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I can't believe it.
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In just 24 hours from now,
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I'll be holding Mrs. Sheffield in my arms.
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Are you as happy as I am?
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This is the happiest day of my life.
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-Congratulations, sir. -Thank you, Niles.
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Hey, what about me?
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I'm the woman who's making you the happiest man in the world.
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Ms. Fine, congratulations.
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So, what's with the suitcase? Oh, wait a minute, I know.
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If we elope now, the sooner we get to our wedding night.
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Excuse me?
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You made me wait five years
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and now, all of a sudden, because you're in the mood,
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you think that I'm gonna come to you just like that?
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Come to mama.
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So what, you're so excited
18
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you packed for our honeymoon already?
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Oh, sweetie.
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I'm a Jewish woman going on a 2-month cruise.
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Do you really think this is all the clothes I'm going to need?
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-Yes. -Oh?
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Oh, honey.
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Oh, I wish I could stay, but I gotta go to Ma's.
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-What? -Yeah.
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You know it's bad luck for the groom
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to see the bride 24 hours before the ceremony.
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But sweetheart, we have the house all to ourselves.
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Oh, I know, but no...
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No, sweetie...
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Oh, God!
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Oh, God!
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[timer beeping]
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-Oh, there's the 24 hours! -What?
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Yep. That was a warning. We only have two minutes left.
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-[Maxwell sighs] -Oh!
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I can do it in two minutes.
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You can?
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-Well, darling, it has been five years. -Oh! [chuckles]
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Let's go. You gotta get out now.
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Ma, we still have two minutes left.
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Trust me, there's only one man who can satisfy a woman in two minutes.
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Colonel Sanders.
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My bag! My bag!
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♪ She was working In a bridal shop ♪
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♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
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♪ Till her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪
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♪ In one of those Crushing scenes ♪
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♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪
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♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
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♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪
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♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪
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♪ She was there to sell make-up But the father saw more ♪
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♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there ♪
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♪ That's how she became ♪
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♪ The Nanny ♪
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♪ Who would have guessed That the girl we described ♪
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♪ Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed? ♪
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♪ Now, the father Finds her beguiling ♪
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♪ Watch out C.C. ♪
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♪ And the kids Are actually smiling ♪
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♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
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♪ She's the lady in red ♪
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♪ When everybody else Is wearing tan ♪
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♪ The flashy girl From Flushing ♪
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♪ The Nanny named Fran! ♪
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[Val] Oh, Fran, it's never gonna be like this again.
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Just the two of us, lying here together.
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God willing, Val.
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To think, you were almost gonna be the last girl in our class to get married.
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Oy! Wouldn't that have been pathetic?
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Val.
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I know. I just figured it out.
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Darling, it's time for the mother-daughter prenuptial talk.
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Valerie, would you go into the kitchen
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and heat me up a nice big piece of apple pie?
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Oh, I get it. You want some privacy.
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No, I want pie.
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Darling, I knew I would be too emotional on your wedding day,
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so I wrote you a letter.
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When did you have time to write it?
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On the day you were born.
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[chuckles]
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"My darling daughter,
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after 23 hours of agonizing labor..."
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PS. I'm never letting your father touch me again.
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"You're finally here.
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Darling, this is the happiest day of my life.
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Until today, your wedding day.
90
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And now here you are, 21 years old.
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Kennedy was president. We were all optimistic.
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Ma.
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You know I don't want you to think
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just because I'm getting married,
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that this is going to change anything between us.
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I may be living with Maxwell,
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but you'll always live in your own home.
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[laughs]
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Love you.
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Good night, sweetheart.
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Good night, Ma.
102
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[indistinct music playing]
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[music stops]
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Sir.
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With tomorrow being your wedding day,
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I thought a brandy might be in order.
107
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Ah, thank you, old man.
108
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-Oh, you want one? -[scoffs]
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Oh, Niles, I just hope I can live up to Fran's expectations.
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You know, I haven't been with a woman in quite some time.
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Well, double quite some time,
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add two, and welcome to my world, pal.
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It's just that she's so experienced.
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I mean, she's been with an Italian guy, Niles.
