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1
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SQUEALING OF BRAKES
2
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Effy!
3
00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:49,388
Effy!
4
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:51,595
Effy!
5
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,075
- What's wrong?
- It keeps happening.
6
00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:57,350
OK. Lie down.
7
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- Do you mind?
- No.
8
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I like this story, anyway.
9
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Thanks.
10
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"Orpheus was the greatest poet
who ever lived.
11
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"His music was so beautiful that when
he played, rivers would stop flowing,
12
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"winds would stop blowing,
and the skies would open up
13
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"so his wondrous melodies
could be heard by the gods in heaven.
14
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"One day, his wife, Eurydice,
was bitten to death by vipers.
15
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"Overcome with grief,
16
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"Orpheus played
heartbreaking songs on his lyre.
17
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"The gods were moved,
18
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"and so advised Orpheus
to travel to the land of the dead
19
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,390
"and sing his songs to Hades
to bargain for his wife.
20
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:55,395
"So it was
that Hades' heart was softened
21
00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:58,238
"and he allowed Eurydice to leave
on one condition -
22
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"that Orpheus would walk in front
and never look back."
23
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,200
- Hey! Here he is!
- Looking good, mate.
24
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,357
- Cheers. I feel quite good.
- (Liverpudlian) Oi! No pushing in. >
25
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,073
- (Boy) Oh, fuck off, you Scouse twat. >
- What's going on here, then?
26
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:19,155
Ah, you know, man. The winds of change.
Rivers of blood and all that.
27
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,112
Shit getting wild, man. Him and her,
28
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Sid and Michelle...
THUD!
29
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,035
- Easy, man.
- Yeah. Where is Sid?
30
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,878
He came early... with Michelle.
THUD!
31
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FAST DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
32
00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,955
CHEERING AND WHISTLING
33
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,034
All right?
34
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:48,877
It's loud.
35
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:51,879
You all right?
36
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:54,195
What do you mean?
37
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:56,470
You look a bit...
38
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:58,954
I'm fine.
39
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,151
Loudest club in the West, mate.
You gonna be all right?
40
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,555
Yeah. I'll be fine.
41
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,109
- Hey, Tony.
- Hey, Cass.
42
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,798
Are we going somewhere?
43
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:11,955
Oh, yes.
44
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,395
- You sure you're ready for this?
- I'm totally ready.
45
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:35,030
Ah. Isn't that sweet?
46
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,833
(Cassie) I'm sad about them.
47
00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,393
Aren't you?
48
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,551
I'm fine and dandy.
49
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:46,229
Good. We're just fine and dandy.
50
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:51,479
< Come on. You can buy me a drink.
51
00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:02,192
I think that since Sid and Michelle
are together, we should do the same.
52
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,112
- What, go out?
- Yeah.
53
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,469
Get dressed up?
Go on a date?
54
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:09,873
Yeah.
55
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,718
And we'd talk and eat dim sum,
then I'd take you home.
56
00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,318
And I'd walk you upstairs.
57
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,828
And I'd knock my head on the door frame
and fall downstairs.
58
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:20,031
- And I'd run and get the witch hazel.
- And I'd say, "Witch hazel?
59
00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:22,548
"What are you, 90?
Get me some fucking painkillers."
60
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,068
And I'd say, "Hey,
it's an excellent astringent.
61
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,395
"And we're out of aspirin, anyway."
62
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:30,273
And then I'd turn the argument
into a good, hard, angry fuck.
63
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:33,756
- That's where we might have a problem.
- What do you mean?
64
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:38,271
I've got a bit of a problem
in the... downstairs department.
65
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,594
What?
66
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:41,631
You know, downstairs.
67
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,113
What? Where?
68
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,673
Oh, for fuck's sake!
69
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,109
- My cock doesn't work.
- What?
70
00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,639
My cock doesn't work!
71
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:04,037
Hi. He's watching us.
72
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,078
We can't help it, Sid.
73
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,719
No.
74
00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,351
It's OK, isn't it?
75
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,515
Isn't it?
76
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,999
It's fine. We're fine.
77
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:29,108
Fine.
78
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,912
- OK?
- I'm fine.
79
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,791
And dandy.
80
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,836
Whoa! Here it comes.
