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[***]
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00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:08,375
NARRATOR:
In my house,everyone had a job.
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It was my father's jobto pay the bills.
4
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:14,151
I'm hungry.
And I'm cold.
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I'm hungry and cold.
6
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Eat a piece of cracker.
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Your father's coming.
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[DOOR SLAMS OPEN]
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I've got the money.
10
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[ALL CHEERING]
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00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:28,758
NARRATOR:
It was my mother's job to keepthe house and the kids in line.
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00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:30,295
Boy.
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00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,700
Quit leaving your socks
all over the place.
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Boy, mop the floor.
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Girl, clean up
the table.
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Good job, baby.
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00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:41,168
NARRATOR:
As kids, we only had one job:
18
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,507
go to schooland get decent grades.
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00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,653
KIDS:
Bye, Mommy. Love you.
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00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:48,779
Have a good day.
Don't come home stupid.
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KIDS:
We won't.
22
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NARRATOR:
I could usuallyget a good grade
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just by talkingabout Dr. Martin Luther King.
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Free at last, free at last.
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Thank God Almighty,we are free at last.
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NARRATOR:
In English class...
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My book report is on
Dr. Martin Luther King.
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NARRATOR:
In history...
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My history report is on
the Birmingham Bus Boycott
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led by Dr. Martin Luther King.
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The only placeMartin Luther King didn't work
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was in math.
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Chris, what's
the square root of 144?
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[***]
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1963? The same year that
Dr. Martin Luther King
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led the March on Washington?
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No, it's 12.
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[BELL RINGS]
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All right, class.
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Pick up your report cards
on the way out
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and bring them back
signed tomorrow.
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Oh, no.
What?
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I got an F.
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00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:44,272
Aw, man. That's rough.
45
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What's your mom
gonna say?
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I don't know, but it ain't
gonna be "Free at last."
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[***]
48
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* Aw, make it funky now
49
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[***]
50
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Look at my babies!
Drew, you got a B-plus in gym.
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Good job! You can have
whatever you want for dinner.
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Really? Thanks, Mom.
Mm-hmm.
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00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,416
Uh, can I have pork chops
and spaghetti?
54
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:37,955
You sure can.
Yes!
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Well, Mom, I got
a B in science.
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What do I get?
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You can have whatever
dessert you want.
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Uh, ice cream and cake?
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Ice cream and cake it is.
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Good job, baby.
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Ooh, boy, don't
you see me cooking?
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Sorry.
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Where's your report card?
They didn't hand them out yet.
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NARRATOR:
I couldn't bring myselfto tell my mother I got an F.
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Next to dealing drugs,getting bad grades
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was the worst thingyou could do.
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It was worse than this...
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00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:14,486
Tonya, what happened?
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00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,027
Mama, I had to smoke that fool.
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00:03:16,062 --> 00:03:20,572
Oh, not him. I'm talking about
this D you got in algebra.
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00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,300
NARRATOR:
And worse than this...
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Drew!
Where is that boy?
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What the hell is wrong
with you?
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00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,269
I'm following my dream, Mama.
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00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:29,978
I'm gonna be a country
and western singer.
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00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,980
I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about this F.
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00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:36,353
Now, take your Johnny Cashless
ass upstairs and study.
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00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,683
You think I'm
playing with you?
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00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,417
Where'd you get
that guitar?
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You better not be selling
drugs in my house.
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00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:42,918
NARRATOR:
I didn't know what to do,
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but I couldn't give herthat report card.
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Let me know
when you get it.
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Yes, ma'am.
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[***]
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00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:51,526
Need any help cooking?
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00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,474
Sure. Thank you, baby.
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NARRATOR:
I figured if I showed herhow useful I could be,
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00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:58,936
she wouldn't kill mewhen she found out.
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00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,982
While I was trying to figureout what to do about my F,
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00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:03,608
my father was home sick,
92
00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:05,613
trying to figure outhow he got the gout.
93
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:08,815
Oh, baby...
when did you get the gout?
94
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:11,348
I don't know.
It just happened.
95
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:14,754
NARRATOR:
I know you're probablywondering, what is the gout?
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00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:18,658
Well gout, or the gout
as some people like to call it,
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is a form of arthritis,
which causes severe swelling
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00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:23,598
usually in the ankle
or the big toe.
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00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:26,400
It's caused by a poor diet,
including things like...
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00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,673
smothered pork chops.
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00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,642
Needs some salt.