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Oh, sir, that was five years ago.
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Believe me, the woman is so ready,
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even an Englishman will please her.
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Oh, my God. The shoes don't fit! My shoes don't fit!
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They gave me the wrong shoes! They gave me the wrong shoes!
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Those are my shoes. They're my shoes.
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Oh! [chuckles] Relax, relax.
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-These are her shoes. -[Val laughs]
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There's my shoes.
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[all chuckle]
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-Fran? -Yeah?
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Do you want me to get you a cup of coffee?
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Honey, do I seem like I need a buzz?
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-Fran? Sweetie? -Yeah? Baby.
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-Uh, you know, as your bridesmaid... -Yeah.
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-...I got you something old... -Oh, good.
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...something new, something borrowed.
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-That's mine, Val. -Borrowed.
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[both chuckle]
134
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The only thing that I forgot...
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-Yeah? -...was something blue.
136
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Val, if I don't have something blue,
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I can't get married!
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Fran, Fran, Fran, you're gonna choke her!
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Well, at least I'll have something blue, won't I?
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-[knocking on door] -Shh!
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Now class it up.
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That could be somebody from his side of the family.
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Entree.
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Can Maxwell's baby sister have a word with the bride?
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Of course.
146
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Hello, darlings. Can we have some privacy?
147
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Oh, here, girls, why don't you go tie this onto the limo?
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We need to have a little privacy.
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I just wanted to give you a warm welcome to the Sheffield family.
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-Oh! -Welcome.
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I feel the love. I do. I do.
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And don't let it bother you that Mummy isn't coming today.
153
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-Mummy isn't coming today? -Oh, didn't you know?
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Oh, don't fret, darling.
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I remember how much Mummy hated Lester when I married him.
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She hates me?
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Oh, darling, Mummy only despised Lester
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because he's my chauffeur.
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She despises me?
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Oh, Jocelyn's saying too much.
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Look, darling, the point is Mummy adores Lester now.
162
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-Oh, good. -Of course, that could be because we're divorcing.
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What, you and Lester?
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Turns out Mummy was right. Classes can't mix.
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Sure they can. Sure they can.
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You loved Lester.
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You loved that he was so different from you.
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He was earthy and real.
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And from what I heard,
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he was a wild animal in the bedroom.
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Oh, yes.
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Eventually, darling, not having anything in common becomes a real bore.
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Oh, don't get me wrong, I still enjoy the love-making.
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Just not with Lester.
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[laughs]
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Look, darling, don't worry.
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It's completely different with you and Max.
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-It is? -I mean, Lester had no breeding.
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His family was utterly classless.
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Oy, where's the can?
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I took a diarrhetic instead of a Tylenol.
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-[sighs] -C.C.?
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I'm so sorry, I'm late.
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Can you imagine me, the bride, being late for my own wedding?
185
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-I'm kidding. -Oh. [sighs]
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[Maxwell chuckles nervously]
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Maxwell, if there's one thing the place taught me
188
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it's that it's Nanny Fine that you love.
189
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I'm very happy for the both of you.
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Well, thank you very much, C.C.
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[piano playing a note]
192
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[piano playing a note]
193
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[piano playing a note]
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Friends, family...
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would you excuse me for just one moment?
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[yelling] I'll kill her!
197
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How could you leave me standing at that darn altar?
198
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The minute this diarrhetic wears off,
199
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you're gonna get such hell.
200
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-Oh, hello, darling. -Hi.
201
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Listen, I don't know if you've checked your day planner recently.
202
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But, um, if you look under today's date, it says get married!
203
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Don't yell at me.
204
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Can't you see I'm falling apart?
205
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The wedding is over.
206
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God, you look incredible.
207
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Sweetheart, what do you mean the wedding is over?
208
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Oh, Jocelyn and Lester are getting a divorce.
209
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What has that to do with us?
210
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Their marriage didn't work because they're from two different worlds just like us.
211
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I mean, you're the sophisticated, classy Jocelyn
212
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and I'm Lester.
213
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[crying]
214
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The poor schlub who works for you.
