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1
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,250
RICK:
Morty?!
2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,249
-Morty!
-Rick?
3
00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:08,713
-RICK: Hey, Morty?!
-Rick?
4
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,504
Are you far away,
or are you inside something?
5
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:12,968
Is this a camera?
6
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:14,632
Is everything a camera?
7
00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:16,381
RICK:
Morty, the garage, Morty.
8
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,757
Come to the garage!
9
00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:21,094
-Morty?
-Rick? W-Where are you?
10
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,345
RICK:
On my work bench, Morty.
11
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:24,392
Are you invisible and you're
gonna, like, fart on me?
12
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,606
RICK:
Flip the pickle over.
13
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:26,724
What, I'm gonna touch it,
14
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,316
and you're gonna tell me it's
an alien dick or something.
15
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,186
RICK: Come on,
flip the pickle, Morty.
16
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:33,110
You're not gonna regret it.
The payoff is huge.
17
00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:35,233
I turned myself
into a pickle, Morty!
18
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,531
Boom! Big reveal --
I'm a pickle.
19
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:38,778
What do you think about that?
20
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,621
I turned myself into a pickle!
21
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,615
W-What are you just
staring at me for, bro?
22
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,537
I turned myself
into a pickle, Morty!
23
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:45,785
-And?
-And?
24
00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,332
What more do you want
tacked on to this?
25
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:50,126
I turned myself into a pickle,
and 9/11 was an inside job.
26
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:51,465
-Was it?
-Who cares, Morty?
27
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:53,254
Global acts of terrorism
happen every day.
28
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,344
Uh, here's something
that's never happened before --
29
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:56,712
I'm a pickle.
30
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:59,089
I'm Pickle Rick!
31
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:06,689
[Dramatic music plays]
32
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,511
Are you going to,
I mean, you know --
33
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,630
Is this the first part
of some kind of magic trick?
34
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,632
I don't do magic, Morty,
I do science.
35
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,384
One takes brains,
the other takes dark eyeliner.
36
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,682
Well, can you move?
Can you fly?
37
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,304
Wouldn't be much
of a pickle if I could.
38
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,354
All right, well, do pickles
live forever or --
39
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:53,603
Morty, stop digging for hidden
layers and just be impressed.
40
00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:55,150
-I'm a pickle.
-I-I'm just trying
41
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,864
to figure out
why you would do this --
42
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:58,232
why anyone would do this.
43
00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:00,780
The reason anyone would
do this is, if they could,
44
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,994
which they can't,
would be because they could,
45
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:03,988
-which they can't.
-[Door opens]
46
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,161
Morty, we have to get going,
or we're gonna be late.
47
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,954
-Where's your grandpa?
-RICK: Right here, sweetie.
48
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,542
-I'm a pickle!
-What?!
49
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,002
Why would you - Ugh!
50
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,621
Look, we're running late.
We have to go.
51
00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:13,919
W-Where are you guys going?
52
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,167
We have an appointment
downtown
53
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,216
that was set a week ago
and agreed upon by everyone,
54
00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:20,213
including you.
55
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:23,512
Oh, my God. Beth, oh,
it totally slipped my mind.
56
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,510
Geez, oh, man.
I'm a pickle.
57
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,853
I mean, I don't know
if I can -- Ooh, geez.
58
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,473
Rick, did you do this on purpose
to get out of family counseling?
59
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:31,974
-Morty!
-It's okay, Beth.
60
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,441
I understand Morty's suspicion.
61
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,106
I've misled him before.
62
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:37,570
Morty, turn me so we're
making eye contact.
63
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:41,321
Morty, I assure you,
I would never find a way
64
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,444
to get out of family therapy.
65
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,116
I hope my lack of fingers
doesn't prevent
66
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:46,864
the perception of my air quotes.
67
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,456
Can't you just turn yourself
back into a human?
68
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:49,620
Great question, Summer.
69
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:52,620
The unfortunate answer is
I did this to challenge myself.
70
00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,588
And it could take hours
or even days
71
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,957
before I'm able to figure out
how to return to human form.
