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00:00:03,770 --> 00:00:07,340
CHRIS ROCK:
Everyone agrees thatone of the most important days
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00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:09,184
of the year is Mother's Day.
3
00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:11,179
ALL:
Happy Mother's Day!
4
00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:14,151
Oh, you guys
didn't have to do this.
5
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:17,350
Everybody wants to show theirmama how much they love them.
6
00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:19,654
Even Tupacwrote a song about his mother.
7
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:23,156
On Mother's Day,people pull out all the stops.
8
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:25,429
You take your motherto brunch...
9
00:00:25,458 --> 00:00:28,158
We're out of food.
I'm sorry for the inconvenience.
10
00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:29,834
If you could
come back next Sunday.
11
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,733
What do you mean, next Sunday?
12
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,095
We're out of food, Mama.
What you want me to do?
13
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,544
Didn't I raise you
better than that?!
14
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:40,439
You take her to a movie soshe can wear a great big hat...
15
00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:42,313
and you spendyour last dime on her,
16
00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:44,242
just so she knowsshe's number one.
17
00:00:44,277 --> 00:00:46,477
Oh, my God! Ha-ha-ha!
Come on.
18
00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:50,853
Oh! Oh! Oh, I can't believe
you did this.
19
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,324
But when it comes to Father'sDay, nobody gave a damn.
20
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:55,864
It's Father's Day, people.
21
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,689
Come on down
to Pastures and Shores.
22
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,434
The food is half-price.
23
00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:02,859
Buenas noches.¿Como se dice"half-off"?
24
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,296
The movies are terrible...
25
00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:06,300
[ALL CLAMORING]
26
00:01:06,332 --> 00:01:09,302
Turn it off! Turn it off!
27
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:10,866
The gifts suck...
28
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,174
Ta-da!
29
00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:14,205
What the hell is this?
30
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,640
It's a parking space, honey.
31
00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:18,775
We got you a parking space.
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00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,752
This year, I wanted to getmy father the perfect gift,
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00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:24,751
and the only way to do thatwas to ask him what he wanted.
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00:01:24,784 --> 00:01:27,894
Dad, what present
do you want for Father's Day?
35
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:31,491
Heh-heh, wanna get me
something for Father's Day?
36
00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:33,494
Help me knock off
one of these bills.
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00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:34,726
ROCHELLE:
Julius...
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00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:38,874
Okay.
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00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:40,198
Father's Day...
40
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:42,673
You know what?
41
00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:45,472
Y'all really wanna get me
something for Father's Day?
42
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:47,735
I know exactly what I want.
What's that, baby?
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00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,444
A day off.
44
00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:52,646
You mean a day off from work?
No.
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00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:55,849
A day off from everything
and everybody.
46
00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:58,822
No fighting, no shouting,
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00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:01,322
no complaining, no fixing.
48
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:06,185
Just one day where I can do
whatever I feel like doing.
49
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:08,926
I hope he doesn't wantto leave us for a white girl.
50
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:12,172
[***]
51
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,340
* Aw, make it funky now
52
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:45,802
[***]
53
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,672
GREG:
So, wait, your dad says
he doesn't want anything?
54
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,742
Nope. All he said was
he wanted to be all alone.
55
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:54,611
Watch out. My mother said
she wanted a day alone.
56
00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:57,411
Next thing we knew, she left
and moved to Poughkeepsie.
57
00:02:57,444 --> 00:03:00,254
I don't care what he says.
I'm gonna get him something.
58
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,550
My father said what he wanted.
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00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:03,351
My mother saidwhat he was gonna get.
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00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:05,723
What kind of gift is
a day off from your family?
61
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,022
It's just one day.
62
00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:08,923
How is that supposed
to make the kids feel?
63
00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:10,885
Women always usedthe kids against you.
64
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:14,694
It's Father's Day and you
don't want to be a father.
65
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,828
I did not say that.
66
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,533
They're trying to honor you,
67
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:21,295
and all you got to say is,
"Leave me the hell alone."
