Original subtitles

EMMY: Honestly, am I even allowed to be this sad

my mom died?

Parents die. That's what happens.

I was listening to my playlist "Sad Songs for Tearful Times"

and "Tears in Heaven" came on.

That is about losing a child.

That's tragic.

So maybe I'm not allowed to be sad.

Eric Clapton is allowed to be sad.

But he also might be an antisemite.

So, maybe not.

-So, is that a single shot of espresso or a double?

-Yeah, probably just a single shot of espresso for her.

Or a water. Do you have a water?

Just a shot of water.

♪

-I think there's a spot in the back.

-Ooh, I had a boyfriend who looked like that.

Thick.

-Ugh!

-Oh! Macarons.

Do you know that your father, he called them mac-a-roons

on our honeymoon? I knew the marriage was over.

-Still decided to have three kids.

Awesome.

♪

JAY: Okay, Em...

Just checking in here, you know?

Where's our head at? What are we working on?

You know, are we working on this?

Or are we working on this?

'Cause you've been acting a little, uh...

-I know. I know I have.

But don't worry, I figured out exactly what I need to do.

-Okay, great. Oh my God.

So, did you find someone that you can talk to, or...?

-I'm gonna do an obstacle course for cancer.

-You're gonna do an obstacle course for cancer?

-In the mud.

-You're gonna do an obstacle course for cancer in the mud?

-Mm-hm. And it will obviously be the culmination

of all of my grief.

-Obviously.

-All my dark thoughts about my mother,

my deepest, most unsettling insecurities

about failing her in life and in death,

and not knowing what I really want to be

will all completely disappear once I cross that finish line.

-Oh, okay. I hear ya.

But do you think that maybe you're externalizing

your feelings by finding physical things to do

instead of doing the actual work of grieving

so that you can find closure and move forward?

Maybe?

Yeah? -Mmm? No.

-No? -No.

-That's a no? -That would be a no.

-So that doesn't sound right...?

-I would say that doesn't sound right...

-Not at all. -...at all.

Like, not at all.

-Okay. Great.

-Jay, I'm not doing this for me.

I'm doing this for cancer.

Fuck cancer!

Don't you want to fuck cancer?

-Do you want me to fuck cancer? Will that cure it?

-Actually, this is "Muck Cancer."

"Fuck" was at capacity.

-Do you want me to muck cancer? -Look! It's fun.

-Okay, I just don't understand why we can't just give money

to cancer instead of you doing an obstacle course.

-So boring.

-Who's doing an obstacle course?

-I am. -Why?

-For you.

-Why are you doing an obstacle course for me?

-To raise money for cancer.

-Ah! My kind of cancer?

-Like cancer. All the cancers.

-Well, can't you just give money to all the cancers?

I mean what do you have to do all this mishegas for?

-I don't even know why you care what your mother thinks.

Like, she doesn't even sound like she was that nice.

-Hey! -Hey!

-You don't get it.

-He totally doesn't get it.

-This race is going to be everything.

-Everything.

-He gets it. You don't get it.

-He gets it.

He always gets it.

♪ Sound the alarm ♪

♪ I'm comin', I'm comin' up ♪

♪ We'll have a ball ♪

♪ I'm sweet like a buttercup ♪

♪ You're a Barbie doll ♪

♪ Show them all what I'm made of ♪

♪ Strut down the hall ♪

♪ Won't stop till I get enough ♪

♪ Strut down the hall... ♪

EMMY: Alright, let's do this!

-Do what? What is this, exactly?

-It is an obstacle course for cancer.

Get into it. Put this on your head.

WOMAN: Okay, everybody!

Are you ready to get muddy for... cancer?!

[applause and cheering]

-Did she say "muddy"?

-Fuck yeah! This is gonna be amazing.

-How muddy, exactly? -Yeah, these are my good sweats.

-You said comfortable clothing. I thought we were doing yoga.

-You said we were going for a jog.

-10, 9, 8, 7...

-Very enthusiastic.

CROWD: 5, 4...

-Maybe the wind is too much? -Do we all go at once?

[crowd and announcers cheering wildly]

JUDE: Cole! Go slow, slow, slow!

COLE: No, I'm running!

JUDE: Stay with us! EMMY: Oh, oh, oh!

JUDE: Oh my.... EMMY: Oh, I'm sorry!

I'm sorry, I'm so...

JUDE: What are you-- what are you doing?

♪ Don't stop, turn it up! ♪

RUNNERS: [enthusiastically] Fuck cancer!

EMMY, JUDE & COLE: [tepidly] Fuck cancer.

COLE: And we're doing this... why?

EMMY: For Mom.

COLE: The same mom who never wore

her outside clothes inside?

EMMY: Sounds like you two don't think you can make it

to the top.

Aahhhh!

MAN: Yes, my nerds, you got this!

Go, go, go!

-See?

This is really meaningful, guys!

FERN: Oh, way to go, Jude!

Oh, you're way behind, Emmy!

Come on!

-Oh my God, did you guys know that Mom was engaged before Dad

to a guy named Wolf whose family had a chateau?

-Oh, I love that for her.

-What is a chateau?

-I don't know, but we should get one.

-We should totally get a chateau.

-Yeah, Craigslist, yeah?

We would like your finest chateau, please.

-I'm serious. I think he was the love of her life.

-Not Dad?

-And he ended it and she never got over it.

He totally broke her heart,

and that is why she was not capable of love.

-Well, I mean, she loved us. -A lot.

