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1
00:01:01,975 --> 00:01:03,567
All aboard.
2
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The steamer Southern Star
now sailing for Memphis,
3
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Vicksburg, Baton Rouge,
4
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New Orleans, and Cucamonga.
5
00:01:14,421 --> 00:01:17,652
Get your tickets ready. Your ticket, sir.
6
00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:19,487
What, no ticket?
7
00:01:19,593 --> 00:01:22,653
We'll have no stowaways
on this boat, sir!
8
00:01:25,799 --> 00:01:28,563
Get your tickets ready, gentlemen.
9
00:01:41,148 --> 00:01:43,844
Eh, what's up, doc?
10
00:01:44,518 --> 00:01:47,646
Your ticket, if you please, sir?
11
00:01:54,161 --> 00:01:58,564
I've got three queens.
What do y'all got, sir?
12
00:01:58,765 --> 00:02:00,824
- Four kings.
- What?
13
00:02:04,404 --> 00:02:06,304
I'm Colonel Shuffle.
14
00:02:06,406 --> 00:02:10,433
The rip-roarin'est, gold-dingin'est,
sharp-shootin'est, poker-playin'est
15
00:02:10,510 --> 00:02:15,243
riverboat gambler on the Mississippi.
Yahoo!
16
00:02:16,149 --> 00:02:17,980
Be there anyone man enough
17
00:02:18,084 --> 00:02:21,247
to sit in a poker game
with Colonel Shuffle?
18
00:02:21,822 --> 00:02:24,120
Well, be there?
19
00:02:29,629 --> 00:02:31,460
There be.
20
00:02:33,767 --> 00:02:35,496
How many chips, sir?
21
00:02:38,472 --> 00:02:41,032
A hundred bucks' worth, eh?
22
00:02:45,278 --> 00:02:49,339
Stranger, you don't know
what you're in for.
23
00:02:58,959 --> 00:03:03,020
I've got five aces. What've you got, sir?
24
00:03:03,230 --> 00:03:06,666
I have got six aces, sir.
25
00:03:13,006 --> 00:03:16,908
If and I had four feet and went, "Hee haw,"
26
00:03:17,177 --> 00:03:20,977
- what would I be?
- Why, you'd be a jackass.
27
00:03:21,181 --> 00:03:25,481
- Choose your weapon!
- Oh, for me?
28
00:03:25,852 --> 00:03:30,846
- You shouldn't have, sir.
- No! This is a duel, sir!
29
00:03:31,591 --> 00:03:35,891
Remember, take five paces, turn, and fire.
30
00:03:41,401 --> 00:03:44,234
And the gentleman wins a cigar!
31
00:04:16,236 --> 00:04:17,726
What a goon!
32
00:04:17,837 --> 00:04:22,171
Why for did you splash me
in the Mississippi mud?
33
00:04:29,883 --> 00:04:31,874
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
34
00:04:31,952 --> 00:04:36,082
You're just in time for the big show.
Uncle Tom's Cabinet.
35
00:04:36,189 --> 00:04:40,922
Here you are, sir, one ticket left.
Here you are. Right this way, sir.
36
00:04:41,027 --> 00:04:42,961
Right this way.
37
00:04:48,902 --> 00:04:52,702
- What a...
- Why did you dunk my poor old hide
38
00:04:52,772 --> 00:04:57,300
in Old Man River,
when I bought a loge seat?
39
00:04:58,078 --> 00:05:01,104
Uh-uh, doc, it's full of water.
40
00:05:28,074 --> 00:05:30,133
Eh, what's cooking, doc?
41
00:05:30,944 --> 00:05:34,072
I seem to be in a terrible quandary, sir.
42
00:05:34,147 --> 00:05:36,945
Could you change a ten spot, sir?
43
00:05:37,050 --> 00:05:40,042
I'd prefer a profusion of pennies.
44
00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:44,584
Are you sure it's a good one?
Lots of counterfeits around, you know.
45
00:05:44,658 --> 00:05:47,126
Ah, well, you gotta trust somebody.
46
00:05:47,227 --> 00:05:51,891
Let's see now, $1.10, $1.20,
47
00:05:52,432 --> 00:05:56,425
- $1.21.
- Thank you, sir. Keep the change.
48
00:06:06,813 --> 00:06:09,338
Oh, you beast, you cad.
49
00:06:09,783 --> 00:06:11,683
It's getting so a girl can't travel alone
50
00:06:11,785 --> 00:06:14,583
without you riverboat mashers
getting fresh.
51
00:06:14,988 --> 00:06:17,957
I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm powerful sorry.
52
00:06:18,024 --> 00:06:19,958
Mighty sorry.
53
00:06:21,428 --> 00:06:23,760
Mighty powerful sorry.
54
00:06:30,503 --> 00:06:32,971
Oh, kind sir, save me.
55
00:06:33,039 --> 00:06:36,372
Save me from that horrible beast.
56
00:06:36,476 --> 00:06:38,307
What's this? What's this?
57
00:06:38,378 --> 00:06:41,609
Here, here, now, missy. I'll save you.
58
00:06:43,116 --> 00:06:44,947
Chivalry ain't dead!
59
00:06:45,151 --> 00:06:49,281
I can't allow you to molest
that little flower of the South.
60
00:06:49,689 --> 00:06:51,520
Take that, sir!
61
00:06:55,328 --> 00:06:57,319
Did he hurt you, honey child?
62
00:06:57,430 --> 00:07:01,457
No, I was just terribly, terribly frightened.
63
00:07:02,001 --> 00:07:05,027
And you're so big and so strong.
64
00:07:05,438 --> 00:07:08,965
Why, poor helpless little me
was just lost till you...
65
00:07:09,042 --> 00:07:13,672
Think nothing of it, missy.
It was a pleasure, I assure you.
66
00:07:24,390 --> 00:07:27,450
Oh, well, we almost
had a romantic ending.
4900
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