Original subtitles

[grunting]

What are you doing?

We're arm wrestling to see who gets your room.

Niles, she's a little girl.

[sobs] You're hurting me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ow!

Sucker.

Meanwhile, you're so busy deciding who gets my room

where am I supposed to sleep?

Well, Fran, once you're married you'll move in with Daddy.

Oh, my God.

This just keeps getting better and better.

Oh, there's my adorable new roommate now.

-Morning, darling. -You know, sweetie

last night, you didn't give me that little something

that I'm used to getting from you every week.

Oh, Fran, since we got engaged

I didn't think I had to give it you anymore.

Wait. I know what I'm talking about.

-What are you talking about? -Your paycheck.

Oh, thank God. That's what I'm talking about, too.

But honey, even though we're getting married, I still wanna work.

We have always been a two-income family.

Yes, dear, but your income always came out of my income.

I still wanna have a career.

I don't wanna be one of those wives that just sits around

having lunch with the girls, or shopping

or getting their hair done.

All right, well, you know what?

Maybe I'll try it for a couple of weeks.

[theme song playing]

♪She was working In a bridal shop In Flushing, Queens

♪Till her boyfriend Kicked her out

♪In one of those Crushing scenes

♪What was she to do? Where was she to go?

♪She was out on her fanny

♪So over the bridge From Flushing To the Sheffield's door

♪She was there to sell make-up But the father saw more

♪She had style! She had flair! She was there!

♪That's how she became The Nanny

♪Who would have guessed That the girl we described

♪Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed?

♪Now, the father Finds her beguiling

♪Watch out C.C.!

♪And the kids Are actually smiling

♪Such joie de vivre

♪She's the lady in red

♪When everybody else Is wearing tan

♪The flashy girl From Flushing

♪The Nanny named Fran!

[music playing]

C.C., I'm going through these wedding responses

and I see that you've only R.S.V.P.-ed for one.

You sure you don't want to bring a guest with you?

Well, I thought I might go with you.

Is that inappropriate?

Well, I am marrying Fran. I thought I might sit with her.

Of course. You think I'm serious?

Can I catch a ride with you guys?

Maxwell, I have two very important things

to talk to you about the wedding.

I say we honeymoon in the Caribbean

and we don't leave our suite for 36 hours.

Wow, I was thinking kishka or potato,

but your way is good, too.

Maxwell, will you get off this damn wedding!

We are on a deadline for this musical.

Maybe we should just cancel it.

C.C., we have investors we have to answer to.

I meant the wedding.

You know, C.C., I am a little concerned about this whole idea

of us producing an urban rap musical in the first place.

We're not exactly cutting edge, are we?

Oh, come on. Who is more cutting edge than you?

Who is the one that thought of putting Charles Nelson Reilly

and Rip Taylor inLove Letters

Ooh, in love!

Nanny Fine, we have work to do.

Now he may belong to you in every other room in this house

but in this room, he is mine!

-C.C., would you give us a minute? -Okay!

[music playing]

Ma, put the rosette down.

It's plaster.

You wanna scrape your esophagus again?

Miss Fine, Mrs. Fine.

-Welcome, welcome. -Hi.

I'm Dirk, your wedding coordinator.

And may I say, we are honored that you selected us

for the Fine-Sheffield reception.

It's truly the wedding of the century.

Well, it took nearly that long to happen.

Now, Dirk, I just wanna tell you,

ours is a mixed marriage.

He's from drinkers, we're from eaters,

so let's plan the menu accordingly.

Oh, fun, fun, funny, fun, fun.

Now, may I suggest, as your guests arrive

we wow them with an ice sculpture of the Trevi Fountain.

-Oh! -Oh!

A fountain sounds nice,

but can they make it out of chopped liver?

Oh, challenge, challenge, challenge.

I love it. I love it.

Okay, now we have over 75 hors d'oeuvres to choose from.

