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Ah, Happy New Year, Isaac.
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Thank you, Mr. Sheffield.
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Oh, Maxwell, look at the poster I had made
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to convince Margo to do our show,Marie Antoinette.
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Now, listen, when she gets here, I don't want any screw-ups.
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[sniffing]
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What are you doing?
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I'm sniffing for Alberto VO5 Top Ramen,
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anything that reeks of Nanny Fine.
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[sniffing]
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I told you, she's out of the house.
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Okay, okay.
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Oh, look, I had them paint on Margo's trademark mole.
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Isn't it amazing how one bodily imperfection
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-can make someone famous? -Oh!
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Then, you should be known worldwide.
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Maxwell, have you noticed how calm the house is without Nanny Fine here?
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No one to get in the way or make a scene.
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[sighs]
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No idiotic stunts just to meet a movie star.
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-Ms. Lange, sir. -[Maxwell] Oh.
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-Maxwell. -Margo.
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Uh, you've met my associate, C.C. Babcock.
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[laughing] Oh, yes, we had lunch at Spago.
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I adored her. Is she here?
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-That's me, Margo. -Oh.
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Now, about my co-star.
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I was thinking about that delicious Lopez boy from Saved by the Bell.
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[scoffs] What is he, 18? Next to him, you'll look...
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less French.
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Maxwell, darling, do something.
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Your gardener is gawking at me.
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Hmm?
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Um... um, would you... would you excuse me a minute?
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Uh, there's a wandering Jew on the terrace
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that needs transplanting.
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Come here. Sit over here.
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Are you insane? What are you doing out here?
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[indistinct]
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[Maxwell] Don't you push me.
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-Excuse me. -[Maxwell] Don't you push me.
42
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[C.C.] ...but Margo Lange is inside.
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Of course, I do.
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-Oh, hello, Ms. Margo Lange. -Ms. Fine!
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[Fran squeals]
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-What are you doing to me? -I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
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-[Margo] Ow! -Oh, my...
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-Stop! -Oh.
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-Oh, my God. -What are you doing?
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Ms. Lange, your famous mole.
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-Where is it? -What?
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Here it is.
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♪ She was working In a bridal shop ♪
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♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
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♪ Til her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪
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♪ In one of those Crushing scenes ♪
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♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪
58
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♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
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♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪
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♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪
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♪ She was there to sell make-up But the father saw more ♪
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♪ She had style! She had flair She was there ♪
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♪ That's how she became ♪
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♪ The Nanny ♪
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♪ Who would have guessed That the girl we described ♪
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♪ Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed? ♪
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♪ Now, the father Finds her beguiling ♪
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♪ Watch out C.C. ♪
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♪ And the kids Are actually smiling ♪
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♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
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♪ She's the lady in red ♪
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♪ When everybody else Is wearing tan ♪
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♪ The flashy girl From Flushing ♪
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♪ The Nanny named Fran! ♪
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[on TV]This is Cindy Adams from New
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and have I got dirt for you.
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A certain Park Avenue butler signed a three-million-dollar book deal
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and here's how he did it.
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-[Maxwell] Ms. Fine! -Oh.
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[mumbling incoherently]
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Would you excuse us, please?
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I'd like a word alone with Ernest.
83
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You had to meet her in person.
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My telephoto lens and parabolic dish weren't good enough for you.
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[inhales]
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I'm not going to yell.
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I'm not going to scream.
88
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I just want to have a conversation like rational, mature adults.
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With me?
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Now... [clears throat]
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we both know what the most important thing
92
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in a relationship is, don't we?
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Forgiveness?
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No. Trust!
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Trust is the most important thing!
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Do you realize Margo Lange
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has one of the most recognizable faces in the world because of that mole?
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Can you imagine what would happen
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if word got out it were fake?
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Well, excuse me,
101
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but are you implying that I cannot keep this thing a secret?
102
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Oh, come on, Ms. Fine.
103
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The only secret safe with you is your age.
104
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Barry Scheck and a whole drum of sodium Pentothal
105
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couldn't drag that out.
106
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Well, I find it very hurtful
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that you think that I have nothing better to do
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than to pass idle gossip.
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Who cares if her fakakta mole is a fake?
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Big deal.
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I was just trying to lighten up the conversation.
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I know you tend to get nervous when you have to go to the doctors.
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I'm not scared of the examination.
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I'm talking about getting weighed.
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Now, did you write down all the stuff you ate yesterday like the doctor asked you to?
