Original subtitles

Your usual.

With ghost peppers and extra sriracha.

Hooray! My hot, hot dog.

Milk will put out that fire.

See you again tomorrow.

Give it!

Let go!

Oh, great! Thanks a lot.

Look what you did!

You were the one pulling.

This is your fault.

Well, it's broken now.

I don't want it.

Just leave it.

It's ruined.

Huh? Whoa!

Oh, what on Earth?

Citizens of New York, surrender!

For we have…

All I'm hearing is mumbles.

- I don't hear anything. - I can't hear anything!

What's he saying?

Now, bow before your new overlords, Red Skull and Hydra!

Uh, sorry! Uh, we couldn't hear you down here!

What'd you say your name was?

I am the Red Skull!

Ooh, isn't it obvious?

From the red? And the skull?

My skull, look, it's red. Red Skull!

What? Louder!

We can't hear you!

Quickly, the megaphone.

Ow!

Not for throwing.

For talking, dummkopf.

Ah! Never mind!

Attack!

I am Red Skull! And this city is now mine.

Your newspapers are mine.

Your phones are mine.

Your hot dogs are mine!

You put ghost peppers on this.

What is wrong with you people?

Water!

Water!

Ooh, boss. Water will just make it worse.

Milk then!

Someone blew up the milk truck.

Attack again!

Ah, the sweet sound of victory.

Huh? What is that?

Oof! Ooh.

Again with the Hydra?

Uh, Tony, can we liven it up?

F.R.I.D.A.Y., drop a beat.

♪ You can't touch this ♪

Yes!

This is Mjolnir's favorite song.

♪ You can't touch this ♪

♪ You can't touch this ♪

I don't think so, Hydra.

♪ My, my, my, my music hits me so hard Makes me say, "Oh, my Lord ♪

♪ Thank you for blessing me" ♪

Nice shield, Cap.

You too, Cap.

♪ Stop, Hammer time! ♪

♪ "Go with the flow", it is said ♪

♪ If you can't groove to this Then you probably are dead ♪

You go low. I'll go high.

I used to do all the moves to this song.

- Wait, wait, wait. You dance? - But of course.

Who do you think created the Electric Slide?

♪ You can't touch this ♪

Less dance. More smash!

Oh, these Avengers!

Always assembling here, assembling there.

Assemble, assemble, assemble.

Oh, no, you don't.

I'm here, Natasha!

Dad?

Don't worry, Natasha.

What are you doing here?

You haven't called me.

I figured you need me to protect you.

So, Red Guardian is here.

I don't need your help!

Wait! Wait for your papa!

♪ The itsy-bitsy spider Crawled up the waterspout ♪

You are the spider! Crawling!

Only it's not a waterspout!

Get it?

He's dad-splaining his own dad joke.

You think you can defeat me?

I think I already did.

- Found you, little Tasha. - Please don't call me that, Dad.

Dad? You used to call me Papa.

Now you call me Dad?

It is a strange word.

Dad.

Listen to me say it.

Dad.

Can we not do this right now?

Auf Wiedersehen, fools.

Dad.

They may have taken this day, but in the end,

I will gain the upper ha...

Red Skull gave us the slip, but I had him.

- Until... - Mmm.

Some fun, yes?

You climbing and fighting. Me chasing.

Just like the old days.

Remember the song we used to sing at bath time?

♪ Tisha, Tasha Time for a washa ♪

♪ Splisha and splasha In the batha ♪

- Dad! - Why so unhappy?

So Red Skull ran away.

We'll get him next time.

They should call him Red Skulk.

Because he is so good at skulking away.

Ah, little Tasha loves my corny jokes.

Oh, knocking down all these Hydra goons has given me a need.

A need for knocking some pins down!

Bowling night!

Bowling?

I love bowling!

Dad, no.

It's an Avengers bowling night. You're not an Avenger.

These are my friends. Not yours.

Under no circumstances whatsoever in a million years

are you coming bowling with us.

- You did it! - Got 'em all.

- There you go! - Finally, I've got some competition.

Thor, buddy! Always fashionably late.

Uh-oh.

I overdressed.

Better change.

No.

No.

Nice.

Wow. Natasha, this place has everything.

We know who's going to win.

Natasha always crushes us.

Six times in a row.

But maybe tonight we crown a new champ.

