Original subtitles

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

ELEANOR:

Be careful, your fingers.

(BAG CLATTERS)

(WOMEN CONVERSING

IN CANTONESE)

(ELEANOR SPEAKING

CANTONESE)

(IN ENGLISH) May I help you?

This is the Calthorpe.

Private hotel.

I'm Mrs. Eleanor Young.

I have a reservation

at the Lancaster Suite.

We spoke on the phone

when I confirmed yesterday.

Sorry, don't seem to have

your reservation.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

-(DOOR OPENS)

-MANAGER: Good evening.

I'm Reginald Ormsby,

hotel manager.

Is there a problem?

I'm Mrs. Eleanor Young.

My family and I would like

to be shown to our suite.

We've had a long flight.

We're fully booked, madam.

You must have made a mistake.

I'm sure

you and your lovely family

can find other accommodation.

May I suggest

you explore Chinatown?

(FELICITY SPEAKING

CANTONESE)

(IN ENGLISH) Please, may I use

your phone to call my husband?

It's the least you can do.

Mmm.

(ELEANOR SPEAKING

CANTONESE)

(ELEANOR SIGHS)

(IN ENGLISH) Mrs. Young,

I must ask you to leave

or I'll have to call

the police.

Please, go right ahead.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Lord Calthorpe, my apologies

for the disturbance.

Eleanor! I just got off

the phone with your husband.

Get the Lancaster Suite ready.

Now.

Surely you're joking, sir.

I assure you, I'm not.

As of this evening,

my family's long history

as custodians

of the Calthorpe is ended.

I'm selling the hotel

to my dear friends,

the Young family of Singapore.

(MONEY PLAYING IN MANDARIN)

Meet the new lady

of the house,

Eleanor Young.

Join me for a toast.

ELEANOR: We'd be delighted.

Do get a mop. The floor's wet.

Get a mop.

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

I'm all in.

CURTIS: Fold.

Oh... (SCOFFS)

-(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)

-Nothing?

-(LAUGHS)

-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

This whole time

you had nothing?

RACHEL: All right, so

how did I beat T.A. Curtis

so very, very badly?

Well, I know for a fact

that Curtis is cheap.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

So he's not playing

using logic or math,

but using his psychology.

Our brains so hate the idea

of losing something

that's valuable to us

that we abandon

all rational thought,

and we make some really

poor decisions.

So, Curtis wasn't playing

to win.

He was playing not to lose.

Here.

Put it towards a haircut.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

All right,

that's it for today.

Don't forget your essays

on conditional probability

are due next week.

(MONEY CONTINUES

PLAYING IN ENGLISH)

Yes! (EXHALES) Mmm-hmm.

You know what?

You can order your own.

Mmm. I'm okay with coffee.

Thanks.

Yeah, well,

you always say that,

and then you end up eating

all my dessert.

I don't know

what you're talking about.

'Cause I have, like,

a tiny bit.

RACHEL: Uh-huh. Okay.

Can we have one more

of these, please? Thank you.

So what about us

taking an adventure east?

You wanna get pork buns

in the East Village.

That's what it is, isn't it?

(BOTH LAUGH)

I was actually thinking

of further east.

-Like Queens?

-(BOTH LAUGH)

Like Singapore.

For spring break.

Colin's wedding.

We've been dating

for over a year now,

and I think it's about time

people met

my beautiful girlfriend.

Come on, I'm Colin's best man.

Don't you wanna see

where I grew up?

Meet my family, my Ah Ma?

And meet up with that strange

college roommate of yours.

Peik Lin.

-Mmm-hmm. Peik Lin.

-She has been begging me

to come visit her, you know.

The universe has spoken.

It wants you over there.

Come to Singapore.

I want the whole island to

meet the brilliant Rachel Chu.

RACHEL: Aww.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

ELEANOR: "If then you have

been raised with Christ,

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

"seek the things

that are above

"where Christ is seated

-"at the right hand of God.

-(CELL PHONES CHIMING)

"Set your minds

on things that are above,

"not on things

that are on Earth."

JACQUELINE: Eleanor,

is Nicki bringing a girl

to Colin's wedding?

My Amanda heard it

from her friend Francesca.

Eddie says

her name is Rachel Chu.

NADINE: Oh, I thought that

Nick was coming alone.

Did you know

he had a girlfriend?

Nick dates many girls.

It's hard to keep track.

Amanda knows everyone

and she has never heard

of her.

NADINE: Rachel Chu.

Maybe she's from the Taiwan

plastics Chu family.

If you want,

I have a private investigator.

(WHISPERS) Very discreet.

I think we should return

to the word of God.

Alix.

ALIX: Ephesians.

Chapter six, verse four.

"Bring up your children

in the discipline

"and instruction of the Lord."

Oh, I do hope

she's a good Christian girl.

JACQUELINE: Well,

if he's bringing her home,

it must be serious.

Exactly.

-(CELL PHONE RINGING)

-Oh.

-It's my mum. Do you mind?

-Mmm. Go ahead.

All right.

-Save me some of that.

-Okay.

NICK: Hey, Mum,

everything okay?

ELEANOR: Does something have

to be wrong for me to call?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, usually.

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Very funny.

Are you bringing

the girl you're seeing

to Colin's wedding?

Mmm. We were literally

just talking about that.

How could you know?

Everybody knows.

(SIGHS) Radio One Asia.

Move on to Corinthians.

I'll catch up.

Oh, yes.

We're looking forward

to having you home.

And your room

is all ready for you.

Thanks, Mum.

But Rachel and I will be

staying together.

I see.

Well, I'm having

the house re-done.

And it's not ready for guests.

If Rachel comes, I think

she might be more comfortable

staying somewhere else.

All right, sorry about that.

I saved you a piece.

You did, did you?

A very small piece at that.

Thank you very much.

How's your mom?

Everything okay?

(SIGHS) Couldn't be better.

Hey, Mom, this one's kind of

cute. What do you think?

No, no! You can't wear that

to meet Nick's Ah Ma.

Blue and white

is for Chinese funerals.

Now this, this symbolizes

good fortune and fertility.

Great! I was really going for

that "lucky baby maker" vibe.

Hey! You're the one

who asked for my help

picking out a dress

to meet Nick's family.

It's only 'cause I hardly know

anything about them.

Every time I bring them up,

Nick changes the subject.

Maybe he's embarrassed.

Maybe his parents are poor,

and he has to send them money.

That's what

all good Chinese children do.

-(SCOFFS)

-Oh, you're going to have

a wonderful time.

You've always wanted

to go to Asia.

And who knows, if all

goes well in Singapore,

you might just come back

with a souvenir.

Oh, Mom, stop!

Nick and I haven't

even talked about that.

(KERRY CHUCKLES)

I mean, his parents

can't not like me, right?

What was that look?

I saw that.

Nothing. It's just,

Nick bringing a girl

all the way there

to meet them can mean a lot

to these overseas families.

They're different from us.

How are they different?

They're Chinese, I'm Chinese.

I'm so Chinese,

I'm an economics professor

with lactose intolerance.

Yeah, but you grew up here.

(CONTINUES IN MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH) You're different.

But wearing a lucky color

will make

a good first impression.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Okay, game plan.

Check our bags,

get through security,

and then we could eat

one of the three homemade

Tupperware meals

my mom packed for us.

Good afternoon, Mr. Young,

Miss Chu.

We'll take your bags and get

you checked into first class.

-Great.

-Oh. No, there's a mistake.

We're not first class.

We're economy people.

WOMAN: This way, please.

Just go with it. Come on.

But...

Yeah, they'll be fine.

Just leave them there.

Welcome aboard,

Mr. Young, Miss Chu.

Here's the way

to your private suite.

And some champagne.

(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT

ON PA)

Thank you.

-Thank you very much.

-You're welcome.

After takeoff, would you like

to enjoy the lounge chairs,

or should we convert

your suite into a bedroom?

Uh... We're good. Thank you.

STEWARDESS: Enjoy.

-Nick. We can't afford this.

-Mmm.

These pajamas are fancier

than any of my real clothes.

My family has business

with the airline.

The tickets, they're a perk.

(UNZIPS BAG)

What kind of business?

Real estate, investment,

other things.

Nothing interesting.

"Dim sum."

So your family is, like, rich?

We're comfortable.

That is exactly what

a super-rich person would say.

It's not a big deal,

obviously.

I just think it's kind of

weird that I had no idea.

I mean,

you have a Jamba Juice card.

You use my Netflix password.

You play basketball at that Y

that kind of smells.

I really like that place,

thank you very much.

And yes, my family has money,

but I've always

thought of it as theirs.

Not mine.

I get that.

But I'm going all the way

over there to meet them...

Kind of just wanna know

what I'm getting into.

And, you know,

they're your family.

(SIGHS) Well...

My family is much like

anybody else's.