68
00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:23,504
I did not say,
"Leave me the hell alone."
69
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,366
You may as well have.
70
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:29,305
I haven't had a day
to myself in 13 years.
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00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:31,512
If I didn't want
to be a father, I...
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00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,554
That look means if you wantto keep being a father
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00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,480
you betterkeep your mouth shut.
74
00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:38,485
It is supposed to be our day
to do something special for you.
75
00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:41,648
That's what I'm trying to say.
76
00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:44,018
Why can't I do what
the hell I want to do?
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00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,357
Huh? Say what?
78
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:48,362
Uh... You got the keys?
79
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:54,303
Well, what you gonna do here
all day by yourself anyway?
80
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:55,674
Nothing.
81
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:59,742
Well, can the kids at least
get you a real gift?
82
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,343
What?
83
00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,611
What's that?
Every Father's Day card
84
00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:09,676
and present I've gotten
for the past four years.
85
00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:11,376
Look at this.
86
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,948
A box of S-Curl.
I got you that.
87
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:15,986
A macaroni cigar box.
Oh, that's so cute.
88
00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:22,462
I got four ties: a necktie
a bow tie, bolo tie...
89
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:24,325
I got him that.
90
00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:26,004
...and a clip-on tie.
91
00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:28,842
I don't even wear ties.
I don't go nowhere.
92
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:36,709
That's $28.46 we could have used
on something else.
93
00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:39,713
Well, it's the thought
that counts.
94
00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:43,516
I appreciate it, I really do,
but if you buy me presents,
95
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,620
I'm just gonna have to work
to pay it off.
96
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:48,522
At this rate,
I'll be working when I'm dead.
97
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:52,090
Julius, you're dead.
What are you doing here?
98
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,725
Trying to pay off
these presents.
99
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,830
Listen, can I work
the graveyard shift?
100
00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,534
Fine. Okay, then.
101
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,537
Have your little stinky day off.
102
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,939
But on your birthday,
I will promise you this.
103
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,441
You will be getting a cake,
104
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,813
and you will like it.
Oh, I know.
105
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:11,142
You better jump back
and kiss yourself.
106
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:13,107
And, uh,
put up the groceries.
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00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,446
Before your day off.
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00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,545
Does he have any hobbies?
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00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:23,657
Is taking naps a hobby?
No.
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00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:25,960
So, what are you getting
your dad for Father's Day?
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00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,862
I don't know if "getting" is
right. It's more like "doing."
112
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,055
Okay, so, what are you
doingfor your dad?
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00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:34,427
Well, first, I'm making
his favorite breakfast,
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00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:35,867
Cap'n Crunch and cantaloupe.
115
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:37,572
I tried to imaginedoing the things
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00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:39,614
that Greg talked aboutwith my father.
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00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:42,009
Like bringing himCap'n Crunch and cantaloupe.
118
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,612
Are you crazy?
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00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:45,853
Boy, you better
bring me some bacon.
120
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:49,479
I thought about taking my dadto the zoo to see penguins.
121
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,686
We paid $3.50 to see
a bird that can't fly?
122
00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:54,648
What you gonna show me next,
rats that don't eat cheese?
123
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,118
I even imagined usshooting off bottle rockets
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00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,457
in front of the house.
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00:05:58,491 --> 00:06:01,061
[ROCKET SHRIEKING]
126
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,464
[BOOMING EXPLOSION]
127
00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:04,595
[GUNSHOTS]
[PEOPLE YELLING]
128
00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:05,931
Run, boy, run!
129
00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:08,895
I wonder if Greg's dadever got shot at.
130
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,570
You decided
what you're gonna do?
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00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:14,465
I can't do the stuff
you talked about.
132
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:15,837
I only have $27.
133
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,135
That's not bad.
If I were you, I'd figure out
134
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:19,878
what he needs
and just give him that.
