All language subtitles for 3.Geezers.2013.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG-eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian Download
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian Download
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam Download
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin Download
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian Download
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian Download
sh Serbo-Croatian Download
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,074 Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:44,327 Yo! What up, dawg? 3 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,498 Yo, yo, yo, diggity, yo! 4 00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:49,364 Yo, yo, yiggity-yo! 5 00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:52,367 Yo, yo, yiggity-do. 6 00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:55,506 Yo, yo, yo, yo. 7 00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:58,417 Yo-yo? 8 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,610 Oh, yeah, yeah, you better check yourself 9 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:03,387 before you wreck yourself, because that girl ain't nothing but trouble. 10 00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:06,324 Listen, this cock-a-doodle do not do it that way. 11 00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:10,228 This cock-a-doodle-do don't doodle-do that way. 12 00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:12,390 This cock-a-doodle-do don't do that way. 13 00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:14,263 Geez, Peaches... 14 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,325 shut your fuckin' pie-hole. 15 00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:17,461 Listen, home-skillet, 16 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:22,305 I need some chedda', to take my girl out, 17 00:02:22,408 --> 00:02:24,273 candy slack. 18 00:02:24,377 --> 00:02:27,037 I think the scene is about... 19 00:02:27,062 --> 00:02:29,062 uh, that, uh... 20 00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:34,447 The scene is about... a girl and a... 21 00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:40,425 I think it's a comedy about a bunch of older cockers in a retirement home, that's what it's about. 22 00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:50,527 Hi, my name is J Kimball, I'm an actor. 23 00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:54,230 Hopefully, you actually knew that already, otherwise, uh... 24 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,341 I don't know... have a little chat with my agent, I guess. 25 00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,375 Recently, I was asked to play a character... 26 00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:03,280 who ages into his mid-80's, in a new comedy 27 00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:09,346 which I think is entitled "Do Not Not Resuscitate." 28 00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:13,417 So, I gave it a good read, as I always do, and uh... 29 00:03:14,427 --> 00:03:15,958 it's terrible. 30 00:03:15,983 --> 00:03:17,396 Terrible. 31 00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:21,189 The dialogue is bland, the characters are under-developed, 32 00:03:21,233 --> 00:03:24,031 the plot... a piece of crap. 33 00:03:24,136 --> 00:03:24,894 Honey? 34 00:03:24,895 --> 00:03:27,268 - Then I had a second thought. - Are you ready to go? 35 00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:29,502 Did I mention that it was written by my brother-in-law? 36 00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:32,268 My darling wife's adorable baby brother? 37 00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:35,344 Turn that thing off. 38 00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:37,248 - I'm working. - You haven't seen her in 6 months. 39 00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:38,250 Honey, I'm busy here. 40 00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:40,486 - You promised. - Your project. 41 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,487 Your mother! 42 00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:43,449 Just let me... give me... 43 00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:48,351 So I got a choice. I can do the movie, or... 44 00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:50,293 suffer the consequences. 45 00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:52,363 You married guys know what I'm talking about. 46 00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:54,229 Obviously, I'm doing the movie. 47 00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:57,393 And, since I have no idea what it's like to be 85 years old, 48 00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,496 I'm gonna need to do more research than usual. 49 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:02,034 And I figured I'd invite you all along to suffer with me. 50 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,908 The only question is, am I gonna do that research 51 00:04:04,934 --> 00:04:07,170 where my mother is, at the Nancy Gaye... 52 00:04:07,212 --> 00:04:10,373 Why-the-hell-don't-you-visit-me-more-often Nursing Home... 53 00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:13,417 or... at The Coconuts Convalescent Home, 54 00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:17,250 conveniently located across the street from my favorite casino? 55 00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:21,360 Shuffle up and deal. 56 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,431 This is for your own personal use, correct? 57 00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:36,465 Yeah, yeah. I always like to do research, makes the characters I play more real 58 00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:39,478 for me, you know? And hopefully for the audience as well. 59 00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:42,438 It's, uh... usually just gonna be Bob here, y' know, 60 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:43,472 couple of guys on the crew. 61 00:04:43,516 --> 00:04:46,280 Em, sometimes I'll just shoot myself, 62 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,311 and sometimes we'll both shoot, at the same time. 63 00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,380 But don't worry about them. They're.. they're non-union. 64 00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:51,390 Oh. Good. 65 00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:55,521 Though I am happy to sign a release, or a contract... 66 00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:57,359 No, that won't be necessary. 67 00:04:58,264 --> 00:04:59,626 Uh, so tell me... how long have you been the 68 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,261 Activities Director here? 69 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,427 At The Coconuts? Well, uh, 70 00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:05,395 I haven't always been an administrator. 71 00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:08,373 Life... is but a walking shadow. 72 00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:10,342 A poor player that... 73 00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:12,367 struts and frets... 74 00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:15,506 his hour upon the stage, and then... 75 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,940 is heard no more. 76 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:21,242 You're an actor. 77 00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:22,447 I'm between roles. 78 00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:24,423 Oh, now, I know how that goes. 79 00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:25,953 When was your last gig? 80 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:26,620 November. 81 00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:28,660 - Well, that's not so... - 1998. 82 00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:34,966 Listen, what I... just really wanna 83 00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:36,493 kinda get out of all this, is uh... 84 00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:39,369 an overall feel for what it's like here 85 00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:40,372 for the old people. 86 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,499 You know? Um, do they get visitors? 87 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:45,272 Do they get exercise? 88 00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:46,845 Uh... What gets them up? 89 00:05:46,946 --> 00:05:47,773 In the morning, you know? 90 00:05:47,813 --> 00:05:49,504 And, indeed, can they still... 91 00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:50,447 get it up? 92 00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:53,283 How do old people get around? 93 00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:01,360 Well, first off... 94 00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:04,261 we don't like to call them "old people." 95 00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:07,391 They're just people, like you and me, only 96 00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:10,426 old. 97 00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:14,431 - I can't find my glasses! - They're on top of your head. 98 00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:16,442 Oh, they're on top of my head. 99 00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:20,245 You didn't mention how long you will be with us. 100 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:21,246 A couple of weeks. 