81
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,912
Oh, I've missed this.
Fucking hell, I've missed this!
82
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,153
I feel good!
83
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:52,237
Yes, but take it easy, Tony.
84
00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:56,512
I feel so fucking good!
85
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,232
What about our date?
86
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,353
- Yeah!
- You all right?
87
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:06,154
I'm balalaika, feathered up,
and ready to rock da party!
88
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,713
Yeah, boy!
89
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,672
- Yeah, b-o-o-y!
- Yeah, b-o-o-y-y-y?
90
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:37,029
Yeah!
91
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:48,509
Dude. I can't believe you're going out
with Michelle.
92
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:50,198
It just kind of happened.
93
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,151
But you're... you know.
94
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,394
What?
95
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,351
Well, you're not exactly...
96
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,789
Not exactly what, exactly?
97
00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:59,717
Not exactly, you know...
98
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,473
...a player, a don,
an R Kelly, a baby daddy...
99
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:04,748
All right. I get it.
100
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,155
...a smooth criminal,
a president of the USA,
101
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,760
- a Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, cheese Buddha.
- OK.
102
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,552
Hey, Sid.
103
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,593
Tony. Um... you having a good evening?
104
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:18,517
I'm just marvellous, Sidney.
105
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:22,109
Like hell on Earth in here.
Glorious. Yourself?
106
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,833
- Er, yeah, yeah, I'm all right.
- Excellent!
107
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,711
Vibrant! Superb!
108
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,318
So glad to hear it.
109
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,998
Tony, are you OK?
110
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,350
I'm top-notch, buddy.
Enjoying your night out?
111
00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:36,715
Me, too.
112
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:46,834
Oh, my God...
113
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:53,788
Oh. >
114
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:55,319
Hey, Nips.
115
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:59,069
- Don't call her Nips, Tony.
- Why, what you gonna do?
116
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:02,078
I'm, er... objecting.
117
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,115
Strongly.
118
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,720
- Come on.
- Tony, what are you doing?
119
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,479
Isn't she pretty? Eh, man?
120
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,830
Eh? Eh? Hey!
121
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:16,236
- Tony!
- You two make such a sweet couple!
122
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,909
Out of all the world's famous lovers -
Antony and Cleopatra...
123
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,190
- Listen.
...Taylor and Burton, Jordan and Peter...
124
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:23,958
(Michelle) Stop it.
125
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,436
...Bert and Ernie,
I would say that you two are,
126
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,278
quite possibly, the greatest snog
history has so far encountered.
127
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,993
What is wrong with you, Tony?
Are you OK?
128
00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,873
What is it with you people
and the concept of OK?
129
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:39,708
I mean, we're a fucking threesome,
aren't we? You know... peas in a pod.
130
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,876
A fucking family - that's what we are.
131
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,194
- Do you need to sit down?
- No!
132
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,390
- Just calm down.
- No. I need to...
133
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,193
I don't... I've got...
134
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,037
I need to go...
135
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,194
Out of my way! >
136
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,431
VOMITS
137
00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:20,670
- (Girl) It's a panic attack. That's all.
- What?
138
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:24,030
It sounds like you're having a panic
attack.
139
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:26,719
I can't breathe.
140
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,273
I can't...
141
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,392
< Maybe it's because
you wanna fuck your sister.
142
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,637
- What?
- Do you want to fuck your sister?
143
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:37,069
No! Jesus!
144
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,271
It's just people say panic attacks come
from deeply repressed sexual urges.
145
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,309
You know?
146
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:46,477
- What?
- I was just testing a theory, see.
147
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,238
FLUSHING
148
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,156
Actually, I'm talking shit,
149
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,998
cos it turns out a panic attack's
just a fuckload of adrenaline
150
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,076
mainlining into your heart.
151
00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:00,078
It's just how we deal with danger.
152
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:02,429
"Fight or flight", they call it. Right?
153
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,596
I don't know you.
154
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:07,029
Are you a fighter or a flighter,
Tony Stonem?
155
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,719
- Huh?
- Cos depending on your answer...
156
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,678
Well... a lot depends on your answer.
157
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,912
See you around.