Aw, it's so sweet when you guys are delusional.

Yeah, right.

Come on, Rollnir. We can do this.

Yes!

Yeah, Thor! All right.

Man, I am good.

But we knew that already.

Out of the way, Tony.

Come on, Hulk.

Don't throw it this time!

- What? - Huh?

Yes! Strike!

Oh, man. Nat only needs one more pin.

Oh, look at that. I'm up next.

With a chance to win.

Pardon me.

Uh, that ball looks heavy.

I don't want you to get hurt.

Maybe you should try a different one.

Dad.

And focus.

Block out all distractions and focus.

Dad, back up. Please.

Block out distractions!

Oopsie. You see?

The ball was heavy.

But that's okay.

You can try again!

Oh, boy.

Little Natasha, don't be sad. And don't give up.

You'll get it next time.

And your papa can be here to help you.

Right behind you.

Right there with you all the time.

Oh, my baby girl. Always being so...

Dad, stop it! Stop pretending to be an Avenger!

Stop hovering over me all the time and getting in my way!

I-I... I'm sorry.

Let me make it up to you.

Uh, this weekend, you and your papa can both make pancakes together.

Just like when you were little, huh?

I am not a little kid anymore.

Hmm. That anger's gonna eat her up.

I can explain how to build a quantum field Ping-Pong table,

but I can't explain how dads work.

'Cause my pops was both my biggest fan and the biggest pain in my iron butt.

You wanna talk about it?

Your angry death glare says, "Go away."

But you know talking about it will make you feel better.

My angry death glare doesn't work anymore?

Oh, no. It's still a great angry death glare.

Very scary.

We're friends, Nat. You can tell me what's going on.

I shouldn't have yelled at him.

But he keeps telling me what to do, how to do it.

Treating me like a little kid. It just makes me so angry.

It's not always easy to see where they're coming from.

I never understood that about my dad.

At least not until after he was gone.

I didn't mean to blow up at him.

But he has to realize I'm grown-up now.

Maybe you need to tell him that.

Why did you have to grow up?

Things were easier then.

Ah, yes. I could use a hug.

Wait a minute. What is this?

Someone! Anyone!

I can't...

Natasha!

Dad. Dad!

We need to... Dad?

Dad?

Dad!

Sorry, how did we get on the subject of Santa Claus?

Ah, yes. The legend of Kris Kringle.

One of my father's favorite bedtime tales.

Putting tiny little swords and axes under the pillows of all the children of Asgard.

Whoa! Yeah, well, Steve over here still believes in Santa.

I might still hold a candle.

Please tell me you still leave out milk and cookies.

Let me get this straight. We have a Norse god,

a man whose heart powers his armor suit, a giant green man,

but Santa is the reach?

That's the bridge too far?

- Isn't that against the rules? - Nope.

Something happened to my dad.

I-I found his phone on the floor, but there's no sign of him.

Tower security didn't log Red Guardian leaving.

But it did just log someone arriving.

Red Guardian did not leave. He was taken.

T'Challa?

Apologies for my unannounced arrival.

But I fear my most recent investigation

may be connected with Black Widow's father.

I was pursuing the villain known as Red Ghost.

Here to stop me, Black Panther?

Another game of cat and mouse, is it?

Except this time, there is no mouse.

There is only I, the Red Ghost.

Drop the vibranium.

I have better idea. Hear me out.

You run for your life.

Oh. You were so close.

But no one gets the drop on the Red Ghost.

By the time he gets downstairs, I will be long gone.

What?

Are you serious?

Huh?

No one gets the drop on...

Red Ghost could not have escaped

under such mysterious circumstances.

And he would not have left the vibranium behind. Not willingly.

And you didn't see who got him?

No. But whoever or whatever took him left behind this.

The material is technologically beyond anything that we have seen on Earth.

Red Ghost disappeared, so did Red Guardian.

And no one's seen any sign of Red Skull.

Weird coincidence.

I have discovered a peculiar commonality

beyond the three missing individuals.

- Observe. - Whoa!

Omega Red, Red Raven,

Red 9, Red Stone, Red Shift,

Red King?

So, what's the connection?

Hulk, they all have the word "red" in their names.

And they're all marked missing.

Not all of them.

Red She-Hulk?

The only superpowered individual with "red" in their name

who has not vanished.

Um… I might know where to find her.