Mmm-hmm.

There's half of them

that you love and respect,

and then

there's the other half.

Which half am I meeting?

(SCREAMS)

NICK: Well,

there's my cousin Alistair,

based in Taiwan,

works in movies.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

-DIRECTOR: And cut!

-(BELL RINGS)

NICK: He's dating Kitty Pong,

an actress.

-Kitty.

-Alistair.

You like it?

I was feeling very,

very the emotions.

Can you feel it?

Oh, I can feel all of you.

And all of me.

(KITTY MOANS)

(IN MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH) Okay, and what

about your cousin Eddie?

You don't ever talk about him.

Well, Eddie's a big

finance guy in Hong Kong.

A real family man.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

RUSSELL: You know,

if you move,

it will look more natural.

No, this way you get

our optimal angles.

(SIGHS) Then we're done.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Russell, thank you so much.

It's an honor

to be photographed by you.

My pleasure.

People will love it

in the next Hong Kong Vogue.

Thank you, Russell.

Hong Kong Vogue? I knew it.

Your dress is a disaster.

If you wore a Bottega gown,

like I told you to,

we'd be in the American Vogue.

You can wear

that gown to Hell, Eddie.

-(BOY IMITATING CAR)

-Stop! (YELPS)

NICK: Then there's Astrid.

Ah. I remember Astrid.

She's like who I wanna be

when I grow up.

Astrid is awesome.

And she's probably

the only one

I'm actually close with.

And she's really grounded

and down to earth,

once you get to know her.

Not only did she graduate

top of her class at Oxford,

start multiple charities,

and is a fashion icon,

Astrid has the biggest heart

of any of my cousins.

Mummy? See what I made

for bunny?

No, not now.

Hi, I'm Astrid.

What's your name?

GIRL: Vita.

ASTRID: And who's this?

Bun-Bun.

Well, I think Bun-Bun looks

very dashing with his bow.

You have a good eye.

VITA: Thank you.

JEWELER:

Miss Leong, right this way.

It's very nice

to meet you both.

JEWELER: These are all

brand-new from Antwerp.

You're the first person

I've shown them to.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

What are those?

Those?

Those are very special.

Burmese pearl drop earrings.

Set with emeralds, and rare

pigeon blood-red rubies.

They were worn

by Queen Supayalat

at her self-anointed

coronation in 1878.

How much?

Having you wear

one of my pieces

is better publicity

than I can buy.

I'll let them go at cost.

1.2 million.

So if you have

all this family there,

why are we staying in a hotel?

Aren't good Chinese sons

supposed to stay

with their parents?

Well, because A,

I'm not that good a son.

(CHUCKLES)

And B,

I just want you to myself,

just for a bit.

That okay?

Okay.

God, I can't believe this

airport has a butterfly garden

and a movie theater.

JFK is just salmonella

and despair.

ARAMINTA: Nick! Nick!

(ARAMINTA SHOUTING)

(WHOOPING)

Araminta!

(NICK LAUGHING)

-I missed you.

-I missed you, too.

-(GASPS) Rachel.

-RACHEL: Hi.

COLIN: There he is.

It's so nice

to finally meet you.

It's so nice to meet you, too.

-Nicki-Nick!

-It's been too long, brother.

It has been too long.

Welcome back.

You guys didn't have to

pick us up.

Of course we did. We had to.

Of course I had to come

welcome my best man properly.

-Hi, Rachel.

-Hello.

Oh! Lovely to finally

meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Shall we?

Let me help you with this.

Yes.

-These are for you.

-I can grab these.

ARAMINTA: I know

they're a bit over-the-top.

COLIN: Let's get

you guys localized.

ARAMINTA: Are you hungry?

RACHEL: I'm always hungry.

So let's eat

everything we can.

(ASIAN BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING)

ARAMINTA: Welcome to

heaven on earth!

I hope you're hungry.

I am bloody starving.

(IN MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH) Guys! Here! Whoo!

(LAUGHS) Come with me.

NICK: Each of these

hawker stalls

sells pretty much one dish,

and they've been perfecting it

for generations.

You know, this is one of

the only places in the world

where street food vendors

actually earn Michelin stars.

-Hey! How are you?

-Uncle.

Long time no see, my friend.

Here you go.

Thank you very much, sir.

-Look at this. Look at this.

-(GASPS) My favorite.

(SPEAKING MALAY)

RACHEL: Hmm.

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH)

One of those for you.

Yes, thank you.

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

-Looks a little vomity.

-(LAUGHS)

(ASIAN BIG BAND MUSIC

CONTINUES PLAYING)

-Oh, my God!

-Yes?

I told you. Best satay

on the island for sure.

ARAMINTA: So yummy, isn't it?

All right, dig in, guys. Oh.

Before I forget,

I need your help tomorrow.

I need to do

some groomsmen stuff,

and I don't wanna do it alone

with Bernard Tai.

I still cannot believe

that you got

that guy to be your groomsman.

Thank you. Thank you.

I rest my case.

Minty...

Well, it wasn't up to me,

was it? It's not my choice.

Bernard is

the human douche nozzle

who used to steal my tuck shop

money when we were kids.

Until Nicki-Nick beat him up.

-NICK: Well...

-You beat somebody up?

I threw a single punch.

I fell on the floor

and the guy sat on me.

So, wasn't really

much of a fight.

A toast, guys.

To my best man, Nick Young,

who can't fight for nuts,

but will always

have your back.

-A toast to married life.

-To...

-Not yet! Too early.

-Oh, God!

Well, this time

next week, guys!

(ALL WHOOPING)

NICK: We gotta get over your

bachelor party first, matey.

COLIN: Is that necessary, man?

Come on!

Listen, Rachel,

I know we've only just met,

but it's my bachelorette party

this weekend,

and I would love

for you to come.

That'll be amazing.

-Thank you so much!

-Good! Good!

-Am I out of the picture?

-Thanks, man.

Am I totally

out of the picture?

Yes, I've replaced you

with Bernard.

-(LAUGHS)

-Screw that man!

Also, I have to say,

I can't remember the last time

I saw Nick like this.

That's funny, though.

He's just happy to be home.

Oh, yeah,

he's just happy to be home.

With you.

NICK: Your dad

will be the death of you.

COLIN: My dad

will be the death of me.

Oh, cheers to that.

Guys, we have to dig in

'cause this crab

is not gonna eat itself.

What should I try first?

-Try some of this. Thank you.

-Do you want some of this?

-It's really spicy.

-It is really spicy.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(INAUDIBLE)

ARAMINTA: Whoo!

-Nick's in Singapore!

-(NICK CHUCKLES)

NICK: It's good to be home.

-Is Michael here?

-Not yet, ma'am.

Also, your son woke up.

He wants to see you.

All right.

You know what to do. Quickly.

(QUIET CHATTERING)

(READING IN FRENCH)

(DOOR OPENS)

I'm sorry.

Got stuck in a meeting.

ASTRID: It's okay. I get it.

But don't forget,

wedding festivities

start on Wednesday,

so no emergencies next week.

MICHAEL: I know.

Wouldn't dream

of missing a second

with your family

and their friends.

Come on, it won't be all bad.

Nick and his new girlfriend

will be there.

You'll like her.

MICHAEL: Oh, yeah?

Why? 'Cause she's a commoner

like me?

You know

that's not what I meant.

Ooh.

You know, I thought

I caught the maids

trying to shove a pair

of Jimmy Choos behind a dryer.

Yeah, I don't know

why you bother

trying to hide

your shopping from me.

You can buy whatever you want.

I get it.

Besides, everybody knows

you wear the money pants

in this family.

(WHISPERS)

Pants are overrated.

Oh, I got you something, too.

To celebrate

the launch of your startup.

I know you don't like

expensive gifts,

but you're not a captain

in the army anymore.

You're a CEO.

You should look the part.

I...

I love it. Thank you.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(MOANS) What time is it?

Morning.

I'm afraid it's time for me

to do some groomsman duties.

(GROANING) Stay in bed.

You stay here.

I'll get you a breakfast tray.

(RACHEL SIGHS)

You know what?

I should get up, too.

I told Peik Lin I would

meet up with her today.

Ah, a little college reunion.

But don't forget.

Dinner at Ah Ma's tonight.

The whole family's

gonna be there.

-Yes.

-I can't wait to show you off.

Hubba, hubba. (LAUGHS)

How can I resist?

Ooga-ooga.

You put those glasses on

on purpose.

(RACHEL LAUGHING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(GATES BUZZING)

New York in the house!

Yeah! Yeah!

Peik Lin!

-What up, bitch? Yeah!

-(DOGS BARKING)

Oh, my God! You look amazing.

I know. Some things

never change, right?

And this is quite a place.

Astor!

Vanderbilt! Rockefeller!

Naughty, naughty boys.

Stop barking.

