Original subtitles

Counter-Strike, Hyper Scape, Call of Duty.

What do these mega-franchises have in common?

-Battle royale. -No.

Absolutely not.

What's wrong with battle royale?

Nothing. It's a last-man-standing survival mode

that everyone's doing a version of these days.

They're doing it because it's the cheapest way to get the youngest players possible.

-It's a fad. It will not work in our game. -Then make it work.

It's a big, fat whale carcass just sitting on a beach.

We should be gorging on it like the other seagulls.

Well, I'm not a seagull.

-Not yet, you're not. -Not yet? What is that supposed to mean?

I'm just gonna turn into a bird?

Can we please focus on the expansion?

We have the stage-gate meeting with Montreal next week.

-Where are we with Titan's Rift? -We're jammin'.

We're good.

Okay, good.

'Cause earlier you guys were disagreeing on what direction to go in, so…

Yes, yes. But we figured that out,

and we've been working really well together.

Yeah, we're doing both our ideas.

So we split the expansion down the middle, and now Ian has his half and I have mine.

That's not working together. That's working separate.

Either way, it fixed everything, because we haven't fought in weeks.

Oh, no. This is bad.

I've seen this pattern before.

It's the calm before the divorce.

Oh, God.

Jesus Christ, David. We are not your parents.

I was talking about my own divorce.

Although, both apply, actually.

David, you've got nothing to worry about. We're stronger than we've ever been.

That is the third time a woman has said that to me in my life, I'll have you know.

First was my mom, then my ex, and now it's Poppy Li.

Good Lord, man. Get a grip.

The stage-gate meeting is going to be fine. Promise.

-After you. -Thank you, Ian.

Of course.

Something bad is gonna happen.

Yeah.

Morning.

-Morning. -Morning.

Everything seems copacetic on the old home front, huh?

We're gonna need to take…

-Yeah. Looks that way. -Yep.

Yep, yep, yep.

A lot of downtime till the stage-gate meeting.

Lot o' downtime.

Ignore him. He's trying to draw us into discussing a personal issue.

Started dating again. Well, joined the apps.

Yeah. Lotta apps. Lot o' apps.

Old Dirty Dave dropped his line off the back of the boat.

Yeah, time to sit back and wait for some nibbles.

Oh, my God, David, you're not dating. You're trawling for a death partner.

Sorry. I couldn't help it.

It's okay.

You took the bait. Probably the only woman who will.

Hello, Kristin.

Smoker.

Well, I guess I could start smoking.

He's gonna get eaten alive.

Not necessarily.

It's a question of marketing. See, David's a loot box.

As a commodity in the sexual marketplace,

he should present himself like a loot box.

Offer a tempting exterior--

To hide the fact there's probably just garbage inside.

As soon as the woman realizes she's been duped,

cognitive dissonance will kick in, and she'll convince herself she wants it,

-even though she knows she doesn't. -Right.

Hey! I am not filled with garbage.

C.W.?

Decline.

Uh-oh.

What is this? What is happening?

-Hey, Poppy. -Hey.

What's goin' on?

It was getting a little crowded in there with my new team.

So we're just gonna work out of my old office for a little bit.

-You're separating? -What?

No, we're still working together, just from separate offices. It's easier.

To have two places, right. This is bad.

David! Stop being so dramatic. This is temporary, okay?

I'm gonna move back in as soon as I'm done working on Hera.

Yeah, right, that's what she said.

C.W. is calling me. Decline.

Wait, what is Hera?

Ian and I came up with code names for our separate halves of the expansion.

His is Zeus, mine is Hera. It's just simpler.

To have different names.

Right. Right. I'm feeling very triggered right now.

Who is it? If it's C.W., decline it.

-No, it's J. Alfred Prufrock? -J. Alfred.

No, no, don't--

My deception worked.

Forgive this cloak-and-dagger routine, but I must speak with someone.

My very life is at stake.

Hey, how's your life at stake? Did you get the virus?

Worse. A parasite is threatening my literary life.

My publisher is trying to rob me of my characters.

My stories. My life's work.

The little bloodsucker sent me this letter. Here, I'll screen share it.

Breach of contract?

They're claiming ownership over C.W.'s intellectual property.

