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Oh, what a beautiful day for a picnic.
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I'll tell you I'm so glad we got out of that dining room
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and back in to nature.
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-Peppermint or Darjeeling? -Mint.
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You know, Ms. Fine, it really was a wonderful idea of yours to have a picnic.
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But I never took you for the natural, outdoor type.
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Please, why do you think I don't wear make-up.
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You know, at Camp Kindervelt, Val and I used to roast marshmallows on my curling iron.
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And if you steam a frankfurter in your hot curlers
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you'd swear you were at Nathan's.
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Oh, I'm sorry. What were you saying?
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Mr. Sheffield, that's the third time you said "What are you saying?"
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There's something wrong with your left ear.
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-I think your hearing's going bad. -Nonsense.
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The herring's fine.
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The egg salad's a little suspicious.
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You know, my father had hearing problems.
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And ma dragged him to the doctor.
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He had to have a whole irrigation going on.
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They found enough wax in there for Madame Tussaud
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to make herself a nice little Linda Hunt.
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Ms. Fine, he'll never see a doctor.
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He's far too vain to admit his hearing is going.
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-Tsk, tsk, tsk... -You know, it's so sad when a man can't age gracefully.
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Would you look at that spectacle, that 30-year-old man kissing that young girl.
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She could hardly be more than Margaret's age.
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Where are her parents? That's what I want to know...
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Hi, Maggie.
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Calm down. Calm down.
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This is just a phase. It'll pass.
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I once dated an older guy when I was in high school
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and it led to nothing but a heartbreak,
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especially when he failed me in math.
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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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♪♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪♪
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♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out ♪♪
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♪♪ In one of those crushing scenes ♪♪
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♪♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪♪
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♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
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♪♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door ♪♪
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♪♪ She was there to sell makeup but the father saw more ♪♪
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♪♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there! ♪♪
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♪♪ That's how she became the nanny ♪♪
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♪♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we've described ♪♪
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♪♪ Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
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♪♪ Now the father finds her beguiling ♪♪
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♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪
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♪♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪♪
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♪♪ Such♪♪
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♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
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♪♪ When everybody else is wearing tan ♪♪
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♪♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪♪
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♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
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All right, young lady, you've got some explaining to do.
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Now start talking.
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-Daddy, I just want you-- -I don't wanna hear it.
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Now, go upstairs to your room.
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Oh, come on, like she couldn't climb out the window
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shimmy down the trellis and pay Niles extra so that she...
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uh, but, uh, uh...
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This is between you and your daughter.
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That boy is much too old for you, Margaret.
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Dad, he's only 25.
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It's the best relationship I've ever had.
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-When did the two of you meet? -This morning.
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-At a book store. -Wow! A book store.
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Gee, that's a great place to meet intelligent guys.
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Whoopsie, they'd have to light it bright enough so you could read.
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Nah. No good.
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Come on, Dad, you don't even know John.
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He's self-reliant, ambitious,
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plus he's already a vice president.
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-Where? -His dad's firm.
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Oh, perfect.
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Some spoiled little rich brat living off his father.
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What'd I do? Huh.
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Dad, I'm not a little kid anymore.
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Why don't you trust me to go out with him?
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Because I was a 25-year-old boy once
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and I had nothing on my mind
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but sex, women and how to combine them.
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My luck, I don't get to meet him
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until he's going deaf and he can't digest corn.
84
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Well, you better get used to it, young lady.
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You're never seeing that boy again.
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You are so unfair!
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All right. That's it. That is it!
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I'm locking her in her room until she's... your age.
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Mr. Sheffield, you can't lock her away for... five years.
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Come on why don't we at least meet the guy?
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-Then Maggie won't hate us. -All right. All right.
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I'll keep an open mind.
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I don't suppose there can be any harm in meeting
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the twisted, little cradle-robbing, sex maniac.
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Sex maniac?
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Well, maybe I should meet this guy by myself.
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This is insane.
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I forbid Margaret to go out with some 25-year-old.
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Well, fine. If you forbid her to see him,
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she's just gonna sneak out anyway.
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I was 17 once too.
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I snuck out all the time.
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Of course, I didn't have a boyfriend.
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I just wanted to eat bacon.
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You know, I don't know why dad's making such a big deal
106
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about me dating an older guy.
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'Cause he's concerned about your welfare.
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I mean, look at Anna Nicole Smith.
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She marries a guy 60 years older than her.
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He dies. All she's left with is his fortune.