-Hey, Rachel!

-Hi!

Singapore is so hot. Come in

and enjoy the aircon. Come on.

Whole family waiting to

meet you. Very excited.

Rachel, welcome, welcome.

Wow! Oh, my gosh!

Your house is amazing,

Mrs. Goh.

(NEENAH SPEAKING HOKKIEN)

(IN ENGLISH)

Call me Auntie. Auntie Neenah.

Sorry. Auntie Neenah.

-(TOYS SQUEAKING)

-NEENAH: Oh, yeah. (LAUGHS)

We were inspired by

the Hall of Mirrors

in Versailles.

(SOFTLY)

And Donald Trump's bathroom.

-Really?

-Yeah.

You like it or not?

Oh, yes.

The gold is very brilliant.

WYE: (IN THICK ACCENT)

Rachel Chu, we are so grateful

for all the help

you have given

my Peik Lin

back in her uni days.

I mean, without you,

she would be a hot mess.

RACHEL: Oh, my God, no.

Actually,

if it wasn't for her,

I'd be a big mess.

She was a huge help

to me in college.

It's nice to meet you,

Mr. Goh.

Nice to meet you, too, Chu.

Ku-ku. Ku-Chu. You. Poo-poo.

(LAUGHING)

(IN NORMAL ACCENT)

No, I'm just kidding.

I don't have an accent.

I'm just messing with you.

No, I studied

in the States, too.

Yeah, Cal State Fullerton.

-I majored in Thought.

-Mmm.

Don't stand

on ceremony, Rachel.

This is simple food, lah.

Ah, cha, cha, cha!

Don't be shy.

-RACHEL: Oh. Thank you.

-You're not a model.

RACHEL: I'm definitely not.

WYE: No, you're not.

Not at all. Far from it.

RACHEL: (CHUCKLING) I know.

Make sure you eat it all.

'Cause I'm watching you.

RACHEL: Okay, thank you.

WYE: Okay, yeah.

-Ah Pa, can we go trampoline?

-...go trampoline?

You haven't finished

your nuggets yet, sweetie.

Okay, there's

a lot of children

starving in America, right?

I mean, take a look at her.

She's American, huh?

Really skinny.

You wanna look like that?

BOTH: No.

Then eat your nuggets!

So, Rachel,

what you do in America?

-(BABY FUSSING)

-Um...

-I'm an economics professor.

-Wow.

Very impressive.

Econ professor, eh?

Wow, you must be very smart.

Good for you.

Let me get this straight.

You both went

to the same school,

yet someone came back

with a degree that's useful.

And the other one came back

as Asian Ellen.

(LAUGHS)

(WHISPERS) Psst, P.T.

Hmm?

Look over here.

-She's a hottie.

-(RACHEL CLEARS THROAT)

This is the kind of girl

you should date.

Smart, beautiful.

Not those like K-Pop skanks

with no brain,

big eyes and small backsides.

She has an amazing backside.

This is Goh standard.

Don't be shy.

Just talk to her.

(WHISPERS) I love you.

Okay. No, just, uh...

Pa, she's here

with her boyfriend.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I don't see no ring

on her finger.

RACHEL: Well,

my boyfriend's actually

from Singapore

and that's why we're here.

We're here to go

to his best friend's wedding,

where he's gonna be

the best man.

-Hmm.

-NEENAH: What's his name?

This is a very small island.

Maybe we know his family.

His name is Nick Young.

Uh...

The Nick you're dating

is Nick Young?

His best friend...

You're invited

to Colin Khoo's wedding, ah?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah. You guys

know them or something?

Hells yeah.

The Khoos, the Youngs...

I mean, who doesn't know

who they are?

They're just

the biggest developers...

-(CAMERA CLICKS)

-...in all of Singapore.

And Malaysia, Thailand,

Brunei, New Mexico.

She gets it.

Colin and Araminta's wedding

is Singapore's

event of the century.

The Youngs are like royalty.

Did you not know?

Does she not know?

NEENAH: Why you never

say before?

Tell, tell,

what are they like?

(CHUCKLES) I don't really know

what they're...

I haven't met them yet.

I'm gonna meet them tonight.

I'm going to

Nick's grandma's house.

(GASPS)

You're going to Nick's

grandma's house wearing this?

Wearing that?

(ALL LAUGHING)

No way. No way.

Yeah, I thought

red was a lucky color, right?

Yeah. If you're an envelope.

Zing! Nailed it!

-(CAMERA CLICKS)

-TWINS: Zing! (GIGGLING)

Rachel, these people

aren't just rich, okay?

They're crazy rich. Look.

There's new money

all over Asia.

We got

the Beijing billionaires,

the Taiwan tycoons...

But the Young family,

they're old-money rich.

They had money when

they left China in the 1800s.

And they went

all the way down here.

Not there... Here.

They came to Singapore

when there was nothing

but jungle and pig farmers.

There was a snake here,

eating an apple.

You know what I mean?

And they built all of this.

Now, they're the landlords

of the most expensive city

in the world. Here you go.

These people are so posh

and snobby, they're snoshy.

Here you go.

(SCOFFS) Yeah,

but Nick's not like that.

PEIK: Even if he isn't,

I guarantee you the family is.

Which is why tonight,

you need to not look

like Sebastian

of The Little Mermaid.

You know, the little crab guy?

(SCOFFS)

-(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

-(CAR HORN HONKING)

PEIK: Look at this guy,

he's sleeping.

-(HONKS HORN)

-Come on,

this isn't

your grandma's road.

God damn it!

Thank you for driving me.

Duh. This is like

my one chance to see

-the Young family mansion.

-Mmm.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

AUTOMATED VOICE:

At the next intersection,

make a U-turn.

Make a U-turn.

Are you sure

you gave me the right address?

The GPS says there's, like,

nothing here.

Like, literally nothing.

PEIK: I don't know

why we're here.

RACHEL: I mean,

I put in the exact address.

-You copied and you pasted it?

-RACHEL: Yeah.

Did you just

copy and paste "jungle"

and just kind of

threw it in there?

-No. This is the address...

-Because I feel like that's...

You actually used the...

Okay! All right.

That's a...

Uh, hi! So we'll just...

(CLICKING BUTTON)

Hello, sir. How are you?

We're here for the party,

and we're...

We come in peace.

Do you know where

the Young family house is?

Nicholas Young?

I'm Rachel Chu.

I'm here to go

to his family dinner.

Uh, Rachel Chu for the list.

If there is a list.

He's on the phone.

He's on the phone.

Is that a gun knife?

It's a knife gun.

Okay, and there's a friend.

Hi! Very nice to...

We can go through?

We're going through? Okay.

-Don't stab the car.

-RACHEL: Okay.

Okay, okay. Thank you, bye!

Oh, my God, it's beautiful.

Beautiful? It's 200 mil

worth of real estate.

It's spectacular.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Damn, Rachel.

He's like the Asian Bachelor.

Thanks, brother.

Hello, gorgeous.

Wow! I think I've just fallen

in love with you

all over again.

(CLEARS THROAT) Rachel!

I missed you, too.

-Yeah?

-What did you get up to?

Psst! Rachel!

Oh, uh, this is my friend,

Peik Lin.

-Hi, there.

-Howdy.

Thank you very much

for bringing Rachel.

Oh, no worries.

Do you wanna stop by

for some dinner?

-Oh, no, I couldn't impose.

-No, it's not a problem.

-I had some dinner plans.

-Seriously, we've got...

Yeah, I'll fucking come

to dinner.

-RACHEL: I missed you.

-Did you?

-RACHEL: Yes.

-How was your day?

RACHEL: It was fun!

I got to meet

Peik Lin's whole family,

her dog.

PEIK: Nope.

You have a cocktail dress

in your trunk?

I'm not an animal, Rachel.

(NICK CHUCKLES)

RACHEL: I thought

this was just a family thing.

My grandmother's invited some

of her friends over tonight.

Her tan huas are blooming.

It's a whole thing.

You ready for this?

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, damn, Nick.

It's a party though. Okay.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

(SINGING)

The good bathrooms

are up the stairs,

and you can

get changed in there.

Okay, good, I'll find it.

Thank you.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

You know,

when you said you grew up

in your grandma's house,

I wasn't expecting this.

Thank you.

Oh, no, no.

Those are for your fingers.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you.

A little bit much, I know.

I mean,

this place is gorgeous.

And like

the rolling green hills.

I mean, there are

armed guards out there.

And a giant tiger.

-(NICK LAUGHS)

-Okay.

That is Mr. Harimau.

Now, my great-grandfather

actually shot him

when he ran into the house.

But Astrid and I, we used to

hide cigarettes in his paws.

Do you wanna head in?

Actually, I wanted to

bring you over

-to my mum first.

-Oh.

Come on.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(SPEAKING CANTONESE)

(IN ENGLISH) Mum.