101 00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,278 Splendid! 102 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:27,953 So, the idea here at The Coconuts is to make our residents feel at home. 103 00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:29,681 Of course, we try to keep things interesting, 104 00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,519 mix it up a bit. 105 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,458 In many respects, it's a lot more fun than how they lived 106 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,297 before coming here. 107 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,326 Yes, sure! I see that, uh... 108 00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:46,438 Thursday is cherry pie day. 109 00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:49,374 I'm also very excited about a new event we have 110 00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:53,368 scheduled for next month. We're putting on our first "talent show". 111 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:57,281 So they, uh, still have the energy to compete this late in life? 112 00:06:57,316 --> 00:07:00,444 Oh well, yeah. I don't like to speak in clichés, you know, 113 00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:03,478 "never too late" and all that, but, uh... you'd be surprised. 114 00:07:03,889 --> 00:07:06,415 And, I might add, uh, reassured 115 00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:08,494 by what some of them still can do. 116 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:16,491 - But, but, but... she's my niece! - Yeah, I can see the resemblance. 117 00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:20,438 - I only need one more minute. - Yes, well your niece will have to come back 118 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,373 at regular visiting hours. 119 00:07:22,408 --> 00:07:24,273 I hope you wore a condom. 120 00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:26,505 Condoms? We ain't got no condoms. 121 00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:29,276 We don't need no condoms. 122 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,477 I don't have to show you stinking condoms! 123 00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,485 You do if you don't want your dick to fall off. 124 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,447 You're just jealous because I have a pretty face. 125 00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:38,514 And bigger balls. 126 00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:44,419 Ah, shall we take a look around, and introduce you to some of our 127 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,228 residents, who can help you in your research? 128 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,426 - Okay. - Yeah... 129 00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:50,368 You really scared me on that prison show. 130 00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,331 I've always secretly wanted a tattoo. 131 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,272 Oh-ho-ho, you... 132 00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:08,353 So, this is our recreation room. 133 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,257 What do you think, stripes or solids? 134 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,383 How the fuck should I know? 135 00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:17,385 Have they invented Braille balls since I last checked, honkey mother fucker? 136 00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:20,229 Okay, nice to meet you. 137 00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:21,423 That's Bernard. 138 00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:23,297 "Big Sexy"! 139 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,395 Oh, yes, "Big Sexy." 140 00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:29,431 He's harmless, and um, visually-challenged. 141 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,470 Hello, ladies. 142 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,243 Hi. 143 00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:35,271 Morning. 144 00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:38,341 - And one, and two. - This is our all-purpose room. 145 00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:41,285 Oh! You've come at a good time. We're implementing some 146 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,483 innovative changes to health and exercise. 147 00:08:46,425 --> 00:08:48,416 Telephone! Telephone! 148 00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:54,323 And one, and two, and three. 149 00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:55,491 And four. 150 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,234 And one, 151 00:08:58,271 --> 00:08:58,498 And two... 152 00:08:58,504 --> 00:09:02,235 That son of a bitch manager stole my watch again! 153 00:09:02,241 --> 00:09:05,301 Rex, no one has stolen your watch. 154 00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:06,941 Who the hell are you? 155 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,306 I'm the son of a bitch who took... 156 00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:10,439 Nurse! 157 00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:12,475 Knock, knock. 158 00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:14,286 Who's there? 159 00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:21,226 Whoa! 160 00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:25,321 So... that's about it. Why don't you make yourself at home, 161 00:09:25,364 --> 00:09:27,332 talk to some of our residents. 162 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:30,325 I have to get back to the office, but if you need anything... 163 00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:31,527 anything at all, 164 00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:34,273 - just ask. - Okay. Thanks, Greg. 165 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,434 I'll just hang out here and see what the geezers are up to. 166 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,282 Gimme back my watch! 167 00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:38,403 Hi, guys. 168 00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:39,371 What's up? 169 00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:41,473 My dick, if you rub it. 170 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,440 Listen, boy... 171 00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:44,375 this bench is for white's only. 172 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,345 Don't worry about Big Sexy. 173 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:50,245 Uh, you guys mind if I just ask you a few questions? 174 00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:54,217 - Still a free country. - Not for long, the Mexicans are takin' over. 175 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,252 Don't worry about him. 176 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,515 You're here to find out what it's like to be old, right? 177 00:10:59,525 --> 00:11:00,457 Yeah, right. 178 00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,220 It's horrible. 179 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:03,488 My back hurts all the time, 180 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:04,497 I can't sleep at night. 181 00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:07,790 - Colonoscopies. - It's just awful gettin' old. 182 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:11,336 Every day I have to wear diapers 'cause I can't control my bladder. 183 00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:12,462 I'm constipated. 184 00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:14,297 You guys are pathetic! 185 00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:18,101 Every morning, 6 a.m., I have a nice strong piss, 186 00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:22,347 6:30 I have a good firm bowel movement. 187 00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:25,977 Of course, I don't wake up till 7:00... 188 00:11:26,002 --> 00:11:28,002 Ba-dum-bum! 189 00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:36,488 Is he still here? 190 00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:39,162 Yeah, still here. 191 00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:43,326 That's very funny guys. I guess you don't lose your sense of humor when you get old, huh? 192 00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:46,138 But seriously, what do you want to know? 193 00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,065 Well, you know, everything. 194 00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:52,341 I dunno, you guys look like you're pretty fit, what do you do for exercise? 195 00:11:57,516 --> 00:11:59,381 Eat shit, faggot. 196 00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:02,316 Jesus, Frank, now take it easy. 197 00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:04,422 And... dead. 198 00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,250 - This is.. it's research. It's for a movie I'm doing. - A movie? 199 00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:10,421 - You a Jew? - I'm an actor. 200 00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:14,296 I just wanna find out what it really feels like to be old. 201 00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:15,425 Now you're callin' us old? 202 00:12:16,368 --> 00:12:19,235 - You are old! - That's not what your mama said last night! 