215
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Oh, come on, darling. You never really work.
216
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:42,500
You know, it is so wrong to make a joke now.
217
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Oh, sweetheart, I love you.
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Sure now.
219
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I mean, now you find our differences charming.
220
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But sooner or later, you're going to get bored with me.
221
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And even though you won't admit it,
222
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I know that you're going to be bugged by the fact
223
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that your mother hates me.
224
00:13:01,466 --> 00:13:05,200
What? Who said my mother hates you?
225
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Your mean old sister.
226
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Oh, come here.
227
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Oh, Fran, my darling,
228
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how can I make you understand how much I adore you?
229
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[sobs] Well, a few examples would be good.
230
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All right. Let's start with your sense of humor.
231
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I love your vivacity,
232
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your guilelessness, your irreverence.
233
00:13:33,830 --> 00:13:35,416
Could you use words I understand?
234
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I love your pizazz, your fire, your passion.
235
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I love the way you get excited
236
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over a good piece of coffee cake.
237
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Or even a bad one.
238
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Oh, and I love that smile.
239
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Do you really need more?
240
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-Would you mind? -[chuckling]
241
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You see how you make me laugh?
242
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Oh, Fran, I love the way you love
243
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with all your heart and all your soul.
244
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The way you love the children.
245
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How they worship you.
246
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You know,
247
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you blew into our lives five years ago
248
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like a whirlwind.
249
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Made us all feel alive again.
250
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For that alone, I'll love you forever.
251
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-You don't think I'm pretty? -[chuckles]
252
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["Bridal Chorus" playing on the piano]
253
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Seven and a half carats.
254
00:15:38,830 --> 00:15:40,133
-[shutter clicks] -[guests laugh]
255
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We would like to begin the service
256
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with a traditional Jewish prayer.
257
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[singing in Hebrew]
258
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Maxwell, do you promise to love and cherish Francine,
259
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in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?
260
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I do.
261
00:16:24,266 --> 00:16:27,366
-Francine, do you... -I do.
262
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:31,660
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead.
263
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:34,233
Do you promise to love and cherish Maxwell,
264
00:16:34,266 --> 00:16:37,160
in sickness and in health,
265
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:39,366
-as long as you both shall live? -I do.
266
00:16:43,183 --> 00:16:45,316
If anyone here can give good cause
267
00:16:45,350 --> 00:16:47,300
as to why these two should not be married,
268
00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:51,166
let them speak now or forever hold their peace.
269
00:17:04,150 --> 00:17:07,330
By the power vested in us...
270
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:12,150
[both] ...we now pronounce you husband and wife.
271
00:17:12,183 --> 00:17:14,300
-[glass shatters] -Kiss your bride!
272
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:16,416
[cheering, applause]
273
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,300
[folk music playing]
274
00:17:39,383 --> 00:17:41,366
[cheering, applause]
275
00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:54,116
I don't want to say anything...
276
00:17:54,150 --> 00:17:56,316
but could this chicken be drier?
277
00:17:56,350 --> 00:17:59,283
I'll take the dry chicken over the fishy salmon.
278
00:17:59,316 --> 00:18:01,500
How is everything?
279
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:02,483
-Oh, delicious. -Delicious!
280
00:18:09,116 --> 00:18:14,660
I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm a little turned on.
281
00:18:18,216 --> 00:18:20,200
Hey, after the wedding,
282
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:23,166
would you and the countess like to join me and Morty
283
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:26,100
at the diner for a little French toast?
284
00:18:26,133 --> 00:18:29,316
-But we just ate. -Not French toast.
285
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,660
-He's a god! -He's a man!
286
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,000
-He's a god! -He's a man!
287
00:18:40,330 --> 00:18:42,283
Guys, this is hardly the place for a religious debate.
288
00:18:42,316 --> 00:18:44,316
We're talking about Sinatra.
289
00:18:47,316 --> 00:18:49,166
Ms. Babcock.
290
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:52,316
Oh, thank you, Niles, but you know I'm not supposed to...
291
00:18:55,233 --> 00:18:56,250
do that.
292
00:18:58,830 --> 00:19:00,200
How many times have you not done that tonight?