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-So? -So?
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Sometimes they live.
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Oh, my God. He's here.
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Hi, Maggie.
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Isn't he smart?
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And who is your beautiful friend?
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Very smart. Hi. I'm Fran Fine.
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Hi, this is my friend Mike. We work together.
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-Hi. -Hi. I hope you don't mind.
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I just came along for a cappuccino and the hot new Grisham.
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Oh, well, I don't know about a Grisham
122
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but the almond horn is delicious.
123
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So, what do you think?
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Honey, what can I say?
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There's too big of an age difference.
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It's never gonna work out.
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[ALL LAUGHING]
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That's incredible, I can't believe how much you and I
129
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I know. We're both Libras.
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We both love jazz.
131
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And, we both think that on theMary Tyler Moore Show
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Phyllis's off-screen husband Lars might have been gay.
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I love these shows. I grew up on them.
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-Me, too. -Well,
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hey, thank God forNick at Night, huh?
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Uh, yeah.
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-So, Fran, where'd you go to school? -Hillcrest High.
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-Really? When did you graduate? -My senior year.
139
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So, Mike McMullen, what are the chances of you being Jewish?
140
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Wha... you know, actually, my mother's Jewish, Fran,
141
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-so technically that makes me-- -Say no more.
142
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Now, to satisfy my mother's second question, what does your father do?
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He's a buyer for Loehmann's.
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Oh, I just could not get out of bed this morning.
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Oh, someone leave a big rock on your coffin again?
146
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Very funny, janitor-shaped-like-a-dru m.
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I can't sleep, and it can't be the coffee
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because all I drink here is decaf.
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-Right? -Of course.
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Why don't I bring a nice cold soda in to pick you up?
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All right. But make sure it's caffeine free.
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Of course.
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Sir, I made an appointment with the doctor
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for your hearing test.
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-What? -I said I made an appointment--
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Oh, I heard what you--
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I heard what you bloody said.
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-Who told you to call the doctor? -Ms. Fine.
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Well, excuse me, but when did she become master of the house?
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Three years ago, September.
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-Would you like me to cancel? -Yes.
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Would you like me to kick back and take the rest of the day off?
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I said yes.
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All right.
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So, Fran, you and John's friend Mike really seemed to hit it off.
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Yeah. You know, it's so refreshing to meet a guy
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that thinksPulp Fiction is John Travolta's first film.
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You know, this is so cool.
169
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I mean, you're going out with Mike.
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I'm going out with John.
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Well, you're half right.
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-Fran. -Honey, he's way too old for you.
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You're 17, he's 25. That is a huge gap.
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So? You're going out with Mike and he's 25 and you're 33.
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I am not!
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Yes, you are. We had your 30th birthday here three years ago.
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Well, I lied.
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I said I was older to get the job.
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Well, What about your parents?
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You said that your father was ten years older than
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No, I didn't.
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I said my mother took ten years off his life.
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You are such a hypocrite.
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Why is it okay for Mike to date you but it's not okay for me to date John?
185
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Because, Mike is not my daughter.
186
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Well, neither am I.
187
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Well, go ahead and cancel the date with Mike
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'cause now I'm dead!
189
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Meanwhile, ma, it's been two whole days and Maggie's still
190
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No. I didn't try and bribe her with a salty pretzel and an egg creme.
191
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And thank you very much.
192
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Do you know how many years it took me
193
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to stop solving my emotional problems with food?
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Don't yell at me with your mouth full.
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Good-bye. Good-bye! Ay!
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-Fran. -What?
197
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Forget about Maggie.
198
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I'm here and I think you're great.
199
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-In fact, I think you're the best darn-- -Brighton, you're not going
200
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to the make-out party.
201
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Yeah, well, you're on your own.
202
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-Fran. -What, sweetie?
203
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-Maybe I can give you some advice. -Oh.
204
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Remember, I had a crush on an older man once.
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Ah, he used to bring me all those gifts.
206
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Sweetie, that was Santa.
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-Oh, Niles. -Hmm.
208
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How am I ever gonna convince Maggie
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that she has nothing in common with a 25-year-old?
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-And you do? -Absolutely.
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I was 25.
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-And for several years. -[CHUCKLES]
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I haven't slept for three days. Niles, are you sure this is herbal tea?
214
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Of course.
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No sleep and yet I feel oddly calm and relaxed.
216
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-Ms. Babcock-- -[SCREAMS] What?!