Would you like to taste them, or would you trust me--

-[both] Taste. -Okay.

Assistant! Assistant!

Oh. [clears throat] I'm working with a new person. Forgive me.

Look at me, I'm like Regis without Kathie Lee.

Ma, you know, I have a little problem I need to talk to you about.

Mr. Sheffield doesn't want me to work anymore.

And the conundrum would be...

I mean, it's not as if I'm not gonna be busy enough

performing my wifely duties

and God knows I've had that stored up for five years.

Who's gonna have the energy to work?

But still, I wanna feel like I contribute something to the marriage.

Oh, sure you will. You're his partner in life.

You're the woman behind the man.

Help him. Support him.

Be there for him.

Never refuse him.

You get me?

Yeah, I get you. You're talking about dinner, right?

What else is there?

Now, would it be too presumptuous to ask about the releasing of the doves?

Oh, no doves. There's no meat on them.

[music playing]

You call this a wedding menu?

Ceviche, sashimi, squid?

Who the heck is the chef, Jules Verne?

The seating plan is a nightmare.

I've got a lord, a lady and a countess

sitting next to a Cookie, an Izzy, and a Schmooey.

We're back. Sammy, Yetta,

we're leaving in an hour.

So start putting on your coats...

now.

-Uh, Fran. -Yeah?

Before we hit the road,

I have a favor to ask of you.

Do you think Mr. Sheffield could get my grandson a job on Broadway?

Oh, I don't know, Sammy.

I mean, I really don't like to interfere

in Maxwell's business.

[all] Since when?

Since I got a lot more than six bucks an hour to lose.

Oh, he's a brilliant rapper.

A great artist.

Last December,

uh, he rapped for Puff Daddy.

Oh! A brilliant rap artist?

Oh, Ma. Ma, come here.

Did you hear that? This is my opportunity.

Maxwell is producing a rap musical.

It's all about violent gangs

that fight in the street and every so often

stop to sing poignantly about it.

Well, darling, here's your chance.

What are you waiting for?

Now you can be the woman behind the man.

You know where your father would be today

if I hadn't pushed him?

Not collecting disability?

Well, Ty, you can rest easily tonight.

Yes, I have found the perfect star for your rap musical.

Mm-hmm. Oh, he's fresh off the streets,

he's talented, he's dynamic.

You can see for yourself Tuesday night.

Have you found someone yet?

Make that Wednesday night.

Oh, God, I knew this was a mistake to try and do this musical.

Maxwell, you know what you need? You need a break.

Why don't you and I charter a yacht

and just sail down to St. Barths.

C.C., that's where I'm taking Fran for our honeymoon.

Well, doesn't Miss Special get to do everything!

Oh, Maxwell,

I have found the perfect star for your new musical.

It's a relative of mine.

Nanny Fine, no one wants to hear your relative speak,

let alone sing.

Darling, you shouldn't go worrying your pretty little head

with all our business.

No, you should be busy planning our wedding.

Are you patronizing me?

No, no, baby.

No, of course not.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Why won't you let me help you?

I mean, it's not as if I've ever screwed up...

Okay, switching gears.

My guy Irwin rapped with Puff Daddy.

-Really? -That's right.

Well, he turned us down.

He didn't think we were hip enough for him.

Oh, no, don't tell me you bored him

with that Mary Martin trivia.

Well, a lot of people don't know she's Larry Hagman's mother.

C.C., look, maybe it's worth a chance.

Maybe this Irwin has some talent.

Maxwell, our entire professional reputation

is resting on the expertise of a woman

who thinks The Importance of Being Earnest

is the sequel toErnest Scared Stupid!

Well, it's not like we've done any better, is it?

Besides, maybe Fran has exactly what we need.

Whoa! Now just wait a minute.

This is business and business is my turf!

-No, I want to go with her guy. -Okay!

Oh, are you still upset about the wedding?

I have something that'll cheer you up.

Single girls, gather round.