-Very specifically. -Big time.

JUDE: Hey, what happened to this Wolf guy?

-He died. In a plane crash.

COLE: That seems convenient.

-Mom. -Mom.

-Yeah, for sure, Mom.

-Cut a bitch.

[dance music playing on runners' speakers]

-Are we...

-Whoa, hey. -Let's go, guys!

-Wrong way! -[all yelling]

-Fucking guy!

[whistle blows]

MAN: Fuck yes, you're killing it!

Keep going, guys! Five jacks!

Next station, let's go, let's go, let's go!

-Okay, we're gonna pick up the pace, right, guys? C'mon!

We're gonna fuck shit up tonight.

COLE: So... Andrew and I are thinking

of opening up our relationship.

-Okay.

-How does that work exactly? -Well, we're gonna see.

-Alright, let's pick up the pace!

Cancer's not gonna fuck itself, right?

-Jay and I picked a date for the wedding.

-Whoa.

COLE: Okay... And...?

Are we happy or not happy?

-Happy! -Yeah...?

Yeah? Do I get to make a speech?

-No!

-I mean, you guys are happy, right?

You like being married?

-Uh-huh. -Yes.

-That was a very long pause.

Thank you for that.

-Hey, just like marriage, you know,

quitting is not an option! Right?

-Yeah. Uh... divorce.

-Touché.

-I think there's strength in quitting, actually.

-Yeah, I quit all the time.

-You'll thank me later. Just do five jacks!

-Alright, I'm just gonna say it,

I don't think we're gonna cure cancer today.

-No, we are. -No, we're not.

-Yeah, we are. -No, we're not.

-We are. -No, we're not.

-We might. -No, we're not.

-We are. -We can't.

JUDE: Fuck. What? I don't remember that.

-You don't remember that?

I asked her to tell me about the day I was born

and she said she found me on a bench at Canada's Wonderland.

-No way! -That never happened.

-It did!

She said "My mom told me not to take you.

"But I did anyway. I should've listened to her.""

She turned it into this story about how you should always

listen to your mother.

-It was sweet of her to take you.

-You were just lying there on that bench.

-Shut up. -What? It was nice of her!

-Yeah, she had two amazing sons; she took you in anyway.

-Alright, jerks. -Em?

We're joking.

-Yeah, Mom was too.

-Well, I didn't know that when I was six!

-You weren't the smartest kid.

-Come on, Em, you act like we were raised by the Gulag.

-No, no, no, no. We weren't raised by the Gulag.

I was raised by the Gulag. You two had a very nice mother.

-Okay, you and Mom,

you just knew how to push each other's buttons.

-Okay.

All I am saying is that we had very different mothers.

-I like Mom. -[laughs]

EMMY: Okay, whatever.

I'm happy I had a difficult relationship with her

because it made me who I am.

Strong. Resilient.

-Oh, is that what we're calling this?

Strong and resilient?

-Not what I'm getting. -Yep.

-[laughs]

♪

EMMY: Yeah, no.

-Come on, it was your idea. Let's finish this.

-I'll meet you guys at the bottom.

-No, no, no, no. You're doing it, come on!

-Honestly, why are we even trying to cure cancer now?

What's the point? Mom is dead.

-Sorry for your loss. -We're running for our mom.

Okay, come on, come on, you got this girl, come on.

-Ready? -Yeah.

-Three... -Oh, 3!

COLE & JUDE: ...2, 1!

Go!

♪

-Ready? -Yeah!

Wooo!

[loud splat]

[Cole and Jude laughing]

JUDE: Come on, Em! Do it for Mom.

COLE: Come on Em, do it for cancer.

[Emmy crying]

♪

♪

-[chanting] Em, Em...

BOTH: Em, Em, Em, Em, Em, Em,

Em, Em, Em, Em--

-[screams]

COLE: Get in here!

♪

-[crying]

-Mom-- Mom didn't--

Mom didn't really find you on a bench.

-Yeah, we were at the hospital. There's pictures.

-We were there.

-[crying]

COLE: She's dead, okay?

What do you want from her?

She can't-- she can't say sorry.

-I...

I just keep trying to do things to feel different, but I don't.

I'm just... still me

on a stupid, fucking blow-up slide.

And I can't get married,

and I can't not get married,

but it doesn't matter either way

because whatever I do, Mom is still dead.

I'm sorry I made us do this.

-Stop apologizing.

-I'm sorry. -Stop apologizing.

-I ju-- [sniffs]

I just wanna be okay.

JUDE: You are okay.

-No, I'm not. I'm not okay.

COLE: You are. You're okay, Em.

-I am not okay!

JUDE: Em, you're okay!

-No, I'm not! I'm not okay!

-Okay, yeah.

You're-- you're not okay.

Oh shit, look at that.

JUDE: Oh, yep.

Em, you're not okay... because you're being...

-No! No! -...sucked into the mud!

-[screaming]

JUDE: Oh, that's not okay!

-You're not okay!

[all shouting]

♪

COLE: I'm okay!

EMMY: I'm okay.

I'm...

JUDE: You're not okay! EMMY: I'm okay!

MAN: Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't throw the mud!

There's limited mud! What are you doing?

This is for cancer! Show some respect!

-Sorry.

♪ We are family ♪

♪ We can do it by ourselves ♪

MAN: Aw, way to go, guys!

Way to put the "no" in carcinoma!

WOMAN: Great job, guys! You want a photo?

♪

♪

-Fuck cancer?

-I guess!