102
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:35,009
Smothered chicken-fried bacon.
103
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:37,081
Needs some salt.
104
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,608
And smothered
chicken-fried bananas.
105
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:44,449
Not bad.
106
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:46,324
Needs salt.
107
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,394
Are you out
your damn mind?
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00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:51,092
All right, I'm going
to work the phones
109
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,994
over at the real estate
office today.
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00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,456
Try not to eat any junk.
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00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:56,104
I'll be home in time
to make dinner.
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00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,659
I can't eat that stuff all day.
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You can if you want
to get rid of the gout.
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00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:03,038
Give me a kiss.
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Mmm.
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[***]
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00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,644
When are you gonna
turn in your report card?
118
00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:12,806
I was thinking, it's so busy
that if I didn't say anything,
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00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,946
Miss Morello will just
forget about it.
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00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,881
NARRATOR:
It didn't take much to graduatefrom my old school.
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00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:20,417
All you needed was a rideto the graduation.
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Who are you?
123
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,892
I was in Ms. Jenkins' class.
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00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:26,633
Oh. Here.
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00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,929
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]
126
00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:33,495
Thank you.
127
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:36,503
[***]
128
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:38,636
Chris,
where's your report card?
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00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:39,942
My mom's been really busy.
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00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,913
I promise I'll have it
by tomorrow.
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00:05:41,941 --> 00:05:42,911
Make sure you do.
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00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:48,975
NARRATOR:
Because my father was used toworking all the time,
133
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,845
staying home was tough.
134
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:53,694
But at least he got to watchone of his favorite things:
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00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,520
Soap operas.The Yankees were good,
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00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:59,126
but not betterthan soap operas.
137
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,989
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
[SIGHS]
138
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,157
NARRATOR:
At Corleone,if you needed something
139
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like a forged report cardor a tardy slip,
140
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,029
there was one guythat could get it for you,
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00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,668
and his name was Fischer.
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00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,773
GREG: Hey, Fischer.
Who's this?
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00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:12,735
Chris.
144
00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:14,472
Tell him
I'm not talking to him.
145
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:16,477
He's not talking
to you. Chris.
146
00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:18,079
He a friend of yours?
Yeah.
147
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,011
Pat him down.
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00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,176
[***]
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00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,789
He's clean.
What does he want?
150
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,121
I need a new--
Hey, hey.
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00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:31,686
Tell him
I'm not talking to him.
152
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,055
He's not talking to you.
153
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,763
He needs a new
report card.
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00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:36,704
He got an F, but he doesn't want
to show it to his mother.
155
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,630
Okay, I got it.
It's a two-part job.
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00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:41,125
He needs a report card with an A
for his mother to sign,
157
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:44,537
and a report card with an F with
his mother's signature on it.
158
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,571
So you'll do it?
I'm not talking to him.
159
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,206
He's not talking to you.
160
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,881
So you'll do it?
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00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,709
Okay, let's say
I do this for him.
162
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,075
What's he gonna do for me?
163
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,553
What do you want?
164
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,221
How about a book report
for English?
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[***]
166
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,189
Hey, what the hell's
the matter with you?
167
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,791
Don't you see me
talking to you?
168
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,962
Don't you see him
talking to you?
169
00:07:06,559 --> 00:07:08,059
Can it be on
Martin Luther King?
Deal.
170
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,564
Meet me in the science lab
storage room at 3.
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00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,067
Thanks.
Yeah.
172
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:14,268
Hey, look over there.
173
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,200
[SLURPING]
174
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,636
[***]
175
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:23,237
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
176
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:26,011
Hey, Julius.
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00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,906
Uh...Rochelle's not here.
178
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,247
No, no, no.
179
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,982
Rochelle told me
to check on you.
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00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:33,087
And I brought you this.
What, a salad?
181
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:36,159
Yeah, I gotta get back.TheYoung and the Restlessis on.
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00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,489
[***]
183
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:44,228
NARRATOR:
I've never had a forgedreport card before,
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00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:47,934
but Greg told meFischer was the best.
185
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:30,144
NARRATOR:
One time he madesuch a good fake,
186
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:33,676
they arrested the guywho made the original.
187
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:40,989
Hey, Ma,
I got my report card.
188
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,261
Oh. Let me see.
NARRATOR:I was scared.
189
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:46,229
Felt like I was givinga fake diamond to Lil' Kim.
190
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:49,129
An A in math?
