Original subtitles

Oh, B, remember, tonight's Hanukkah,

so I want you home early for dinner

because we're gonna play spin the dreidel with Sammy, Yetta and Ma.

Yeah, I'll take Worst Ideas in the World for 500, please, Alex.

Franny, can I help you with anything?

If you can get me more paper towels, I'd appreciate it.

They make them in paper now?

Yetta, why don't you just play with your chocolate dreidel?

I'm right here, baby.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, Fran?

Yes, my darling.

-Explain something to me, please. -What?

Uh, why do all the Jewish holidays start at sundown?

Oh, well, that's because God realized

that before 5:00, to wear sequins is gauche.

Look, everyone, Mr. Sheffield's sister came from England

to stay with us without any notice whatsoever.

How happy am I?

Oh, Jocelyn, it's so good to see you.

Ditto.

And congratulations on the baby.

We were all so excited to hear you're expecting a child.

-You were? -Well, it explained the wedding.

Okay.

You remember my grandmother and her boyfriend?

They sat next to you at the engagement party.

You choked on a chicken bone, and he saved your life.

Gave you a bottle of Scotch to calm your nerves.

Sammy!

How are you?

So, what are you doing here?

Well, I flew in to surprise this man I've met.

Listen to this. He's 36, fabulous taste, and has a stunning apartment

which he did by himself. Do you realize what that means?

He likes Barbra Streisand and James Brolin?

No, I finally met my equal.

Why don't you and Max join us for drinks tonight at Nello's.

Oh, no, we couldn't possibly leave tonight. It's the first night of Hanukkah

and the first night that we're going to spend it as a family.

Max knows how important it is to me.

Well, I'm off to Boston.

Ooh, I hope that wasn't Max.

♪ She was working In a bridal shop ♪

♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Till her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪

♪ In one of those Crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪

♪ She was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪

♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell make-up But the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there ♪

♪ That's how she became ♪

♪ The Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed That the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father Finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids Are actually smiling ♪

♪ Such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red ♪

♪ When everybody else Is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl From Flushing ♪

♪ The Nanny named Fran! ♪

You're going to Boston?

Honey, are you forgetting what tonight is?

Maybe I'll give you a hint. The first letter is, "Ha."

Sorry, darling, what's the second letter?

Naka?

Oh, it's Hanukkah. I'm sorry, sweetheart.

Well, we'll celebrate it tomorrow.

There are eight nights of Hanukkah aren't there?

The first night is the most important.

Don't you wanna make your wife happy?

Of course I do.

I'm sorry, darling, but there's a new musical workshop in Boston.

If I wanna have a crack at it, I've gotta get up there.

Well, why didn't you tell me about this sooner?

Well, I did. Last Wednesday.

You were watching Chicago Hope.

Sweetie, don't tell me stuff

when I'm in the middle of a cross-gender surgery.

How can you go away like this and not tell me?

We've always been bitter together on the holidays.

If you think of anything nasty and hurtful,

leave it on my machine. I'll check in.

Remember, when you're in Boston,

keep a scarf wrapped around your neck.

It's not that cold.

No, but it's that old.

Hate you.

Hate you more.

Darling, you know I'd rather be here with you,

but business is business.

Come here, come on.

Mmm, love you.

Well, at least I'll be able to enjoy the tradition with our children.

Ready to go to Boston, Daddy.

She's going?

Well, darling, the school Grace wants to attend during her summer session

is just outside Boston.

I thought while we're there, we'd...

Well, anyway, I explained all this to you the other night

when we went for Chinese food.

Sweetie, don't be telling me stuff

when I'm making a moo-she pancake.

Nobody's going anywhere!

Well, thank you. It's nice to see someone else is as upset as I am.

Yeah, I'm upset.

This is my favorite sweater.

Oh, well, come on.

I'll walk you out to the car.

Bye.

Bye.

Wait.

Bye, kiddo.

I can't believe it's the first night of Hanukkah

and Max isn't even here.

Darling, you know your problem?

You don't know how to keep your man at home.

Ma, I can't even figure out how to keep you at home.

What's the big deal?

My husband never showed up at Hanukkah for 30 years.

I still got latkes leftover in the freezer.

-He's dead, Yetta. -He's dead, Yetta.

He's dead? Thank God.

I thought it was my cooking.

Well, he's gotta know

that I wanna continue the traditions that I was raised with.

You know how important Hanukkah has always been to me.

I always loved that holiday as a kid.

Ma, why can't we have a Christmas tree?

Because, my darling, we are of the Jewish faith.

And as Jewish people,

we celebrate Hanukkah.

