Original subtitles

Find a routine to approach women.

Find a routine to approach women.

We're going to find a routine so we can approach women

and I can get a girlfriend.

Why do you want to get a girlfriend?

You know what I mean?

I need a girlfriend.

You know I need a girlfriend.

Girls, girls, girls.

Who cares about girls?

I care about girls.

Come on.

You should care about girls too.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Okay.

So, okay.

So if we see a girl walking in the park and we're like,

I'm going to say, oh hello ma 'am, how are you?

And then you'll say, nice ass.

Don't say that.

Why do you say that?

Because that's rude.

You don't say that.

Who says you?

God, am I doing this right?

This just feels weird.

Enemies.

Okay, let's try again.

Don't ruin it.

I'm not going to ruin it.

Don't.

Hi miss.

You look really pretty today.

Yeah, this is my friend here.

He's a little shy.

I'm not going to say anything.

Why are you kind of ruined it before?

He wanted to give you a compliment on your eyes.

Say so.

Suck my cock.

Why would you say that?

Jesus Christ.

Ma 'am, I'm sorry.

God.

God.

This isn't going to work out ever.

Do you think it's kind of weird you're using me to pick

up chicks?

I know you're a puppet, but I deserve, you know, to

have a girlfriend also.

Yeah, but you're using me to pick up girls.

Why?

You know why?

Because I'm shy.

I don't know how to talk to girls.

Ah, come on.

You used to be someone.

You used to talk to everyone.

And then you got all weird and like didn't want to talk

to anybody.

It's hard talking to girls.

I get embarrassed.

As you get older, nobody wants an older guy.

Yeah, but you're using a puppet.

Come on, a puppet.

Look, you can practice this all you want.

Until you actually have a live woman next to you, it's

never going to work.

You understand that, right?

Yeah, I do.

Yeah.

Hey, what?

Isn't that your niece?

You know, she's not really my niece.

What?

Yeah.

See, I've been friends with her dad for so long.

They just call me Uncle Tommy now.

Yeah, yeah.

Now what?

Okay, I got an idea.

I got an idea.

Uncle Tommy.

Hey.

What the fuck are you doing?

We're, um, I'm practicing.

I'm practicing.

This is, uh, this is Timmy.

Hi, honey.

How you doing?

How you doing?

Take a seat.

Take a seat.

How are you?

Good.

Uncle Tommy, what is this?

Oh, um, I gotta tell her.

Okay.

All right.

Here's the situation.

I'm 42 now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I haven't really been getting, uh, the leads.

So I searched something online and I got a book and I

got a puppet and I've been practicing because I think

puppets could help me pick up women.

So I've been...

Uncle Tommy.

Yes?

That's what puppies are for.

And kittens.

Not dolls.

That's what creepy people do.

Okay.

Um, Timmy.

See, puppies and kittens you gotta pay for and you

gotta feed them and walk them and everything.

A puppy you just use and then you put it back in the box

or wherever you want to put them and then

everything's fine.

That kinda makes sense.

See how much he's...

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You know what?

You can sit a little closer.

Yeah, let me move that for you.

Yeah.

Here.

Here.

I mean, do you think it'll work?

Um, well, that's the thing that me and Timmy have just

been talking about, right, Timmy?

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, no.

I'm vegan.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Uh, see, here's the thing.

I've been telling your uncle that unless he gets a

real girl sitting next to him, ain't never gonna happen.

Ain't never gonna happen.

You're a good -looking guy, okay?

I mean, if you weren't my uncle, I mean, I'd probably

smash you, but...

You gotta tell him.

You gotta tell him.

You gotta tell him.

Just shut up.

Don't ruin this for me.

You gotta tell him you're a fucking idiot.

You gotta tell him.

If you don't tell him, I'm gonna...

I mean, if you want me to teach you how to fuck with

girls, you...

I have a confession.

Go ahead.

But, uh, Timmy would like to tell you.

Oh.

Uncle Tommy can't tell me?

It's better if it comes from him.

It's not weird, but I'm all ears.

Thank you.

Okay, here's the situation.

You're on the bench in a park alone.

And then here comes...

Hi.

How are you?

