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46s. WHERE ARE THEY?

MIDDLE.

HERE.

COME ON. HELP ME, WILL YA?

YOU HAVEN'T GOT WHAT I WANT,

AND I'M GIVING A PARTY TONIGHT.

I WOULDN'T WANT WHAT SHE'S GOT EITHER.

I THOUGHT I'D NEVER GET HER OUT OF THAT LAST ONE.

I WAS ALL READY TO CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.

THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE ASKING FOR A 38.

I COULD'VE GOTTEN HER INTO IT,

BUT I WAS AFRAID HER EYES WOULD POP OUT.

WELL, YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING, HONEY--

GRIN AND MAKE THE BEST OF IT.

THE BEST OF WHAT?

THERE.

WELL, MAYBE THIS WOULD PLEASE YOU

IN PLUM AND BROWN DOESKIN.

HAVEN'T YOU SOMETHING MORE COLORFUL?

SOMETHING WITH A ZEST?

OH, MY DEAR. HERE ALL THE TIME.

PERFECT WITH YOUR COSTUME

AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL BRACELET.

JADE. SHANGHAI. I KNEW IT.

YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL THE REAL THING.

WON'T YOU SLIP THEM ON?

I'M JUST LOOKING. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THAT'S ME 10 YEARS FROM NOW.

HELLO, MISS PURDY.

THAT'S ME 30 YEARS FROM NOW,

TRYING TO MAKE THE BEST OF IT.

OH, I WISH THEY'D JUST THROW A SHOVEL FULL OF DIRT

IN MY FACE AND GET IT OVER WITH.

KID, YOU REALLY GOT THE DUMPS.

I GUESS WE WERE JUST BORN ON THE WRONG SIDE

OF THE COUNTER, PEG.

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.

ALL THE THINGS YOU WANT AND YOU CAN'T HAVE, WHY--

THERE GOES PINK CHAMPAGNE.

I'D GIVE MY RIGHT ARM

TO STOW AWAY IN ONE OF THOSE THINGS

AND GO PLACES.

COULD I WEAR THAT

WITH THOSE RHINESTONE SLIPPERS,

AN EMERALD BUTTERFLY IN MY HAIR,

AND THE MOST GORGEOUS RINGS ON MY FINGERS.

OH, PARDON ME, MADAM. GOOD AFTERNOON.

WELL, IT'S CERTAINLY A HOT ONE,

TOO HOT TO GET INTO ONE OF THESE THINGS.

I HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING FOR THIS EVENING.

SHALL WE SEND THEM, MRS. WORTHINGTON?

OH, NO. JUST PUT THEM HERE, CHILD.

MY CHAUFFEUR WILL TAKE THEM.

YES, MRS. WORTHINGTON.

IS OUR MISS MILLER TAKING CARE OF YOU?

THANK YOU.

THAT'S FINE.

WHAT SIZE WOULD YOU LIKE, MRS. WORTHINGTON?

WELL, I'D LIKE A 28, BUT I TAKE A 34.

WON'T YOU STEP INTO OUR FITTING ROOM,

MRS. WORTHINGTON?

DAINTY MISS IS OUR LATEST THING.

YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW YOU GOT IT ON.

YOU'RE QUITE AN OPTIMIST, MY DEAR.

RIGHT IN THERE.

MRS. WORTHINGTON IN THIS DEPARTMENT?

NOBODY BY THAT NAME WORKING HERE.

OH, SHE'S A CUSTOMER.

OH, I'M SORRY, SIR. PARDON ME.

RIGHT IN THERE.

IN THAT FITTING ROOM, SIR.

NOW THANK YOU.

MAY?

WARREN?

YES, I--I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU. DREADFUL NEWS.

I MIGHT EVEN SAY FRIGHTFUL NEWS.

ABOUT THE PARTY?

MOSTLY ABOUT LILLIAN. SHE IS NO MORE.

WHAT? SICK?