It's so boring compared to Christmas.

Like, why don't we have a Hanukkah parade?

Oy, after all that walking we did in the desert

we like to sit on the holiday.

Preferably by a pool in Miami Beach.

Hi, Ma.

Don't touch the latkes.

They're for Grandpa.

I can't believe we're not gonna be

with the whole family for Hanukkah.

Honey, that's your present.

Well, that is going to change.

That's why I wanted Max here.

I want to start a Hanukkah tradition with my new family.

I hear there's a new Radisson in Boca.

Jocelyn, what are you doing back here?

I thought you were having drinks with your boyfriend.

No, it's over.

I found out he's married, has three children and a mistress.

-[gasps] -I'm crushed.

This is you crushed?

Oh, yes. I'm utterly destroyed.

I apologize for making such a scene.

Oy, that's the British for you.

They show no emotion.

[Jocelyn] Whoo-hoo! Brand-new bottle of Scotch!

Oh, Maxwell, this is ridiculous.

We're never gonna find this school.

Just get back on the highway.

C.C., why are you in such a bad mood?

Well, the holiday season is approaching, I'm alone like a dog.

I'm riding to Boston with a kid who turned around to tell me

she's going to throw up and then did.

Ho freaking ho.

Miss Babcock, you know what I think your problem is?

You miss Niles.

-Do not. -So do.

-Do not! -So do.

Oh, please, will you two just stop it?

Daddy, you know what I think your problem is?

You feel guilty about leaving Fran on Hanukkah.

-I do not. -So do.

-Do not! -So do.

Do not-- Gracie!

Look, Fran said she understood.

This is business

and sometimes business has to come first.

Father.

You know what's my favorite thing about Christmas is?

Having the family all together.

Uh, what's your second favorite thing?

Spending time with you, Father.

Say you had a third choice.

You're not going to be here for Christmas, are you, Father?

Well, now it's just a holiday, son.

[clearing throat] And business is business.

You do understand, don't you?

Yes, sir.

Well, why don't you go play with that butler's son?

Niles?

After all, he is going to be your butler one day.

I will not be a butler.

I'm going to be a barrister, with my own estate and my own staff.

[snickers]

Oh, a barrister. That's good, that's good.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

-I think I'd like to go home. -What?

See if you can get hold of Fran on the cell phone, would you?

Oh, Miss Babcock, can you do it?

That egg cream isn't sitting right.

Turn around and open the damn window.

Would you like some rugelach?

No, I'm too depressed for sweet.

It's Hanukkah and Max isn't here.

Then should I take it back to the kitchen?

No, put it down. I might have a mood swing.

Keep them by you.

I lost 30 pounds.

Oh, Sylvia, I envy you.

I'd love to lose more weight, but nothing seems to kill my appetite.

Do what I did.

I just looked at myself stark naked--

Thank you. That killed it.

You know, I've been trying to lose weight too.

I've been on that two-shakes-a-day diet.

Oh. Aren't those shakes very expensive?

No, they come with the Happy Meal.

Oh, why hasn't Max called me?

Maybe I was too rough on him.

Maybe I just should have been more understanding.

Will you stop? Be strong.

Ma, I love him.

I'm talking to myself.

The rugelach is looking very buttery.

[phone ringing]

-Hello? Hello? -[Maxwell on phone]Darling--

Oh, it's Max.

[Maxwell]Darling, I had to call.

-I just want you to know-- -What? What? What?

Darling, I'm sorry. We're breaking up.

Honey, you do mean the phone reception, don't you?

I can't hear you.

I said you do mean the phone--

-[Grace]Dad! Watch out! -[tires screeching]

-Max? -[Maxwell]Oh, my God! Hold on, Grace!

-Max! Max! -[crashing]

Oh, my God. Hello? Hello?

I think they just crashed!

Oh, Niles.

The state police are saying that the blizzard is so bad

that the tracks from Maxwell's car

is probably covered over with snow by now.

Now you listen to me,

there are three people I love very much in that car.

Well, two people I love,

and one with whom I have a very complicated relationship.

Now you get out there and you find them!

What if they don't? I'm scared. What if something happens to them?

I don't think I can deal with-- You know, everything's gonna be fine, kids.

Yes, I just spoke to the state police,

and they said they're looking for them and not to worry.

[sighs] Fran, why didn't I let Gracie take my sweater?

-Oh, baby. -It's just a stupid sweater.

Please don't worry.

They said that they're gonna find them.

Yeah, but how? They don't even know

where the car went off the road.

Sweetie, it's Hanukkah.