You need a haircut.

So unkempt.

And you look tired

from your trip.

I'm gonna ask the cook

to make you some herbal soup.

(SPEAKING CANTONESE)

(IN ENGLISH) I'll send it

to the hotel later.

Mum, this is Rachel Chu.

Oh, my gosh! I'm so happy

to meet you, Mrs. Young.

Or Auntie. Right?

(LAUGHS) I'm learning

the lingo.

I'm very glad

to finally meet you, too.

And I'm sorry Nick's father

couldn't be here.

He was called to business

in Shanghai.

I told Rachel when duty calls,

Dad answers.

As it should be.

Nick tells me

you're a professor, too.

What do you teach?

Um, I teach economics.

And she's brilliant.

NYU's youngest faculty member.

(SPEAKING CANTONESE)

ELEANOR: (IN ENGLISH)

So, economics...

Sounds challenging.

Are your parents

academics as well?

No. Well, my dad actually died

before I was born,

and my mom

didn't even go to college.

She actually hardly spoke

any English

when she immigrated

to the United States.

But she worked really hard,

and she studied,

and she earned

her real estate license

while she was waiting tables

to support us.

Now, she likes to say

that she's Flushing's

top real estate broker.

Self-made woman.

She must be so proud of you.

Well, she knows that I'm

passionate about what I do,

and she's always

wanted that for me.

Pursuing one's passion.

How American.

Well, your mother's

very open-minded,

not like here,

where parents are obsessed

with shaping the life

of their children.

-(BELL RINGS)

-(GUESTS APPLAUDING)

That's dinner.

Go ahead.

I'll be out in a minute.

Rachel, it was lovely

meeting you.

Thank you. You, too.

Okay, she hates me.

She takes a little minute

to warm up,

-but we'll get there.

-A minute?

-(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

-(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

-Nicki! Rachel!

-NICK: Astrid.

Hey. Good to see you.

I'm so glad you could make it.

-NICK: Michael.

-Nick.

RACHEL: Astrid. So good

to see a face I know.

This is my husband, Michael.

Nice to meet you.

Heard so much about you.

Nice to meet you, Michael.

Hey, the golden boy's back!

Nick!

And you must be Rachel.

I'm Edison Cheng.

This is my wife.

-Hi. I'm...

-Her name is Fiona.

So I see you've already met

Princess Astrid

and her little

soldier toy-boy, Mikey.

You know, Mikey is a big-shot

tech startup guy.

So if you forget

your password,

he's your man. (LAUGHS)

So you're from the Taiwan

plastic Chus, right?

Can I punch him in the face?

Just once.

Take a number.

I'll be in my usual corner.

Champagne?

ASTRID: Thank you.

So, have you prepped Rachel

to face the wolves?

Rachel is a New Yorker.

She lectures millennials

for a living.

I think she'll manage

our family.

You've been away too long.

EDDIE: Okay, sorry, time out.

So you're not

from a Taiwan Chu family?

Nope.

Hong Kong telecom Chus?

No.

Malaysian packing peanut Chus?

Is that really a thing?

-Yeah, it's everywhere.

-I'm gonna stop you there

because I'm gonna take her

on the rounds.

-We'll be back, though.

-No, wait. Hang on.

China instant noodle Chus.

Rachel,

Chu are you? (LAUGHING)

Ugh. Let's go.

This is Auntie Alix

and Auntie Felicity.

RACHEL: Hi!

It's so nice to meet you.

I've never been

to a tan hua party before.

We love any excuse

to throw a soiree.

Do your parents like

to entertain?

Oh. I'm sorry.

Your mother's single.

Yup.

NICK: Auntie Jacqueline.

One of my parents'

oldest friends.

I actually met Nick's father

at Cambridge.

So, what line of work

is your father in?

Oh, my father died

before I was born.

But he was a factory worker

in China.

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH)

This is Ling Cheh,

my old nanny.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Look, now's the time

we need all hands on deck.

Please, please,

just do me this favor.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

They started

clearing away dinner.

Your favorites.

Thank you. (KISSES)

ASTRID: You know if you need

bodies at the office,

I could always come in

and help out.

The glamorous Astrid Leong

-working as an assistant?

-Mmm-hmm.

Wait, isn't Araminta's

bachelorette party tomorrow?

And this will be the perfect

excuse to get out of it.

Thank you. Really.

But I've got

everything covered.

Okay.

I forgot to get you a fork.

It's okay, you stay.

I'll go get it.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Michael,

I think it's the office.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

(GASPS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Oh, my God! Nick, I can't

believe I just did that.

It's fine. I don't think

anybody even noticed.

I think I freaked out

your nanny... (GASPS)

BOTH: Oh, my God!

RACHEL: So sorry.

NICK: It's fine,

don't worry about it.

Can I have a tissue please?

Go, go. Get changed.

I'll keep Rachel company.

Thank you, Oli.

You're in good hands.

Give me two minutes.

I'll change.

Sorry.

(SIGHS)

Hi, I'm Rachel.

Oh, I know. (CHUCKLES)

PEIK: Rachel! Rachel!

I heard you thought

Ah Ma was the cook!

-(GROANS)

-Ahh!

On the bright side,

you're the talk of the party.

People like your dress.

Oh, I did that.

-Oh.

-I know!

Such a chic '70s goddess.

PEIK: I know.

It's very disco Cleopatra,

but in a good way.

That's exactly

what I was going for.

Oh, well. Oliver.

-Hi.

-I like your shoes.

Oh, thank you.

I'm Peik Lin. Ditto.

-OLIVER: Cheers.

-There you go.

Gosh, these are lovely.

They're clip-ons. Thank you.

Are they? Oh, wow!

So, Oliver,

are you a cousin, too?

Mmm. Well, I'm one of

the poorer relations.

The rainbow sheep

of the family.

But I make myself useful.

Whatever the Youngs want,

I procure.

Golden koi fish,

Huanghuali furniture.

A rare Cambodian gong.

Why would they want to buy

a rare Cambodian gong?

Because they can.

Ah Ma insists

all your clothes be washed

and pressed every two weeks.

This one.

Everything is exactly

as I left it.

Looking for your cigars?

I had them thrown out

years ago.

(SIGHS)

Never could get

anything past you, could I?

(CHUCKLES)

I keep telling Ah Ma

to put your things away,

but she says this room

makes her feel

like you're still here.

Well, I got an earful

when you didn't move back

last year.

Your father and I were really

looking forward

to having you home.

He's not getting any younger.

With you onboard,

maybe he'll take a day off

once in a while.

I know, Mum.

I'm just not ready yet.

There's things in New York

that I wanna see through.

Well, I'm happy

I finally met Rachel.

She is very impressive.

I think so, too.

I thought

you might be excited

that the first girl

that I bring home

is a Chinese professor.

Chinese American.

You know, bringing her home,

introducing her

at a large family gathering,

some people may say...

When there's something

to say

about Rachel and me,

you'll be first to hear.

(ELEANOR CHUCKLES)

But some things I need to

figure out on my own.

Is that an American accent

I'm hearing?

How do I look?

Perfect.

-(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

-(ASIAN MUSIC PLAYING)

Everyone! Everyone!

The tan hua plants

very rarely bloom,

and even then only at night.

Their beauty is spectacular

but fleeting.

By dawn, they'll be gone.

-Come. Come.

-(ALL APPLAUDING)

Oh, someone forgot

to wear a bra.

Kitty Pong. Cousin Alistair's

latest flame. An actress.

Rumor is, she was in a porno.

Two Girls, One Cup of Noodles.

You know, I thought I would

like that more than I did.

-The book was much better.

-PEIK: Mmm-hmm.

Is it just me

or are people staring at me?

Oh, they're just jealous.

You nabbed the crown prince.

Nicki is Ah Ma's favorite,

in line to inherit everything.

No surprise there

when that's the competition.

-(CAMERA CLICKS)

-(LAUGHING)

Oh, speaking of

the grande dame...

There you are.

I've been looking

all over for you.

You ready to meet

my grandmother?

-(BOTH SPEAKING MANDARIN)

-Ah Ma...

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(LAUGHS)

(NICK CHUCKLES)

ALIX: (IN ENGLISH) Look,

they're in full bloom.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

JACQUELINE: It's so nice

having Nick back home.

But he seems different.

When children are away

from home too long,

they forget who they are.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

What's up? Let's jam!

-(ALL CHEERING)

-(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS)

Rachel!

So happy you're here. Oh!

Oh, my God.

Your Gap look, brilliant.

-Thanks.

-(CHUCKLES)

-She's coming with me.

-Uh, hold on.

Kiss. 36 hours. Bye.

-Minty, one piece please.

-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Not listening at all.

So, I'm gonna intro you

to my posse.

We're flying to

my mom's resort in Sumatra.