Listen, I still have a chance with Maxwell

as long as I am his business partner

and I am in this house every single day.

Yes, and why should you lose your job?

I mean, it's not as though she's in there

with some brilliant casting idea.

Come on. That won't break up your partnership.

When Yoko married John, did that break up The Beatles?

[music playing]

Fran, I know that this is last minute,

but can I bring a date to the wedding?

He's really cute.

[gasps] Does he have a brother?

Force of habit. I got to stop that.

Sure, sweetie.

-[bell dings] -Ooh!

That's Sammy's grandson,

the future star of your father's new musical,

thanks to me.

But I don't want to toot my own horn.

Beep, beep.

Oh, hi, Sammy. I didn't know you were coming.

Well, somebody had to drive Irwin.

Well, where is he?

Hi. I'm Irwin.

Hi. I'm scared.

Do you always dress that way to sing

or were you just audited?

I don't sing

and I don't make enough to get audited.

What do you mean you don't sing?

Your grandfather told me that you're a great rapper.

Oh, I'm the best, I'm the best.

You got Scotch tape, paper, and a ribbon?

You're a gift-wrapper?

Sammy, why did you tell me that he rapped for Puff Daddy?

Well, he did last Christmas.

Yeah. Puff likes lots of bows and those little plastic Santas.

Who cares!

Why did you tell your grandfather

that you wanted to work on Broadway?

Well, I live on 8th Avenue. I figured I could just walk.

[music playing]

[music playing]

Sammy, do you realize that Mr. Sheffield

has one of the most important composers on Broadway

coming here to listen to a gift-wrapper

from Crate and Barrel?

Pottery Barn. We were first.

Look. It's not the first time that I've screwed up.

What's he going to do? Take back the ring? [gasps]

Give me something salty. I'll bloat.

He'll never get this ring off.

Listen, I don't want to ruin everything for you.

You know, maybe this is a blessing in disguise.

I don't want to be a gift-wrapper all my life.

Maybe I do have some talent.

My grand-daddy, he plays the piano and sings great.

Oh, stop, you're making me blush.

Just let me try.

Okay, well, what have I got to lose?

Try really hard.

♪Home, home on the range

♪Where the deer And the antelope play

-Who's that? -Irwin.

Miss Fine!

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Mr. Sheffield, um, uh...

you know what, I was just thinking.

-Rap is dead. -What are you talking about?

It's the hottest thing on Broadway.

Well, then it must be me that's dead.

Now would you excuse us a minute, please?

I want to see you in my office.

Get something salty! Salty pretzels!

Wait till you meet the mother.

I have a very important composer coming to this house

in less than 24 hours

expecting to meet Puff Daddy's protege.

Well, I never said protege.

That was your embellishment. Bye, now.

Miss Fine!

You're calling me Miss Fine? That can't be a good thing.

Oh.

It's not. Trust me.

Why did I listen to you?

Why did I think things were going to be different

just because we got engaged?

Well, first of all,

we are still engaged, aren't we?

Oh, now, 'Home, Home On The Range'

happens to be a very complicated number.

That does not mean he isn't an excellent rapper.

So why don't you stop adding gray

to that beautiful head of hair of yours?

He does rap? You're not patronizing me?

No, baby.

No, I can look you straight in the eyes and say

Irwin is one professional wrapper.

Yes, a gift wrapper for Crate and Barrel.

Is that true?

No, it is not.

It's Pottery Barn. They were first.

[music playing]

Niles, have you seen Mr. Sheffield?

Oh, I have never seen him this angry at me before.

Well, I have, but not today.

I'm not speaking to you.

Why? What did I do to you?

You have ruined our wedding.

For five years, I've been waiting for this day.

What am I going to say to the other butlers in the market?

Do you know what it's like to be the only one in the park

with no wedding pictures to show?

Yes, I do.

Well, don't just stand there.

I beat Miss Grace playing hoops and I want your room.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Turn Irwin into some kind of a street rapper?