Don't you know what this holiday is all about?

After a war, my people only had enough oil

to light the temple lamp for one night.

But miraculously, it lasted for eight.

Okay, Fran, I have no idea why you just told me that.

Because, sweetie, it's a night about miracles.

Now, listen to me, you kids.

Go into the kitchen. Niles made some delicious vegetable soup.

I want you to eat it. It'll make you feel much better.

Everything is gonna be fine. I promise you.

They're gonna die! They're gonna die!

What if they don't find them until morning?

-What if they freeze to death? -They'll be fine.

You know, if there's too much alcohol in your blood,

the cold can kill you even faster.

-[gasps] Miss Babcock! -Miss Babcock!

-[sighs] You all right, darling? -I'm fine.

He was talking to me.

I didn't hear a name.

All right, so everyone just keep calm.

I'll try the cell phone one more time.

Oh, it's dead. It's still dead.

Well, we've got to do something to keep warm.

Maxwell, you come back here with me.

Grace, you go outside and play.

C.C., it's a blizzard out there.

Blizzard, winter wonderland.

All right, look, we have... we have about an eighth of a tank of gas.

That's enough to keep the engine running

and the heater on for about an hour.

That should be plenty of time for the authorities to find us.

What if the hour goes by and they don't?

I'll never experience the sweet touch of my beautiful Ni--

♪ Night Holy Night ♪

Everybody.

♪ All is calm ♪

♪ All is bright ♪

Sweetie, why don't you come inside?

You're gonna get so sick.

Oh, I can't sit in there anymore. I'm going crazy.

Why haven't they found them yet?

It's been hours and hours and hours.

Everything's gonna be all right.

You just gotta think positive.

Oh, I know. I have so much to be grateful for.

-I had a beautiful wedding. -Yeah.

Baby on the way.

Kenny Rogers Roasters just opened up around the corner.

It's the first night of Hanukkah.

Please, can't we have one more miracle?

-Excuse me? -Oh, my God.

Oh, he must have gotten confused because of my new last name.

I'm so sorry to bother you,

but I've been visiting next door and someone has blocked me in.

Oh, that must be Val's car. Val, you're blocking the nun.

Oh, Sister, please forgive me.

All the other girls were doing it.

Val! Val, you're not 28 and in school anymore.

Just go move the car.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Sister.

We're all a little bit on edge here because--

Well, my husband and my daughter were in a car crash

and the state police can't find them.

Oh, my dear.

Oh, Sister, I'm so scared.

I'm sorry.

-I don't even know your name. -Sister.

Sister Sister?

Perhaps it would help you to talk.

Some people find it a relief to--

Well, I really wanted my husband to be here for the first night of Hanukkah

because it's really important to me,

like Christmas is important to him.

You see, I married one of yours.

Why don't we pray together?

But I'm Jewish, Sister.

Will your prayers work for me?

Of course they will.

-Let's close our eyes and pray. -Okay.

Oh, dear God. Please, please, I beg of you!

A silent prayer, dear.

[Maxwell] Darling?

Oh, my God!

What have you got? Sprint?

-Oh, sweetie. Oh, sweetie. -Darling.

Oh, I love you.

Oh, I can't believe this.

-Oh, I'm so happy you're okay. -Yeah, we're fine. We're just fine.

I didn't know whether you were dead or alive or freezing.

That's the amazing thing. I thought we had enough gas

to keep the engine going

and the heater on for about an hour, but it lasted for eight.

Oh, that's like Hanukkah.

The oil lasted for eight days.

We both had a miracle tonight.

You guys showed up just at the very moment

that I was praying with this sister.

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, you're safe and sound.

Oh, I gotta tell Morty.

Niles, get my coat.

I'm going home!

Another miracle!

Oh, thank you.

[reciting Hanukkah blessing in Hebrew]

Oh, that was beautiful, darling.

I know that it's the second night of Hanukkah,

but honestly, this is the best first night I've ever had.

♪ There is no place like home ♪

♪For the holidays

♪ And no matter how far You may roam ♪

♪And if you want to be happy

♪ In a million ways ♪

♪For the holidays

♪ You can't be home ♪

♪ Sweet home ♪

Yeah, baby.

Isn't this smashing?

This is going to be my house and she is going to be my wife.

And I am going to be a big Broadway producer.

And check me out.

I'm married to a gorgeous man, pregnant,

and I still look damn good for 29.

And where are you?

Well, obviously, I'm in court.

I became a successful barrister. Remember?

Niles!

What?

Oh, good God.

I'm so depressed.

'Night, all.

Ooh. Who's that?

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]