Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

AND NICKELODEON

AH-HA HA HA HA!

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

...AND YOU, MARY,

RIGHT WHERE YOUR HEAD IS,

BEFORE THE BIG BANG, THERE WAS NOTHING THERE!

AND OUTSIDE, WHERE THAT SQUIRREL IS,

THERE WAS NOTHING!

AND UNDER YOUR CHAIRS... NOTHING!

AND BY THAT TREE, WHERE THAT DOG IS...

NOTHING.

RRRGGGGHHH!...

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

PHEW!

DON'T FORGET THAT TONIGHT IS PARENT/TEACHER NIGHT.

EVERYONE IS REQUIRED TO BRING THEIR PARENTS TO THE CAFETERIA.

I NEVER AGREED TO ATTEND THIS PARENT/TEACHER NIGHT!

YES, YOU DID.

NO. YOU LIE! YOU LIIIIIIE!

[HUMPH!]

ZIM, ARE YOU GOING TO BRING YOUR PARENTS

TO PARENT/TEACHER NIGHT?

YEAH, SURE, WHATEVER.

WHY WOULD YOU TAPE THAT?

PUTTING UP A LOT OF FIGHT FOR SOMETHING

AS SIMPLE AS PARENT/TEACHER NIGHT, ZIM.

I BET HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT PARENTS ARE.

OF COURSE, I DO.

WELCOME TO LIFE, IRKEN CHILD.

REPORT FOR DUTY.

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] I LOVE YOU, COLD, UNFEELING ROBOT ARM.

[MS. BITTERS GROWLS]

YOU WILL BE HERE TONIGHT, ZIM.

YOU...AND YOUR PARENTS!

YEAH--SEE YOU AND YOUR PARENTS TONIGHT, ZIM.

YES! OH, I WILL BRING MY PARENTS

AND THEY SHALL BE THE GREATEST,

MOST PARENTAL PARENTS EVERRRR!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

WELCOME HOME, SON.

UM--OH, IS THE UH-- LADY OF THE HOUSE IN?

THAT'S ME!

I AM HOUSE LADY. BRUSH YOUR TEETH.

UH--HURUMPH-- I'M SELLING MAKEUP

AND I JUST KNOW YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING GREAT--

I SAID BRUSH YOUR TEETH!

[MAKEUP LADY SHRIEKS]

I'LL SEE YOU AND YOUR PARENTS TONIGHT, ZIM.

BY THE WAY, IT'S NOT CALLED PARENT/TEACHER NIGHT...

IT'S CALLED ZIM DOOM PARENT...

ZIM DOOM ZIMMY DOOM...

NIGHT.

HEH HEH HEH HEH.

WATCH OUT FOR THAT PUPPY.

HUH?

HAH!

AH! AH AH AH!

WAAAHHH!

WAIT! COME BACK!

I NEED STUFF!

WELCOME HOME, SON.

YOU WANT SOME DINNER, SWEETHEART?

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

I ONLY HAVE TWO HOURS BEFORE THIS...

PARENT/TEACHER THING.

THE PARENT DECOYS AREN'T READY FOR THAT KIND OF SERVICE.

THEIR INTERACTIVE SKILLS ARE TOO LIMITED.

UNLESS...

GIR!

YES, SIR.

GIR, WE HAVE TO PROGRAM THE PARENTS

TO LEARN HUMAN SOCIAL BEHAVIOR

IF THEY ARE TO JOIN ME FOR

PARENT/TEACHER NIGHT.

YES, SIR. RIGHT AWAY.

ON TV: FAILURE TO ROTATE STOCK DESTROYS MERCHANDISE...

[VOICES FROM MANY CHANNELS ON TV]

OOH! THIS IS MY FAVORITE SHOW.

WAIT, THIS IS MY FAVORITE SHOW.

LOOK! IT'S MY FAVORITE SHOW.

AHHHH!

MY SPINE!

I LOVE THIS SHOW.

NO, GIR, THE ROBOT PARENTS MUST LEARN PROPER PARENTING

FROM THIS VIDEO PROGRAM.

[GIR SNORES]

MAKE SURE THEY WATCH THE ENTIRE VIDEO, GIR!

THE FATE OF OUR MISSION DEPENDS ON IT!

[ON SCREEN] WE SURE ARE PROUD OF OUR LITTLE BOY.

WE SURE ARE.

ARE YOU PLAGUED BY GRASS STAINS?

I LIKE BURRITOS,

BUT THEY SURE DON'T LIKE ME.

WHO DOES YOUR HAIR?