203 00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:22,566 Wow... So come on, seriously, what do you guys do? 204 00:12:22,591 --> 00:12:23,842 How do you keep in shape? 205 00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:25,811 We play a lot of paddle tennis. 206 00:12:26,545 --> 00:12:29,309 Well, what is that? Paddle tennis? Is that even a real thing? 207 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,473 Bet we could whip your ass! 208 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:32,760 You think so? 209 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,555 Rex and me... against you. 210 00:12:37,389 --> 00:12:41,519 You win? We let you hang out with us for your research. 211 00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:45,454 We win, we get to be in your movie. 212 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,294 Sure, all right. Deal. 213 00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,298 Deal! 214 00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:04,808 Where's Rex? 215 00:13:09,323 --> 00:13:12,390 Ruth... come on. 216 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,049 Out! 217 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,064 Out! 218 00:14:17,889 --> 00:14:19,289 In! 219 00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:24,896 In. 220 00:14:42,123 --> 00:14:42,923 We won! 221 00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,649 We won! 222 00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:47,847 Yeah, yeah. 223 00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:53,889 Looks like you lost. 224 00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:56,928 - I think the fix was in. - I just call 'em like I see 'em. 225 00:14:57,129 --> 00:14:59,927 This guy had a ringer. You totally cheated. 226 00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:02,791 Hollywood! Here we come! 227 00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:05,002 Okay, all right, deal's a deal. 228 00:15:05,437 --> 00:15:06,301 Tell you what... 229 00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:08,331 you can still hang with us. 230 00:15:08,507 --> 00:15:10,236 Eh? Thanks... 231 00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:12,503 - I think. - Just don't touch my junk. 232 00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:15,506 I'll try to resist that urge. 233 00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,420 This might be tougher than I thought. 234 00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:25,148 How's your research going? 235 00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,853 Should've visited your mother instead. 236 00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:32,965 Thank you, dear. 237 00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:40,730 New guy. 238 00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:44,304 Three o'clock. 239 00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:53,318 First time? 240 00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:55,349 Yes, sir. 241 00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,680 - Scared it'll hurt? - That you'll be humiliated? 242 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,584 Never hold your head up in public again? 243 00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:03,418 I'm just here 'cause my doctor said, y' know, it's time to get it checked out. 244 00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,456 Maybe you'll squeal like a pig. 245 00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,390 Feel like you're being raped, in prison. 246 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:08,490 And start to like it. 247 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,265 That's the goal. 248 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:14,298 Listen, nice chattin' with you guys, I gotta finish this script. 249 00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:16,299 I remember when I was a virgin. 250 00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:17,934 Yeah? A while ago? 251 00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:19,342 '52. 252 00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,275 Oh, this really ages you. 253 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,506 Remember Art's son, Frankie? 254 00:16:23,515 --> 00:16:24,504 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 255 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:25,884 Insufficient lube. 256 00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:26,984 It got stuck. 257 00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:30,388 Like goin' to the electric chair, and they forgot to wet the sponge. 258 00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:32,354 Sounds like Frankie forgot to relax. 259 00:16:32,424 --> 00:16:34,324 They lasered his poop-hole. 260 00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:35,323 Really? 261 00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:38,897 - Had to laser it shut. - Oh, I hope he got a good lawyer. 262 00:16:38,922 --> 00:16:40,498 And ripped him a new one. 263 00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:44,299 Does a kind of side-saddle maneuver on the john now. 264 00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,996 - Oh, but other than that, he's fine. - Colon's clear. 265 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:49,005 Yeah, yeah. Clear colon. 266 00:16:49,441 --> 00:16:50,499 Kind of a semi-colon. 267 00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:56,244 Not that he uses it much anymore. 268 00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:02,420 Is there any room, on either side of you guys? We're a little squished in here. 269 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,415 Well, you know, they give you a DVD. 270 00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:06,355 - Yeah, they film it. - I heard that. 271 00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:09,290 A keepsake you'll always treasure. 272 00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:11,486 You know, man looks into the abyss, 273 00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:15,331 and see's himself staring back at him. 274 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:16,997 All part of growin' older. 275 00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:19,368 Lookin' forward to it. 276 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,305 Bernard, we're ready for you. 277 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,410 Mmm, you smell good. 278 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,849 Why, thank you. 279 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,118 Hey! Come on, now, you... 280 00:17:33,143 --> 00:17:35,143 watch it! 281 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:42,952 - You're next. - Oh, go ahead. 282 00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:45,326 - No, you. - You go first. 283 00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:47,297 - You'll thank me. - After you. 284 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,458 - You're gonna really like this. - She seems a little upset. 285 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,730 You are gonna get so used to this. 286 00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,531 - Please go. - You'll be so happy. 287 00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:55,234 I have many years ahead of me. 288 00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:57,274 - Might even tickle. - Go. 289 00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:58,767 - Take a chance! - I'm gonna go home. 290 00:17:58,878 --> 00:17:59,806 No, no! Stay! 291 00:17:59,831 --> 00:18:01,331 Stay! 292 00:18:02,514 --> 00:18:05,210 Mistake. 293 00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:15,252 So, uh, Rex... what are you doing for the big talent show? 294 00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:18,295 What talent show? 295 00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:21,657 Uh, the... that's... Not to worry, we'll come back to you. 296 00:18:21,782 --> 00:18:22,634 Bernard, what about you? 297 00:18:23,335 --> 00:18:25,428 Don't worry about me, I'm workin' on it. 298 00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:26,338 Okay. 299 00:18:26,363 --> 00:18:30,263 Why they want you to have any good time in this damn place? 300 00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,237 We're right in the middle of an interview! 301 00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:34,308 That's okay, I don't mind. 302 00:18:35,414 --> 00:18:37,214 Okay, what are you doin' for the talent show? 303 00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:41,744 - I don't do that stupid shit. - You gotta love the president's stimulus package. 304 00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:44,280 Is that what's payin' for all this? 305 00:18:44,523 --> 00:18:46,388 You see the new girl that checked in yesterday? 306 00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:51,486 I hesitate to ask here, Victor... what is... what is goin' on there? 307 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:56,400 Oh, sexting! With a shawty I met last week. 308 00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:58,436 He's addicted to sext, you know? 309 00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:00,763 Wow, that's, uh... 310 00:19:01,507 --> 00:19:03,407 She hittin' you back, there? Is that what's goin' on? 311 00:19:06,712 --> 00:19:08,406 Ooh! Where'd you meet her? Comic-Con? 312 00:19:09,414 --> 00:19:11,279 She was a friend of my wife's. 313 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:12,940 I didn't know you were married. 