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Let me see.
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Well, you did really well. I'm proud of you.
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Mmm...
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Hmm. Look at this.
120
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Oprah gained back all the weight.
121
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-[gasps] -Oh, that poor girl.
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Oh. Oh, 1989.
123
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Well, look who's on the cover.
124
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Again with her?
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So, Margo Lange's mole is fake.
126
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-Who cares? -Ma.
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Who's going to hear? Liz Smith?
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Meanwhile, I had six moles taken off my back.
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You didn't care. You didn't even send a card.
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Excuse me. Do you mind if I sit here?
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-There's a draft. -No. Not at all.
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Meanwhile, you smell delicious. What have you got on?
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Thank you. It's called Gossip. Take mine.
134
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That's very nice of you. Thanks.
135
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Don't get too chummy. You're in a doctor's office.
136
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You never know what somebody's got.
137
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So tell me, what do you do, a gorgeous girl like you?
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-Act, model, what? -I'm just a housewife.
139
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-Sylvia, Dr. Hirsch is ready for you. -Oh, hi.
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-Hi, Estelle. -Hi, Fran.
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-Are you doing okay? -It's nice to see you again.
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Who is that young lady? She looks so familiar to me.
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You know Maxwell Sheffield, the Broadway producer?
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-Yes. -That's his nanny. Can you believe?
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Five years she's working for him, still hasn't proposed.
146
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Ah, can... Cancel my appointment.
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[dialing]
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It's Cindy. Scrap my segment.
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I'm reshooting and I want it on tonight.
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Oh, you bet it's big! Ah!
151
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Well, the thing is, Ma absolutely has to lose weight,
152
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so we can't keep food in the house anymore.
153
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Help me scarf back some of this Godiva.
154
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Fran, you can't control what your mother eats.
155
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She doesn't live here.
156
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When did she move out?
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Mmm. I'm so glad that I don't have a weight problem.
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I can eat anything I want.
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Pizza, ice cream.
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You know, me too. Candy, cake.
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-Mmm. Must be in our genes. -Mmm-hmm.
162
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Meanwhile, when Ma was your ages, she was thinner than both of you.
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Maxwell! Maxwell!
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The Gossip Channel is going to plug ourMarie Antoinette
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Mazel tov.
166
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Now, Margo is still willing to do it despite the incident.
167
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We just have to keep her real happy.
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[man on TV] In Los Angeles, Rob McCormick and in New York, Cindy Adams.
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Who is that?
170
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-Hmm? Cindy Adams, the columnist. -[This is Cindy Adams
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-from New York... -I know her.
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[shushing]
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Big news from The Great White Way involving the latest
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from too-handsome-for-words producer, Maxwell Sheffield.
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She's the only columnist I respect.
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Starring in his next outing
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is none other than the queen of the beauty marks, Margo Lange.
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Oh. Oh, now I know where I know her from.
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Well, kiddies, I've got a little outing of my own to do.
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The mole is fake.
181
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And this comes straight from Maxwell Sheffield's nanny.
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Ms. Fine!
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Freeze.
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[sighs]
185
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Do you... Do you hate me? Is that what it is?
186
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[stammers] Are you trying to get back at me
187
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for back-peddling in our relationship?
188
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-Is that what this is all about? -No.
189
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No. No. This is a personality disorder.
190
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Yeah. It's, uh, you know,
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when you watch your mother fry up your Mr. Potato Head,
192
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it scars you.
193
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You know, you're... You're my kryptonite, that's what you are.
194
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You're the only thing that can hurt me.
195
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Not the critics, not the actors' union, not the bloody IRS.
196
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Kryptonite. You mean the stuff that could hurt Superman...
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Who the hell cares what it is?
198
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-[sighs] -I'm sorry, Mr. Sheffield.
199
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I was just telling Ma in confidence.
200
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I mean, who knew that Cindy Adams was the one
201
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that would give me this perfume?
202
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Gossip by Cindy Adams.
203
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Ms. Fine, you remember our conversation about trust?
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Yeah. Why?
205
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Well, you realize you and I cannot have a relationship
206
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if I can't trust you.
207
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And now, it seems fairly obvious.
208
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I can't.
209
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Meanwhile, I have never seen Mr. Sheffield so upset.
210
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He was dead serious. He hates me.
211
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He reviles me.
212
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I wouldn't be surprised if he never talked to me again.
213
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Oh, this is going to set the engagement way back.
214
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Has anyone noticed how I haven't touched the cake?
215
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Yeah, Ma. You're doing really good.
216
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-I'm so proud of you. -[Val] Yeah.
217
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-Thank you. -Meanwhile, Val.
218
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Did you taste these double-chocolate brownies
219
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stuffed with cheesecake centers?
220
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Please. I'm still working on this cannoli.
221
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-It's got chips. -Let me taste.
222
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-Mmm. -Huh?
223
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Let me have a knife.
224
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Why, Ma? You're not going to cheat, are you?
225
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For my wrist.
226
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You know, Sylvia. My mother joined the Diet Center
227
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and she has lost 120 pounds.
228
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Another 50 and she can start sleeping upstairs again.
229
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What are you digging for, Ma?
230
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I'm making sure I remembered my phone.
231
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Sammy's calling me from Florida and I don't want to miss him.
232
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Oh, I just can't believe what I did to poor Margo Lange.
233
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There's got to be a way that I can help Mr. Sheffield out of this jam.
234
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Well, Fran, why don't you just go to her and beg her for mercy?
235
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You know, tell her what you did to Elton John and to Elizabeth Taylor.
236
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And to Cher. And to Bette Midler.
237
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-Lamb Chop. -See.
238
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Well, this... this would pale by comparison, really.
239
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Well, if no one is going to have any more of the cake, I'm going to put it away.
240
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-Yeah, that's good. -[Val] Mmm-hmm.
241
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Out of sight, out of mind.
242
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Smart. Yeah, Ma.
243
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Very smart.
244
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-[thud] -[Fran] Mmm.
245
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Stop her! Stop her!
246
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She's got the cake! Stop her!
247
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Sometimes, I wonder where those two nuts came from.
248
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[clinking glass]
249
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Hello?
250
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[doorbell rings]
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Magda, ouvrez la porte, s'il vous plait.
252
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[doorbell continues ringing]
253
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Magda! La porte!
254
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-[doorbell rings again] -Magda, the dog walker's back!
255
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Good boy, good boy. Bad boy, bad boy!
256
00:14:25,216 --> 00:14:27,660
[panting]
257
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,000
Well, there's good news and bad news.
258
00:14:29,330 --> 00:14:31,660
Uh, the good news is, Booboo did his business.
259
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:33,400
The bad news is, he did it in there.
260
00:14:34,450 --> 00:14:37,133
You... You assassin!
261
00:14:37,166 --> 00:14:40,233
Oh, Ms. Lange, I don't blame you for being angry at me.
262
00:14:40,266 --> 00:14:42,433
Where's that .45 automatic Chuck Heston gave me?
263
00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:48,283
Please. If you'll just give me a minute of your time.
264
00:14:48,316 --> 00:14:50,216
To what? Finish me off?
265
00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:54,216
Okay. Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake.
266
00:14:54,250 --> 00:14:56,000
Now, get out.
267
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,300
-Ooh. Fake? -Real.
268
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:02,000
Oh. That's what fake-fake will get you.
269
00:15:04,116 --> 00:15:06,250
Oh, Ms. Lange, please. This is all my fault.
270
00:15:06,283 --> 00:15:09,100
Don't take it out on Mr. Sheffield and quit his play.
271
00:15:09,133 --> 00:15:13,160
Do you honestly think I'm going to show my face on a Broadway stage?
272
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,300
I won't even leave this apartment.
273
00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:19,133
Oh, so, what are you gonna do? Live in exile?
274
00:15:19,166 --> 00:15:21,216
Let the sun shine in.
275
00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:23,350
This is yesterday's news.
276
00:15:23,383 --> 00:15:26,160
Nobody cares about that.
277
00:15:32,150 --> 00:15:33,250
Anyhoo...
278
00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:37,416
You know, I have this great idea
279
00:15:37,450 --> 00:15:41,830
that would just turn this whole negative into a positive.
280
00:15:41,116 --> 00:15:43,316
Oh, please, please, Ms. Lange.
281
00:15:43,350 --> 00:15:47,160
If you'll just hear me out, I will do anything.
282
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,283
Fine. Clean up after the puppy.
283
00:16:02,330 --> 00:16:05,150
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, do I have exciting news for you.
284
00:16:05,183 --> 00:16:07,416
I know. I know. I just got off the phone with Margo.
285
00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:09,166
She's back in my show.
286
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:10,466
Now, how on earth did you do it?
287
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,183
Oh, well, Margo swore me to secrecy.
288
00:16:13,216 --> 00:16:15,250
You know, one slip of the tongue can ruin it.
289
00:16:15,283 --> 00:16:17,383
I cannot speak to a living soul about it.
290
00:16:17,416 --> 00:16:20,216
Well, wait, wait, are you... Are you telling me you don't trust me?
291
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:22,100
I thought we had a relationship.
292
00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:25,100
Oh, now, wait a minute. Let me get this straight.
293
00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:29,383
We've got a relationship, but only when it's convenient for you?
294
00:16:33,183 --> 00:16:34,166
I can live with that.
295
00:16:36,383 --> 00:16:38,333
Let me tell you. Here it is.
296
00:16:38,366 --> 00:16:42,383
We are going to market artificial Margo Lange beauty marks
297
00:16:42,416 --> 00:16:44,250
and sell it on the Internet.
298
00:16:46,660 --> 00:16:47,350
Oh, come on, come on. You can tell me.
299
00:16:47,383 --> 00:16:50,116
That's it.
300
00:16:50,150 --> 00:16:52,100
And I thought of it all by myself.
301
00:16:52,133 --> 00:16:55,133
-That I believe. -Stop it.
302
00:17:01,830 --> 00:17:04,400
Look at you with your big head, sitting around drooling.
303
00:17:04,433 --> 00:17:07,160
Put a toupee on you, you could be my father.
304
00:17:10,483 --> 00:17:13,200
You know, Margo, I don't like kids any more than you do,
305
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:14,366
but it's history.
306
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,830
Marie and Louis had two children.
307
00:17:17,116 --> 00:17:20,300
We can't just get rid of them.
308
00:17:20,333 --> 00:17:23,500
What about a plague? Weren't there plagues back then?
309
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:26,233
Ooh.
310
00:17:26,266 --> 00:17:30,250
Hey, partner. I've got some great marketing ideas to run by ya.
311
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:33,466
Oh, marketing ideas? Didn't you read this morning's Wall Street Journal?
312
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:38,830
No, but how funny was "The Wizard of Id" this morning?
313
00:17:40,116 --> 00:17:42,450
My dear, Coty came out with a fake beauty mark.
314
00:17:42,483 --> 00:17:45,500
Someone stole our idea.
315
00:17:45,830 --> 00:17:46,300
Oh, no.
316
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:49,350
You mean there's a mole in our mole organization?
317
00:17:50,450 --> 00:17:52,466
Those are the breaks, darling.
318
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,233
So you mean, that's it?
319
00:17:55,266 --> 00:17:58,400
All our hopes and dreams just went down the drain?
320
00:17:58,433 --> 00:17:59,483
Well, just yours.
321
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,216
I'm up for the role of Succubus Queen
322
00:18:02,250 --> 00:18:04,466
onXena: Warrior Princess.
323
00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:16,150
-Uh, Niles. -Mmm-hmm.
324
00:18:16,183 --> 00:18:17,183
Where's Ms. Fine?
325
00:18:17,216 --> 00:18:19,133
She hasn't been out of her room all day.
326
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:20,433
Poor thing's been going out of her mind,
327
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:23,350
trying to decide who blabbed and sabotaged her dream.
328
00:18:23,383 --> 00:18:25,100
-What's that? For whom? -Soup. Ms. Fine.
329
00:18:25,133 --> 00:18:26,133
-Where did you get it? -I made it.
330
00:18:26,166 --> 00:18:27,250
You blabbed, didn't you?
331
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,000
Oh, Niles, I was...
332
00:18:32,330 --> 00:18:34,233
I was at the Friars Club with Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner.
333
00:18:34,266 --> 00:18:36,000
They're so bloody funny.
334
00:18:36,330 --> 00:18:38,830
I was desperate for an amusing anecdote.
335
00:18:38,116 --> 00:18:40,133
Hmm. So you're sitting with the men
336
00:18:40,166 --> 00:18:42,433
who wrote the classic 2000 Year Old Man
337
00:18:42,466 --> 00:18:47,100
and you tried to wow them with the mole story.
338
00:18:47,133 --> 00:18:50,500
Oh, all right, all right. Just drop it, would you, Niles?
339
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,133
What am I going to do about it? This was her dream, Niles.
340
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,200
She was so excited about this cosmetics business
341
00:18:55,233 --> 00:18:59,500
and I went and ruined the whole thing by opening my big mouth.
