Original subtitles

Still got it.

[music playing]

[sound of television]

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

RAVI'S MOTHER: [speaking punjabi]

Are you getting ready while you're on the phone still?

But baba, your flight will leave without you

and you'll still be talking.

Mom, I'm on phone.

Yeah-- no, it's mom.

Who else?

You know, I so desperately want to get away from--

It's sort of like finding roots here.

So this guy, Jay, whom I met in the India chat room,

he's taking me and Paul to another night party.

Somewhere in Bangalore.

I guess we exist everywhere, even in villages there.

RAVI'S MOTHER: Oi, Ravi.

You'll miss the flight, baba.

God knows how this boy will do all by himself in India.

Why did you call Paul?

That boy is even more scattered all over.

[suitcase zipping]

[kissing]

RAVI: Paul, you're smelling of curry!

PAUL: Ew.

And you of, you're not worth it, cheap baby lotion.

[laughing]

PAUL: You sure this our coach?

Did you check the front?

[plane taking off]

RAVI: What did you say, Paul?

It's our flight.

We'll land in Mumbai.

PAUL: Oh, as long as we don't get high jacked.

[laughing]

[music playing]

Darling, come, come.

We've arrived.

[birds chirping]

Jay, wait!

RAVI (VOICEOVER): Sarasvati High School, a temple

for goddess of learning?

Gay party, Here?

Pray it's educating enough.

[screaming]

[giggling]

[sneezing]

RAVI: Sorry!

Now, now, Rav, this is your own culture.

It's-- it's like an Indian wedding.

Like we're going to see Indian elephants.

Darling, if he's unsure, you won't have difficulty

in spotting their trunks.

[laughing]

[interposing voices]

Ravi, hope you find your right man here.

JAY: One, two, three.

Testing, testing.

Oh!

Foreign gays.

No, not manly enough.

[giggling]

JAY: Silence, please!

Silence, please!

[music playing]

[phone ringing]

Yeah?

Mom!

No, no, no, mom!

I can't talk to you right now, mom!

Bye.

JAY: Sit down!

Sit down!

And now we will share music.

[TRADITIONAL INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING]

[interposing voices]

I'm happy that you all have gathered here.

Come from such different, far off places.

I hope you enjoy the meeting.

[laughing]

You know what?

These events are opportunities to meet and, of course,

pay love and respect in a very different way.

[applause]

How lovely.

What a weirdo!

PAUL: Is he getting married to them all?

Or finding partners for tonight.

Today, Kama Sutra positions.

Move it in slowly.

Never twist it, no.

Always first foreplay and then play.

Got it?

Right.

Very good.

[applause]

Enjoy yourself.

Let the party begin.

You're very rich.

Money?

Uh, no.

Very poor.

But, um--

Oh, sorry.

RAVI (VOICEOVER): Mm.

Maybe a shag?

No, looks a bit shady and ready.

And not rough enough.

[music playing]

JAY: Food served!

[birds chirping]

JAY: Hey, [non-english speech].

[giggling]

[music playing]

Can't imagine Indians would be, like, this cool.

You mean this hot, huh?

I thought in India, things would be more secretive.

Partying without drinks, eh?

It's even more bizarre than any private talk rooms.

Oh, here comes your opportunity!

Knock, knock.

I'm off!

Hi.

Ravi, from Leicester, Jay's friend.

Murthy, everyone's friend.

And it is a great fortune to have someone

all the way from England.

And a nice bum, too.

Oh, you don't like it?

Tell you what, it was just a greeting in an Indian way.

I know Indian styles of greeting,

but this ain't one of them.

Come on!

You young ones are so touchy.

We come from the deserts, in sexual sense.

In these interior parts of Indian, it's almost a custom

here that no two people from this line part

without trying to have sex.

By the way, Ravi, what are you?

Your parents, grandparents.

Oh, oh.

Punjabi.

We are Sikhs.

I know pagri!

A turban, turban!

No, I don't.

Oh, I love your turbans!

You know what, I've heard that Sikhs are very big hearted!

Mani?

Come here.

Our special guest from England.

Ravi?

Yes.

How long are you going to be here?

Just tonight.

I thought you were going for the picnic the day after.

I tell you what, you stay in my hotel

and I'll put you in that Bangalore bus afterwards,

even if you don't want me to.

Thanks, but I'm not sure.

Oh, yeah?

Let's see what our Mani can manage.

[music playing]

Oh.

[crickets chirping]

What happened?

[groaning]

You-- no like me?

Mani, it's not like that.

But--

No problem.

Nobody got problem.

But I can't!

I thought you more forward.