191
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:51,032
Chris, this is so great.
192
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,774
You got an A in math?
193
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,269
That's right.
So what?
194
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,200
What's three times three?
Nine.
195
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,766
What's four times five?
Twenty.
196
00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:59,744
What's eleven times eleven?
Shut up.
197
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,883
[JULIUS LAUGHING]
Can you sign this?
198
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,681
Oh, he does?
199
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,853
Julius!
200
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:12,092
Oh, hey, you know,
I gotta go.
201
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:14,788
All right,
I'll talk to you later.
202
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,991
Oh, man!
Who was that?
203
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:18,023
Oh, that was Monica.
204
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,028
She was
the hairdresser's friend.
205
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,200
She just wanted to know
what happened.
206
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:23,858
[GRUNTS]
207
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,267
Well, you two were on the phone
an awfully long time.
208
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,369
Did you know that your son
got an A in math?
209
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,002
My man!
210
00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:33,337
That must be why his teacher
called this afternoon.
211
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:36,343
Yeah, she wants you to come down
to school on Wednesday
212
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,236
and talk about Chris's grade.
213
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:41,208
ANNOUNCER:
Will Rochelle find outabout Chris' actual grade?
214
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,047
How long will Chris be ableto keep up this lie?
215
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,824
Will Julius everget rid of the gout?
216
00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:50,223
Will Tonya ask Chrismore math questions?
217
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,756
Will Drew get any lines?
218
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:56,962
Find out this and more, when
Everybody Hates Chrisreturns.
219
00:09:56,996 --> 00:10:01,736
* Everybody hates Chris
220
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:12,352
NARRATOR:
Once I got my mother'ssignature on my report card,
221
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:15,119
Fischer had what he neededto complete my plan.
222
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:18,348
What? I'm a natural.
223
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,145
Now beat it.
224
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:22,156
NARRATOR:
Since I had the cards in place,
225
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:24,158
all I had to dowas keep my mother
226
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,360
and Mrs. Morellofrom seeing each other
227
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:29,703
and I would be home free.
228
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:31,829
Chris, do you have
your signed report card?
229
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:34,925
[***]
230
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,068
Sure do.
231
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:45,712
My mother says she won't be able
to come to the school tomorrow.
232
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:47,105
My father has the gout.
233
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,247
Did you say "the gout"?
234
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,921
Yes. The gout.
235
00:10:49,949 --> 00:10:52,389
I'm concerned about
your grade, Chris.
236
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,219
Well, my mom is too.
237
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:57,494
She told me I better get a C
on my next report card.
238
00:10:57,524 --> 00:10:59,994
And then she...
239
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:02,726
Well, let's just say it's
kind of hard to sit down.
240
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,762
[GASPS]
241
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,728
[WINCES, GROANS]
242
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,737
So I guess she's young
and he's restless.
243
00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:11,399
[ALL LAUGHING]
244
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:12,968
Okay, wait, wait.
245
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,076
We're gonna come back
tomorrow for the update.
246
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:17,938
Wait, so does Victor's ex-wife
know about him and Nicky?
247
00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:20,477
Ooh, you know what?
[ALL CHATTERING]
248
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,283
Hey, babe.
How you doing?
249
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,975
What's going on here?
Why didn't you tell us
250
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,118
Julius likes
The Young and the Restless?
251
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:28,223
I didn't know.
252
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:29,794
[WOMEN CHUCKLING]
253
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,263
This is Pam. You remember Pam.
How you doing?
254
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,461
Good. How are you?
How long y'all been here?
255
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:36,803
Oh, about three, four hours.
We're catching up on the soaps.
256
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,800
This is my girl Monica.
That's Rochelle.
257
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,132
Nice to meet you, Monica.
258
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:42,436
Why do you look
so familiar to me?
259
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:43,999
You tried to sell me
food stamps
260
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,207
down by the subway that day.
I thought you said
261
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:48,139
you weren't selling
food stamps.
262
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:50,444
You were selling food stamps?
I wasn't selling no food stamps.
263
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:52,947
[PHONE RINGING]
264
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,779
Julius, go get the phone.
265
00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:56,054
You hear
the phone ringing.
266
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:58,082
It rang, like,
three times already.
267
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,248
Thank you, baby.
[WOMEN CHUCKLE]
268
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:03,116
Girl, that gout
is making him lose his mind.
269
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:05,026
[ALL LAUGH]
270
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,188
Does gout mess with
your hearing?