You're so pretty.

Did anyone tell you you're pretty today?

I run.

No, no, no.

I told you this was wrong.

No, no, no.

I told you this was wrong.

No, no, no.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Okay, maybe I'm a little harsh, you know?

It just takes some...

I think you are.

Getting used to, you know, with your little hands and

you have no teeth and...

I'm gonna ask her.

Don't ask her.

I'm gonna ask her.

Have you ever had...puppet date?

Oh, yeah!

Oh, don't!

No, no, no.

No!

No!

See?

That's what I was talking about.

I know how to talk to women.

And I thought using a puppet would be a great idea, but

it only turned out to be a mistake.

I mean, you've been around a lot, and I mean, you're

not bad looking.

And if you're not my uncle, you know...

Stop staring at her tits.

Look, just put down the doll.

Look, you don't understand.

Me and this doll have a bond.

If you just give it like a minute of action, he'll be

totally ill.

I'll put him away and I'll be fine.

See?

Look.

Uncle To...

Please.

Wait, okay.

You're not my uncle.

Just give me one minute.

Should I still call you uncle?

If that's what you want to.

Okay, uncle To...

Okay, moving a little fast.

The doll's not helping.

It's going to be way hotter if you just put him away.

Just a minute.

Just a minute.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

You know what?

You're crazy.

This is crazy.

We're doing this.

We're just going to go with crazy.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Okay.

Ready?

All right.

There's the first.

Okay.

Have at it.

First for everything.

That was very romantic.

Have at it.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

She's touching it.

I can feel it.

She's talking really good.

I'm not going to ask her to bite it.

Ask her to bite it.

He has a request.

Can you...

You asked for it.

I did ask her.

Just tell me what you want me to do.

Okay.

All the way down.

All the way down.

How is it?

It's really good.

Is it?

It sounds good.

It's great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's it.

Yeah.

Let me see.

Let me see.

Let me see.

Can you draw it?

Can you draw it?

Look at that.

What a mess.

What a messy girl.

You're a messy girl.

You're getting messy too.

You're a messy girl.

I'm going to get messy.

I don't care if I get messy.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

I really, really love doing this, but I can't look up

at that.

It's a lady boner.

No.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Wait.

Wait.

You know what?

I'll pull it away.

I'll pull it away.

Okay.

I don't want to lose.

Okay.

Thank you.

I really appreciate this.

Let's not lose the momentum.

Okay.

Sorry.

Okay.

Adults.

Adults stuff.

This is nice.

Thank you.

This is nice.

Thank you.

Oh, fuck.

Yes.

Draw a little bit.

Hold my hair.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, man.

Just grab the fucking bit.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, fucking spit.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Get these off.

Can we smack it?

Can we smack it?

You want to smack it?

You want to smack it?

No.

No.

No.

Smack it.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Is that water?

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh, can I see your tits?

Oh, yeah.

Can you see those?

Oh.

Oh, God damn it.

Oh, yeah.

I'm going to use that foot.

Step on my foot.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, fuck.

Oh.

Open up.

Open.

Balls and all.

Watch your fingers.

Suck it in.

Oh, yes.

Suck it.

Suck it.

Suck it.

Keep them all in.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Get that fucking face messy.

Oh, yes.

I don't know if she wants you to bite her.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, fuck.

Yes.

Hold those balls.

Hold those balls.

Hold them.

Hold those fucking balls.

Oh, fuck.

Uncle Tammy.

You're so freaky.

You're freaky.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Question.

Why do you still have shorts on?

Because you didn't take them off.

Oh, that's right.

See, I'm learning.

I'm learning.

Oh, my God.

Oh, these are great shorts.

We're going to have to teach you how to get those off a

little smoother.

Try it.

A little gentle.

Move.

Ah.

Move.

Ah.

I mean...

Take a seat.

Rest.

Relax.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no.

Oh, let me get it on there.

Oh.

Yes.

Yes.

That's it.

That's the killer combo.

Oh, my God.

She turned my fucking pussy.

Jesus Christ.

Show me.

Show me.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, go tell me you're fucking crazy.

I love it.

Ah.

Yes.

Yes.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

Holy shit.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh, don't tease me.