Look, forward doesn't mean-- well, forget it.

Look-- I didn't mean it.

Not the way you figured it out.

Let's go to my hotel room.

[heavy breathing]

You-- very fair.

English, no?

British Asian.

[groaning]

We-- no sex.

What do you mean?

I thought we just had.

No.

You, me, backside.

You fuck me and I fuck you.

Don't have condoms.

Hm?

Not that way without rubbers?

Condoms?

Hmm?

[groaning]

You know what?

Hmm?

You're wonderful.

I want to be as close to you for the whole night.

[music playing]

PAUL: I am here for you.

RAVI: Love you, too, Paul, but not that way.

Are you positive?

I'm not HIV positive.

Always insisted on condoms.

I always had safer sex.

I'm not reaching anywhere.

[cars honking]

Was I with you all night?

I-- I go nowhere.

Promise.

No.

That's not what I meant.

Did I go out?

You-- you back to body?

No.

Forget it.

So what do we do now?

I go.

But wait!

You can't go just like that.

Mani!

Oops!

Sorry, it's me.

Ooh!

Same story here then!

Night never ends.

And at daybreak, they all vanish in a puff of smoke!

Tell me if you're thinking of vanishing.

Mm.

Maybe.

Let me see.

Only with your new lover boy.

Come off it!

Haven't we slept with the same guy before?

It's not like we met yesterday exactly.

Ah, I love it here.

Back home, this party would be a scandal.

Men kissing in public and people'd scream, oi!

Poof!

You calling me, poof?

You can call me anything.

I don't care.

In fact, it's you who should be careful.

You're in India.

On second thoughts, Indians love you goras a bit too much.

Whites-- they have a white fixation.

They would kiss your ass all the time, anywhere, everywhere.

Ooh!

I'm so scared.

[knocking on door]

MAN 1: [non-english speech]

Oh, has Murthy sent to fetch me?

I don't know.

Did he get what I said?

I got it.

You want to stay back.

I don't mind staying, if I'm invited.

[knocking on door]

Jay?

Looks like they aren't in.

Or maybe busy?

Let's leave dear Jay a note.

We'll miss him until Bangalore hotel.

[music playing]

[birds chirping]

Hmm.

Looks pretty.

Good from outside.

Looks like real, authentic Indian hospitality.

[animal noises]

Oh.

Looks good.

The musty smell's all right.

All it needs are some of those lovely incense sticks.

Looks cosy.

A little hard, huh?

Not so bad view.

[laughing]

Carry on, Paul.

[humming]

[faucet dripping]

[screaming]

Oh, constipation, huh?

You must get used to small towns in India

to get your body clock sorted.

This is more like home.

[goat bleating]

Everything is so informal.

Not many come here to use it as a hotel, but whoever does

goes back with happy memories.

Anyway, tea and breakfast will be served in your room,

but lunch and dinner, lucky ones,

like you, get to dine with me.

I must say, I misread you a bit, initially.

I thought you were too--

An old, stuck up man, huh?

No, no.

I thought you were some sort of a politician.

Maybe I am?

Not so nice after all?

I'll take two.

No one ever forced you, uh, to get married?

Even though my mom and dad know about me,

and tried to be nice about it, they still secretly hope

that I'll get married one day.

To a woman?

To save them an embarrassment from the rest of our family

and in our community.

I was fortunate.

My father died, then I went away to your country,

came back when my mother died.

My relatives tried to match me, but soon

learned to keep their distance.

They thought I came back with different ideas,

different morals or lack of them.

So now you are alone?

Oh!

It's strange.

People here suddenly disappear.

Like the great, Indian vanishing act!

[music playing]

[heavy breathing]

Do you feel like someone's watching us?

Yeah.

All of them.

Like-- like someone's looking intently.

Oh-- it feels spooky.

I think the coconut water works.

Excuse me.

[groaning]

MAN 2: Murthy Anna's guest?

Yeah.

Where from?

England.

OK.

My family, Punjabi Sikhs.

Some of them went to Africa, some to America, Canada.

Me, and my mom, and dad, we're in England.

Gosh, I covered a hundred years of our family history

in just one line!

MAN 2: And him?

Well, I bet you can't tell, but I am also from England.

Me family our European.

Some in Australia, some in USA.

Me mom and dad, well, one is half Jewish

and the other one Anglican.

Yes, they do fight a lot, but also love a lot.

I'm saving him the bother of asking the next few question.

Murthy are also from England.

Very good man.

Coarse man.

Very strong man.

He got my daughter married.

Great Man.

Him and Anna, both.

Both?

Yes.

But that's one.

Murthy Anna.

No.

Murthy Anna and Anna Anna.

I think, here, Anna is a title out of respect.

I thought Anna was a girl's name.

Do you think the old man has an invisible double?

Or is he just plain schizophrenic?

[music playing]

Oh!

Service charges?

No.

Murthy Anna pay.

Where from?

Gosh!

Here we go again.

OK.

British Asian--

[music playing]

Murthy Anna [non-english speech]

Murthy Anna help all marry.

No.

No look at women.

Very respect.

Looks like an Indian cupid setting up straight marriages

of young people.

Everyone love marriage.

They come to Murthy Anna.

Everyone respect Anna and Murthy Anna.

Anything else, sir?

No, thanks.

Anything, you, your friend, want, call.

I come.

I come and, you know, find it.

You call, I come.

Paul?

Paul?

PAUL: Hmm?

Paul, I'm going to Murthy's for lunch.

PAUL: Hmm.

Are you coming, Paul?

Mm.

Yeah!

[groaning]

Anything else, sir?

ANNA: Nag, nag.

Let's not do an opera act now.

No one is white as milk here.

But you have parties.

Thank god Shimoga people don't tolerate the noise.

Ah, Ravi, our guest.

Anna, also my business partner.

Ravi, come in.

Come, come, come.

You know?

Shimoga is a very famous place.

Made famous by Agatha Christie's, "Orient Express."

I saw it in Piccadilly in 1967.

Oh, how I miss my England sometimes.

How many years have you known each other?

Oh, too many years.

I don't remember the exact details.

42 years, seven and half months, to be precise.

Murthy seems to have forgotten everything since you

two have walked into the hotel.

Come on, it's not their fault, if I don't

remember the exact detail.

Now it's not so important.

How's the food?

Mm.

Very nice, mm.

You both are so cute together.

Sometimes quarreling, sometimes loving.

Just like my old grandparents.

[phone ringing]

Yeah?

Oh, mom!

It's my mom.

She's worried I haven't called in past two days.

But I did call you, mom!

I did!

The day I left Mumbai.

That makes three days.

Sorry, mom.

OK.

I've got to go, mom.

Bye.

She goes on a bit.

Worried that I'm here, in India, without her, all

by myself, and without the usual family drama troop.

Ravi is mommy's only little darling.

Mommy needs to know everything!

Sweet, isn't it?

Yeah.

We've all had a little moment with our mothers.

It went on for hours and years.

Wish you'd understand.

I knew women better.

Um, I-- I'll have one of those.

Sure.

Here.

Mm.

Mm.

Love it!

Thanks for the lovely launch and this thing.

I must go for a walk now.

OK.

Ravi, let's go in.

Uh-- I-- I'll go take a nap.

Thanks.

[groaning]

[dog barking]

[music playing]

What are you doing here?

I go home.

Back.

Really?

Sorry.

I shouldn't have.

Someone's a bit demanding.

You just met him yesterday.

Give him a break!

You're acting like an Indian, after all!

[dogs barking]

Time?

I don't know--

What, please?

Hey, Ravi! Come join us.

Come, come.

Would you--

Hey.

Is it because of Mani?

I think Mani is a good looking boy, a little bit naive,

but I think he's full of passion.

How do you know?

I mean, is everyone making fun of me thoughts?

Ravi, are you serious about Mani?

Ravi, you remind me of Murthy when he came back from England.

He used to get angry on small things,

never knew how to respond sensibly.

That's because if you.

You wanted to have your cake and eat it, too.

You wanted to be with the family and made me wait here.

Women.

Why can't they leave men alone?

Why they are so difficult?

Oh!

I thought you knew all about women.

Both of you made my life miserable.

Oh, god!

Here we go again with the usual accusations.

Ravi?

Tell him.

Tell him who was the one who had parties in Piccadilly

in Notting Hill that every Englishman fell on each other

for?

Murthy!

Murthy!

No relationship is easy.

He'll be OK.

Will you be OK?

Wow.

This is brilliant!

I don't want to be here forever, but this evening was fantastic.

And we kissed!

Mani and I. Yeah, just kissing!

No, don't get like that.

He came on to me first.

He really did!

He wanted to!

Paul, how could you do that?

And was it just kissing?

Oh, jeez!

He was spreading himself around to whoever's coming his way.

What's wrong with me then, eh?

I just wanted to check out what's so special, why you've

become so bloody Mani-minded?

That's the most awful thing to do, Paul.

Why?

Why not?

I mean, I just said, he wanted to!

It's just kissing.

What's the big deal?

What's got into you?

What?

Fuck.

Never mind.

[music playing]

I came to wake you up.

The door was open.

Did you have a wild dream?

You know what, you were shaking!

The servant came running down to call me.

Nightmare of sorts.

Oh.

Dreams, nightmares, like the unexplained bitterness.

Anyway, the bus is going to leave in some time.

You better get dressed and come down, OK?

Ravi?

You know what?

You have a lovely body.

PAUL (VOICEOVER): Hi!

By the time you get this--

(READING) I'd have left for Bangalore, Paul.

[music playing]

[screaming]

[laughing]

Honey, let's go!

No!

No go away!

Damn!

For some time?

No!

No here.

Your room, OK.

[interposing voices]

Did you see Paul in the park?

My white, English friend?

No.

[music playing]

So what did you ask for?

No anything.

I no tell.

Oh, come on!

No special!

You, me, happy.

[bell ringing]

RAVI (VOICEOVER): Mani!

Mani, I can't think of living without you!

Mani!

Mani!

Mani!

[animal noises]

[interposing voices]

Where were you?

With you.

But--

With you.

Always with you.

Mani?

I don't know what game you're playing with me.

So are we spending the night together?

No.

Mommy alone.

My father travel.

Bangalore.

For work.

Only for tonight.

Just for one night.

Can you not make an excuse?

No.

Ravi.

Uh--

You don't seem to have had a good time at the picnic.

No, I really did.

It was nice.

Was Mani with you?

Yeah.

Mani was with me.

Don't judge Mani harshly.

He's fighting his own battles, like most people.

What do you mean?

Marriage?

Yes.

Mani's mother's thinking of getting him married.

Here, responsibilities of marriage is seen as a cure.

And it's true.

Men settle wiser, calmer.

Mani saw a girl yesterday.

Nice girl.

Father owns a grocery shop.

Mani can work in the shop after marriage.

Really don't know what will come out of this proposal.

[confused laughter]

Really?

[music playing]

I, yesterday, six times, thinking you.

Not enough

[laughing]

What?

If you had showed up yesterday, then many more times.

Here.

[laughing]

[groaning]

Mani?

Hmm?

You saw a girl yesterday?

Hm.

Are you getting married to her?

Hm.

So when you have a son, you'll name him Ravi, right?

Hm.

Hm.

Hm.

Can you come to Leicester with me?

I love you.

[music playing]

Think about it.

I will wait for you.

I not know.

I will pay for everything.

Do you think I should get some green eye lens caps?

Yes.

[laughing]

Oh, I'm going to have to go.

Hi, stranger.

Have we met before?

Yes.

I'm still here.

Thought it'd be more fun.

Of course, you can sleep with whole Shimoga.

Except Mani.

I'll leave him alone.

We go back a long way.

Eight years.

Yeah.

I was already missing you.

Sort of.

As I said, I'm sorry.

Oh!

[music playing]

Am I holding you back?

Can we not work it out?

You two have been together for 30 years.

Murthy went to England to a white marriage.

When he came back for his mother's last rites,

I had to convince him to stay back.

He won't get 15 years back.

Only when it's right time.

After her death, I could gather courage

to leave my grown-up family to be with this hotel.

For many, that makes life easier for people like us.

Did your wife know about you and--

She knew.

Not exactly as you young people would say it, but she knew.

Pious woman.

Cared for men from this line.

When they were lonely or attacked in the park.

Heard secret decisions.

WOMAN (VOICEOVER): No problem.

No problem.

Your friend is like a son to me.

Pass that cover.

Let him sleep.

He's too ill.

Look at him.

He's bleeding again.

Who did this to you?

Shh! No talk.

No talk.

No talk, huh?

It's OK.

It's OK.

Anna, rest now.

Did you tell Murthy now about this attack?

You worry too much about that.

They will be-- they will be-- What can we do do?

We are trying our best.

She was fully devoted to me.

Set example to our sacrifices.

Balancing social responsibilities and tragedies

in our personal lives.

Don't want to sound disrespectful,

but it's new to me.

Did no one object to you two to-- together?

Only once.

For a Brahmin living with the lower caste.

People from this line always ask.

But others-- mostly, no one suspects.

Do you think his wife might have known about that?

Well, she must have got some ideas, surely.

I mean-- and I couldn't believe she'd gone to all that trouble.

Coming here and being dedicated to your husband.

[music playing]

Sandalwood oil?

Hmm.

Mm.

You give gifts.

I'm leaving tonight.

Can you come with me tonight?

Right now.

Forever.

We're sort everything.

Your immigration, visa, passport.

I don't know how, but we'll do it together.

I not know.

Will ask.

Give me time.