271
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,957
[ALL LAUGHING]
272
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,930
Hello?
273
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:14,495
Hey, Mrs. Morello.
274
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:16,844
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hold on.
275
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:20,211
Honey, it's for you.
276
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,370
Where'd they go?
277
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,338
They left, gout boy.
278
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,506
[***]
279
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,245
ROCHELLE:
Hi. How are you?
280
00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:36,023
What? An F?
281
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,956
What happened?
The teacher just told me
282
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,395
that Chris got an F.
283
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,900
But he said he got an A.
284
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,931
I can't believe that boy
285
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:49,436
looked me dead in the eye
and lied to me.
286
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:52,109
How you wanna handle this?
287
00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:54,468
NARRATOR:
Translation:do you want to kill him,
288
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,037
or should I?
289
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,236
Hmm...
Oh, I know what to do.
290
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,978
TONYA: Whoa, pancakes?
Pancakes?
291
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,513
Hey, Mom,
we're having pancakes?
292
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,118
No, Chris
is having pancakes.
293
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,149
That's my baby's reward
for getting an A.
294
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,915
TONYA:
Can I have
some pancakes?
295
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,153
Did you get an A?
I got a B.
296
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,218
That's not an A.
Can I have some pancakes?
297
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:12,326
My foot's getting better. I
might make it to work tomorrow.
298
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,529
Pancakes are
for people who get A's,
299
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,131
not for people
who get the gout.
300
00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:17,862
Baby, you want
anything else?
301
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,127
My A student deserves
nothing but the best.
302
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:23,136
No. No. Oh, by the way,
my teacher says
303
00:13:23,169 --> 00:13:25,009
she won't
be able to see you today.
304
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:27,368
That's okay, baby.
I'll talk to her next time.
305
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,277
You want some butter?
306
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:33,084
My foot's looking better,
don't you think?
307
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:35,483
Why are you talking
about your foot?
308
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,115
Your son has no conscience.
309
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:41,291
In there eating pancakes
like he actually got an A.
310
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,561
If you didn't want him
to have the pancakes,
311
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,160
what'd you give them
to him for?
312
00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:47,591
For him to feel guilty
and confess.
313
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:49,627
But that's okay.
314
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,902
Tomorrow I got
something for him.
315
00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:54,931
Baby, let's talk
about this. Come on.
316
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,896
Oh, so now
you want to talk to me?
317
00:13:57,937 --> 00:13:59,907
Why don't you just
talk to your friends,
318
00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:01,539
since you talk to them
all the time?
319
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,144
Rochelle,
those are your friends.
320
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,876
We were just talking
about the soaps.
321
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,313
Are you jealous?
322
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,048
Hell, yeah. Damn skippy.
323
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:12,053
How would you feel
if you came home
324
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:13,615
and I was sitting there
talking to
325
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:15,193
your friends
about football?
326
00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:17,391
You like football?
No, I don't like football.
327
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,634
Julius, you always want
to talk to me
328
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,589
about bills or the kids.
329
00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:23,298
I just think it would be nice
330
00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:25,629
to talk about
something else for a change.
331
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,129
You want to talk
about the gout?
332
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:31,068
No! I don't want
to talk about the gout!
333
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:33,074
[***]
334
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,466
So it worked?
335
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:37,037
Yep. I told my mother
that Miss Morello was busy,
336
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:39,277
and I told Miss Morello
that my mother was busy.
337
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,982
That was that,
and I'm just glad it's over.
338
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,088
NARRATOR:
They say whenyou're about to die
339
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,490
your life flashesright before your eyes.
340
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:51,662
Well, here'swhat mine looked like...
341
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,991
[***]
342
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,967
Dude, you're
definitely not in there.
343
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,012
Bye, Chris.
344
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:13,314
Don't tell any lies
when you get to heaven.
345
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:16,176
Hey, Chris, can I have
your comic books?
346
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,986
That's a $2 pair of underwear
you're messing up.
347
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,732
Rest in peace, Toby.
348
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:33,398
Chris.
349
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,673
Hi, Mom.
350
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,371
Oh, don't mind me.
351
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:39,273
I'm just here to watch my
brilliant, mathematician son
352
00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:40,365
in action.
353
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,137
Miss Morello said
it would be okay.
354
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,735
[***]
355
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:51,520
NARRATOR:
If I could just be cool, maybeeverything will be all right.
356
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,451
Today we're doing fractions.
357
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:57,086
What does three-twelfths
plus three-fourths equal?
358
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,293
Ooh! Ooh!
Me! Pick me.
359
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:00,625
Rochelle.
360
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,430
Chris has an answer.
361
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:03,502
He got an A.
362
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,700
That's right.
363
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,271
He did get an A.
364
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:12,766
NARRATOR:
If I could drive,I'd do this...
365
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,580
I don't know the answer.
366
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,651
ROCHELLE:
No?
367
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,450
Well, how is that possible?
368
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,523
You're the math wiz.
369
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:28,392
The human calculator.
370
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:30,822
You got an A.
371
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:37,164
I actually got an F.
372
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:43,169
NARRATOR:
This must be how Marion Barryfelt when that tape got out.
373
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,743
Miss Morello,
374
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,641
thank you
for your time.
375
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:47,773
Come on, Chris.
376
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,783
See you later, Stymie.
377
00:16:57,817 --> 00:17:00,447
Ma, I can explain.
378
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:01,717
Okay.
379
00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:02,785
Go ahead.
380
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:04,592
For real?
381
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,164
Yeah. Explain this.
382
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,501
Okay.
383
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,630
I was afraid you'd get
mad at me for getting an F.
384
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:16,167
I thought I could
do better next semester,
385
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:20,312
so I changed my grade,
forged your signature
386
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,810
onto the report card
and gave it to Miss Morello.
387
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,512
I thought
you wouldn't find out.
388
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,654
[MOCKINGLY]
"I thought you
wouldn't find out."
389
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,420
[NORMALLY]
Boy, what do I look like,
Boo-Boo the Fool?
390
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:32,619
You're running around here
lying, forging my signature.
391
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,152
Have you lost your mind?
392
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:35,817
Look, Chris,
if you lie
393
00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:38,215
you steal,
if you steal, you kill,
394
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,658
and I am not getting
your behind out of jail.
395
00:17:40,694 --> 00:17:42,304
Chris...
396
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:44,228
if you would have put
this much effort
397
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:46,274
into passing the class
in the first place,
398
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:47,599
you wouldn't
be in this mess.
399
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,244
I am very upset
that you failed that class,
400
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,340
but I'm more upset
that you lied to me.
401
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,572
You are not
stupid, Chris.
402
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,277
Don't act like it.
403
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:59,179
I bought you in this world,
I'll take you right out.
404
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:01,482
Do you understand me?
405
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,654
Yes, ma'am.
406
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,153
All right.
407
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,185
Now bring your behind home.
408
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:08,760
NARRATOR:
My mother had a funny way
409
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:11,858
of making me feel like thesmartest idiot in the world.
410
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,361
Wait, that's it?
411
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:15,303
No, you better bring
that grade up,
412
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,498
or I'm gonna slap
the wax out your ears.
413
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,301
NARRATOR:
After I got caught,
414
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:23,203
my parents finally hadsomething to talk about.
415
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,636
What happened
with Chris today?
416
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:28,212
Oh, I got it all handled.
417
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,579
How's your foot?
418
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,581
It's all right.
419
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,322
Got a surprise for you.
420
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:42,386
I watched
your soap today.
421
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:43,722
Really?
422
00:18:43,757 --> 00:18:45,957
Yeah, but if you don't
feel like talking...
423
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,332
No, no, no, no.
424
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,860
We can talk about it.
425
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,456
Oh.
426
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:55,468
Did you know that
Nicky was a stripper?
427
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,872
A stripper?
Mm-hmm.
428
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:00,744
Does Victor know?
He does now.
429
00:19:00,774 --> 00:19:02,944
[CHUCKLES]
430
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,846
NARRATOR:
Things alwaysworked out best in my house
431
00:19:05,879 --> 00:19:07,749
when everybody did their job.
432
00:19:07,781 --> 00:19:09,451
And afterbeing more embarrassed
433
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,782
than I'd ever been in my life,
434
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:14,217
all I had to dowas one more thing.
435
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:16,324
Mom, I got my report card.
436
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:20,889
A D!
437
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:23,897
My baby got a D.
438
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,900
And you're happy about that?
439
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:29,902
I'm just happy I don't have
to smack the chap off your lips.
440
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:34,436
* Everybody hates Chris
441
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:40,406
NARRATOR:
Stay tuned for scenesfrom our next episode.
442
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,449
[***]
443
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:49,319
* Aw, make it funky now
30196
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