158
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,633
SQUEALING OF BRAKES
159
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,031
DOORBELL RINGS
160
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:54,234
Hi, Effy.
(Silly voice) How are you?
161
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,078
I'm fine.
(Mimics Michelle) How are you?
162
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,758
Good. Is Tony here?
We need to speak to him.
163
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,591
Tea? Coffee, anyone?
164
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,551
- Er... no, thanks.
- Er, no, I'm fine.
165
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,194
- Tony?
- No, thank you.
166
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,391
You OK, Tony?
You seem a little under...
167
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,396
well, under the bed.
168
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,829
(Tony, muffled) I'm fine.
169
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,394
- Tony, come out.
- I'd prefer not to.
170
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:46,078
- I think we need to talk about this.
- I really don't know what you mean.
171
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,156
Well, me and Sid are together now.
172
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,668
(Tony) Yeah. I know.
173
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:53,632
And you're obviously not OK with it.
174
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:58,276
- Who says I'm not?
- Well, you did, pretty much, last night.
175
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:03,314
(Tony) Oh, come on. I was only taking
the piss. You know... cos it's funny?
176
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:09,478
Listen, do you mind?
I've got an interview. Got to get ready.
177
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:13,513
- All right?
- Oh, OK. See you later, Tone.
178
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,599
Bye, Tony.
179
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,159
(Tony) Bye.
180
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,353
CRASH!
181
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,879
Fuck!
182
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,195
Take this.
It's stuff. Maps and shit.
183
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:50,832
OK.
184
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:56,032
You look really good, Tony.
Like you're ready for anything.
185
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,273
Thanks. See you later.
186
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,195
I'm gonna tell you a story.
187
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,273
A bloke,
188
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,390
he wakes up one morning.
189
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,874
He gets dressed.
He goes down the stairs.
190
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,878
He makes himself
a little bit of breakfast.
191
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,195
He walks to the garage,
he gets in his car.
192
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:14,630
He starts his car, drives off...
I don't know, a couple of miles.
193
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,875
Stops. Gets out his car.
194
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:19,718
Has a couple of blokes
pour petrol over his head and...
195
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,077
...sets fire to himself.
196
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,034
- He... what?
- Sets fire to himself. Fucking boom!
197
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,278
What's in the bag?
198
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,039
My sandwiches.
199
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,190
So what we got?
200
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,550
Ham and cheese, chicken,
or egg and cress.
201
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,238
Egg and cress.
202
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,836
Isn't life wonderful?
203
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:08,719
You looking?
204
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:14,039
- I don't... What?
- A few scars, a few marks.
205
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,670
What do you think of them?
206
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,597
I think they're horrible.
207
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,790
At least I fucking wear 'em. Right?
208
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,913
- Right.
- How about you?
209
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,997
- Do you... have any marks?
- No. I'm fine.
210
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,758
Oh, yeah, course you are. >
211
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,478
You're fine and dandy.
212
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:39,112
Right?
213
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,359
Egg and cress.
214
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,316
It's a little fucking miracle.
215
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:48,073
18 years old. The age of opportunity.
216
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,190
I bet you can't wait to come here.
217
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,596
Imagine it - being able
to live away from your parents
218
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:58,953
and you can do anything you like,
like stay up all night and eat ice cream!
219
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,599
- Derek.
- Thanks, Polly.
220
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,392
So...
221
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:08,991
new home, new friends, new horizons.
222
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,871
The good times, the bad times...
223
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,150
The parties.
Oh, my God, the parties!
224
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:17,113
The loves that will never be,
even though they seem so right.
225
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:21,153
Just remember, though,
that if you will drink -
226
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,430
and personally,
I have a bitter lemon...
227
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,874
...but if you do, just don't overdo it,
228
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:32,959
or you won't be able to get up in the
morning for your lectures!
229
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:38,838
So... any more questions
before group sessions?
230
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,110
(Northern male) Are you two
shagging or what?
231
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,353
No, we're not.
232
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:54,389
I adore Derek to bits,
but he's more like a brother.
233
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,715
But you'll make friends
like that here too.
234
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,320
Friends who appreciate
that you never,
235
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:02,591
never, never want that to happen.
236
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,552
So... no.
237
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,910
We're certainly not doing that.
