Original subtitles

Amanda, you're missing The Arlene Francis Show.

I'm coming, Mother.

Now, Jamie, remember, if it does rain...

...you don't have to step in every single mud puddle on the way home.

-How about half? -None.

Philip, watch out for your brother.

Don't walk through any vacant lots when you come home.

-And stay on the sidewalk. Right. -Stay on the sidewalk.

-Bye. Have fun today. -Bye, Mommy.

-Amanda. -Study hard.

Yes, Mother, I'm coming.

But, Mr. Harriman, won't publication of your book, The Suburban Spy, uh...

-...compromise our national security? -Not really.

-Have you heard the weather--? -Shh! This is very interesting.

It's all about spying in the suburbs.

-About what? -This ex-spy.

He wrote a book exposing all the people who worked in his agency. Now, listen.

Our security agencies have become increasingly involved...

...with the use of amateur, civilian employees.

-Well, is that necessarily bad? -Ha, ha. There's not a doubt in my mind.

Especially in light of the recent proliferation of intelligence-gathering activity.

It seems as if everyone is getting involved in espionage.

The butcher, the baker, teachers, housewives.

-Oh. Our friends, neighbors? -Can you imagine?

I can imagine.

The insidious part of this is that these people are not trained professionals.

The question we have to ask is can we entrust our national security...

...to these amateurs?

Just think, Amanda...

...what havoc one of these untrained, unqualified people could cause...

... I mean, if they got in over their heads.

-I'm thinking. -Yeah.

What about this exaggeration that you put into the average housewife?

I mean, are they gonna find themselves involved?

I can give you a specific example...

...of when the so-called everyday housewife was not only involved...

...she was the agent in question.

Mother, I really think we ought to do the laundry.

Just a minute. This is getting good.

It was right here in Washington, one of Washington's suburbs...

...when this young mother of two came within a whisker...

...of blowing Operation Sandstorm, one of our most sensitive intelligence operations.

-Oh, no. -Do you think he could be talking about...

-...Gwen Dorsett? -Probably.

I never really trusted her.

This little fiasco could have escalated into World War III.

And all because a amateur was sent to do a professional's job.

I see that you're very passionate about this.

-What's the matter? -I just have a little headache.

It's all that typing and watching television.

It probably is the television. Turn it off.

No, no. Just a minute. It'll all be over in a few minutes.

-That's what I'm afraid of. Uh... -I was a top operative.

-... mother? -Yes?

I think I probably better run to the drugstore and get some aspirin.

All right, honey. The fresh air is gonna do you good. Go ahead.

I've devoted several years of my life...

...to our intelligence organizations...

...and it pains me greatly to see them deteriorate to their present level.

Maybe I should give Gwen a call.

--regenerate our security institutions...

Can you believe that?

After all his crummy spy novels, Harriman hit the bigtime with an expose.

Too bad your client will never see it published.

You sure we're doing the right thing?

After all, if this book is a bestseller, I stand to make 10 percent.

What if it isn't? Our mercenary days are over, pal.

I'm not into living out of foxholes either. I just wonder if there's another way.

I don't think so. I think we stick to our original plan.

If we get the Russians and the U.S. in a bidding war for that book...

...you'll make 10 times the money if it were published.

If we can get Harriman to go with the program.

He'll go along with it.

One way or another.

Excuse me, Mr. Harriman. That exclusive interview you promised Insider Magazine?

-Sure, let's go right over here. Ahem. -Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Forget it, Scarecrow, you're wasting your breath.

You're really gonna go through with this?

You think that, uh, I was out there for my health?

You know the handstands I had to go through to get on this show?

Yeah. You know the handstands your fellow agents will have to make just to stay alive?

Don't be so melodramatic.

Nobody has to die if the agency plays it smart.

-Hmph. -Oh, it's gonna cost them.

They're gonna have to bring in all their operatives, gonna have to train new agents.

But whatever the price, it's not gonna be enough.

You're still bitter, aren't you?

What do you think? They stick me in some jungle outpost for one lousy mistake.

Well, that one lousy mistake cost three lives, pal.

Look, the agency owes me. This is my way of collecting.

Harriman, don't do it. Don't make another mistake that might cost more lives.

Scarecrow, this interview is over.

