All language subtitles for T.R. Baskin - 1971.eng

Hey, Larry! Larry Moore, hey!

Hey! Oh! Larry!

Larry!

Larry!

I can't believe
it, Larry Moore.

That's right.

I'm Jack. Jack Mitchell.

Hey, Jack, how are you?
It's nice to see you.

You don't know who I am.

Well, of course I do.
You're Jack Mitchell.

It's 'cause I'm bald.
I'm Jack Mitchell.

That's right.

We're fraternity brothers.

Jesus. Jack Mitchell?

Hey! You look great,
you look really great.

Thank you. You look fine too.

Hey, come on, let
me buy you a drink.

Well, look, I've got to,
uh. I'm actually late.

Oh, no. Come on, I'm gonna buy
you a drink, buddy. That's it.

You know, I live in Utica.

No, I. I didn't know
that. Do you like it there?

Oh, it's great,
it's really great,

but, uh, it's not like here.

You know, I married Ella.

Well, you remember Ella.

Sure. How. How is she?

You don't remember Ella.

Of course I remember Ella.

Fine. What?

Ella, she's just fine.

Oh, that's great.

Do you Do you see
any of the old guys?

Not, uh, not very much.

I ran into Jay
Reinfeld the other day.

Oh. Hey, how is Jay?

Just great.

Listen, Larry, uh,
I was wondering, uh.

Well, I'm only gonna be
in town a little while.

I was wondering if
you know any, uh.

You know, girls.

Uh, hello, is this T.R.?

Yes.

Uh, my name is Jack Mitchell.

Uh, I've just arrived in town.

I'm only gonna be
here for a day or two.

Uh, Larry gave me your name.

Hello, T.R.? Hello?

Hello!

Yes?

Uh, well. I was
wondering if, uh,

if you could come and see me.

I mean, if we
could get together.

Uh, how about it? Come on.

Hello? T.R.?

All right.

Great! Uh, that's terrific.

That's really terrific. Uh.

Are you, are you
free right now?

Yes.

Ah, well I'm at
the Sherman House.

Room 1453.

Oh, do you know where that is?

It's on the 14th floor.

What?

Yeah, I know where it is.

Uh.

Terrific, I'II. I'll see
you in a few minutes then.

Right. Are you alone?

Oh, yes.

How will I recognize you?

What?

Never mind. I'll see
you in a few minutes.

Tough luck, you missed
me. Wanna start over?

We can try again.

Uh, hello there.

Hi.

Uh, come in.

Come in.

Let me take your coat. Mmm.

Scarf.

Please sit down.

Would you like a drink?

No, thank you.

Are you sure? Yes.

So!

Cigarette? No, thank you.

Are you from Chicago?

No, I'm from Ohio.

Ohio. I go to Ohio
every once in awhile.

Cleveland, I go to Cleveland.

Are you from Cleveland?
No, I'm from Findlay.

Findlay!

Ever hear of it?

Sure I have.

I just don't think
I've ever been there.

What brought you from
Findlay, Ohio, to Chicago?

An airplane.

The Y, please. WCA.

you know, it's always good.

I tell you that
Larrabee Street exit

sometimes ain't so good, so
maybe the best thing to do

is to stay on
until Clark Street.

Hey, your first time
in Chicago, huh? Yeah?

isn't so good either.
Maybe Wabash is better.

Watch it there! Move over!

Hey, you know, Wabash
ain't so hot either.

Maybe Uh, maybe
we oughta take, uh.

It's only the couple of hours

that Kedzie gets all
screwed up, you know?

they shouldn't allow trucks
in the daytime anyhow.

Ah, they can make their
deliveries at night.

Yeah. Wouldn't screw
things up that way.

Hey, watch it!

I hate them creeps
in them little cars.

Like bugs they are, bugs!

Taxi, taxi! Hey, taxi!

People talk about
pollution, you know.

You know how to get rid of
pollution in the streets, huh?

Get rid of them
little cars and trucks.

All them little
cars and trucks.

Pollution, everywhere is
pollution, you know what I mean?

Well, I hope you like Chicago.

Hey, that's 50
cents for the bags.

Is there any
mail for room 208?

Hello, Operator?

I'd like to send
a telegram, please.

To Findlay, Ohio?
F- I-N-D-L-A-Y.

Um, Mr. and Mrs.
Harold Baskin.

B A
S- K-I-N.

1225 Gehrig Avenue.

G- E-H-R-I-G,
Findlay.

Uh, dear Mom and Dad,

have gone to Chicago to
seek fame and fortune.

Arrived safe and unarmed.

Don't be mad.

Um, would you change that?

Uh, don't wait up.

Love, T.R.

No, "T" as in tree, "R".

Yeah.

That's all there is.

Um, room 1553.

Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah? Is this "charming
studio apartment

"in ideal location,
reasonable, inquire"?

Yeah. Come in, come in.

You have your own bathroom.
Heat and water are included.

A nice place. Nothin' fancy, but it's
a nice place and it's only 110 a month.

What?

A hundred and ten a month,
heat and water included.

What's the matter?

Um, it's not exactly
what I expected.

Well, what did you expect?

I don't know.

But not the waiting room
of a Greyhound bus station.

Oh, you're a riot, kid.
You're from out of town, right?

Well, this is Chicago. Now,
you don't know about Chicago.

A hundred and ten a month in Chicago
will get you this, if you're lucky,

and nothin' more. This
ain't so bad, you know.

You don't believe me, right?