135
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:22,123
I wonder if itwould ruin our friendship
136
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,548
if I smacked his eyebrows off?
137
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:29,987
What you looking for, Chris?
138
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:33,563
Oh, I'm trying to find my father
something for Father's Day.
139
00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:35,203
Heh, Father's Day.
140
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,828
My daddy liked
guns, liquor and women.
141
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,804
I guess he liked jail too.
142
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,943
What does your daddy
like to do?
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00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:43,168
That's the tough part.
144
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:45,643
All he does is sleep and work.
145
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:49,912
I know what that's like.
But I got just the thing.
146
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:54,953
A Swiss LCD quartz
calculator alarm watch.
147
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:57,651
Well, he has
an alarm clock at home.
148
00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:59,194
What's he need one
in his watch for?
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00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,649
You never know.
150
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:04,919
[ALARM BEEPING]
151
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,658
Oh!
152
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:08,663
Thank goodness for this watch.
153
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:10,755
Hm, I never thought of that.
154
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:12,627
It's got a calculator too.
155
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:14,795
He can figure out
how muchanythingcosts.
156
00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:16,504
If it camewith a side of bacon,
157
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:19,136
that would have beenthe best gift in history.
158
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,942
How much does it cost?
159
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,505
Twenty-four ninety-five.
160
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,053
He just made that up.
I'll take it.
161
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:31,948
How come Daddy doesn't wanna
be with us on Father's Day?
162
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,745
Oh, baby, it's not
that your daddy
163
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,087
doesn't wanna be with us,
164
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,161
it's just that
he works hard all the time
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00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,790
and wants to have
a little time to be by himself.
166
00:07:39,826 --> 00:07:42,656
Man, that's cool.
I can't wait until I'm a father
167
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,826
so I can have this
whole house to myself.
168
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,104
You are not gonna be
a father in this house,
169
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:50,203
because I ain't
taking care of no babies.
170
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:51,666
Lost your mind.
171
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,765
Well, can we still
get him a present?
172
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,537
Sure, baby.
What'd you have in mind?
173
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:01,848
These.
See, I took Daddy's old slippers
174
00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:03,821
and put macaroni on them.
175
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,590
Oh, baby, that's nice.
176
00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:08,558
I'm gonna help you
wrap them later.
177
00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:10,088
Can you help me wrap mine too?
178
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,663
I'm making dad cologne.
179
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:13,661
Where did you learn
how to make cologne?
180
00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:15,733
I saw it in the back
of a magazine.
181
00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:17,332
All I need is oil,
182
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,174
something to give it
a little smell
183
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,599
and, uh, alcohol.
184
00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:22,143
Then just leave it
in a jar for a week.
185
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,268
Mama, since Daddy
wants to be by himself,
186
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:25,614
what are we gonna do?
187
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:28,168
We are gonna have some fun.
188
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,938
Chris! Time to eat!
189
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,753
Hey, Dad, what's all that stuff?
It's a bunch of stuff
190
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,152
guys on my route
got me for Father's Day.
191
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,994
Oh, look at this.
192
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:44,360
It's an LCD quartz
calculator alarm watch.
193
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:46,991
It's the best gift I ever got.
Ha-ha!
194
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:50,297
Maybe I could glue somemacaroni to his shoes.
195
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:53,830
* Everybody hates Chris
196
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,740
[***]
197
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,807
ALL:
Happy Father's Day!
198
00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:09,015
Happy Father's Day, baby.
We love you.
199
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:13,219
Oh-ho-ho!
I love y'all too. Yeah.
200
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:16,363
Hey, y'all have fun today, okay?
201
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,789
Daddy, aren't you
gonna read your card?
202
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:20,885
Ooh, yeah. Let's see here.
203
00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:22,627
Oh. Oh!
204
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,762
[CHUCKLES]
205
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:28,638
"To the best dad
in the whole world." Oh.
206
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:30,168
That's so sweet.
207
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,973
Oh, thank you.
