Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND NICKELODEON

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

[CRASH!]

WA...HA HA HA HA HA!...

[COWS MOO]

HI, COW!

GIR, GET IN HERE!

BYE, COW.

NO PLAYING WITH THE DIRTY COW MONSTERS, GIR.

THIS IS SERIOUS WORK WE DO.

OOH!

WE'LL SWITCH.

YOU MAN THE TRACTOR BEAM.

I'LL PUMP THE COWS FULL OF HUMAN SEWAGE.

COWS ARE MY FRIENDS.

I DON'T LIKE YOU.

THE CONTROLS, GIR.

YOOOO!

ONCE I TAINT THE HUMANS' MEAT SUPPLY WITH FILTH,

THEY WILL BE RIPE FOR CONQUEST.

SOON THE NAME OF INVADER ZIM

WILL BE SYNONYMOUS WITH DOOKY!

GIR, BRING ME COW.

YES, SIR.

I LIKE DOOKY.

SOMETIMES I'M AFRAID TO FIND OUT

WHAT'S GOING ON IN THAT INSANE HEAD OF YOURS.

♪ DANCE WITH US, GIR! ♪

♪ DANCE WITH US INTO OBLIVION ♪

MOO!

GIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

[GIR SCREAMS] WEENIES! WEENIES! DANCING WEENIES!

STOP! YOU'LL BLOW OUR INGENIOUS COVER!

[WHISPERS A SONG AND LAUGHS]

IT'S TIME WE DID SOMETHING ABOUT

YOUR BEHAVIORAL GLITCHES, GIR.

BOOP BOOP BEE BOOOP...

WAFFLES!

I'M GOING TO ATTEMPT TO LOCK YOU INTO DUTY MODE

WITH THIS BEHAVIORAL MODULATOR.

WHAT? DOOTY.

I WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER LARGE, ALIEN!

GIR! ATTACK!

YES, SIR!

[GIGGLING]

NO MORE DISTRACTIONS, GIR.

ATTACK THE HUMAN!

THIS TIME ON A DANGEROUSLY HIGH SETTING.

YES, SIR!

DOODEE! DOODEE! DOODEE!...DOO!

ATTACK!

YES, SIR!

[SAYING "DOODEE..." IN A MORE SERIOUS TONE]

SIR, TARGET IS A HOLOGRAM,

AND THEREFORE, NOT A THREAT TO OUR MISSION.

AND WHAT IS OUR MISSION, GIR?

BLEND IN WITH THE INDIGENOUS LIFE,

ANALYZE THEIR WEAKNESSES,

PREPARE THE PLANET FOR THE COMING BADNESS. YAY.

YES...YES...YES!

WITH YOU FULLY FUNCTIONAL AND BY MY SIDE,

WE SHALL RULE THIS WORLD SOONER THAN WITHOUT YOU

BY MY SIDE...

NOT BEING FUNNY--

AW, LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.

YOU ARE NOW THE EVIL HENCHMAN

I SO RIGHTLY DESERVED ALL ALONG, GIR.

AN ASSISTANT WORTHY OF ME.

I AM ZIM!

NOW, WITH YOUR AMAZING NEW PROGRAMMING

[SIREN] INVESTIGATE THAT SOUND.

SIR, IT IS MERELY A POLICE SIREN.

DO AS I SAY!

YES, SIR!

OPENING DOOR! RUNNING! RUNNING!!

[CRASH!]

GIR! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

THIS ISN'T INFORMATION RETRIEVAL!

ARE YOU INSANE?!

[POLICEMAN MOANING]

I HAVE CAPTURED THE ENEMY FOR MEAT TESTING.

PRAISE ME! PRAISE ME!

AH! OW, MY BONE'S JAMMED UP INTO MY NECK.

OH. HUH?

ALIENS?

GREAT. NOW I HAVE TO WIPE HIS BRAIN

TO MAKE HIM FORGET ALL HE'S SEEN.

THIS MEMORY TRANSPLANT WILL TAKE HOURS.

I PLAN TO SPEND THIS AFTERNOON

EXPERIMENTING ON THE HAPPINESS CENTERS

OF THAT EARTH CHILD'S BRAIN.

I'M SO HAPPY. ALL THE TIME! IT'S GREAT!

HAH!

PLEASE, I HAVE A HOUSE AND CHILDREN AND PETS

AND A TOILET--TOILET... CHILDREN.

MAKE SILENCE NOW, HUMAN.

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,

YOU MUST KNOW THE S.I.R. UNIT CODE

ENABLES FREE WILL IN THE EVENT

THE THE MISSION IS THREATENED.

THIS POLICE HUMAN WAS A THREAT.

YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT I ALREADY KNOW?

