Original subtitles

Isn't he adorable?

My next door neighbor's cat had kittens.

Oh, you mean that old bald cat with no tail?

Uh-huh.

Oh, perfect. Even she has kids before me.

It's spring, Fran. Everyone gets a little hot and bothered.

You know, the Discovery Channel said it affects

all living orgasms.

Orgasms, Val?

What were you watching, Norm Crosby's wild kingdom?

Excuse me, you just finished exercising.

What are you doing eating cake, Sylvia?

- Carrot cake, vegetable. - Oh, excuse me.

I need a reward. I just skated my butt off.

Not really.

I'm going for a whole new, youthful look.

I've been killing myself all week trying to drop a pound.

How does Mr. Sheffield keep in shape?

Running from commitment.

Oh, here's Carl Lewis now.

Well, I'm off to London, Ms. Fine,

- to catch Celine Dion in concert. - Ooh!

Yeah. I'm gonna try and talk her into doing Broadway.

I'm leaving at 6:00. [SNIFFS]

What is that intoxicating scent you have on?

Well, I'm not, uh...

Oh, wait a minute. Oh, it's a snuggle.

You look very fetching in that robe.

What do you mean?

I packed your bags, sir.

Here's your passport, your ticket, pictures of the children

and one of Ms. Fine.

You know, I almost got this robe in pink too--

You're taking a picture of me?

Well, you are family, Ms. Fine. I have some of Niles in here.

Yeah, well, meanwhile, he ain't wearing a bikini.

Oh, I am in this one.

Anyway, I'll be gone for three whole days.

I'm gonna miss you.

Aww.

So if you need me, I'll be at the Connell.

Okay, have a safe trip.

Can you believe that guy?

He sniffs my snuggles, and then he's out of here.

That is it.

You know, I am just putting an end

to this whole cat and mouse thing for once and for all.

- Oh, my God, Fran, how romantic. - What?

You're gonna follow him to London

and then rekindle the passion you guys had in Paris. Ah!

Well, I-- I was gonna quit,

but your way's good, too.

Yeah.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

♪♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪♪

♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out ♪♪

♪♪ In one of those crushing scenes ♪♪

♪♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪♪

♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪

♪♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door ♪♪

♪♪ She was there to sell makeup but the father saw more ♪♪

♪♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there! ♪♪

♪♪ That's how she became the nanny ♪♪

♪♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we've described ♪♪

♪♪ Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪♪

♪♪ Now the father finds her beguiling ♪♪

♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪

♪♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪♪

♪♪ Such♪♪

♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪

♪♪ When everybody else is wearing tan ♪♪

♪♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪♪

♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪♪♪

[♪♪♪]

What does this remind you of?

[CHUCKLES]

It reminds me of Ms. Fine--

Ms. Fine!

What the devil are you doing here?

Well, apparently, I'm blowing 40,000 frequent flyer miles.

Look, forgive me, I'm just-- I'm just a little confused.

Well, I thought when a couple's been together

as long as we have, it would be nice

to get away from the kids and work

so that we can rekindle our romance.

What romance?

Mr. Sheffield, you know, playing hard to get doesn't really work with me.

Why don't you just go for it? See if I back off.

Ms. Fine, look, I'm suffering from jetlag.

And I don't want to say anything wrong

because God knows you'll never let me forget it.

Well, what could you possibly say that's wrong?

First, let's just get you your own room, shall we?

My own room. Well, two seconds.

There's a new world record.

Look, Ms. Fine, I'm here on business.

I can't just drop everything.

[TWIGGY: "A NIGHTINGALE SANG IN BERKELEY SQUARE" PLAYING]

♪♪ That certain night ♪♪

♪♪ The night we met ♪♪

♪♪ There was magic abroad in the air ♪♪

♪♪ There were angels dining ♪♪

♪♪ At the Ritz ♪♪

♪♪ And a nightingale sang ♪♪

♪♪ In Berkeley Square ♪♪

♪♪ The moon that lingered over London town ♪♪

♪♪ Poor puzzled moon ♪♪

♪♪ He wore a frown ♪♪

♪♪ How could he know we two were so in love? ♪♪

♪♪ The whole darn world ♪♪

♪♪ Seemed upside down ♪♪

♪♪ The streets of town ♪♪

♪♪ Were paved with stars ♪♪

♪♪ It was such a romantic affair ♪♪

♪♪ And when we kissed ♪♪

♪♪ And said goodnight ♪♪

♪♪ A nightingale sang ♪♪

♪♪ In Berkeley Square ♪♪

You know, explain to me why I need a baby-sitter.

I'm old enough to fly a chopper in the Israeli army.

Look, Fran loves us.

She just wants to make sure we're left in good hands.

You know, this chair is going. I can feel all the springs.

