Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,043 --> 00:00:02,579
[Bell rings, lockers slam]
2
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:04,748
So. Jessica.
I heard you broke up with Brad.
3
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,871
Who are you gonna date
now that you can date anyone?
4
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:07,838
I don't know.
5
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:11,300
I mean, obviously if someone
special comes along...
6
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,510
B-But I mean
really special, like,
7
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,880
nothing I've even remotely
considered in the past.
8
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,632
-Holy shit, holy shit.
-I want that kind of love
9
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:19,099
-like that docking kind of love.
-Oh, yeah.
10
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,845
Like, penis in the foreskin
kind of love,
11
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:24,221
just, like, warm, just like...
12
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,609
[Exhaling] He--
[Coughs]
13
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:29,852
[Footsteps approach]
14
00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:31,399
-[Inhales]
-Everybody fuck off.
15
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:32,738
Morty, I need your help.
16
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,527
W-W-W-We -- We need to go
on a quick adventure.
17
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:36,116
You said
I could go to school today.
18
00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:38,156
That was be[burps]fore
I needed something, Morty.
19
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,325
There's a plasma shard
in the Abadango Cluster.
20
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,824
A princess has it.
If I get it, I'll be awesome.
21
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,452
We've been going nonstop, Rick.
It's not healthy.
22
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:46,952
You know,
these are my teenage years.
23
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,921
I-I just found out
Jessica's single.
24
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,292
Oh, that's -- Wow, Morty. Wow.
What an exciting life you lead.
25
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:54,634
Let's go. In and out,
20 minutes adventure.
26
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:59,177
-They're on our tail!
-Steady, Morty. Five cetons.
27
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,355
Steady, God damn it!
Two cetons.
28
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:07,848
-[Engine sputters]
-MORTY: Wha!
29
00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:10,477
[Gasps, moans]
30
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:14,321
-Fire!
-[Screams]
31
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,325
Pull up, Morty, pull up!
Pull up!
32
00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:19,488
[Morty screams]
33
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,828
[Both screaming]
34
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:31,256
[Cheers and applause,
triumphant music plays]
35
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,425
[Bottles clink]
36
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:43,180
[Both sighing]
37
00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:47,226
-Fuck.
-[Sobs]
38
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:50,099
[Screams]
39
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,942
Oh, fuck!
40
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,231
Fuck!
41
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,855
Aah! Aah!
42
00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:57,857
I can't fucking do this anymore!
43
00:01:57,993 --> 00:02:00,405
That was seriously fucked up.
We almost died.
44
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:01,868
-So you agree?
-Fuck yes!
45
00:02:01,997 --> 00:02:03,487
That w-- T-This was insane!
46
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:04,614
That was pure luck.
47
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:07,117
I was not in control
of that situation at all.
48
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:11,291
[Sobs, screams]
49
00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:13,255
Look at this, Morty.
Look at my fucking hand.
50
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:14,248
Look at this shit.
51
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,546
Why do you keep doing this
to us?I
52
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,385
I don't know, Morty.
Maybe I hate myself.
53
00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:20,800
Maybe I think I deserve to die.
I-I-I-I don't -- I don't know!
54
00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:24,470
[Wails]
55
00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:26,435
We need a vacation.
56
00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:29,055
[Dramatic music plays]
57
00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:00,924
[Relaxing music plays]
58
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:04,427
[Device beeps, alien purrs]
59
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,470
-Isn't that something?
-You were right.
60
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,264
Best day spa in the galaxy.
61
00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:09,262
It's not even cruel, either.
62
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:11,264
These things are just doing
what they do in the wild.
63
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,061
They love swallowing
stressed-out creatures
64
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,649
for 20 minutes
and then puking them up.
65
00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,985
My whole body's
like a baby's ass.
66
00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:19,196
Complimentary
psychological detox?
67
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,655
Removes
all your cognitive toxins
68
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,195
[Gurgles]
purifies your system.
69
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:23,738
Oof, this guy on commission
or something?
70
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,781
I don't think...
Are you on commission?
71
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,530
We're not on commission.
We get paid by the hour.
72
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,156
[Phlegmy]
There's no incentive, really --
73
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:30,202
Oh, my God.
Okay, listen.
74
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:31,541
W-W-W-We'll try the machine,
75
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,411
but -- but I'd like you
to try something.
76
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,209
Try swallowing
the giant ball of snot
77
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,582
that's dangling around
in the back of your throat.
78
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,585
It's disgusting.
Nobody wants to hear that.
79
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,303
[Clears throat]
80
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:44,638
-That's what you do.
-Okay, Rick, come on. Enough.
81
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,098
Man, did you hear me
bite that guy's head off?