Mani, when can I get a reply?

I want to see you again!

5:30, river.

You got so many people married, why not Mani and I?

Like-- like you two.

You young people have got holdings.

We cut down our tales.

You don't know what happens within two hearts, especially

when one of them is not mine.

Perhaps Mani sees things differently.

Well, it's a phase or game.

They are afraid.

A few options, but a marriage.

I offered him a UK ticket and a share of my life.

But there's such a gap between you two.

You, a true Englishman.

What-- what do you mean?

Mani and I can't work out the gap?

[music playing]

Back home, some people think I'm not British enough, OK enough.

If I go to a bar, some people come to me and ask,

are you Muslim?

I'm all those.

An Asian living in US, UK, and respects his culture.

In Britain, we value all cultures.

Indian, Muslim, or English.

Ah.

In Britain, your fake classification

of the third world.

Castes, classes, and cultures.

You compare Indian, a nationality.

Muslim, people from a religion.

And English, a national identity, a language,

a culture all put together, hm?

Things are changing in the west for better.

For people like Paul and me.

But India, it's different.

It's a strange place.

Where 21st century exists next door to the 16th.

And you two would have things the way they are?

Continue to have your quiet fun and live comfortably,

as if nothing's wrong!

That's bloody fake!

Anyways, Ravi.

I like you young ones challenging us, the old ones.

Then again, perhaps, maybe a white man from your culture,

maybe Paul is more suitable.

Paul?

We're just friends, mates, a shoulder to--

And a weak one to take that huge baggage.

[laughing]

[music playing]

Rekha!

Ravi--

I just came to say bye to Mani.

Yeah, I know.

He told me you're leaving today.

Oh.

You speak good English.

I work in a bank.

I need to.

Mani told me everything about you.

RAVI: What?

Oh.

You mean that I'm from--

REKHA: London.

Sort of.

It's Leicester, actually.

Ah ha.

And he told me that you've offered

to take him with you to London for better opportunities,

better prospects.

Yeah.

Something on those lines.

Mani seems to be a nice guy, no?

Mani is a nice guy.

I told him, he can go and come back.

It'll be-- it'll be a good experience.

You see, Mani has not yet said yes to our match,

but he will not go against his mother.

And I will not mind waiting.

He-- he has to come back.

Isn't it?

What do you think?

Should he go with you?

Why don't you say something?

It was really nice of Mani to bring you here today.

I really enjoyed meeting you.

I will never forget this-- this meeting of ours.

Me, too.

[birds chirping]

[music playing]

RAVI: Hello?

Yeah, yeah, mom?

I'm fine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm all right.

[crying]

[knocking on door] MURTHY: Hello, Ravi.

Hello, Paul. Come, come.

Sit.

Yeah.

Sorry for yesterday.

I am used to arguments with my son.

Can I take a picture of you?

Mine?

Sure.

No.

The two of you together.

Sure.

Please?

Can we do it there?

Please?

[music playing]

Mm.

Yeah.

There.

That's better.

A bit kitsch, but very appropriate.

[music playing]

I feel young again.

As if we met for--

For the first time.

This gives us a new meaning.

No third person is accepted.

Him and me.

This way.

I've had all kinds of social honors from high places,

but this is the highest.

The best.

We can see our future in you.

We are all crying here for different reasons.

Our Ravi is crying for Mani.

And Paul?

Well, I am crying for all of you.

It would be much easier, if it was

a Western disease, as they say.

And I'm going back to that tick box, minority within diversity.

On second thoughts, crying makes us similar in some ways.

Write to us.

Drop us a letter whenever.

We are not the e-mobile generation.

Do remember us, the old ones, hm?

Yeah.

[music playing]

[music playing on rewind]

[plane taking off]

PAUL: Oh, what a journey!

Did you check, Rav?

Are we on the right plane?

RAVI (VOICEOVER): Yeah, Paul.

We are on the same plane, same level,

where you can call me anything.

Anything else, sir?

[laughing]

[television playing]

RAVI: (READING) Dear Murthy and Anna, first of all,

thank you very much for your kind invitation

to stay back in your hotel.

I can feel the true qualities of same sex pairs.

I really enjoyed my stay with you.

Yours Truly--

RAVI'S MOM: Oi, Ravi!

Food!

RAVI: (READING) Faithfully-- hmm.

RAVI'S MOM: This boy is so moody now.

Have you written enough to your Indian friends, huh?

Coming, mom!

RAVI: (READING) Yours emotionally.

[music playing]

PAUL: Ravi is still looking for the ideal partner.

If you know anyone or think you're the right one,

you can get in touch with him!

[music playing]