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-Good morning. -Miss Fine, these were delivered for you.
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Oh, great.
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Ahh. Ms. Fine, filling in for your cousin
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Mel the doorman again?
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I wish. Is that a cushy job or what?
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All he does is open doors and receive packages.
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A baboon could do that.
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Well, of course, a highly trained baboon.
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Mr. Sheffield, what do you think?
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I'm gonna make some mingle at the Yacht Club today.
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-Yacht Club? -Uh huh.
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That's setting your sights high, isn't it?
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You know, I am not the same chick I was
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when I started here three years ago.
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I mean, I can't look for love in all the old joints,
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now that I've acquired so much class and panache.
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There's that Band-Aid that came off in the bathtub.
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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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♪♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪♪
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♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out ♪♪
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♪♪ in one of those crushing scenes ♪♪
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♪♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪♪
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♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
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♪♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door ♪♪
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♪♪ She was there to sell makeup, but the father saw more ♪♪
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♪♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there! ♪♪
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♪♪ That's how she became the nanny! ♪♪
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♪♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we've described ♪♪
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♪♪ was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
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♪♪ Now the father finds her beguiling ♪♪
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♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪
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♪♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪♪
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♪♪ Such♪♪
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♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
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♪♪ when everybody else is wearing tan ♪♪
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♪♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪♪
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♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪
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[♪♪♪]
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Sweetheart, thank God you're home.
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I have to warn you, you're in terrible danger.
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Did Niles make a noodle kugel?
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Ma, would you concentrate. Pretend you're full.
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Did Aunt Freida call?
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Yeah, she said her apartment was being painted.
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So I said she could stay here.
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Oy! I am too late.
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-She's been thrown out of her apartment, she is broke. -[FRAN GASPS]
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They even took her nightclub to pay for her taxes.
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No more Freida's Le Freak?
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That place was like an institution.
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Has the city no soul?
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They're putting in a Loehmann's.
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Oh, you know, you really can't fight progress.
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She's hitting up everyone in the family
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for a place to stay.
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How could this happen?
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The woman's buried five husbands.
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You'd think that she can live off what she found in their old pants' pockets.
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What happened to Fred, her millionaire boyfriend?
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Well, she's afraid, if he knows that she's broke
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he'll think that she's after him for his money.
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Well, isn't she?
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If she has a brain in that fat head of hers she is.
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Poor Aunt Freida.
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She came this close to making it as a singer...
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and her damn boyfriend Steve had to go meet Edie.
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[DOORBELL RINGS]
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Well, good luck getting rid of Freida now.
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She's like a Cesarean scar. You'll have her for life.
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-Fri. -Syl.
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So how are Morty's mumps?
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-They still contagious? -Very.
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Fred, get out of the car.
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He's so sweet but he's such a shmegegge.
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Fred, honey, pull the knob up.
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How could such ashmegegge become so rich?
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This from a woman who voted for Ross Perot?
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Fred.
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Fred, I'd like you to meet my sister-in-law, Sylvia,
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and her daughter, Fran.
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I'm Sylvia.
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I'm gonna go upstairs
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and steam a couple of things.
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Fred, would you like to come in?
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Oh, no, no. I'm fine out here.
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No, I've got a light, a chair. I don't want to be a bother.
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[DOOR CLOSES]
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What do you know, he's half Jewish.
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♪♪ Will someone tell me when it is my turn ♪♪
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♪♪ Don't I get a dream for myself ♪♪
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♪♪ Starting now it's gonna be Mr. Sandman ♪♪
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♪♪ Yes, bring me a dream, boom-boom-boom-boom ♪♪
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♪♪ I had a dream ♪♪
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♪♪ A dream about you and you and you ♪♪
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And you, who needed a little bite to eat,
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your 17-pound turkey is ready.
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Excuse me. I'm taking a short break.
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Enjoy the buffet.
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Well, now that that's taken care of,
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I can go to my Yacht Club.
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Speaking of turkeys...
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how many arrangements does that human karaoke know?
103
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Well, that depends. Has she already done her tribute to Chaka Khan?
104
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C.C., would you mind leaving us alone for a moment?
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I'd like a word with the skipper.
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Now, exactly how long is your aunt's engagement here going to last?
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Because we do have another act coming in
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from the Nanny Agency.