238
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,037
No. We're not. We're...
239
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:14,559
truly not.
240
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:20,029
(Voice breaks) Any more questions
before? (Thank you.)
241
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:08,793
Why d'you have to go and beso beautiful inside?
242
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:13,675
Don't you know it's torturous?
243
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,917
You have got some great charisma...
244
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:21,509
You know, if you don't
work together, then you'II...
245
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,272
You're late.
246
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,390
Sorry... I couldn't find the room.
247
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:33,116
Yet everybody else seems to have managed,
which I find kind of spooky, really.
248
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:36,799
Sorry.
249
00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:39,839
Please.
250
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:46,196
So... whilst you were meandering
around the corridors,
251
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,674
we were introducing ourselves. Martin,
252
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,917
you were telling us
what you did in your gap year.
253
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,555
Yeah... As I was saying, I spent
most of my time in Central America.
254
00:20:55,600 --> 00:21:00,151
You know, building bridges of the real
and the symbolic variety.
255
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:05,115
You know, just really teaching the people
out there the value of teamwork.
256
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,390
So 6,000 years of tribal society,
257
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:11,115
they still hadn't managed to grasp
the rudiments of teamwork.
258
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:15,358
Sloppy. They must have been
delighted that you showed up.
259
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,038
You next.
260
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,469
- Me?
- Yes, yes, you.
261
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,476
Enlighten us, do.
262
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,317
Um, OK.
263
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,991
I'm Tony Stonem.
264
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,349
- I go to college. I live in...
- I actually said enlighten us.
265
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,311
Don't bore us, Mr Stonem.
266
00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:41,717
Speak about yourself, about your motives,
your drive, your animus.
267
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,950
- I...
- Don't know what animus means, do you?
268
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,357
- Yes. I know what it means.
- Well, I'm relieved.
269
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:55,439
You see, because at this university,
we don't have room for the inarticulate.
270
00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,238
I think I'd better go, then.
271
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,077
Bye.
272
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:10,918
Good. So, Tony, you were about to tell us
just how extremely clever you are.
273
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,559
- I'm not that clever.
- Oh, he's clever, all right.
274
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,795
Really? >
275
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,478
Touching.
276
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,795
Sadly lacking in substance.
277
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:26,834
At our university you have to have verve,
a sense of charisma -
278
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:30,589
intellectual thrust. That's what
we're here to do this afternoon -
279
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,837
find out whether you're a giver,
or whether you're...
280
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,030
< Willing to sleep with the lecturers?
281
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,353
- I'm sorry?
- I was just making the point, sir,
282
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:44,029
that you've been screwing every girl
in here with your eyes since we arrived,
283
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:48,756
which suggests that sex ranks higher
than substance.
284
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,870
And I'll pass, thanks.
285
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:54,708
You see, I don't really find
intellectual thrust that sexy...
286
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,638
Or fake tan, for that matter.
287
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,069
Oh, you think that's funny, do you?
288
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,435
- It's possibly funny.
- Possibly funny.
289
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,153
Right, well, the thing is,
I don't actually have to put up...
290
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,158
OK. Cool. See ya.
291
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:17,517
I think you should join her.
Don't you, Tony?
292
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:24,679
Toodle-oo.
293
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,074
DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS
294
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,031
You.
295
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,275
(Girl) You really fucked up in there.
296
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:43,029
(Tony) I really fucked up? Wait,what are you even doing here, anyway?
297
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,798
Same thing you are.
298
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,835
Wow! Check it out.
299
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,354
Ah! Shall we?
300
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:09,718
No. No way. First of all, I can't really
swim very well any more and secondly...
301
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,352
Ah, boo-hoo!
302
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,710
SHE LAUGHS
303
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,159
What the fuck?!
304
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,111
I told you, I can't...
305
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:24,076
- I can't... can't swim!
- Oh, you're such a pussy.
306
00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:32,956
- I can't.
- You just don't want to. Lie back.
307
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,558
That's it.
308
00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:37,712
You're OK.
309
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,398
It's easy.
310
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:42,839
Just float.
311
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:49,074
Why d'you have to go and beso beautiful inside
312
00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:54,148
Don't you know it's torturous?