314 00:19:13,418 --> 00:19:15,443 Well, I'm not. 315 00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:17,310 Anymore... 316 00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,658 Oh. I'm sorry. What, uh... what happened? 317 00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:28,325 Kandearoo. Kandearoo... 318 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:31,230 What is that? What is Kandearoo? 319 00:20:00,941 --> 00:20:02,341 Jesus! 320 00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:04,435 I mean, there's no way to stop it? 321 00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:27,315 God! That's... that's terrible. Victor, I'm 322 00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:30,326 I'm so sorry man, I- I didn't know. 323 00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:41,472 Va-va-verga! 324 00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:44,400 You gotta be kiddin' me. 325 00:20:45,444 --> 00:20:47,207 - Breckin! Breckin Meyer! - Hey guys! 326 00:20:47,232 --> 00:20:48,232 - Where you goin'? - How's it goin'? 327 00:20:48,257 --> 00:20:50,757 I'm going to play some laser tag with some elderly folks. You wanna watch? 328 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,008 Mind if we tag along? 329 00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:54,417 Yeah, actually, I want the footage, come on. 330 00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:58,114 - We love your show, uh, Frank and Beans. - Oh, thanks brother, we're having a good time. 331 00:20:58,558 --> 00:20:59,525 J! 332 00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:00,558 - There he is! - How's it goin'? 333 00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:02,156 - Hey, man, thanks for coming. - All right. 334 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,387 Good to see you, and these guys just, what? Follow you around 335 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:05,665 Yeah, it's my entourage, you don't mind do you? 336 00:21:05,690 --> 00:21:06,397 Whatever. 337 00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:09,334 - Who's this? - "Who is this?" Who doesn't have a television? 338 00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:10,401 What, are you kidding me? 339 00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:12,267 - Breckin Meyer, how ya' doin'? - What are you, twelve? 340 00:21:12,337 --> 00:21:13,395 - 12 inches. - Bracken Meyers. 341 00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:15,398 - Breckin Meyer? - Yes sir. 342 00:21:15,474 --> 00:21:17,408 It sounds like a strand of Ukrainian syphilis to me. 343 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,371 Kinda' mouthy for a blind guy playing laser tag. 344 00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:25,349 Oh! Before the cock crows three times, you shall be punked by the blind. 345 00:21:26,652 --> 00:21:28,680 - Is he, did he just call me a cock? - Apparently so. 346 00:21:29,254 --> 00:21:32,485 Okay, Father Time? Cryptkeeper? Methuselah? Let's go, let's do this. 347 00:21:33,325 --> 00:21:37,421 All right, welcome to your ultimate laser tag adventure, are you guys excited to be here? 348 00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:40,329 - Oh yeah. - Awesome, that's nice. 349 00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:45,061 Uh, so my name is Justin and this is Daniel, my trusty sidekick. Everyone say "Hello Daniel." 350 00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:46,464 Hello, Daniel! 351 00:21:46,538 --> 00:21:48,403 And we're gonna be your Game-Masters today. 352 00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:50,470 Did he say Gay Masters? 353 00:21:50,596 --> 00:21:53,424 What sort of S&M bullshit did you bring me to today? 354 00:21:53,477 --> 00:21:55,246 So let's get started. 355 00:21:55,414 --> 00:21:58,181 When you guys walk in that door, you're gonna see a bunch of vests like this one, 356 00:21:58,217 --> 00:22:01,078 and what you want to do is grab the vest off the rack and throw it over your shoulders 357 00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:04,347 - making sure the laser is in front. - Looks like an electric dick. 358 00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:07,415 It sure does. If the laser isn't in front your pack's on backwards 359 00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:09,917 and that's stupid because you can't fire out of your butts. 360 00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:12,526 - Oh, this guy here can. - I bet! 361 00:22:13,065 --> 00:22:16,157 So then you wanna strap in your sides and then you're gonna detach your laser from the vest, 362 00:22:16,235 --> 00:22:18,294 and hold the vest with the laser with two hands at all times. 363 00:22:18,470 --> 00:22:19,859 - How many hands? - Two hands. - Two! 364 00:22:19,938 --> 00:22:23,372 That's right, two hands. Now, you wanna fire everywhere and anywhere 365 00:22:23,442 --> 00:22:25,239 you see blinking, flashing lights. 366 00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:27,438 So, if it's blinking, you blast it. What do you do? You... 367 00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:30,276 - Blast it. - Come on guys, what do you do? 368 00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:32,442 - Blast it! - That's right, you blast it! 369 00:22:32,484 --> 00:22:34,315 All right, Daniel take it over. 370 00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:37,254 All right, we're gonna go over some important game rules for today. 371 00:22:37,322 --> 00:22:40,416 Ah, the first rule is the most important, you guys... 372 00:22:40,492 --> 00:22:44,061 No running. If you run, you're done. 373 00:22:44,128 --> 00:22:47,097 Seriously, with you guy's hearts, if you run, you're done. 374 00:22:47,232 --> 00:22:49,291 You're gonna die. This'll be it. 375 00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:52,269 - I'll beat your little ass. - No climbing or crawling. 376 00:22:52,337 --> 00:22:55,431 No crawling anywhere in the maze, you guys. 377 00:22:55,507 --> 00:22:58,011 Uh, no physical contact. 378 00:22:58,037 --> 00:23:00,826 Yeah, Victor, that means keep your hands off my junk, too. Okay? 379 00:23:01,346 --> 00:23:05,148 No touching. Uh, no unsportsmanlike conduct. 380 00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:09,153 If it don't feel cool, it ain't cool, and that includes offensive language. 381 00:23:09,321 --> 00:23:12,615 No... that includes trash talking, no trash talking, you guys. 382 00:23:12,657 --> 00:23:14,254 - That's bullshit. - Totally. 383 00:23:14,326 --> 00:23:17,318 Next rule, follow staff instructions at all times. 384 00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:19,364 We... are staff. 385 00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:22,458 Last rule, any persons failing to follow these rules 386 00:23:22,534 --> 00:23:26,368 will be asked to leave without a refund. So, if you just follow these rules, you guys... 387 00:23:26,438 --> 00:23:27,762 we'll have a great game, okay? 388 00:23:27,839 --> 00:23:29,439 - We'll be good. - Whoo! - Okay! 389 00:23:29,508 --> 00:23:31,038 - Yeah! - Okay. Let's do it. 390 00:23:31,063 --> 00:23:32,076 Go, old people! 391 00:23:32,077 --> 00:23:33,235 Not you guys. 392 00:23:39,985 --> 00:23:41,213 Rex! It's me! 393 00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:55,333 - Damn. - Right, are you okay? 394 00:23:55,367 --> 00:24:00,395 - Bernard? What? Is it your heart? - You.. dirty... bastards! 395 00:24:17,422 --> 00:24:19,447 Say "hello" to my little friend! 396 00:24:20,525 --> 00:24:22,254 Hey. 397 00:24:26,932 --> 00:24:27,990 Fish in a barrel. 398 00:24:34,406 --> 00:24:37,500 Hey. Looks like we won. 399 00:24:38,376 --> 00:24:41,504 That's it! You're all out. You run, you're done! 400 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,271 You run, you're done. 401 00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:47,376 - We have to go. - That's true, Justin. 402 00:24:47,452 --> 00:24:51,411 You break the rules, you get no refund. 403 00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:54,292 Seemed like a short game to me. 404 00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:56,361 Hey, where Rex? 405 00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,464 You guys keep up on the latest technology at all? 406 00:24:59,531 --> 00:25:02,700 - Well, I've seen color TV. - I got a stereo. 407 00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:05,362 Beautiful, welcome to the 21st century here guys, 408 00:25:05,387 --> 00:25:07,387 this... is a smart phone. 409 00:25:07,506 --> 00:25:11,599 Can make phone calls, of course, you can also do a shit-load of other things, but here, wait, wait... 410 00:25:12,310 --> 00:25:15,404 I'll show you on this 'cause it's got a bigger screen for your tired old eyes. 411 00:25:16,381 --> 00:25:21,444 You can, uh, you can surf the web here, you got emails, I got thousands of photos in this thing. 412 00:25:21,486 --> 00:25:25,813 Uh... music, got a calendar, maps! You got maps of the whole world on this thing. 413 00:25:26,258 --> 00:25:29,521 There's a... there's thousands of apps you can get for this, all on this one little device. 414 00:25:29,594 --> 00:25:33,328 It's, it's unbelievable. It's a dazzling display of technology, right? 415 00:25:33,398 --> 00:25:35,389 It's like a phone, only bigger. 