WITH LOVE. I JUST PHONED HOME.

SHE GOT MARRIED EARLY THIS MORNING

AND IS NOW EN ROUTE TO A HONEYMOON NEST

IN THE CATSKILLS.

I KNEW IT WAS COMING.

HOW DOES THIS LOOK?

I'LL TAKE IT. I WON'T TRY IT ON.

I NEED A SLIP, TOO.

YES, MADAM. RIGHT AWAY.

OH, SORRY.

WELL, WE SHALL HAVE TO MANAGE SOMEHOW.

WHO WAS THAT?

THE SALESGIRL, OF COURSE. WHO'D YOU THINK IT WAS--

BRENDA FRAZIER?

THERE IS NOT A NOTICEABLE DIFFERENCE.

NOW, WARREN, LET'S NOT GO OFF THE DEEP END.

THERE IS A TRULY BEAUTIFUL CREATURE.

HERE'S JUST THE THING.

YOU MAY BE RIGHT.

OH, I'M SURE,

BUT I WOULDN'T THINK TWICE ABOUT IT.

OH, YOU SHOULDN'T.

DID YOU FIND WHAT YOU WANTED?

FOR MYSELF, YES.

BUT I MUST PICK UP SOME THINGS FOR MY NIECE.

WE'RE HAVING A PARTY TONIGHT.

SHE'LL BE COMING IN AT THE LAST MOMENT,

AND I DON'T TRUST THE CLOTHES SHE'S BRINGING.

SHE'S 17. HA HA HA! YOU KNOW.

HOW EXTRAORDINARY. I SHOULD SAY

THAT THIS YOUNG LADY IS EXACTLY HER SIZE.

I'M A 14.

BUT EXACTLY.

NOW WE NEED SOMETHING SUMMERY.

A PARTY GOWN.

DO YOU THINK SHE'D LIKE THIS WISPY THING?

OH, SHE'D LOVE IT, I'M SURE.

WE'LL ALSO NEED HOSE AND SLIPPERS

AND, OH, EVERYTHING UNDERNEATH.

I WISH I HAD A NEPHEW INSTEAD.

IF SHE'S THE EXACT SIZE,

WE CAN MEASURE EVERYTHING ELSE ON HER.

SHE'S JUST RIGHT.

OH, I'M SURE EVERYTHING WILL FIT,

BUT I KNOW SO LITTLE ABOUT YOUNG GIRLS' THINGS.

COULDN'T MISS--

OH, OF COURSE, MRS. WORTHINGTON.

WE'LL SEND MISS MILLER ALONG WITH YOU

TO HELP OUT AND SEE THAT EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.

HOW NICE.

I HATE TO INTERFERE WITH YOUR EVENING.

OH, IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT, QUITE ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GO GET THE LINGERIE.

OH, PEGGY, PINCH ME.

I'VE GOT MY CHANCE TO PEEK AT WHAT IT'S LIKE

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTER.

IS THAT YOU, SUSIE?

WHERE YA BEEN ALL NIGHT?

OH, PEGGY, I HAD THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? I WAS AT MRS. WORTHINGTON'S PARTY.

WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED?

OH, I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN THE MORNING.

RIGHT NOW, I JUST WANT TO DREAM.

MISS MILLER?

WHAT IS IT?

A MAN HERE HAS AN ENVELOPE.

SAYS HE WANTS TO GIVE IT TO YOU PERSONALLY.

GOOD MORNING. MISS MILLER?

YES?

FROM MRS. WORTHINGTON.

THANK YOU.

A $100 BILL!

$100.

WHAT FOR?

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY DEAR. MRS. MAYBELLE WORTHINGTON."

ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?

HEY, THIS ISN'T MY BIRTHDAY.

HEY, MISTER!

OH, HE'S GONE. I GOTTA GIVE IT BACK.

THIS ISN'T MY BIRTHDAY.

I'D MAKE IT MY BIRTHDAY.

