Original subtitles

Okay. As soon as she's ready, we'll go.

Okay. Sweetie, listen.

I'm counting on you

to take good care of her at the theater.

Hold her hand.

Make sure she doesn't eat any junk food

and whatever you do,

do not let her out of your sight.

Okay. I promise, I'll take good care of her.

-Good boy. -Thank you.

I'm ready.

You know, Yetta, I thought,

maybe, we'd go see the newBabe

Babe, Bride of Chucky.

Whatever.

-Oh, thank God, you're here. -What's wrong? What's wrong?

Your voice sounded so terrible on the phone.

Everybody keeps saying that to me.

I think it's the cordless.

-Darling, what's the problem? -Ma.

I'm pregnant.

My daughter's pregnant.

And she's married.

Oh, Mom, please,

promise me you won't say anything.

I haven't even told Max yet.

There's a problem.

It's not his?

Of course it's Maxwell's.

What I have growing inside of me

is a living, breathing expression

of our undying love as husband and wife.

-So, what's the problem? -He don't want it.

What makes you think Max doesn't want the baby?

Oh, because he said,

a baby is the last thing we need in our lives.

Men are never that clear.

What were his exact words?

"A baby is the last thing we need in our lives."

You know, it's very hard for men to accept change.

Like your father, when they came out

with that cookie dough ice cream.

He didn't know whether to freeze it or bake it.

Me? I took to it right away.

But, Ma, I mean, I'm gonna have to tell him sometime.

How long can I hide a thing like this?

Not long.

We Fine women tend to get wide.

Ay!

Darling, when you tell your husband

that you're gonna have a baby,

he's gonna be thrilled.

-Oh, let's pray. -But in the meantime, Ma,

please, don't even tell Daddy.

It's gonna be hard enough for Maxwell to hear it from me,

let alone someone else.

[mouthing] A baby?

♪ She was working In a bridal shop ♪

♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Til her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪

♪ In one of those Crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪

♪ She was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪

♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell make up But the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there ♪

♪ That's how she became ♪

♪ The Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed That the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father Finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids Are actually smiling ♪

♪ Such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red ♪

♪ When everybody else Is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl From Flushing ♪

♪ The Nanny named Fran ♪

I can't believe I'm gonna be a grandmother.

Ma, you're already a grandmother.

Nadine has two kids.

I don't like going over to your sister's apartment.

His mother is sitting there all the time,

eating them out of house and home.

Acting like she owns the place.

Well, not everyone is as sensitive as you, Ma.

I know.

Niles, what's the matter?

Nothing.

Aww...

Did Brighton leave his bankbook open in the kitchen again?

-No. -Well, why are you crying?

Because I'm thrilled about our baby

and I don't give a damn what he thinks.

I don't want him to hear about it from you.

I wanna be the one to tell Maxwell about little Shlomo.

-Shlomo? -Yes.

It's my daddy's name.

What if it's a girl?

-Shloma. -Shloma.

Now you listen to me, Niles, this is a very big secret,

and if you blab to anybody,

it will be the end of our friendship.

I swear to you, my lips are sealed.

-All right. -Except for now,

I'm so excited we're having a baby.

What on Earth is going on in here?

Congratulations, sir, you're having--

People for dinner.

-Come. We'll pick a side dish. -What?

You better tell Maxwell quick.

Keeping secrets, ain't that butler's milieu.

Why don't you do what I did with your father?

-What? -Put on a sexy negligee,

light the candles,

and then at the perfect moment, work in Shlomo.

Shlomo Sheffield.

Gee, I hope nobody on his side of the family

already has that name.

You know, sweetheart, I wouldn't be surprised

if he has an inkling

-that you're gonna have a baby. -Oh, really?

You know what I did the night I told your father?

I cuddled up to him, I sat on his lap, and he said:

"Whoa, what are you, pregnant?"

It was like he read my mind.

Yeah, Ma, that was it.

Hello, Yetta. How was the movie?

I don't know. It was dark,

and I lost my glasses case,

and the boy.

What boy? Oh, you mean Burton?

Promise me,

you'll keep this a secret from Mr. Sheffield.

He'll be devastated. I know.

The same thing happened to me

in 1939.

I lost my little girl, Sylvia.

Never saw her again.

She's in the living room.

She's back?

My baby.

Why, why is she yelling "Baby"?

It's this whole stupid thing. Big secret.

You know the secret?

Yeah, yeah, don't tell Maxwell about the kid.

Ms. Babcock, I can hardly believe you're still standing

after a bombshell like that.

What bombshell? It's not that big a deal.

You don't see Fran's pregnancy

as the final nail in your coffin?

Nanny Fine is pregnant?

-That wasn't your secret? -No.

I can't believe Nanny Fine's pregnant.

Now Miss Babcock, Fran hasn't told Mr. Sheffield yet,

and if she finds out I blabbed, I'll lose my closest friend.

I have nothing to live for.

Oh, please, don't tell her.

Don't tell her. I'll be your slave.

And, now I do.

Darling, what's all this in the middle of the afternoon?

Wine, candles, a sexy negligee.

You were expecting me, weren't you?

Well, funny you should use the word "expecting."

Would you look?

All my favorite savories and puddings.

Oh, honey.

Scones with real clotted Cornish cream.

-Oh, sweetie. -Kippers.

Oh, darling.

Look at all this wonderful food.

Hey, I'm naked over here.

Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I...

I was ignoring you.

You're ignoring this side too.

-Sweetie, we need to talk. -What, now?

Yeah, it's important.

More important than what we're doing now?

Well, what we're doing is why we need to talk.

Sorry, sweetheart, I'm not following you.

Honey, I was just looking at your baby picture and,

well, I was thinking,

wouldn't we make a beautiful child together?

But, you know, looks skip a generation.

Our children would, probably, look like their grandparents.

Well, honey, wouldn't you just really like

to hear the pitter-patter of little feet around the house?

Well, now, darling, we've talked about this.

We've just got married.

Do we really need a baby crying all night?

Needing to be fed at two in the morning,

diaper change at three?

Well, you know, darling,

Niles is not as young as he used to be.

What's the rush?

I wanna be able to spontaneously grab my wife and say,

"Come on, let's go to the wine country."

You know how much fun you are when you get all liquored up.

What a sweet thing to say.

Don't you worry, darling, when the time is right,

we'll make a beautiful baby together.

Meantime, we can always rehearse.

Well, what if I said that we don't need to rehearse,

because we're already in production?

You're talking as if we were having a baby right now.

-But what if we were? -But we're not.

-But let's pretend. -Let's not.

-Why not? -Because...

Because I am too turned on by my gorgeous wife

to think of having anything but a little afternoon delight

with the woman I love.

That is the most horrible thing that you have ever said to me.

-What? -I can't believe you.

You want to go on a vacation with me,

you think I'm sexy, you love my body...

and you don't want little Shlomo or Shloma.

I don't understand a word you're saying.

Why are you acting so irrationally?

Because that's the way pregnant women act.

Gracie, I am in so much trouble. I lost Yetta at the movies.

-How could you lose a person? -I don't know.

I mean, one second she's talking to a cardboard cutout of Walter Matthau...

and the next second, she was just gone.

Did you ask the other cutouts?

This is serious. There is a woman loose out there,

who is asking people where Chucky's bride is registered.

Crate and Barrel. That's where she is.

Let's go, slave. You should be done by now.

How's this?

Nope, nope.

That'll look too brassy on me.

Try spiced tea.

Oh, that'll look awful.

Not after it's permed.

Niles.

Careful, it's wet.

Niles.

Yes, Sir?

Niles, I--

This is just something between you and C.C., right?

No, I'm rehearsing the musical of Pippi Longstocking. Why?

You're not gonna believe this, Niles, but we're having a baby.

Ooh! How fast was that, you stud.

Congratulations, Sir. Now, why aren't you two off celebrating?

Because I'm afraid Fran might have interpreted something I said

as, well, devastating.

What did you say?

-I just told her how I felt. -Oh, God!

I just told her I wasn't ready for a baby.

I wasn't ready for all the diapers and the crying.

Oh, how could you be so insensitive?

A baby is such a happy occasion in the lives of us newlyweds.

Your lack of enthusiasm is turning

what should be the most joyous day

of my life into an absolute misery.

Well, would you just stop that?

Well, do you want to have a baby or not?

Well, well, after thinking about it, I suppose--

Yes, of course, I wanna have a baby with Fran, I love her.

Well, then, I'd better overhear you telling her this soon, Mister,

because I am not getting any younger.

Now, if you'll excuse me, sir,

I wanna get something out of my hair.

Gonna lose the red, huh?

Yeah, right after I get rid of the blond.

[crying]

Look at this. A mother and child.

Is there anything more beautiful?

Frankie, don't eat out of the garbage, you'll die.

Oh, I'm sorry. You probably think I'm some kind of a nut,

wearing a negligee in the middle of Central Park.

No, I have a little problem with that guy wearing one.

-I'm Caryn. -Oh, hi.

I'm Fran. Can I look at your baby?

He's so adorable.

He's a she.

They said the sideburns will go away.

Sure.

And, you know, you can always bleach them.

You know, when you do the mustache.

I'm expecting, too.

Is it really painful?

Oh, no. Our bodies are designed for that.

It's the most natural thing in the world.

Now, tell me to my face.

It was the most horrendous experience I've ever had.

So painful I thought I would die.

But that was me.

Why were you crying? You should be happy.

This is a great time, a joyous time--

Frankie!

A peaceful time.

Well, my husband doesn't want the baby.

-Is it his? -What is it with me? Yes.

Listen, sometimes men get nervous

when they find out they're gonna be fathers.

But once they have that baby in their arms,

they turn into big teddy bears.

He said a baby is the last thing we need.

Pigs, all of them.

No. Not my Maxwell.

He's so wonderful and loving.

Maybe I should go home and talk to him.

Thank you.

[groaning]

Oh, are you all right?

Oh, I don't know. Oh.

[groans]

Don't worry, Mrs. Sheffield.

Dr. Osborn will be with you in a moment.

Oh, no, please call my gynecologist, Dr. Reynolds.

I really want a doctor that I'm familiar with.

Trust me.

You're in good hands.

Before I can do anything for you,

I'm going to need to see your--

-Blood tests? X-rays? -Insurance card.

Just kidding.

A little hospital humor there.

-Did you see it? -Yes.

All righty, then.

Um...

Doctor, do you know how my baby is?

Well, we're gonna get you down for an ultrasound

-and some tests, okay? -Okay.

But first, could you give me a rough idea

of what you've had to eat today?

Well, I-- you know, I had a couple of eggs for breakfast,

and some toast, cantaloupe,

Cocoa Puffs, and a Scooter Pie.

Then Ma came over

and we had some tea with rugelach

and a few strawberries,

and, just a bite of cinnamon babka. It was very dry.

Well, first of all, Mrs. Sheffield,

wow.

-There is the possibility-- -Then when I was at the park,

I had a hot dog there and some chips,

a Yoo-hoo, and gummy bears and a pickle.

You know, I'm just gonna write down "Stuff."

Okay.

Wanna get Mrs. Sheffield down for her ultrasound, okay.

Oh, and doctor, how will my family know where I am?

If they can hear, they'll find you.

Okay. Thank you.

What's happening? When are they gonna let us see her?

Oh, listen, Mom.

I'm sure Fran and the baby are doing just fine.

That's the first time you called me "Mom."

Well, you've been more of a mother to me than my own mother ever was.

You've certainly seen more of me.

You're a good man.

Morty's parking the car. Is Fran okay?

-Is she really pregnant? -Yes, she really is.

Wow, I can't believe Niles didn't tell us.

Where's Brighton?

Um, looking for Yetta.

Well, where's Yetta?

Looking for Brighton.

If you knew they were both looking for each other,

why didn't you just tell them?

More fun for me?

-Mr. Sheffield? -Yes.

-Dr. Osborn. -Oh, Doctor,

how is my wife? Is the baby all right?

Well, Dr. Reynolds is looking over some final test results,

but your wife would like to see you.

Oh, thank you. Yes. Okay.

Oh, my God! It's you!

I used to stay home every Wednesday to see you.

Oh, I was so in love with you.

He used to bring me my dry cleaning.

That's right. Working my way through medical school.

Sylvia.

Oh, darling. Are you all right?

-I am now. -Oh, I was so worried.

Honey, did you ask the doctor about the baby?

Yeah. They're running some tests.

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry about what I said.

Oh, Sweetie, you can't blame yourself. It's the way you feel.

You don't wanna have a baby now. I can understand that.

Well, that was before I knew we were having one.

Hey, I didn't know I wanted another wife until I met you.

You think the baby's gonna be okay?

Sweetheart, he's gonna be just fine.

He's gonna grow big and strong,

and just like his dad,

he'll be a member of the chess club.

Or like his mom, he'll be a member of the Price Club.

He'll graduate valedictorian.

He'll graduate.

Well, believe me, in my family, that alone sets a new standard.

-I hope he has your nose. -I hope he has your hair.

-And my voice. -What do you mean?

Well, you know, the accent.

Yeah, yeah, that will be really cute in baby talk.

I love you, darling.

I love you.

Oh, Dr. Reynolds, thank God you're here. How's the baby?

Fran, I'm so sorry.

[melodramatic music playing]

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]