Don't fucking tease me.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ah.

Oh.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Ah.

Fucking break my pussy.

Break my fucking pussy.

Yeah.

Ah.

Yes.

Oh.

Jesus Christ.

Excuse me.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, look at that.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

Oh!

Oh, my fucking God.

Oh!

Oh, yes.

Oh, oh, oh.

Get back in there.

Oh, oh.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Oh.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, oh, oh.

This is good.

You can play with puppets.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, nice.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Oh, keep going.

Oh, keep going.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh.

Oh.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, drink out.

Yes, fill it up with spit.

Yes, fill it up with spit.

Oh.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Look it up.

Like a bowl.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, wow.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Oh.

Slap it, slap it, slap it.

Slap it, slap it, slap it.

Slap it, slap it, slap it.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Okay, bro, we don't have to fucking talk.

We don't have to fucking talk.

I was fucking here.

Yes.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my fucking step.

God damn it.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck, yes.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Turn that out.

Turn that out.

Get that leg down.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Can I rub your asshole?

Yes, please.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Get back in there.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Bye.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yes.

Are you fucking me?

Don't touch me.

Oh, shit.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yes.

Oh, your hair's so nice.

Oh my goodness, I just...

Oh, yes!

I'm just gonna start to hit you with it.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Turn that around.

Right there, right there.

Oh goodness.

Oh, oh my God.

Ah, ah, ah, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Ah.

Ow, oh yeah.

Oh yes, yes, yes, yes.

Ah, fuck!

Ah, fuck!

Ah.

Oh, my god.

Pull those fucking...

Pull those fucking stretchers, fucking...

Stretchers, stretchers, stretchers.

Fucking...

Pull them towards your fucking stomach.

Oh, my god.

Pull them away.

Yes!

Yes!

Oh, my god.

Fuck!

Yes, yes.

Oh, my god.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Let me stand up.

Hold those balls.

Hold those fucking balls.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on to those balls.

Where are you going?

I'm coming.

Fucking crap.

Fucking crap.

Hold on to that cup.

Hold on, hold on, yes, yes.

Oh!

No, no, no, no!

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Where's that foot?

Oh, yes, yeah.

What are you gonna do?

What do you wanna do?

Do it, do it, do it, do it.

What am I doing?

Come here, put it in.

Ah, yeah, okay.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You put your feet in my mouth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, shit.

Oh, oh, oh!

I want yours.

I want yours.

Oh, my God!

Fuck!

Oh!

You get a beard so ticklish.

Oh, oh!

Holy.

Let me just...

Oh.

Oh, spit on it.

Spit on it.

There.

No, spit.

Here, take mine.

Take mine.

More, more, more, more.

Give me, give me, give me.

Okay, okay.

Oh, oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, who's the puppet now?

Who's the puppet now?

If you make me laugh, they'll come out.

Okay.

Don't make me laugh.

Oh.

Oh, yes!

Look at that!

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, fuck, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

That's okay.

It's okay.

You can drop it off, good.

Please, go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, yes, yes.

Sit on my tongue.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you're a little ticklish.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

You can.

Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

Yeah.

I can.

Yeah.

You can hear me?

Yeah.

OK.

OK.

You can hear me?

I can hear you.

Oh, I don't like that.

Mmm.

There you go.

Oh!

Mmm.

Yes.

Mmm.

Yes.

Mmm.

Mmm.

I'm going to take a ball out of my face.

Mmm.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Close those eyes.

Close those eyes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Ready?

Get it to me.

Oh, it's so hot!

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck.

It's so warm.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

Crazy nice and sensitive.

Fuck, yeah.

Yeah.

Yes, it is.

Oh.

Oh.

Fuck.

Wow.

Wow.

Yeah.

Puppets, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Puppets.

Yeah, good, yeah.

Really, that's all you can think about right now?

No, no.

Oh, Tommy, really?

Amazing.

We just fucked.

Yeah.

And you're thinking about puppets?

You know, I thank you.

Do you want to go eat?

I will treat you.

Without your puppet.

Okay.

I'm going to get cleaned up.

Okay.

Get rid of your thing and I'm just going to go shower.