LET ME JUST HOLD IT.

AIN'T IT SMOOTH?

I'M GOING RIGHT OVER AND GIVE IT BACK.

DON'T YOU THINK YOU OUGHT TO THINK IT OVER?

I DON'T THINK YOU OUGHT TO RUSH RIGHT BACK WITH IT.

I DON'T SEE ANY REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T.

OH, I CAN THINK OF A HUNDRED REASONS!

TALLY-HO, TALLY-HO.

AH, THE ALL-AMERICAN BOY.

NOTHING LIKE A BRISK CANTER

IN THE MORNING.

I FEEL WONDERFUL.

HOW DOES THE HORSE FEEL?

MR. CLAYTON WENT ALONG.

WE HAD A MOST SATISFACTORY BREAKFAST

AT THE HUNT CLUB.

WHAT KIPPERS!

BEG YOUR PARDON, MADAM.

A MISS MILLER WISHES TO SEE YOU.

GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING, MRS. WORTHINGTON.

I DON'T LIKE TO INTERRUPT--

OH, NONSENSE. IT'S A DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE.

WELL, I JUST DROPPED IN. I CAN'T STAY VERY LONG.

WE'VE GOT INVENTORY TODAY.

OH, WHAT FUN!

SUGAR?

2 PIECES, PLEASE.

YOU MEAN LUMPS, DON'T YOU, DEAR?

IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU, MRS. WORTHINGTON,

BUT IT ISN'T MY BIRTHDAY.

IT ISN'T? OH, THAT'S PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT, DEAR.

YOU JUST KEEP IT UNTIL IT IS.

IT'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

OH, I COULDN'T DO THAT.

WHY, YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN TOO GENEROUS,

WHAT WITH THE SHOES AND THE DRESS AND EVERYTHING.

YOU HARDLY EVEN KNOW ME.

KEEP IT, DEAR.

I'LL FEEL BADLY IF YOU DON'T.

WELL, HAVE A SCONE.

YOU'LL FIND THEY'RE EXCELLENT WITH BUTTER.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

LITTLE FINGER OUT, DEAR.

YOU TURNED A WAKE INTO A FESTIVAL LAST NIGHT.

YOU MADE ALL THE COLUMNS.

I DID? GEE!

NEVER "GEE," DARLING.

IT'S "HOW AMUSING" IN THE BEST CIRCLES.

WELL, I'M NOT IN THEM.

YOU MAY BE. WALK ACROSS THE ROOM, DEAR.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WALK, WALK, WALK.

OH, COME, COME. YOU DID BETTER THAN THAT LAST NIGHT.

SHOULDERS BACK.

DO YOU LIKE TO TRAVEL?

TRAVEL?

WELL, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO.

WE'RE FOND OF TRAVELING OURSELVES.

CHRISTMAS IN BUENOS AIRES.

JANUARY IN FLORIDA.

AND WE LIKE HUNTING, TOO.

SABLES IN LAKE PLACID.

YACHTS IN CALIFORNIA.

DIAMONDS IN JOHANNESBURG.

I MAY BE A LITTLE STUPID,

BUT I DON'T GET ANY OF THIS.

YOU WILL, DEAR,

IF YOU FOLLOW OUR INSTRUCTIONS.

KEEP ON WALKING, DEAR. KEEP ON WALKING.

YOU MUST LEARN TO DO IT WITH YOUR NOSE IN THE AIR

AS IF YOU SMELL SOMETHING BURNING.

THERE ARE BOUND TO BE A FEW ROUGH EDGES.

ALL THAT'S NEEDED IS THE POLISH AND THE SETTING.

STOMACH IN, CHILD.

SAY, ARE YOU REALLY MILLIONAIRES?

WHY?

WELL, THERE SEEMS TO BE SOMETHING MISSING.

JUST THE MILLIONS,

AND THEY CAN'T RULE YOU OUT FOR A TECHNICALITY.

