05:52,459 --> 00:05:56,246 All disciples of the redeeming rush of achievement. 64 00:05:57,130 --> 00:05:58,570 And, Effy... 65 00:05:58,690 --> 00:05:59,839 Ah yes, Effy. 66 00:06:00,010 --> 00:06:02,970 Is there any hint of creative flowering? 67 00:06:03,090 --> 00:06:05,039 Any gushing forth of self-expression? 68 00:06:07,356 --> 00:06:09,239 Well, as I understand it, 69 00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:12,679 in return for about �13,000 of your parents' money, 70 00:06:12,841 --> 00:06:15,479 we guarantee total success. 71 00:06:15,650 --> 00:06:18,559 So, I'd suggest you unblock your gush by Thursday. 72 00:06:19,610 --> 00:06:22,490 As Georges Braque once said to me, the... 73 00:06:23,359 --> 00:06:25,199 Is this Mrs Deluca's classroom? 74 00:06:25,410 --> 00:06:29,090 No, child. This is Madame Deluca's studio. 75 00:06:29,210 --> 00:06:30,759 And who, pray tell, are you? 76 00:06:30,930 --> 00:06:32,890 I'm Pandora. I'm new. They... 77 00:06:33,010 --> 00:06:34,919 - Sit or strip. - What? 78 00:06:35,130 --> 00:06:38,170 Either sit down or divest yourself of your clothing 79 00:06:38,290 --> 00:06:41,729 that we may feast upon your form with graphite and rubbers. 80 00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:45,370 The bells, ladies. 81 00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:47,060 They speak of achievement. 82 00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:49,913 They speak of the ecstasy of what? 83 00:06:51,130 --> 00:06:52,530 Self-expression. 84 00:06:52,650 --> 00:06:54,610 Self-expression! 85 00:06:54,730 --> 00:06:57,399 Yes. Yes. Oh, yes! 86 00:06:58,850 --> 00:07:01,159 - Isn't she heavenly? - She's ripping. 87 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:05,370 Daddy knew her in Morocco and she's totally gaga for Arabs. 88 00:07:05,629 --> 00:07:07,190 One moment, Effy? 89 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,439 Effy, one moment, please. 90 00:07:10,955 --> 00:07:15,023 I don't think we can leave a new girl to bloom unaided, can we? 91 00:07:17,090 --> 00:07:18,719 Pandora, darling, don't do that. 92 00:07:19,431 --> 00:07:20,358 Why? 93 00:07:20,930 --> 00:07:23,250 You see? An innocent. 94 00:07:23,370 --> 00:07:25,639 She needs a mentor, a guide, wouldn't you say? 95 00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:28,199 Er, no. I have my coursework and... 96 00:07:28,410 --> 00:07:31,319 You can help each other. Would you like that, Pandora? 97 00:07:31,530 --> 00:07:34,679 Yeah, I'd love it. I'm useless. That's why I'm here. 98 00:07:36,877 --> 00:07:38,610 How perceptive you are. 99 00:07:38,730 --> 00:07:41,743 And Effy, 100% success 100 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,260 or it's farewell to Westfield College for Young Ladies. 101 00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:47,170 You mean they'll expel me? 102 00:07:47,290 --> 00:07:50,690 Well, yes. Otherwise it doesn't work at all, does it? 103 00:07:50,810 --> 00:07:51,810 No. 104 00:07:52,330 --> 00:07:54,847 So, off you go, ladies. 105 00:07:54,967 --> 00:07:56,450 Enjoy! 106 00:07:56,570 --> 00:07:59,450 Dampen yourselves with the thrill of art! 107 00:08:01,530 --> 00:08:02,530 Wait! 108 00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:06,090 Effy, wait. Madame Deluca says we have to be friends. 109 00:08:06,210 --> 00:08:07,650 I don't have friends. 110 00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:10,319 Great. I don't have any either. Isn't that great? 111 00:08:11,078 --> 00:08:12,959 I can do something you can't do. 112 00:08:15,410 --> 00:08:17,119 There's nothing I can't do. 113 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,927 You can't do this, If it's good enough, can I be your friend? 114 00:08:21,690 --> 00:08:23,799 I've got my own rope and everything. 115 00:08:31,159 --> 00:08:32,159 Not bad. 116 00:08:32,921 --> 00:08:35,399 Mum sent me to circus school for my dizzy spells, right? 117 00:08:35,918 --> 00:08:39,639 Big finish, I take off my bra without unbuttoning anything. 118 00:08:40,202 --> 00:08:41,202 OK. 119 00:08:42,290 --> 00:08:43,770 OK, Effy. 120 00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:46,279 - What do you want? - I think you know what I want. 121 00:08:46,450 --> 00:08:48,519 Jake, I'm not going to screw you. 122 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:51,119 - Not even just as friends? - In your dreams. 123 00:08:51,774 --> 00:08:53,959 Come on, you promised me a tumble. 124 00:08:54,130 --> 00:08:55,690 Just as friends. 125 00:08:55,810 --> 00:08:57,759 - So, I lied. - Bummer. 126 00:08:58,706 --> 00:08:59,930 I'm ready. 127 00:09:00,050 --> 00:09:02,290 - Who's that, then? - Pandora. 128 00:09:02,410 --> 00:09:03,810 She's a bit funny-looking. 