All language subtitles for Wizards Beyond Waverly Place s01e02 Mortal Vibes Only.eng

[? upbeat rock music
playing, concluding]

Okay, Woogle, send
a message to Alex.

- [chimes]
- Hey, Alex.

Don't worry, I'm not in trouble.

Actually, I've been at your
brother's house for 12 hours

and I haven't screwed up bad
enough to get kicked out yet.

Granted, nine of those
hours I was sleeping,

but still, a win's a win.

[sighs] I really
wanna stay here,

so I'm gonna be the
best guest ever.

I'm gonna do nice
stuff and pitch in.

I don't wanna jinx it,

but I think this
is gonna work out.

Then again, I did
fail my jinx final,

so scratch that last part.

And send.

Let's see. Nice stuff.

What's nice?

Ooh! I got it. A houseplant.

Mm. No one notices a houseplant.

Ooh! I know.

Too nice. That'll
get him arrested.

[sighs]

I'm overthinking. I'll
just keep it simple.

Make him a nice breakfast.

[whispering] Billie!

[Giada] Aw!

Are you making me eggs?

Well, they certainly
don't make themselves.

- Thank you.
- Uh-huh. Yeah.

[knock on door]

[Billie gasps]

An egg was scrambling
itself on my stove.

Did you want sunny side up?

You, lair, now.

You were using magic.

Isn't that why Alex
brought me here?

So you could train me
to control my magic?

Yeah, in the lair.
Giada almost saw.

My wife, she's an
investigative reporter.

She asks questions for a living.

And I do not want her
knowing about my wizard past.

Okay, so... so in here, wizard.
Out there, mortal. Do we got it?

No problem, I can act
like a mortal teenager.

I'm literally starving.
Get out of my room.

Where even is my charger?

Wow, you nailed that.

[? theme song playing]

? Everything is
not what it seems ?

? When you can have
what you want ?

? By the simplest of means ?

? Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ?

? Because everything
is not what it seems ?

? You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ?

? Because everything
is not what it seems ?

? Yes, please ?

- ? What it seems ?
- [? theme song ends]

- Morning, Giada.
- Hey, Billie. How'd you sleep?

Great. Comfy mattress,
cozy blanket,

no dragon screeching
at 6:00 a.m.

Dragon?

She's joking.
[chuckles nervously]

It's a joke.

Right, a joke. [chuckles]

I was joking.

Hey, Dad, so it's
new comic book day,

and Milo and I were taking
stock of our finances.

Turns out we don't have any.

Dad, it occurred to us,

we haven't been paid
allowance in two weeks.

Oh. Is that right? Hey,
Giada, question for you.

When's the last time the
boys washed the dishes?

You know, I think it
was two weeks ago.

Which, if I'm not mistaken,

is also the last time they
cleaned their bathroom.

[spits]

That bathroom hasn't been
cleaned in two weeks?

I don't wear shoes in there.

Whoa, hold on.

You guys aren't
paying us allowance

because we didn't do chores?

Yeah, that's how
allowance works.

Grandma gives me money for
being cute. Just saying.

If you want your allowance,
you have to do your chores.

Okay, but that's
gonna take forever.

- I can help.
- Really?

Yeah, I live here
now. I can pitch in.

Billie, that is so sweet.
She's been here two days, boys.

Two days and she's
already my favorite.

[together] But I'm the favorite!

[together] Wait a minute.

All right, let's
do these chores.

How can I help?

Let's see, how could a
wizard help with chores?

Oh, here's an idea.

You could cast a spell that
does our chores for us.

I thought you didn't
like her doing magic.

Milo, we have two
weeks of chores to do.

I'd let her conjure
another floogie

if it would clean
our room for us.

Sorry, I can't use magic.

What? Why? Did you
lose your wand?

No, I still have my wand.

Then use it. I'm not
cleaning that bathroom.

Milo has terrible aim.

What can I say?
It's my one flaw.

I told you, I can't use magic.

- I get it, she doesn't know how.
- I know how!

Yesterday you were all,
"I'm a powerful wizard!"

- I am a powerful wizard!
- And today you're like,

"I don't know the
spells to do chores."

I know the spells.

I just promised your dad I
wouldn't use magic, okay?

Our dad?

Not because he's a wizard,

if that's what
you were thinking.

- I wasn't. But I am now!
- Dad's a wizard?

We gotta go talk
to him about this!

No, you can't!

- I wasn't supposed to tell you.
- Dad!

End whisper chant
with pure devotion,

bound by magic trapped
in slow motion.

- [distorted] Don't...
- I gotta find a way to fix this.

Hurry up, spit it out!

I'm just playing, I know you in
slow motion. I'll be right back.