82
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,513
-Geez, I really need to chill.
-[Whirring]
83
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:50,010
Maybe you should
go through twice.
84
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,730
All right, mister comedy man,
you don't have to bust my balls.
85
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,348
-You're not helping things.
-[Clanking, buzzing]
86
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,521
Rick, is this thing
supposed to be making this
87
00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:57,893
[Distorted] noise?
88
00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,861
[High-pitched ringing]
89
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:02,106
[Gurgling]
90
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,494
[Echoing] Morty!
91
00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:09,112
-Ri-Rick.
-Morty!
92
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,081
[Groans]
What happened?
93
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,120
We blew up, idiot!
Are you really that stupid?
94
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,039
Obviously the guy I yelled at
overloaded the machine.
95
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:18,130
It takes more than that to kill
Rick and Morty, motherfucker!
96
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,000
[Roaring]
97
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,046
But this might do it.
98
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,341
-Run, Morty!
-E-Everything hurts!
99
00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:25,838
GUNK RICK:
That's because you're worthless!
100
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,591
[Grunts] Jesus,
how big was this explosion?
101
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,263
I'm a genius.
I don't have time for this shit.
102
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,227
W-W-We're in hell,
aren't we, Rick?
103
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,392
You're so stupid, Morty.
You're an I[burps]diot.
104
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,265
I Burns}
There's no such thing as hell.
105
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,358
I believe you,
but I just want to die.
106
00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:41,354
You can die when I say so.
I control you.
107
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:43,777
I control the universe!
Why am I bragging about that?
108
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:44,944
I have nothing to prove.
109
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:47,659
I'm surrounded by inferior
pieces of shit and...
110
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:50,737
Toxins.
111
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:53,241
We're not in hell, Morty.
We're in the detoxifier.
112
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:55,208
The machine didn't blow up.
It worked normally.
113
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,623
It removed our toxins.
114
00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:57,870
- We're the toxins.
-[Screams]
115
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:00,748
Are you listening, you stupid
little garbage person?!
116
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,921
We're what got removed!
117
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:08,088
I hope you both found that detox
sufficiently relaxing.
118
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:10,432
Hey, man, listen, those comments
I made about your throat?
119
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:11,721
[Clears throat]
It's all good.
120
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,469
It's nice of you
to let me off the hook.
121
00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:16,222
It's still unacceptable
behavior, and I do regret it.
122
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:18,190
Believe me, man, I've been
working here a long time.
123
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,149
I get it.
124
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,988
Hey, uh, you mind
if I put on some music?
125
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,106
Not at all.
126
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:27,358
[Slow-tempo music plays]
127
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,735
♪ Grab my terrifolds ♪
128
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,578
-What is that?
-I just hit shuffle.
129
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:32,946
-Are you kidding?
-[Chuckles]
130
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:35,575
This universe.
[Belches] Oh, excuse me.
131
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,496
We should listen to one random
song a day, you know?
132
00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,085
We'd end up hearing
more songs we didn't like,
133
00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:40,921
but we'd discover
a lot more that we did.
134
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:42,539
That is an interesting concept.
135
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,791
You know, it makes me wonder
136
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,167
if there's
an algorithmic expression
137
00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:46,885
that could achieve
the ideal ratio.
138
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,174
[Chuckles]
Listen to me
139
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,923
[Laughs] trying to calculate
happiness over here.
140
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,470
Hoo, if anyone could, Rick.
141
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,434
Hey, here's something
no science could measure.
142
00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:56,554
I'm real proud
to be your grandpa, Morty.
143
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,647
Thanks, Rick.
I love you.
144
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:01,142
Yeah, motherfucker!
Yeah! Get it! Get some!
145
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,485
Right up your fucking bitch ass,
you fuck!
146
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,445
Guess who just discovered
a new element?!
147
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:06,735
You think you could do that,
Mom?
148
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,859
You think anyone but me could do
that ever in a billion years?
149
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:12,032
Do you think if God existed
he could do it?
150
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:13,073
The answer is no.
151
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,447
If God exists, it's fucking me.
152
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,120
Yes, Rick.
I-I agree, Rick.
153
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:19,789
While you were flapping
your parasitic turd holster,
154
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:21,662
I discovered
the toxic equivalent
155
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:22,788
of electricity, Morty.
156
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:23,880
What do you think about that?
157
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,750
Uh...l th-- I think my voice
is annoying.
158
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,547
It is,
and it's your best quality.
159
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,135
So true.
160
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,301
Now, who can tell me
the common denominator
161
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:33,174
of these two fractions?
162
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,517
You don't know
or y'all just bored?