YOU SEE, NATURE PLAYED A LITTLE TRICK ON US.

WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN BORN WITH BLUE BLOOD.

SO WE HAVE DEVOTED OUR ENTIRE LIFE

TO CORRECTING THIS BIOLOGICAL ERROR.

BUT WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU'RE NOT--

WHAT ARE YOU?

WELL, WE'RE SORT OF AN EXCESS PROFITS TAX.

TO CRITICIZE US WOULD BE UN-AMERICAN.

WE ARE MERELY BEES

THAT TAKE A LITTLE NECTAR

FROM THE FLOWERS THAT HAVE SO MUCH,

AND YOU, TOO, CAN HAVE SOME.

WELL, I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE.

MY DEAR! MY DEAR!

WHAT HAVE WE SAID?

YOU'VE SAID ENOUGH.

I'VE GOT AN HONEST JOB, AND I'M STICKING--

YOU DON'T THINK FOR ONE MOMENT

THAT WE'D GO AROUND

DELIBERATELY BREAKING LAWS?

WHY, YOU DON'T BELIEVE WE'D ASK YOU TO DO ANYTHING WRONG?

WELL, THEN, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

WHAT DOES THE WORLD WANT FROM A ROSE?

MY DEAR, IN THESE UGLY TIMES,

MERE BEAUTY ALONE ACHIEVES A GREAT DEAL.

NOW YOUR ROLE IS JUST TO BE BEAUTIFUL

AND UNOBTAINABLE.

NOTHING ELSE. THE QUEEN BEE.

WHO'S THAT?

PAGING MR. WHEELER!

PAGING MR. WHEELER!

PAGING MR. WHEELER!

OH, I FEEL PALE AND UNINTERESTING.

PALE? YOU LOOK LIKE A CHOCOLATE SUNDAE.

I WISH OUR BANKROLL WERE HALF AS HEALTHY AS YOU ARE.

OH, DON'T WORRY. YOU'LL FIND SOMEBODY.

PAGING MR. WHEELER!

YOU ALWAYS DO.

NOT OUT HERE.

UNDRESSED, ALL MEN LOOK ALIKE FINANCIALLY.

PAGING MR. WHEELER!

WHEELER. OVER HERE, BOY.

THERE'S A NICE YOUNG MAN.

HE'S VERY WHITE.

LOOKS AS IF HE'D BEEN INSIDE MAKING MONEY.

YES, HE HAS THAT WALL STREET TAN.

RIGHT HERE, SIR.

DON'T TOUCH IT.

DRY YOUR HANDS FIRST.

SOMETIMES YOU CAN GET A SHOCK.

WHEN YOU'RE WET, YOU'RE A GOOD CONDUCTOR.

THANKS VERY MUCH.

HELLO? YES, PUT HIM ON.

MR. McKAY.

YES, I SAW YOUR BOAT JUST NOW.

I SWAM OUT AND TOOK A LOOK AT HER.

I'M AFRAID IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT.

I NEED A TOUGH, SEAGOING YACHT.

YOU GOT ANYTHING ELSE?

SOMETHING WITH NICE TRIM LINES.

WHAT'S THAT? A KETCH, HUH?

THE AURORA?

SPRUCE MAST. YES, I SEE HER.

I LIKE HER TOPSIDES. GOOD SHEAR.

YES, NICE AND TRIM.

SMOOTH AND GRACEFUL.

WHAT'S THAT?

OH, SORRY, YES.

THE OVERHANG, YES. IT'S JUST ABOUT RIGHT

FOR SPEED AND STABILITY.

HAS A SLENDER STERN, HASN'T SHE?

WHAT ARE HER DIMENSIONS?

54-9 OVERALL.

14 TON. SHE DOESN'T LOOK IT.

WHAT ABOUT HER ANKLES-- UH, ANCHOR--ANCHORS?

WHAT'S HER MAINMAST?