All because I haven't delivered the final installment

of my seminal Anaren trilogy.

Damn it! I won't let them write the conclusion for me.

You know what? I'm gonna help.

Thank you, Brad.

Sorry, not you. I'm gonna get David a date.

The man is an unsellable loot box. Much more challenging.

You take the C.W. thing. It's a good test.

What? No, I'm not ready to--

You're gonna be fine. Just remember, in a negotiation,

what you think is your greatest strength can actually be your greatest weakness.

This is

exactly what I asked for.

Yep.

Which is a problem. Where are we with time?

On time and under budget.

Under budget?

Wow. That is a problem.

Why is that a problem?

I've never been on time and under budget. It's not a good sign.

Do you not like the work?

I love the work, Phil. The work is perfect.

But don't you see how that's a problem?

You're agreeing with everything I say, and then you're giving in to all my demands.

You want me to fight with you?

Yeah, but I don't want you to plan for it.

It has to happen organically, like it does with Poppy.

The high pressure and the friction,

that's what turns coal into diamonds.

-How much friction would you like? -You're fucking useless!

I'm sorry, man. You're fine, I guess, as an art director or whatever,

but I need someone that challenges me.

And let's be honest, if we went at it,

I'd turn you into a pretzel both physically and intellectually.

You're the boss.

Buddy. You gotta stop now because I'm losing respect for you.

No. No.

Not one person in this room bought that.

Okay. Why don't you go ahead and take a knee?

Get up. Holy shit, man.

Hey, Ian, your mom is on the phone for you.

My mom?

Hello?

-Battle royale. -Fuck off, Brad.

-Stop thinking about it. -I can't.

I'm sorry. You're really good at game design, and I'm an idiot,

and I just totally screwed up Grouchy Goat for you.

No, you didn't. You screwed it up for us.

I'm still gonna make it happen. Just gotta find another way.

We don't wanna be sittin' on this couch forever, right?

Yeah. Totally.

We both got big dreams.

Huge, and…

I just know another opportunity is gonna come along for you, Dana.

And when it does, I--

Hey, tester. I got a job for you.

-Her? -Me?

Sorry. Yeah, you're the hostile, shrill one, right?

Okay. Dismissing women based on the perceived tone of their voice is--

Great. Yeah, you're the one. Let's go.

Come on.

See you, I guess.

Can it bypass verification?

Okay, so, if the other indication servers could--

bypass verification…

Can we get some more chairs?

Shut up, Glasses! I'm thinking!

I am so sorry. I did not mean to yell at you, Glasses.

-Anthony. -Anthony. Anthony.

I'm not mad at you guys. You--

You are brilliant.

I just-- I'm a little bit stressed about the stage-gate meeting

because I don't have anything to show Montreal,

and how am I supposed to explain all of this to them

in a way they'll understand?

You wanna disrupt the MQ server client architecture with a cloud-based solution

that can simultaneously handle persistent environmental changes across all instances

and manage the biggest concurrent player load ever conceived.

-Yes! -Which is impossible.

No!

It's not impossible. It just hasn't been done before

because I haven't figured out a way to do it yet.

God, why is there always one downer in every group? Am I right?

I hired you to build me up.

You hired us to build Hera.

Yeah, that too. Look.

Ian had this way of stroking my ego and bolstering my confidence

to the point where I felt like I could overcome anything.

But you can't overcome the laws of physics.

You can't, dick!

See, and now you've made me yell again.

-Hey. -What do you want?

Sorry to bother you,

but I think you're a genius.

Maybe the most talented programmer of our generation.

Can you teach me to code?

I wanna become a brilliant programmer just like you.

Dana, you had me at "genius."

-Glasses, give her your chair. -Seriously?

-Really? -Yeah.

I think that I should have at least one employee

that thinks I'm the greatest programmer that ever lived.

-I said "of our generation." -Do you want the seat or not?

You heard the genius. Move your ass, Glasses.

I like you.

Mr. Strauss, your five o'clock is here.

Hello. Jim Strauss.

-Where is Mr. Longbottom? -Right here.

Say hello, C.W.

I muted him for his own safety.

Mr. Longbottom didn't wanna risk exposure of any kind.

I'm sure you understand. So I'll be speaking for him today.