She's closed down

the whole place just for us.

We're gonna have so much fun.

Come on, meet the girls.

Girls, this is Rachel Chu.

ALL: Hi!

(ALL CHEERING)

NICK: So you let Bernard Tai

organize all of this?

COLIN: Yeah.

Bernard.

Hey.

This is for you, asshole.

ARAMINTA: Tina! Tini!

The twins are in the house!

I'm so glad you made it!

How are you?

It's easy to make

a killer entrance

when you come

as a matching set.

Hi, we haven't met.

I'm Amanda Ling.

Hi, I'm Rachel Chu.

Oh, you're

Nick Young's friend.

-Yeah.

-Word gets around fast here.

You're a professor

at NYU, right?

Yes. Um, what about you?

Oh, I'm a lawyer.

General counsel

to the Young Family

Corporation, actually.

That's very impressive.

Mmm. Nah. Just good,

old-fashioned nepotism.

I grew up with Nick and Colin.

We're family friends.

It's nice to meet you,

Rachel Chu.

(HORN HONKS)

ARAMINTA: Ladies, come on.

We're wheels up in five.

Let's do this?

Let's go.

(WOMEN CHEERING)

(GASPS)

-(LAUGHS)

-Yeah!

All I wanted was a weekend

away with my boys.

And some beer.

Maybe some rugby.

Don't worry. It's gonna be

great, whatever happens.

Yeah.

BERNARD: Let's make

some babies!

I don't think it will be.

(RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES

PLAYING)

Any asshole can plan

a normal stag party.

Hookers, drugs, dog-fighting.

That's minor league shit.

To organize a party

this massive...

(SOFTLY)

Takes a massive asshole.

...takes a goddamn mastermind.

Where exactly is this party?

It's right there.

Bloody hell!

Whoo!

(ALL CHEERING)

-(ALL CHEERING)

-(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING)

BERNARD:

Did you just see that?

EDDIE: Oh, my God, Nick.

What are you worried about?

You don't have to

keep Rachel happy.

She's just lucky to be here.

Nice, Eddie.

EDDIE: (SCOFFS) Oh, what?

So we're gonna pretend

like that's not the truth?

Are we in some kind of

fairy tale story

that I don't know about?

Did you find a shoe

at midnight

and jump in a pumpkin?

Yo, I got so much shit

about marrying Fiona,

and her parents own

the biggest shipping company

in Hong Kong.

Hey, Araminta's adorable,

but you think your dad

would be spending millions

on this wedding

if her parents didn't own

a billion-dollar resort chain?

What's Rachel bringing

to the table?

-Oh! Small tits!

-(ALL LAUGHING)

MEN: Oh!

Hey. It's not worth it, man.

They're drunk.

BERNARD: Hey, guys,

this is boring. Massage time.

And you, the bachelor,

you're gonna get one

before this weekend is over.

Or we're gonna tie you up

and shave your coo coo chara.

(ALL LAUGHING)

CROWD: (CHANTING)

Coo coo chara!

Hey, come try this.

(LAUGHING)

We have to get off this ship.

(ALL CHEERING)

ARAMINTA: Welcome to paradise.

This is Samsara Island.

This weekend

is about sisterhood

and connecting

with the divine in all of us.

So, I hope you'll all find

your bliss,

starting with an all-paid

shopping spree

at the fashion boutique!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Come on! Come on!

(WOMEN SCREAMING)

FRANCESCA:

Bitch, I saw this first!

But you have ping pong tits!

What about

your mosquito bites?

-No!

-You know it's true!

(CHANTING) One more minute!

You keep what you can carry.

One more minute!

You keep what you can carry.

Yeah, no one loves free stuff

more than rich people.

Just the one dress for you?

-I don't wanna lose an arm.

-(CHUCKLES)

Ooh. Well, in that case,

one last touch.

Well, isn't Nick a lucky guy.

ARAMINTA: Time's up!

Next stop... Spa!

(ALL CHEERING)

COLIN: You're a genius.

You know that, right?

NICK: What's a best man for?

Guess that pilot's license

came in handy after all.

-(COLIN LAUGHS)

-Here you go, champ.

COLIN: Oh, thank you, sir.

Mmm. I think that is the best

beer I've ever had.

I'm gonna have to agree

with you on that. (GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

You know,

if it wasn't for Araminta,

I'd ask you to marry me.

(CHUCKLES)

Although,

there is a little something

that might get

in the way of that.

Mmm.

-No!

-NICK: Yeah.

-Is that real? (LAUGHS)

-Yes.

-Wow! Yes!

-Yes.

Yes, man! Congratulations!

-I know.

-That is freaking amazing.

-I'm ready.

-You're ready.

You're doing it. (CHUCKLES)

Nick, I'm really happy

for you, man.

-Thanks, dude.

-(CHUCKLES)

(GRUNTS)

I think my masseuse

just got me pregnant.

(LAUGHS)

I can see why Nick put off

coming back to Singapore.

What do you mean?

You know, he was supposed

to come back last year,

take over the family business.

His parents freaked out

when he didn't.

But, now that he's back,

I'm sure all is forgiven.

RACHEL: But he's not back

for good.

I mean,

we're just here for a wedding.

Wow!

But?

No, I'm really happy for you.

Colin, I've known you

since you were in nappies.

I know when there's something

on your mind.

Well, it wasn't

that long ago

that you were sure

you were moving back home.

And I mean, Rachel loves

her job in New York.

Yeah, we're gonna

figure that out.

You're going to

figure it out. Right.

AMANDA: Rachel, I get it.

It's hard knowing

where you stand

with someone

like Nicholas Young.

He has all that pressure

from his family.

Not just in business,

but in who he's dating.

It's like, you just never know

what's quite going on

in that gorgeous head of his.

Nick told you that

we were together, right?

It's ancient history now.

(CHUCKLES)

Although our families,

particularly his mother,

always wanted us

to get married.

I guess we weren't ready then.

Dude, ever since

primary school,

you were always going to be

the next chairman

of the Young Corporation,

your family's shining heir.

You really think

your family's going to

accept anything

less than that?

I mean, unless you...

No.

(COLIN STAMMERS)

Are you thinking

of walking out?

Leaving everything

to bloody Alistair and Eddie?

I'm not walking out

on anything.

I met a girl, I fell in love

and I want to marry her.

And it can't just be

one thing or the other.

Uh... No, no, no.

It's not that simple.

You know that.

I really admire you.

It takes guts

coming all the way over here,

facing Nick's family.

Especially when Eleanor isn't

exactly in your corner.

Okay, your family aside,

have you ever thought about

what your relationship

with Rachel

will be like

if you got married?

I mean, okay,

you're Nicholas Young.

You're untouchable.

You always have been.

But Rachel's not.

And if she becomes

Mrs. Nicholas Young,

every day for her

is going to be a struggle.

CELINE: I heard she told Tini

that Nick is a good catch.

So typical.

She's not even that pretty.

It's like she's never heard

of plastic surgery. (GIGGLES)

CELINE: Oh, shit.

(SNIFFLES)

Sorry.

You sure she's ready for that?

(SIGHS)

Rachel?

RACHEL: I'm so sorry.

ASTRID: It's okay.

Let's just forget

about those girls.

Camp out here

-and order room service?

-(GASPS)

(FLIES BUZZING)

I'll call security.

No.

I'm not gonna make a scene.

I'm not gonna give them

the satisfaction.

(GRUNTS)

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

This weekend was supposed

to be mani-pedis,

cocktails served

in pineapples.

This definitely wasn't

on the menu.

Why would Araminta even have

friends like that?

They're so mean.

ASTRID: Well, you grow up

your whole lives together,

you make excuses for people.

Specially the morons.

I mean, I know Michael didn't

have to deal with catty,

fish-killing sociopaths.

How did you two

get through all this?

Well, I didn't have it quite

as bad, but it wasn't pretty.

Well, at least tell me

it gets better.

Of course it does.

(SIGHS)

You okay?

Yeah.

Actually... No.

You could talk to me.

(SIGHS)

Michael is having an affair.

I'm really sorry, Astrid.

(RACHEL SIGHS)

RACHEL: I thought I was here

to meet your family,

go to your best friend's

wedding, eat some good food.

Instead, I feel like I'm

a villain in a soap opera

who's plotting to steal

your family fortune.

What happened?

I mean, I met Amanda.

She told me

that everyone here thinks

that I'm the evil person

that prevented you

from moving back

to Singapore last year,

when I didn't even know

you were supposed

to come home.

You have every reason

to be upset.

I'm not done yet.

There was also this gutted,

bloody fish

that Araminta's friends

left for me

in my hotel room

on my bed next to the words,

"Catch this,

you gold-digging bitch."

Written in big,

fat serial-killer letters.

Is that all that happened?

I mean, please tell me

that's all that happened.