61 TRUCK TO KEELS.

LENGTH IN WATERLINE--38.

ALL RIGHT. FINE. I WILL.

WOULDN'T YOU LIKE A PENCIL AND PAPER?

NO, THANKS. I'LL REMEMBER THEM.

YOU WILL?

THANKS AGAIN FOR SAVING MY LIFE.

OH, NOT AT ALL.

LIFESAVING'S AN OLD TRADITION

AMONG US SAILORS.

OH, WE CAN'T BE CALLED SAILORS

JUST YET, MOTHER.

YOU SEE, WE'RE BUYING A BOAT, TOO.

YOU ARE? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

SCHOONER? KETCH? CLASS-DESIGN SLOOP?

THAT'S WHY WE'LL NEVER GET AROUND TO IT.

WE CAN'T TELL A JIB FROM A GIBLET.

WELL, IF I CAN BE OF ANY SERVICE,

MY NAME'S JOHN WHEELER.

WHEELER? DON'T WE KNOW EACH OTHER

FROM SOMEPLACE?

YOU PROBABLY MET AT THE DANCE LAST NIGHT.

OF COURSE!

I JUST CAME IN THIS MORNING.

OH. WELL, WE'RE THE WORTHINGTONS.

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER. HOW DO YOU DO?

HOW DO YOU DO?

WHEELER, WHEELER.

YOU AREN'T ONE OF THE BEDFORD WHEELERS?

THEY WERE FOREVER GOING DOWN TO THE SEA IN SHIPS.

NO. FINANCIAL FIELD, NEW YORK.

OH, BANKING?

OH, MOSTLY TRUST FUNDS, INVESTMENTS.

OH, HOW NICE.

I SUPPOSE THEY KEEP YOU VERY BUSY, DON'T THEY?

NOT ANYMORE.

RETIRED?

WELL, FOR A WHILE, ANYWAY.

WELL! WELL, IF WE'RE GONNA SIT HERE

THINKING ABOUT WHERE WE MET YOU,

WE'LL NEED SOME NOURISHMENT.

WON'T YOU JOIN US?

THAT'S VERY KIND, BUT AT THE MOMENT,

I WANT TO SWIM OUT TO THAT MOORING

AND TAKE A LOOK AT THAT KETCH

THEY'RE TRYING TO SELL ME.

I WANT TO RECHECK THE DIMENSIONS.

WHAT DO YOU DO? SWIM OUT

WITH A TAPE MEASURE IN YOUR MOUTH?

IT'S JUST SIMPLE MATHEMATICS.

YOU SEE, WHEN YOU KNOW THE HEIGHT OF THE MAST--

I'LL BE BORING YOU.

IT'S NOT BORING AT ALL. IT'S AMAZING.

HOW DO YOU DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR HEAD LIKE THAT?

YES, HOW DO YOU EVER?

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT MATHEMATICS

HAS BEEN MY BUSINESS FOR SO LONG,

IT'S BECOME SORT OF A-B-C.

THAT'S AN ODD COMBINATION,

MR. WHEELER.

A DRY THING LIKE MATHEMATICS

AND A ROMANTIC THING LIKE BOATS.

OH, THEY'RE INSEPARABLE, REALLY.

WITHOUT MATHEMATICS, YOU--YOU COULDN'T NAVIGATE.

COULD JUST HARDLY TAKE THE HARBOR OUT OF THE BOAT.

WELL, I WANT TO GET OUT TO THAT MOORING.

LINDA, WHY DON'T YOU GO ALONG, DEAR?

THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING WE'D LIKE.

YES, YOU'RE WELCOME TO.

ALL RIGHT.

I WANT TO WATCH THIS MATHEMATICAL BUSINESS.

LINDA,

BE CAREFUL, DEAR.

DON'T OVEREXERT YOURSELF.

GO SLOWLY AT FIRST.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER.

UH, MR. WARREN WORTHINGTON, PLEASE.

WARREN, I THINK WE HAVE JUST WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

HE WANTS A YACHT WITH LOTS OF PRETTY SAILS.

SORT OF A ROMANTIC DOPE.

OH, AND ONE THING MORE.

DON'T TRY TO SHORTCHANGE HIM.

THIS ONE CAN COUNT.

I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME, MR. WHEELER.

IT GIVES ONE SUCH A SENSE OF SECURITY

HAVING A SEAFARING MAN ALONG.

THIS CAPTAIN BEASLEY

MAY HAVE SOMETHING WE'D LIKE.

THERE IT IS!

THE SCHEHERAZADE.

OH, IT'S RIGHT OUT OF THE ARABIAN NIGHTS.

ISN'T IT WONDERFUL, MOTHER?

DON'T YOU THINK SO, MR. WHEELER?

THERE MUST BE BETTER WORDS THAN "WONDERFUL."

YOU SEE? AND HE KNOWS BOATS.

OH, THIS WOULDN'T DO FOR US AT ALL.

WHY, IT'S A SAILBOAT.

OH, COME ON, LET'S LOOK AT.

HER. OH, HER.

I ALWAYS HAVE TROUBLE WITH THE SEX OF BOATS AND TRAINS.

HOWDY, HOWDY, HOWDY!

CAPTAIN BEASLEY?

ALWAYS HAVE BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE.

WE'D LIKE TO LOOK HER OVER, IF WE MAY.

WE'RE THE WORTHINGTONS--

OH, YES, YES.

AND MR. WHEELER.

OH, HOWDY.

WHY, YOU'RE ALL MIGHTY WELCOME.

YOU KNOW, THINGS COULD BE MORE SHIPSHAPE,

BUT THERE'S SO MUCH TO KEEP ME HOPPING

AND I'VE ONLY GOT ONE LEG TO DO IT ON.

SHE MAKES YOU WANT TO GO TO SEA.

TO HARPOON WHALES OR CATCH PIRATES.

HE COULD BUY THE QUEEN MARY

IN THE LENGTH OF TIME HE'S TAKING.

WELL, IT'S DONE.

WELL, HERE'S YOUR PAPERS AND YOUR RECEIPT

FROM CONSOLIDATED, CAPTAIN WHEELER.

OH, YOU NEEDN'T WORRY ABOUT THE FEDERAL OK.

I'LL TAKE HER OVER TO THE CUSTOMS HOUSE.

THANKS. SO I MADE OUT A CASHIER'S CHECK

FOR 15,000 EVEN.

I MADE THE RECEIPT OUT FOR THAT AMOUNT.

YOU'VE GOT 500 CHANGE COMING.

I'LL RUN OVER TO CONSOLIDATED

AND GET YOUR CHANGE AND BRING BACK MR. BLANCHARD.

HE HAS TO OK EVERYTHING.

OH, I WON'T BE A SECOND. MY PUTT-PUTT'S HANDY.

OH, THERE'S SOME BEER IN THE ICEBOX.

MAKE YOURSELVES TO HOME.

COME ON, MOTHER. LET'S HAVE ANOTHER TRIP AROUND.

NO, THANK YOU, DEAR.

THIS IS A BIG OCCASION.

MY FEET DON'T KNOW IT.

YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN ABOUT TO BURST WITH JOY.

I AM.

HOW DOES IT FEEL WHEN YOU GET SOMETHING

YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED?

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DESCRIBE IT.

IT'S--I DON'T KNOW-- IT'S LIKE SUNDAY.

YEAH, THAT'S IT.

AND I'M GONNA FEEL LIKE THAT 7 DAYS A WEEK.

FROM NOW ON, EVERY DAY'S GONNA BE SUNDAY.

IT SOUNDS PRETTY NICE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK WE'RE GONNA

GET A BREAK IN THE WEATHER.

BY FRIDAY, WE MIGHT HAVE A NICE LITTLE STORM

TO TRY HER OUT IN.