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Well, if you'll just retract those veins,
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I'll tell you a perfectly good explanation.
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There is no explanation
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why that woman is still in my house.
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A very wealthy and repressed man is in love with her,
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but he's not ready to commit.
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Well, that's understandable.
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Uh huh.
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You know... it's only fair
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that she give him plenty of time.
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And how much time are we talking?
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I don't know. Can't rush these things.
121
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Yeah, well, I hope he knows that he doesn't have forever,
122
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because she's not gonna wait around like some schlub
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since she can't even spit in this town
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without hitting some eligible classy guy.
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Well, good bloody luck to her catching one,
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because men seldom date women who say the word "schlub",
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and rarely marry those who spit.
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Did your big fat ears get all that, Niles?
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It's just me, Daddy.
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-Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry. Do me a favor? -Mm-hmm?
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Tell the man with the big fat ears next to you, I'd like a drink.
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-He said he wants a-- -NILES: I heard him.
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Oh, thank you. Thanks.
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All right. All right. I'm leaving.
135
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What was that about?
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That woman tried to get in with a Xeroxed membership card.
137
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-It looked so phony. -Oh, my God.
138
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Well I'm surprised she didn't dip it in tea first
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to give it that aged look.
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Then you paste on one of those magnetic strips
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from the back of an old Blockbuster's card
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before giving it that authentic look of laminating it.
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You wouldn't believe what people will do to marry up.
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Oh, boy, you know, that is so superficial.
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Give me a working man any day.
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-What do you do? -I'm a chauffeur.
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That seat's taken.
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Oh! Fred. Oh, Fred. Hi.
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It's okay, Fred. You can talk to me.
150
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Oh, I don't want to bother you,
151
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you look like you're in the middle of something.
152
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Yeah, my childbearing years.
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Fred, come on over here, honey.
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I didn't know you were a member.
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-Oh, yes, yes, for years now. -Oh.
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This is my favorite time of day.
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I love to come over and watch the bartenders cut the fruit.
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I don't know. When you're rich, they call it eccentric.
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You know, Fred, I'm really glad I ran into you.
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It's so obvious that, you know, you're a shy guy,
161
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but you really feel strongly about Freida.
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Why don't you pop the question?
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Oh! Freida would never marry me. She's so vibrant, sexy.
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I want whatever he's drinking.
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-I really don't know what she sees in me. -Uh.
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It's your eyes.
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Besides, I could never give her
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the kind of life that she's used to.
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Parties, nightclubbing...
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I'm not a very exciting man.
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-I can't even-- -Oh, Fred, don't be embarrassed.
172
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You know, you can do other things.
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And, really, most women just like to cuddle.
174
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I was going to say dance.
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Ah.
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Well, that's good because that cuddle thing is a big myth.
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Oh, Fred, I can teach you how to dance.
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A couple of private lessons, you'll sweep her off her feet.
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You must really love your aunt. She'd be moved.
180
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Well, moving my aunt is a big priority in my family.
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I should never have let you teach me to mambo.
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Oh, no, Fred, it's okay.
183
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You know, in China,
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women without toes are considered sexy.
185
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Well, let's face it, Fran,
186
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I'll never be known for my dancing.
187
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Nonsense, Fred. You're very light on your feet.
188
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I'm sure there was a pair of ski boots under here somewhere.
189
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Look, let's forget the whole thing.
190
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Oh, no, no. Fred,
191
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if you don't leave here with Freida,
192
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I will regret it for the rest of my life.
193
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Did I say I?
194
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Let me demonstrate. Watch me.
195
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One, two, three. One, two, three.
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Turn, turn, turn. Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy.
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Now, you try it.
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[MAMBO MUSIC PLAYING]
199
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I'll never be as good as you.
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Don't compare yourself to me.
201
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I was onDance Fever.
202
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I'll just show you a couple of steps
203
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so you can fake it, okay?
204
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One, two, three.
205
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Hey, I kind of like that.
206
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You're getting it.
207
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Oh, whap!
208
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Now, just keep doing the same thing
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over and over again.
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-Oh, whap! -Well, not that.
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That could get annoying.
212
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-Fran, wait. Ooh... -You're doing great.
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There's something's wrong with my arm.
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Worry more about your feet.
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-Really. -Fred, not so close.
216
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Don't tip me. Fred!
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Fred. Fred.