Well, go look for
yourself, you'll find out.

What's the matter?

You're worried about
the neighborhood, huh?

Right? You're worried about

walkin' about this
neighborhood at night, right?

Listen, kid, I wouldn't walk
anywhere in this city at night.

Hey, if you want anything better,
you gotta pay two, three hundred.

You don't believe me? Go
look for yourself. You'll see.

Can I help you?

No, thank you, I'm fine.

Who do you wish to see?

Kathy Simon? Just a moment.

Miss Simon? There's a
young lady here to see you.

Uh, what is your name, Miss?

T.R. Baskin.

Named Baskin.

All right. You can go up.

Apartment 15C. Thank you.

Are you D.R.? T.R, yeah.

Yes!

I'm Kathy. Hi.

Yeah.

This is a really nice hallway.

Oh, I'm so stupid!
Let's go inside.

I'm sorry, I'm just
so excited, I mean,

I just can't believe it.

My roommate just ran off
and got married, I mean,

just like that, not
one word or anything

and there I was stuck
for another roommate.

I was so depressed, I mean
not one word or anything,

and there I was, and then
there was your ad in the paper,

I almost went crazy.
It was like ESP,

you know what I mean?

Sit down. Tell
me about yourself.

Uh, well, there's not
really very much to tell.

I mean, I'm not very
different from anybody else.

Oh, not much you aren't!

Are you married or engaged
or anything like that?

No, not anything like that.

Me neither. It's too early for
me, if you know what I mean.

I mean, I want to have my fun now
and get it all out of my system.

I mean, some girls just rush
right in and get married and then

later on they feel like
they've missed something.

I don't want to feel like I've missed
something, you know what I mean?

Now, how much can you afford?

Uh, about 125, maybe 150
if I eat erasers for lunch.

I can't believe it! I just
can't believe it, that's perfect.

The apartment costs 300, so
your 150 and my 150, that's 300.

Yes, it is.

Could I see the rest of it?

Oh, I'm so stupid, of course.

Well now, this is
the living room.

It's very nice.

We'll add furniture
later, of course,

but I'd rather live
here than on one of those

dingy streets with all the furniture
in the world, if you know what I mean.

Tiara, that's quite
a name for a building.

It means "crown".

And this is your bedroom.

I think two bedrooms is
mandatory, if you know what I mean.

Listen, what you do is your own
business, if you know what I mean.

Well, now for the bathroom.

We also have a
nice small kitchen.

By the way, do you cook?

A little. Huh!

Well, what do you think?

I think you send
out for food a lot.

Oh, that's wonderful!
I just can't believe it,

this is gonna work out so
perfectly, I just know it will.

You don't walk around
naked all the time, do you?

Huh? Some girls like
to walk around naked.

My roommate in school
used to do that.

She used to just stand
in front of the mirror,

in the raw, mind you. Just
stand there and stare at herself.

It used to make me so nervous,
if you know what I mean.

You don't do that, do you?

Listen about schedules,

I'm usually gone
two or three days

and then I'm home
two or three days

and I just love my sleep,
if you know what I mean.

I hope you don't
squeeze the toothpaste

in the middle of the tube
or anything like that,

I just couldn't stand that.
By the way do you smoke?

I smoke, but only occasionally
and then only in private

if you know what I mean.

Listen, I think privacy is the
basis of all good relationships,

don't you agree?
It's very important.

Yeah, Larry told
me a lot about you.

He certainly did.

What did he say?

He said when I get to Chicago
I should be sure to look you up.

Really? That's a lot to say.

Well, how about a drink? Are
you sure you don't want a drink?

No, thank you.

Did Larry ever tell you
that after my parents died

I spent two years in Vietnam as a
nurse in a Marine field hospital?

No! Gee, that's rough.

What was it like over there?

How the hell should I
know? I was never there.

I just wondered if Larry ever
told you I was in Vietnam.

Well, why would he tell you I.

You were in Vietnam
if you weren't there?

Well, that's dumb.
Why would I ask you

if Larry ever told you I was
in Vietnam if I was never there?

Well, I don't know.

Neither do I.

How far do you live from here?

About a thousand a month.

Are you married? No.

Have you ever
been married? No.

Parents? A complete set.

Are they alive?
They certainly are.

Have you ever had
malaria, tuberculosis,

rheumatic fever, heart disease,
kidney disease or any mental illness?

No, no, no, no, no.

No.

Have you ever been
convicted of a felony?

Twelve arrests,
no convictions.

Here, take these
to Accounting.

You get Christmas and Easter
and all legal holidays.

On behalf of the management, I
would like to take this opportunity

to welcome you to
the I.L.T. family.

I'm sorry, I had to step out
for a moment. Can I help you?

Is this Accounting?

What's your name? T.R. Baskin.

How do you spell that?
Capital "T", capital "R".

No, Paskin.
B- A-S-K-I-N.

"P" as in Peter?
No, "B" as in bedlam.

You're in the wrong department,
this is "N" through "Z".

This is "N" through "Z".

We handle all employees
with names that begin

with the letters
"N" through "Z".

You're a "B", you belong
in "A" through "M".

Oh. Well, where is that?

Two corridors down. It's
the last door on your left.

Thank you very much.

Is this "A" through "M"?
Yes. What's your name, please?

Baskin, with a "B" like
in baloney. I belong here.

Take those and give
them to the girl there.

Ok, thanks. Mmm-hmm.

Hi, sit down.

Can I have those please?

T.R. Baskin.