217
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I just wanted to say that I'm glad you're here
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because I really need a woman to talk to.
219
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Well, aren't you going to say anything?
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What? You mean, because she said that
221
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you thought I was going to say something about you not being a woman?
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That is beneath me, sir.
223
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What's on your mind, Nanny Fine?
224
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Well, Maggie thinks I'm being hypocritical because I'm dating a 25-year-old
225
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-and she's not allowed to. -Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
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Who's Maggie?
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Oh! The big one.
228
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-Yeah. -Oh, forget her.
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So you're dating a younger guy.
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[BOTH LAUGHING]
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Delicious!
232
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You know, I think it's far more natural.
233
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Women don't even reach their sexual peak until their 30's.
234
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Yeah, well, for me it's happening much earlier.
235
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Oh, girlfriend, you got it going on!
236
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I'm sorry. I was watching something on FOX before I came over.
237
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When you were Maggie's age, did you ever date an older guy?
238
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Oh, sure. My father didn't care.
239
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But the world was a different place when I was a girl.
240
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Yes. They thought it was flat.
241
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You know what? If I were smart,
242
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I would just let her go out with the guy.
243
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Nanny Fine, Maxwell will kill you.
244
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Good idea.
245
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Very unconventional. I like it.
246
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No. Don't you see?
247
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They will have nothing to talk about with each other.
248
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She'll get bored and break it up with him all on her own.
249
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Of course, I'll have to chaperone with the young, eager-to-learn Mike.
250
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But it's not as if we don't have a lot of stuff in common.
251
00:13:53,450 --> 00:13:56,233
We both dig Toodie and the Blow Fish.
252
00:14:00,450 --> 00:14:02,660
Tea, sir?
253
00:14:03,660 --> 00:14:04,133
Tea, sir?
254
00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:08,830
How's the hearing, you lucky little brat born into money?
255
00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:13,466
On my right side, I hear fine.
256
00:14:15,183 --> 00:14:17,316
Just funning you, sir.
257
00:14:21,266 --> 00:14:25,166
Uh, Mr. Sheffield, about this Maggie-John, situation,
258
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,183
I think I've got the perfect solution.
259
00:14:27,216 --> 00:14:31,383
All I want to hear is that Margaret is never seeing that boy again, Ms. Fine.
260
00:14:31,416 --> 00:14:34,100
Fine, that's exactly what you're gonna hear.
261
00:14:36,216 --> 00:14:39,830
They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning
262
00:14:39,116 --> 00:14:41,160
no one at sea is smarter than he.
263
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:47,283
Well, go on.
264
00:14:47,316 --> 00:14:51,233
And, you know, Flipper lives in a world full of wonder
265
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:54,216
lying there under, under the sea.
266
00:14:58,366 --> 00:15:00,216
And then she'll dump him.
267
00:15:02,233 --> 00:15:05,300
-What do you think? -Oh, fabulous. [CHUCKLES]
268
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:07,266
Fabulous. Keep up the good work.
269
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:08,316
Thanks.
270
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:14,216
Call for you on line one, sir. Christopher Plummer.
271
00:15:14,250 --> 00:15:16,316
Oh, finally.
272
00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:20,000
Now, get around here and fix my blasted toilets.
273
00:15:23,383 --> 00:15:25,300
-[DOOR BELL RINGING] -I'll get it.
274
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,450
-Hi. -Hi. Aren't you cute.
275
00:15:31,483 --> 00:15:34,450
All right. Back off. Isn't it enough I'm letting you date her?
276
00:15:39,450 --> 00:15:41,830
Young lady!
277
00:15:41,116 --> 00:15:42,483
-What? -What?
278
00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:45,416
Hello, Mr. Sheffield. Congratulations.
279
00:15:45,450 --> 00:15:47,200
I read you're doing a new show.
280
00:15:47,233 --> 00:15:49,233
Why did Christopher Plummer drop out?
281
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:54,366
Ms. Fine, you, me, alone, right now!
282
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,366
Oh, typical male.
283
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,400
Doesn't know what he's got till it's gone.
284
00:16:01,383 --> 00:16:03,416
What is that man still doing with Margaret,
285
00:16:03,450 --> 00:16:06,316
and why were you kissing his friend?
286
00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:08,116
Well, look at him.
287
00:16:11,433 --> 00:16:15,466
You know, you didn't hear a word that I said to you yesterday, did you?
288
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,830
Well, that's the problem with our whole relationship.