416 00:25:37,369 --> 00:25:44,366 Okay. Here, look. Look at this, this is the most portable, powerful, lightweight notebook money can buy. 417 00:25:44,442 --> 00:25:47,642 And I can do all that same stuff on this, but I can also, I can upload footage here, 418 00:25:47,913 --> 00:25:49,972 I use this for my research all the time, I can edit, 419 00:25:50,415 --> 00:25:53,282 - I could, I could make a movie on this thing. - Really? 420 00:25:53,385 --> 00:25:55,319 - Yeah. - So you could make a porno? 421 00:25:55,353 --> 00:25:58,516 Porno, you want porno, here we go. In two seconds, 422 00:25:59,291 --> 00:26:02,419 just for you, eyes and ears, we have porno! 423 00:26:04,362 --> 00:26:08,458 Oh yeah. Oh yeah, spank the monkey, smart boy. 424 00:26:09,334 --> 00:26:11,427 Damn. 425 00:26:15,273 --> 00:26:16,403 Hello? 426 00:26:16,828 --> 00:26:17,928 Hello? 427 00:26:20,278 --> 00:26:21,472 Hello! 428 00:26:39,464 --> 00:26:42,456 You seem nice. 429 00:26:44,302 --> 00:26:49,399 I'm also a pretty good dancer. 430 00:26:51,509 --> 00:26:55,343 I'd like to see you dance. 431 00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:57,415 Oh. 432 00:27:23,713 --> 00:27:25,474 ...really do see the market to continue to trend... 433 00:27:25,499 --> 00:27:27,499 - ...know why I'm here in the first place. - Skank. 434 00:27:29,877 --> 00:27:32,748 ...now there's a line drive down the left field line... 435 00:27:34,386 --> 00:27:37,287 Do you know the secret to a long-lasting relationship? 436 00:27:38,289 --> 00:27:40,450 Good communication? 437 00:27:40,525 --> 00:27:42,356 Romantic dinners? 438 00:27:43,528 --> 00:27:45,765 Walks in the park? 439 00:27:46,190 --> 00:27:48,790 Those are all great, but not even close. 440 00:27:49,234 --> 00:27:54,494 A recent survey found that 104 percent of males said the secret to a long-lasting relationship is... 441 00:27:54,572 --> 00:27:59,070 a great blowjob! And now, for the first time on TV, 442 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,273 you can learn the secrets to giving a great blowjob, 443 00:28:01,313 --> 00:28:04,214 in the privacy of your home for only 19.95! 444 00:28:04,382 --> 00:28:08,318 This DVD covers such topics as: Should I use lubrication? 445 00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:10,344 And if so, what flavor? 446 00:28:11,289 --> 00:28:13,257 Spit? 447 00:28:13,458 --> 00:28:15,221 Or swallow? 448 00:28:16,494 --> 00:28:20,186 Deep-throating, beginner and advanced techniques. 449 00:28:21,466 --> 00:28:24,435 The first 200 callers will receive a free bonus video. 450 00:28:24,502 --> 00:28:27,300 "Anal Sex - Keep it Clean." 451 00:28:27,405 --> 00:28:31,432 Don't wait! Call 1-800-555-0169 now 452 00:28:31,543 --> 00:28:34,376 to order "How to Give a Great Blowjob"! 453 00:28:34,946 --> 00:28:37,607 Get yours, before your man gets his... 454 00:28:37,983 --> 00:28:39,741 somewhere else. 455 00:28:40,351 --> 00:28:43,286 Oh, my! 456 00:28:44,456 --> 00:28:47,448 Ruth Mama Zion! Where did you get that bikini? 457 00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:51,260 Amazon.com. 458 00:28:51,463 --> 00:28:53,397 What has gotten into you lately? 459 00:28:53,465 --> 00:28:57,265 Turns out you can teach an old dog new tricks. 460 00:29:00,472 --> 00:29:02,463 Something's missing. 461 00:29:07,312 --> 00:29:09,337 Very funny. 462 00:29:16,454 --> 00:29:18,319 Very good! Very good! 463 00:29:20,325 --> 00:29:21,383 What? 464 00:29:21,493 --> 00:29:23,427 Where are ya'? 465 00:29:23,528 --> 00:29:25,119 - You're hot. - I know you're in here somewhere. 466 00:29:25,144 --> 00:29:26,263 You're gettin' hot. 467 00:29:27,364 --> 00:29:30,390 - Where are you? - Hotter. 468 00:29:31,302 --> 00:29:33,293 Yea! 469 00:29:47,352 --> 00:29:50,253 Does Greg know you're out here this late? 470 00:29:50,321 --> 00:29:51,447 It's only 6 o'clock. 471 00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:57,394 - Hi Ruth. - Oh. Hi Victor. 472 00:29:58,363 --> 00:30:00,388 Well, I'm gonna go get changed. 473 00:30:00,465 --> 00:30:02,365 I'll see you at dinner. 474 00:30:06,471 --> 00:30:10,430 God, that daughter of his... really get's him down. 475 00:30:10,508 --> 00:30:14,501 Yeah, I know. She only visits him for the life insurance money. 476 00:30:15,313 --> 00:30:17,281 Oh, poor guy. 477 00:30:39,270 --> 00:30:40,532 Hi, Victor. 478 00:30:41,372 --> 00:30:44,500 You know how cute I always thought you were. 479 00:31:35,526 --> 00:31:39,292 Gee... are there any Q-tips? 480 00:31:44,535 --> 00:31:46,435 Hang on! 481 00:31:56,447 --> 00:31:59,211 Doesn't anybody fucking knock anymore? 482 00:32:00,285 --> 00:32:03,012 - So, I don't want to play this guy like he's feeble or senile or... - Honey? 483 00:32:03,037 --> 00:32:04,354 - doesn't know what's going on in the world. - Honey? 484 00:32:04,355 --> 00:32:07,518 - Just a sec'! These guys wanna have sex, they can still get it up. - Who spanked the monkey? Hmm? 485 00:32:07,959 --> 00:32:09,048 Apparently. 486 00:32:09,327 --> 00:32:11,261 - Smart boy? - Okay, let me tell ya'. 487 00:32:11,296 --> 00:32:14,322 I was showing the old farts about computers today, 488 00:32:14,365 --> 00:32:17,459 and about getting on the internet, and about all the stuff I can do on the computer like 489 00:32:17,502 --> 00:32:21,404 editing, and you know, I said I could make my own movie, this guy Bernard says could you make a porno 490 00:32:21,406 --> 00:32:24,073 and I said, oh, well here, lemme show you some porno. 491 00:32:24,109 --> 00:32:27,010 - These guys are like, they're like conniving little children. - Sweetheart? 492 00:32:27,078 --> 00:32:29,945 - What? - It's okay. I trust you. 493 00:32:30,348 --> 00:32:31,474 - You do? - Yes. 494 00:32:31,983 --> 00:32:34,244 It's a convalescent home, how much trouble can you really get into? 495 00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:36,514 I think you'd be surprised. 496 00:32:37,322 --> 00:32:39,381 Yeah? Oh... 497 00:32:39,558 --> 00:32:40,718 surprise me. 498 00:32:48,399 --> 00:32:52,392 Hello everyone. My new best friend, J, 499 00:32:52,437 --> 00:32:57,465 has generously offered to ask today's special guest to come in and show you some... 500 00:32:57,508 --> 00:32:59,499 invaluable self-defense moves. 501 00:32:59,544 --> 00:33:03,344 When I heard he was coming, I got all choked up. 502 00:33:04,248 --> 00:33:08,344 Ah, I'm proud to introduce Mr. Randy "The Natural" Couture. 503 00:33:08,453 --> 00:33:11,320 Who the hell is Randy Couture? 504 00:33:11,322 --> 00:33:15,586 Mr. Couture came in second on the 9th season of "Dancing With The Celebrities". 505 00:33:16,260 --> 00:33:20,492 Actually, I'm a former UFC heavyweight champion and inductee into the UFC Hall of Fame, 506 00:33:20,498 --> 00:33:23,433 but, you gotta be talking about Chuck Liddell. 507 00:33:24,402 --> 00:33:27,269 Who was, what, ninth on that dance show? And I'm... 508 00:33:27,438 --> 00:33:29,303 way better looking than he is. 509 00:33:29,874 --> 00:33:32,242 Mr. Couture is a mixed martial arts legend. 510 00:33:32,276 --> 00:33:33,770 This guy practically invented the sport. 511 00:33:33,811 --> 00:33:35,545 What is he talking about? 512 00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:40,282 That shit ain't a sport. Just a buncha ass-grabbin' homos 513 00:33:40,307 --> 00:33:42,607 who didn't get enough lovin' from their mothers. 514 00:33:42,620 --> 00:33:45,184 Is he gonna teach us to dance like a star? 515 00:33:45,223 --> 00:33:49,091 Oh, ho, ho, I wish! Mr. Couture was nice enough to come down and teach us some of the 516 00:33:49,394 --> 00:33:52,295 basic movements of mixed martial arts. 517 00:33:52,330 --> 00:33:55,265 He's gonna show you some pretty neat stuff, 518 00:33:55,299 --> 00:33:56,425 so you can protect yourself, 519 00:33:56,467 --> 00:33:58,367 should the need arise. 520 00:33:58,403 --> 00:33:59,461 So... 521 00:34:11,282 --> 00:34:15,412 let's get ready to wrestle! 522 00:34:19,390 --> 00:34:23,258 Well, thank you ladies and gentlemen. I'm very excited to be here this afternoon, 523 00:34:23,294 --> 00:34:25,455 although not quite as excited as Greg here. 524 00:34:26,364 --> 00:34:28,298 How many of you have seen what we do in the Octagon? 525 00:34:30,501 --> 00:34:34,437 Okay. Well, we could do a demonstration, so... I need a volunteer. 526 00:34:37,275 --> 00:34:38,264 How about you, sir? 527 00:34:38,376 --> 00:34:40,310 I want to demonstrate some pretty simple techniques 528 00:34:40,311 --> 00:34:42,245 that don't require a lot of speed or strength, 529 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:45,272 but if you apply them properly, you can take out even the biggest guy. 530 00:34:45,383 --> 00:34:50,320 I want to make sure I isolate that bottom arm, locking out that elbow and that wrist. 531 00:34:50,521 --> 00:34:55,390 And from there, it's pretty easy to escape, or even turn the situation around. 532 00:34:55,426 --> 00:34:58,395 If you're ever attacked from the front, somebody tries to grab you, 533 00:34:59,330 --> 00:35:03,289 I wanna take that arm off, drag it by, and now I get behind my attacker. 534 00:35:03,334 --> 00:35:04,794 From here, I wanna apply a rear choke, 535 00:35:04,835 --> 00:35:06,803 so I'm gonna wrap my arm around his neck, 536 00:35:07,371 --> 00:35:09,498 I'm applying pressure to both those carotid arteries. 537 00:35:09,507 --> 00:35:12,374 I'll lock this technique on, in about 7 seconds 538 00:35:12,410 --> 00:35:14,275 my attacker will pass out. 539 00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:17,380 Now, you're a big strong guy. 540 00:35:17,482 --> 00:35:20,246 - You wanna try that technique? - Okay. 541 00:35:20,551 --> 00:35:23,982 Okay, again. The rear choke, he wraps the arm around the neck. 542 00:35:24,489 --> 00:35:27,420 All right, let's slide this hand behind that's gonna make it nice and tight. 