Is that your whole name, T.R.?
Or is that short for anything?

Uh-uh, that's it.

My name's Dayle Wigoda.

Did you just come
from the bitch?

Yeah. Mmm.

Do you have a history
of mental illness?

I think she has it, that's
why she's so hung up on it.

You get paid
every other Friday.

I know it stinks, but
that's how they do it here.

And you can cash personal
checks at the Cashier's,

but it can't total
more than $25 a week.

Here's your ID card.
Just sign it here.

If you want to come into the
building at night or on the weekend,

you have to show it
to the security guard.

You also have to be crazy.

Here's your employee book.

It tells you all sorts of
goodies, like you can't wear slacks

and how to get to
the coffee shop.

Here's your health plan
information booklet,

and another one on your
stock purchase plan.

Both of them are rotten.

Are you from Chicago?
No, I'm from Ohio.

Did you just get here? Yeah.

Do you have a place?
Mmm, I just found one.

Oh. Well, if there's
anything I can do,

anything, just call
me or something.

Ask for Accounting and
when you get Accounting,

ask for the "B's". The "B's"?

Mmm. I'm the "B's".

I work on just the "B's".

That's why you're here.

You'd be surprised how many
"B's" work in this place.

Do you like it?

Well, most of the guys in
Accounting are pretty nerdy,

but it happens to be an absolutely
super place to find out things.

Now I know how
much everybody makes

and I know who's getting
fired even before they know.

Listen, I don't mean
to pry or anything,

but since you're new here, you
probably don't know a lot of people.

Well, I'd be more than happy
to fix you up, I really would.

Ok, well, thanks a lot.

Hey, don't forget. The "B's".

We expect you to
think of your desk

as your "home during
the day," so to speak.

Just as you wouldn't
keep a dirty home,

we don't think you
should keep a messy desk.

Now, you are allowed
two coffee breaks.

One in the morning and
one during the afternoon.

They may not
exceed 10 minutes.

You also have one
hour for lunch.

Look up and down
your row, Miss Baskin.

That is your row.

You may determine your own
lunch and coffee breaks,

so long as there is always
somebody in your row at all times.

You may work that out
with the rest of your row.

Are there any questions?

Good.

On behalf of the management, I
would like to take this opportunity

to welcome you to
the I.L.T. family.

Kindly push the button
for the desired floor.

Step to the rear of the
elevator and face the front.

Level one. Cashier and
Employees' Lounge. Thank you.

Don't mention it.

T.R.?

Hey, T.R.! Over here!

Come on over.

Hey, how are you?

Hey. Come on.

This is T.R. Baskin. This is
Marsha Kaufman and Linda Medcalf.

Hi. Hi, D.R.

No, T.R. T.R. works
on the 23rd floor,

Branch Relations.

That's Roger Fry's floor. Mmm.

The whole floor?

Roger Fry is in your department.
He thinks he's gorgeous.

Is he?

He would be if he
weren't married.

He also thinks he can make it
with any girl in the building.

Can he?

I don't know. So far
he's worked his way up

to the 42nd floor and
he's only 67% effective.

Do all you guys work together?

Mmm, Marsha's "G's"
and Linda's "H's".

And you get to eat together?

Mmm-hmm.

Oh! Here comes Alice Hinds.

She works in Sales.

She thinks she's nothing
less than terrific

just because she
has big boobs.

Dayle!

I'd trust her about as far
as I could throw the building.

Hi, Alice!

This is T.R. Baskin.
She just started.

Oh, what kind of name is that?

Lithuanian.

What?

T.R. works in
Branch Relations.

Oh. How do you like
our little place?

It's not bad. What
do you do here?

Oh, the same thing
we all do here. Hunt.

She's on Roger Fry's floor.

Oh, that's right.
Branch Relations.

Well, that's going
to be interesting.

He's married, you know.

Yeah, I've been told.

Oh, he's gonna like you. Why?

Mmm, 'cause you're his type.

Well, what's his type?

Any female over 12 and under
70 who doesn't have a harelip.

The age requirements may be
lifted in special circumstances.

Oh, no, there's Eilene Flanders,
I hope she doesn't see us.

She probably will. She
just got new contact lenses.

Oh, Christ, here she comes.
What's the matter with her?

Oh, nothing, if you
don't mind sluts.

Hi, Eilene.

Oh, this is T.R.
Baskin, she's new.

Oh. Hi, P.R.

T.R. Hi.

Listen, I was just going anyway, so
it was very nice meeting all of you.

Bye.

Hmm!

How do you like it here?

I'm not wild about the drapes.

No, no, I mean Chicago.

So do I.

You're makin' fun of me.

No, I'm not.

Look, uh, I know
I'm not so smart but.

Even I know when
someone's makin' fun of me.

I'm not making fun of you.

What do you want to come
here and make fun of me for?

Look, Larry told me you
were a great-looking girl,

and you certainly are.

Larry never said you were
gonna give me such a hard time.

You're absolutely
right, Jack Mitchell.

I have no right to
give you a hard time,

especially if Larry
never told you I would.

No siree, no hard time,
not from this cookie.

Well?

Oh, uh.

Yeah, yeah, uh.

What's the matter,
Mister Mitchell?

I can't.

Why not?

I don't know.

What's so funny?

I'm not laughing at you.

Would would you like to talk?

Boy, now I know where my
grandmother used to get her perfume.

I smell like a fruit stand.

Well, you're excused, lady.

I'm sorry.