Good. She might be our only lead to finding my dad.

Can you get out?

No!

What is this? Where are we?

Ah, good. You're awake.

Red Ghost, Red Guardian, Red Skull.

It's nice to finally meet you in person.

And you've met my robots already.

Huh?

Broken?

Broken?

Bumps you down from near mint to very fine.

Not worth keeping.

Red Guardian.

Not exactly a spring chicken anymore, but I like the look of you.

Oh, thank you.

People think it's about exercise, but, uh…

…it really comes down to calories in, calories out.

Yes, you are in magnificent condition.

Stop!

Old West ghost town. Charming. Didn't know these were still around.

All right, guys. When we get to Red She-Hulk, let me do the talking.

Before today, I did not know there were other Hulks out there.

Are you close to Red She-Hulk?

She's my ex-girlfriend.

Sorry. She's your ex?

No, no, no. It's fine.

Betty and I ended things on good terms.

That good, huh?

Uh, looks like you missed me, Betts.

Maybe next time I won't, Bruce.

What are you doing here?

Well, um, uh...

Well, the thing is... You look great, by the way.

Uh, that... Um, well…

You're starting to make me angry, Bruce.

Spit it out.

Whatever. I'm on demo duty for my dad, so I'm gonna get back to smashing.

I'll go talk to her.

Do you want me to go with you?

- No. - Ah, that's probably a good idea.

Betty, people with the word "red" in their name are disappearing.

Possibly being taken.

What's that got to do with me?

Red She-Hulk?

- Red? - Yeah?

Well, nobody's disappearing me.

My dad is one of the ones missing.

Red Guardian.

He and I got into this big argument, and I blew up at him.

I'm going to find him, but...

Honestly, I'm still a little mad at him.

Look, it's not always easy to talk to your old man.

My dad can be a real hothead.

Always trying to boss me around. Telling me what to do.

No, my dad's different.

He's... He's supportive and positive and always around.

Then what's the problem?

Problem is he treats me like a little girl.

I'm not a kid anymore, and I don't think my dad can accept that.

Listen, you're not perfect. Neither is your dad.

You have to accept that he's human.

So what if he still sees you as a kid?

Why does that bother you so much?

Are these with you?

- No. - Good.

Those would be mine.

Sorry they aren't in the best of shape.

Too scuffed up to be collectibles.

But they can do my dirty work.

What a magnificent hue.

You're the one responsible. Who are you?

And what did you do with my dad?

Oh, I'm just an extraordinary fellow who has it all, and it's still not enough.

I'm the Collector.

As for the other question, Red Guardian is now part

of the most magnificent collection in the known universe.

I want him back. Now.

I love the anger.

That is so mint.

Don't damage the red one, but the rest? Take 'em apart!

All righty then.

I'll crank up the juice and bring the pain.

Ow.

Keep it busy.

I'm gonna try something.

That all you've got?

I've fought grandmas with tougher stuff than you.

Hey, Collector!

Nice look. Very alt-rock.

How do you feel about heavy metal?

Always fashionably late.

I'm gonna smash your ugly face. Then your ugly face!

And then... Yikes, there are a lot of you.

Don't worry, Betts!

I got ya...

Typical.

We need a plan.

Thor, call a lightning strike, aimed at this exact location.

But lightning? Right here?

Won't that vaporize us?

I mean, not me. I'd obviously be fine.

But the rest of you?

Now, Thor!

Nice.

Wait. They're gone?

And so is my only chance at finding my dad.

No sign of the Collector on any of our scanners.

And nothing on the Wakandan channels as well.

Anyone have any ideas?

To find him, we need someone with special skills.

A tracker.

Steve and I worked with him a while back.

Yep. S.H.I.E.L.D. file 268.

He can find anyone.

Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no.

No, not that guy. Anyone but that guy.

He's the best at what he does.

And what he does isn't very nice.

Wolverine.

Guess I'm not gonna get to eat my lunch.

Stay on this heading.

You can track the Collector from this high up, at this distance?

My nose doesn't lie.

Collector might be untraceable, but Red She-Hulk leaves a scent.

I can smell a Hulk from a mile away.

What?

Maybe try smashing a deodorant factory once in a while.

Take us down here. This is it.

Over here.

Do you have a lock on my dad?

Picking up multiple scents.

Red She-Hulk and...

Wait a second...