208
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,905
Y'all enjoy y'all selves
today, all right? Okay, bye-bye.
209
00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:37,181
Dad, we made your favorite
thing for breakfast.
210
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:40,250
I brought your gout pills,
so you can eat without worrying.
211
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:44,720
Oh, man, bacon, eggs with
cheese, biscuits and butter.
212
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,651
I feel like I died
and went to heaven.
213
00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:48,716
Oh!
Thank you, baby.
214
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,815
Oh, you're welcome, baby.
They did it all.
215
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,757
When y'all leaving, huh?
216
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:56,002
All right, in a minute.
And you're welcome.
217
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:59,199
And, baby, make sure you take
those pills, okay?
218
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:02,172
All right. You guys go
get ready so we can go.
219
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,342
Hurry up, now. Hurry up. Faster.
220
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:05,841
Isn't that sweet?
There you go.
221
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,672
We have the best kids
in the world.
222
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:09,077
Oh, yeah.
They're so sweet.
223
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,039
They are.
224
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:13,947
That look means, "Ain't yousupposed to be leaving?"
225
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,950
You better hurry up. I mean...
226
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:18,722
You're gonna be late for
your, uh... The, um, ahem...
227
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,822
Uh, the...
228
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,794
Uh, what y'all doing?
We're going to the museum.
229
00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:25,763
And to see the movie
Trading Places.
230
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,692
Oh, that should be funny.
Right. Right.
231
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:29,297
So you better hurry up,
all right?
232
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,699
Okay, Julius, we're leaving.
233
00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:34,201
Well, I'll be home
in time for dinner, okay?
234
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,804
Thank you. I love you.
235
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,965
I love you too, baby.
Thank you.
236
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,906
You have a good day.
All right. Oh, I will.
237
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:44,281
Get on out of here.
Happy Father's Day!
238
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,780
Hey, enjoy yourself.
I will.
239
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,282
For my father to have one day
240
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,723
where he could dowhatever he felt like doing
241
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:52,089
was like findinga million dollars.
242
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,418
[***]
243
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,795
He slept on the couch.
244
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:08,001
He slept in the bed.
245
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:09,944
He slepton the dining room table
246
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,009
and dreamt his favorite dreams.
247
00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:15,278
Seventeen cent worth of butter.
248
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,478
He watched bowling.
249
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,480
Yeah!
250
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,281
Ha-ha-ha! Yes!
251
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,523
He watched baseball.
ANNOUNCER:Here's the pitch.
252
00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:24,149
It's gone!
Yeah!
253
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,854
CHRIS ROCK:
He watched golf.
254
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:27,515
ANNOUNCER:
On it's way, and it's in.
255
00:11:27,554 --> 00:11:30,024
Oh-ho-ho, yeah!
256
00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:35,056
CHRIS ROCK:
He even did stuff we didn'tknow he did, like painting.
257
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,895
While my fatherwas doing things
258
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,900
he wouldn't dowhile we were around,
259
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:40,902
we were doing thingswe wouldn't do
260
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:42,104
while he was around.
261
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,765
Okay, y'all stay
where I can see you.
262
00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:46,544
All right, now,
you sure about this?
263
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:48,943
Mr. Harris gave me
my money back on the watch,
264
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:52,275
so I wanted to see if I can
find Dad something he'll like.
265
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,282
Okay. But gift or no gift,
266
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,824
if you're not home by 6:30,
I'm calling the police.
267
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:59,850
My mother always told usif we weren't home on time,
268
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:02,286
she was calling the police.
269
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:04,122
Here.
What's this?
270
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,787
Oh, it's money
I was gonna use
271
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,825
to buy a gift for your dad.
Thanks.
272
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,931
You're welcome, baby.
Be careful.
273
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:12,003
The only thing tougherthan finding a gift
274
00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:13,502
for the man that has everything
275
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:16,773
is finding one for the manthat wants nothing.
276
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,244
The only timemy father wore a suit
277
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:24,313
was at funerals, graduationsand on laundry day.