129 00:09:03,930 --> 00:09:05,759 So are you. 130 00:09:05,970 --> 00:09:08,479 You didn't say that when I gave you the neck job. 131 00:09:08,690 --> 00:09:11,519 Only because you said you'd help me sell spliff tonight. 132 00:09:11,730 --> 00:09:12,890 One... two... 133 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,130 Yeah, but I wanna lay you, baby. 134 00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:16,810 I mean, just as friends, right? 135 00:09:16,930 --> 00:09:19,450 I've got a friend. Wanker! 136 00:09:24,573 --> 00:09:25,919 Taa-daa! 137 00:09:29,155 --> 00:09:30,730 Impressive. 138 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,630 All right, Sid? 139 00:09:38,594 --> 00:09:40,618 I was just, eh... 140 00:09:41,443 --> 00:09:43,320 looking at your bins. 141 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:47,270 You wanna see Tony? 142 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,680 Well... eh... 143 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,760 might as well, now I'm here. 144 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:52,910 Come on. 145 00:09:57,074 --> 00:09:58,435 Busy day? 146 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,990 You all right, Tone? 147 00:10:06,926 --> 00:10:08,720 Wondered how you were doing. 148 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:11,400 Brilliant. 149 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,510 I've been worried about you since... 150 00:10:13,670 --> 00:10:15,726 ... you stole my girlfriend? 151 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,381 Well, she's gone off me too, Tone. 152 00:10:19,110 --> 00:10:20,430 Don't mind if I...? 153 00:10:20,590 --> 00:10:21,725 Not at all. 154 00:10:30,277 --> 00:10:31,190 Tangy! 155 00:10:33,794 --> 00:10:34,996 What's that? 156 00:10:35,473 --> 00:10:37,670 Came in the post. Michelle's handwriting. 157 00:10:37,830 --> 00:10:39,390 Can I open it? I love parcels. 158 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,070 That's Pandora. 159 00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:42,550 Hi. 160 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:47,055 Mum sends our Christmas presents to the poor in Africa... and Barnsley. 161 00:10:47,175 --> 00:10:49,950 Except for Scrabble, cos Mum says they probably can't read. 162 00:10:52,884 --> 00:10:54,910 I gave it to Michelle for her birthday. 163 00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:58,150 Tony, it's all my fault. Michelle was... It was just like... 164 00:10:58,811 --> 00:11:00,582 I was filling her gap. 165 00:11:00,882 --> 00:11:02,630 I mean... Not that gap... 166 00:11:03,646 --> 00:11:06,831 So who wants to hear my best cock gag? 167 00:11:06,951 --> 00:11:08,032 No, Mum. 168 00:11:08,152 --> 00:11:09,720 - Hello Anthea... - Oh, Jesus. 169 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,590 No, listen. Best cock gag... 170 00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,444 Mum, Mum. You don't need to. 171 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:28,005 Thank you very much! My name's Anthea Stonem. 172 00:11:28,353 --> 00:11:30,830 I shall be here all week. 173 00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:34,209 Come on, Mum. Think you need a lie-down. 174 00:11:34,470 --> 00:11:35,790 Did they like my gag? 175 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,711 Yeah. Yeah, they loved it. 176 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:44,480 OK, Mum. 177 00:11:45,285 --> 00:11:47,022 You take it easy. 178 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:50,310 Just have a nice little nap. 179 00:11:50,470 --> 00:11:51,683 Yeah. You do that. 180 00:11:51,803 --> 00:11:53,854 Then everything will be... 181 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,350 Is she mental? 182 00:12:25,909 --> 00:12:26,909 No. 183 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,560 Just tired. 184 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,251 Your brother's really nice. 185 00:12:39,555 --> 00:12:40,870 He's not nice. 186 00:12:41,335 --> 00:12:42,710 He's amazing. 187 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,273 He was hit by a bus, you know. 188 00:12:45,393 --> 00:12:47,458 Had to learn everything again. 189 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:48,910 How to swim. 190 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,200 How to write his name. 191 00:12:51,844 --> 00:12:53,769 How to be my brother. 192 00:12:54,102 --> 00:12:55,750 We're not getting on, are we? 193 00:12:55,870 --> 00:12:56,870 No, Sid. 194 00:12:58,604 --> 00:13:00,226 I was lonely. 195 00:13:00,718 --> 00:13:03,270 And sometimes when bad stuff happen... You just need... 196 00:13:03,714 --> 00:13:05,720 - A shag. - Yes. No! 197 00:13:06,201 --> 00:13:07,430 She was my girlfriend. 