Red Skull?

The plan is to free everyone from the Collector. Everyone.

You didn't say anything about saving villains.

For all I care, the Collector can keep the Red Ghost and Red Skull and…

Omega Red?

You know him?

Omega Red is the worst.

He just sucks the life out of you.

Just get us to the Collector.

Follow me.

The place is called Mom's Diner. That's just adorable.

It's probably a death trap.

Can't be worse than where you get your hair cut.

Scent ends here.

Spread out.

Look for a hidden door or exit.

Anybody want lemonade?

Collector'll be down there,

in Mom's basement.

Definitely doesn't look like Earth tech.

Hmm. I don't see any way down.

That's convenient. And ominous.

My scanners have picked up a hidden passageway

to a deeper sublevel beneath us.

This way.

I'm coming, Dad.

There better not be any secret door.

I hate secret doors.

Always where you least expe...

Potential new collectibles detected.

Activate, clean, scan and sort functions.

Initializing power wash.

Did that just say power wash?

Whoa.

Wow, this is a really nice blowout.

Whew! Same.

Scanning complete. Identify and sort.

Two armored robots with scratches and surface damage.

- Imperfect. - Imperfect?

Tony!

Identify and sort. Four humans.

Identify and sort.

Two animals.

Excuse me?

This entire room stinks like…

Oh, no.

Is that a…

Wendigo!

Soft.

Like wrestling a big, fluffy pillow.

Uh-oh.

Fluffy pillow's fightin' back.

Hate stupid fluffy pillow!

Okay, bub, you've taken your best shot.

Now, it's my turn.

Wasn't as bad as I remembered.

You did pretty good there.

Aw, thanks, man.

I think I pulled a muscle, but...

More fluffy pillows!

I hate fluffy pillows.

I did not see that coming.

Where's the rest of our team?

- And why did the Collector send us here? - We were scanned.

The computer said we were scratched and damaged.

They thought we were scrap.

They underestimated us.

My scanners cannot find an exit.

No exit? Not a problem.

We're gonna build our way out.

What are these things?

Power-inhibiting manacles.

Uh, they jam our powers.

These must be a newer model.

What? Have you never been captured, thrown in prison

and had your powers taken away before?

- Nope. - Nuh-uh.

Can't say that I have.

Just me? Huh.

It's happened to me more times than I care to...

Really? Like, never?

Well, we found robots, but not our friends.

Friends?

Who cares about them?

Check out my advanced bots.

You may have bested my old ones in the desert,

but these are a bit more sturdy.

Oh, the rare treasures you're about to see.

I don't care about any of this.

I want my dad.

I'll take you to him.

Maybe along the way, you could learn some manners.

This is the magic.

You see, when you get to be as big a deal as I am,

it's all about rare, one-of-a-kind,

never made available to the public before.

Whoa.

Behold, my collection.

The greatest ever, complete, mint-condition,

sealed and climate-controlled acid-free Mylar.

My good stuff is in storage,

but this is the best of what I've acquired here on Earth.

Oh, you are going to be impressed by this.

My mythical creatures of legend!

Are they dead?

Of course not.

Suspended animation.

Hibernation stasis, in absolute mint condition.

You kidnapped Santa Claus?

I knew he was real.

Come on, come on. I have so much more to show you.

Hey, wait. Don't you know who that is?

After completing those, I tried collecting musicians,

but you have no idea how hard it is

to find rock stars in halfway-decent condition.

So, I branched out.

Feast your eyes on my latest and greatest.

My Red Collection!

Dad!

Let go of me!

The first color of the rainbow.

Soon to be followed by others.

Although, it thins out between green and purple.

Not sure why.

Collector, you're completely mad.

I'm super mad at you ungrateful casuals.

You don't appreciate the greatness in my collection.

That's why I've decided to collect you.

Relax.

You'll be in a protective slab.

Frozen in stasis.

Perfect forever.

Sam, can you fly out?

No can do! These inhibitors have everything shut down.

Huh?

You'll be part of my latest collection.

My Avengers Collection.

Dad.

What about Red Guardian? Where are you going to put him?

He's already in my Red Collection.

Then your collection's incomplete.

If Red Guardian's with the Reds,

then your Avengers Collection will always have a hole in it.

What? What are you talking about?

Red Guardian is red.

Red Guardian is an Avenger.