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

OF COURSE, I...

YOUR LEGS ARE STUPID!

GO UPSTAIRS AND...UM... MONITOR EARTH BROADCASTS

UNTIL I THINK OF SOMETHING BETTER FOR YOU TO DO.

THAT'S A GOOD, GIR.

GIR.

RIGHT AWAY...

...S-SIR.

OBSERVING. OBSERVING. OBSERVING.

DO YOU SUFFER FROM INTESTINAL ITCHING?

I DO.

TELEVISION IS STUPID.

THE MASTER IS NOT UTILIZING ME PROPERLY.

I MUST SHOW MY "MASTER" HOW INFORMATION COLLECTING IS DONE.

AN INFORMATION CENTER.

EXCELLENT.

RETINAL SCAN.

REJECTED!

I'M SORRY. YOU HAVE TWO DISCS OVERDUE.

WE'LL HAVE TO CONFISCATE YOUR RETINAS.

[GIGGLES]

I REQUIRE ACCESS TO ALL HUMAN KNOWLEDGE!

HMM. HMM...

THAT WOULD BE UNDER REFERENCE.

NOT ACCEPTABLE, LIBRARY DRONE!

MY TENTACLES! WHERE ARE MY TENTACLES?!

DON'T WORRY, OFFICER.

YOU ARE IN A FILTHY EARTH BRAIN HOSPITAL.

YOUR FEELINGS ARE NORMAL.

THERE'S A SQUID BRAIN IN YOUR HEAD.

Dispatcher: CALLING UNIT 12, UNIT 12.

UH!

AAAHH!

SOMETHING'S WRONG. MY INK.

WHY CAN'T I SHOOT INK ANYMORE?

WHAT KIND OF SQUID CAN'T SHOOT INK?

GAHHHH! SQUID!

Dispatcher: SITUATION AT THE PUBLIC LIBRARY.

FLYING METAL CHILD DRAINING THE BRAINS OF CITIZENS.

RESPOND IMMEDIATELY.

OH, IT'S GIR.

I'VE GOTTA STOP HIM BEFORE HE RUINS EVERYTHING.

THAT HORRIBLE ROBOT!

PLEASE! JUST TAKE ME BACK TO THE SEA!

[SIREN]

AHH!

RELAX, HUMANS! THE POLICE ARE...

EW!

THE KNOWLEDGE.

IT FILLS ME.

IT IS NEAT.

GIR! YOU'VE DRAINED ENOUGH HUMANS TODAY.

DATA CANISTER IS NOT YET FULL.

I COMMAND YOU TO GET OUT OF HERE

BEFORE WE'RE NOTICED...

SOME MORE.

HEY! QUIT IT!

YOU ARE NO COMMANDER.

YOU ARE A THREAT TO THE MISSION.

YOUR METHODS ARE STUPID.

YOUR PROGRESS HAS BEEN STUPID.

YOUR INTELLIGENCE IS STUPID.

FOR THE SAKE OF THE MISSION,

YOU MUST BE TERMINATED.

YOU DARE SPEAK TO YOUR MASTER IN SUCH--

SQUID MAN! ASSIST ME!

ARG! INK... NOT WORKING!

ALL THAT COMES OUT IS...

YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT COMES OUT.

GIR, LISTEN TO ME.

WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.

YOU'RE MALFUNCTIONING!

STUPIDITY IS THE ENEMY. ZIM IS ENEMY.

AAAHHH!

WAIT! DON'T LEAVE ME ON LAND!

AAHH!

GIR! GIR, IS THAT YOU?

AAAHHH!

TARGET FOUND.

ELIMINATING MORON.

CURSE YOU SNACKS!

CURSE YOOOOOU!

Gir: FOR THE GOOD OF THE MISSION.

GIR, YOU WERE MY SERVANT ONCE, REMEMBER?

YES. I DIDN'T LIKE IT.

[SQUIRMING SOUNDS]

HEY! OVER HERE!

VISION IMPAIRED! CAN'T SEE!

MY INK! I DID IT!

HI, FLOOR! MAKE ME A SAMMICH!

THAT'S BETTER! I GUESS.

SAMMICH! HEE HEE HEE!

I WANT TO THANK YOU.

THAT WAS QUITE AN ADVENTURE...

THE CAR WRECK, THE LIBRARY FIGHT,

AND THEN THE GALACTIC SPACE BATTLE THAT HAPPENED

ON THE WAY TO THIS BEACH.

YES, YES, VERY NICE.

NOW INTO THE OCEAN WITH YOU WHERE YOU CAN TELL

NO ONE OF THESE THINGS.

I'M COMING HOME!

G'BYE! G'BYE...

HE'S GETTIN' EATEN BY A SHARK.