72
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,676
But, I mean, you know,
your mom could put me
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00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:00,340
in a purse or a pocket,
you know,
74
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:01,462
if she really needs me to go.
75
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,714
Nobody needs anything.
Okay, it's fine.
76
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,432
I mean, you should just
stay here and figure out
77
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:06,846
how to stop being
a pickle, okay?
78
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:09,811
Hey, Rick, why is there
a syringe of mysterious fluid
79
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,226
hanging directly over you?
80
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,690
Also, why is the string
attached to it running through
81
00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,435
a pair of scissors
attached to a timer?
82
00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,937
And why is the timer set
to 10 minutes from now,
83
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,405
exactly when we would
have left for therapy?
84
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,692
Well, Morty, if you must know,
85
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:26,446
the syringe is completely
unrelated to this discussion
86
00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,322
and, therefore, does not warrant
further explanation.
87
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,950
Enough. Kids, it's time to go.
We don't want to be late.
88
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:32,451
W-W-What are you
doing there, Beth?
89
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:33,748
W-What are you doing there,
sweetie?
90
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,621
Well, I mean, you don't
want to get pierced by a needle
91
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,839
full of liquid unrelated
to your situation.
92
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,083
How's that gonna help?
93
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,425
Can't argue with that.
94
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,589
Great.
We'll see you later.
95
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:42,883
Hey, hey, be careful with that.
96
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:44,004
-It's for something else.
-[Car doors open, close]
97
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,176
-[Engine starts]
-It's really important,
98
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,139
so don't break it.
99
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,928
Okay, I may have fucked up here.
100
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,098
[Groans]
101
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,064
Dup, an ap, pap' ut,
dah, pap, pap, pap, pah.
102
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,808
T-T-Ta h, ta h.
103
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:59,403
[Blowing raspberries]
104
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:00,692
[Groans]
105
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:03,282
[Clicking tongue]
106
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,161
-[Cat meows]
-Oh, great.
107
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,406
Stupid cat.
108
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,124
[Cat sniffs, yowls]
109
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,492
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I know what it looks like
110
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,039
to you, Izzy,
but I'm not a snake!
111
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,583
I've seen the YouTube videos.
I know cats are scared
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00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:18,831
of cucumbers and pickles because
they think they're snakes.
113
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,298
-[Hisses]
-I'm not a snake!
114
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,667
I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle!
115
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:22,884
Whoa! [Grunts]
116
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:25,095
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
117
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:26,463
[Groans]
118
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,262
Oh, crap, that sun is bright.
119
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,476
Okay, come on.
120
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:32,891
This can't really be
the way I go out.
121
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,434
This is the mega-genius
equivalent
122
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,182
of dying on the toilet.
123
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,520
So hot.
124
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,362
This is how I'm gonna die.
125
00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:49,945
[Thunder rumbles]
126
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,994
Oh, God, moisture.
127
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,494
Oh, God, the moisture.
Dial it back, God.
128
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,496
Dial it back a little bit here!
129
00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,713
Oh! Oh.
130
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:01,047
[Gasping]
131
00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:03,042
[Grunting]
132
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:04,213
Oh, God!
133
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,337
Perpendicular, perpendicular!
134
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:07,929
Oh, shit!
135
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:10,140
Oh! Oh!
136
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,391
[Screaming]
137
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:17,310
[Grunting]
138
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,684
Oh!
139
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,280
[Squeaking]
140
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,447
Come on.
That's it.
141
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,570
Come get this delicious brine.
142
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:32,662
Aah!
143
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,657
-[Squeals]
-[Grunts]
144
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,704
[Muffled] Come on!
Come on, motherfucker!
145
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,043
Come on!
146
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,162
[Grunting]
147
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,212
[Loud crunch]
148
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,756
[Panting]
149
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,270
Yes!
150
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,565
How is this even family therapy
151
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,029
if Dad's not invited
and Grandpa won't come?
152
00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,239
Yeah, and what's courageous
about eating a hot dog?
153
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,575
It's nobody's choice
to be here, you knobs.
154
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,321
The family was told to get
counseling by your principal,
155
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,072
even though it's not
the family that was
156
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,540
huffing pottery glaze
in the art room
157
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,285
and desk wetting
in history class.
158
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:21,162
-[Door opens]
-Oh, the Smith family,
159
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,538
minus a dad.
160
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:24,381
You're patients
of Dr. Wong, too?
161
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,375
Temporarily --
by order of the school.
162
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,469
Me too. How long have
you all been eating poop?
163
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,924
We...have never...eaten poop.
164
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,516
Uh, me, neither.
165
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:38,683
Say, where did my family
get off to? [Chuckles]
166
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,476
Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong.
167
00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:42,020
Come on in.
168
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:49,031
I was told there was a grandpa
that might be joining us?
169
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:50,991
He got wrapped up
in an experiment.
170
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,735
He's a scientist.
171
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:55,078
Like, legit,
like on a an inter-galactic,
172
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,742
sci-fi level.
His work is very --
173
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,081
He turned himself into a pickle.
174
00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,291
Morty, Mom's talking.
I'm sorry.
175
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,206
I suppose that's a good segue
176
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,626
into our little
discipline cases here.
177
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,466
Does Grandpa turn himself
into a pickle a lot?
178
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,507
What?! No!
What kind of question is that?
179
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:13,472
The kind that wasn't designed to
attack or hurt you in any way.
180
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,841
Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these.
181
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:19,265
No, my father has never turned
himself into a pickle before.
182
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,559
He's unpredictable
and eccentric.
183
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,807
The whole family is.
Speaking of which...
184
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,777
Okay, let's open things up
to the whole family,
185
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,942
and let me ask this.
186
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:32,112
Why do we think Grandpa
turned himself into a pickle?
187
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:36,070
[Sawing]
188
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:41,037
[Sighs]
189
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:43,206
Wow. Ugh!
190
00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,163
[Snarling]
191
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,540
Hey, listen, I know this
is your world, not mine.
192
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,259
The sooner I can get out,
the sooner I can go back
193
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:53,550
to taking big craps, and you can
go back to subsisting on them.
194
00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:55,885
You are one driven rat.
195
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:59,851
Could you be
a little more driven?
196
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,721
To the right.
197
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,685
Yes, yes, yes!
198
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,775
Come on, come on, come on!
Fresh, fresh, fresh!
199
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,769
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
was this your friend?
200
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,771
Don't worry, he died
doing what he loved,
201
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,363
being a dumb fucking rat.
202
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,028
[Grunts]
203
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:17,611
[Snarling, screeching]
204
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,579
[Dramatic music plays]
205
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,928
Oh, yeah!
206
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,013
[Grunting]
207
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,350
[Laughs]
208
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:44,600
[Rats squealing]
209
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,277
[Grunting]
210
00:08:58,413 --> 00:08:59,903
Aaaah!
211
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,622
I didn't say
my father is perfect,
212
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,081
I said his work is important.
213
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,916
And she's saying
what's important is
214
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,956
that Grandpa lied to you
to get out of coming here.
215
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:08,044
Oh, he did not!
216
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,538
Let's do an experiment here.
217
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,915
I get the impression
this family values science.
218
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,168
So raise your hand
if you feel certain
219
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,045
you know what was
in the syringe.
220
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:19,594
Raise your hand
if you know for certain
221
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,809
the syringe does not
contain anti-pickle serum.
222
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,017
Beth, your hand did
a little thing there.
223
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,435
Do you really not see
what's happening here?
224
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,433
-Tell me.
-Well, Dr. Wong -
225
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,025
by the way, racist name -
226
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,145
obviously, Morty and Summer
are seizing on your
227
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,397
arbitrary pickle obsession
as an end run
228
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,615
around what was supposed
to be their therapy.
229
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:40,987
Oh, I think this pickle incident
is a better path than any other
230
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,988
to the heart of
your family's dysfunction.
231
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,865
I think it's possible
that you and your father
232
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,163
have a very specific dynamic.
233
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:48,251
I don't think it's one
234
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:50,120
that rewards emotion
or vulnerability.
235
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,496
I think it may punish them.
236
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:54,170
I think it's possible that
dynamic eroded your marriage
237
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:56,088
and is infecting
your kids with a tendency
238
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,837
to misdirect their feelings.
239
00:09:59,140 --> 00:09:59,925
Fuck you.
240
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:00,923
-Mom!
-Mom!
241
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,015
Fuck both of you, too.
242
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:04,009
[Snarling]
243
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:06,352
By the way, you might notice
that in spite of
244
00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:08,142
your numerous
distinctive features
245
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:11,733
[growls] I never gave you a name
like Scar or Stripe or Goliath.
246
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:14,193
That's because, to me,
you aren't special.
247
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,484
You were special to rats.
Now they're dead.
248
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,903
I guess it was me
you should have impressed.
249
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:20,696
God damn it, I love myself.
250
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:33,376
Pickle Rick!
251
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,427
[Grunting]
252
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,391
[Sighs]
253
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,727
[Grunting]
254
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:50,018
Get that parkour.
Get that parkour!
255
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,686
[Grunts]
256
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,400
[Elevator dings]
257
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,984
-[All gasp]
-Hey, it's cool.
258
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,228
Just need to find
the nearest exit.
259
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:57,900
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
No need to freak out.
260
00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,739
[Shouting in Russian]
261
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:00,778
Whoa!
262
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,275
[Panting]
263
00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:04,403
Who in the fuck's toilet
is this?
264
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:07,372
[Alarm blaring]
265
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,373
What is it?
266
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,872
[Russian accent]
A pickle? A rat? Both.
267
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,419
[Russian accent]
It says it's a scientist.
268
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:17,712
Where is it?
269
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,551
It seems to be
using the air ducts
270
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,169
and the mail tubes
to get around.
271
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,843
It's been gathering
office supplies, we think,
272
00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:25,136
to build weaponry.
273
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,680
But look what it did
on the mezzanine.
274
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:31,646
It transferred a bottle from
the trash to the recycling bin.
275
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:35,233
Whatever this thing is,
it's shaming us.
276
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,819
We have 34 armed guards,
and we can't kill a pickle?
277
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,813
32 armed guards.
278
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,610
He killed two.
279
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:42,778
It's on the phone.
280
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:45,699
Put him on, and locate
the phone he's using.
281
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,116
-[Phone beeps]
-Hello.
282
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:50,115
RICK: Hi, um, can you, uh
[belches] please let me out?
283
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,741
Your mere presence
in this building
284
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,619
violates international law.
285
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,747
I couldn't let you out even
if you hadn't killed two men.
286
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,999
You should know
those men killed themselves.
287
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,751
PAVEL:
And how is that?
288
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,753
RICK: They didn't
[belches] let me out.
289
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:03,594
Solen'ya.
290
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,054
Shut your mouth
and do your jobs,
291
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,139
you fucking children!
292
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,099
Uh, is this not
a good time or...
293
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,811
Some of my men
are calling you "Solen'ya” --
294
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:14,148
the Pickle Man,
an old wives' tale.
295
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,765
He crawls from
bowls of cold soup
296
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,018
to steal the dreams
of wasteful children.
297
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,565
RICK:
That'd be a lucky break for you.
298
00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:20,812
Go, shoot to kill.
299
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:23,323
Aaah!
300
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,911
[Both scream]
301
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,661
[Gunfire in distance]
302
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:36,961
[Russian accent]
We got him.
303
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,000
-Ah.
304
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:38,997
RICK:
Because this pickle
305
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:41,170
doesn't care about
your children.
306
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:43,384
And I'm not gonna
take their dreams.
307
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:46,301
I'm gonna take their parents.
308
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:47,763
[Beeping]
309
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,348
[Whirring]
310
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,150
[Whirring]
311
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,190
[Screaming]
312
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,823
Solen'ya!
He's coming!
313
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,534
It's because I threw
halfway my sandwich!
314
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,323
He's just a pickle!
315
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:10,490
He's a monster.
316
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,205
He's not the only one.
317
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:13,865
[Beep]
318
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:25,215
You can stay dead to the world
and die in this room.
319
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:29,340
Or you can kill a pickle for me
and earn your freedom.
320
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:33,594
There is no freedom while
your leader breathes.
321
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,767
Our country is a prison.
322
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:37,605
Then Catarina is a prisoner.
323
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:40,101
Perhaps I could arrange
her escape, as well.
324
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,728
She lives, Jaguar.
325
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,235
Where is this pickle?
326
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,529
What do you think is
in the syringe, Beth?
327
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,244
You're the one that costs
$200 an hour. You tell me.
328
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,783
-Anti-pickle serum.
-It's anti-pickle serum.
329
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,782
Your kids think it might be
anti-pickle serum.
330
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:59,536
My kids pee their desks
and suck on unbaked vases.
331
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,663
They're just angry at me
for divorcing their father.
332
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,210
I never said I was angry at you.
333
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,459
That's the point of
pottery-enamel huffing, Summer.
334
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,085
You do it so you
don't have to say,
335
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,132
"I'm angry at Mommy," out loud.
336
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,801
Oh, my God!
Oh, there --
337
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,924
there's pictures of people
eating poop in there!
338
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:16,804
It's not my job to take sides
or pass judgment.
339
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,306
Do you think when your father
asks for that syringe,
340
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:20,147
you could ask him -
341
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,562
He won't have to
ask for it, okay?
342
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,776
He won't need it.
He'll just make more.
343
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:26,067
He doesn't need
anything from anyone.
344
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,531
You admire him for that.
345
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:30,734
It's better than
making your problems
346
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,235
other people's problems.
347
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,363
[Whirring]
348
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:49,253
[Screams]
349
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,300
Oh, come on!
[Grunts]
350
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,268
[Screams]
351
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,512
[Groans]
352
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,481
[Sighs]
353
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:04,772
Pickle Man, you should
know this isn't personal!
354
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,360
You should know
that isn't original.
355
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:07,445
They have my daughter.
356
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,530
There's nothing I won't do
to see her again.
357
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,775
Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do
to see my daughter,
358
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,572
but killing you gets me
to her quicker
359
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,365
than your derivative bullshit.
360
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:17,114
[Groaning]
361
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,288
[Both screaming]
362
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,206
I never bullshit, Pickle Man.
363
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,420
This can only end
with one of us dead,
364
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:25,960
and I have never died.
365
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,878
That will be your
downfall, Jaguar,
366
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,172
not being open
to new experiences.
367
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,173
[Gunfire]
368
00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,853
Is it done?
369
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,271
Jaguar?!
370
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,144
RICK:
Jaguar couldn't make it.
371
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,315
PAVEL:
Do it.
372
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,610
Okay, you win, Pickle Man.
373
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,027
I'm unsealing the building.
374
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,697
RICK: No, thanks.
I'm coming for you now.
375
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:57,321
Pickle Man, there's
$100 million worth of bonds
376
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,697
in a safe on level two.
377
00:15:58,833 --> 00:15:59,948
I'll give you the combination.
378
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,916
That money belongs
to the people.
379
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,160
Shut up and call me
a helicopter, you prick!
380
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,287
Do we have a deal?!
381
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:07,289
RICK: Take that money,
give it to Jaguar's daughter
382
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:08,415
when you set her free.
383
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:09,712
Or I'll be visiting you.
384
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:11,300
PAVEL:
Jaguar's daughter is dead.
385
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,544
Huh, so you're a liar.
386
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,091
Jaguar was an. animal.
387
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,679
You're an intelligent pickle.
388
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,094
We can do business.
389
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,183
RICK: I don't think so.
See you soon.
390
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,552
-Is the helicopter here?
-Yes.
391
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,100
And the police are on the way.
What do we tell them?
392
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,188
-Ooh!
-Aah!
393
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,978
Tell them we were robbed.
394
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,520
[Helicopter blades whirring]
395
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,818
Hey!
Hey, what are you doing?!
396
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,406
I'm right here!
397
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,007
Farewell, Solen'ya.
398
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,884
F-158 are scrambled.
399
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,383
This helicopter will be
shot down in seven minutes.
400
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,930
Well, my daughter
is about five away,
401
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,678
and I've got about
eight to live.
402
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,054
Pickle Man, it's too late
for me to tell my daughter
403
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,807
I love her, but not for you.
404
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:08,183
Oh, well, uh, she knows.
405
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:10,060
I mean, we don't really
buy into that kind of crap.
406
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,527
To the extent that love
is an expression
407
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:14,239
of familiarity over time,
my access to infinite timelines
408
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,028
precludes the necessity
of attachment.
409
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,492
In fact, I even abandoned
one of my infinite daughters
410
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:22,489
in an alternate version of earth
that was taken over by mutants.
411
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,957
Okay.
Good luck with that.
412
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,043
Wait. Do I have
infinite daughters?
413
00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:30,129
Huh? Uh, no.
No, nope, sorry about that.
414
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,544
Nope, just me.
415
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:34,129
Yeesh!
416
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,095
417
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:39,714
Am...
418
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,386
afraid...
419
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:42,930
that my kids will get expelled.
420
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,427
Good.
Summer, you go.
421
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,805
I am mad...
422
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:48,807
that I can't huff enamel
423
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:51,810
without people assuming
it's because my family sucks.
424
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:55,359
I hope to be seen one day
425
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,277
as someone that just
likes getting high.
426
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,241
Good job.
427
00:17:58,369 --> 00:18:00,155
Morty, do you have
an "I" statement?
428
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:03,656
I am sad...
429
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:04,952
that I peed.
430
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:08,543
I'm sad that I peed in class
instead of a toilet.
431
00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:11,754
Look at this family go.
You guys are pros.
432
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:14,840
What do you guys think about
doing this once a week?
433
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:17,877
Ugh.
434
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,304
[Grunts]
435
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,473
[Groans]
436
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,346
-You must be Rick.
-Mm-hmm.
437
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:28,971
I've heard a lot
about you today.
438
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,019
Your family is crazy about you.
439
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:32,734
Your daughter holds you
in very high regard.
440
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,148
You're a lucky fella.
441
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,066
Yeah, thank you.
Uh, sweetie, you don't still
442
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,780
happen to have that syringe
in your purse?
443
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,278
Dad...
444
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:47,829
I would like you to tell me
what's in the syringe.
445
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,999
It's a serum that I need to,
uh -- to stay alive.
446
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,964
I have had a rough day.
447
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:58,335
And, uh, I've sustained
a lot of damage.
448
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,338
I'm pretty close to death,
which the serum will prevent.
449
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,761
By changing you from
a pickle to a human.
450
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:05,508
Yes.
451
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,602
Rick, why did you lie
to your daughter?
452
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,847
So I wouldn't have to come here.
453
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,098
Why didn't you want
to come here?
454
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,646
Because I don't respect therapy,
because I'm a scientist.
455
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,861
Because I invent, transform,
create, and destroy
456
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,445
for a living, and when
I don't like something
457
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:19,735
about the world, I change it.
458
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,824
And I don't think going to
a rented office in a strip mall
459
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:23,818
to listen to some
agent of averageness
460
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:25,661
explain which words
mean which feelings
461
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,246
has ever helped
anyone do anything.
462
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:28,911
I think it's helped a lot
of people get comfortable
463
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,875
and stop panicking,
which is a state of mind
464
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,744
[burps] we value
in the animals we eat
465
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,462
but not something
I want for myself.
466
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,705
I'm not a cow.
467
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,798
I'm a pickle --
when I feel like it.
468
00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:40,544
So...you asked.
469
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,887
Rick, the only
connection between
470
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,222
your unquestionable intelligence
and the sickness
471
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:48,139
destroying your family
is that everyone in your family,
472
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:51,729
you included, use intelligence
to justify sickness.
473
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,315
You seem to alternate
between viewing your own mind
474
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:58,152
as an unstoppable force
and as an inescapable curse.
475
00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,691
And I think
it's because the only
476
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:01,815
truly unapproachable
concept for you
477
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:04,818
is that it's your mind
within your control.
478
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,615
You chose to come here.
479
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:09,489
You chose to talk,
to belittle my vocation,
480
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,787
just as you chose
to become a pickle.
481
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,830
You are the master
of your universe,
482
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,546
and yet you are dripping
with rat blood and feces,
483
00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:19,837
your enormous mind literally
vegetating by your own hand.
484
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:22,506
I have no doubt that
you would be bored senseless
485
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:25,255
by therapy, the same way
I'm bored when I brush my teeth
486
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:26,552
and wipe my ass.
487
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:28,470
Because the thing
about repairing,
488
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:32,266
maintaining, and cleaning is
it's not an adventure.
489
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,685
There's no way to do it
so wrong, you might die.
490
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,273
It's just work.
491
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:37,358
And the bottom line is,
492
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:40,945
some people are okay going
to work, and some people...
493
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,314
well, some people
would rather die.
494
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,988
Each of us gets to choose.
495
00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:49,863
-[Watch beeps]
-That's our time.
496
00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:51,239
I'm going to
give you guys my card
497
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:52,410
and hope to hear
from you again.
498
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:54,284
And if you have any friends
or family that eat poop
499
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:57,082
and would like to stop,
give them my number.
500
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,291
Um---
501
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,418
I'm sorry I lied
to get out of the thing.
502
00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:05,591
-I - I shouldn't lie to you.
-Oh, it's fine.
503
00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:08,010
I mean, thank you,
and, yeah, you shouldn't.
504
00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,803
But I hope you know
that's not what
505
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,517
that session was supposed to be.
506
00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:14,103
Oh, no, I mean, I know
it was Morty peeing his pants
507
00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:15,972
and Summer snorting glue
or whatever...
508
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,018
[Beth laughs]
509
00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:19,939
She huffed enamel, and we never
even talked about it.
510
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:21,185
RICK: Well, there was
so much more at stake.
511
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:22,278
[Beth laughs]
512
00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:25,444
RICK: I mean, that shrink,
what a monologuist.
513
00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:28,985
Are we gonna go back?
514
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,907
Sweetie, could I get --
get that syringe now?
515
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,281
Oh, my God, yes!
Dad, it's in my purse.
516
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,283
Oh, I'm sorry.
You must be in agony.
517
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:36,580
Eh.
518
00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,747
[Groans]
519
00:21:40,883 --> 00:21:43,250
[Coughing]
520
00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:44,216
Jesus.
521
00:21:44,345 --> 00:21:45,585
[Coughs]
522
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:48,088
Jesus Christ.
Therapists, man.
523
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:49,510
Weird breed.
524
00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:51,224
Man, I missed having hands...
525
00:21:51,352 --> 00:21:54,185
and blood and a stomach.
526
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:55,644
We should get a drink.
527
00:21:55,773 --> 00:21:57,104
Really?
Like, go somewhere?
528
00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:59,691
Yeah, let's drop the kids off
and go tie one on.
529
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:01,435
Absolutely.
530
00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:03,978
I-I liked her.
531
00:22:04,114 --> 00:22:07,072
So what are you thinking,
like, Smokey's Tavern?
532
00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:08,066
Maybe Shoney's?
533
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:10,113
Yeah, either one.
Either one.
534
00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:13,955
[Dramatic music plays]
535
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:44,397
RICK: You'll never get away
with this, Concerto.
536
00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:46,567
That is where you're mistaken,
Mr. Sanchez.
537
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:50,317
This shall be my greatest
performance of all time!
538
00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:52,193
["Moonlight Sonata" plays]
539
00:22:52,913 --> 00:22:54,403
RICK: This is it, Morty.
We're goners.
540
00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:55,530
We're not getting
out of this one.
541
00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:56,997
After everything
we've been through,
542
00:22:57,126 --> 00:22:58,161
this is how we're gonna die.
543
00:22:58,294 --> 00:22:59,750
Make peace with your god.
544
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:01,745
Oh, geez, Rick,
I-I-I don't want to die!
545
00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:04,839
And now for the E-splat!
546
00:23:04,967 --> 00:23:06,298
[Grunts]
547
00:23:07,261 --> 00:23:08,046
Jaguar!
548
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:14,257
Who -- Who was that, Rick?
549
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:17,181
That, Morty, is why
you don't go to therapy.
39445
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