289
00:16:19,116 --> 00:16:22,150
That and the fact that you said that you loved me in Paris
290
00:16:22,183 --> 00:16:25,660
and then you took it back. You just took it back.
291
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:28,400
I-- I thought we agreed to put all that behind us.
292
00:16:28,433 --> 00:16:31,366
Well, I thought we'd be picking out China patterns.
293
00:16:33,216 --> 00:16:37,660
You know, if you had only-- Oh, come here.
294
00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:39,233
If you had only gotten your hearing checked,
295
00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:40,416
none of this would have happened.
296
00:16:40,450 --> 00:16:43,133
Why are you so vain about getting older?
297
00:16:43,166 --> 00:16:45,233
-[SCOFFS] I'm vain about getting older? -Yes.
298
00:16:45,266 --> 00:16:49,133
I'm not the one trying to recapture my youth,
299
00:16:50,416 --> 00:16:52,200
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
300
00:16:54,133 --> 00:16:57,433
Now, would you please relax. Maggie is a very smart girl.
301
00:16:57,466 --> 00:17:00,000
I guarantee you one more date and she'll realize
302
00:17:00,330 --> 00:17:02,160
she has nothing in common with him.
303
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:04,400
Hmm, what about you and your young friend?
304
00:17:04,433 --> 00:17:06,266
I'm a slow learner.
305
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,330
So get this, I finally call the accountant up and I say
306
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:19,100
"You call this a tax refund?" Two hundred bucks.
307
00:17:19,133 --> 00:17:20,366
A lot more than I got back.
308
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:24,350
I got back 2,500, after I declared all my dependents.
309
00:17:24,383 --> 00:17:28,383
Fran, you're a single woman. What dependents?
310
00:17:28,416 --> 00:17:30,266
Hey, I support a lot of people
311
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:34,316
Donna, Karan, Ralph, Lauren, Liz and Claiborne.
312
00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:40,200
I've never paid taxes.
313
00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:42,500
[LAUGHS] How do you do that?
314
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,330
Oh.
315
00:17:45,166 --> 00:17:46,283
Hi, guys. What'll you have?
316
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:49,200
-Vodka martini straight up. -Two, please.
317
00:17:49,233 --> 00:17:52,150
Um, I'll have a margarita, no salt.
318
00:17:52,183 --> 00:17:54,266
Uh, Joan Collins, please.
319
00:17:56,316 --> 00:18:00,000
Honey, that's Tom Collins. And no!
320
00:18:01,233 --> 00:18:03,316
You'll have a better chance getting Joan.
321
00:18:05,133 --> 00:18:07,216
But who doesn't?
322
00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:11,116
Gonna have to proof you guys. Huh. Ma'am, you're fine.
323
00:18:14,116 --> 00:18:15,366
Are you sure?
324
00:18:16,466 --> 00:18:18,450
-[CLEARS THROAT] Excuse me. Ma'am. -What?
325
00:18:18,483 --> 00:18:20,283
Please. I need to see your I.D.
326
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:24,160
Oh, boy, this is such a hassle.
327
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,500
Hey, you guys, I got a great idea.
328
00:18:27,830 --> 00:18:28,830
John, what do you say afterwards,
329
00:18:28,116 --> 00:18:29,133
we head down to the Blue Note
330
00:18:29,166 --> 00:18:31,400
-we go listen to a little jazz. -Okay.
331
00:18:31,433 --> 00:18:33,450
Jazz? Who likes jazz?
332
00:18:33,483 --> 00:18:35,200
-I do. -I do.
333
00:18:35,233 --> 00:18:38,830
Wait a minute. We should do something that we all like.
334
00:18:38,116 --> 00:18:40,830
What do you want to do?
335
00:18:40,116 --> 00:18:43,500
Well, I could seeClueless
336
00:18:44,183 --> 00:18:45,383
Uh, tell you what.
337
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,830
Why don't we go grab something to eat?
338
00:18:47,116 --> 00:18:48,200
-What do you think? -Eating is good.
339
00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:49,300
I could always eat again.
340
00:18:49,333 --> 00:18:51,350
Fran, can I talk to you for a minute?
341
00:18:51,383 --> 00:18:52,450
Excuse us.
342
00:18:53,483 --> 00:18:55,266
I want to go.
343
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,400
I just think that I should be alone with John.
344
00:18:57,433 --> 00:19:01,160
Well, I think that I should be alone with Armand Assante
345
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:02,433
but that ain't happening, either.
