All language subtitles for Absurdistan-xd

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Original subtitles

When God divided up the land of the earth, so the legend goes,

our people's emissaries arrived late, after all the land had been distributed.

But because they were so cheerful, he gave them the piece of land...

that he had wanted to keep for himself and withdrew into the heavens instead.

My grandmother always warned me, be careful with your first time.

Find a loving, caring man.

With the right man I can fly to the stars!

To experience weightlessness, the man must make certain arrangements:

It's important to chose the right place.

He has to create the right atmosphere...

for me to get into the mood.

With the right man...

I am going to fly!

The history books say that as the Mongols

pillaged and plundered their way to Constantinople in the 13th century

the Caucasian queen assembled an army of the 40 bravest warriors

that lured the Mongols into a cave and slaughtered them.

As a reward the courageous warriors were given pretty virgins and land

on which our village was founded.

Traders of the silk road took detours that lasted days

just to admire the beauty of our women.

During the middle ages our land was occupied by...

Persians, Tatars, Turks and Seldschuks.

Since the downfall of the Soviet Empire

no government has felt responsible for us.

As our village is not recorded on any map

we have simply been forgotten by the rest of the world.

I've known Aya since the day I was born.

At the age of four...

we got engaged!

We got married at eight.

Our elders once built a water pipe.

we learned that many years ago, when men and women were quarrelling...

all the wells dried up.

The men then went into the cave

and constructed the water pipe.

...that's basically how it works!

This courageous act reconciled the women.

But many men died.

Aya's father died in the cave, too.

His despairing wife jumped to her death.

Since that time Aya's grandmother had brought the little girl up.

Our village consists of 14 families.

No rooster crows here before ten o'clock.

The men regarded the teahouse as a philosophers' club.

The women tried to stop the village from going to the dogs.

After work the women washed the sweat from their bodies,

Our men maintained that

their virility was famed all the way to Samarkand.

They were forgetting that all other men in this area had moved to the city.

And that's how the days ended...

when all the work had been done, all the important matters discussed...

the men busied themselves...

with proving their reputation.

Things that didn't interest us children...

Until we were 14 years old.

His theory, that we belong together because of our birthday...

didn't convince me.

Grandma!

His single intention seemed to be to pull me behind a wall...

and undress me!

Since it was too hot to sleep I went up on the roof to cool down.

and dreamed of flying.

Temelko!

Aya!

My grandmother possessed a special gift: she could read the stars.

She calculated the perfect constellation of the stars for our first night.

We were supposed to wait until Sagittarius and Virgo meet.

If we bathed in water beforehand...

we would experience the feeling of weightless flying.

It shall be the eleventh of July...

In four years!

He agreed.

We weren't allowed to touch each other for four years.

But then I shall fly to the heavens!

Temelko and the other boys were sent to the city.

They were supposed to study...

to solve the problems of the village.

Over the years, the state of the pipe became worse and worse

and we barely had water.

The men used many tricks to avoid repairing the pipe.

The men were waiting for their sons' return

while the village grew dirtier and dirtier.

Water was only allowed to be used for drinking.

The sheep were the first to flee.

The day of Temelko's return came closer exactly one week before the stars met.

I was determined to herald a new age in the village.

Tomorrow the stars were to bring Aya and me together.

But only if we bathed beforehand.

It was impossible to provide the village with water quickly.

Virgo!

Sagittarius!

Aya!

Our night has come.

Be ready, you are about to fly!

Cover your eyes and once you hear music...

spread your arms and jump!

It's just how it was before.

The whole village needs water!

Until then I am on strike!

The stars will be conjoined for six nights. That means you have five days left!

Women, listen to me!

She wouldn't let him touch her!

We should follow her example!

As long as there's no water, she will refuse him.

Power is in our hands, it's time to go on strike!

Let's go!

Go ahead!

No water...

...no sex!

The women realized what power they had.

The strike for the water pipe

became a struggle for power.

To increase the pressure, we divided the village.

The right was the men's half of the village, to the left the women's.

The men gathered at the blacksmith's.

Disguised as a woman, Dino was sent into the enemy camp.

But Dino soon forgot about his mission

and fraternized with the enemy.

Over the years, the scale model had become dilapidated.

I realized that the pipe must have rusted through deep down in the cave.

The men realized that they couldn't save the patriarchy all by themselves.

So they sent a call for help to the outside world.

To get the backing into the village, the right weapon had to be found.

Since only two nights were left...

I prepared for a trip into the underworld.

I was wrong.

Temelko is like all the other men.

What are we waiting for?

Let's get out of here!

We leave this goddamn village to the men!

Because of my successful shot...

Leonora granted me a wish.

I asked her how to get water to the village...

within a single day.

This little chunk of tin could solve all our water problems!

If I didn't succeed bringing the water to the village within one day

our lucky stars would vanish...

Shame on you!

You didn't unite the lovers, but sowed dischord!

I still had a score to settle. with that hussy!

Temelko was on his way to the cave.

If I was to forsake him he would drown.

I had failed.

The same fate that had once befell the men awaited me...

Directly under my village.

The women decided to leave the village forever!

Is that all you're capable of?

Not taking care of the village is one thing...

but now your women are leaving!

Where are those men with the legendary reputation?

I don't see them.

All I see is

a miserable bunch of stinking, good-for-nothings

too cowardly to take things in hand!

Help!

Water!

Temelko had one more surprise for me...

I am going to trust him, he has deserved it.

In a few minutes we will be united.

I am going to fly!

It will happen as foretold by the stars!

At last...

No one can interfere with our love anymore!

Aya will be the happiest woman on earth!

I haven't quite experienced the feeling of weightlessness.

So I had to show him...

how we can really fly to the stars.

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