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Hello, Fred.
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Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
220
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Oh, my God. Oh!
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Oh, my God.
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Fred, I hope for your sake, that's rigor mortis setting in.
223
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NURSE [OVER RADIO]:Dr. Warner wanted in Radiology please.
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Can you believe that she did this to me
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under my own roof?
226
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Oh, my Momma, I'm gonna faint. Hold me.
227
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Hold you? I'm still paying for this hip.
228
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You happy, hot pants?
229
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Don't you yell at my daughter, Nettie.
230
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What the hell is wrong with you?
231
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Are you so desperate to get married?
232
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[SHOUTS] Where is this insanity coming from?
233
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Mr. Sheffield is here. Put some lipstick on.
234
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Why won't anyone believe me?
235
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I was just trying to get those two together.
236
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Just because he was lying on me with romantic music
237
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at 1:00 in the morning doesn't mean...
238
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You know, this would all be a non-issue if I was running opposite Dole.
239
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I've got an 8:00 a.m. appointment.
240
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Niles, would you let C.C. know what happened.
241
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Oh, I already phoned her sir.
242
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Told her a certain millionaire
243
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suffered a heart attack in Ms. Fine's bed.
244
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C.C.: Maxwell!
245
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-You're all right? -Oh dear. You thought I meant him?
246
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He can have visitors now, but he's weak
247
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so you should only go in one at a time.
248
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-All right. -Absolutely. We will.
249
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-Thank you. -Thanks for taking
250
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-such good care of him. -One at a time.
251
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-We appreciate it. -Go!
252
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Fred.
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Freddy.
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00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,150
It's your Freida-la.
255
00:14:23,283 --> 00:14:26,233
Are you-- Are you all right? Can you hear?
256
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,660
His color's not so good.
257
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:29,350
Well hat hose you're standing on
258
00:14:29,383 --> 00:14:31,450
might have something to do with it.
259
00:14:34,183 --> 00:14:36,366
You have the nerve to speak to me?
260
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,400
I didn't do anything. I'm innocent.
261
00:14:39,433 --> 00:14:42,466
Shh! Look, he's trying to say something.
262
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,233
Fran, you're so good.
263
00:14:50,350 --> 00:14:52,100
Put my leg where?
264
00:14:53,233 --> 00:14:55,500
Where the heck is that hose?
265
00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:59,466
You... You husband stealer, you.
266
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,100
Now, who's gonna take care of me?
267
00:15:03,133 --> 00:15:04,333
Where am I gonna live?
268
00:15:04,366 --> 00:15:07,366
-Bed time. -I made plans!
269
00:15:17,366 --> 00:15:19,830
Any idea of Ms. Fine
270
00:15:19,116 --> 00:15:22,330
being seriously involved with Fred is absurd.
271
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:23,350
Oh, why do you say that, sir?
272
00:15:23,383 --> 00:15:26,133
Come on, man, he's nice, but...
273
00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:30,316
well, she couldn't be interested inhim
274
00:15:32,350 --> 00:15:34,116
What's so great about you?
275
00:15:37,660 --> 00:15:39,466
I mean, what's so great about you is your ability--
276
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,250
-Oh, shut up. -Right.
277
00:15:44,183 --> 00:15:47,216
Of course it's only a matter of time before she does find someone
278
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:50,300
if she keeps putting herself out there.
279
00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:53,500
Do you think she's doing all this just to spite me
280
00:15:53,830 --> 00:15:55,416
for taking back the, you know, thing?
281
00:15:57,283 --> 00:16:00,216
Well, it's very difficult to say, sir, considering the fact
282
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,300
I don't know what the bloody thing is.
283
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:08,350
Oh, well, I might as well tell you.
284
00:16:08,383 --> 00:16:10,400
[PHONE RINGING]
285
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:21,466
We'll get back to them.
286
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,450
First of all, no one else must ever know
287
00:16:25,483 --> 00:16:28,133
what I'm about to tell you.
288
00:16:28,166 --> 00:16:30,200
All right. Let me see,
289
00:16:30,233 --> 00:16:32,416
we were on our way back from Paris.
290
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:35,466
And, well, I thought we were about to die,
291
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,416
so I turned to Ms. Fine and I told her I loved her.
292
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:46,830
Then I panicked, took it back and, well, that's it.
293
00:16:46,116 --> 00:16:50,483
So, now you know what the thing is.
294
00:16:54,483 --> 00:16:57,350
NILES: [FRUSTRATED SCREAM]
295
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:03,300
Fran, I refuse to share a bathroom with your aunt anymore.
296
00:17:03,333 --> 00:17:07,830
I brushed my teeth with some chick product.
297
00:17:07,116 --> 00:17:09,250
Don't even want to speculate what that was.
298
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:12,166
Oh, what are you complaining about?
299
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,383
There's like a toenail fromJurassic Park
300
00:17:14,416 --> 00:17:15,483
in my bathroom.
301
00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:19,250
And look at this.
302
00:17:19,283 --> 00:17:21,300
Your aunt ate the entire box of chocolates
303
00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:23,116
that my boyfriend gave me.
304
00:17:23,150 --> 00:17:24,333
Oh, don't worry, kids.
305
00:17:24,366 --> 00:17:26,350
I'll take care of everything.
306
00:17:29,466 --> 00:17:31,250
Nanny Fine, I didn't know
307
00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:33,433
you were attracted to decrepit old men.
308
00:17:33,466 --> 00:17:37,116
Am I gonna have to keep my eye on the two of you now?
309
00:17:38,216 --> 00:17:41,166
In my day, two people got to know each other first.
310
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,383
In your day, there only were two people.
311
00:17:45,183 --> 00:17:46,283
FRIEDA: Fran.
312
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:48,333
Franny, darling,
313
00:17:48,366 --> 00:17:52,300
-Fred regained consciousness, he explained everything. -Oh.
314
00:17:52,333 --> 00:17:55,433
-And then he proposed. -[FRAN CHUCKLES]
315
00:17:55,466 --> 00:17:57,266
So can you ever forgive me?
316
00:17:57,300 --> 00:17:59,660
-Did you accept? -Yeah.
317
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:01,160
All is forgiven.
318
00:18:02,350 --> 00:18:05,660
Oh! There you are. All packed.
319
00:18:06,150 --> 00:18:08,333
Look, how excited they are for me.
320
00:18:08,366 --> 00:18:10,300
Not quite yet, my loves,
321
00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:13,200
because, you know, there's still so much to do.
322
00:18:13,233 --> 00:18:14,266
And I haven't even decided
323
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:16,233
where I'm gonna have the ceremony
324
00:18:16,266 --> 00:18:19,830
now that I'm getting married.
325
00:18:19,116 --> 00:18:21,466
-Hear, hear. -Here?
326
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:25,660
Oh, you are a doll.
327
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:30,133
So I'm gonna go upstairs and try on my old wedding gown.
328
00:18:30,166 --> 00:18:34,116
Come on, kids, help zip me up.
329
00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:35,433
I'll get the pliers.
330
00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:41,283
All right. I--I know, something just happened.
331
00:18:41,316 --> 00:18:44,150
You just offered to have Freida's wedding here.
332
00:18:44,183 --> 00:18:47,166
What? Well, why didn't you bloody say something?
333
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,350
Oh, calm down.
334
00:18:48,383 --> 00:18:50,250
Do you think that I would subject you
335
00:18:50,283 --> 00:18:53,250
to the horror of a Fine family affair?
336
00:18:53,283 --> 00:18:56,830
Not after what happened Grandma Yetta's birthday party,
337
00:18:56,116 --> 00:18:58,283
which you know nothing about. So what am I bringing it up for?
338
00:18:58,316 --> 00:19:00,116
Moving on. Moving on.
339
00:19:00,483 --> 00:19:02,166
I can't believe I agreed
340
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,283
to let Freida have her wedding here.
341
00:19:04,316 --> 00:19:08,216
-Oh, relax. I've got a plan. -Oh, thank God.
342
00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:10,450
First, I'll go out and buy a dress for the wedding.
343
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,466
-Yes, right. -Better give me your credit card.
344
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,200
This way it looks like you're going along with it.
345
00:19:15,233 --> 00:19:17,116
Oh, right. Right.
346
00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:20,216
-Okay now, while I'm doing that, you, this'll be a snap for you.
347
00:19:20,250 --> 00:19:23,233
-Go upstairs. Find Freida. -Yeah. Uh-huh.
348
00:19:23,266 --> 00:19:25,200
And take it back.