-Now, listen to me, man-- -Don't touch me.

Lee, I know you asked me never to come without calling...

...but this might be very important.

I was watching television with Mother--

You saw Harriman on the Talk Back With Arlene Francis Show.

-Yes. Did you see it? -Unfortunately.

That was me he was talking about. Operation Sandstorm, remember?

-I remember, yes. We all remember. -I know.

-Now, I know this is very upsetting to you. -Yes, it is.

What are we gonna do?

We are doing everything we can.

Yes, sir. Of course, sir. Like what, sir?

Legal Department is working on an injunction to stop publication.

If that doesn't work?

You and your family will be taken care of. Believe me.

Amanda, if worse comes to worse, we'll give you a new identity...

...and move you to another part of the country.

Oh, no. Not in the middle of the school year.

There are worse catastrophes.

-Melrose here. -Lee.

Maybe if I just went and talked to Mr. Harriman myself....

No, forget it, Amanda, I already tried.

Nothing I said made any difference.

That was Legal. Our request for an injunction was turned down.

-Ugh. -No.

Sir? Please, sir.

Would you let me talk to Mr. Harriman myself...

...and let him see someone whose life would be completely ruined...

...if he publishes this book?

-Amanda.... -Please, sir.

I suppose it can't hurt, and we're running out of options.

Billy, I'm telling you, you're wasting your time. The guy will not budge.

Then you must have a better idea.

Come on, I'll drive.

Thank you, sir.

-Watch your bag. -Your limousine right here, sir.

-All right, now, Amanda.... -Yeah?

Look, Harriman is a bottom-line type of guy, all right?

When you get in, go straight to the point. Don't get off on tangents.

No, I won't. I'll just tell him what the problem is.

Because if you state your problem, you define it, then you can solve it.

Just get inside, state your case, and get right out.

Right. Lee, I was thinking.

-Now what? -Well, you're in that book too, aren't you?

Yeah, I suppose.

If you are, they would probably have to give you a new identity...

...and relocate you too, wouldn't they?

Yeah, probably. So?

Well, we wouldn't get to see each other again, I guess.

-Yeah. -You know.

Yeah, I guess not.

Why?

Just thinking.

-Well, uh.... -Probably get in. Yeah.

Excuse me.

Now, remember what I told you.

-Keep it short and sweet. -I will.

-Sure you wanna go in there alone? -I think it's better that way.

Yeah, it is. I'm liable to punch his lights out.

Okay.

-Go on. -I'm going.

-Lee. -What?

It's open.

A man! In my room! He's got a gun! He's in there.

No, no. That way! That--You see him?

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Harriman?

I'm sorry to barge in on you like this. I know you're very busy, um....

My name is Amanda King.

I just thought that I would like to come in here and talk to you for a few minutes...

...and tell you a little bit about myself and, uh....

I do have two little boys, uh, Philip and Jamie.

If they were to be given new identities, they wouldn't know who they were...

...and they might lose their place in school--

Oh! Hey, what's going on?

Ugh!

Sir, are you all right? Huh?

-Ma'am, is he all right? -Sure. Harvey, are you all right?

-Yeah. What happened? -Okay.

Amanda.

It might not make any difference to you, Mr. Harriman...

... but I've read almost every one of your novels and l, uh--

Well, enough of that. Let me just get right to the bottom line.

He's not listening to me.

-What? -He won't listen to me.

Not listening to a word I say.

He can't hear you because he's dead.

Oh, my gosh.

People, we have a problem.

Whoever murdered Harriman and stole his manuscript didn't do it for our benefit.

So what? Whoever has the book is gonna be selling it to the highest bidder.

Sooner or later, they'll contact us.

Unless the Russians make an offer they can't refuse.

We can't take that chance. Start contacting our information brokers.

-Get a line on this. -We'll get right on it.

-Uh, Lee, would it be all right-- -Amanda, no.

-You cannot go along. -Why not?

I've read all of Mr. Harriman's spy novels and I could probably help.

I know you are upset, but I don't see how that can possibly help.

Don't be hard on her, Scarecrow. She has a stake in this.

Thank you, sir.

Look, where I'm going, it's dirty work. You won't like it, believe me.

At 1 12 pounds, Calamity Jane...

...will have till the end of the round. No holds barred.