163
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,977
Hey, listen, you know, wha--
if we're all bored over here,
164
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:39,972
wouldn't the common denominator
be [chuckles] you?
165
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:42,395
-[Laughter]
-Damn, Morty. That's hilarious.
166
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,894
Normally I would come down
on any kind of disruption,
167
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,646
but it seems to represent
a positive change
168
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:47,646
for your character.
169
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:48,863
-Class dismissed!
-[Chatter]
170
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:51,404
-Awesome, Morty!
-You done good, Morty.
171
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:52,492
-GIRL: Oh, yeah!
-[Bell rings]
172
00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:53,907
-Thanks for the advice, Morty.
-You got it.
173
00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:55,655
-I did it, Morty!
-I knew you could.
174
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:56,871
Hey, Morty, remember yesterday
175
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,411
when I couldn't
play the trombone?
176
00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,783
Well, check this out!
177
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,251
["When the Saints
Go Marching In" plays]
178
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:02,744
Just like I told you, Mitch.
179
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,747
The music was in your heart
the whole time.
180
00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:05,873
Stupid hat.
181
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:08,842
Wish I had the courage
to just be myself.
182
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,210
There you are.
183
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,304
[Music continues]
184
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,218
You might have
all these idiots fooled,
185
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,718
but I know you're still
the same pathetic loser
186
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,969
hiding behind
a confident facade.
187
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,595
I know that because...
188
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,848
I'm doing the same thing,
brother.
189
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:25,601
-I'm not alone anymore!
-[Music resumes]
190
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,775
Hey, Morty. Word around school
is you've become super healthy.
191
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:30,022
I don't know about all that.
192
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:32,445
I do, however, know that I have
a pretty bad case of
193
00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:34,693
haven't taken you
to dinner-itis.
194
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,194
Might be fatal.
[Chuckles]
195
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,038
Hey. kids.
Uh, hope I'm not interrupting.
196
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,452
Morty, a moment of your time?
197
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:40,870
Happy to help, Rick.
198
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:41,958
I hate to bug you with this,
199
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:44,545
but after our morning hike,
I started receiving very faint,
200
00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,914
highly unusual transmissions
on my sub-ether phone.
201
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,006
-Listen.
-[Cellphone beeps]
202
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:51,547
[Demonic whooshing, screams]
203
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,921
-[Beep]
-It's a bad phone. Chuck it.
204
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:56,139
I downgraded to a clamshell
for emergencies only.
205
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,883
You know, if -- if -- if
something's worth saying,
206
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,134
I-it's worth eye contact.
207
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,432
Uh, I-I-I traced
the source of the call
208
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:02,929
back to the spa we went to.
Morty.
209
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,272
I thought I could hear
a voice in there,
210
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:05,983
so I enhanced it, a-and listen.
211
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,567
[Screaming]
212
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,482
-GUNK RICK: Hey, asshole!
-GUNK MORTY: Oh, man!
213
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,446
- Remember us?
-I don't like confrontation!
214
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,315
GUNK RICK: You fucked us,
you pieces of garbage!
215
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,533
That's right,
you're fucking garbage, not us.
216
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,448
I'm a fucking genius and a god.
217
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,911
You really think
this thing can hold me?
218
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,530
- I'm gonna rip your throat -
-[ Beep I
219
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,159
Morty, what if the toxic parts
of us have their own identities,
220
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,375
their own will to live?
221
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,211
W-What if mine shares
my intelligence
222
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,080
and devised a way
to reach out to us?
223
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,377
Sounds like
he's in a lot of pain.
224
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,375
[Smacks lips]
Lot. 0. Pain.
225
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,252
But, you know, you shouldn't
have to deal with that, man.
226
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,719
You know,
I-let's work off your trauma
227
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,088
with some urban spin yoga.
228
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:38,056
It's amazing.
You do yoga on a bike,
229
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,219
but you have
an at-risk preteen --
230
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,434
I don't think I can
just blow this off, Morty.
231
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,895
If I had known it worked this
way, I wouldn't have detoxed.
232
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,981
Well, I would have
because I was toxic.
233
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:49,227
Now I'm detoxed and I'm
accountable to my toxins, right?
234
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:52,195
-I-It's a dilemma.
-I think I know what to do.
235
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:53,859
-Morty!
-Rlck! [Laughs]
236
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,154
You know, the only problem here
is a big fat brain
237
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,618
that misses eating
all them big fat problems.
238
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:01,330
Focus on the good things.
Trust me, things are good.
239
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,199
Taking that away from me
[Chuckles]
240
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,041
That wouldn't be healthy.
241
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,501
[Ominous music plays]
242
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,290
[Laughs]
243
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,790
Oh, man. World's Greatest
Grandpa, for reals.