349
00:19:36,330 --> 00:19:37,250
This is beautiful.
350
00:19:37,283 --> 00:19:40,660
Why is it families only get together
351
00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:42,133
at weddings and funerals?
352
00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:46,116
You know, you wore that dress to her last wedding.
353
00:19:46,150 --> 00:19:50,660
I'm saving the new one for yourshiva,
354
00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:56,166
Well, we don't need anything old or blue.
355
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,333
I just shoved Freida into her corset.
356
00:19:58,366 --> 00:20:00,483
[LAUGHTER]
357
00:20:02,150 --> 00:20:05,160
-Fran, can I talk to you? -Yes. Sure.
358
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:06,333
I can't go through with this.
359
00:20:06,366 --> 00:20:08,283
Oh, Fred, now, I don't want to hear
360
00:20:08,316 --> 00:20:10,350
that you're not good enough for Freida.
361
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:14,200
You're a wonderful guy. I'd marry you in a second.
362
00:20:14,233 --> 00:20:17,333
Then marry me. I think I'm in love with you.
363
00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:20,500
Fred, don't be ridiculous.
364
00:20:20,830 --> 00:20:22,100
You're just getting cold feet.
365
00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:25,116
I'll give you anything you ever wanted. Yes, I'm worth millions.
366
00:20:25,150 --> 00:20:26,366
This'll do.
367
00:20:27,450 --> 00:20:29,416
No, Fred.
368
00:20:31,466 --> 00:20:35,233
You don't love me. You love Freida.
369
00:20:35,266 --> 00:20:37,166
You guys make a perfect couple.
370
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:41,233
There is nothing more right in this whole world.
371
00:20:41,266 --> 00:20:43,316
This is so wrong.
372
00:20:43,350 --> 00:20:47,383
You say anything to disturb this ceremony and you're dead.
373
00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:54,150
And do you, Freida Rubinski... Mannarino...
374
00:20:54,183 --> 00:20:58,150
...Chong'dow... Bitterman...
375
00:20:59,316 --> 00:21:02,100
Excuse us. Coming through. Excuse me just a minute.
376
00:21:02,133 --> 00:21:04,133
-Thank you. -I can't let Freida
377
00:21:04,166 --> 00:21:07,116
-go through with this. -Oh, yes, you can.
378
00:21:07,150 --> 00:21:09,333
My house has turned into a pest motel.
379
00:21:09,366 --> 00:21:12,100
Where the Fines check in but they don't check out.
380
00:21:13,483 --> 00:21:15,133
You don't understand.
381
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:18,183
He doesn't want to marry her. He said he loves me.
382
00:21:18,216 --> 00:21:19,316
He's confused.
383
00:21:19,350 --> 00:21:21,366
The man just had a near-death experience.
384
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,350
He didn't know what he was saying.
385
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:27,383
Wait a minute. Let me get this straight.
386
00:21:27,416 --> 00:21:30,233
Now, you're taking it back for him?
387
00:21:32,330 --> 00:21:34,316
Oh. You know, maybe ignorance is bliss.
388
00:21:34,350 --> 00:21:36,416
Maybe I should just let them be happy.
389
00:21:36,450 --> 00:21:39,166
I mean, Freida's been widowed five times.
390
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,500
Maybe six will be her lucky number, who knows.
391
00:21:42,830 --> 00:21:44,150
I do.
392
00:21:45,300 --> 00:21:48,216
Fred. Fred.
393
00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:51,416
-He said, "I do." -[All TOGETHER] We heard him.
394
00:21:59,830 --> 00:22:00,266
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, look,
395
00:22:00,300 --> 00:22:04,160
Aunt Freida sent us a tape from their honeymoon.
396
00:22:05,150 --> 00:22:07,450
I can't believe how well Fred recovered.
397
00:22:07,483 --> 00:22:10,116
I know. Doesn't he look incredible?
398
00:22:10,150 --> 00:22:13,283
Boy, that quadruple bypass really did the trick.
399
00:22:16,216 --> 00:22:18,466
Make them laugh! Ha, ha!
400
00:22:20,183 --> 00:22:22,133
Make them laugh! Ha, ha, ha!
401
00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:25,466
Next week, I'm gonna teach him theMacarena.
402
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:30,383
[♪♪♪]
403
00:22:33,483 --> 00:22:36,366
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
30600
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