- No, he can't be... - You...

But he just... Fine, whatever.

- I'll just put him in both sets. - Well, you can't do that.

He's either in one collection or the other,

but one of them will never be complete.

No! I have to file him under something!

Do you have any idea how many spreadsheets I have to keep track of all this?

Wait, that's not the machine.

Nobody puts us in the trash.

At worst, we belong in recycling.

Told you they were here.

The nose never lies.

What happened?

I don't wanna talk about it.

I think it's time to collect a little payback.

Strike!

Do your thing, Wolverine.

Where are we?

Okay, you're inside the lair of an alien who... No, you know what?

Someone will explain later. Right now, we just need you to smash.

I can manage that.

Oh, and Santa is real!

Santa's real, everybody.

Dad.

Uh-oh.

And that's how it's done.

You miss me, Betts?

Maybe. Just a little.

Rescuing you feels wrong.

Omega Red?

Forget it.

You're gonna try to convince me this is the right thing to do.

I don't have to. You already know it.

My greatest foe!

I knew you'd come!

Wait till I tell Sabretooth, Deathstrike and Cyber, huh?

They're never going to believe it.

Old Wolvie has a heart after all, am I right?

We should take a picture to commemorate this.

Hey, does anyone have a phone we can borrow

and maybe, like, a selfie stick?

You are so exhausting.

My collection!

My life's work!

They're... They're opening it!

Wish I had time to do an unboxing video,

but I need to stop them before they ruin everything!

There.

Hold on, Dad.

Whoa.

Natasha, you managed to save me?

Dad, I...

What is it?

Dad!

Drop me. I'm too heavy.

No! I can rescue you.

Why... Why won't you trust me?

Of course I trust you.

But I'm your papa. It's my job to protect you.

And I'm scared for you.

I'm scared too.

Papa, I think you liked me better when I was little,

but I'm not a kid anymore.

And I'm scared you don't love me for who I am now.

Natasha, I could never stop loving you.

I know I hover around like a helicopter, but I can't help it.

You're so grown up, and you don't need me anymore.

I don't know how else to spend time with you.

It was so much simpler then.

Remember when you were little?

You and I used to make pancakes together.

We still can.

But, Papa, you need to let go.

You want me to let go?

No! No, no.

You have to let go of the idea that I'm a little girl.

Coming through!

Goodness, you're so strong now.

My Natasha.

Must be something else I can use.

Something that'll...

Oh, this will do.

Is this the right way?

Heads up!

What the...

Get down!

Game on.

Ho ho ho!

Hi-yah!

Did you like the milk and cookies, Santa?

Of course, I did, Steven.

You've always been a good boy.

Now, come along.

Time to kick some butt, North Pole style.

For the elves!

Santa! No!

Ho! Nice try, dragon!

But you've met your match.

If I tamed Rudolph, I can tame you!

Ho ho!

Do you want to finish this together?

Are you sure?

I'm not intruding?

You're not intruding, Papa.

Like I told the Collector, you're an Avenger.

Yeah!

Flip it, flatten it, just like making pancakes!

Oh, you're doing great, Natasha!

You make me proud!

Get away from there!

Let him go!

That machine is more important than life itself.

All it does is lock people up.

No! It protects them!

Can't you see?

If we don't keep things in mint condition, they change.

But locked in a bubble, they won't change!

They stay perfect!

Stay perfect?

So what if it changes?

Still perfect.

No, no, no!

My stuff!

I hate this place!

I hate this planet!

I hate everything!

Computer, we're leaving!

I have to get out of here!

Huh?

Am I dizzy, or is the room moving?

Worse than that. It's rising. We need to get out of here.

Panther and I have it.

Hit the eject... Now!

Path is clear!

Everybody, out!

Whoa! You can't touch this.

All the bad guys secured.

You did the right thing by saving them.

And you made a new friend.

Yoo-hoo! Wolvie!

Yeah.

Actually, this was, uh, Jarvis's recipe.

More, please.

Whoa, you got chocolate chips in this?

- They're amazing. - What is your recipe?

These are the best pancakes we've ever made, Dad.

Have some more! There is plenty for all.

It's mine! I don't wanna share!

No. I'm not done with it yet.

You're the worst!

No, you're the worst!

Santa!

It's Santa Cl...

Fighting over toys will get you on the naughty list!

Ho ho ho!