543 00:35:28,392 --> 00:35:32,419 Now from here, if I let him apply the choke, he starts to cut off the blood... Hey, hey, hey... 544 00:35:32,497 --> 00:35:34,294 that's gettin' tight. 545 00:35:34,332 --> 00:35:36,357 He starts to... and, uh... and... 546 00:35:40,238 --> 00:35:41,227 Oh my god! 547 00:35:41,472 --> 00:35:44,305 Oh! My god!! 548 00:35:45,309 --> 00:35:46,435 Does anyone have a camera? 549 00:35:47,345 --> 00:35:50,405 This'll be perfect for my Facebook page. 550 00:36:08,332 --> 00:36:11,233 You guys pickin' up some costumes for your grandkids? 551 00:36:11,502 --> 00:36:13,402 - (mumbling) - What? 552 00:36:14,272 --> 00:36:15,466 - (mumbling) - What? 553 00:36:15,473 --> 00:36:19,409 Go fuck yourself. 554 00:36:20,378 --> 00:36:21,470 Oh... 555 00:36:22,313 --> 00:36:25,510 Douchebag says "what". And I said "what". 556 00:36:26,951 --> 00:36:29,244 Do you believe that salesman talking about the grandchildren? 557 00:36:29,269 --> 00:36:31,254 Like we came here for grandchildren. 558 00:36:31,255 --> 00:36:33,223 - Do you believe that? - What a nerd. Ooh! 559 00:36:33,257 --> 00:36:35,225 This is the row. 560 00:36:35,293 --> 00:36:37,061 - This is the row. - Oh, really? 561 00:36:37,095 --> 00:36:38,255 - Yeah. - Yeah? 562 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:39,462 Yeah. 563 00:36:39,463 --> 00:36:41,294 - Oh, yeah. - Sexy? 564 00:36:41,332 --> 00:36:42,501 Yeah. Oh, yeah. 565 00:36:42,526 --> 00:36:44,526 Oh-ho yeah! 566 00:37:35,353 --> 00:37:37,412 Here! Try these on. 567 00:37:41,492 --> 00:37:43,357 So how do I look? 568 00:37:44,528 --> 00:37:46,393 Really scary. 569 00:37:47,365 --> 00:37:49,230 Is the air conditioning on? 570 00:37:50,334 --> 00:37:52,325 Seems a little cool in here. 571 00:38:00,344 --> 00:38:03,211 Hey, old timers, you wanna buy a map to the star's homes? 572 00:38:03,247 --> 00:38:04,407 You got Brangelina? 573 00:38:04,548 --> 00:38:06,482 - Sure. - You gonna ask her out? 574 00:38:07,285 --> 00:38:10,311 - It depends. - Say, you got any black people in there? 575 00:38:11,089 --> 00:38:14,058 - Tiger? - Oh! He's my hero! 576 00:38:14,258 --> 00:38:15,486 He's a master sexter! 577 00:38:15,526 --> 00:38:17,323 Wait a minute. 578 00:38:17,361 --> 00:38:20,296 - He's black? - Yeah. 579 00:38:20,398 --> 00:38:22,332 Really? 580 00:38:26,437 --> 00:38:28,462 He's nice. 581 00:38:29,941 --> 00:38:31,101 Nice costume. 582 00:38:31,542 --> 00:38:34,238 You too. 583 00:38:40,318 --> 00:38:42,309 Trick or treat! 584 00:38:46,424 --> 00:38:49,393 That's a damn good question you've asked, fellows. 585 00:38:49,427 --> 00:38:51,258 This "Trick or Treat." 586 00:38:52,263 --> 00:38:54,322 Quite the conundrum, really. 587 00:38:55,433 --> 00:38:57,367 Having said that, 588 00:38:57,468 --> 00:39:00,232 my costumed friends, 589 00:39:00,271 --> 00:39:04,207 as fate would have it, I, too, have a question. 590 00:39:05,309 --> 00:39:07,470 Brace yourselves, it's a doozy. 591 00:39:08,379 --> 00:39:10,313 Which one of you pricks can guess, 592 00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:13,317 what I've buried under my house... 593 00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:17,287 Where you going? Hey! 594 00:39:17,521 --> 00:39:20,388 I got Reese's Pieces in here. 595 00:39:20,491 --> 00:39:23,324 And Winston Lights, come back! 596 00:39:30,368 --> 00:39:31,426 I'll be right back. 597 00:39:32,069 --> 00:39:33,127 I gotta do somethin'. 598 00:39:33,371 --> 00:39:37,432 I wasted a whole hour watchin' this douchebag's TV show. 599 00:39:53,457 --> 00:39:56,290 Happy Halloween. 600 00:39:57,361 --> 00:39:58,453 Sir? 601 00:39:59,463 --> 00:40:01,488 Are you... is this ding dong ditch? 602 00:40:02,299 --> 00:40:03,459 By a hundred-year-old? 603 00:40:05,369 --> 00:40:08,304 Is this you running away? Sir? 604 00:40:08,339 --> 00:40:10,500 That's funny. That's very funny. 605 00:40:12,276 --> 00:40:14,506 You're not... you're not moving very fast, sir. I could... 606 00:40:15,312 --> 00:40:18,247 come down there and stick a candy bar up your fuckin' ass. 607 00:40:18,349 --> 00:40:19,407 If I felt like it. 608 00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:21,350 Sir. 609 00:40:21,519 --> 00:40:23,384 Have I done something to offend you? 610 00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:25,355 In the past? I'm just curious 611 00:40:25,356 --> 00:40:28,416 because I'm just sitting on my couch, waiting for obnoxious children 612 00:40:28,459 --> 00:40:31,257 dressed like Spiderman. 613 00:40:31,329 --> 00:40:33,297 Fuck you, sir. Fuck you. 614 00:40:33,531 --> 00:40:35,465 Okay? 615 00:40:36,300 --> 00:40:37,358 Fuck you! 616 00:40:38,402 --> 00:40:42,270 I hope you have a fuckin'... horrible birthday, if you ever have one... again. 617 00:40:45,242 --> 00:40:46,300 Now I'm fuckin' depressed. 618 00:40:52,516 --> 00:40:54,313 Is this my man's place? 619 00:40:54,351 --> 00:40:56,285 I think so. 620 00:41:03,494 --> 00:41:06,361 - Hey, fellows. - Trick or treat! 621 00:41:07,331 --> 00:41:10,459 Come on, isn't there an age limit on trick or treating? 622 00:41:10,501 --> 00:41:12,492 Just give us some candy, bitch. 623 00:41:13,370 --> 00:41:18,239 Wow... well, Mr. Geezer, perhaps you've had a little too much sugar, huh? 624 00:41:18,242 --> 00:41:22,235 Look, I'm a rich fucker, how did you get in here? Right? There's a security guy out there. 625 00:41:22,346 --> 00:41:24,405 I don't like old people coming in and I just... 626 00:41:24,515 --> 00:41:27,279 Get the fuck out of my place. This is my house! 627 00:41:27,485 --> 00:41:29,419 I didn't get any candy. 628 00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:19,461 Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no. 629 00:42:30,347 --> 00:42:34,306 So, who'd be the bitch now, bi-atch? 630 00:42:40,324 --> 00:42:42,485 So let's see, where we are right now. 631 00:42:44,495 --> 00:42:46,429 What's this? 632 00:42:48,365 --> 00:42:54,361 Hey, hey, hey! Shh, shh, shh! Guys, keep it down just a little bit, okay? My wife's sleeping. 633 00:42:54,471 --> 00:42:56,302 Is this it? 634 00:42:56,373 --> 00:42:59,140 Oh, this is my office-slash-mancave. 635 00:42:59,176 --> 00:43:02,370 - It's where I do most of my work. - Where's the indoor pool, and the manservant? 636 00:43:02,446 --> 00:43:05,438 Come on, inside voice, okay? I gave Cheswick the night off. 637 00:43:05,482 --> 00:43:08,417 Somebody wake me when it's time to go, this place is boring as shit. 638 00:43:09,286 --> 00:43:11,345 What's with all the boxes? Are you moving? 639 00:43:11,522 --> 00:43:13,490 No. No, um... 640 00:43:14,391 --> 00:43:19,390 A while back, my... my mother had a bad fall and broke her hip, so you know, 641 00:43:19,415 --> 00:43:21,415 we had to put her in a rest home, I'm... 642 00:43:22,333 --> 00:43:24,267 - I'm goin' through her stuff. - Where is she? 643 00:43:24,368 --> 00:43:27,428 - Nancy Gaye. - Jesus Christ! 644 00:43:27,453 --> 00:43:29,405 Why in the world would you put her there? 645 00:43:29,406 --> 00:43:33,240 - What? What's wrong with it? - Talk about boring, why don't you just ship her straight to the morgue? 646 00:43:33,277 --> 00:43:35,302 Come on, it's not that bad. 647 00:43:35,412 --> 00:43:38,279 - "It's not that bad?" - When was the last time you were there? 648 00:43:41,485 --> 00:43:44,283 Another ungrateful kid. 649 00:43:45,422 --> 00:43:47,253 I just... 650 00:43:48,459 --> 00:43:51,292 I just can't see her like that. 651 00:43:53,364 --> 00:43:56,333 Will somebody help me down from here? 652 00:43:59,403 --> 00:44:03,362 - Nice wheels! - Yeah, I'm proud of Buster Hymen. 653 00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:09,345 I got a dual 12-volt, 95 amp-hour, deep-cycle, lead-acid sealed battery 654 00:44:09,547 --> 00:44:17,515 with removable armrests for maximum maneuverability, there's tracks in back, for snow, mud, and deep sand 655 00:44:18,522 --> 00:44:22,390 high performance hybrid tires for off-roadin' 656 00:44:23,293 --> 00:44:24,453 leather seat, 657 00:44:25,462 --> 00:44:31,367 and double-reinforced hand grips for superior handling and enhanced control. 658 00:44:33,270 --> 00:44:34,430 What do you need all that for? 659 00:44:45,315 --> 00:44:46,441 Victor! 660 00:44:55,325 --> 00:44:57,293 Damn! 661 00:45:35,365 --> 00:45:40,530 Come on, come on, come on, hurry! Come on, you can! 662 00:45:45,542 --> 00:45:47,442 Congratulations. 663 00:45:52,382 --> 00:45:57,376 Welcome everyone. It is so nice to see you all. 664 00:45:58,422 --> 00:46:01,414 I am excited about our project today. 665 00:46:01,492 --> 00:46:03,426 Because... 666 00:46:04,261 --> 00:46:08,391 we are going to try something a little different. 667 00:46:10,267 --> 00:46:11,461 Come on in. 668 00:46:11,535 --> 00:46:14,368 Come on, don't be shy. 669 00:46:15,339 --> 00:46:17,330 This is Luke, everyone. 670 00:46:17,407 --> 00:46:21,309 Luke, you just step right up here and turn around and, um... 671 00:46:21,378 --> 00:46:25,439 Well... 672 00:46:25,482 --> 00:46:28,474 - Oh, my! - Meh! 673 00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:31,344 No. 674 00:46:43,433 --> 00:46:46,459 Well. Oh, Bernard. 675 00:46:47,304 --> 00:46:50,273 - You're joining us today. - They canceled Bingo. 676 00:46:50,340 --> 00:46:54,299 Well, it's very nice to have you. Just come right over here, 677 00:46:54,545 --> 00:46:57,480 I have a chair for you, right next to Victor. 678 00:46:58,348 --> 00:47:02,485 Okay, here's the chair. Oops, there you go. And... 679 00:47:02,486 --> 00:47:07,549 Never thought I'd be sittin' in a girlie class with peckerwoods like you. 680 00:47:08,292 --> 00:47:10,419 We got a nude model today. 681 00:47:10,527 --> 00:47:12,495 - Go on! - Yep. 682 00:47:13,430 --> 00:47:15,330 Big titties? 683 00:47:16,433 --> 00:47:19,266 Oh... very well endowed. 