Please, sit, sit.

And who are you?

Someone who sees right through your game.

Let me guess, you took a look at the entertainment landscape

and saw a big payday coming your way if you could get your grubby little hands

on the adaptation rights to C.W.'s trilogy.

So instead of granting him a reasonable extension

to let him finish his story on his terms,

you're rushing his creative vision.

Which may be good for your bottom line,

but it sure as shit won't get you one of these.

Where did that come from?

Never mind that. Now give us a six-month extension!

The third book was due in 1982.

May I use your restroom?

Yeah, it's…

Shit, shit, shit.

David, my team and I have been analyzing your social media,

and I don't know where to begin.

Hashtagging "YumYum" on food pics.

Posting your wedding photos on your dating profile?

Well, those are the best pictures I have, man.

I got hair and makeup. I cut her out.

David, she cut you out.

Look, man. I don't know if I'm comfortable with--

I can't hear you.

I said I'm-- I'm uncomfortable with this.

I can't hear anything you're saying. Speak up.

I am embarrassed by you showing all this.

That's weird, because you weren't embarrassed

showing this to the entire world.

Hey, guys. Super excited because

I just got my hands on the Canyon Grail CF SLX 8.0 gravel bike.

Usually retails for about 5,000.

I managed to snatch her up for 4,500, which was a bit of a coup.

Dizzy Dave's Steal of the Week.

Let's scrub all this shit, guys.

Wait. What? You're gonna delete all my social media?

The first thing a potential date is gonna do is google you.

Your online presence is gonna shoot us before we're out of the gate.

Okay, but won't I look like a serial killer

if there's literally nothing about me online?

Hey, man, at least serial killers offer up a little mystique.

Unlike your bike shorts. Have a seat.

What is this?

Divorcée Dance Party.

This is a Japanese dating sim.

We're gonna soft launch you.

We're gonna roll you out in a market we don't give a shit about,

then tweak everything that doesn't work.

Once you get through 10 exchanges with a sim woman

without her rejecting you, I'll know the product--

-The human being with feelings. -The human being with feelings

is ready to be sold off like a steer at auction.

Love.

Okay. Here we go.

Old Dirty Dave's gonna cast a line, maybe catch a shark.

-You know what I'm sayin'? -Yeah.

Career woman. Here we go.

Here we go. Let's see what you got.

Shake it out. Yeah, shake it out.

Can I buy you a drink?

Good start.

-At a bar. Pretty natural. -All right.

-Think she's writing something back. -Uh-oh.

"How about I buy you a drink?"

Three points.

-All right, let's do this. -All right.

-"I like a woman who takes charge." -Nice.

-"Make mine a Manhattan." -Good drink.

-"A lot of sugar"-- -Why are you still writing?

"But worth the calories. #YumYum."

She's writing.

"My friends are leaving. Gotta go. Bye."

Her friends are leaving. Probably her ride.

She's walking over to that hunky dude.

Why would they animate that? That's just, like, cruel.

Hey, it's all good. It's your first time.

Yeah, you're right.

Hey, Shaq didn't hit every three-pointer he made, right?

Shaq didn't really shoot three-pointers. He played primarily in the post.

-I don't know much about basketball. -Yeah.

Can we get some menus? We're gonna be ordering dinner.

Brad was wrong about me. I'm not a shark, and I never will be.

And I'm no artist. I'm a doddering old penny-a-liner,

trapped in a prison of his own mediocrity.

Occupied! Get the fuck out!

What made me think I could complete my trilogy?

I've always bitten off more than I could chew.

It reminds me of when I purchased the services

of an oriental ladyboy in Phnom Penh.

You can't say that. It's derogatory.

No, you misunderstand, Josephine. I hired her.

I was an admirer. In fact, I was in love with her.

That is, until the little tart zip-tied me to the radiator

and robbed me blind.

Jesus, can you stop being offensive for, like, two minutes?

Half the shit you say could get you canceled. You are a total liability.

Damn this loose tongue of mine.

You're right. I am a liability.

The biggest.

Wait a second. That's what Brad meant.

C.W., you're my greatest strength.

I apologize for my behavior earlier.

It was needlessly hostile, and that's really just not me.

In truth, we should be thanking you.