I don't know anything about rap.

Well, either that or call your mother

and tell her the wedding's off.

Whuzzup, Irwin? It's time to get bomb-biggity.

You go, girl.

[hip-hop music playing]

♪So Mr. Twister Hit him with her Fame's M.C.'s quicker

♪This is what I picture When tipsy off liquor

♪Sitting thinking of a style Like no other

♪Honk and run for cover Dipping in my Hummer

And so.

Thank you, Blue.

Oh, excellent. Really. Truly, excellent.

Well, I'll be getting in touch with your, uh, posse.

No, no, no, no.

Why can't I express to you what I'm looking for?

It's in the rhythm, Max, the rhythm.

You see, I see things in geometric shapes.

This is what I want.

You know, bring me this guy.

Uh, yes.

Uh, can't get him. He's in Ragtime.

So is that it? Is that all of them?

What about the guy you hyped on the phone?

Well, you know, he turned out to be a bust.

He was discovered by Maxwell's nanny slash fiancée

slash back to nanny again.

Listen, Ty, if you can see your way to give us a few more days,

I know there has to be another

him in this town.

I'm sorry, Max, but, uh...

I don't think we're on the same page.

[hip-hop music playing]

♪You can try to throw salt

♪But I keep my game face on

♪And the only thing On your mind

♪Is stalking more digits Than a telephone

♪Me and thirty-nine thieves

♪Jumping out of white Hummer

♪From Compton While your crew Get dumb and dumber

♪Grew up Straight out of low cash Like C.B. fo'

♪Now I got dough And you got one night stands Like gangsta, yo

♪See on the low It's all gravy

♪But the threat Of this new world order Is about to drive me crazy

♪And all you want Is the Lex and gold Visa

♪And bomb singles And stacking your chips Like Pringles

♪While my rhymes Jack for platinum plaques

♪Quicker than one time Jack Blacks I twist sacks and sip yac

♪Plus the Invisible Man Got my back like a spine

♪So why you all up in mine?

♪Keep the money and the fame Because all I really Want to hold

♪Is my artistic freedom And control of my soul

Bravo.

The guy's great. What are you saving the best for last?

Yes, he was

because that's his style.

Slow to the point of madness

and then he proposes.

Well, Ty, why don't we step into my office and talk some business, huh?

-Fran, why don't you bring Irwin along. -Okay.

-Oh, Irwin. Irwin. -I'm so excited.

Fran, this is so phat, Fran.

Oh, Irwin, I know that phat is a good thing,

but please don't say it so near to my name.

Well, Niles.

I guess I know where I stand.

Outside the door.

Well, at least it's over.

The pain.

The degradation.

The shame.

I'm frightened.

I don't want to be alone.

Well, you finally went crackers.

Yes, hello, Dr. Balk. This is Niles.

Yes, it's about Miss Babcock.

Yes, well, I think we have a little problem.

She's behaving in a very strange way.

Well, I wouldn't call it delusional.

Grandmama, is that you?

Yes, child. Maybe I would.

Come along.

[music playing]

Come on, Chester. Yes.

-Hi, Chester. -There you go.

Hi, sweetie.

Fran, this fun. How long do we get to keep Chester here?

Oh, until Miss Babcock is released...

I mean comes home.

Yeah, you mean, from her vacation?

Uh-huh.

You know, it's really so funny.

Usually when a pet misses its master,

it's really depressed and walks around whimpering.

Hey.

-Frannie. -Oh. Hi, kids.

Sammy has a niece that wants to sing at your wedding.

Oh, I'm sorry, Sammy,

but Maxwell has a new policy.

No more relatives.

Okay, Aretha, she said no.

Aretha? Aretha?

Call her back! Call her back!

-You want her? -Yes! Wait till Maxwell hears.

Uh, D.M.V.

Aretha Jones, please.

[music playing]

[theme music playing]

[music playing]