244
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,632
It's not just a coffee cup
for you, bud.
245
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,047
You're legit.
246
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:18,638
[Piano music plays]
247
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,178
I love drums.
I never took drum lessons.
248
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:23,223
Why? Limitations. We are
addicted to our own limitations.
249
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:24,310
How amazing is that?
250
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,725
Is the kale prepared
in the kitchen?
251
00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:27,393
-I'll have a water.
-Uh...
252
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,857
how is the. . "cm-due?"
253
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,273
erudite.
We. a cup of carrot sticks.
254
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,191
Ha! It's okay!
Pronounce it however you want.
255
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:35,860
Words are just things.
Please. Thank you.
256
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:37,198
We're having a conversation.
257
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:40,115
God, I am so excited
to finally have dinner with you.
258
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,577
You know how long
I've been waiting for this?
259
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,071
It's like, whew!
260
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:44,698
I-I-I wish you'd shut up.
though.
261
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,370
Just kidding. You know,
you're so quiet. What's wrong?
262
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:47,743
W-Why don't you tell me
about yourself?
263
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:49,665
What's the atmosphere like
on planet Jessica?
264
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:50,833
Where's the equator?
265
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:53,047
What are the vacations
a-and the holidays?
266
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,883
I mean, you know [Laughs]
are they the same time?
267
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,048
-Talk to me.
-Well...I...
268
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,511
like this restaurant.
269
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,473
Holy shit! Holy shit!
We have a moron over here!
270
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,511
I'm an idiot.
271
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:03,975
I can't believe I haven't
thought of this.
272
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,015
You have to do
this detox thing I did.
273
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,808
It's at an alien spa.
You go through it.
274
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,979
Fwoos-s-s-ssh,
lasers, bwaa-bwaa-bwaa.
275
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,523
[Imitates lasers]
Sucks everything out.
276
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,271
Everything that was holding me
back, everything bad,
277
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:16,771
I mean, it just
[Makes suction noises]
278
00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:17,773
[Laughs] Right?
279
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:20,367
Cooooool.
280
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,782
Oh, my God!
I can't believe this.
281
00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:24,075
Yeah, phones are awful.
I downgraded to --
282
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:26,244
I totally forgot my...
283
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:29,744
I have a...thing, and...
284
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:31,369
-Things are good.
-You know what?
285
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:33,747
Why am I doing that?
That's more rude than the truth.
286
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,375
Look, I'm sorry, Morty.
I just don't think --
287
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:39,378
Do not. Even.
You have no need to explain.
288
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:40,379
It's all good.
289
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:41,926
I think you'd get bored with me.
290
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,844
E-Exactly.
Look, the sparks aren't flying.
291
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,593
This is what dating is for,
you know?
292
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:47,560
[Laughs]
First date, no sparks.
293
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,896
No damage, no worries.
Life is a highway.
294
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:51,731
We're gonna ride it
all night lonnngg!
295
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:53,817
Gonna eat some "erudite."
Mmm!
296
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:56,277
Is this organic? Mmm.
All right.
297
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,113
You know, the evening continues.
298
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:00,403
Okay, here we go.
299
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,697
Ma'am, I'm afraid I have
some bad news for you.
300
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,445
Your money's no good here.
[Laughs]
301
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:05,946
I'll - I'll get the next round.
sir.
302
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,665
-Aren't you a child?
-Only in the ways that matter.
303
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,625
-Morty.
-[Sighs] Stacy.
304
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:11,993
I've been watching you drink.
Stacy.
305
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:13,541
I get the feeling
you've got a hard job.
306
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,209
I wonder what it takes
to please you.
307
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,708
That's the job I want --
part time, full time,
308
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,300
I want to be good at it,
bad at it.
309
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,296
I want to get promoted, fired,
corner office, hostile takeover,
310
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:23,342
workplace accident.
311
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:24,680
I'm on my knees, Stacy,
312
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:27,471
praying, worshiping, begging,
whatever you want.
313
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,971
[Sniffs]
What do you think about that?
314
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:32,643
Okay. Fuck it.
315
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:33,640
-[Glasses clink]
-Tink.
316
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,894
-[Tires screech]
-STACY: [Giggling] Mm!
317
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,896
MORTY: Let's ask my grandpa.
He's a scientist.
318
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,990
Hey, Rick, are you familiar
with Ben Wa technology?
319
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,028
Morty, great news.
320
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:44,572
I went back to the spa,
and they let me purchase
321
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,320
the containment unit
from their detoxifier.
322
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:47,287
Why?
323
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,655
Because we're coming home,
bitch!
324
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:49,496
What is this?
325
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,913
This is the parts of your pussy
grandpa that keep it real.