342
00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:01,233
Oh, there's no way I can make this up to her.
343
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:04,133
Well, you could propose.
344
00:19:04,166 --> 00:19:06,416
Oh, would you get serious, Niles?
345
00:19:06,450 --> 00:19:08,266
Just get off that track, would you?
346
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:09,400
And finally, once in your life,
347
00:19:09,433 --> 00:19:11,216
come up with something I could actually use.
348
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:12,283
[Niles] Hmm.
349
00:19:12,316 --> 00:19:16,150
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, I'm so miserable.
350
00:19:16,183 --> 00:19:18,830
I keep trying to think.
351
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:22,500
Who? Who would do this to me?
352
00:19:22,830 --> 00:19:24,366
-Marry me? -It was you?
353
00:19:30,483 --> 00:19:35,133
You blabbed and you think that by proposing, it's going to make up for it?
354
00:19:36,366 --> 00:19:38,333
Well, you thought right, baby.
355
00:19:43,150 --> 00:19:46,200
-Oh, Niles, wait till you hear. -I heard.
356
00:19:50,466 --> 00:19:53,316
-Oh, talk about fate. -[chuckles]
357
00:19:53,350 --> 00:19:57,183
I mean, if I hadn't washed off Margo Lange's mole,
358
00:19:57,216 --> 00:19:59,500
we never would have gone into business together,
359
00:19:59,830 --> 00:20:01,183
Mr. Sheffield never would have blabbed and he never would have...
360
00:20:01,216 --> 00:20:04,366
-He never would have... -What?
361
00:20:06,466 --> 00:20:08,466
Oh, Niles.
362
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,300
Who am I kidding here?
363
00:20:11,333 --> 00:20:15,333
I don't want a proposal from a man out of guilt.
364
00:20:15,366 --> 00:20:18,483
Oh, God, 12 generations of Fine women just rolled over.
365
00:20:23,116 --> 00:20:27,233
Oh, but that's no way for us to start our lives together.
366
00:20:27,266 --> 00:20:30,166
But I don't understand. Isn't this what you've been working for?
367
00:20:31,283 --> 00:20:34,250
It is, isn't it?
368
00:20:34,283 --> 00:20:37,330
Oh, but I want him to ask me because
369
00:20:37,660 --> 00:20:39,366
he can't imagine his life without me.
370
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,216
'Cause he really means it.
371
00:20:43,150 --> 00:20:46,416
I kind of think I... deserve that.
372
00:20:46,450 --> 00:20:49,433
So, you're actually going to let him out of it?
373
00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:54,200
-Yeah, I am. -Oh. [chuckles]
374
00:20:54,233 --> 00:20:56,400
Oh, boy. Have I come a long way, huh?
375
00:20:56,433 --> 00:20:57,416
[both chuckle]
376
00:20:58,383 --> 00:21:00,133
There you are.
377
00:21:00,166 --> 00:21:03,150
Come on, Niles, why don't you crack open a bottle of champagne?
378
00:21:03,183 --> 00:21:05,160
Let's... let's celebrate.
379
00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:09,200
Hmm? Oh, you mean that proposal out there?
380
00:21:09,233 --> 00:21:12,300
I didn't take that seriously.
381
00:21:12,333 --> 00:21:14,250
I just wanted to see you sweat.
382
00:21:14,283 --> 00:21:17,450
Wh... What?
383
00:21:17,483 --> 00:21:20,660
You know, you should have seen
384
00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:22,433
the look on your face when I said yes.
385
00:21:24,466 --> 00:21:29,200
It's just about as good as the look on Ma's face when I tell her I said no.
386
00:21:35,483 --> 00:21:38,383
Uh, why don't we just forget the whole thing ever happened, huh?
387
00:21:38,416 --> 00:21:39,400
[Maxwell] Mmm.
388
00:21:41,450 --> 00:21:45,116
Well, once again, you managed to get yourself out of it.
389
00:21:45,483 --> 00:21:47,200
Yes.
390
00:21:47,233 --> 00:21:50,266
Only this time, I'm not quite sure I really wanted to.
391
00:22:01,100 --> 00:22:05,416
You're doing so good with your diet.
392
00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:07,466
Yeah, Sylvia. I gotta say, I'm impressed.
393
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,400
Thank you. [chuckles]
394
00:22:20,433 --> 00:22:22,416
[theme music playing]
395
00:22:38,383 --> 00:22:39,416
[theme music ends]
30072
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