That's because you sat on me, Yetta.

What?

Smart.

Doing it gradually, so no one would notice.

Same way you became a woman.

What do you think, Yetta?

I can't comment on the hair until you take off that beret.

Who is it you look like? Wait, I know. Do this.

[IMITATING JERRY LEWIS] Hey, lady!

Can we be serious for a moment?

Mr. Sheffield telephoned, he hasn't seen Celine Dion yet.

Well, what's he doing in London?

One would hope Ms. Fine.

[CELINE DION: "IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW" PLAYING]

♪♪ But when you touch me like this ♪♪

♪♪ And you hold me like that ♪♪

♪♪ It was not long ago ♪♪

♪♪ But it's all coming back to me ♪♪

♪♪ If you see me like this ♪♪

♪♪ If you need me like that ♪♪

♪♪ It was dead long ago ♪♪

♪♪ But it's all coming back to me ♪♪

♪♪ The flesh and the fantasies ♪♪

♪♪ All coming back to me ♪♪

♪♪ I can barely recall ♪♪

♪♪ All coming back to me now ♪♪

Oh!

Oh, isn't she just incredible.

She'll be a sensation on Broadway.

Oh, would you look at these gorgeous clothes.

Oh, how I wish that I had a job

where I could change into designer outfits every five minutes.

- Ooh! - Excuse me, where's the sound man?

Thanks. Excuse me, you know, when I sang

there was, like, those weird feedbacks in my ears like,

- "Waah, waah, waah!" - What? You sounded gorgeous.

- Hi. - Hi.

Okay, never mind. I have found the source of the problem.

Celine, you were wonderful, just wonderful.

Yeah. Great. Great.

So tell me, have you given any more thought

to the kind of Broadway show you'd like to do?

Actually, yes, I would love to do, like, a show with my musical family.

Do you know that my mom wrote the first song that I have ever recorded.

- Oh. - You know, it goes like this.

[SINGING IN FRENCH]

- It's such a great song. - Oh, is that beautiful.

You know, my mother wrote the first song that I ever sang, too.

[SINGING IN YIDDISH]

- Like, charming. - [CHUCKLING]

I'm sorry for rushing. I really have to go.

You know, this is my only time while I'm in London

to really indulge my passion for shopping.

Oh, you got a passion for shopping.

I swear, if you weren't Canadian, internationally successful

and can carry a tune, I'd think that we were separated at birth.

Yeah, well, Celine, well, what about our project?

Um, you know, I'll let you know.

I'm just, like, not ready to make a commitment.

How's it feel, baby?

So, what do you want to do now?

Oh, I'll tell you, after the day we had today

all I want to do is take off my clothes and get into bed.

Tired?

No.

[BOTH MOANING]

Oh, Mr. Sheffield, Mr. Sheffield...

Where'd he go?

Ms. Fine, I-- I can't, I'm sorry.

I just-- I just can't.

Mr. Sheffield, is there something that you haven't told me,

something that might have happened in the Falklands?

No, of course not!

No, I'm talking about this.

I'm talking about what we were about to do.

It-- It just all seems wrong.

Well, you know, now, I don't know if I'm coming or going.

I mean, you keep giving me mixed messages.

- You act like you want me. - Well, of course I want you.

You're a very sexy, beautiful woman.

You know, now would be a good time to end this argument.

Ms. Fine, don't you see?

Don't you see what we were about to do here

was a very serious step to take?

Oh, you're not just a one-night stand.

Me? Oh, yeah. No, of course not.

Look, Mr. Sheffield, you know, I always thought

that we were going to end up together,

but if it ain't gonna happen now, it ain't gonna happen.

I didn't say it'll never happen.

Well, I think that my chances are only going to decrease

as I slowly morph into Yetta.

Four years, it's enough already.

I can't take it anymore, it's too difficult.

I'm out of here. I got to go out of here--

Look, Ms. Fine, I am not giving into my urges.

The stakes are far too high.

- I'm a bloody gentleman, after all. - [PHONE RINGING]

Yes, what is it?

Oh, Ms. Fine, don't go.

I'm sorry. I can't take it anymore. It's over.

- Niles just had a heart attack. - [GASPS]

[♪♪♪]

I can't believe Niles had a heart attack.

Why did I ever leave home?

Why did I ever go to London?

Ms. Fine, you can't blame yourself.

Was I talking to you?

C.C., thank God!

- Where is he? Is he all right? - He's in there, I don't know.

Maxwell, everything was perfectly normal.

I said to Niles, "I wish I'd gone to England with you."

And he said, "Oh, sure, You could have visited

your old neighborhood, Stonehenge."

And I said, "Oh, you mean the place where the rocks are older than yours?"

Which I thought was so clever.

And then the scariest thing happened!