198 00:13:07,735 --> 00:13:10,750 Tony. She wasn't your girlfriend. You didn't want her. 199 00:13:10,911 --> 00:13:13,470 Well, now I do. So fuck you. 200 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,611 You remember when we were little and we had a fight? 201 00:13:23,731 --> 00:13:26,183 Like when you told Miss Stevens I shaved the hamster. 202 00:13:26,303 --> 00:13:27,430 Yeah. Like that. 203 00:13:28,162 --> 00:13:30,081 And we wouldn't talk to each other all day, 204 00:13:30,201 --> 00:13:32,710 then you'd turn up on your pink bike with the stabilisers. 205 00:13:32,870 --> 00:13:34,978 It wasn't pink, it was magenta. 206 00:13:35,098 --> 00:13:37,497 You'd say sorry and we'd do our special 207 00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:40,390 high five thing, and that was it. Sorted. 208 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,360 Yeah. 209 00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:43,879 Easy. 210 00:14:10,473 --> 00:14:12,289 - That didn't work, did it? - No. 211 00:14:12,792 --> 00:14:14,037 It didn't. 212 00:14:15,066 --> 00:14:16,792 - Where you going? - Revision. 213 00:14:16,912 --> 00:14:18,439 We've got to fix this. 214 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:20,630 Then get her back for me. 215 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,800 You're an idiot. 216 00:14:32,790 --> 00:14:34,534 You are fucking the wrong girl. 217 00:14:37,208 --> 00:14:38,708 It's Cassie you love. 218 00:14:39,224 --> 00:14:43,081 You only got mixed up with Michelle because, let's face it, men are dicks, 219 00:14:43,413 --> 00:14:47,440 and there was no-one else to screw, which is totally fucking pathetic. 220 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,320 Isn't it? 221 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:51,952 Has anyone ever told you, Effy, 222 00:14:52,072 --> 00:14:55,484 this whole sneaking up on people, getting inside their head, it's not cool. 223 00:14:56,472 --> 00:14:57,933 I'm right, though. 224 00:14:58,430 --> 00:15:01,110 You're always right! You and your fucking brother! 225 00:15:01,230 --> 00:15:03,515 You're always fucking, fucking... 226 00:15:05,232 --> 00:15:06,310 ... right. 227 00:15:09,230 --> 00:15:11,037 That milk's two weeks old. 228 00:15:11,790 --> 00:15:14,190 It's OK. I put some cocoa powder in it. 229 00:15:14,310 --> 00:15:15,910 It's a bit chewy, that's all. 230 00:15:18,910 --> 00:15:19,910 Shit! 231 00:15:21,313 --> 00:15:23,282 Why do I always screw up? 232 00:15:24,230 --> 00:15:26,589 You do seem pretty good at it, though. 233 00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:29,110 - Cass won't talk to me. - What makes you think that? 234 00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:30,630 Came in the post. 235 00:15:32,070 --> 00:15:35,790 My life is a total shit pile again. 236 00:15:36,110 --> 00:15:37,869 My best friend - I fucked it up. 237 00:15:38,150 --> 00:15:39,910 My girlfriend - I fucked it up. 238 00:15:40,070 --> 00:15:42,030 My other girlfriend - I fucked it up. 239 00:15:43,579 --> 00:15:45,910 You'd give anything to have it all fixed. 240 00:15:46,630 --> 00:15:50,069 But you're incapable of anything involving effort, focus or subtlety... 241 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:51,310 Yep. 242 00:15:51,430 --> 00:15:53,870 Women are a total mystery to you. 243 00:15:53,990 --> 00:15:55,990 - You got it. - Any good at art? 244 00:15:56,424 --> 00:15:57,752 Course not. 245 00:15:58,750 --> 00:15:59,870 My art coursework. 246 00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:03,270 It's on the subject of emotion and you seem quite... 247 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,710 Emotional. So you can do it for me. 248 00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:06,630 And? 249 00:16:06,990 --> 00:16:08,170 Oh, for Christ's sakes! 250 00:16:08,290 --> 00:16:10,070 I'll sort out your fucking soap opera. 251 00:16:10,321 --> 00:16:11,529 You will? 252 00:16:11,789 --> 00:16:13,390 Just this once. 253 00:16:28,430 --> 00:16:31,830 Oh! Effy, you've got such a lovely lot of clothes. 254 00:16:32,547 --> 00:16:35,350 Pals always share, don't they? Oh, hang on. 255 00:16:38,339 --> 00:16:40,270 Hi, Mum. Guess what? 256 00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:41,823 I've got a friend! 257 00:16:41,943 --> 00:16:43,960 No, not like the last one. 258 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,720 No, not on the internet. 259 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,480 No, Mum, she really is a girl this time. 260 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:52,280 Come on. 261 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:54,880 Where we going, Eff? 262 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,793 - Eff? - Yeah. Where we going, Eff? 263 00:16:56,913 --> 00:16:58,864 - To pick up. - Pick up what? 264 00:17:03,292 --> 00:17:04,413 Hi, Mum! 265 00:17:04,533 --> 00:17:06,192 We're just going to pick up. 266 00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,113 She wants to know what. 267 00:17:08,233 --> 00:17:09,067 Drugs. 