[? upbeat rock music
playing, concluding]

Hey, Justin, I've been
thinking about Billie.

What about Billie? Like about
how she's such a neat kid

for offering to do chores?
What a superstar, am I right?

It's just, she's...
she's living with us now,

and I really don't know
anything about her.

I'm gonna go talk to her, ask
her some follow-up questions.

Follow-up questions? No, wait!

She's in there doing chores,
don't bother her, you know?

Maybe ask me,
maybe... maybe I know.

Okay, um, where's she from?

Oh, she's from Wiz... consin.

Wisconsin!

Okay, and what's she into?
Is she into music? Sports?

- Sports. Yep, sports.
- Yeah.

- So what's her favorite team?
- Uh...

You know, probably,
uh... the Wizards.

- That's weird.
- Is it? Why?

Well, she's from Wisconsin.
You'd think it'd be the Bucks.

You'd think that, yeah, right?
You'd totally think that.

Well, nothing I can
do about it now.

So, basketball, that...
that can't be all.

You know, look, I'm just
gonna go talk to her.

Of course that's not all, Giada.

She also loves to do spell...

ing bees. Spelling bees.

And... And... And
the musical, The Wiz.

And she loves her wand...

a Sykes.

Yep, big fan of Wanda Sykes.

Sports, comedy,
arts, and academics.

Sounds like a well-rounded,
interesting character to me.

So, does that answer
all your questions?

I guess?

[sighs in relief]

I cannot believe I made
up that whole backstory

like right off the
top of my head.

[sighs deeply]

Should I do improv?
No, that's ridiculous.

I should teach improv.

[? upbeat rock music
playing, concluding]

[sighs] Gotta find a way

to make the boys forget
what I told them.

Oh! They got Wizardpedia.

Welcome to Wizardpedia,

the all-knowing
wizard encyclopedia.

I need an erasing spell,
not because I messed up,

but I will be clearing
the search history.

I've got an erasing potion!

- Perfect!
- Section one, history. [clears throat]

The first recorded use of
an erasing potion was...

No time.

- In many cultures...
- No time!

Well, I do have a formula,

but I don't suppose you
have the time for that.

Quit playing, Wizardpedia.

[chuckles] Very well.

Two parts moonlight,
one part dragon scale,

and a pinch of shadow mist.

Now, gently, very
gently mix the...

Oh! Oh!

Or just do that. What do I know?

I'm only the
collective knowledge

of thousands of
years of wizardry.

Now, all I gotta do
is splash the guys

and their memories
will be erased.

Wait, you want to
erase their memory?

Oh, boy.

[? upbeat rock music
playing, concluding]

Hey, Billie. You
settling in okay?

Me? Yup. Settling in great.
Well, good talking to you.

Hold on a second.

I think we should talk about
this whole Wizards thing.

What? How do you
know about that?

Justin told me.

Justin told you about wizards?

Yeah. And, you know,
it's not a big deal.

But I just... I wouldn't go
around telling everybody.

I wouldn't. I would never.

'Cause, you know, you're
living in Staten Island now,

so your choices are really
only the Knicks or the Nets.

The what and the heh?

Basketball? Justin said the
Wizards are your favorite team.

Right! The Wizards.
Go basketball! See ya.

"Go basketball"?

[distorted] Don't...

Slow no more, swift restored,
back to full speed, I implore!

You dare cast a spell on us,

is what I was gonna say
before you cast a spell on us.

I can't believe
Dad's a wizard! Dad!

You can't tell him
that I told you.

This isn't the kind of information
you just, like, forget.

It is now. In a second,
you'll forget everything.

Why'd you do that?

- What is this?
- Erasing potion.

- Give me that.
- [crashes]

Please tell me you know a
spell for a new pair of chinos.

It didn't work. I still
know Dad's a wizard.

Something got erased. Milo,
your top half is gone.

Roman, your bottom half is gone.

Billie, you didn't erase
our memories, you erased us!

Any chance I erased me?

- No!
- Dang it!

[? upbeat rock music
playing, concluding]

This is a nightmare,
Monday's picture day!

- I can fix this.
- Are you crazy?

You're the one who did it!

In my defense, I was looking
for an erasing potion,

not an erasing potion!

Oh, I see where the
mix-up happened.

Dad's a wizard, he can fix this.

No, please, don't tell your dad.

Why not?

Come on, Milo.

I don't wanna get
kicked out, okay?

Kicked out?

It's happened at every
other place I live.

I mess up, and I get kicked out.

- My dad wouldn't do that.
- Really?

What would you do if the kid you
took in blew your biggest secret

and turned your
sons half invisible?