278
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,414
The closestmy father got to jewelry
279
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,446
was listening to Neil Diamond.
280
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:31,521
I hope it lastsas long as the payments.
281
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,016
I wasn't sureif he would feed the rabbit,
282
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,115
or use the rabbit to feed us.
283
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,987
And let's just sayhe wasn't the leg warmer type.
284
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:45,128
While I was trying to figureout what to get my father,
285
00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:46,925
my mother was tryingto figure out
286
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:49,536
what she had gottenherself into.
287
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,271
What is that?
288
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:56,306
Well, honey, that's art.
289
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:58,853
You sure?
Looks like somebody got shot
290
00:12:58,878 --> 00:13:00,378
and fell in a bucket
of mustard.
291
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,423
Be quiet, boy.
292
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,079
This is culture.
293
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,247
How much more culture
do we have to get?
294
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,886
Girl, just look
at the picture.
295
00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:11,389
[GROUP CHATTERING]
296
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:13,164
[CHILD LAUGHS]
297
00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:17,525
I wish Dad was here.
298
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:19,304
Maybe he could explain this.
299
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:25,514
Hey, Risky?
Hold up, little man.
300
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,868
I had looked for a gifteverywhere I could,
301
00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:30,477
so I decided to looksomewhere I shouldn't have.
302
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:33,080
What kind of stuff
do you have for Father's Day?
303
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:35,423
Father's Day?
That ain't a big one for me.
304
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:38,218
There ain't none but four
fathers in the neighborhood.
305
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:41,491
Now, Mother's Day, I had
a whole bunch of stuff.
306
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:44,161
How much you got to spend?
Thirty-seven dollars.
307
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,660
Thirty-seven dollars?
You knock over a liquor store?
308
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:48,463
I saved up.
Man,
309
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,955
keep saving like that,
you'll be rich in a minute.
310
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,997
Maybe then I can buy one ofthose pink sweaters, like him.
311
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,304
Your old man like music?
Who's that?
312
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,896
Oh.
313
00:13:57,937 --> 00:13:59,137
We got John Travolta,
314
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:02,182
William Shatner.
Oh! Liberace.
315
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:05,278
That's for fathers that weretoo old for Elton John.
316
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:08,311
No, thanks.
What else you got?
317
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,018
Uh... Oh!
318
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:12,190
How about these... for your mom?
319
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:15,658
For Father's Day?
Yeah. For him to give to her.
320
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,319
No.
321
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:21,027
Uh, I'm sorry I can't
help you out, young blood,
322
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,701
but, hey, you come back
Mother's Day, I'll hook you up.
323
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,470
Listen, watch this
for a few minutes.
324
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:28,268
I'm gonna run across the street,
pay my light bill. All right?
325
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,341
Sure.
326
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,509
Tell your daddy to call me
and happy Father's Day.
327
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:37,439
Back at home, my father stillhad the house to himself...
328
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,707
Rochelle?
329
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,046
Chris?
330
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,481
...whether he liked it or not.
331
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:45,085
ANNOUNCER:
And if you order now,
332
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,388
you'll get this setof microwavable...
333
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,560
MAN:
In the citythat never sleeps...
334
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:52,629
WOMAN:
Psychic StationTV Network...
335
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,529
MAN:
This proud father gooseis no exception.
336
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,532
He graciously watches overand protects his chicks,
337
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,095
assuring their safetyuntil they are old enough
338
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,144
to fend for themselves.
339
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:05,569
In the wild, babies arealmost never abandoned
340
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:08,675
and rarely left alone forany extended period of time.
341
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:10,408
CHRIS ROCK:
A great man once said,
342
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,053
"Nothing screams louderthan the sound of silence."
343
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,179
I think it was Nipsy Russell.
344
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:19,422
Thank you. Enjoy your show.
345
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:22,322
Hi. Um, can I have
one adult, two children
346
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:28,086
Youmustthink I'm a fool.