He had the heart attack?

- No, not yet. - Oh.

There I was, waiting for a zinger...

- ...and nothing. - [GASPS]

I even set him up again. I said,

"Don't make me get ugly."

But his eyes just rolled up into his head

and he collapsed on the floor!

[SOBBING]

- Oh! - [GASPS]

I killed him!

It's all my fault!

Oh, don't leave me!

My, Hector! Who is she?

Doctor, I'm Maxwell Sheffield, Niles's employer.

How is he?

Well, he suffered a mild heart attack,

but I'm very optimistic.

Come on, you can see him.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield, look, he looks so helpless.

Oh, Doctor, listen, this man has stood by me my whole life.

You have to help him, whatever it takes.

Money is no object.

[SOBBING] Oh, God, look at him!

How can he not have dyed his eyebrows too?

He's going to be fine.

He just needs to cut down on the goose liver pate,

the brie and the chocolate mousse.

So this Godiva would be poison for him.

But it'll help us through this stressful time.

ALL: Mmm!

So, Doctor, is he-- is he comfortable?

He's on ten milligrams of morphine.

Oh, he's "Cheech & Chong" comfortable.

[♪♪♪]

- Ms. Fine. - Mr. Sheffield.

[SIGHS] Ms. Fine, I just wanted to say

how much I appreciate your standing by me

at this difficult time.

Well, let's just get something straight.

I'm not staying here for you.

While Niles is in the hospital,

I just want to make sure that the children

have a home-cooked meal.

And when you cook tonight's meal,

please do remember the action figure.

We still don't have a Yoda.

Well, excuse me for ordering in.

It's just that I did have a whole house to clean.

Mm.

I'm done with the toilets and I'm never having boys.

Well, I'm surprised you didn't send

Brighton and Maggie to pick up my dry cleaning.

Don't be ridiculous.

Okay. Get upstairs. Move, move, move!

Oh, Ms. Babcock.

Hey, would you like a cup of coffee?

That is not coffee. It's gravy.

Oh, thank you, Nanny Fine. I miss him so much.

You know, I was gonna make a highball in a dribble cup

but it's so messy, and, well, the kids are all busy.

I know everyone thought Niles and I hated each other,

but that's the only way I can have a relationship.

When you really get to know me, I'm not a well woman.

I know. I know.

And look, you're being so sweet.

- I really should find a way to repay you. - Oh.

But I won't. It's just not who I am.

[♪♪♪]

Hi, Doc. I brought Niles some homemade fudge.

Can he eat that yet?

- No. - No?

BOTH: Mmm!

Oh, Niles.

Look at you, so sweet.

I wish there was something I could do for you.

Oh, Niles, everything is such a mess.

I wish you were awake so I could talk to about Mr. Sheffield.

You wanted us to get together even more than Ma.

Well, maybe not more than Ma.

Look how sweet you look.

What's going on in that little head of yours?

Oh, come on, Mr. Sheffield, it's been 22 years.

Can't you tell me that you love me already?

Ms. Fine...

I'm concerned about the children.

But Gracie is 40.

Maxwell, I'm sorry I'm late but my date kept me out all night.

Oh, did he change the locks on you again?

Actually, I didn't even have a date.

I lied to make you jealous.

- Did it work? - Well, let's find out.

Wait a minute. I thought you two hated each other.

Oh, Ms. Fine, you're no Niles.

You don't know everything that goes on in this house.

Oh, Ms. Fine, I'm sorry. I'll wait outside.

Oh, that's all right, Mr. Sheffield. You can stay.

We can share Niles.

He's like our... love child.

Well, you know, it's very nice of you to bring him something,

but you know he cannot have sweets.

- Well, it's just dried fruit. - Oh, well, that he can have.

You know, Ms. Fine, it's so strange seeing him lying there like this.

You know, even since we were children,

he's always been my protector.

He helped me get through Eaton.

I wasn't much of a scholar.

He helped me get girls.

Yeah, well, a guy with a butler is a major turn-on.

You know, Ms. Fine, when he gets well, things are gonna be different.

Mm-hm. For a start, I'm gonna give Niles

No, I'll need him Saturdays. Uh...

Oh, I'll tell you, it really makes you think, doesn't it?

- How unpredictable life can be? - That's right.

That's why you have to live every day to the fullest.

Mm-hm. You never know when it's gonna be your last.

Nope.

FRAN: Oh, Mr. Sheffield!

Niles, oh, I'm so glad you're awake.

How are you feeling?

Is there anything I can get for you?

Well, I--

I would like another pillow.

Of course.

- [DRAWS CURTAIN] - [SCREAMS]

FRAN: All of this here atThe Nanny

for 100 fabulous episodes.

We couldn't have done it without you.

Here's to 100 more.

Ma!