C'est magnifique, no?

Do you like it? I'm
not wild about it.

I think it's super.

Buy it.

Well, I don't know.

Is it always like this?

Normally it's crowded.

You sure you don't want a
date for Friday? No, thank you.

What are you gonna
do, stay home?

I got things to do.

Like what? I like to read.

You can read Monday
through Thursday.

Come on, T.R, I'm not
askin' you to marry the guy,

just have a date with him.

I'll be there with you, carrying
a can of mace to protect you,

from attack if that's
what you're worried about.

I don't see why
you don't do it.

You know, he isn't
exactly hunchback.

He doesn't rape old ladies.

I used to know this guy
who raped old ladies,

he was a very close
friend of my uncle's.

I think it looks just lovely.

It's a little full
in the shoulder, but.

It's 34 sizes too large.
Do you have it in a 10?

No, I'm sorry, honey. It's the
only one like it in the whole store.

It's a very popular number.

Wait a minute, come
on over here with me.

I do have something else
that's just right for you.

Everybody's been wearing it,

and I know I have it in
a size 10 'cause I put one

away for a customer
this morning.

There. Isn't that perfect?

Yeah, that's very
nice. How much is it?

$74.95.

It's not exactly what
I'm looking for, you know?

Look, I met Gary a couple
weekends ago skiing.

He's really nice, and he
was there with his friend.

Do you understand, T.R.?

I saw him. I actually saw him.

He walks, he talks,
he's absolutely super.

Actually, I'm
doing you a favor.

Thanks a lot.

Hey, look, I wanna get a stuffed
animal for my kid brother, ok?

T.R. Hey there, giraffe.

I don't understand you.

What do you mean?

Look, do you want to stay home
alone? Is that what you want?

It's just that I don't really
like blind dates, you know?

And I'm fine, I'm really fine.

Mmm. Oh, boy, this is
silly. We only have an hour.

Besides, I don't
even have a brother.

Look, all we're gonna do is go
to dinner and then have a few

drinks or something, whatever
you want. He happens to be loaded.

Maybe we can get them to
take us some place expensive.

What have you got to lose?

Why is it so important
to you that I have a date?

I mean, how come you're crusading
for this great eligible catch?

I promised Gary I'd get him
someone nice for his friend.

Well, I'm really flattered
but what about your friends?

Those two girls
you're always with?

You mean Linda and Marsha?

Yeah, what about them?
Oh, they're trolls.

Look, T.R, please
as a favor, say yes.

What's his name? Arthur.

Arthur! Oh, uau!

Oh, T.R.!

Ok.

Super. I appreciate
it. I really do.

I don't agree with
you. I think it's super.

Hey, where the hell
did you get that scarf?

I didn't see you pay for that.

Oh, you are sweet. Hah!

Hey, Jake Mitchell?

What's Elmira like?

I don't know.

Aren't you from Elmira?

No, Utica.

I'm from Utica.

What's it like?

You don't give a
damn about Utica.

Yes, I do.

Why?

I don't know.

You don't give a damn.

Boy. Larry never said you were
gonna give me such a hard time.

What do you want
to know about Utica?

What's it like?

Well, it's small, you know?

Maybe it's a little ugly.

But it's nice.

I can't tell you
why, but it's nice.

Don't you get bored there?

I don't know.

When you live in Utica you always
hear about New York and Chicago.

You know, making it in New
York and Chicago is making it.

But I'll tell you something.

Utica doesn't frighten people.

Do you understand what I mean?

I mean you can see all
the things here, but,

you never feel relaxed.

You never feel you
can act natural.

You never know whether the people
on the street like you or hate you.

It's strange, isn't it?

I always can't
wait to come here,

and after I'm here a few
days, I wind up missing Utica.

Listen, it's weird, you know. You miss
things that you never expect to miss.

For instance, you know
what I miss? Flies.

You know a nice place
should have a fly or two,

not all over, just this resident
couple playing in the lobby,

just to remind everybody
that they're organic.

A fly came into the place
where I work last Thursday.

And nobody knew what it was,
they hadn't seen one for so long.

It didn't have an employee
number so they killed it.

That works out perfectly.

That's four halves,
that's two whole pies.

How much should we order?

Well, how big is large?

I don't know. Well how
hungry is everybody?

You hungry, T.R.? Yeah. I
think everybody's hungry.

Well all right, then I think
we should order the two large.

Well how do we know we
can finish two large ones?

It's better to have some
left over than not enough.

Why don't we order one
large and one medium?

Well see, if we do that, then
two will get less of their choice

than the other two, I mean 'cause
we're ordering different halves.

I think we should definitely
order the two large.

Right. Ok, fine. Right? Good.

Uh, Ms.? Fine.
I'll be right there.

Ah, would you mind if I
changed my order. What?

Instead of anchovies, I'd like
to switch to green peppers.

All right, all
right, uh, let me see.

Ok. Well, that means that
Dayle and I will share a pie,

instead of T.R.

And Gary will now
share with T.R.

Now Dayle and I will have green
pepper and T.R. and Gary will have

the mushroom and sausage.

And I assume we all want
beer, right? Hear, hear!

Uh, we would like two large
pies. One all green peppers,

one mushroom and sausage.

And we want four
steins of beer.

I was just telling T.R. how
you spend $8 for a haircut.

Oh, They do more than
just cut your hair.

It's very nice.

Thank you.

I like your tie.

Oh, really?

Thanks.

Is that a Polo? Mmm-hmm.

I've been looking all over for
one of those. Where did you get it?

Frank Brothers.

Yeah. Frank Brothers
has nice stuff.

I'm going skiing
again this weekend.

Ah, I have to work.

You have to work
on a weekend? Yup.

What do you do? I'm a builder.

Do you build anything
in particular?

Mmm, small developments, you know,
apartments and shopping centers.

That's nice.

How did you become a builder?

It was easy. My father
owns the business.

Hey, my goddamn car
is finally fixed.

Oh yeah, how much
did that come to?

I don't know, the insurance company
took care of the whole thing.

I have a sports car, an XKE,

and five weeks
ago it was stolen.

Three days later, the cops
found it wrapped around a tree.

The radio was gone,
it was an AM-FM.

And the stereo. I had a
four-track stereo tape in there.

At least whoever stole
it probably likes music.

It was my fault. Should
have known better.

I never should have
parked it there.

Where? Where do you think?

I don't know. Where?

We're building an urban renewal
project on the West Side.

And I always take the
company car, always.

But this one time was a Friday
and I was going out of town.

So I thought, well,
why change cars?

Probably some junkie.

Oh, don't tell me
it was some junkie.

The company car has a
radio in it and a telephone,

but it's never
been stolen. Oh, no.

No, an Oldsmobile isn't
good enough for one of them.

Well, when you get
money for not working,

then you begin to think that
anything you want is yours.

T.R. is an absolutely
super reader.

Hmm, really? What
do you like best?

Mostly Lebanese classics.

Nice.

Would you excuse
me for a second?

I'll come with you.

I really like that tie.

And I caught that remark
about Lebanese books.

What are you giving
him a hard time for?

You know, he happens
to be absolutely loaded.

And you happen to be
acting like a blob.

I don't understand it.

What's the matter with you?

I'm talking to you.

What do you have against him?

Well, well, did you
enjoy yourselves?

Would, uh, anybody
like to smoke?

Oh. Yeah, let me see.

Hmm? Oh, yeah.

That is good stuff.

Oh, my. How do
you like it here?

It's a nice place.

No, I mean Chicago.

Oh, Chicago's a nice place.

What do you do at I.L.T.?

She's in Branch Relations.
I handle her personnel file.

I'm a B. What?

Do you like working there?

Yeah, it's pretty nice.

I'm not gonna die
of over-stimulation.

You know you, you sound like one
of those Women's Liberation people.

Why?

I don't know. Would you like
to be president of the company?

Yeah, that might be fun.

No, a woman should
get stimulation, uh.

Should get stimulation
out of a home and children.

I'm working on an
electric breast.

Anyone can wear it,
then you can stay home.

Oh, no, I wouldn't want
to work for a woman.

You don't have to, your
father owns the company,

not your mother.

Uh, when is that development
gonna be completed?

Ah, we promised April. I think
we can have it finished by then.

What's it gonna look like?

Well, you know what
those projects look like.

They all start out clean.

And then all the people
who complain about living in

rat-infested
buildings move in.

In two weeks it's dirty.

And then in two months, it looks like
the buildings that we just tore down.

Honest to God,
you know what they.

They throw their garbage
out of the windows.

I swear, I could
show you the places.

You know, I don't think these people ever
learned how to keep their homes clean.

Why don't we go somewhere
where there's some good music?

Hey, that's a good ideia.

How about McGuire's?

Oh, I'm not. I'm not really
crazy about McGuire's.

Oh? Oh, I'll go if
everyone else wants go.

What do you think, T.R.?

I think you're a schmuck.

Where do you work? I.L.T.

I.L.T.?

What do they make at I.L.T.?

I don't know. You have to be there
three years before they tell you.

Hmm. I'm with Con-Amalgamate.

What do you do? I'm in
the Catalogue Division.

You sell catalogues?

No, no, Con-Amalgamate sells all
its products through a catalogue.

Oh.

In other words, you can buy the
product in this Con-Amalgamate store

or you can order it
through the catalogue. Oh.

That's why I'm here in Chicago.
You see Chicago is the headquarters.

I'm in the Automotive
Parts section.

The Automotive Parts section
of the Catalogue Division?

Utica Branch.

I know a girl who spends
her whole day working on B's.

Eight hours a day, working
on one letter of the alphabet.

She really knows that letter.

Do you know that there's nothing
for your car that we can't sell you?

Nothing? As a matter of
fact that's why I'm here.

You see, we're
introducing a new tire.

It's a steel-belted tire.

You can't have a blowout.

That's nice.

I see you're fascinated.

No listen, I mean
it, that's nice.

I mean if you need a new tire you
can just pick up your catalogue,

and zocko! You
have your new tire.

You have a problem and
you solve it, period.

When I die, I want to die from
something that you can spot right away.

You know, like a fantastic
heart attack or drowning.

Anything but going to a hospital
and having some creep telling you

you have to take more tests.

Hmm. Well, I don't care how
I die, I just don't wanna die.

I wanna die young and neat. I
don't want to die old and sloppy.

Wait 'till you're older
and see what you say.

Like the Eskimos, you know. When you're
an old Eskimo and you can't cut it,

they just take you out in
the snow and leave you there.

It sounds cruel, but
it has it's dignity.

Nobody ever asked an old Eskimo
what they thought of all of that.

Main Floor. Lobby
and public telephones.

sit around and wait
for him to have a nap.

You don't have to wait.
We're gettin' outta here.

Try it, you can't.