Now stepping into the mud, her challenger. From Stockholm....

-I'm gonna tear her apart. Watch this. -Oh, yeah?

Oh, no! Not me again!

Look at that, you're clean as a whistle and I ruined my new sweater.

Look--Ahem. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But let me put it to you this way:

Information dealers are like worms, low forms of life.

-Right. Right. -Okay?

I am talking about dark corners, mud...

-... places just like this. -Right.

I have one particular worm in mind. I'm gonna go look for him out back.

-Good. -No, no, no. You just wait here for me.

You want me to wait here?

Yes. Please. Just wait for me.

-Okay. I'll wait here. -All right.

-Lee. -What?

I'll be waiting here.

Good. Good.

Ooh!

You pig!

Whew.

-She likes me. Really. -Yeah, I can see that.

Whew. August Riley Swann, at your service, sir.

Just cut the bull, will you? Tell me what you know about this book.

-ls that the way you treat a friend--? -Now, Augie...

...unfortunately, we are acquaintances.

And if you stretched the point, even business associates.

But never, ever, in your wildest imagination, could you consider us friends.

-Now tell me, what have you got? -Gee, I'm sorry you feel that way.

Come on.

Okay. It's the usual deal. High bidder gets it. I'm the middleman.

I get a percentage from them and a percentage from the buyer.

-I wanna know who contacted you. -Ha. Come on, Lee, you can't--

I just changed the rules. I'll ask it! Who contacted you?

-Watch the jacket. -Come on!

Okay, okay.

Uh, tell you the truth, I don't know.

I swear! It was at a drop site. I never saw anybody.

-lf you're not telling me the truth, I'm-- -I'm telling you like it is.

Now you listen to me. I can't answer those kind of questions.

I'm an information broker and a middleman.

The only reason I'm even alive right now is because I don't reveal my contacts.

Ha. Thank God for small favors.

Oh, go ahead, joke about it.

But if I'm dead, who's gonna deal you information?

Oh, I know, you'll find somebody else. But let me ask you this...

...you think he'll play square with you the way I do?

Hey, did I ever give you false information?

On purpose? Did I ever jack up my price in the middle of a deal?

-Come on. -Outrageously?

You could do a lot worse, pal.

All right, all right. You made your point.

This must be pretty important, huh? Or you wouldn't have gotten so bent out of shape.

It's very important. A lot of innocent lives are at stake.

Tell you what...

...forget the usual down payment. The pages are yours, on the house.

What do you mean, pages?

From the book. They were dropped off with the ransom demand.

And there you go, folks, another great match.

Here's Mud in Your Eye. Not exactly the Olympics...

...but what do you want for a $5 cover charge?

Where's the telephone?

Hey, these girls aren't cheap.

But they do fight dirty.

Free. This time.

You can make it up to me later.

Money is always the bottom line with you, isn't it, Augie?

What's this? I'm only doing this because I like you.

Yeah, sure, and also because you're a super patriot.

Well, that too.

Let's just say I owe you.

-Oh, excuse me. -Amanda, uh, what are you doing here?

Looking for a phone to call my mother.

Where have you been hiding this one?

August Riley Swann, at your service.

Augie, she's not your type.

Don't be so sure. We could use a clean-cut all-American type.

-Hi. You ever done any wrestling? -Hi. No.

-No matter, they fake most of it anyway. -Augie.

-Here. You ever want a tryout, okay? -No, thank you.

-I don't think I will. -Are you sure?

I can get you a cut rate on dry cleaning. Take my card. Just take my card.

What?

-Amanda, we have work to do. -Gotta go.

-Okay. You sure? -Sure.

-Change your mind, let me know. -You'll be the first.

-Augie Swann. -Get out of here.

Okay.

Oh, well.

Do I have mud on my face?

-This could be what we're looking for. -Yeah.

-Amanda. -I know, no need to know. But I do.

I'm probably in this.

Please, Lee, just one little peek?

-Okay. One peek. -Thanks.

-Lee? -Hmm?

I have a question.

-What? -Well...

...we're gonna take these pages back to the agency, right?

And they'll read them, be sure this is the right manuscript...

...then make some kind of a deal to get the whole thing back, right?

-Yeah. Something like that. -It's not a very good deal.