You know what?

I don't even care

about those stupid girls

with their stupid little

designer handbags

and sunglasses.

I don't care about that.

I don't care

that your ex-girlfriend

told me all this crap.

It's that you didn't

tell me any of it.

I screwed up.

Why? Were you trying

to test me?

NICK: I really

messed up, okay?

-Why would you do that?

-I made a mistake.

When we first met,

you had no idea who I was,

who my family were.

You didn't care!

Yeah, I don't care

about that stupid stuff.

Well, exactly.

You are so different

from all of the women

that I grew up with.

And I love who I am

around you.

I don't want that to change.

-And that's selfish, I know.

-Mmm-hmm.

I'm sorry that you had to deal

with that on your own.

But I'm here now.

Whatever happens,

we'll get through it together.

-Dead fish and all.

-(SIGHS)

All right?

It was so gross.

But I buried it.

You dealt with it.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Come here.

(RACHEL SIGHS)

You know what? We need to do

something tonight.

We need to do something

that's just you and me, okay?

-100% agree.

-Yes.

But we do have to go

make some dumplings first.

Okay?

And can we eat them?

We can eat

as many as you like.

Okay, fine.

(ASIAN MUSIC PLAYING)

-(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

-(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

ALIX: This is too much.

We're hosting

a rehearsal dinner,

not feeding an army.

Better too many than have

people say we're stingy.

So, right.

You put the baby in bed.

You tuck, tuck, tuck.

Same on the other side.

You give him

a kiss good night.

RACHEL: That's so cute.

-How's that?

-And then you eat the baby.

Then you eat the baby

after he's cooked.

RACHEL: No, you gotta

make sure he's cooked.

Did your Ah Ma teach you that?

She did.

OLIVER: I, on the other hand,

was taught

by Grand-Auntie Mabel.

You put the Botox in the face,

and then

you pinch, pinch, pinch.

-Then, voila!

-(PEOPLE CHUCKLING)

Did you guys all learn

when you were kids?

We didn't have a choice.

We taught you so you'd know

the blood, sweat,

and tears it took

to raise and feed you monkeys.

ALIX: Not like the ang-mohs

microwaving macaroni

and cheese

for their own children.

No wonder

they put their parents

in the old folks' home

when they all grow up.

I know!

Ah Ma says if we don't pass

traditions down like this,

they'll disappear.

God forbid, we lose

the ancient Chinese tradition

of guilting your children.

(ALL LAUGHING)

NICK: It's totally worth it.

Mother used to wait for me

after school

with a nice basket of these.

(ALIX IN CANTONESE)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(IN ENGLISH) Hey, I never got

after-school dumplings.

Well, that's because

Auntie Felicity

was doing after-school

microdermabrasion.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(FELICITY IN CANTONESE)

(IN ENGLISH)

Auntie, this is Dolce.

You speak Cantonese?

RACHEL: No, I don't.

It's just great seeing

you guys all like this.

When I was growing up,

it was just me and my mom,

which I loved.

But we didn't really have

a big family like this.

It's really nice.

OLIVER: Oh, that's so lovely

of you to say, Rachel.

We are all very lucky

to have each other.

That's a beautiful ring,

Auntie Eleanor.

I've never seen

anything like it.

Nick's father had it made

when he proposed to me.

That's very romantic.

How did you guys meet?

Actually, they met

at Cambridge.

They were both

studying law together.

Oh, I didn't know

you were a lawyer.

I wasn't.

I withdrew from university

when we got married.

Oh.

I chose to help my husband

run a business

and to raise a family.

For me, it was a privilege.

But for you, you may think

it's old-fashioned.

It's nice

you appreciate this house

and us being here together

wrapping dumplings.

But all this

doesn't just happen.

It's because we know

to put family first,

instead of chasing

one's passion.

(IN MANDARIN)

ALL: Ah Ma...

(IN ENGLISH) Thank you.

AH MA: Oh, Nick. (LAUGHS)

Come and sit.

(IN MANDARIN)

Mmm.

Mmm.

(AH MA CHUCKLES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

-(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

-(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(IN ENGLISH) Oh, hi.

I think I'm a little lost.

This house is pretty big.

ELEANOR: I'm glad I found you.

I am afraid

that I've been unfair.

Oh, no, you know what?

I'm sorry

I made an assumption.

I didn't mean to offend you.

Not at all.

You asked about my ring.

The truth is

Nick's father had it made

when he wanted

to propose to me

because Ah Ma wouldn't

give him the family ring.

I wasn't her first choice.

Honestly, I wasn't her second.

Gosh, I'm so sorry.

I had no idea.

I didn't come

from the right family,

have the right connections.

And Ah Ma thought

I would not make

an adequate wife to her son.

But she came around,

obviously.

It took many years,

and she had good reason

to be concerned.

Because I had no idea

the work

and the sacrifice

it would take.

There were many days

when I wondered

if I would ever measure up.

But having been through

it all,

I know this much.

You will never be enough.

We should head back.

I wouldn't want Nick to worry.

NICK: You all right?

Yeah.

I know my mum

can be tough at times,

but there isn't anything

she wouldn't do for me.

And there is a reason why

I lived with Ah Ma growing up.

It's because my mother knew

she wasn't the favorite.

So she let her raise me,

so I would be.

You were just a kid?

Yeah.

But it's hard to understand

from the outside.

But she did what she thought

was best for the family.

-Mmm-hmm.

-For everyone involved.

Anyway, I think I've had

enough with dumplings

-for the rest of my life.

-(CHUCKLES WEAKLY)

What should we do?

Sushi, movies,

anything you like. Really.

PEIK: Wait, what?

Was she like, "You will never

be good enough for my son"?

Or was it like, "You...

"You will never be good enough

for my son"?

-It's like the second one.

-Oh.

Except for in a way

that made me wanna cry

and puke at the same time.

Gosh, she's so badass.

You know,

I bet if you told her

you'd leave Nick

for a million dollars,

she will write that check.

They do that around here.

And she looked at me

like I was nothing.

Like a $10 million check.

I feel like she would do that.

(SIGHS) I don't even know

what I should do.

I mean, I can't even tell Nick

because he worships her.

Yeah, Chinese sons

think their moms

fart Chanel No. 5.

What about the Ah Ma?

Does she hate your face, too?

Okay, nobody said

they hated my face.

And Ah Ma, she liked my face.

She said I had a lucky nose.

That's great!

You know, Eleanor can hate you

all day long,

but you can't beat 2,000 years

of Chinese filial piety.

I feel like I shouldn't

even go to the wedding.

You know,

it's Colin and Araminta's day.

I don't wanna cause

any drama there.

I feel like I should just

sit it out.

You know? Tell Nick I had

food poisoning or something.

-What?

-That's bullshit.

-You're just scared.

-No, I'm not.

Okay, here's what you need to

understand. All right?

It's not about getting Eleanor

to like you.

It's about getting her

to respect you, all right?

Right now, she just thinks

you're some undeserving,

-clueless, gold-digging...

-Yeah, I got it.

...trashy, unrefined banana.

Yellow on the outside,

white on the inside.

I know what a banana is.

When, in reality, you're

a super sophisticated, smart

professor of

freaking game theory.

Show her that side of you,

you know?

You're right.

Damn straight, I'm right.

It's Peik Lin,

I'm always right.

Yeah, she's like

trying to play

a game of chicken with me.

Where she's like coming at me,

and thinking

I'm going to swerve

like a chicken.

But you can't swerve.

I'm not gonna swerve.

Not for her.

No.

Chickens are bitches, dude!

-And I'm not a chicken.

-You're not a chicken.

You're gonna roll up

to that wedding,

you're gonna be like,

"Bak-bak, bitch!"

Bak-bak, bitch!

-Chickens are bitches.

-(RACHEL LAUGHS)

PEIK: Sorry, Uncle.

What are you doing tonight?

I was gonna go to FedEx

or something.

Why? Oh!

I have been waiting to

do this properly for so long.

I'm thinking eyebrow triage,

root crimps,

maybe some eyelid tape.

What do you think?

Ugh. All of it.

And I would throw in

a Korean snail face mask.

Sweetie, your skin is so dry,

it's hurting my face.

Thank you.

You know, it's about time

someone stood up

to Auntie Eleanor.

Well, you, not me. Oh, God!

She can't know

I was ever here.

Oh, no.

Right. Well, okay, let's get

to work. Cappuccinos.

-(BELL TOLLING)

-(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(MATERIAL GIRL

PLAYING IN CANTONESE)

Pull the plum Balenciaga,

the peach Chloe,

the Giambattista,

all the Bottegas.

Oh, and that Jason Wu with

the deconstructed ruffles.

And a sandwich for Peik Lin.

-Oh! Okay. All right.

-Oh. Right.

I'm not sure if it's working

or if she looks like

a clown's tampon.