326
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,786
Oh -- Oh, and I think
you dropped something, too!
327
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:56,289
I don't want to be on-camera.
I'm ugly and gross. Please.
328
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,085
-Should I go?
-You're your own person, Stacy.
329
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,299
Then I'd like to stay.
330
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:00,337
Rick, please tell me
331
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:02,711
you're not trying to put
that stuff back inside of us.
332
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:05,339
Morty, I'm sorry. That stuff
is alive and it belongs with us.
333
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:07,512
We yanked them from their homes
and locked them in a can.
334
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,055
-[Clanks]
-Motherfucker!
335
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,518
See?
They're living in pain.
336
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,137
That's what they do, Rick.
They live in pain.
337
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:13,434
They are pain, you know?
338
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,398
Th-They're all the bad parts
of us, which, by the way,
339
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:16,641
includes our dishonesty,
340
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:19,236
so how do you know this isn't
all some sort of crazy trick?
341
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,071
Oh, so now because
I'm made entirely of toxins,
342
00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:22,109
I'm also a liar?
343
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,404
Fuck you, you little sociopath.
You hear this, Morty?
344
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:25,821
Oh, everybody hates me.
I can tell.
345
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,240
-Y-You all hate me --
-All right, shut up, Morty.
346
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,533
Healthy Rick,
are we doing this or what?
347
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:30,747
Yep. Sorry, Morty. I need you
to step into the booth.
348
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,912
Don't negotiate
with that little turd, dummy.
349
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:35,035
You're the Rick.
You need to show dominance.
350
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,913
Morty, booth, now. Booth!
351
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,164
-Come on, Morty.
-Don't touch me!
352
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,008
Morty, do the healthy thing and
voluntarily retoxify yourself.
353
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:43,001
Nooooo!
354
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,923
Is it wrong if I think
this is kind of hot?
355
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:47,013
Let me out of here!
Stacy, help! Open the door!
356
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:49,178
I need to hear our safe word,
Morty.
357
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:50,721
Sea Cucumber!
Sea Cucumber!
358
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:51,593
What are you doing?
359
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,515
I'll do anything for you, Morty.
360
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:55,889
[Booth hisses, whirs]
361
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:59,268
It worked! [Laughs] Yes!
That idiot believed every word.
362
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,896
Now let's see how he enjoys
living in that shit tank.
363
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,396
He's right behind me, isn't he?
364
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:06,150
-He's in front of you.
-My eyes are still adjusting.
365
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,993
Uh, is this like a sex dungeon?
366
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,408
I guess I should've been
paying attention.
367
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:13,039
GUNK RICK: After 70 years
of being bottled up
368
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,908
inside a [burps]
sentimental jackass,
369
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,330
I finally get to live
my own life.
370
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:17,418
You said we were merging.
371
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:19,663
I lied, dumb-ass!
I lie about everything!
372
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,881
Why would I ever re-merge
with a pussy like you?
373
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,921
So...you were just gonna trap us
in that tank?
374
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:24,918
T-That was your plan?
375
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,795
Not was, motherfucker.
Still is.
376
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,547
-[Groans]
-Kill him, Rick!
377
00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:30,048
I don't like this!
This is scary!
378
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:31,140
All right, you asked for it.
379
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:32,680
-Did I ask for this?
-[Groans]
380
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,270
Did I ask for this?
Huh? Did I?
381
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:37,560
-[ Whirs]
- Assessing threat to groin.
382
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,558
Groin System 6000.
Kill him!
383
00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:40,604
[Whirs, beeps]
384
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,728
That...is my groin's user.
385
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,605
Believe me, I got a lot more use
out of that thing
386
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:45,446
than he ever did.
387
00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:47,942
You know what?
Not my table.
388
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:50,489
[Grunting]
389
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:54,535
- You do know me.
-[ Gasps]
390
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:56,791
What the hell, Grandpa Rick?
391
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,409
-Fuck you, Summer!
-Sorry, Summer!
392
00:13:58,546 --> 00:13:59,627
[Beep]
393
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:01,747
Okay, okay, take it easy.
Don't do it.
394
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:02,998
[Rapid beeping,
creature whimpers]
395
00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:05,341
I love you. Good boy.
Daddy's little boy.
396
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:06,585
Summer, get out of here! Go!
397
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:07,586
Oh, who's that?
398
00:14:07,722 --> 00:14:09,338
Who[burps]'s that over there?
399
00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:11,431
Oh, no. You see the bad man
in front of you?
400
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,391
You're a good little boy.
You're gonna get him.
401
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,260
-[Creature roars]
-You're gonna get him.
402
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,808
-Aah!
-[Screams]
403
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:18,975
Son of a...