For once I agree with you, Amanda, but it's out of our hands.

-Billy will have to make that decision. -No, these aren't the pages. This is fiction.

-This stuff is from one of Harriman's novels. -What?

How could you be so stupid?

I don't understand how you survived those years we fought in Africa.

How was I to know it was the wrong book? It was the book in his hotel room.

You're his agent. Don't you read his material?

No. I just try to sell it, I don't critique it.

Jeez, I don't believe it. The chance of a lifetime and you blow it.

Maybe you should handle it. It wasn't my idea to kill Harriman.

You had access to him. He trusted you.

Maybe the Russians won't know it's the wrong book.

-We can persuade Augie to contact them. -Ha, ha.

So they can kill us when they find out they've been had?

The Russians would never pay as much as the Americans would...

...to get the book back.

No, our best bet is try to get ahold of the real manuscript.

Well, that's great. How do you propose to do that?

Lucky for you, I have read your client's books and I find him very predictable.

This episode of the wrong book is straight out of Burial in Munich...

...which gives me an idea where the real book is hidden.

Yeah? Where?

You'll find out soon enough...

...after a refresher course in breaking and entering.

Whoever took this book might not know they have the wrong one yet.

-Could be. -Which means if we find it before they do....

I wonder if he could possibly have hidden it where the--

No. I don't think he really could possibly have done that.

Amanda, right now we are not exactly overwhelmed with options.

Well, in one of Mr. Harriman's books--

It was either Burial in Munich or The Dishonored Student, I'm not sure.

Anyway, the hero had just fallen in love with a double agent--

Oh, Amanda.

I'm sorry. Did anyone check Mr. Harriman's apartment?

And his hotel room in Washington. Both of them. Twice.

What about the microwave?

-The microwave? -Yeah.

Did anybody check the microwave?

I don't--l--l--

It may have a false panel.

Come on, we've got a long drive. He lives in Baltimore.

Uh, Amanda, why don't you be a lookout?

You know, in case we need a quick getaway.

-Oh, okay. -All right.

-Go! Come on! Go! -That's them?

Yeah! Come on. Put it in gear.

No, no, no! Amanda, get it in gear!

Put it in gear. Come on.

-I can't get it in gear. -Never mind.

Just never mind, huh?

You know I don't know how to drive a stick shift.

Oh, I know.

Next time I'll drive.

-I'm sorry. -Yeah.

Mom, can we watch a space show tonight?

Sure, you can.

-Amanda. -Yes, Mother?

Could I see you in the kitchen for a minute?

-Amanda. -Yes, Mother?

This is the first time in modern history you've let the boys stay up past bedtime...

...especially on a school night. Now, what is going on?

Nothing's going on, Mother.

Amanda, did I ask you embarrassing questions...

...about why it took you six hours to go to the drugstore...

-...to buy some aspirin? -No, Mother.

And what about that outrageous tale about how you got your sweater ruined?

-At a mud-wrestling bar? -Mother, that's the truth.

Now, the film company that I work for, lFF, wants to buy a book...

...and the contact was at this... bar.

A mud-wrestling bar?

Well, Mother, you know how crazy those movie people are.

Amanda, what is the problem?

Mother, have you ever thought about living someplace else?

Yes. Sure.

Just the other day I saw this wonderful English Tudor...

-...right over on-- -No, no. I mean...

...maybe, I don't know, another part of the country, you know?

California maybe. It's nice there all year. It never gets cold.

Or maybe if you'd like something a little slower paced and less hectic.

Well, how about, um, ldaho, someplace like that?

Amanda! Amanda! Have you taken leave of your senses?

I mean, how could you even consider such a thing in the middle of the school year?

You have been acting very strange since your visit to Dr. Goodman last--

-ls it something serious? -ls what serious?

The diagnosis. Dr. Goodman's?

Mother, no, I'm not sick. I just thought maybe a little change in our lives--

Amanda, you have never welcomed change in your entire life.

That doesn't mean I'm sick.

I'll get it.

-Hello? -Mrs. Amanda King?

-Uh-huh. Just a minute. Amanda. -Yes, Mother?

You swear to me that you are not sick.

I swear to you that I am not sick.

Okay.

-Thank you, Mother. -Yeah.

-Hello? -Congratulations.

You're the star of page 91 of The Suburban Spy. Operation Sandstorm?

-Who is this? -We know all about you, Mrs. King.

Where you live, your family.

And since we have your phone tapped, I wouldn't bother calling the police.

Now, listen carefully.

Mother, I'm gonna go back to the drugstore and get some more headache medicine.

That other headache medicine just didn't work. Good night.

-Good night, fellas. Okay. -Good night.

You can watch your space program but you go to bed right after that, okay?

Night.

Hmm.

I think I will call Dr. Goodman.

Hello?

Anybody here?

Mr. Swann?

I'm here.

-Amanda. -Aah!

All right. Hold it! What?

-Sorry. -I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Didn't you ever see Wait Until Dark?

Uh-uh.

-I just had to make sure you were alone. -I'm alone.

You sure? Because these people I talked to, they sound like they mean business.

Their instructions and demands are in there.

It says that from now on, they will deal only with me.

Yeah. I guess for some reason they don't trust me with $2 million.

I peeked.

No way. We are not sending you out there alone.

Sir, I have to go. They're watching my house and my family.

Your family is safe. We've got men surrounding your house right now.

But we're not gonna do anything?

Amanda, it's against agency policy to pay any kind of ransom demand.

But, Billy, this could be our only chance to really nail these guys.

Now, I say we stuff the briefcase with bogus cash...

...disguise Francine and send her in Amanda's place.

No, no. It's too risky. If they specifically asked for Amanda...

...we have to assume that they'll be watching her very carefully.

Sir, I'm not a brave person, but I wanna go through with this.

I appreciate your offer, Amanda, but I couldn't--

Excuse me, sir. I don't mean to interrupt,but I think maybe Lee is right.

I think this might be our only chance.

And, um, well, my name is in that book.

And all of our names may be in that book.

And until we smoke these people out...

...well, our families will never really be safe again.

-We could wire her. -Put a homing device in the briefcase.

Francine and I run a backup.

First sign of anything smelling sour, we pull the plug.

I guess it's up to you, Amanda.

Are you sure you wanna go through with this?

Yes, sir.

-Hello? -Okay, Mrs. King, now listen up.

I can see every move you make.

Now, I know how agencies work.

So, what do you say we start off by getting rid of the wire, huh?

-What wire? -Don't play games with me,lady. The wire!

Right.

Damn it! They're on to us. They made her take her wire off.

-Off. -That's better.

Now, just outside of that phone booth you'll see a brown paper bag.

-Yes. -ln that brown paper bag is a satchel.

Take the money out of that briefcase and put it into the satchel.

Right.

A lot of money.

And we just lost our homing device.

They're making her change briefcases. Good thing we used that fake money.

Yep. A lot of money. All mine.

-Damn it. -Here you go.

-Okay. -That's good work, Mrs. King.

If you turn around, you'll see a bus pulling up...

-...to the stop next to you. -Right.

I want you to get on that bus and take it to Chelsea Street.

Get off and go to the nearest phone booth. Now.

Right.

Oh! Hello!

Whoa!

Wait. She just got on the 55 crosstown bus. Ryko has missed her. Has anyone got her?

Affirmative, Scarecrow. Bus is heading west on Lincoln. I'm right on her tail.

They're approaching the bus stop. I'm still with them.

Come on!

Go, go!

Hello?

You have to be faster than that, Mrs. King.

You've got five minutes to get to your next set of directions. Move.

Okay.

She's moving again.

She's in a hurry.

Affirmative, Scarecrow. Don't let her out of your sight.

Damn it! Francine, pick her up on Grove, coming out of the alley.

Pick her up on Grove, coming out of the alley.

Got it. We've made her.

Billy, I'm getting a bad feeling.

She's been in there too long.

I think you're right, Scarecrow. Go in there and get her out now.

Affirmative. All right, wait here for me.

-Amanda King? -Yes?

Get on. You're supposed to come with me.

You're kidding.

Amanda, wait!

No, no, no.

Go in there and wait.

Billy, if I had any clues I wouldn't be on the phone with you.

What have you got on the license plate?

Uh-huh.

Okay. I got it.

Come on down, babe.

I got a few questions to ask you, pal.

Buzz off, turkey. Aah!