293
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,000
About eight.
294
00:19:04,450 --> 00:19:07,660
Oh, Niles, now that Maxwell's taken,
295
00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:09,160
my life is over.
296
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,433
Oh, Ms. Babcock, you always underestimate yourself.
297
00:19:11,466 --> 00:19:13,466
You have a lot to offer a man.
298
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,316
You're witty, you're sophisticated,
299
00:19:15,350 --> 00:19:17,183
you're beautiful, you're sexy.
300
00:19:17,216 --> 00:19:19,330
How many times have you done that tonight?
301
00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:20,100
About twelve.
302
00:19:22,233 --> 00:19:25,366
-Dance with me. -Okay, butler boy.
303
00:19:34,450 --> 00:19:37,000
-Mr. And Mrs. Sheffield. -Hi.
304
00:19:37,330 --> 00:19:39,000
Everything is parfait.
305
00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:41,250
Both families are getting along swimmingly.
306
00:19:41,283 --> 00:19:43,433
Oh, listen, who's got the energy to fight?
307
00:19:43,466 --> 00:19:46,383
I mean, his side is too drunk. My side's too full.
308
00:19:46,416 --> 00:19:47,450
-Oh! -[both laugh]
309
00:19:47,483 --> 00:19:49,300
[Stanley] That's it. I'm leaving!
310
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:50,383
Oh, here we go.
311
00:19:50,416 --> 00:19:52,160
What's the matter?
312
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:53,333
-Fran, I'm leaving. -Why?
313
00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:55,350
I'm tired of these people insulting me.
314
00:19:55,383 --> 00:19:59,383
Oh, Uncle Stanley, please, they don't mean any harm by it.
315
00:19:59,416 --> 00:20:01,333
They're just from another culture.
316
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:03,450
I'm talking about our side!
317
00:20:05,183 --> 00:20:07,500
Stanley, you sit down.
318
00:20:07,830 --> 00:20:11,000
We paid for your damn vegetarian dinner, now, you eat it!
319
00:20:13,483 --> 00:20:17,283
Oh, darling, what do you say we just get out of here?
320
00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:18,450
Oh, we can't leave yet.
321
00:20:18,483 --> 00:20:20,466
They haven't thrown the bouquet.
322
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,150
Darling, you... you do that. You're the bride. Remember?
323
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,450
[laughing]
324
00:20:27,483 --> 00:20:31,500
And there's your silver lining.
325
00:20:40,333 --> 00:20:43,433
I can't believe I'm kissing a married man.
326
00:20:46,283 --> 00:20:49,330
How would you like to join one in the bedroom?
327
00:20:49,660 --> 00:20:50,283
[Fran exclaims] Oh...
328
00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:54,000
That would be so wrong.
329
00:21:00,266 --> 00:21:02,283
Oh, my God, Fran.
330
00:21:03,450 --> 00:21:06,133
You look exquisite in this moonlight.
331
00:21:06,166 --> 00:21:12,166
Well, after 29, a girl's best light is candle and/or moon.
332
00:21:18,100 --> 00:21:19,433
I love you, my darling.
333
00:21:19,466 --> 00:21:21,830
I love you.
334
00:21:27,133 --> 00:21:29,416
Don't move. Don't move an inch.
335
00:21:29,450 --> 00:21:32,830
I want to remember you just like this. Let me get a camera.
336
00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:35,200
Okay. Don't forget to put the redeye on.
337
00:21:46,383 --> 00:21:48,400
-[shrieks] -[water splashes]
338
00:21:51,300 --> 00:21:52,300
Fran...
339
00:21:53,433 --> 00:21:55,830
Fran?
340
00:21:56,416 --> 00:21:57,400
Darling?
341
00:21:58,433 --> 00:21:59,433
Fran!
342
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,200
Ms. Fine!
343
00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:07,166
[Fran straining] It's Mrs. Sheffield.
344
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:10,100
Hang on, darling, I'm coming!
345
00:22:24,233 --> 00:22:26,233
[theme music playing]
346
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:43,183
[theme music ends]
25234
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