404
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:22,984
[Grunts]
405
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,820
[Screams, moans]
406
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,814
[Screams]
Ahh!
407
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:30,191
[Roars]
408
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,614
Nice try, asshole.
409
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,202
We can resolve
[panting] our issues.
410
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:35,288
We don't need to resort
to over-the-top --
411
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:36,622
[Groans]
412
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:37,832
Aah!
413
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,746
I-I did it, Rick.
I got the tank!
414
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,586
I-I'm a piece of shit,
but I got the tank!
415
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,045
You're going in that tank,
motherfucker.
416
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:44,915
You're gonna [burps] live in
that toxic shit wasteland
417
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:45,961
like I had to do!
418
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:46,799
-Aah!
-Ow!
419
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:50,216
[Screaming]
420
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,804
GUNK RICK:
That's right, motherfucker.
421
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,423
You're going in that fuckin' --
422
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,134
Dads?
423
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,136
Okay, just --
just leave her out of it.
424
00:14:58,272 --> 00:14:58,977
What's going on?
425
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,313
All right, fuck this.
Time for plan B.
426
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,148
If I can't trap you
in a toxic world,
427
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,438
I'll just make the whole world
toxic.
428
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:07,229
It's okay, girls.
429
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:09,982
I-I'm so sorry I put us in
danger with some of my behavior.
430
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:12,530
I-If you'd like,
I can go out in the g-garden,
431
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:15,074
pick some fresh basil,
and make us a nice Scallopini.
432
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:17,038
What did the booger version
of you mean
433
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,498
when he said he was going to
make the whole world toxic?
434
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:22,745
Believe me, sweetie, that man's
motivations are a mystery.
435
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,496
Screw that, Rick.
We got to stop him.
436
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:25,997
What's the last thing
you'd think about doing
437
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,044
with that tank thing?
438
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,792
Morty, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,
439
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,384
but it's not our place,
you know,
440
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:33,301
to pick and choose which world
gets saved from what apocalypse.
441
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,266
Our -- Our toxins have as much
a right to their worldview as --
442
00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:38,180
Morty, how is it healthy
to slap me?
443
00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:40,519
Obviously my version of health
is a hell of a lot different
444
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,230
from yours,
you useless old turd.
445
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:43,223
Wait. That's it.
446
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:44,815
How could that detox machine
know the difference
447
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,936
between healthy and sick for
everything that goes through it?
448
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:48,777
It can't.
449
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:51,864
It must be by the individual's
own definition of toxicity.
450
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,654
That means...
451
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,402
-Dad!
-What - What the hell, Rick?
452
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:56,699
I'll explain on the way.
453
00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:58,538
GUNK RICK:
This "Moon Tower," Morty,
454
00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,452
I[burps]s the perfect height
and metallic composition
455
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:03,043
for the a[burps]mplification
and beaming of toxic energies.
456
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,206
What do you think about that,
Marty?
457
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,499
Are you excited about that.
Marty?
458
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,043
Oh, man. I'm just freaked out.
I-It's too high up here.
459
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:09,257
Once I flip this switch,
460
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:12,047
the entire world is gonna
be just as toxic as us, baby.
461
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:14,592
[Electrical crackling]
462
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:21,227
As we praise
our loving Father --
463
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:23,972
God is a lie!
We made him up for money!
464
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,349
[Bells chiming]
465
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,148
[Laughter, squeaking]
466
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,521
Santa Claus isn't real.
467
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:34,274
You were all mistakes!
[Groans]
468
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,947
[Laughs]
We fuckin' did it, Morty.
469
00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:38,240
Put your fuckin' hands
in the air.
470
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,864
Yeah, you little piece of shit.
471
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:41,990
Remember me?
472
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,584
Didn't you learn last time
that you can't beat me?
473
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,498
Yeah, I did. And then I learned
something else.
474
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,247
-This.
-Aah! [Screams, moans]
475
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,794
That bullet is laced with
an encrypted nanobotic virus
476
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:53,589
that will disintegrate your
Morty in about, ah, 20 minutes.
477
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:54,586
You think I give a shit?
478
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:56,053
I know you give a shit, dummy.
479
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,217
Because I know I don't.
480
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,465
Here's another thing I know.
481
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,512
The decryption key
that neutralizes the virus.
482
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:01,851
You want it?
Come and get it.
483
00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:03,595
Merge with me and you'll know
how to save him.
484
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:04,971
Pm. Come on, man.
We been trapped
485
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,098
in your pussy brain
for 70 years of delusions,
486
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:10,102
but this is the all-time weakest
bluff that I've ever --
487
00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:12,229
Jesus Christ!
What are you doing?!