The adaptation of C.W.'s work will really help raise his profile.

Well, we wish Mr. Longbottom all the best in his future endeavors, so--

And, for his part,

C.W. wants to ensure the success of the film and TV projects

by helping promote them.

He can't wait to talk to the press about all his sources of inspiration.

Isn't that right, C.W.?

Indeed. You may ask yourself

how many times must a man be waylaid by oriental ladyboys

before he learns his lesson?

Well, in my case, three.

Only three? I thought it was four.

Yes, my dear child. It was four. I'm being modest.

Sorry, what is he talking about?

Soliciting transgender sex workers in Southeast Asia.

It's the origin story of Chimera, the central character in his trilogy.

Oh, my God.

You're familiar with the sci-fi writer, Orson Scott Card.

The film version of Ender's Game didn't do so well

after his views on homosexuals came to light.

And J.K. Rowling got canceled with a couple keystrokes.

So maybe it's in everyone's best interest we discuss a new contract.

One that allows C.W. to finish his trilogy on his terms.

Otherwise, you've got an 80-year-old man

who's recently become quite savvy with an Internet connection.

And he knows how to screen share.

My entire desktop.

Fine! Fine! Fine.

You have the extension.

Huzzah!

Thank you. Very nice to meet you, sir.

"It's getting late, big boy. Isn't it past your bedtime?"

Hey. This is it, okay?

Just get past this exchange, and you'll be ready for the real world.

Should I tell her that it actually is past my bedtime?

'Cause on the weekends, I go to bed early to hit the farmers market.

-No? Fight my instincts. Right. -Yeah.

No.

I can't look. I can't look.

"Wanna get out of here and go back to my place?"

-What? Wait, what? Yes! -Hey!

-David, you did it! -I did it! I did it! Yes!

What is this? What is this?

You were interacting with real women.

The interface was so you wouldn't get in your head and muddy the data.

-What about Paul? -I'm the career woman.

Yeah. We're still a little light on the ladies at MQ.

-So, was I chatting with David? -Yes, you were. Yeah.

David, meet Sue, the girl next door.

And, of course, Carol, the vixen.

Brad, you told me this was a new sexual harassment training software.

Are you using company time and company equipment

to help David find a date?

Actually, Carol, you are.

And if I'm not mistaken, I think you just propositioned our pal David here for sex.

Carol, naughty.

That is not what happened.

I was testing the parameters of what I thought was a new HR tool.

Blimey, Carol. I wouldn't let David in my knickers for a million quid.

-Thanks, Paul. -I mean--

Carol, are you gonna let him say that?

Sue. We didn't match up? I thought we had a good rapport.

Yes, well, David,

I just cannot imagine being the vessel to your seed.

Does that make sense?

-That does make sense. -Okay.

Thank you.

What matters is that eventually, you matched up with Carol.

-Carol, yes. -Yes.

Yeah, I did, and she's a human being.

-Right? -You know?

That counts. She's got a pulse.

-That's good. -Right.

David, I don't wanna hurt your feelings,

but I could not dislike you more

or be less physically attracted to you.

Great.

Great.

But hey, man, all we gotta do is apply this to your dating profile,

and we're gonna land you a woman.

Yeah.

A woman who hates me.

Hey, man, a sale's a sale. We got this.

Yeah. Thanks, man.

Fuck.

Okay, so…

It's all great, and you love it,

but you don't wanna show it to Montreal because it's not good enough,

and it's also exactly what you're looking for?

It's just not that hard to understand.

What do you want from me, man?

I want you to be your normal, indignant, annoying self.

I am not annoying, okay?

Just because I speak truth to power doesn't mean--

Yes. That's it.

Keep doing all that annoying stuff except make it about me and not the world.

Okay. You're short?

You're short! I'm not short! I'll kick you through that goddamn window!

-How is this helping you? -It isn't!

-I don't know what to do! -Shit.

What did you think was happening just then? Did you just flinch?

Did you think I was gonna hit you?

I didn't know if you were gonna punch or kiss me.

Why would I kiss you? I'm gay!

-It's happened before, all right? -Oh, my God!

It doesn't matter. I don't know what we're talking about at this point.

I'm so confused.

Can you see anything? What are they doing?

Looks like they're working.