If it makes you feel any better,

I like to think of
us as half visible.

Please, you can't tell.

I have nowhere else to
go, just let me fix this.

Okay, fine, but you owe me.

In addition to the legs
you already owe me.

- Thank you.
- [Giada] Hey, guys.

It's your mom. Hide!

Hey, Giada, nothing to see here.

I mean everything to see here

because it's all here,
and you can see it.

Good to know.

Roman, if you see your father,
tell him I'm in the garage.

And don't forget
to do the dishes.

[Milo] I'm on it, Mom.

Was that Milo?

Uh, yeah, you just missed him.

He ran upstairs to go
clean the... shower.

[scoffs] Clean the shower?

Billie, you are such
a good influence.

[scoffs] You might wanna wait

till you get all the
facts on that one, Mom.

[Milo] Phew! Thought we
were busted for sure.

- [Justin] Giada?
- We still might be.

Hey, Justin, Giada wanted us to
tell you she's in the garage.

The garage?

Okay, I'll be back.

And Milo, how many times
do I gotta tell you?

Figure out what you want
before you open up the fridge.

[Milo] I did, string cheese.

That's what my fully visible
top half is looking for.

Well, save some for me,

'cause my fully visible top
half will want some later.

- [door opens, closes]
- [sighs] Okay.

Time to un-disappear you.

Where's my wand?

It was in my hand when
you spilled the...

Oh, no. My wand's invisible!

Okay, well, we have to find it!

- [Milo] I found it!
- My wand?

[Milo] No. The string cheese.

Now, I just gotta find my mouth.

[? upbeat rock music
playing, concluding]

Giada? You in here?

Hello, Justin.
Please, have a seat.

After our earlier
conversation about Billie,

I couldn't help feeling
like something's up.

Oh, no.

That's bright.

So, I'd like to ask you
some follow-up questions.

Follow-up questions.

So, let me get this straight.

You're saying that
Alex met Billie

at a dog-walking conference,

and took her under her
wing because, and I quote,

"Billie is the most
powerful dog-walker ever"?

Is that what I said?

I mean, if you said I said it,
then I must have said it, so...

Is it hot in here?

Yeah, the thing
is, I did a search

and there hasn't been a
dog-walking conference in Wisconsin

since 1962.

Are you sure about that?

Did you check the
whole internet?

You're not making sense.

I mean, this girl is
living in our house,

and I don't know
anything about her.

Well, Billie and I
are both wizards.

I just want to know what
color pillows she likes.

- Did you say "pillows"?
- Did you say "wizards"?

I said lizards.
Green. Lizard green.

Yeah, that's a color.

Tell me more about
these pillows.

Well, no, you know, I just
want to know what she likes

because I want to be able
to redecorate her room

so she'll feel more at home.

That's why you're
interrogating me?

Interrogating you?

Oh, honey, if I were interrogating
you, you'd be crying.

Exactly. And I'm not crying
at all, so... [sniffles]

Why don't we go check
out these pillows?

Okay, I'll go grab my keys.

Good, yeah, you drive, 'cause...

I got something in my eye.

[? upbeat rock music
playing, concluding]

Where's my wand?

[Milo] It'd be so much easier
to find if we could see it.

- [grunts]
- [objects clatter]

God, Milo, I tripped
on your dumb legs.

How'd you do that?

They're the one part
of him you can see.

[Milo] Uh, guys? The bottle!

The potion must've
made it disappear

when you guys were fighting.

But the flour made it visible.

That's it. That's
how we find my wand!

Do you guys have anything
else powdery around here?

A pouch of nibble warts?
Some ground shibble sticks?

A card to the Wally
Gog? No Wally Gog?

There's baking
soda in the fridge.

[chuckles] Baking soda,
that's a funny word.

[Justin in the distance]
Boys, can you give me a hand?

Somebody's gotta stall him.

- [Milo] Coming, Daddy!
- What? Not you, Milo!

- [Milo] Hey, Dad!
- Hey, Dad!

[Justin] Hey, guys.

Do some shopping, did we?

Are you wearing Milo's pants?

I suppose in this instance,
it would appear that I am.

Come on, wand, where are you?

There you are.

Hey, can you boys give me
a hand with these bags?

[chuckles] Sure thing, Dad.

Okay, we have to move
in perfect unison.

On three, step left.
One, two, three.

Why didn't you go left?

[Milo] It's not my fault.
I can't see my hands.

I don't know which
one makes the L.

Roman? Milo?

Dad, it's not what
it looks like!

Found my wand!

Justin, it's not
what it looks like!

Giada is right outside.

Quick, give me your
wand! Revealus!

- Justin?
- Giada!