347
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:30,058
You want me to believe
he's under 12?
348
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,626
JULIUS:
Yeah, she does.
349
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,395
TONYA: Daddy!
DREW: Dad!
350
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,144
ROCHELLE:
What are you doing here?
351
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,199
I missed you guys.
352
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,138
Father's Day
without your family...
353
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:43,013
it's like not being a father.
354
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,613
That look means,
355
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,554
"That's what I was tryingto tell your stupid ass!"
356
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:49,050
Come here.
357
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:53,150
Where's Chris?
Oh, he went to buy you a gift.
358
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,556
But I told...
Julius, please, just promise me
359
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:59,528
you will act like it's the best
gift you've ever gotten.
360
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,759
I promise.
All right.
361
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,195
All right.
362
00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:05,529
Uh, that'll be two kids,
two adults
363
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:09,035
for, uh,Trading Places.
364
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,069
There you go.
What's this?
365
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,644
Father's Day special,
two for one.
366
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,343
[REGISTER BEEPING]
367
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,052
Happy Father's Day, Daddy.
368
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,451
I made these for you.
369
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,322
I know you said
don't get you a gift,
370
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:27,091
but I wanted something
in case you changed your mind.
371
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:31,290
Oh! Macaroni-covered
slippers! Ha-ha!
372
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,464
It goes with the macaroni
cigar box I got last year.
373
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,404
I know.
374
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:38,667
Dad, I got something
for you too.
375
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,368
Oh, what's this?
376
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,474
A bottle of iodine?
377
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,613
No, no, no, it's cologne.
I made it myself.
378
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:48,238
I just couldn't find
a bottle to put it in,
379
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:50,614
so I poured the iodine out
and put it in there.
380
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,813
Boy, that iodine cost 99...
381
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,176
[CLEARS THROAT]
382
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,152
[DOOR OPENS]
[SNIFFS]
383
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,154
Mm, that smells good.
384
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,656
Ha-ha, thank you, Drew.
ROCHELLE: Oh, that's nice.
385
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,619
Oh, man, thank you so much.
Chris?
386
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,087
You know I was about
to call the police, right?
387
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:08,627
Hey, Chris, where you been?
388
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,501
I was trying to find you
a gift for Father's Day.
389
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,701
[MOUTHING WORDS]
390
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,632
Well, I'm sure whatever you got,
391
00:17:14,668 --> 00:17:16,138
it's fine.
392
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,639
That's the thing.
I looked all over,
393
00:17:17,671 --> 00:17:21,241
but I couldn't find you anything
I thought you would like.
394
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:23,384
Doesn't matter.
It's the thought that counts.
395
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,550
So did you find something?
396
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,308
Not really.
397
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,517
It's more of,
I did something for you.
398
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,849
[***]
399
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:40,433
What? What is it?
400
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,130
It's a receipt.
401
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,802
He paid the electric bill.
402
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:47,470
Oh, baby, that is so...
403
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,700
CHRIS:
When I asked if I
could get you anything,
404
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,466
you said I could help you
knock out a bill.
405
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,205
That was the only one
I could afford.
406
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:58,406
Thanks, son.
407
00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:01,245
My father never really caredmuch about presents,
408
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,421
but giving him a reasonto smile
409
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,550
was the best thingI could ever do for him.
410
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:08,585
This is the best gift
I ever got.
411
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:12,761
I'll remember this forever.
Happy Father's Day.
412
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,162
I'm proud of you, Chris.
413
00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:16,264
Becoming more
of a man every day.
414
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:17,696
Thanks, Dad.
415
00:18:17,731 --> 00:18:19,271
You know, I was thinking,
416
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,369
it might be a good idea
if you get a job
417
00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:23,341
and start paying a bill
every month.
418
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:27,670
* Everybody hates Chris
419
00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:34,478
Stay tuned for scenesfrom our next episode.
420
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:40,223
[***]
421
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:43,223
* Aw, make it funky now
30383
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