488
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,571
He's cutting your time in half.
489
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,315
-10 minutes.
-What is your problem?
490
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,488
Oh, I had all my problems
removed -- my entitlement,
491
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,452
my narcissism,
my crippling loneliness,
492
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:21,787
my irrational attachments.
493
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:23,623
They must be somewhere.
They ain't over here, bro.
494
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,116
I'm not going back in there!
495
00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:26,664
Honestly,
I don't care either way.
496
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:27,786
I hate having you in me.
497
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:29,412
And when I say "honestly"
you can believe it,
498
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,290
because we both know
I'm too healthy to lie.
499
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:32,756
-Watch.
-[Screams]
500
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,001
All right! Knock it off!
You're not impressing anyone.
501
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,969
Morty, not that I give a shit,
but are you okay?
502
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:38,964
-Jesus Christ, it hurts.
-Relax, quit your bitching.
503
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,011
Y-You're gonna be fine.
Grandpa's here.
504
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,599
-[Laughs]
-You think that's funny?
505
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,514
Y-You got to have a sense
of humor about these things.
506
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:45,728
Oh, wait, you can't.
507
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:48,063
You're literally incapable
of seeing the bigger picture.
508
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:49,682
I guess it's just funny
because you've never done
509
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,526
anything but complain
about me being in charge,
510
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:54,237
but if I ever gave you the wheel
we'd be dead in five minutes.
511
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,857
-Rick?
-You poor, dumb, sick animal.
512
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:57,903
[Weakly] Rick?
513
00:17:58,035 --> 00:18:00,151
Aah! Just do it!
514
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,029
Just do it, you piece of --
515
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,700
[Groans]
516
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:06,825
I'm back, baby! Regular Rick!
Master of both worlds!
517
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,201
Check it it out!
[Farts]
518
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:09,873
"Excuse me."
519
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,373
Now we'll just reverse
this hacky toxicity beam.
520
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,340
Man, I really overthink shit
when I'm angry.
521
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:17,176
[Electricity crackles,
powers down]
522
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:19,342
-[Moaning]
-Oh, give it to me.
523
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,805
Mm, ma-mah.
524
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,676
God is not a lie.
525
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:25,802
[Whoosh!]
526
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,771
[Bells chime]
527
00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:32,108
[Animalistic screeching]
528
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,567
[Wailing]
529
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:34,902
Mommy! Mommy!
530
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,362
Ha! All right, Morty,
531
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,276
now it's time we re-merge
your little ass.
532
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:39,319
You're a better man
than me, Rick.
533
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,783
I'm healthy
enough to admit that!
534
00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,118
That kid
is a real piece of shit.
535
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,658
Y-Y-You're gonna save me, right?
536
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,157
Part of me wanted to,
Toxic Morty.
537
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,876
Part of me really wanted to.
538
00:18:50,004 --> 00:18:51,460
[Car horn beeps]
539
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:53,296
I'm telling you,
these shares are hot. Yeah.
540
00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:55,381
That sounds like a good idea.
It's definitely a good idea.
541
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,796
MORTY: Duane, Duane, Duane,
I get it. Now can you get me?
542
00:18:57,928 --> 00:18:59,418
Have I ever lied to you?
543
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:02,673
That's right, and ask around,
I never do, Duane.
544
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,094
Let me put this real simple.
545
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:06,638
This stock is a beautiful
redhead, recently single,
546
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,138
not looking to date
but ready to fall in love,
547
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:11,605
and fate has put her locker
two down from yours, Duane --
548
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,771
two lockers down.
549
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,814
So step up or step off, Duane.
550
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:18,438
Blue pill or red pill,
what'll it be, bro?
551
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:22,158
Totally understand, Duane.
552
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:23,742
-You're the boss.
-[Phone beeps]
553
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:25,282
Heinholz Biotech --
554
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,246
million and a half
at thirty-three.
555
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,161
-[Cheers and applause]
-Heh.
556
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:31,250
You little fuckin' monster.
557
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:33,746
[Chopping]
558
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:34,837
[Crunch]
559
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:36,706
Mmm! Is this organic?
560
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,378
Mmm!
561
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,923
-[Cellphone vibrates]
-Go for Morty.
562
00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:42,796
JESSICA:
Hi, Morty. It's Jessica.
563
00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:45,173
Look, can we just talk
for a minute?
564
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,471
Is that how long it takes
for Rick to trace my location?
565
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,685
JESSICA: Come back, Morty.
I miss you.
566
00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:50,679
You miss the old me.
567
00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:52,146
You miss someone
that loved you so much,
568
00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:53,389
you never had to love 'em back.
569
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,982
JESSICA: How do you know
I don't want to love you?