* If you wanna see
your baby every night

* You gotta hang
around and smile

* 'Cause if you hang
around with a sour puss

* You just know that's
not her style, uh, uh, uh *

We must sell, sell,
sell regardless.

My friends, grab this '69 Ford
Galaxy 500 V8 two-door hardtop, fast.

Fully equipped '71 trade-in,
fully powered, vinyl roof.

The full delivered price.

he was standing
on one leg, and uh.

Yeah, right!

the Ambassador was
only slightly injured.

Most of the damage
was to one room.

But this second attack was further proof
that the Viet Cong and North Vietnamese

could strike at
will. Boy, it sure is.

That's an octopus.
See why? Yeah!

Yeah, It certainly
looks like an octopus.

Very dangerous. The teacher
talked about it in class.

Tells all about it, in
the home safety stuff.

Deputies moved into
the university area

where the disturbance began
to get out of hand last night.

Tear gas was lobbed into the melee
in an attempt to disperse the crowd.

The young men then responded
with bricks, bottles and stones.

For the University of Arizona it was
the third straight night of violence

on and near the campus. Violence growing
out of the so-called Street People's

demands that part of
the university area.

Listen, sailor, if you're floating
around in anything, it's a $6 million.

he was also a good
friend of mine.

Boy, it's really rotten
what cities do to people.

It's just wrong to make
'em look so insignificant.

I guess when you walk around down
there it's ok but, boy, from up here.

Maybe that's why everybody looks so
paranoid when they walk around here.

They know how
little they look.

Are you hot?

No, I just wanted to
see if it would open.

Why wouldn't it open?

This place where I work,
you can't open the windows.

We're hermetically sealed.
We're like instant coffee.

Well that's because of
the air-conditioning.

In your newer buildings, you open the
windows, you ruin the air-conditioning.

That's wonderful. If you open the windows
the air ruins the air-conditioning.

Hah.

It's a nice view, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah. It's pretty from a distance.
Like somebody with bad skin.

You sound like
you don't like it.

Well, I don't know.
Sometimes I enjoy it.

Oh.

Well, if it's so depressing for
you why don't you go back home?

Boy, Mister Mitchell,
you must be kidding.

Boy!

I know where I'd go.

Where? Inland Florida.

You know everybody
talks about Miami,

but inland Florida is
where it's really going on.

What's going on
in inland Florida?

A boom, that's what.

That's right. Miami is saturated,
the property values are too inflated.

But in inland Florida you
can really get your value.

What do you mean?

Eight years ago, I bought
four lots in inland Florida.

Right by a lake.
It's really pretty.

Now, there's not
much there now,

but you have to
know how to see,

what things are gonna be like
when you buy a place, right?

Absolutely.

I've been with
Con-Amalgamate for 12 years.

And I don't know whether you know
this or not, but Con-Amalgamate

happens to have the best
pension plan in the country.

I didn't know that.

For every penny you put
in, they put something in.

You know, it's not much in one week,
but the weeks and the years add up

and you retire
with a lot of money.

Do you have anything
like that where you work?

Yeah, we do have this
Medical Retirement thing,

it's really neat if you happen
to get run over by an armadillo.

Con-Amalgamate
isn't like that.

In 13 years I'll be eligible.

In 13 years I'll be able
to pay off the college,

sell the house, and
build on my land.

Nothing spectacular, but
something nice and solid,

where I can take my shoes off.

Twenty-five years.

That's a very expensive house.

It's not the house,
it's the freedom.

You can get up when you want.

You can go to
sleep when you want.

You don't owe anybody.
You know what I'd love?

I'd love to be able
to make a mistake,

and not feel like I'm
gonna get in trouble for it.

I really have
everything all planned.

Every week, a
little at a time.

I know what colors I want.

I can even tell you how much
cheaper my electric bill will be.

You don't have to
heat in Florida.

I've got it all worked out.

Have you made your
plane reservations yet?

This is Steve, I'm Joe. This
is gorgeous hair you've got.

How about a drink?
Want a drink?

Can I buy you a drink?
Let me buy you a drink.

I even said your hair.
Listen, oh, come on!

Oh, hi, T.R, how you doin'?

Oh, hi John.

This place is crazy, hey?

Heck, yeah.

So, what's the office like?

We just met tonight!
He's so tall!

I'm sorry. Oh, gosh.

Hey, Tom! What's up, John?

Where'd she go?

Who? Your friend?

Hello. Hi.

What would you like?

The Nobel Prize.

Well, uh, if they haven't got one
would you settle for some coffee?

Yeah.

Donna?

Coming.

What's your name? T.R.

Hello, T.R.

Aren't you gonna ask
me what T.R. stands for?

All right. I give up,
what does T.R. stand for?

Thelma Ritter.

You're my favorite actress.

What's your name?
Larry. Larry Moore.

What do you do?

I edit and publish children's
books for the public school systems.

What do you edit
in children's books?

I erase all the penises
from the illustrations.

What do you do?

I don't really know for sure. I
push buttons and I type things.

It's just that I'm not really
sure what I'm pushing or typing.

I mean, last week I thought I
was filling out purchasing forms

and then I got yelled at for
filling out sales forms incorrectly.

So I wanted to tell them,

"Listen, I am not
filling out sales forms."

But you don't do that where
I work. You don't talk back.

If you do somebody comes
along with a pair of pliers

and pulls your teeth
right out of your mouth.

Hmm.

Do you have any brothers?

Yes, I used to have two, but my
mother made me give them away.

Why'd she do that?
They were very messy.

- What's your mother's name anyway?
- Margaret, why?

For a second I thought
we had the same mother.

My father is a very nice
man but he's very short.

What's so bad about that?

Nothing, it's just I'm not wild
about being taller than my father

and he's not crazy about
being shorter than me.

Well, how short is he?
Well, when he stands up.

His feet don't
touch. the ground.

Let's go to my place and I'll show
you my unedited children's books.

Does it talk? I'm not setting
foot in this thing if it talks.

Never said a word to me.

Would you like a drink?

No, thank you, not right now.

You play tennis?

No, but I bowl a lot.

You bowl?

You like bowling?

I'm not really crazy about
bowling, I just love the shirts.

What's this?

Oh.

I was a lieutenant.

Those are three
men in my platoon.

We swore that everyone
that got out alive

would get together once a
year, just to keep in touch.

You don't look like
you were in the army.

Well, I was. Really?

Yeah.

Our side?

You shouldn't
make fun of a vet.

Where were you?

Oh, Fort Dix, New Jersey.

Are they yours?

Yep.

How come they're on your
wall instead of in your house?

I don't know.

Yes, you do.

Yes, I do.

Well, it's because
their mother and I

could not look at
each other too closely

for an extended
length of time.

Either she's crazy
or you wet your bed.

Well, a little bit of both.

See, she would yell at me if I
broke my leg because she was upset.

I can understand
her being upset,

but after all, it was my
goddamn leg that was broken.

And on the other hand,
I do use rubber sheets.

What about you?

What do you mean?

Umm.

What do you want?

Where are you going,
you know all those things

you put on the applications,
what about them?

I don't know if
they're so important.

I just wish everybody
else didn't look like

they knew exactly
where they were going.

I try to fit in, you
know, I really do.

It's just that, I can't
help thinking that what

everybody's trying to
fit into is a lot of crap.

I don't know if I'm
making myself clear or not.

But do you know what scares me more
than anything else in the world?

I'm afraid that if you
keep on getting disappointed

you wind up expecting less.

When I was a kid,

I was this, uh, baseball
card nut you know.

This, you know,
the ones that come

with little slabs of bubble
gum that taste like cardboard?

Yeah, well, I was
crazy about them,

and I collected them,

I traded them,

I stole them, I hoarded them.

My wall was this
baseball card mosaic.

And I used to look at

the wall like a priest looks
at stained glass windows.

And all the players had those great
blank determined looks on their faces,

you know, kind, honest helping-old-lady
- across-the-street faces.

Well, I really loved baseball
and I loved loving it.

Then, one day I grew up,

not voluntarily mind you, I just wound
up in a tweed jacket in a box seat.

And, well, you know, baseball
players are not very smart.

They read comic books

and they cheat on their
wives, they're takers,

and they're really just as
rotten as everybody else.

Maybe a little worse.

Anyway, it was a lot more fun
worshipping baseball cards.

And I expected my wife

to be like this
Dial soap commercial,

with her head tilted back in the
shower all smiling and squeaky clean.

And she wound up worrying
about her maid being unreliable.

I guess it all depends on
how disappointed you get,

but at one point something
goes click and, uh.

You know, the goddamn phone
is busy every time you call

so after a while you just
stop calling, that's all.

I don't know what the
hell I'm talking about.

Do you, uh,

do you want a drink?

Ah, I do.

Turn around.

What?

Turn around.

now sometimes
where bright people

like photographer
Jack Dickingcuff

win Pulitzers because
they live with their job.

Reach for the sky!

takes 'em inside,
right, Jack? Excuse me.

Really, it's just an overwhelming
feeling that you, uh, after shooting, uh,

was wrapped up
for the first day,

I would say I had quite a
bit of difficulty sleeping,

I was just thinking about
the memories, the smells.

Say, Jack Mitchell.

for bright readers like you.

I'm your bright
friend on the radio.

What do you think about when
you're selling your tires?

What do you mean?
Well, I mean,

you ever think about
setting your place on fire

or writing "I love you" on
the inside of one of the tires?

What for?

I don't know. Just to be
able to think about some guy

on the highway changing his
flat and seeing your note.

No, I never thought
of doing that.

Just sell the old tires and
buy the house in Florida, huh?

Well, I'm not such a big man.

And you know that.

Hey, T.R, you won't tell Larry
about what happened, will you?

Who the hell is Larry?

Do you think Nixon really
goes to bed with his wife?

I mean, do you think they
really take off their clothes

and do it in White House sheets
with the official seal on the pillow?

I would love it. I would love
it if the whole Grand Old Party

were doing it at this very
moment with their wives.

No.

In the first place,
they're probably all asleep,

and secondly their wives never take
off those little pearl earrings,

you know those little pearl
earrings that they wear?

It's impossible to
do it with anybody

when they're wearing those
little pearl earrings.

Anyway,

politicians do not screw, they screw
up, there's a difference you know.

Whenever I lie on my back in bed
I think of a lot of strange things.

Like what?

Like diapering
Winston Churchill.

What?

Yeah. Someone used to diaper
Winston Churchill you know.

I thought he was
toilet-trained.

I'm serious. Winston Churchill
started out a baby like everybody else.

Don't you ever think
of things like that?

I mean somebody actually used
to change Adolf Hitler's diaper.

No. Somebody actually forgot
to change Adolf Hitler's diaper.

I was gonna say Gandhi, but Gandhi
looks like he always wore diapers,

so he probably
changed himself.

Listen, do you have any other
little poignant observations

that come to you while
you're looking at my ceiling?

Do you think I'm
weird? Yes, madam, I do.

Didn't anybody ever tell you
that you talk like a typewriter?

Frankly no.

Well you do.

Any particular brand?

Yeah. One of those older black
tweedy ones with the skinny keys.

Oh, yeah, one of those.

Some people say things that sound like
they're written in longhand, you know?

Cab drivers sound smudgy, like
this blunt pencil and then I used

to have a grandmother who screeched
like chalk on a blackboard.

You, however, talk
like a typewriter.

Hmm.

What do you sound like?

I think a laundry marker.

How long have you
felt like that?

I don't know, what time is it?

Why don't you
just lie back and,

you know, you can
tell me all about it.

I am lying back.

That's right. You are.

Mmm.

What are you thinking about?

Nothing in particular.

It was a nice night.

Yeah, it really was.

Would you mind very much
if I didn't see you home?

'Course not. I'm
allowed to cross streets.

You're really, uh, all right.

You're not so bad yourself.

Just, a little somethin'
for your carfare.

What?

You know, your carfare.

What?

Now, wait a minute.

Hey, listen, what the
hell's the matter with you?

Hey! Where the
hell are you going?

Jesus Christ!

Twenty-third floor.

Actuarial Services
and Branch Relations.

Testing.

Umm.

You're probably all wondering
why I've invited you here.

I'd like to bring your
attention to Mr. Walter Freebish.

Walter Freebish is in the F's.

Hello, Walter.

I just wanted you to know
how very much we appreciate

the magnificent work
that you've done here.

Twenty-four years at it.

Magnificent.

Listen, old buddy, umm.

We're going to be
re-deploying our manpower,

as they say,

and we're going to have
to fire all the F's.

You understand, Freebish.

It all depends on how
disappointed you get.

But after a certain point,
something goes click.

Do you know what
I mean, Freebish?

Click.

- Anything for me?
- What's your name?

Occupant.

Operator?

I would like to make a collect
call to Findlay, Ohio, please.

The number is 241-3601,

area code 419.

T.R. Baskin.

Uh-uh, Operator, T.R.

"T" as in traffic accident.

Yeah, that's right. Thank you.

Mom?

Hi, Mom!

Nothing, I just called
to see how you were.

How are you?

No, really, nothing's wrong,

I just wanted to
see how you were.

No, I know, I'm sorry,
it's really early.

No, really, I swear to you
nothing's the matter at all. I just.

I'm really sorry, I didn't
mean to make you worry.

I'm sorry. I I.

No, listen, I didn't
mean to wake you.

I'm really fine,
nothing's wrong at all.

Listen, Mom, how's Dad anyway?

How is he? Oh, Ma, would you
please. Don't wake him up.

Please don't wake him up, Mom.

Would Would you
please not wake him up?

Hi, Dad!

Oh, no, I'm fine. How are you?

No, listen, I'm not. She
lied, Dad, I'm not in trouble.

I know, I didn't mean to wake
you up, it's really early.

Oh, I didn't mean
to call so early.

I'm Mom.

Mom?

I'm sorry.

Oh, that's in the newspapers,
Mom, I don't live there.

God, Mom, what do you think
I am, some pregnant junkie?

I'm sorry, Mom. Yeah, I know.

Oh, Mom! What do
you want me to do?

I'm gonna hire some skywriter

and then the whole air over Findlay
will be full of my apologies.

What do you. I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

You know you can never mistake
a Sunday for anything else.

I mean sometimes a Tuesday can
feel like a Sunday, you know?

But Sunday is always Sunday.

I think I hate Sunday.

Makes me feel like I
haven't done my homework.

Today's not bad
though, you know.

I mean.

Even for a Sunday it
hasn't been a bad day.

You know something?

You're really kind of sweet.

You really are.

You don't want to
be, but you are.

Do you mind if I
ask you a question?

I'd mind if you asked me
anything else besides a question.

Are you happy?

I don't spend a lot of time
wondering whether I am or not.

But are you?

I'm ecstatic.

No, I'm serious.

Well, you shouldn't
be, you know.

Things don't work out too
well when you're serious.

I don't understand that.

That's ok, neither do I.

Well?

Well, what?

Answer me.

Answer you.

What's a nice
girl like me doing

with the Automotive Parts
section, Utica Branch, right?

Right.

Because I got tired of looking
at bra ads in the newspaper?

That's not good enough.

Well, I'll bet you one
thing, Mr. Mitchell.

I'll bet you've got some pictures
of your family in your wallet.

And I'll bet your son
has a clip-on bow tie,

and a crew cut and a
plaid sports jacket.

And your daughter has a
pigtail-smile on her face,

and your wife is standing
faithfully in the driveway.

You've got this whole Betty Crocker
Cake Mix all crinkled up in your pocket,

and you wind up prowling
around a hotel room in Chicago.

You're trying to be
kind and compassionate,

and understanding,

not to mention tender,

but maybe you should worry about why
you're here, Mr. Mitchell, instead of me.

I have to go now.

Can't you stay a
little longer? No.

Well, can I see you home?

No. I'm allowed to
cross streets, you know.

Well.

Well, uh.

Well, thank you.

It was nice.

I'm glad I met you.

No, I really
mean that and, uh,

I hope you find what you want.

Thank you.

I'm really glad I met you too.

And I hope you get your house.

I wish.

Mmm.

You know what I wish.