684 00:47:19,336 --> 00:47:22,362 Well, wait till she gets a load of Big Sexy. 685 00:47:23,273 --> 00:47:27,437 Okay, class, now, let's begin 686 00:47:27,544 --> 00:47:33,505 by entering the clay with our hands and taking hold of it. 687 00:47:34,484 --> 00:47:37,615 Yes, let it envelop your imagination... 688 00:47:37,822 --> 00:47:39,915 as it does your fingertips. 689 00:47:41,391 --> 00:47:47,425 Oh, become one with its and soft, pliable wetness. 690 00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:52,825 Let go of your inhibitions and mold the piece to your will. 691 00:47:53,503 --> 00:47:59,305 Now, maybe you want to focus on one certain area... 692 00:48:00,444 --> 00:48:04,346 Like, um... the eyes, or... 693 00:48:05,515 --> 00:48:07,346 the feet... 694 00:48:07,417 --> 00:48:09,248 for example. 695 00:48:09,319 --> 00:48:14,416 Or, maybe just the overall essence of the model. 696 00:48:15,425 --> 00:48:18,223 Oh, knead and stretch, 697 00:48:18,262 --> 00:48:21,425 pull, prod, and twist the clay 698 00:48:21,498 --> 00:48:23,466 into submission. 699 00:48:28,272 --> 00:48:30,263 Uh... Well, let's see what we have here. 700 00:48:30,507 --> 00:48:35,501 Oh, my! That's very van Gogh, Rex. 701 00:48:37,381 --> 00:48:40,282 Oh, why that's excellent realism, Ruth. 702 00:48:40,517 --> 00:48:42,451 And very nice, Mary. 703 00:48:43,487 --> 00:48:45,455 Mary? 704 00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,080 Ah-hah... 705 00:48:47,491 --> 00:48:51,325 Oh, Victor! Victor, um... 706 00:48:52,396 --> 00:48:54,261 Yes! 707 00:48:54,531 --> 00:48:56,465 And Bernard! 708 00:48:56,901 --> 00:48:58,892 Bernard, that's very imaginative. 709 00:48:59,369 --> 00:49:03,237 That is very good use of personal interpretation. 710 00:49:03,340 --> 00:49:09,336 Oh, and please. Please feel free to use your hands on the model, to mold what you see. 711 00:49:09,413 --> 00:49:14,441 I mean, after all, art is as much about feeling as it is about seeing. 712 00:49:15,285 --> 00:49:17,378 Damn, this must be my lucky day. 713 00:49:17,487 --> 00:49:19,352 Oh, I wish it were me. 714 00:49:19,389 --> 00:49:21,254 Come on, I'll take you to the model. 715 00:49:21,592 --> 00:49:23,560 All rightie? Here we go. 716 00:49:24,962 --> 00:49:29,956 And I have a chair for you... have a seat right here, there you go. 717 00:49:30,768 --> 00:49:34,795 And I'll just wheel you right up here, and here... 718 00:49:34,939 --> 00:49:36,839 let's begin with the foot. 719 00:49:38,364 --> 00:49:40,364 Oh! Ooh... 720 00:49:42,312 --> 00:49:44,371 Big Sexy likes your feet. 721 00:49:47,851 --> 00:49:49,045 Oh! And you work out, too. 722 00:49:53,357 --> 00:49:55,484 You need to shave more often, baby. 723 00:49:56,293 --> 00:49:57,453 Ooh, that's hot! 724 00:49:58,495 --> 00:50:01,487 Come to papa, Sugar Bush! 725 00:50:02,065 --> 00:50:05,193 Oh-oh! We got us a problem here. 726 00:50:05,903 --> 00:50:08,872 I don't think you sugar, because that sure ain't no bush. 727 00:50:09,373 --> 00:50:11,432 Gotcha. 728 00:50:16,413 --> 00:50:19,382 Well, I hope you get a refund from the rabbi. 729 00:50:28,058 --> 00:50:30,083 Still your turn, Rex. 730 00:50:34,431 --> 00:50:37,366 What's, uh... what's that little transaction there? What do you keep handing her? 731 00:50:37,401 --> 00:50:39,335 Oh, just makin' some extra cash. 732 00:50:39,436 --> 00:50:42,496 - Extra cash? - Yeah, I sell my Percocet and Vicodin. 733 00:50:43,473 --> 00:50:45,338 You're a drug dealer? 734 00:50:45,375 --> 00:50:49,402 No, I'm not a drug dealer, I just sell drugs people want to buy. That's all. 735 00:50:50,514 --> 00:50:55,315 - You guys are really not what I expected. - It's a good way to help pay some of the bills. 736 00:50:55,385 --> 00:50:58,479 Since they legalized medicinal marijuana, been a windfall for us. 737 00:50:58,956 --> 00:51:01,083 - So you're a drug dealer too? - I'm not a drug dealer. 738 00:51:01,491 --> 00:51:06,428 You just go to the doctor and you say "Oh, Doc, I have terrible migraines this week." 739 00:51:06,496 --> 00:51:11,297 And then next thing you know you got 500 bucks in ganja and Medicare covers the bill. 740 00:51:11,334 --> 00:51:13,234 Your tax dollars at work. 741 00:51:13,303 --> 00:51:15,872 - See that dried-up prune over there? - Yes. 742 00:51:15,939 --> 00:51:18,874 She's been screwin' his brains out for months, just for his drugs! 743 00:51:19,342 --> 00:51:20,810 That's not his granddaughter? 744 00:51:20,945 --> 00:51:24,076 Uh-uh... She found him on Craigslist. 745 00:51:25,015 --> 00:51:25,982 That's pretty sad! 746 00:51:26,083 --> 00:51:27,072 Not for him. 747 00:51:27,951 --> 00:51:28,918 So what did you expect? 748 00:51:29,152 --> 00:51:30,817 What do you mean? 749 00:51:30,854 --> 00:51:33,948 I mean, since we're not what you expected, then what did you expect? 750 00:51:34,024 --> 00:51:36,783 - Oh, uh, I don't know... - Don't be a pussy now, 751 00:51:36,860 --> 00:51:42,093 - Well, I guess I thought you'd be... - Sitting around, waiting to die? 752 00:51:42,900 --> 00:51:44,959 Yeah, sort of... 753 00:51:45,002 --> 00:51:47,869 Depressed, decrepit and useless? 754 00:51:48,906 --> 00:51:49,998 A little, maybe... 755 00:51:50,074 --> 00:51:52,042 Angry, bitter, and rude? 756 00:51:52,443 --> 00:51:55,173 All right, look. I admit, I was buyin' into a stereotype, forgive me, 757 00:51:55,245 --> 00:52:00,179 but... let's face it, there's a lot of stuff you guys just can't do like you used to... 758 00:52:00,217 --> 00:52:04,119 and Rex, he wouldn't remember to eat lunch if it wasn't written down on a note somewhere. 759 00:52:06,890 --> 00:52:07,857 That's true, 760 00:52:08,625 --> 00:52:12,628 but I bet you any one of us here is more content with his life 761 00:52:12,930 --> 00:52:14,090 than you are. 762 00:52:22,940 --> 00:52:24,905 Percocet? 763 00:52:28,245 --> 00:52:31,305 - Hey Sandy, only two today. - Oh, good! 764 00:52:31,849 --> 00:52:34,010 It's here! It's here! 765 00:52:34,084 --> 00:52:37,918 Ruth? I've never seen you so excited before! 766 00:52:38,021 --> 00:52:40,990 Oh, it's it! It's the DVD! 767 00:52:41,058 --> 00:52:43,891 It's here! 768 00:52:43,961 --> 00:52:47,988 Oh, baby! I've been waiting for you! 769 00:52:52,970 --> 00:52:55,029 Virgin territory! 770 00:52:55,139 --> 00:52:58,973 Excuse me ma'am, may help carry your package to your room? 771 00:52:59,042 --> 00:53:04,105 Honey, you can carry mine, if I can carry yours! 772 00:53:22,966 --> 00:53:24,900 Looking sharp there, Victor! 773 00:53:25,002 --> 00:53:27,095 - Nice hat. - Thank you. 774 00:53:32,042 --> 00:53:34,909 - Oh, um... where's Rex!? - Yes, where is Rex? 775 00:53:43,887 --> 00:53:46,048 And the music's even shittier than last year! 776 00:53:46,256 --> 00:53:48,923 Any hot bitches around? Ow! 777 00:53:49,092 --> 00:53:51,959 - Josephine... - She's married! 778 00:53:51,995 --> 00:53:52,962 Buford dies last month! 779 00:53:53,063 --> 00:53:54,052 Really! 780 00:53:54,898 --> 00:53:55,887 Pay up! 781 00:53:57,901 --> 00:53:58,925 Take it! 782 00:54:00,337 --> 00:54:03,033 So she's on the rebound, eh? 783 00:54:03,106 --> 00:54:05,165 Oh, she's on the ultimate rebound. 784 00:54:05,475 --> 00:54:08,142 I'll have to tap that ass! 785 00:54:08,211 --> 00:54:11,305 Give her my number! 786 00:54:15,252 --> 00:54:21,316 Thanks everyone for joining us for our sixth annual Moonlight Hootenanny! 787 00:54:22,092 --> 00:54:25,289 This year's theme will incorporate our "Going Green" initiative, 788 00:54:25,796 --> 00:54:28,993 there'll be a lot of special editions and exciting changes in the coming weeks. 789 00:54:30,067 --> 00:54:31,329 I wanna give a shout-out to Edith 790 00:54:31,769 --> 00:54:34,162 for providing tonight's exciting ear candy, 791 00:54:34,237 --> 00:54:39,174 and remind everyone of our special "Ladies' Choice Dance," so... 792 00:54:39,242 --> 00:54:41,301 without further ado, 793 00:54:42,312 --> 00:54:45,145 Now... it's a party! 794 00:54:45,215 --> 00:54:47,240 What is with the shit-eating grin? 795 00:54:48,350 --> 00:54:51,786 Things are gonna start looking up around here! 796 00:54:52,189 --> 00:54:54,350 ♪ I'm too sexy for my love ♪ 797 00:54:54,375 --> 00:54:59,275 ♪ Too sexy for my love ♪ ♪ Love's going to leave me ♪ 798 00:55:15,512 --> 00:55:17,873 ♪ I'm too sexy for my shirt ♪ 799 00:55:17,898 --> 00:55:22,898 ♪ Too sexy for my shirt ♪ ♪ So sexy it hurts ♪ 800 00:55:23,259 --> 00:55:25,623 ♪ I'm too sexy for Milan ♪ 801 00:55:25,648 --> 00:55:30,648 ♪ Too sexy for Milan ♪ ♪ New York and Japan ♪ 802 00:55:38,771 --> 00:55:41,571 ♪ I'm too sexy for your party ♪ 803 00:55:41,796 --> 00:55:46,071 ♪ Too sexy for your party ♪ ♪ The way I'm disco dancing ♪ 804 00:55:46,806 --> 00:55:49,996 ♪ I'm a model ♪ ♪ You know what I mean ♪ 805 00:55:50,221 --> 00:55:53,621 ♪ And I do my little turn on the catwalk ♪ 806 00:55:53,846 --> 00:55:58,146 ♪ Yeah, on the catwalk ♪ ♪ On the catwalk, yeah ♪ 807 00:55:58,171 --> 00:56:01,671 ♪ I do my little turn on the catwalk ♪ 808 00:56:11,134 --> 00:56:12,362 Oh! I think I'm stuck! 809 00:57:20,721 --> 00:57:23,651 Hey, hey... I got the munchies. 810 00:57:24,540 --> 00:57:27,566 Let's find Rex and get the hell out of here! 811 00:57:51,288 --> 00:57:55,264 ♪ Face down, ass up ♪ ♪ That's the way we like to fuck ♪ 812 00:57:58,911 --> 00:58:02,811 ♪ Face down, ass up ♪ ♪ That's the way we like to fuck ♪ 813 00:58:03,036 --> 00:58:04,617 ♪ I'm lookin' for a bitch to spend the night ♪ 814 00:58:04,642 --> 00:58:06,520 ♪ Do the crazy thing while I fuck all night ♪ 815 00:58:06,545 --> 00:58:08,209 ♪ I make her do things like nothing before ♪ 816 00:58:08,234 --> 00:58:10,184 ♪ And when I'm done, she'll always be sore ♪ 817 00:58:10,209 --> 00:58:11,512 ♪ From the things I do when I'm fuckin' ♪ 818 00:58:11,870 --> 00:58:13,892 ♪ And when I'm tired, the bitches start suckin' ♪ 819 00:58:13,917 --> 00:58:15,641 ♪ I double team with a friend of mine ♪ 820 00:58:15,666 --> 00:58:17,513 ♪ Luke's in front and I'm behind ♪ 821 00:58:17,538 --> 00:58:19,307 ♪ Just ridin' you like a pony ♪ 822 00:58:19,332 --> 00:58:21,521 ♪ While you suck my dick, makin' me horny ♪ 823 00:58:21,546 --> 00:58:23,246 ♪ Then all of a sudden we'll switch positions ♪ 824 00:58:23,271 --> 00:58:25,080 ♪ Prop your ass up and freak the pushin' ♪ 825 00:58:25,105 --> 00:58:26,942 ♪ And when I cum, you'll hear me roar ♪ 826 00:58:26,967 --> 00:58:28,533 ♪ I'll treat any bitch like a whore ♪ 827 00:58:28,558 --> 00:58:30,611 ♪ 'Cause it's the way I like to fuck ♪ 828 00:58:30,636 --> 00:58:33,026 ♪ It's face down and ass up! ♪ 829 00:58:33,309 --> 00:58:36,035 (indistinct) 830 00:58:36,213 --> 00:58:37,913 Fuck that burger! 831 00:58:43,150 --> 00:58:44,509 Fuck! 832 00:58:44,587 --> 00:58:45,645 It's the cops! 833 00:58:45,722 --> 00:58:49,419 Everybody run! 834 00:58:57,700 --> 00:59:00,567 Driver's license, registration, and proof of insurance. 835 00:59:01,671 --> 00:59:02,695 Turn the camera off! 836 00:59:03,606 --> 00:59:05,540 - J? Is that you? - Hi, Kev. 837 00:59:05,608 --> 00:59:07,576 - Doin' some research. - No problem. 838 00:59:11,714 --> 00:59:13,648 Have you been drinking tonight, sir? 839 00:59:14,751 --> 00:59:16,582 I don't think so. 840 00:59:16,652 --> 00:59:20,588 It was my turn to be the designated driver. 841 00:59:20,690 --> 00:59:23,682 - Right guys? - Yes, yes! - Yeah. 842 00:59:23,707 --> 00:59:26,707 Face down, ass up That's the way I like to fuck 843 00:59:27,597 --> 00:59:28,689 Turn the music off! 844 00:59:29,465 --> 00:59:32,457 Always pulling over the black guy! 845 00:59:35,205 --> 00:59:36,263 Get out of the car, sir. 846 00:59:36,639 --> 00:59:41,541 Okay sir, I'm gonna administer some tests to find out if you're too impaired to operate a motor vehicle. 847 00:59:42,212 --> 00:59:46,408 The first thing I want you to do is take your index finger, 848 00:59:46,482 --> 00:59:50,316 tilt your head back, and touch the tip of your finger to the tip of your nose, 849 00:59:50,586 --> 00:59:52,679 in this manner, and alternate. 850 01:00:00,630 --> 01:00:01,995 Okay, next... 851 01:00:02,098 --> 01:00:05,966 I want you to count backwards from 78 to 69. 852 01:00:06,536 --> 01:00:07,696 69... 853 01:00:08,504 --> 01:00:09,732 70! 854 01:00:10,473 --> 01:00:12,498 72 .. 855 01:00:12,608 --> 01:00:14,701 73 .. 856 01:00:15,611 --> 01:00:17,442 Okay. Okay, we're almost done. 857 01:00:17,547 --> 01:00:19,839 I want you to walk a straight line, 858 01:00:19,916 --> 01:00:22,749 now I want you to do it heel-to-toe, just like this... 859 01:00:25,688 --> 01:00:27,051 Then turn around, 860 01:00:27,123 --> 01:00:28,055 and walk back. 861 01:00:37,066 --> 01:00:40,092 Uh, Sir! Sir, sir, sir, sir! 862 01:00:40,370 --> 01:00:43,430 Based on my observations, I believe you've had too much to drink. 863 01:00:43,706 --> 01:00:45,503 Have I? 864 01:00:45,575 --> 01:00:50,444 This is a breathalyzer. I want you to blow into the breathalyzer until I say stop. 865 01:00:55,151 --> 01:00:56,118 - There. - Here... 866 01:00:57,453 --> 01:01:05,622 Blow! Blow Blow! Blow! Blow Blow! Blow! Blow Blow! Blow! Blow Blow! 867 01:01:05,695 --> 01:01:07,720 And stop. 868 01:01:13,703 --> 01:01:15,667 I'll be! You're clean. 869 01:01:15,839 --> 01:01:16,931 Told you. 870 01:01:17,740 --> 01:01:21,540 Look, you're free to go, but, will you speed up? 871 01:01:26,749 --> 01:01:29,650 Say... thanks for lettin' me drive. 872 01:01:30,253 --> 01:01:31,481 I always wanted to do that. 873 01:01:33,723 --> 01:01:35,588 That was you? 874 01:01:36,726 --> 01:01:40,457 Now, time for a booty call. 875 01:01:41,731 --> 01:01:46,725 This is Ruth! Oh, I'm so sorry, I can't come to the phone right now. 876 01:01:46,870 --> 01:01:49,737 I learned how to give a great BJ. 877 01:01:50,606 --> 01:01:52,631 Oh, yeah. 878 01:01:58,581 --> 01:02:00,549 I feel like shit. 879 01:02:01,717 --> 01:02:03,685 That's disgusting! 880 01:02:14,330 --> 01:02:17,458 These fuckin' low-flow toilets don't flush a thing. 881 01:02:18,067 --> 01:02:19,261 I'm too old for this shit! 882 01:02:20,136 --> 01:02:21,398 I'm gonna stop drinking for good. 883 01:02:22,071 --> 01:02:23,197 I mean it this time. 884 01:02:30,246 --> 01:02:33,215 Well, like they say down south... 885 01:02:33,983 --> 01:02:35,377 We gonna see y'all now, hear? 886 01:03:26,169 --> 01:03:27,758 You guys sure know how to party. 887 01:03:28,037 --> 01:03:30,028 Oh-ho! You should've seen Victor. 888 01:03:30,273 --> 01:03:33,174 I thought I was gonna die last night. 889 01:03:34,143 --> 01:03:39,080 You know, I've been meaning to ask you guys. Are you afraid of dying? 890 01:03:39,148 --> 01:03:41,207 - Nah. - I'm not afraid of dying. 891 01:03:41,317 --> 01:03:43,251 I'm afraid of outliving my money. 892 01:03:44,187 --> 01:03:46,178 I can afford to live about six more years. 893 01:03:46,289 --> 01:03:48,223 I can afford about five. 894 01:03:48,291 --> 01:03:49,280 And then what? 895 01:03:53,129 --> 01:03:57,156 But... but the idea of death itself, you don't, you don't find that scary? 896 01:03:58,234 --> 01:04:00,031 - Nah. - Oh, hell no! 897 01:04:00,269 --> 01:04:02,134 In fact... 898 01:04:02,271 --> 01:04:04,136 we got a death pool. 899 01:04:05,041 --> 01:04:06,167 A death pool?! 900 01:04:06,242 --> 01:04:08,073 Yeah, see? 901 01:04:08,244 --> 01:04:10,303 You pick who you think is next to die. 902 01:04:11,114 --> 01:04:13,048 If you're right, you win. 903 01:04:13,216 --> 01:04:15,116 What if two guys pick the same person to die? 904 01:04:15,184 --> 01:04:20,212 Well then, we use cause of death. Heart attack, stroke... 905 01:04:20,323 --> 01:04:22,314 See? Whoever gets the closest. 906 01:04:23,126 --> 01:04:26,186 Don't some people find the idea of a "death pool" a little offensive? 907 01:04:26,262 --> 01:04:29,163 Well, you don't have to play if you don't want to, but most everyone does. 908 01:04:29,298 --> 01:04:32,028 Some that do, I won 100 bucks last month. 909 01:04:32,268 --> 01:04:35,169 - He got lucky with Wilber. - That wasn't luck. 910 01:04:35,271 --> 01:04:37,330 I was watchin' him, he'd been coughing for weeks. 911 01:04:38,074 --> 01:04:40,269 You don't mess around with pneumonia at this age. 912 01:04:41,110 --> 01:04:42,270 Good riddance. 913 01:04:43,046 --> 01:04:47,278 - Good riddance? Come on, the poor guy's dead. - Just because he's dead doesn't mean he... 914 01:04:47,451 --> 01:04:49,476 wasn't an asshole when he was alive. 915 01:04:51,254 --> 01:04:53,188 So, Bernard, who do you have next to go? 916 01:04:53,222 --> 01:04:54,947 - Victor. - Victor?! 917 01:04:54,972 --> 01:04:56,291 Oh, yeah. 918 01:04:56,292 --> 01:04:57,316 Well that's messed up! 919 01:04:58,294 --> 01:05:00,091 How the hell do you have me going? 920 01:05:00,196 --> 01:05:02,221 O.D., drug overdose. 921 01:05:02,331 --> 01:05:05,198 Well then, I'm changing my pick to you. 922 01:05:05,301 --> 01:05:08,168 You'll either get hit by a bus or drown in the pool. 923 01:05:08,304 --> 01:05:10,204 I'll decide later. 924 01:05:11,640 --> 01:05:12,832 All right, so listen, uh... 925 01:05:13,076 --> 01:05:15,237 tomorrow, tomorrow night! Is the big talent show. 926 01:05:15,311 --> 01:05:16,300 You guys ready? 927 01:05:17,213 --> 01:05:19,113 Ready as I'll ever be. 928 01:05:19,215 --> 01:05:20,773 I've been practicing for weeks. 929 01:05:21,084 --> 01:05:24,019 I'm tellin' you, nobody stands a chance against me. 930 01:05:24,120 --> 01:05:26,713 Oh, I don't know. From what I've heard, you may have some stiff competition. 931 01:05:27,090 --> 01:05:30,116 Well that ain't the only thing stiff around here. 932 01:05:32,095 --> 01:05:33,289 Where the hell's my phone? 933 01:05:34,163 --> 01:05:37,030 I'm always losing the damn thing when I'm drunk. 934 01:05:40,203 --> 01:05:43,138 So, these old geezers have a lot of life left in 'em. 935 01:05:43,239 --> 01:05:45,632 I don't know, maybe getting old isn't the worst thing in the world. 936 01:05:46,275 --> 01:05:49,176 Beats the alternative, as they say. 937 01:06:10,066 --> 01:06:11,328 Nancy Gaye Nursing Home... 938 01:06:12,034 --> 01:06:15,094 Hi, can you please connect me with Pat Kimball's room? 939 01:06:25,348 --> 01:06:29,079 Boys, I'd like you to meet my Mom. 940 01:06:31,187 --> 01:06:33,087 She's hot. 941 01:07:13,829 --> 01:07:19,289 I know everyone has been diligently rehearsing their numbers and is ready to show you their stuff! 942 01:07:19,468 --> 01:07:21,493 Get on with it! 943 01:08:32,141 --> 01:08:34,041 Cut! Cut! Cut it now! 944 01:08:34,110 --> 01:08:37,045 - That was good! Uh, Pete, did you get that? - Yeah, I got it. 945 01:08:37,113 --> 01:08:40,082 Okay, then print it. Nice job! It's a wrap! 946 01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:46,412 Cut! That... It sucked. 947 01:08:46,521 --> 01:08:49,856 Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! It sucks. It's... 948 01:08:49,958 --> 01:08:53,017 I wouldn't use this... as fill in a porno. 949 01:08:53,129 --> 01:08:59,227 Cut! Cut! Cut! One word review: shit sandwich. 950 01:09:00,202 --> 01:09:05,230 Cut! Cut! It's just... they're... you're not... the whole thing is it's... 951 01:09:07,076 --> 01:09:08,236 it's no good. 952 01:13:58,129 --> 01:14:00,157 A woman goes to a gynecologist. 953 01:14:00,482 --> 01:14:05,141 She says, "Doctor, I can't find my pussy cat!" 954 01:14:05,166 --> 01:14:08,761 The doctor says, "..." 955 01:14:11,986 --> 01:14:17,213 Guy comes home, and he says, "Honey! Honey! Pack your bags, I just won the lottery!" 956 01:14:18,238 --> 01:14:20,238 "Where are we going?" 957 01:14:20,263 --> 01:14:23,363 "I don't care! Just get the fuck out!" 958 01:14:24,000 --> 01:14:27,103 Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player 73823

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.