Maybe you'd like to rephrase that.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

-Welcome, Mrs. King. -Aah! Oh, ha.

I wish you people wouldn't always do that to me.

Oh, I'm sorry, but I have to make sure--

I'm alone. I know. I am.

I can see that.

-You take direction very well, Mrs. King. -Thank you.

Actually, you got here a little sooner than I expected.

Well, that man on the motorcycle drove real fast.

Oh, I'll bet.

But, uh, let's see what we got in here.

Well, if it's all right, I suppose I can be going now.

Oh, not quite. Not quite.

You see, uh....

Oh, you don't really wanna do that, do you?

-Mm-hm. Come on, Mrs. King. -Ouch!

This way, Mrs. King.

That might keep you out of circulation for a little while. Goodbye.

Not so fast, pal.

Now, the gun. Slide it over here, easy.

All right. Now, let's remove the cuffs before your buddy decides to come back.

Good idea, but a little late.

Toss it over there.

Let's not keep our new friend out of the fun.

Put the other one through there.

Looks like a good time to start our retirement party. Unh!

Too bad there's only room for one at that party.

Should give me a nice head start.

By the time they identify your dental charts...

...I should be on some South American plantation.

Lee, I want you to know that I'm not at all worried.

I know you're a highly trained professional agent...

...and I'm sure you have a plan to get us out of this.

-Don't you? -Not at the moment.

-No plan? -No.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

Brooks isn't as smart as he thinks he is.

Come on. Maybe we can get close to that fire extinguisher. Come on.

-You mean pull this? -Yes.

Too heavy. It's not gonna work.

Look, Amanda, see if you can slip your arm on it.

This is as far as it'll go, my wrist. My hand is bigger.

-Maybe we could, uh-- -Ah! Give me your belt.

-What? -Take your belt off.

Take your belt off. Take off your belt. Take your belt off.

I'm not sure I wanna hear this. What are you do--?

Please don't make me ask you again.

-What? -Just take your belt off.

I can use the little metal prong in your belt. Maybe we can use it to undo the handcuffs.

Look, it worked on Jamie's bike.

All right. Here. All right, come on.

-I have to take it--? -Yes. You have to--

I'll take it off.

-Okay. Sorry. I'm sorry. -Hurry. Hurry. Ah!

-Oh, I'm really very sorry. -Yeah.

-Come on. The fire's getting closer. -I'm trying.

Okay.

-Oh, my gosh. -Come on.

-Get me out of here. -Right.

-This little thing in here. -Yeah.

Just....

-There. -There.

The other one. Come on.

Yeah.

Come on. Hold up. Hold, hold it.

Hey, hey. Come on, sleeping beauty. Let's go.

Here, take him. Hold on to him for me.

Amanda, go on, get out of here. I got some unfinished business.

Get out of the way!

Battalion 14, go ahead.

Battalion 14, respond to....

Thank you.

Come on, pal. Get up.

Well, looks like your retirement plans are all washed up.

Go on. Get him out of here.

Oh.

Oh.

-Yeah. -It's lucky it's not real. It's ruined.

Oh, Amanda.

-What's the matter? You seem nervous. -No, I'm not nervous.

Amanda, relax. Sleece and Brooks are in jail and the only copy of the book burned up.

Right. I'm not worried. I'm not nervous.

-Lee. -What?

What am I gonna say to her?

-What? To Arlene? -Yes.

What do you usually say to someone new?

She's not someone new, she's famous. She's a celebrity.

I don't know how to talk to a celebrity.

Just talk to her the way you would anyone else.

The way l--Sure. I'll be fine.

Here she comes.

-Oh, Arlene. -Hello.

I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, Amanda King.

Amanda, Miss Arlene Francis.

-Oh, I'm so pleased to meet you too. -And so pleased--

I'm so--So very--I said--

I took a--

-Are you all right? -Oh, yes. I'm fine. I just--

Well, I guess I'm a little nervous about meeting you.

I knew that I was very excited about meeting you.

I didn't know I'd be so nervous I couldn't talk. That never happens.

I can talk in any situation. Mother always told me:

'Amanda, you never have to worry about your gift of gab, you've got it and--'

Well, I guess I've really made myself look kind of silly now.

No. I just was amazed that you were able to say all of that in one breath.