WE RETURN TO OUR MOVIE IN PROGRESS,

POKE...[SCREAM] OF DOOM!

I LOVE THIS SHOW.

ARE YOU READY, DEAR?

YES.

WELL THEN, WE OUGHT TO BE ON OUR WAY.

YES.

WE SURE ARE PROUD OF YOU, SON.

WE SURE ARRRRRE.

Gir: I LOVE THIS SHOW.

HEY, KIDS, YOUR DAD.

I NEVER KNEW HE WAS A FLOATING HEAD.

OH, HE'S NOT.

MY DAD'S JUST REALLY BUSY AND HE COULDN'T BE HERE IN PERSON.

HE'S TRANSMITTING LIVE FROM HIS LAB ACROSS TOWN.

HEY, MY DAD WAS LIKE THAT, TOO.

YOU KNOW, I UNDERSTAND.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU, PROFESSOR!

I'M MR. ELLIOT, HUH, YOUR DAUGHTER GAZ'S TEACHER.

I'M SORRY, BUT I'M VERY BUSY RIGHT NOW.

WE'RE TESTING SOME HIGHLY UNSTABLE...

[GLASS BREAKS]

HAH! NO! YOU HAVE THE MIXTURE ALL WRONG!

[BOOM!]

[SCREAMING AND ALARM GOES OFF]

[CLEARS THROAT]

THESE ARE MY PARENTS. I LOVE THEM WITH ALL MY HEART.

I MUST HAVE PUNCH NOW!

WHEN YOU WERE MY STUDENTS,

I SAID YOU'D AMOUNT TO NOTHING,

AND I WAS RIGHT.

YOU'RE NOTHING!

HELLO, ZIM.

DIB.

DAD, THERE'S SOMEBODY I WANT YOU TO MEET.

THIS IS ZIM. YOU KNOW, THE ALIEN.

AND WHAT COUNTRY IS THE LITTLE GREEN BOY FROM?

YES, YES. THAT'S FASCINATING.

[HEE HEH HEH]

SO, WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

MY MOM WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT ME!

IT'S REALLY EMBARRASSING.

AT LEAST SHE'S NOT SHOWING THE PICTURES.

OOH, AND YOU JUST GOTTA SEE THESE PICTURES.

NOW, HERE'S BILLY CRYING WHEN HE WAS

KICKED OFF THE SOCCER TEAM FOR CRYING TOO MUCH.

HEE HEE HEE.

[BILLY CRIES]

GRASS STAINS SURE ARE TOUGH TO GET OUT OF THOSE SOCCER UNIFORMS.

SPORTS AREN'T EVERYTHING.

I'M SURE YOUR BOY WILL FIND SOMETHING HE'S GOOD AT.

THAT'S TRUE.

HEY!

TRY ONE OF THESE COOKIES.

MY WIFE MADE THEM.

THANKS, TED.

OH, NO.

HONEY, IS IT...?

YEP.

DIARRHEA!

I HAVE JUST THE THING FOR THAT!

WHO DOES YOUR HAIR?

AH! AH AH! OW! MY HEAD!

[SCREAMING]

MOM, I THINK WE SHOULD GO HOME NOW.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOUNG MAN.

YOU GO TO YOUR ROOM!

[GAZ SNICKERS]

HEY, IS YOUR DAD FEELING WELL?

YES, HE'S PERFECTLY FINE.

AAAHHH!

[DIB CHUCKLES]

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

MY DAD LOST HIS ARM IN UH--THE WAR.

THAT WAS MY SQUEEZIN' ARM.

THEY TOOK MY SQUEEZING ARM!

WHY MY SQUEEZING ARM!

AAAAAARRRGH!

[WOMAN SCREAMS] QUIT POKIN' MY MOM'S HEAD!

LOOK, MOM, WE REALLY HAVE TO GO.

PLEASE NOW, PLEASE!

HONEY, YOU'RE UPSET.

YES!, AND I WANT TO GO HOME.

I KNOW WHAT'LL CHEER YOU UP.

LOOK, EVERYONE, LOOK!

[WOMAN CRYING]

CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THIS WOMAN IS SUFFERING

FROM SEVERE POKEY TRAUMA?

MOM, DAD! I THINK I'VE BROKEN MY SPINE!

MY SPINE. AAAAHHH! [BREATHES HEAVILY]

AW, HONEY. I THINK IT'S TIME WE TOOK YOU HOME.

LEMME GUESS...

NOBODY SAW THAT, RIGHT?

HEY, THAT KID'S THROWING PUNCH!

[GROWLS]