313
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,514
You have got some great charisma
314
00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:04,033
But to our senses we are all estranged
315
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:08,032
Why d'you have to go and beso beautiful inside...
316
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,036
< Excuse me.
317
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,554
Come here, please.
318
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:20,392
...You have got some great charismaBut to our senses we are all estranged...
319
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:24,399
Come on. Bit naughty, but never mind.
320
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,192
Up you come.
321
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:38,398
Tony - is that right?
322
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:40,317
Yes.
323
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:43,909
Now, Tony, the thing is, we're not
really supposed to go in the pool.
324
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:48,112
- It's really only for sporting events.
- And the Super Irony Fun Splash Club.
325
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:53,075
And the Super Irony Fun Splash Club, too.
You're supposed to be on the tour.
326
00:25:53,120 --> 00:25:55,680
There was this girl, but she's gone.
327
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,870
Don't go with her, Tony.
328
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,673
- What?
- You should join us.
329
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:02,312
What?
330
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:05,830
Yes. We'll find you
somewhere you can dry off.
331
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,156
You should get out
of those wet clothes, too.
332
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:12,988
I'd really like to see you
out of those clothes.
333
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,315
I'll lend you my cagoule.
334
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,310
I'm all right, thanks. Just...
335
00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:21,191
I'm all right.
336
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,879
(Derek) 'Built in 1972, then demolished
the following year'
337
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:30,515
before being rebuilt in '85,
the Bulwer-Lytton building
338
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,393
is a classic example
of the late modernist,
339
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:34,919
post-Bauhaus development
340
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,475
from humanist rationalist
impulses from utility.
341
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:42,638
Inspired by Alvar Aalto's signature style,
the building is built...
342
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,274
Psst!
343
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:46,639
In here. Come in here.
344
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:52,357
...social interaction and the hyper
relevance of volume as, er...
345
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:58,279
I want to talk to you.
346
00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:00,873
Come here, then.
347
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:09,596
- What are you doing?
- The idea is to walk across the room.
348
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,473
The room's full of shit.
349
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,637
This is a lab. It's an experiment.
350
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,109
Come here.
351
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:21,118
ELECTRICITY BUZZES
352
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:22,639
For fuck's sakes.
353
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:26,276
BREAKING GLASS
354
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,072
Fuck.
355
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:32,876
Oh, shit!
356
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:34,239
SHE LAUGHS
357
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:35,269
Ow.
358
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,353
ALARM BLARES
359
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,391
(Tony) Bollocks.
360
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,116
Well done.
361
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,674
Well done?
362
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,198
You got here, though.
363
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:54,593
What do you want from me?
364
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:55,834
ALARM CONTINUES
365
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,758
Hey! Who's in there? Over here! >
366
00:27:58,800 --> 00:27:59,789
Better run.
367
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:03,674
(Man) Hey! Stop! Come back here, you!
368
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,917
Oi! They're going down
the science block.
369
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:08,439
Come back!
370
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:26,671
Halls of residence.
371
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,029
Shall we?
372
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,476
SNIFFS
373
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:41,080
Ah-hah.
374
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:48,512
Good afternoon.
375
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:49,879
How may I help you?
376
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:53,993
We're seeking shelter
from the fascist oppressors.
377
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:55,519
And we're wet.
378
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,354
Can I interest you in some hashish?
379
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:03,992
I'm not really supposed to.
380
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,349
Drugs do odd things to me
at the moment.
381
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,834
Aren't they supposed to?
382
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:10,677
This is Matt.
383
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:12,199
You want a hit from the bong?
384
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,391
He is an artist. Truly, an artist.
385
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:18,512
I'm Toby. His roommate.
386
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:23,998
And this is of the purest,
highest possible grade.
387
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:25,268
I assure you.
388
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:26,799
(Girl) Cool!
389
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,593
SHE LAUGHS
390
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:31,870
Bravo!
391
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:33,876
All splendid fun.
392
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,592
KNOCK AT DOOR
393
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:40,510
Polly! My little chaffinch.
How the devil are you?
394
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:44,758
I'm going to pretend that
I don't smell that, Toby.
395
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:47,394
Smell what, mon petit chou?
396
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,716
It's very, very naughty,
what you're doing, Toby.
397
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:52,113
Quite possibly.
398
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,754
Anyway. Have you seen a...
399
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:56,597
wet boy running around here?
400
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:59,234
He's lost.
And he's truly in a lot of trouble.
401
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:03,592
We have witnessed no moist children
402
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:08,111
of the masculine variety
gallivanting within these halls, no.
403
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:10,435
Oh, hey, Poll. How's it going?
404
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:11,674
Oh... Hi, Matt.
405
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:13,915
You, er,
you thought about what I asked you?
406
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:15,109
Yes, actually, I have...
407
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:17,276
And?
408
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,550
All right, you can shag me.
But only once.
409
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,356
You're lucky Bruce is in Guatemala.
410
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:25,834
Fine. I'll be around later.
411
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,073
Can't allow our friends
to be naked alone, Matthew.
412
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:43,951
It's just not cricket.
413
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,479
< Got ya...
414
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:08,154
They're beautiful.
415
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:09,758
Oh, thanks.
416
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,995
I do them myself.
417
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:13,109
Do you?
418
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:14,639
Yeah.
419
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,990
So you could do me... now?
420
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:22,989
Sure, if you're up for it.
421
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:33,112
BUZZING
422
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:39,349
Does it hurt?
423
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:42,353
Beautifully.
424
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:47,235
What are you getting?
425
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:51,910
A mark... Passion...
426
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,800
Want...
427
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,475
Need...
428
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,591
My, my.
429
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:11,395
Thank you.
430
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:14,318
My...
431
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:18,751
My pleasure.
432
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:24,598
(Girl) Come and look at it.
433
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:30,069
What's it like?
434
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,111
Good.
435
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:33,752
Touch it.
436
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:34,789
What?
437
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:36,319
Touch it.
438
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:42,516
GASPS
439
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:45,789
I can't do this.
440
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:49,355
So many things you can't do.
441
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:53,154
You can't swim, you can't run...
442
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,634
You can't fuck.
443
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:57,511
Oh, dear.
444
00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:00,279
How d'you know that?
445
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:02,834
But you can, Tony Stonem.
446
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,952
You can fuck me right now.
447
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:07,115
No, I couldn't.
448
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:08,149
You want to.
449
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:10,111
Hey, fuck you!
450
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:11,593
I got hit by a fucking bus.
That fucks you up.
451
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:13,915
Well, fuck you right back.
452
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:15,837
You're just not trying hard enough.
453
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,314
You must be so happy
the way you are.
454
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,828
Why do you care if my dick
can get hard or not?
455
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,075
This is fucked up beyond words.
456
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,076
Coward. Fucking coward.
457
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:26,155
Coward.
458
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:27,315
Wanker.
459
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:33,549
Why don't you just stop being such
a fucking pussy and let the fuck go?
460
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:37,391
Fucking leave me alone!
461
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:59,390
There you are. Are you OK?
462
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,278
Look at you, you poor thing.
463
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:07,233
Come with us. We'll get you some
warm clothes and a nice hot tea.
464
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:11,114
The Musical Society are going to
do a performance for all of you.
465
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:12,912
HMS Pinafore.
466
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,394
(Polly) I've treacle and toffeeI've tea and I've coffee
467
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:18,671
Soft tommy and succulent chops
468
00:34:18,720 --> 00:34:22,349
So buy of your ButtercupPoor Little Buttercup
469
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:25,312
Come of your Buttercup, buyl
470
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:27,954
(Polly) Come back!
There'll be cheese and wine.
471
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,115
(Derek) It'll be fun!
472
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:31,833
(Polly) There's always cheese and wine!
473
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:44,239
Take a seat.
474
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,913
Eventful day.
475
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:57,875
Pissing around in pools,
smashing up labs, avoiding activities,
476
00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,911
getting up to no good in the dorms.
477
00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:00,949
How'd you know what I?
478
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:02,638
And now you turn up
479
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:07,549
for an interview like, well...
480
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:11,354
You know, I'm amazed you
actually even bothered, really.
481
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:15,236
But I'm a fair man,
482
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,669
so bearing all that in mind,
483
00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:19,870
why don't you
484
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:25,074
try to convince me into offering you
a place at this university?