268 00:17:09,187 --> 00:17:10,470 Salad. Eff! 269 00:17:23,841 --> 00:17:24,870 Come in. 270 00:17:27,726 --> 00:17:29,007 Who's this? 271 00:17:29,127 --> 00:17:30,636 - Pandora. - Hi. 272 00:17:30,756 --> 00:17:32,356 She's a virgin. 273 00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:33,910 Cool! 274 00:17:34,070 --> 00:17:36,270 Hey, Cass. I borrowed your knickers. 275 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:37,616 OK. See you. 276 00:17:37,736 --> 00:17:40,040 You're an awesome shag, you know that? 277 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,160 Of course! 278 00:17:49,180 --> 00:17:51,308 They're man and woman kissing! 279 00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:56,670 Cass. 280 00:17:58,738 --> 00:18:00,834 Sid says he's very sorry. 281 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,135 He loves you. 282 00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:03,630 He's sorry he fucked Michelle. 283 00:18:04,662 --> 00:18:06,360 He wants you back. 284 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,835 Tell him I've discovered the power of the pussy. 285 00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:10,258 Oh, yes! 286 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,355 That one's called Sidley. 287 00:18:23,818 --> 00:18:25,512 And that's Mischa. 288 00:18:27,249 --> 00:18:30,016 Isn't Mischa just so pretty? 289 00:18:30,649 --> 00:18:33,110 Look at Sidley, sliming all over her. 290 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:34,710 Disgusting, isn't he? 291 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,834 Are they doing it? 292 00:18:37,235 --> 00:18:39,390 Yes, they are doing it. 293 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,366 When I'm ready I'll pour salt on them. 294 00:18:43,374 --> 00:18:45,520 When I'm good and ready. 295 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:50,630 Come on, get your bush. 296 00:18:52,637 --> 00:18:53,840 There you go. 297 00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:56,230 Three eighths of top-quality weed. 298 00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:01,760 - All right if I pay you tomorrow? - It's all right. I can pay. 299 00:19:03,165 --> 00:19:05,408 How much is it for weeds? 300 00:19:05,528 --> 00:19:07,406 Oh. Not much. 301 00:19:11,460 --> 00:19:13,430 Grandpops died and left me his credit card. 302 00:19:16,336 --> 00:19:17,392 Right. 303 00:19:19,270 --> 00:19:22,110 Are we gonna put weeds in a reefer now and get honky? 304 00:19:22,230 --> 00:19:23,230 Not yet. 305 00:19:23,390 --> 00:19:24,758 It's open. 306 00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:27,590 - Hi, Cass. - Hi, Danny. 307 00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,174 Come here. 308 00:19:34,125 --> 00:19:35,600 Gotta get on, you know. 309 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,200 So, Sid? 310 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,610 Any other thoughts? 311 00:19:40,730 --> 00:19:44,624 Tell him I'm on a one-way ticket to Dick City, 312 00:19:45,282 --> 00:19:46,390 and I love it. 313 00:19:49,554 --> 00:19:50,962 Bloomin' heck! 314 00:19:51,082 --> 00:19:53,872 She's a bit of a... What do you call it? 315 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:55,790 Whore. 316 00:20:30,071 --> 00:20:32,160 Sorry I messed everything up. 317 00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:35,311 Sorry for not looking when I crossed the road. 318 00:20:37,544 --> 00:20:39,570 Sorry you got depressed. 319 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,640 Sorry Dad couldn't handle being around at home. 320 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,030 I love her, Mum. 321 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,120 I keep thinking... 322 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,070 I keep thinking she's just gonna turn up at the door. 323 00:20:56,795 --> 00:20:58,477 What's the point? You can't hear me. 324 00:20:58,597 --> 00:21:00,030 She's our Sleeping Beauty. 325 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:03,360 Jesus! 326 00:21:04,667 --> 00:21:06,831 Waiting for a prince. 327 00:21:07,639 --> 00:21:08,750 You want some spliff? 328 00:21:09,616 --> 00:21:12,430 - It makes me weird. - What, weirder than this? 329 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,440 Fuck it. 330 00:21:18,471 --> 00:21:19,830 Why bother? 331 00:21:21,589 --> 00:21:22,792 With what? 332 00:21:23,029 --> 00:21:25,200 Caring about people. 333 00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:31,476 You don't fool me, 334 00:21:31,596 --> 00:21:32,779 Effy Stonem. 