346
00:19:04,830 --> 00:19:05,283
I want to break up with him.
347
00:19:05,316 --> 00:19:07,133
We have nothing in common.
348
00:19:07,166 --> 00:19:08,366
Really?
349
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:11,316
Gee, you sure you gave it enough time?
350
00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:13,133
Fran, he didn't even know
351
00:19:13,166 --> 00:19:16,100
that theSaved By The Bell kids went to college.
352
00:19:20,116 --> 00:19:22,250
You knew this was gonna happen, didn't you?
353
00:19:22,283 --> 00:19:25,383
Yeah, but you had to find it out for yourself.
354
00:19:25,416 --> 00:19:27,450
Honey, you're a teenager, he's an adult.
355
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,283
It's perfectly normal for you guys to have nothing in common.
356
00:19:31,316 --> 00:19:33,383
Well, I have everything in common with you.
357
00:19:33,416 --> 00:19:36,166
Well, I'm stunted. I have no life.
358
00:19:38,166 --> 00:19:41,000
I'm sorry I said I wasn't your daughter.
359
00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:43,300
You are like a real mother to me.
360
00:19:44,466 --> 00:19:47,333
Well, sweetie, why don't you and John take the limo home.
361
00:19:47,366 --> 00:19:51,300
-Me and Mike could cab it later. -You're not bored with Mike?
362
00:19:56,133 --> 00:19:58,500
So not!
363
00:20:06,150 --> 00:20:08,133
See, when your sideburns are longer,
364
00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:09,483
it makes your face look thinner.
365
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,500
Mmm.
366
00:20:11,830 --> 00:20:13,133
Plus it wouldn't hurt to lay off the brie.
367
00:20:15,183 --> 00:20:17,483
-Oh, next customer. -Oh, well, all right.
368
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:21,660
Yes, I could use a trim. Thank you.
369
00:20:23,316 --> 00:20:26,283
You know, Ms. Fine, I just caught Margaret
370
00:20:26,316 --> 00:20:29,000
making out with that boy from her class.
371
00:20:29,330 --> 00:20:33,116
-Oh? -God, I am so happy!
372
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:35,283
I don't know what you did, but it certainly worked.
373
00:20:35,316 --> 00:20:38,333
Well, I was just like Maggie when I was 17,
374
00:20:38,366 --> 00:20:40,466
except I wasn't tall, rich and thin,
375
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,333
and I never put Miracle Whip on a bagel.
376
00:20:43,366 --> 00:20:46,483
[CHUCKLES] You know, you were right about me, too.
377
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,116
I was putting off having my hearing checked
378
00:20:49,150 --> 00:20:51,183
because I was afraid of getting older.
379
00:20:51,216 --> 00:20:55,266
Oh, well, I was dating Mike because he made me feel younger.
380
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:58,133
And you know what I learned from that whole experience?
381
00:20:58,166 --> 00:21:00,160
Worked like a charm.
382
00:21:01,316 --> 00:21:02,416
What'd the doctor say?
383
00:21:02,450 --> 00:21:04,400
Oh, well, it seems I'm suffering
384
00:21:04,433 --> 00:21:07,466
-from some short-term hearing loss. -Mm?
385
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,433
It could be a virus or prolonged exposure
386
00:21:10,466 --> 00:21:13,300
to an unusual frequency or pitch.
387
00:21:18,350 --> 00:21:22,116
That's funny. I live here and I've never had that problem.
388
00:21:24,466 --> 00:21:26,483
Brighton!
389
00:21:29,183 --> 00:21:30,450
It must be a virus.
390
00:21:42,433 --> 00:21:47,150
Oh, my God, I completely forgot you were waiting, C.C.
391
00:21:47,183 --> 00:21:50,350
I am so sorry.
392
00:21:50,383 --> 00:21:52,450
I've just been to the ear doctor. I...
393
00:21:52,483 --> 00:21:55,216
Oh, I feel terrible.
394
00:21:55,250 --> 00:21:57,433
Oh, look how lovely you look.
395
00:21:57,466 --> 00:21:59,233
I'll tell you what,
396
00:21:59,266 --> 00:22:02,100
why don't we go to your favorite restaurant, huh?
397
00:22:02,133 --> 00:22:03,316
Just the two of us?
398
00:22:04,266 --> 00:22:06,150
[SNORING]
399
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:19,830
[♪♪♪]
400
00:22:27,830 --> 00:22:29,116
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
30918
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