485
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:33,829
Oh, you think you're so original,
don't you?
486
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:35,632
I have met a million kids like you.
487
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:39,275
Yeah, vaguely intelligent.
Agonisingly middle-class.
488
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:43,871
Read a book by Camus, a book by
Kafka. No real substance, though.
489
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,673
Just a little fucked-up jumble
of misdirected,
490
00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:51,316
immature, poly-sexuality
and pure, arrogant, impotent rage.
491
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,348
So...
492
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,118
What you got, big boy?
493
00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:04,798
Get off me.
494
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:08,276
You don't know a fucking thing about me,
you sanctimonious cunt.
495
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:11,710
But since we're playing the guessing
game, let's make a few assumptions.
496
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,638
A divorced, Ionely,
middle-aged lecturer,
497
00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:16,830
who lives alone
and gets his rocks off...
498
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:17,869
You are really
fucking blowing this...
499
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:21,833
...gets his fucking rocks off trying
to sleep with fucking first years.
500
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:25,555
Other hobbies include intimidation
and furtive masturbation.
501
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,433
I bet you thought you'd died
and gone to heaven when you got here.
502
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:31,233
Your own office
and all the students you could eat.
503
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:32,269
Let go of me now.
504
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:35,073
Animus.
505
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:38,430
It means spirit, courage,
506
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,199
passion, wrath.
507
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:45,911
This is mine.
508
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,913
Who the fucking hell
do you think you are?
509
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:54,996
I'm a bad dream, mate.
510
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:58,476
I'm you before you shrivelled
and died.
511
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:00,954
And I don't wanna go
where you've been.
512
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:06,596
So in answer
to your earlier question,
513
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,029
you should've given me a place here.
514
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,594
I'd have been the best student
you'd ever had.
515
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:35,791
Here he comes. Welcome back, Tony.
516
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:41,313
Congratulations, Tony.
Good work, sir.
517
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:42,475
Enjoy.
518
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:44,556
The pleasure is all yours, sir.
519
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:46,989
The pleasure is all yours.
520
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:27,438
PANTS
521
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:43,799
You're not coming?
522
00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:47,870
I think I'll stay here for a while.
523
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:50,589
It's peaceful.
524
00:39:54,720 --> 00:39:56,836
Go home.
525
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:01,669
It was good to meet you.
526
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:11,519
Thank you.
527
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,431
Don't look back, Tony.
528
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,758
APPLAUSE
529
00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:23,709
Hey, Tone.
530
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:25,955
Where are Sid and Michelle?
531
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:27,479
No idea.
532
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:29,839
You're a terrible liar, Jal.
533
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:32,314
Anybody can see you've
got something going on.
534
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:42,429
Shit!
535
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:43,469
(Michelle) Christ!
536
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:44,509
What the fuck?!
537
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:45,788
Tony!
538
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:47,034
What the fuck are you?
539
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:48,069
Shut up!
540
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:49,235
Sid, are you gonna let him?
541
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,840
- Tony, I'm objecting to...
- You're always fucking objecting!
542
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:53,518
Can't you do something?
543
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:56,074
OK. OK, Jesus.
544
00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:01,389
Tony, what?
545
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:04,910
Are you trying to scare me,
cos it's not working?
546
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:07,509
I love you.
547
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,830
I'm saying it again. OK?
548
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:15,792
And you.
549
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:18,354
I love you too, you little fucker.
550
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:27,875
This is wrong.
Can't you see it's all wrong?
551
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:29,194
You're my girlfriend!
552
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,551
And you're my best friend.
553
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:33,715
Tony, I love her.
554
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:35,398
- No, you don't.
- OK, maybe I don't.
555
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,192
He loves Cassie.
556
00:42:38,240 --> 00:42:42,279
And you love me.
That works.
557
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:43,389
We work.
558
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:46,000
Why now? It's too late.
559
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:47,792
It's always been there, Michelle.
560
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:49,512
It just took a while.
561
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,710
I need you.
562
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:56,359
You can't have her.
563
00:42:58,320 --> 00:42:59,309
It's wrong.
564
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:02,949
It's wrong.
565
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:05,999
That's all I'm trying to say.
566
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:47,355
Everything's going
to be all right, Cass.
40090
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