335 00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,840 Hi, Mum! 336 00:21:56,931 --> 00:21:58,364 No, I'm fine. 337 00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,522 I'm super-duper fine. 338 00:22:02,794 --> 00:22:04,000 Yep. 339 00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:05,669 I'm with my friends 340 00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:09,754 and they're, like, so fucking amazing! 341 00:22:11,066 --> 00:22:13,070 Well, I guess I'm looking at Tony's cock. 342 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,110 But he can't tell. 343 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,280 See ya! 344 00:22:41,457 --> 00:22:42,470 Is Effy in? 345 00:22:50,043 --> 00:22:51,920 - Upstairs. - Ta. 346 00:22:52,591 --> 00:22:54,599 You gonna nail my sister? Is that it? 347 00:22:54,719 --> 00:22:57,000 First my girlfriend, then my sister? 348 00:22:57,120 --> 00:22:58,601 No, I... 349 00:23:00,790 --> 00:23:01,827 All right. 350 00:23:01,947 --> 00:23:03,390 Just asking. 351 00:23:05,610 --> 00:23:08,017 Nah, I'll wait till she's 16. 352 00:23:08,611 --> 00:23:10,189 Keep it legal, yeah? 353 00:23:14,178 --> 00:23:16,918 Loser isn't an emotion. 354 00:23:17,207 --> 00:23:18,684 It is to me. 355 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,150 - You think it's shit, don't you? - Yes. 356 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,674 I used four Biros! I bought them! 357 00:23:25,794 --> 00:23:27,009 Four! 358 00:23:27,430 --> 00:23:29,510 You owe me 79 pence. 359 00:23:31,997 --> 00:23:34,520 Woah, Effy, what are you doing? 360 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,362 I'm going out. You've got 24 hours, Sid, 361 00:23:37,482 --> 00:23:41,110 to produce something that doesn't look like coursework for GCSE Spaz. 362 00:23:49,203 --> 00:23:52,210 Dip your brush in that. And don't even think of leaving 363 00:23:52,330 --> 00:23:54,100 this room until you've done it. 364 00:23:59,140 --> 00:24:01,470 Listen, I don't think this is working out, yeah? 365 00:24:01,630 --> 00:24:03,710 Shall we just leave it, OK? I quit. 366 00:24:08,327 --> 00:24:11,320 Sid! Oh, my God! It's huge! Sid! 367 00:24:12,764 --> 00:24:14,680 All right. I'm doing it. 368 00:24:17,570 --> 00:24:18,714 Enjoy. 369 00:24:21,397 --> 00:24:23,810 Somebody come and get me. 370 00:24:24,410 --> 00:24:25,890 Why do I have to come? 371 00:24:26,010 --> 00:24:28,710 Because if you get any more boring, we'll have to put you down. 372 00:24:28,830 --> 00:24:30,983 - Nice. - I don't think you're boring, Tony. 373 00:24:31,103 --> 00:24:32,103 What about Mum? 374 00:24:32,235 --> 00:24:35,410 She doesn't like boys. She says they just want my pants to get into. 375 00:24:35,530 --> 00:24:36,810 No. My Mum. 376 00:24:37,357 --> 00:24:39,090 She's fine. She's asleep. 377 00:24:39,210 --> 00:24:40,770 Stop being a prick. All right? 378 00:24:41,482 --> 00:24:43,244 - Hi, Reg! - All right, sweetheart? 379 00:24:43,364 --> 00:24:44,750 How's the novel going? 380 00:24:45,425 --> 00:24:48,039 To be honest, Effy, I'm having a struggle with the denouement. 381 00:24:48,210 --> 00:24:49,970 My publisher's getting very picky 382 00:24:50,090 --> 00:24:52,450 about the post-modernist chapter structure. 383 00:24:52,915 --> 00:24:55,359 - Hang on, who's this? - This is Pandora. 384 00:24:55,570 --> 00:24:57,159 How old are you, love? 12? 385 00:24:57,658 --> 00:24:59,290 No. I'm... 386 00:25:00,650 --> 00:25:01,581 ... 32! 387 00:25:07,625 --> 00:25:09,662 I think you're taking the piss, little girl. 388 00:25:09,782 --> 00:25:12,079 And I don't like it when little girls take the piss. 389 00:25:12,241 --> 00:25:15,040 Do know what I wanna do with little girls who take the piss? Do you? 390 00:25:17,087 --> 00:25:18,759 I give 'em a lollipop. 391 00:25:23,186 --> 00:25:25,728 Go on in, girls. Have a good'un. 392 00:25:29,692 --> 00:25:30,753 ID? 393 00:25:33,155 --> 00:25:34,650 Strictly over 21s. 394 00:25:35,219 --> 00:25:37,069 Hang on. You just let them in. 395 00:25:37,189 --> 00:25:38,330 Who? 396 00:25:38,623 --> 00:25:39,719 Come on. 397 00:25:39,881 --> 00:25:41,370 Give me a fucking lollipop! 398 00:25:41,490 --> 00:25:43,244 Can't do it, mate. 399 00:25:44,810 --> 00:25:46,810 Yeah, in you go. 400 00:26:06,530 --> 00:26:07,970 Blimmin' heck! 401 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,330 You want to make fuck fuck with nice sexy boy? 402 00:26:15,450 --> 00:26:16,650 Piss off, Jake. 403 00:26:16,770 --> 00:26:18,119 You look hot, baby. 404 00:26:18,904 --> 00:26:20,799 It makes me want to take you! 405 00:26:21,679 --> 00:26:22,679 Holy shit! 406 00:26:22,890 --> 00:26:25,770 Listen to me, fuckpig. We've got spliff to sell, 407 00:26:26,175 --> 00:26:29,999 so send little Dicky back to Bollockistan and get on with it. OK? 408 00:26:36,177 --> 00:26:38,439 You do spliff. I'll do pills. 409 00:26:38,559 --> 00:26:39,559 What pills? 410 00:26:39,859 --> 00:26:43,519 Make over 100 quid and I'll make sure you get laid. Deal? 411 00:26:43,730 --> 00:26:44,759 Just as friends. 412 00:26:44,930 --> 00:26:46,281 Just as friends. 413 00:27:44,410 --> 00:27:45,810 Come on. 414 00:27:46,565 --> 00:27:48,530 Where's the sodding ashtray. 415 00:28:15,838 --> 00:28:17,450 This is brilliant, Eff! 416 00:28:17,570 --> 00:28:20,648 Best friends always go to the wizza together, don't they? 417 00:28:21,490 --> 00:28:23,140 I've seen it in the films. 418 00:28:28,810 --> 00:28:30,279 Got any loo paper, Eff? 419 00:28:31,690 --> 00:28:32,690 No. 420 00:28:33,170 --> 00:28:36,610 Eff? Eff. I wanna get wonky off my face too. 421 00:28:36,730 --> 00:28:38,079 Can I have one? 422 00:28:38,290 --> 00:28:41,410 Oh, for Christ sake. One. And you puke on your own, OK? 423 00:28:44,591 --> 00:28:46,130 You owe me three quid. 424 00:28:47,811 --> 00:28:49,099 What do you think? 425 00:28:51,010 --> 00:28:52,161 Oh, yes. 426 00:28:52,281 --> 00:28:53,893 Excellent, but... 427 00:28:54,013 --> 00:28:55,887 In you go girls. Have a good'un. 428 00:28:57,137 --> 00:28:58,169 But? 429 00:28:59,290 --> 00:29:01,379 The character arcs are immaculately achieved 430 00:29:01,499 --> 00:29:03,319 with a good degree of stylistic control. 431 00:29:03,530 --> 00:29:06,399 Especially liked the doorman with super powers. 432 00:29:06,570 --> 00:29:08,679 Vaporising Reeboks, very nice. 433 00:29:10,210 --> 00:29:12,496 But you need to move the climactic development back, 434 00:29:12,616 --> 00:29:16,250 so the orgy scene comes before the disembowelling of the Elvic Horde. 435 00:29:16,370 --> 00:29:17,370 See? 436 00:29:24,250 --> 00:29:25,900 That's it! 437 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:28,709 That's it! You solved it! 438 00:29:33,250 --> 00:29:34,690 Have a good one, mate. 439 00:30:12,294 --> 00:30:14,799 What the fuck are you doing? You just sold Michelle's watch. 440 00:30:15,645 --> 00:30:18,199 Let it go, Tony. Michelle did. 441 00:30:18,790 --> 00:30:20,614 What? What! 442 00:30:20,734 --> 00:30:21,859 Tony! 443 00:30:24,421 --> 00:30:26,868 Tony, the music's beautiful! 444 00:30:28,373 --> 00:30:29,770 You're beautiful! 445 00:30:29,890 --> 00:30:31,599 - Get off. - I love you! 446 00:30:32,416 --> 00:30:33,730 Pandora, no! 447 00:30:33,850 --> 00:30:35,130 I want to lick your bottom. 448 00:30:35,250 --> 00:30:36,290 No! 449 00:30:36,724 --> 00:30:39,450 I want to lick your... balls. 450 00:30:44,770 --> 00:30:46,133 For fuck's sakes. 451 00:30:50,992 --> 00:30:52,730 Time to go home. 452 00:31:07,890 --> 00:31:09,393 I fucking hate you. 453 00:31:39,730 --> 00:31:41,170 Well, hello. 454 00:31:49,455 --> 00:31:52,552 130 English pounds. 455 00:31:53,090 --> 00:31:55,920 I claim my prize. American Pie. 456 00:31:57,010 --> 00:31:58,450 Lucky you. 457 00:32:07,650 --> 00:32:09,730 Just one thing. 458 00:32:09,850 --> 00:32:12,130 Man, you said we were gonna get jiggy! 459 00:32:12,250 --> 00:32:13,890 I said you'd get laid, Jake. 460 00:32:14,010 --> 00:32:16,547 And you will. You will. 461 00:32:18,010 --> 00:32:19,615 Don't worry. 462 00:32:20,210 --> 00:32:21,850 You're gonna love this. 463 00:32:33,090 --> 00:32:36,970 So you don't know me but a very good friend of mine said you might be 464 00:32:37,090 --> 00:32:38,810 into what I'm into? 465 00:32:39,409 --> 00:32:41,640 Oh, and what's that? 466 00:32:44,772 --> 00:32:47,080 Then she told me that all that time 467 00:32:47,370 --> 00:32:50,399 she'd been screwing my friend. I was just... 468 00:32:51,277 --> 00:32:53,897 I couldn't believe she'd do that to me, you know? 469 00:32:54,650 --> 00:32:56,639 If it wasn't for my slugs, 470 00:32:56,850 --> 00:32:58,570 I don't know what I might have... 471 00:32:58,690 --> 00:33:01,444 Poor you. I can't believe it. 472 00:33:02,650 --> 00:33:04,407 It happened to me too. 473 00:33:04,527 --> 00:33:05,570 Yeah? 474 00:33:05,690 --> 00:33:07,650 And what did you do about it? 475 00:33:07,770 --> 00:33:09,391 Fuck relationships. 476 00:33:09,930 --> 00:33:12,068 I'm into mindless sex now. 477 00:33:12,570 --> 00:33:14,696 Oh, mindless. Yeah. 478 00:33:15,490 --> 00:33:18,090 You know, I just wanna blot everything out, you know. 479 00:33:18,210 --> 00:33:20,250 I'd really like to blot it out now. 480 00:33:20,370 --> 00:33:21,905 Right here, 481 00:33:22,970 --> 00:33:24,440 by this window? 482 00:33:26,770 --> 00:33:28,983 How old did you say you were? 483 00:33:29,103 --> 00:33:31,050 Oh, older than I look. 484 00:33:31,170 --> 00:33:33,650 It's the grief. It takes years off you. 485 00:33:34,490 --> 00:33:36,200 Oh, yeah. 486 00:34:19,010 --> 00:34:20,595 NOOOO!!!!!! 487 00:34:36,792 --> 00:34:38,167 Phone's buggered. 488 00:34:40,530 --> 00:34:42,106 Can't call her then? 489 00:34:42,890 --> 00:34:44,581 What's the use? 490 00:34:45,377 --> 00:34:48,189 The thing I don't understand is why her voicemail is off. 491 00:34:48,650 --> 00:34:50,606 If I could leave a message... 492 00:34:51,050 --> 00:34:53,038 But it just rings and rings. 493 00:34:53,490 --> 00:34:55,918 You really don't understand anything, do you, Tone? 494 00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:57,359 What? 495 00:34:57,682 --> 00:34:59,439 As long as it's ringing, 496 00:35:00,235 --> 00:35:01,610 she knows you're there. 497 00:35:06,562 --> 00:35:08,360 I can't believe you sold Michelle's watch. 498 00:35:11,210 --> 00:35:13,839 - Who says I sold it? - What d'you mean? 499 00:35:14,978 --> 00:35:16,770 Put your SIM in that. 500 00:35:16,890 --> 00:35:18,061 I'm going out. 501 00:35:36,050 --> 00:35:39,450 Michelle! There's a man here with a parcel for you! 502 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:27,909 Cass! 503 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,880 Listen, open the door, Cass. 504 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:37,240 Sid, she doesn't wanna see you. 505 00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:39,110 I don't fucking care, OK? Cass! 506 00:36:39,270 --> 00:36:41,670 Come on, leave it, man. This ain't... 507 00:36:42,502 --> 00:36:44,046 What the fuck are you doing? 508 00:36:44,166 --> 00:36:45,640 Jesus, Sid. Just go, man. 509 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:47,750 It's all right, Chris. I'm fine. 510 00:36:48,513 --> 00:36:49,880 All right. Watch it. 511 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,001 Yeah? Or I'll... 512 00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:54,209 What will I do? 513 00:36:54,329 --> 00:36:56,510 Bite his head off and spit in the hole? 514 00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:57,920 Yeah. 515 00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:01,550 I probably wouldn't do that, but... Yeah... 516 00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:14,750 What do you want, Sid? 517 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:18,000 I want you to stop what you're doing, OK? 518 00:37:18,399 --> 00:37:21,990 You know, fucking around. Fucking anything that moves. Just stop it. 519 00:37:22,349 --> 00:37:24,615 - You started it. - I don't care. 520 00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:27,423 I don't care. You're cruel. 521 00:37:28,003 --> 00:37:30,320 - I hate you. - Hate you right back. 522 00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:34,190 Why don't you pop over to Michelle's and give her one? Oh, another one. 523 00:37:34,350 --> 00:37:37,710 Give it a fucking rest, OK? You know, it's you and me. 524 00:37:37,870 --> 00:37:39,790 You know that and you're being stupid. 525 00:37:39,910 --> 00:37:40,990 My turn. 526 00:37:41,150 --> 00:37:45,470 You went away. Why did you go away? I needed you, and you pissed off. 527 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:48,110 My dad said... 528 00:37:49,439 --> 00:37:52,110 He said you're special but you're not. 529 00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,232 You're just slutting around like a spoilt kid. 530 00:37:55,352 --> 00:37:56,761 Michelle, Sid. Michelle! 531 00:37:56,881 --> 00:37:59,040 I don't love Michelle! 532 00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:01,190 I never loved Michelle. I loved you, but you... 533 00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:04,085 You... 534 00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:10,280 Oh, God. 535 00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:13,029 Where were you? 536 00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:17,590 Dad fucking died! 537 00:38:20,705 --> 00:38:22,138 I needed you... 538 00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:25,496 And Michelle... 539 00:38:27,071 --> 00:38:31,800 So we had great sex for three days and then guilty sex for the rest. 540 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:37,554 So what? 541 00:38:38,577 --> 00:38:40,080 I don't care. 542 00:38:44,240 --> 00:38:45,680 I did it. 543 00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:52,760 I hate you. 544 00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:58,571 Fine. 545 00:38:59,442 --> 00:39:01,487 Fuck 15-year-olds. 546 00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:05,461 Whatever. I'm sick of saying sorry. 547 00:39:11,735 --> 00:39:13,080 I love you. 548 00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:18,583 You say sorry. 549 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:22,440 I didn't fuck him, Sid. 550 00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:32,880 His mum had sewn his name into his trousers. 551 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:34,310 And well, 552 00:39:34,430 --> 00:39:36,119 he got a bit excited. 553 00:39:38,591 --> 00:39:40,480 And he squashed my slug. 554 00:39:41,684 --> 00:39:43,523 My slug called Sidley. 555 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:46,750 So I threw him out. 556 00:40:03,870 --> 00:40:05,966 Look, if he's still bothering you, Cass, then... 557 00:40:11,762 --> 00:40:12,815 Got ya. 558 00:40:13,669 --> 00:40:14,750 Smokin'! 559 00:40:50,616 --> 00:40:51,963 I love you, too. 560 00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,120 Deadline is upon us. 561 00:41:04,240 --> 00:41:07,480 I have coursework from everyone of a very high standard. 562 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:10,310 Pandora's contribution is thrillingly abstract. 563 00:41:11,229 --> 00:41:13,320 It simply reeks of emotion. 564 00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:15,646 The girl has great talent. 565 00:41:17,214 --> 00:41:18,702 Surprising. 566 00:41:19,106 --> 00:41:21,670 Even Ursula has come through with a little coaching. 567 00:41:22,041 --> 00:41:23,946 All As, without a doubt. 568 00:41:24,154 --> 00:41:26,774 Another triumph for the art department. 569 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:28,830 All we need is now is yours 570 00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:32,876 and we will have our 100% record for another year. 571 00:41:34,180 --> 00:41:35,524 It's finished. 572 00:41:35,644 --> 00:41:37,440 Oh. Splendid. 573 00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:39,879 And which emotion have you depicted? 574 00:41:39,999 --> 00:41:43,710 Anger, jealousy, bitterness, tiredness, 575 00:41:44,519 --> 00:41:46,350 hope, lust, 576 00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:48,664 love. 577 00:41:49,755 --> 00:41:52,590 A veritable feast. So where is it? 578 00:41:55,693 --> 00:41:57,034 It's everywhere. 579 00:41:57,154 --> 00:42:00,268 My dear girl, I'm not sure I understand. 580 00:42:00,476 --> 00:42:03,560 It's conceptual. You just can't see it. 581 00:42:04,956 --> 00:42:07,228 - You're saying you haven't done it. - No. 582 00:42:07,348 --> 00:42:09,225 I'm saying you can't see it. 583 00:42:09,710 --> 00:42:12,176 Well, I'm not quite sure that's going to work 584 00:42:12,296 --> 00:42:15,150 for the Anglo-Welsh GCSE Board, now, is it...? 585 00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:16,520 No. 586 00:42:17,194 --> 00:42:19,240 They'll just have to expel me. 587 00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:24,710 - Goodbye, Madame Deluca. - Goodbye, Effy. 588 00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,646 I was going to tell you about Georges Braque. 589 00:42:31,766 --> 00:42:33,909 He was a very great artist 590 00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:37,269 and also truly remarkable at oral sex. 591 00:42:38,007 --> 00:42:41,958 Anyway, he gave me some advice I've always remembered. 592 00:42:42,523 --> 00:42:43,840 What was it? 593 00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:45,910 If they don't like it, fuck 'em. 594 00:42:51,240 --> 00:42:53,440 Ah, Georges, 595 00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:55,000 Georges... 596 00:43:01,931 --> 00:43:03,147 Hello! 597 00:43:10,590 --> 00:43:11,886 I'm back! 598 00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:17,640 Hi, Dad. 599 00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:19,901 Hi. They let me come back early. 600 00:43:20,021 --> 00:43:21,160 That's great. 601 00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:22,640 Yes, isn't it? 602 00:43:23,308 --> 00:43:25,560 - Where's Mum? - She's asleep. 603 00:43:27,190 --> 00:43:29,270 Well, she won't mind if I go up, then. 604 00:43:30,396 --> 00:43:32,767 Tired after the flight, you know. 605 00:43:32,887 --> 00:43:33,929 Fine. 606 00:43:34,107 --> 00:43:36,470 So. You feeling OK, son? 607 00:43:37,425 --> 00:43:39,200 I'm feeling great, Dad. 608 00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:40,230 Good. 609 00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:42,120 That's really good. 610 00:43:43,470 --> 00:43:44,630 What you been up to? 611 00:43:45,771 --> 00:43:47,087 Revision. 612 00:43:47,704 --> 00:43:49,920 It's good to have you back, Dad. 613 00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:51,480 It's good to be back. 614 00:44:05,994 --> 00:44:07,160 Jim. 615 00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:08,560 Came home early. 616 00:44:09,242 --> 00:44:10,520 Missed you. 617 00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,320 I've been asleep. 618 00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:14,251 Is everything all right? 619 00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:16,360 Think so. 620 00:45:25,157 --> 00:45:27,510 {\a3}Well, I must say... 41884

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