On a heavy day.

OLIVER:

You look like a flower.

A sad, lonely flower

no one wants to be around.

(GASPS)

(ALL CLAMORING)

I mean, it's the wedding

of the century.

So, of course, we're here.

It's the natural... (LAUGHS)

BOTH: Oh!

It's not that bad.

-It's holding you up.

-(CAMERA CLICKS)

PEIK: It's a hands-on dress.

You know what I mean?

WYE: Incoming.

Okay.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

I love my fans.

Taipei Tiger 2 is going

to redefine the genre.

-She's a star. She's a star.

-TT2, honey.

BOTH: Oh!

PEIK:

I'm blinded by the light.

OLIVER:

This is why disco died.

PEIK: You kind of look

like a slutty Ebola virus.

It's like a bag of Skittles.

Taste the rainbow.

Could work if we...

Yes. I think

we just ought to...

I just think if we could tell

her this is coming from you

'cause she probably doesn't

want to hear it from a guy.

Okay. Okay.

(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

Okay, remember.

Optimal angles.

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(NEENAH LAUGHING)

Just right here!

Just right here!

(ALL CLAMORING)

PEIK: Ma'am.

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

Everyone, I've got

Rachel Chu of New York.

Rachel Chu of New York.

(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

PHOTOGRAPHER 1:

Rachel! Rachel! To me!

PHOTOGRAPHER 2:

Okay, ladies, looking good.

Out of the way, please.

Out of the way.

-So gorgeous!

-Thank you.

Ladies, move, please.

Out of the way!

Good, that's great.

Beautiful dress.

Ladies.

Amanda.

-Mmm.

-You're in my way.

(SCOFFS) Okay, what?

MICHAEL: Our Chinese investors

are getting nervous.

I have to fly in to Shenzhen

on Monday

to try and talk them down.

That's Cassian's birthday.

Yeah, I know.

I hate to miss it,

but this is important.

You'd think your son's

birthday's important.

Get someone else to handle it.

(TYPING ON KEYPAD)

Unless there's another reason

you're out of town?

What are you saying?

(ROLLS UP DIVIDER)

I know

you're having an affair.

Oh, Jesus. Astrid.

Let's just

get through the wedding,

and we'll deal with it after.

I don't wanna make a scene.

You find out

I'm having an affair

with another woman,

and you're worried

about making a scene?

You'd rather I scream

and carry on?

Yes. Honestly,

I wish you would.

It would show you cared about

more than what people thought

of you and your family.

Don't try and turn this on me.

I'm not the one

who screwed up!

Of course not.

You're always the prettiest,

richest, most perfect girl

in the room.

While I'm just

this lucky bastard

who will never measure up.

Don't say that.

I know

what you're thinking, Astrid.

That's why

you hide your shoes,

the jewelry you buy,

as if every minute of my life

I'm not reminded of it.

I'm just tired.

I'm tired of having nothing

I do matter.

Including having the affair.

(CRYING) Of course

what you do matters!

How can you say that?

(BRAKES SCREECH)

(CRYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Is this a church

or a paddy field?

They spent 40 million

on the wedding.

Really? That's too much.

We're Methodists.

20 million is our limit.

I know.

Princess Intan. Vicious woman.

I heard she demanded

a whole row to herself,

so she wouldn't be bothered

by anyone.

Really?

Who is that?

Aunties.

Rachel, how lovely to see you.

The pleasure is all mine.

ELEANOR: I'm sorry,

our row is full.

-(WHISPERS) I love it.

-(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS)

Bak-bak. Okay.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Princess Intan. Rachel Chu.

I read your great article

about microloans

in the

Asian Economics Journal.

PRINCESS INTAN:

I received so much criticism

about that article.

Well, you know what? I think

your critics missed the point.

'Cause your microloans

helped women,

and women lift up economies.

What was your name, again?

Rachel Chu.

PRINCESS INTAN:

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Now, what brings you here?

RACHEL: I followed a boy...

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Ah Ma is here.

She never comes

to these things.

(ASTRID AND AH MA

SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

(IN ENGLISH)

How are you feeling?

-Good.

-All right. Don't be nervous.

-I'm not nervous.

-You look great.

Thank you.

Hey, Rachel's not sitting

with your family.

Yeah. I don't blame her.

Mother hasn't exactly been

the most welcoming.

But I'm sure she'll be at

the back somewhere laying low.

No. She's right at the front.

Take a look.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(INDISTINCT)

I think you've got a fighter.

(WHISPERING) Guys, it's time.

-Okay.

-All right.

-Hey.

-Yeah?

Make sure

she doesn't take your balls.

-(GROANING)

-(LAUGHS)

Just joking. Just joking.

Thanks for dressing up,

Bernard.

Hey. It's not about me.

Yeah. Come on.

Thanks, Bernard.

-It's not about me.

-All right.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

KINA GRANNIS:

♪ Wise men say

♪ Only fools rush in

♪ But I can't help

♪ Falling in love with you

♪ Shall I stay?

♪ Would it be a sin

♪ If I can't help

♪ Falling in love with you?

♪ Like a river flows

♪ Surely to the sea

♪ Darling, so it goes

♪ Some things are meant to be

♪ So take my hand

♪ Take my whole life, too

♪ For I can't help

♪ Falling in love with you

♪ For I can't help

♪ Falling in love with you♪

(ALL CHEERING)

(ASIAN BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

(SINGING IN MANDARIN)

You look spectacular,

you know that?

It's the double Spanx.

I can't breathe. (CHUCKLES)

It's not the clothes.

It's just you.

Uh, excuse me.

This party isn't gonna

dance itself. Come on.

-Come on, Nicki-Nick.

-All right.

You're very good.

-Yeah? I only stepped

on her twice.

-NICK: Very.

(WOMAN CONTINUES SINGING)

(CROWD SINGING ALONG)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(BOTH WHOOPING)

-Oliver.

-(OLIVER CLEARS THROAT)

Yes, Auntie?

Be a dear

and take care of that.

-(GRUNTING)

-(LAUGHING)

As you wish.

-(MUSIC ENDS)

-(ALL CHEERING)

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

You know, you should wear

a tux more often.

Like, all the time?

Mmm, yeah.

You know, when you're

playing basketball at the Y,

-shaving, brushing your teeth.

-(CHUCKLES)

(SINGING IN MANDARIN)

Alistair, your father's

looking for you.

Something about an overdrawn

discretionary account.

Oh, my God.

-Baby! Oh, my gosh!

-(CLEARS THROAT)

-(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

-(PEOPLE GASP)

Oh. Hi. (CHUCKLES)

So, how do you like

the wedding?

Oh, my gosh!

It's so glamorous! (GASPS)

When it's Alistair's

and my wedding,

(GASPS) I want it

just like this.

No, no, no! I want it big!

Big! Better!

(CHUCKLES) Sweetie!

You'll be lucky

if Alistair's parents

give you a tea ceremony.

You know Alistair's

only the fourth son

of a penny-pinching family,

don't you?

I mean, he'll get

next to nothing.

You want a wedding like this?

You should've fallen in love

with an only child.

Someone like...

Bernard Tai.

-(EXHALES)

-(WOMEN GIGGLING)

Master Nicholas,

your grandmother would like

to speak to you

and Miss Rachel.

Okay.

Sick party.

Yeah!

Hold that.

(PEOPLE CHEERING

IN DISTANCE)

Ah Ma, Mum,

-what's all this about?

-(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

Ah Ma!

ELEANOR: (IN ENGLISH) I'm

sorry to tell you,

but Rachel has been lying

to us about her family

and her mother.

What are... What are you

talking about?

I hired

a private investigator...

-NICK: Mom, you didn't.

-...to look into her past.

-She said her father

passed away in China...

-Mum!

...but that's not true.

Your mother's husband

is very much alive.

During her marriage,

she cheated on him

and became pregnant

with another man's child.

And before he found out,

she ran away to America.

-It's all in here.

-NICK: You had no right!

ELEANOR: We had every right!

NICK: You did not!

RACHEL: You're lying!

Do you have any idea

the scandal

this would have caused

for Rachel to hide

something like this?

She wouldn't have.

(SIGHS) We cannot be linked

to this sort of family.

(PAPERS CLATTERING)

I don't want

any part of your family.

-Rachel.

-(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(IN ENGLISH) Let me go!

Rachel.

-Nick!

-(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

(CAMERA CLICKING)

(IN ENGLISH) Hey, Cinderella.

What's wrong?

You gotta return your dress

before midnight? (LAUGHS)

-Nicki-Nick!

-Oh, you're just in time.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING

AND LAUGHING)

Oliver.

-Oh, Nicki, have you...

-Rachel. Have you seen Rachel?

(LAUGHING)

Nicholas! Hi!

-It's been so long.

-Yes.

Amanda, no. Amanda, not now!