570
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:57,443
-Because I'm not sick.
-Ex-girlfriend?
571
00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:58,732
Should I be jealous?
572
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,195
There's nothing
to be jealous of.
573
00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:01,610
I just realized
that I'm scheduled
574
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,074
to speak at that fundraiser
on our date night.
575
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,443
I can cancel.
576
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:06,990
We'll be together.
That's a date.
577
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:08,955
You are the perfect man.
578
00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:11,450
Oh, sweetie, I think you hit
the wrong button.
579
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:12,620
You didn't hang up.
580
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,710
Huh. How 'bout that?
581
00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:16,329
[Glass shatters]
582
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:19,207
[Mechanical whirring]
583
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,459
Sorry, tiny American Psycho.
584
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:23,711
Time to take the op[burps]posite
of your medicine.
585
00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:26,636
Do what you got to do.
[Screams]
586
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,054
Oh! Ow! Aah!
587
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,511
So, how do you feel, Morty?
588
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:34,105
-Ah, geez. I'm miserable.
-Am I good or what?
589
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,440
I guess it's worth it, though,
to know how much you care.
590
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,106
Care? Me?
Morty, I'm fine with you.
591
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,696
-I only did this for him.
-You lying bitch.
592
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,815
She kept coming to our house,
Morty, and kept asking me,
593
00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:45,237
"Did -- Did -- D-Did you get
a new Morty yet?"
594
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,906
Because you kept drunk-dialing
me and crying about it.
595
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,199
I wasn't crying!
596
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:50,366
Jacquelyn, I -
597
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:52,240
I-I-I wasn't who I said I was.
598
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,913
You weren't a 14-year-old boy
from the Midwest
599
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,752
who ran away from his family
and capitalized
600
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:59,498
on his lack of conscience
by becoming a stock broker?
601
00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:01,715
Oh. I guess I was pretty
up front about that, wasn't I?
602
00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:03,334
You were up front
about everything.
603
00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:04,677
You were my soul mate.
604
00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:08,423
Well...
N-Not anymore. I'll, um...
605
00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:09,924
Y-You can keep the apartment
606
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,846
and -- and -- and,
uh...the drones.
607
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:12,935
She can't keep the drones.
608
00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:14,428
They turn into
a little Voltron robot.
609
00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,555
They're awesome.
610
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:16,806
[Electrical whirring]
611
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,683
You can't keep the drones.
612
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,184
[School bell rings]
613
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,153
So, how was your date with Brad?
614
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,113
It wasn't a date.
We were just having lunch.
615
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:25,857
You guys are getting
back together, aren't you?
616
00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:27,324
Morty, I need your help
on an adventure.
617
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:28,659
Eh, "need" is a strong word.
618
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,529
We need door stops,
but a brick would work, too.
619
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:31,745
Okay.
620
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:34,161
Morty.
621
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:36,788
Good to have you back.
622
00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:40,003
Have you ever been peed on
before?
623
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,749
Oh, my God. Yum.
624
00:21:42,885 --> 00:21:46,344
♪ Hey, did you ever want to hold
a terrifold? ♪
625
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:48,088
♪ I got one right here ♪
626
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:49,635
♪ Grab my tam-flap' ♪
627
00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:50,802
♪ Squeeze it ♪
628
00:21:50,935 --> 00:21:53,222
♪ Grab it, squeeze it,
tug on my terri-flap ♪
629
00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:55,436
♪ Hey, I want to take you to ♪
630
00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,225
♪ The terrifold dance I
631
00:21:57,358 --> 00:22:00,396
♪ Wanna come with me?
You can grab my holdie-folds ♪
632
00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:02,110
♪ Squeeze 'em tight ♪
633
00:22:02,238 --> 00:22:03,569
♪ You son of a bitch ♪
634
00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:05,904
♪ Suck my holdie-flappy folds ♪
635
00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:08,570
♪ Lick my flappy foldie-holes ♪
636
00:22:08,702 --> 00:22:11,285
♪ My terri-flaps in your mouth ♪
637
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:13,654
I Suck my flaps,
you piece of shit ♪
638
00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:16,408
♪ [Echoes] Whoo ♪
639
00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:19,081
MAN: Although only a handful
of moon towers remain today,
640
00:22:19,213 --> 00:22:21,796
they were popular
in the late 19th century.
641
00:22:21,924 --> 00:22:24,382
An entire town could be
illuminated by...
642
00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:25,796
What the hell is this?
643
00:22:25,928 --> 00:22:27,464
[Beeps, hisses]
644
00:22:27,596 --> 00:22:29,052
-Sea Cucumber!
-[Tour guide screams]
645
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:31,297
Sea Cucumber!48554
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof