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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,384 --> 00:00:02,678 โ™ช It seems today that all you see โ™ช 2 00:00:02,678 --> 00:00:06,015 โ™ช Is violence in movies and sex on TV โ™ช 3 00:00:06,015 --> 00:00:09,476 โ™ช But where are those good old-fashioned values โ™ช 4 00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:12,688 [all] โ™ช On which we used to rely? โ™ช 5 00:00:12,688 --> 00:00:15,941 โ™ช Lucky there's a family guy โ™ช 6 00:00:15,941 --> 00:00:19,403 โ™ช Lucky there's a man who positively can do โ™ช 7 00:00:19,403 --> 00:00:20,988 โ™ช All the things that make us โ™ช 8 00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:22,823 โ™ช Laugh and cry! โ™ช 9 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:27,870 [all] โ™ช He's a family guy! โ™ช 10 00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:34,001 All right, now remember, we're trash, 11 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:35,669 so no dressing rooms for us. 12 00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:38,630 The Griffins are proud middle-of-the-aisle try-on people. 13 00:00:39,423 --> 00:00:41,467 Take a look, I don't care. 14 00:00:41,467 --> 00:00:43,177 Brian, I found our costume! 15 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,845 We're gonna be Sonny and Cher! 16 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,555 And either one of us could be Cher, I don't care-- 17 00:00:46,555 --> 00:00:47,765 I guess I'll be Cher. 18 00:00:47,765 --> 00:00:49,099 How do you know I don't already have plans 19 00:00:49,099 --> 00:00:51,143 -for Halloween? -You do have plans. 20 00:00:51,143 --> 00:00:53,604 You're dressing as Sonny and trick-or-treating with me. 21 00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,440 If you come near me, 22 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,817 -you're saying you're okay with getting hit! -[both gasp] 23 00:00:58,817 --> 00:01:02,362 Yeah, everybody has a plan until they see the husky kid 24 00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:05,074 in the Halloween store going absolutely nuts 25 00:01:05,074 --> 00:01:06,325 with nunchucks! 26 00:01:06,325 --> 00:01:08,077 [yells] 27 00:01:12,247 --> 00:01:13,707 This pumpkin's huge! 28 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,667 -How'd you get it so big? -Giggity. 29 00:01:15,667 --> 00:01:17,544 You guys promise not to laugh? 30 00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:18,837 -Oh, yeah, yeah. -Yes. 31 00:01:18,837 --> 00:01:20,214 I wished for it. 32 00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:22,257 [laughing] 33 00:01:22,257 --> 00:01:23,675 I knew you guys would laugh, 34 00:01:23,675 --> 00:01:26,178 but I also tended to it for months. 35 00:01:26,178 --> 00:01:28,263 My only question is, why? 36 00:01:28,263 --> 00:01:29,765 Every year, I enter Quahog's 37 00:01:29,765 --> 00:01:31,433 Great Pumpkin Halloween Contest 38 00:01:31,433 --> 00:01:34,895 and get creamed by that dang Patrick McCloskey. 39 00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,772 Guy's got the best soil in town. 40 00:01:36,772 --> 00:01:38,148 He's over there on the east side. 41 00:01:38,148 --> 00:01:39,566 You know what that means. 42 00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:40,776 I think you know we don't. 43 00:01:40,776 --> 00:01:42,903 Closer to the coast, more moisture. 44 00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,404 Should really be two contests, 45 00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:46,156 one for each side of town. 46 00:01:46,156 --> 00:01:48,325 I think one's the right amount of contests. 47 00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:49,493 Patrick McCloskey? 48 00:01:49,493 --> 00:01:51,036 Why do I know that name? 49 00:01:51,036 --> 00:01:52,996 Wait, weren't there weird rumors about him and Bonnie? 50 00:01:52,996 --> 00:01:54,331 No, it's just the pumpkin thing. 51 00:01:58,043 --> 00:01:59,586 We are going to be such a thing 52 00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:00,754 at trick-or-treating. 53 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:01,839 I'd honestly be Sonny 54 00:02:01,839 --> 00:02:03,757 if I wasn't exactly Cher's size. 55 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:05,217 I'm going to take this costume off. 56 00:02:05,217 --> 00:02:07,010 Not yet, it's time for choreo! 57 00:02:07,010 --> 00:02:09,096 That's choreography. Did you know that? 58 00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,931 Stewie, I can't just spend all day doing-- 59 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,933 So it's rock left, rock right, 60 00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:15,310 right elbow into chest, half-air bump, 61 00:02:15,310 --> 00:02:17,938 left elbow into chest, half-air bump. 62 00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:19,189 Say it with me. 63 00:02:19,189 --> 00:02:21,066 [together] Rock left, rock right, 64 00:02:21,066 --> 00:02:23,652 right elbow into chest, half-air bump. 65 00:02:23,652 --> 00:02:25,571 You're off tempo. 66 00:02:25,571 --> 00:02:27,322 -Rock left, rock right... -Left... right... 67 00:02:27,322 --> 00:02:29,950 -...right elbow into chest, half-air bump. -Chest... half... 68 00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,577 -Bump. -You're off tempo, again. 69 00:02:31,577 --> 00:02:33,412 I'm starting to think you don't really want this. 70 00:02:33,412 --> 00:02:34,580 I don't want this. 71 00:02:34,580 --> 00:02:36,290 Brian, do you know how many Puerto Rican men 72 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,792 came here in giant sweatpants to audition for me? 73 00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:40,377 You're taking this too far. 74 00:02:40,377 --> 00:02:42,671 I'm not getting bossed around by you for the next two days. 75 00:02:42,671 --> 00:02:44,840 Well, now you know how Cher felt about Sonny. 76 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,842 [sighs] I knew it was just a matter of time 77 00:02:46,842 --> 00:02:48,468 until we became the two of them. 78 00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:50,012 You look ridiculous, by the way. 79 00:02:50,012 --> 00:02:51,221 How dare you? 80 00:02:51,221 --> 00:02:53,974 Rupert thinks I look amazing. 81 00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:56,185 Well, great. Rupert can be Sonny because I'm done. 82 00:02:56,185 --> 00:02:57,478 I'm not taking you trick-or-treating. 83 00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:58,770 I'm going to hang out with my friends. 84 00:02:58,770 --> 00:03:00,772 Oh, your "friends," huh? Name one. 85 00:03:00,772 --> 00:03:03,066 -Shut up. -Oh, yeah, "Shut Up," great guy. 86 00:03:03,066 --> 00:03:04,776 I hate you! 87 00:03:04,776 --> 00:03:06,486 God, Brian's such a jerk. 88 00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:08,197 "Have Rupert be Sonny." 89 00:03:08,197 --> 00:03:10,407 You know what? Maybe I will. 90 00:03:10,407 --> 00:03:11,492 And here's your stupid 91 00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:13,410 very-real-feeling mustache back. 92 00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,204 Where do you even get something like this? 93 00:03:15,204 --> 00:03:17,039 Don't worry about where I got it. 94 00:03:17,039 --> 00:03:18,248 [Tom] Hello? 95 00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:19,291 Where am I? 96 00:03:20,042 --> 00:03:21,043 Is anybody there? 97 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:26,632 [screaming] No! 98 00:03:32,054 --> 00:03:34,097 You guys are big fact guys, right? 99 00:03:34,097 --> 00:03:37,017 I read Native Americans used every part of the pumpkin. 100 00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:40,229 It provided many gifts. Clothing, soap, tools. 101 00:03:40,229 --> 00:03:42,439 Pumpkins were even honored as relatives 102 00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:44,816 and paid tribute to through songs, 103 00:03:44,816 --> 00:03:46,443 dance, and prayers. 104 00:03:46,443 --> 00:03:50,447 I am 100% sure it's the buffalo to which you are referring. 105 00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:52,532 Let's see how the little guy's doing. 106 00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:56,161 A dark-eyed junco? 107 00:03:56,161 --> 00:03:57,913 That's a pumpkin death sentence! 108 00:03:57,913 --> 00:03:59,122 Scram, scram! 109 00:03:59,122 --> 00:04:00,457 Get out of there! Bonnie? 110 00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:03,460 [over intercom] You out there? Get the broom! 111 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,379 What were we talking about? Pumpkins? 112 00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,047 Shut up about the pumpkin! 113 00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:08,715 I might give Bon a quick call. 114 00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:10,467 Make sure she knows she's on bird duty. 115 00:04:11,927 --> 00:04:14,554 I apologize for my outburst. 116 00:04:14,554 --> 00:04:16,056 It's something I'm working on. 117 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,557 No apology necessary. 118 00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:20,102 I've had about all I can take of this stupid pumpkin. 119 00:04:20,102 --> 00:04:21,853 Hey, what if we hid Joe's pumpkin 120 00:04:21,853 --> 00:04:24,189 before it gets picked up for the fair tomorrow morning? 121 00:04:24,189 --> 00:04:26,358 -I'm way in. -Great idea, Peter. 122 00:04:26,358 --> 00:04:28,277 It's just a standard plan of attack. 123 00:04:28,277 --> 00:04:30,779 Something I picked up when I served at Fort Bragg. 124 00:04:30,779 --> 00:04:33,365 I once hit three homers in a wiffle ball game. 125 00:04:33,365 --> 00:04:34,783 Why are you telling me this? 126 00:04:34,783 --> 00:04:35,909 Fort Bragg. 127 00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,869 You're going to the war tomorrow. 128 00:04:37,869 --> 00:04:39,913 -Where is it? -Afghanistan. 129 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,165 I've been there, like, four times, no big deal. 130 00:04:42,874 --> 00:04:44,293 [thunder crashes] 131 00:04:52,884 --> 00:04:55,304 All right, Rupert, prepare to be brought to life 132 00:04:55,304 --> 00:04:57,264 to be my Sonny for Halloween. 133 00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:58,515 Oop, almost forgot. 134 00:05:02,394 --> 00:05:04,896 And finally, this metal-studded dog collar 135 00:05:04,896 --> 00:05:06,106 to conduct electricity, 136 00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:07,691 and not because it's my biggest kink. 137 00:05:12,696 --> 00:05:14,448 [Meg] Did the Internet just go out? 138 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:15,699 It won't be long! 139 00:05:15,699 --> 00:05:17,326 [Chris] Yeah, it's out. 140 00:05:17,326 --> 00:05:19,661 Guys, you can go, like, two seconds without the Internet! 141 00:05:21,246 --> 00:05:22,622 [electricity crackling] 142 00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:26,460 [thunder crashing] 143 00:05:30,339 --> 00:05:31,965 [crackling intensifies] 144 00:05:46,063 --> 00:05:47,314 It's not alive. 145 00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,483 It's not alive! 146 00:05:53,403 --> 00:05:54,863 [Chris] Internet's back for me. 147 00:05:54,863 --> 00:05:57,866 [Meg] Me too. Reebok.com, baby! 148 00:05:57,866 --> 00:05:59,117 [sighs] 149 00:06:01,203 --> 00:06:02,287 [thunder crashes] 150 00:06:02,287 --> 00:06:04,122 One, two, three! 151 00:06:04,122 --> 00:06:06,583 [all grunting] 152 00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:08,543 -Where are we taking this? -I don't know. 153 00:06:08,543 --> 00:06:10,420 What? I thought you had a plan! 154 00:06:10,420 --> 00:06:12,464 Yeah, the plan, which everyone loved, 155 00:06:12,464 --> 00:06:13,840 was to hide the pumpkin. 156 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,009 Oh, for crying out loud. 157 00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:17,719 Am I the only one who can make plans? 158 00:06:17,719 --> 00:06:19,429 I have decision fatigue. 159 00:06:20,138 --> 00:06:21,556 -[both gasp] -Uh-oh. 160 00:06:21,556 --> 00:06:22,974 We wrecked Joe's pumpkin. 161 00:06:22,974 --> 00:06:24,643 And my sneakers! 162 00:06:24,643 --> 00:06:25,894 [thunder crashes] 163 00:06:26,728 --> 00:06:28,021 Cleveland, are you-- 164 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,231 Are those Yeezys? 165 00:06:29,231 --> 00:06:30,649 They're cheaper now. 166 00:06:33,568 --> 00:06:34,569 [thunder crashes] 167 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:36,530 Rupert? 168 00:06:37,239 --> 00:06:38,240 Rupert? 169 00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:41,201 Rupert, you awake? 170 00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,494 Oh, good, you are. 171 00:06:42,494 --> 00:06:43,745 Yes, it's about Brian. 172 00:06:43,745 --> 00:06:44,996 He was so mean. 173 00:06:44,996 --> 00:06:47,624 I can't believe he just ditched me on Halloween. 174 00:06:47,624 --> 00:06:50,001 He's my best friend, and this is how he treats me. 175 00:06:50,001 --> 00:06:51,086 I hate him. 176 00:06:51,086 --> 00:06:52,587 Seriously, I wish he were dead. 177 00:06:52,587 --> 00:06:54,339 I mean it, no takesies-backsies. 178 00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,174 Good night, Rupert. 179 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:58,677 Rupert? 180 00:06:58,677 --> 00:06:59,845 Rupert, you awake? 181 00:06:59,845 --> 00:07:00,971 Oh, good, you're awake. 182 00:07:00,971 --> 00:07:01,972 Good night. 183 00:07:03,014 --> 00:07:04,015 [snores] 184 00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:09,521 [thunder crashes] 185 00:07:09,521 --> 00:07:11,898 Dear Stewie, you've given me life, 186 00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:14,276 and some would say I'm indebted to you. 187 00:07:14,276 --> 00:07:16,361 Well, I don't know if all that's true, 188 00:07:16,361 --> 00:07:20,282 but you've got me, and, baby, I've got you. 189 00:07:20,282 --> 00:07:23,702 [laughing] 190 00:07:23,702 --> 00:07:26,663 And now to fulfill your wish, 191 00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:30,459 I must kill Brian. 192 00:07:30,459 --> 00:07:34,379 But first, I must kill this bag of Doritos. 193 00:07:34,379 --> 00:07:37,174 [announcer] Family Guy. It was either this or we fire three writers. 194 00:07:47,490 --> 00:07:48,658 Step aside. 195 00:07:48,658 --> 00:07:50,660 Now, let's remember, it's just a pumpkin. 196 00:07:50,660 --> 00:07:51,745 [gun cocks] 197 00:07:54,039 --> 00:07:56,416 No, no, no! We can put it back together. 198 00:07:56,416 --> 00:07:58,043 Are you telling me you can do 199 00:07:58,043 --> 00:08:00,545 what the Humpty Dumpty crew couldn't? 200 00:08:00,545 --> 00:08:02,672 I-- I never got to the end of that. 201 00:08:02,672 --> 00:08:04,633 And you have no king's horses, 202 00:08:04,633 --> 00:08:07,260 and they had all the King's horses. 203 00:08:07,260 --> 00:08:10,388 I'm not sure how much horses can help fix a broken egg guy. 204 00:08:10,388 --> 00:08:12,599 Yeah, good luck with those hooves. 205 00:08:12,599 --> 00:08:13,767 [groans] 206 00:08:13,767 --> 00:08:15,060 Well, I'm finished. 207 00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:17,562 May as well give McCloskey the trophy now. 208 00:08:17,562 --> 00:08:19,439 You know, the damage is on the bottom. 209 00:08:19,439 --> 00:08:21,900 We can just shovel the rest of the goop back in and prop it up. 210 00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:25,779 We can't just scoop 307 pounds of pumpkin guts in there. 211 00:08:25,779 --> 00:08:28,031 [horn honking] 212 00:08:31,993 --> 00:08:34,579 307 pounds is my exact weight. 213 00:08:34,579 --> 00:08:36,623 This is crazy, but I think I could slide in 214 00:08:36,623 --> 00:08:37,916 through the hole in the bottom. 215 00:08:37,916 --> 00:08:39,709 Then I could just sit in there for a few hours, 216 00:08:39,709 --> 00:08:41,419 and maybe you can still win the contest. 217 00:08:41,419 --> 00:08:42,754 You'd do that for me? 218 00:08:42,754 --> 00:08:44,172 I broke it. I'll fix it. 219 00:08:44,172 --> 00:08:46,049 Plus, I want to beat McCloskey for you. 220 00:08:46,049 --> 00:08:47,259 I heard about him and Bonnie. 221 00:08:47,259 --> 00:08:48,718 I don't know what people are hearing. 222 00:08:48,718 --> 00:08:50,178 It's just pumpkin stuff with us. 223 00:08:54,349 --> 00:08:57,185 Welcome to the Quahog Great Pumpkin Contest. 224 00:08:57,185 --> 00:08:58,520 We're going to start today 225 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:00,271 with the pumpkin pie eating event. 226 00:09:00,271 --> 00:09:02,440 Peter Griffin is our reigning champion. 227 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:05,402 Peter, come on up and accept this Pie to the City. 228 00:09:05,402 --> 00:09:07,570 [Peter] Joe, I need to come out for a minute. 229 00:09:07,570 --> 00:09:09,114 It's too risky, Peter. 230 00:09:09,114 --> 00:09:11,574 The Pie to the City enables the bearer 231 00:09:11,574 --> 00:09:13,743 to go to any establishment with pie 232 00:09:13,743 --> 00:09:16,663 and get a free pie at any time. 233 00:09:16,663 --> 00:09:18,123 Sorry, bud. 234 00:09:18,123 --> 00:09:19,374 We'll get you pie later. 235 00:09:26,631 --> 00:09:28,466 -[engine revving] -[tires screeching] 236 00:09:35,598 --> 00:09:37,017 [spits] 237 00:09:40,228 --> 00:09:41,479 -Who is that? -Who was that? 238 00:09:41,479 --> 00:09:42,689 That's the king. 239 00:09:42,689 --> 00:09:43,815 That's McCloskey. 240 00:09:43,815 --> 00:09:45,650 He's allowed to just park on the grass? 241 00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:46,901 They'll ask him to move. 242 00:09:46,901 --> 00:09:48,236 That's what they did last year. 243 00:09:52,490 --> 00:09:54,284 Stewie thinks I have no friends. 244 00:09:54,284 --> 00:09:55,493 Then what are all these? 245 00:09:56,411 --> 00:09:57,871 Hello, Brian. 246 00:09:57,871 --> 00:10:00,582 Enjoy your last call. 247 00:10:00,582 --> 00:10:01,750 [ringing] 248 00:10:03,585 --> 00:10:05,045 Hello? 249 00:10:05,045 --> 00:10:07,922 Sanfo, what do we got going on for All Hallows' Eve? 250 00:10:07,922 --> 00:10:09,007 Hang sesh? 251 00:10:09,007 --> 00:10:10,091 Who is this? 252 00:10:10,091 --> 00:10:11,468 Bri-guy, from the line. 253 00:10:11,468 --> 00:10:12,552 What line? 254 00:10:12,552 --> 00:10:13,970 "What line," he says. 255 00:10:13,970 --> 00:10:15,305 Top Gun: Maverick. 256 00:10:15,305 --> 00:10:18,349 Uh, dude, that was, like, three years ago. 257 00:10:18,349 --> 00:10:19,434 Ha! What're we gettin' into tonight, 258 00:10:19,434 --> 00:10:21,436 you ol' bull shark? 259 00:10:21,436 --> 00:10:22,812 I don't know, man. 260 00:10:22,812 --> 00:10:25,106 I might go to the Quahog Cemetery outdoor movie. 261 00:10:25,106 --> 00:10:26,191 Love it. Should we get 262 00:10:26,191 --> 00:10:28,401 the Dime Boys involved is the question? 263 00:10:28,401 --> 00:10:30,612 Hey, while I got ya, let me show you my yard. 264 00:10:30,612 --> 00:10:32,655 So much potench. 265 00:10:32,655 --> 00:10:34,532 Ugh. "Potench." 266 00:10:34,532 --> 00:10:36,367 Now I want to kill him twice. 267 00:10:41,164 --> 00:10:42,248 Look at him. 268 00:10:42,248 --> 00:10:43,625 He's so cool. 269 00:10:43,625 --> 00:10:45,543 [Peter] I want to see him so bad. 270 00:10:48,046 --> 00:10:49,214 Hoo-hoo-hoo! 271 00:10:49,214 --> 00:10:51,925 Look who it is, "Second Place" Swanson. 272 00:10:51,925 --> 00:10:53,426 That nickname doesn't make sense 273 00:10:53,426 --> 00:10:55,428 because one year I was sixth place. 274 00:10:55,428 --> 00:10:57,305 Feel stupid now, McCloskey? 275 00:10:57,305 --> 00:10:59,849 Let me get a closer look at your pumpkin. 276 00:10:59,849 --> 00:11:01,976 Could barely see it from over there. 277 00:11:01,976 --> 00:11:04,020 [Peter] Ha, classic McCloskey. 278 00:11:04,020 --> 00:11:05,647 -What was that? -What? 279 00:11:05,647 --> 00:11:08,650 All I hear are whispers from all the pumpkin bloggers 280 00:11:08,650 --> 00:11:10,985 saying McCloskey's reign is over. 281 00:11:10,985 --> 00:11:12,070 Good news. 282 00:11:12,070 --> 00:11:13,405 When your pumpkin loses, 283 00:11:13,405 --> 00:11:14,864 you can still use it as a centerpiece 284 00:11:14,864 --> 00:11:16,407 at Thanksgiving. [laughs] 285 00:11:16,407 --> 00:11:18,743 Provided you have a small enough table. 286 00:11:18,743 --> 00:11:20,161 -[grunts] -Hey, hey, hey, hey! 287 00:11:20,161 --> 00:11:22,080 It's not worth it. None of this is. 288 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,331 I wish I stayed home. 289 00:11:26,584 --> 00:11:30,755 And this year's Quahog Great Pumpkin winner is... 290 00:11:30,755 --> 00:11:32,006 [drum roll] 291 00:11:34,217 --> 00:11:36,136 It's just pumpkin stuff, Joe. 292 00:11:36,136 --> 00:11:37,262 Oh, good. 293 00:11:37,262 --> 00:11:38,930 See, fellas? Pumpkin stuff. 294 00:11:38,930 --> 00:11:40,849 Joe Swanson! 295 00:11:40,849 --> 00:11:42,934 -Yeah! Mwah. -Ugh! 296 00:11:42,934 --> 00:11:45,103 Better luck next year, McCloskey. 297 00:11:45,854 --> 00:11:46,938 What are they doing? 298 00:11:48,231 --> 00:11:50,483 All the Pumpkin County winners are entered 299 00:11:50,483 --> 00:11:52,527 in the State Halloween Contest in Providence. 300 00:11:52,527 --> 00:11:55,613 Do you know anything about regional pumpkin contests? 301 00:11:55,613 --> 00:11:58,408 Oh, suck my bumpy gourd, McCloskey. 302 00:11:58,408 --> 00:11:59,617 Your what? 303 00:11:59,617 --> 00:12:01,619 My bumpy little orange, green, and yellow 304 00:12:01,619 --> 00:12:04,164 Gonzo-nose-shaped gourd. 305 00:12:04,164 --> 00:12:05,248 Stop describing it. 306 00:12:07,041 --> 00:12:08,293 [Peter] Are we driving? 307 00:12:08,293 --> 00:12:10,086 I don't have a seat belt. 308 00:12:10,086 --> 00:12:11,421 [kids] Trick-or-treat! 309 00:12:16,926 --> 00:12:19,429 Weird. That kid looks like your teddy bear. 310 00:12:19,429 --> 00:12:20,847 Except he's holding a big knife 311 00:12:20,847 --> 00:12:23,141 and has a present-day Anthony Kiedis costume. 312 00:12:26,269 --> 00:12:28,479 That's not present-day Anthony Kiedis. 313 00:12:28,479 --> 00:12:29,772 That's Sonny Bono. 314 00:12:29,772 --> 00:12:31,524 Oh, my God, it worked! 315 00:12:31,524 --> 00:12:33,860 I made life! Yay! 316 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,155 Rupert, you're alive! 317 00:12:37,155 --> 00:12:38,531 Thanks to you. 318 00:12:38,531 --> 00:12:41,201 This is amazing! Oh, we have so much to talk about. 319 00:12:41,201 --> 00:12:42,744 But first, candy. 320 00:12:42,744 --> 00:12:44,329 I can't wait to join you, 321 00:12:44,329 --> 00:12:48,499 right after I find and kill Brian, babe. 322 00:12:48,499 --> 00:12:49,626 Wait, what? 323 00:12:49,626 --> 00:12:52,587 Remember? "I wish Brian were dead." 324 00:12:52,587 --> 00:12:54,297 Oh, I was just angry for a second. 325 00:12:54,297 --> 00:12:56,341 But forget all that. You're alive! 326 00:12:56,341 --> 00:12:57,592 Let's trick-or-treat. 327 00:12:57,592 --> 00:12:58,760 Of course. 328 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:00,511 Once I kill Brian. 329 00:13:00,511 --> 00:13:02,138 Come on, Rupert. Don't be silly. 330 00:13:02,138 --> 00:13:03,348 I'm not mad anymore. 331 00:13:03,348 --> 00:13:05,141 Actually, I like being a solo act. 332 00:13:05,141 --> 00:13:08,686 I got an Oscar and, like, 100 hot young boyfriends ahead of me. 333 00:13:08,686 --> 00:13:11,314 Gonna do a fishnet dance on an aircraft carrier, 334 00:13:11,314 --> 00:13:13,483 remind our boys in white what they're fightin' for. 335 00:13:13,483 --> 00:13:14,984 Anyway, you don't have to kill him. 336 00:13:14,984 --> 00:13:17,403 But you said, "No takesies-backsies." 337 00:13:19,364 --> 00:13:21,115 Rupert, where did you go? 338 00:13:21,115 --> 00:13:23,326 Oh, my God, I have to save Brian! 339 00:13:25,078 --> 00:13:27,205 Mr. Herbert, you're trick-or-treating? 340 00:13:27,205 --> 00:13:29,082 Oh, I use Halloween to take care of 341 00:13:29,082 --> 00:13:31,125 a little yearly housekeeping. 342 00:13:31,125 --> 00:13:32,293 [giggling] 343 00:13:32,293 --> 00:13:33,503 [doorbell rings] 344 00:13:33,503 --> 00:13:34,587 Trick-or-treat! 345 00:13:34,587 --> 00:13:36,673 I'm a registered sex offender. 346 00:13:41,469 --> 00:13:42,470 Brian! 347 00:13:43,054 --> 00:13:44,305 Brian! 348 00:13:44,305 --> 00:13:45,848 Where could he be? 349 00:13:45,848 --> 00:13:47,058 Hey, Cher! 350 00:13:47,058 --> 00:13:49,018 Hey, guys! 351 00:13:49,018 --> 00:13:50,478 I'm putting this on Instagram! 352 00:13:51,396 --> 00:13:52,897 Well, this is a big hit. 353 00:13:52,897 --> 00:13:54,774 I can't stop smiling. 354 00:13:54,774 --> 00:13:56,401 Instagram! Of course! 355 00:13:56,401 --> 00:13:57,777 Brian doesn't have the confidence 356 00:13:57,777 --> 00:13:59,404 not to shove every sad little thing 357 00:13:59,404 --> 00:14:00,822 he does down our throats. 358 00:14:00,822 --> 00:14:02,031 Bingo! 359 00:14:02,031 --> 00:14:03,950 He's going to watch an '80s horror boob movie 360 00:14:03,950 --> 00:14:05,118 at the cemetery. 361 00:14:05,118 --> 00:14:07,245 "Gonna be cool to see them so big." 362 00:14:07,245 --> 00:14:09,247 Hashtag big screen boobs. 363 00:14:09,247 --> 00:14:11,916 "Waiting on my guy Sanfo with the provisions." 364 00:14:11,916 --> 00:14:15,003 Parenthetical, "All the Jameson, please. LOL." 365 00:14:15,003 --> 00:14:16,671 Ugh, what a mess. 366 00:14:16,671 --> 00:14:18,881 [Rupert] Shall we split a cab? 367 00:14:18,881 --> 00:14:21,092 -[yelps] -It's nice he's at the cemetery. 368 00:14:21,092 --> 00:14:22,677 Less clean up. 369 00:14:22,677 --> 00:14:23,678 [phone dings] 370 00:14:27,473 --> 00:14:28,683 God, that's awful. 371 00:14:34,897 --> 00:14:36,566 Peter's been in that pumpkin all day. 372 00:14:36,566 --> 00:14:38,026 We gotta find him and get him out. 373 00:14:39,569 --> 00:14:42,280 It's going to take us hours with all these pumpkins. 374 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:43,406 -Peter! -[Peter] Yeah? 375 00:14:43,406 --> 00:14:45,199 -Oh, wow. -Can I come out? 376 00:14:45,199 --> 00:14:46,409 I should be at work. 377 00:14:46,409 --> 00:14:47,910 Yeah, let's get you out of there. 378 00:14:47,910 --> 00:14:49,287 Well, well, well. 379 00:14:49,287 --> 00:14:50,830 "Miracle-Grow" Joe. 380 00:14:50,830 --> 00:14:52,582 McCloskey, what are you doing here? 381 00:14:52,582 --> 00:14:54,500 I saved my wristband from last year. 382 00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,127 They didn't change the color. 383 00:14:56,127 --> 00:14:58,254 I didn't ask how you got in. 384 00:14:58,254 --> 00:14:59,881 Well, something doesn't add up. 385 00:14:59,881 --> 00:15:02,592 Last year, your pumpkin was 18 pounds. 386 00:15:02,592 --> 00:15:05,762 And this year, it's 307? 387 00:15:05,762 --> 00:15:08,222 Seems like a disproportionate step up. 388 00:15:08,222 --> 00:15:09,432 But what do I know? 389 00:15:09,432 --> 00:15:12,477 Just almost every pumpkin thing there is. 390 00:15:12,477 --> 00:15:13,853 Get lost, McCloskey. 391 00:15:13,853 --> 00:15:16,356 Oh, ho-ho-ho! No, I'm sticking around. 392 00:15:16,356 --> 00:15:17,982 I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. 393 00:15:17,982 --> 00:15:21,903 [Peter] Yeah, now I'm kind of wondering myself. 394 00:15:21,903 --> 00:15:24,405 [announcer] Hello, hipsters and newly-sober people 395 00:15:24,405 --> 00:15:27,033 who ran out of seltzer flavors to try. 396 00:15:27,033 --> 00:15:29,285 The movie will start soon. 397 00:15:29,285 --> 00:15:31,662 Do you mind if I scoot your blanket over a bit? 398 00:15:31,662 --> 00:15:32,914 You're on my dad's grave, 399 00:15:32,914 --> 00:15:34,457 and I'd like to leave these flowers. 400 00:15:34,457 --> 00:15:36,376 I totally get it from your perspective, 401 00:15:36,376 --> 00:15:38,836 but Sanfo should be here in uno momento, 402 00:15:38,836 --> 00:15:40,963 and there's a chance the Dime Boys may roll, 403 00:15:40,963 --> 00:15:42,131 so, yeah, no. 404 00:15:46,302 --> 00:15:47,762 Hello. 405 00:15:47,762 --> 00:15:49,347 Do you mind if I sit? 406 00:15:49,347 --> 00:15:52,433 Whoa, a kid dressed as a bear dressed as Sonny Bono? 407 00:15:52,433 --> 00:15:53,518 That's so weird. 408 00:15:53,518 --> 00:15:55,144 Oh, how so? 409 00:15:55,144 --> 00:15:57,105 Just-- I was supposed to go as that. 410 00:15:57,105 --> 00:15:58,439 Well, why didn't you? 411 00:15:58,439 --> 00:16:00,483 Maybe somebody was counting on you. 412 00:16:00,483 --> 00:16:02,068 Oh, that's not him. 413 00:16:02,068 --> 00:16:03,861 Sorry, bud. I'm sorta keeping an eye out for my friends. 414 00:16:03,861 --> 00:16:05,488 They'll probably need help with the YETI. 415 00:16:05,488 --> 00:16:08,199 It's the big one. Not cheap, but heirloom quality. 416 00:16:08,199 --> 00:16:12,829 You know, to have a friend, you must first be a friend. 417 00:16:12,829 --> 00:16:15,706 And you haven't been a very good one, have you? 418 00:16:15,706 --> 00:16:16,791 Hey, you got it, Sonny. 419 00:16:16,791 --> 00:16:18,042 Hey, I'm gonna run to the bathroom. 420 00:16:18,042 --> 00:16:20,002 If you see three guys dressed as Anchorman 421 00:16:20,002 --> 00:16:21,462 scream-quoting Will Ferrell, 422 00:16:21,462 --> 00:16:23,339 tell 'em this is the spot. 423 00:16:23,339 --> 00:16:26,551 Oh, this is the spot, all right. 424 00:16:26,551 --> 00:16:28,845 The spot to die. 425 00:16:29,637 --> 00:16:30,847 [Peter crying] 426 00:16:30,847 --> 00:16:32,056 We gotta get Peter out of there. 427 00:16:32,056 --> 00:16:33,182 He's starting to lose it. 428 00:16:33,182 --> 00:16:34,976 Something is off with this pumpkin. 429 00:16:34,976 --> 00:16:36,853 Don't hate me 'cause you ain't me. 430 00:16:36,853 --> 00:16:39,730 McCloskey said that to me last year and now I say it. 431 00:16:39,730 --> 00:16:42,483 I have to go to the bathroom more than the pail in here! 432 00:16:42,483 --> 00:16:44,444 -[judges gasp] -Mr. Swanson, 433 00:16:44,444 --> 00:16:45,903 what is going on here? 434 00:16:45,903 --> 00:16:47,780 [sighs] I'm sorry. 435 00:16:47,780 --> 00:16:48,948 I've disgraced-- 436 00:16:48,948 --> 00:16:50,408 [man] I also have to go to the bathroom 437 00:16:50,408 --> 00:16:51,993 more than the pail in here! 438 00:16:51,993 --> 00:16:53,828 Who is that? 439 00:16:53,828 --> 00:16:55,788 [together] We all have to go to the bathroom 440 00:16:55,788 --> 00:16:57,623 more than the pail in here! 441 00:16:57,623 --> 00:16:59,917 My wife made me volunteer for this job. 442 00:16:59,917 --> 00:17:01,335 I'm not really sure what to do. 443 00:17:01,335 --> 00:17:03,421 Maybe we just vote on the fattest guy? 444 00:17:03,421 --> 00:17:05,047 This seems mean now. 445 00:17:05,047 --> 00:17:06,757 How'd you know I was cheating? 446 00:17:06,757 --> 00:17:08,092 The truth is... 447 00:17:08,092 --> 00:17:10,636 [sighs] there's no way to win this contest clean. 448 00:17:10,636 --> 00:17:12,680 No real pumpkin is ever over 20 pounds. 449 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,056 But yours always are. 450 00:17:14,056 --> 00:17:16,809 My fat son sits in mine every year. 451 00:17:16,809 --> 00:17:19,645 All these years, I thought giant pumpkins 452 00:17:19,645 --> 00:17:21,189 were just full of seeds. 453 00:17:21,189 --> 00:17:22,648 Forget it, Joe. 454 00:17:22,648 --> 00:17:24,233 It's Pumpkin Town. 455 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:28,321 [โ™ช moody jazz music playing] 456 00:17:30,948 --> 00:17:32,617 [engine revving] 457 00:17:36,954 --> 00:17:38,581 I gotta put some thought to this, 458 00:17:38,581 --> 00:17:40,875 but I think I may be in love with that guy. 459 00:17:45,338 --> 00:17:46,881 Have you seen a dog with a bear 460 00:17:46,881 --> 00:17:48,299 in a Sonny Bono costume? 461 00:17:48,299 --> 00:17:49,550 [laughs] 462 00:17:49,550 --> 00:17:51,427 No, nothing like that. 463 00:17:51,427 --> 00:17:52,720 Just a dog with a bear 464 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,388 in a present-day Anthony Kiedis costume. 465 00:17:57,725 --> 00:17:59,352 That's him! Which way did they go? 466 00:18:02,230 --> 00:18:04,357 -[choking] -[grunting] 467 00:18:05,358 --> 00:18:07,485 Oh, God, I'm too late. 468 00:18:07,485 --> 00:18:08,611 You're not too late! 469 00:18:08,611 --> 00:18:10,112 But by the time I start helping, 470 00:18:10,112 --> 00:18:11,364 don't you think it'll be too late? 471 00:18:11,364 --> 00:18:13,533 Not at all. Help! 472 00:18:13,533 --> 00:18:15,535 -[groans] -[grunts] 473 00:18:24,085 --> 00:18:25,586 You should go. 474 00:18:25,586 --> 00:18:28,256 I don't think you'll want to see what happens next. 475 00:18:28,256 --> 00:18:30,550 I command you not to kill Brian. 476 00:18:30,550 --> 00:18:33,636 Dear, dear, Stewie, don't you see it? 477 00:18:33,636 --> 00:18:35,179 You only animated me to life 478 00:18:35,179 --> 00:18:37,765 when Brian said he wouldn't be Sonny. 479 00:18:37,765 --> 00:18:41,644 You turn to me only when Brian's mean to you. 480 00:18:41,644 --> 00:18:43,938 I'm always second to him. 481 00:18:43,938 --> 00:18:45,022 Well, that's not true. 482 00:18:45,022 --> 00:18:46,148 Isn't it? 483 00:18:46,148 --> 00:18:48,776 Do you know my name's not even Rupert? 484 00:18:48,776 --> 00:18:49,944 It's Jerry. 485 00:18:49,944 --> 00:18:52,029 Ugh, I've been hanging out with a Jerry? 486 00:18:52,029 --> 00:18:55,491 But once Brian's gone, I'll finally be first. 487 00:18:55,491 --> 00:18:59,287 You're one and only best friend. 488 00:18:59,287 --> 00:19:00,454 [yells] 489 00:19:09,463 --> 00:19:10,548 [grunts] 490 00:19:10,548 --> 00:19:11,924 [growls] 491 00:19:11,924 --> 00:19:13,092 [screams] 492 00:19:13,968 --> 00:19:16,304 [both grunting] 493 00:19:16,304 --> 00:19:18,556 Say you'll leave Brian alone, and I'll let you go. 494 00:19:19,307 --> 00:19:21,350 [choking] I can't do that. 495 00:19:21,350 --> 00:19:26,480 In that case, you leave me no choice. 496 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:28,357 [gurgling] 497 00:19:28,357 --> 00:19:31,444 [singing, crying] โ™ช If I could turn back time โ™ช 498 00:19:31,444 --> 00:19:34,655 โ™ช If I could find a way โ™ช 499 00:19:34,655 --> 00:19:38,409 โ™ช I'd take back those words that have hurt you โ™ช 500 00:19:38,409 --> 00:19:40,828 โ™ช And you'd stay โ™ช 501 00:19:40,828 --> 00:19:42,496 [grunts] 502 00:19:46,917 --> 00:19:48,794 What's... what's happening? 503 00:19:48,794 --> 00:19:50,129 Oh, hey, man. 504 00:19:50,129 --> 00:19:51,589 How much did you hear? 505 00:19:51,589 --> 00:19:53,591 You brought your bear to life and told him to kill me? 506 00:19:53,591 --> 00:19:55,343 Damn, I was hoping you missed that. 507 00:19:55,343 --> 00:19:59,013 Also, you chose me and saved my life. 508 00:19:59,013 --> 00:20:00,931 [sighs] You're my best friend, Bri. 509 00:20:00,931 --> 00:20:03,100 I'm really sorry I put you through this. 510 00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:05,186 Eh, I was pretty selfish, too. 511 00:20:05,186 --> 00:20:07,104 I should have made time to take my best friend 512 00:20:07,104 --> 00:20:08,230 trick-or-treating. 513 00:20:08,230 --> 00:20:09,982 I'm your best friend? 514 00:20:09,982 --> 00:20:11,567 You're pretty much my only friend. 515 00:20:12,902 --> 00:20:15,112 What about Sanfo and the Dime Boys? 516 00:20:15,112 --> 00:20:18,532 Honestly, I think Sanfo's just using me for my sick yard. 517 00:20:18,532 --> 00:20:20,242 Happy Halloween, Bri, 518 00:20:20,242 --> 00:20:21,827 you total loon. 519 00:20:21,827 --> 00:20:23,245 Happy Halloween, Stewie. 520 00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:32,630 Man, that yard is going to be the place to be this summer. 521 00:20:32,630 --> 00:20:34,882 [Stewie] Maybe this is the summer I get back into croquet. 522 00:20:34,882 --> 00:20:36,050 We do have the space. 523 00:20:36,050 --> 00:20:37,593 [Brian] Yeah, lot of potench. 524 00:20:37,593 --> 00:20:38,594 [Stewie groans] Ugh. 525 00:20:45,393 --> 00:20:47,353 Oh, I know what you want. 526 00:20:48,062 --> 00:20:49,522 Here you go, sweetie. 527 00:20:49,522 --> 00:20:52,358 Your fluffy little friend is all dry and good as new. 528 00:20:53,651 --> 00:20:54,735 [sniffs] 529 00:20:54,735 --> 00:20:56,153 Well, you lost a little stank, 530 00:20:56,153 --> 00:20:57,738 but that should come back in time. 531 00:20:57,738 --> 00:21:00,533 Oh, my God, Rupert, you would not believe what happened. 532 00:21:00,533 --> 00:21:03,577 I animated you to life, and then you decided to kill-- 533 00:21:03,577 --> 00:21:05,538 Yes, to life! Me! 534 00:21:05,538 --> 00:21:08,582 I did it, and then you decided to kill Brian, because-- 535 00:21:08,582 --> 00:21:10,126 No, we do not wish he was dead. 536 00:21:10,126 --> 00:21:12,086 Not anymore, at least. And then... 537 00:21:12,086 --> 00:21:14,922 [chuckles] What on earth do they talk about? 538 00:21:14,922 --> 00:21:16,924 [โ™ช theme music playing] 37770

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