Rachel. Come to breakfast.

You need to eat.

Or use the bathroom,

or maybe a shower.

It's there if you need it.

(DOOR OPENS)

(WHISPERING)

GIRL: Here, Rachel.

This is your dinner.

Thank you.

(WHISPERING)

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

NICK: I'll stop by

again tonight.

Rachel, please,

just give me a call.

Anytime. Please.

Rachel,

someone's here to see ya.

(SIGHS) I don't want

to see him.

It's not Nick.

Mom!

Drink more.

The dong-quai and the ginseng

will give you more energy.

Thanks.

KERRY: Your spirit

has always been so strong,

ever since young.

You will get through this.

Why didn't you tell me

about my father?

(SIGHS)

My husband wasn't a good man.

He hurt me.

But an old schoolmate of mine

helped me through things,

and we fell in love,

and I got pregnant

with his baby.

That's you.

I was so afraid

my husband would find out

and kill us both,

so I just took you

and I ran to America.

Did you ever...

I don't know, think about

trying to talk to him?

I mean,

do you think about him?

Every day.

Oh.

When we first

came to America,

all I could think about

was reaching out for him,

but I was so afraid

my husband would find us.

And now, I just don't want

to cause any trouble.

Oh...

I'm really sorry.

Oh! Don't be sorry.

(CHUCKLES)

You listen to me.

Everything that happened

in my past life

is the reason why I got you.

(CHUCKLES)

My brave and clever girl.

(SOBBING)

(KERRY SIGHS)

(RACHEL SIGHS)

I really thought

he was the one.

Now, I just want to go home.

You know, Nick was the one

who called me

and brought me out here.

Before we go, I think

you should go and talk to him.

(SIGHS)

(CAMERA CLICKING)

I'll e-mail the photo later.

P.T., how long you been

standing there?

Just a short while.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

(NICK SIGHS)

I'm so sorry about everything.

What my mother did to you

is unforgivable.

-It's not your fault.

-It is.

Ever since I can remember,

my family has been

my whole life.

And I am done

making excuses for them.

Nick.

Marry me.

Marry me, and we'll start

a new life together

in New York.

Just you and me.

I'll leave all of this behind.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Thanks for meeting me here.

Don't worry about them.

They're half deaf

and they only speak Hokkien.

My mom taught me how to play.

She told me Mahjong

would teach me

important life skills.

Negotiation,

strategy, cooperation.

You asked me here. I assume

it's not for a Mahjong lesson.

Pong.

My mother taught me, too.

I know Nick told you the truth

about my mom.

But you didn't like me

the second I got here.

Why is that?

There is a Hokkien phrase.

(SPEAKING HOKKIEN)

It means,

"Our own kind of people."

And you're not our own kind.

'Cause I'm not rich?

'Cause I didn't go to

a British boarding school,

or I wasn't born

into a wealthy family?

You're a foreigner. American.

And all Americans think about

is their own happiness.

Don't you want

Nick to be happy?

It's an illusion.

We understand

how to build things that last.

Something you know

nothing about.

You don't know me.

I know you're not

what Nick needs.

Well, he proposed

to me yesterday.

He said he'd walk away

from his family

and from you for good.

Don't worry.

I turned him down.

(SIGHS)

Only a fool

folds a winning hand.

There's no winning.

You made sure of that.

Because if Nick chose me,

he would lose his family.

And if he chose his family,

he might spend the rest

of his life resenting you.

(SIGHS)

So you chose for him.

I'm not leaving

'cause I'm scared

or because I think

I'm not enough.

Because maybe for the first

time in my life,

I know I am.

I just love Nick so much.

I don't want him

to lose his mom again.

So I just wanted you

to know that one day,

when he marries

another lucky girl

who is enough for you,

and you're playing

with your grandkids

while the tan huas

are blooming

and the birds are chirping,

that it was because of me.

A poor,

raised by a single mother,

low class, immigrant nobody.

Hey.

I'm gonna send someone

for the rest of my stuff.

But I wanna talk to you

about my visitation rights

with Cassian.

Stop talking.

What?

Don't worry

about packing your things.

You bought this apartment,

you keep it. We're leaving.

What do you mean

you're leaving?

Where are you gonna go?

I have 14 apartment

buildings that I own,

so probably one of those.

And you'll see Cassian

when it's good for him,

not when it's good for you.

-Hey!

-(SIGHS)

Look, you know,

it's not just my fault

that things didn't work out.

You're right. I shouldn't have

kept things from you.

Hidden my shoes,

turned down jobs,

charity work,

worrying that it might

make you feel lesser than.

But let's be clear.

The problem with our marriage

isn't my family's money.

It's that you're a coward.

You gave up on us.

But I've just realized,

it's not my job

to make you feel like a man.

I can't make you

something you're not.

(YELLOW PLAYING

IN ASIAN LANGUAGE)

Good for you!

Walking away from Nick

and his family's fat-ass

property portfolio.

You have no one,

no net worth,

but you have integrity.

That's why I respect you.

Thank you for everything.

-Bye, Mrs. Chu.

-Goodbye and thank you.

Sure I can't get you to stay?

You know, my brother P.T.,

he's still single.

All right. (SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT

ON PA)

NICK: Rachel!

Rachel! Stay there.

I'm gonna go and look

for some extra blankets.

Hello. (SPEAKING MANDARIN)

Sorry, just one second.

Nick, what are you doing here?

I'm flying back

to New York with you.

God, don't make this harder

than it already is.

I always imagined what me

proposing to you

would be like.

You know what?

I had it all planned out.

Oh!

I'm right behind you.

Don't mind me.

I'd bring you to my favorite

spot on the island.

There's a hidden trail that

I used to go to as a child.

Now there's a cove there

that opens up

to this beautiful lake.

Um... Sorry, dude.

-Give me a second.

-(LAUGHS)

When the sun hits the horizon,

I'd get down on one knee.

(SIGHS)

And the rest of the world

would fall away.

Because it would

just be you...

(WOMAN GRUNTING)

Because it's just you...

Sorry,

I can help you with that.

All right, it's fine.

Stay there.

Yay. You, too?

Watch your fingers.

-Lift it up. Okay.

-Thank you.

(EXHALES) Everybody okay?

Because I just need 30 seconds

with this woman.

Okay, thank you.

Oh. Coming through. Sorry.

I know this is a far throw

from a hidden paradise.

(WOMAN GASPS)

But wherever

you are in the world,

that's where I belong.

But I...

Rachel Chu,

will you marry me?

(GASPS)

And make me the happiest man

in this world?

Yes! Yes! Yes!

She will marry you!

Yes!

(ALL CHEERING)

Oh!

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

-I love you.

-I love you, too.

This is gonna be

some flight back to New York.

Well, I was actually thinking

about staying one more night.

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL WHOOPING)

It's all about you, Nick!

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(WYE STAMMERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

Make babies! Make babies!

♪ You know what?

Vote for a good time

♪ Got that feeling

The feeling to win

♪ As long as I'm breathing

♪ Gotta vote for a good time

♪ Write your name

across the sky

♪ Breathe it in

and we can fly

♪ Love for love

and not for lies, yeah

-♪ So let's vote...

-♪ For a good time

♪ Like you just got paid

♪ Spend it all on Mary Jane

♪ It's a celebration

-♪ Yeah, so I vote... Oh!

-♪ For a good time

♪ And everything is changing

♪ It's got me feeling strange

♪ But we can

stand together, yeah

-♪ Just vote...

-♪ For a good time

♪ Summer nights

that we were wild

♪ Make the choice

that makes you proud

♪ Make the choice

that makes you proud, yeah

-♪ Just vote...

-♪ For a good time

♪ Yeah!

♪ Oh, woah!

♪ Good time, oh, yeah

♪ For a good time

Good time

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la,

la, la, la

♪ Oh

♪ Vote for a good time ♪

(ALL CHEERING)

♪ Yeah

♪ Oh, woah

♪ Good time

-♪ Oh, yeah

-♪ Good time, good time

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la,

la, la, la

♪ Yeah

♪Good time

-♪ Vote for a good time

-♪ Good time, good time

♪ Good time

Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Vote for a good time

Good time

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la,

la, la, la

♪ Vote for a good time

♪ Summer shouldn't end

in nothing

♪ Sometimes life is ugly

♪ We're all searching

for something

-♪ So let's vote...

-♪ For a good time

♪ Don't wait, make that choice

that sets you free now

♪ Unless it plagues your mind

You'll be fine

♪ If you'll just vote

♪ Write your name

across the sky

♪ Breathe it in and we can fly

♪ Love for love

And love for life

-♪ Let's vote

-♪ For a good time

♪ For the moments we remember

♪ And the people

that we treasure

♪ We can give it all together

♪ Vote for a good time ♪

(CASH REGISTER DINGS)

(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)