What's that supposed to mean? We're working.

I didn't say we weren't.

Stop disagreeing with me. This is so bad.

He's gonna have so much more than me. I'm screwed.

You're right?

You're meant to support me.

I was just keeping it a hundred with you.

Maybe try keeping it 75 with me. I'm your boss.

Okay. Sorry.

Jesus Christ!

He just snapped his laptop in half. He looks mad.

Shit. Ian is on fire when he starts breaking things.

Shit, shit, shit. I have nothing to show Montreal.

When they see all of Ian's work, they're gonna kill my half of the expansion.

I just need one good idea to buy myself some time.

Hey, Poppy!

Goddamn it. Did he have that made?

All right. Fine.

-Let's get to-- -Oh, my God.

My legs. My fucking legs have gone to sleep!

Help me. Help me up. I can't--

Make me go standing up. Ow! Don't touch them.

-Okay. -But help me.

Maybe… No. Just rub for a second.

-No, don't touch them! -I don't know what to do.

She wouldn't date me in, like, a million years.

Oh, yeah. Maybe if I had a different face.

As if.

There's my favorite commodity.

Don't you mean unsellable loot box filled with garbage?

Come on. I was wrong about that, all right?

See, you can't be a loot box,

because when someone buys a loot box, they're stuck with it.

If a woman is unhappy with you,

she'll toss you back, and that's a return, not a sale.

We gotta think about you like a burlap sack.

A burlap sack?

Boom. The least popular item in MQ's online store.

It's not flashy. It's not fun, but the people who do buy it need it.

It's useful. It's reliable, and it can carry shit.

That's all a certain type of woman is looking for.

-Is this supposed to make me feel better? -No, but this will.

-Check out your new dating profile. -What? You redid my dating profile?

I have a date tonight with Linda?

That's my mom's name. That's great.

No. Jane from Yorba Linda.

That's a bit of a drive, isn't it?

Couldn't really find anybody in the urban areas, or suburban.

Had to go rural.

Actually, more agricultural, and got some nibbles there.

But Jane's a catch. She's a teacher.

She owns her own home, and unlike the smoker, she has no arrest record.

No arrest record? Oh, my God. That's hard to find.

Yes. She's just a nice, lonely woman.

Be Jane's burlap sack, David.

I will carry her load.

Okay, give me that back.

Thanks, bud. Love you, Brad.

-Not as much as I love Linda. -Jane.

Jane, right. Not my mom.

Right.

-Hey, Pop, Pop, Pop. -Hey. Hi.

Hey.

-What are we doing? -I think it's the stage-gate meeting.

No, I mean, you and me.

You know, we used to be such great partners.

I feel like the only time we see each other is when we're arguing about money.

What are you saying?

Maybe… you and I should give it another shot.

What if you moved back into the office, and we tried to work together again?

For the sake of the game.

We could be one big happy expansion again.

You wanna get back together?

Well, yeah. You know, for the game. For the game, but also--

Hey, Poppy!

Hey, just got the demo.

Battle royale mode looks incredible! Montreal's gonna be stoked!

You did a battle royale?

No. It's a tournament-style, last-man-standing mode

where the players battle for supremacy--

Battle royale.

So, we were on a break… to be clear.

You did it. You turned into a seagull.

Baby!

You only did this to turn Montreal against me.

Oh, please. Ian, not everything's about you.

You don't want them to like me, do you? You want them to like you and not me.

No. I did what's best for the game.

You did what's best for you!

Oh, please, Ian, not everything is about you.

-Yikes. It doesn't look good. -Oh, I'm sorry.

You wanna yell in front of them?

That, Brad, is my childhood.

-Look at what you're doing to them! -And your marriage.

-And my marriage. -Not about me?

This is what always happens. You think that everything that I do--

Let's just do this in front of everybody. Is that what you want?

Now you're embarrassed about people…

Hey, guys. I'll be performing "Run-Around" by Blues Traveler.

I like coffee and I like tea

To be able to enter the final plea

I still got those dreams That you just can't shake

I love you to the point That you can no longer take

But okay, all right Let's feel that way

But yeah

Why you gotta give me the runaround?

It's a surefire way to… things up

Me down

Love that song. If you like it, click "like," please.