It's not what it looks like!

You just did magic!

Okay, it is what it looks like.

Justin, what is going on?

Look,

there's something that I should
have told you a long time ago.

I'm a wizard.

[scoffs] A wizard?

I know. It sounds crazy.

Yes, it does.

But it's true.

I don't even... I don't
even know what this is.

Giada. Giada, wait. I...

- Justin, I'm sorry. I didn't...
- What were you thinking?

This is exactly the
kind of behavior

that got you kicked
out of WizTech.

- Dad.
- Guys, just...

Just go upstairs,
okay? Please. Go.

I told you not to use
magic outside of the lair.

How am I supposed to train
you if you won't listen?

I'll talk to Giada.
I can fix this.

No, I will talk to
Giada. You just...

just go.

- But I...
- Go.

[? somber instrumental
music playing]

Guess I did jinx it.

[? upbeat rock music playing]

What are you doing?

I want to make
sure Billie's okay.

Get back in here.

Hey, we're not in trouble,

and I'd like to
keep it that way.

Billie! Billie!

She won't come out.

I'll get her to come out.

Billie, the Magical Association
of Screw-ups just called.

They want to give you an award!

Yeah, she didn't zap me.
Maybe she's not in there.

She's gone.

You expect me to believe
there is a wizard world

that exists outside of our own?

Like Harry Potter?

Well, not close enough
that they could sue.

[chuckles] Right? But yeah.

It's not funny, Justin.

I feel like I don't
even know you.

No. You do know me, okay?

I am the same man
that you married.

Except also a wizard.

I just don't understand
why you didn't tell me.

[hesitates] Because that
part of my life... [sighs]

it didn't go the
way that I planned.

So, I left it in the past.
Or at least I thought I did,

but then Alex showed
up with Billie,

and she asked me
to train her and...

- Wait, Alex is a wizard?
- I know, it's shocking.

No, that's the first thing
you said that makes any sense.

She's way too cool
to be a dog-walker.

Look, I'm very sorry that
I kept this from you.

I have so many questions.

And I promise I will
answer them all, all right?

No more secrets. I promise.

Dad, did you kick Billie out?

What? Why would you ask that?

She said she's been kicked out
of everywhere she's ever lived.

And she's not in the house.

Where would she go?

She... She's probably
just in the lair.

We have a lair?

I promise you I'll explain
as soon as I'm back.

[? dramatic rock musical sting]

Billie? Billie!

Oh, no.

Uh...

[? tense instrumental
music playing]

You know, the nice thing
about having nowhere to go

is you can go anywhere you want.

Bummer is I actually
liked where I was.

[bus approaching]

- [? music concludes]
- [bus brakes hiss]

[Justin] Billie! Billie!

Why'd you run away?

I know how this goes. I mess
up, and I get kicked out.

Just like at WizTech. I'm
just saving you the trouble.

- No, no, no, no, no. This isn't WizTech.
- [bus departing]

But I ruined everything.

I did the one thing
you told me not to.

- You made a mistake.
- I make lots of mistakes.

[sighs]

You're supposed to. It's
a part of growing up.

But it doesn't mean that I'm
not going to forgive you.

I really did try to
keep your secret.

I should have never
asked you to do that.

That was my mistake.

Also the not telling
your wife and kids.

Also the not telling
my wife and kids, yeah.

[sighs]

But look, you're
not just a guest.

You live with us,
and in our family,

you don't get kicked out
for making a mistake.

Now, let's get home.

I was hoping you'd say that,

'cause I really like
living with you guys.

Well, I was hoping
you'd say that

because we really like
having you live with us.

So, since I'm not kicked out,

who do I talk to about
getting an allowance?

That'd be Giada, but
I'd wait a few days.

[? upbeat rock music
playing, concluding]

Look who I found.

Oh, thank goodness.
We were so worried.

Oh!

I don't love a group hug,
but I am glad you're back.

Me too.

Now, Billie, we wanted to do
something special for you,

but I just need you to know I
did not have accurate information

when I was shopping.

Yeah, that's on me.

Sorry I wasn't honest
about who Billie really is.

[clears throat]

Right, or about who I really am.

Since we're confessing things,

when I was invisible, I tried
out a rude hand gesture.

I didn't point it at
anyone, but I tried it.

Okay, let's go see the room.

I don't know what any of
this stuff is, but I love it.

- Thank you.
- Oh!

[sighs] Never had
my own room before.

Yeah! Me neither.

[? upbeat rock music
playing, concluding]

[? suspenseful
instrumental music playing]

A young wizard was here.

I will not stop
until I find them.

Soon, their power will be mine!

- [laughs maniacally]
- [? music concludes]

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