STORM? YOU WOULDN'T GO OUT IN A STORM.

SURE. OH, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE IT.

WAIT TILL IT HAPPENS TO YOU.

THE WIND WHISTLING IN THE RIGGINGS,

ALL HELL BREAKING LOOSE IN THE SKY,

WAVES CRASHING DOWN. YOU GOTTA FIGHT

TO KEEP FROM GOING OVERBOARD.

YOU HANG ONTO THE WHEEL.

YOU CAN'T BREATHE, YOU CAN'T SEE.

THE SALT BLINDS YOU.

THEN, FINALLY, YOU LIMP HOME

BLACK AND BLUE AND YOU ACHE ALL OVER.

I TELL YOU, IT'S WONDERFUL.

WHAT'S ALL THIS MESS? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

AND YOU CLEAN UP THOSE BEER BOTTLES.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, LOVER'S LANE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WAIT A MINUTE. THIS IS MY SHIP.

THERE'S SOME MISTAKE. YOU'RE ON THE WRONG BOAT.

OH, A WISEACRE, HUH?

SHALL I CALL THE POLICE, HARVEY?

SHALL I, HARVEY?

LOOK, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

WHO ARE THESE LOUD PEOPLE?

CALL THE POLICE, HARVEY.

CALL THE POLICE.

THIS IS ALL VERY SILLY.

MR. WHEELER JUST BOUGHT THIS BOAT.

HE HAS THE PAPERS IN HIS POCKET.

HE BOUGHT THIS BOAT?

FROM CAPTAIN BEASLEY OF CONSOLIDATED.

I AM CAPTAIN BEASLEY.

THESE ARE A FAKE.

I'LL SHOW YOU THE REAL PAPERS.

I'LL GET THE PAPERS, HARVEY.

I'LL GET THE PAPERS.

I OWN THIS SHIP, AND YOU'VE BEEN SWINDLED,

YOUNG FELLOW.

SWINDLED? YEAH.

SWINDLED?!

PHONY.

WHY, IT'S BARBAROUS.

WE STARTED TO BUY THAT BOAT OURSELVES.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO CATCH HIM

WHILE HE'S STILL GOT THE MONEY?

CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN.

HE OUGHT TO BE EASY ENOUGH TO FIND.

HE'S A MAN WITH A LIMP.

SAM, GET THIS DESCRIPTION.

IT'S HIS RIGHT LEG THAT'S LAME.

OH, NO, IT'S HIS LEFT, ISN'T IT?

NO, NO, IT'S HIS RIGHT. REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS

WALKING AWAY FROM US?

YES, IT WAS. IT WAS WHEN HE WAS COMING TOWARDS YOU

THAT IT WAS HIS LEFT.

SO HE LIMPS.

YES, AND HE'S VERY TALL. ABOUT 6'3".

I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS MUCH TALLER THAN YOU.

HE HAS BIG, BLACK EYEBROWS.

SORT OF BROWNISH.

SLIGHTLY BALD AND--

ALL RIGHT!

ALL RIGHT. NOW, SAM, YOU SEND OUT

THIS DESCRIPTION--

HE'S A TALL SHORT MAN

WITH A BALD BUSHY HEAD OF HAIR.

HE HAS BROWN BLACK EYEBROWS,

AND HE LIMPS ON BOTH LEGS.

THANK YOU, LADIES.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU'LL DO YOUR BEST, WON'T YOU, CAPTAIN?

OH, SURELY. THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.

HMM. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OH, WOULD YOU MIND VERY MUCH, MR. WHEELER,

IF WE RAN ALONG?

IT'S PAST 5:00. UNCLE WARREN'S PLANE GOT IN AT 4:00.

HE WON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENED TO US.

I'LL STAY IF I CAN BE OF ANY HELP.

NO, THANKS. I'VE ALREADY RUINED YOUR AFTERNOON.

I'M SORRY IT HAD TO TURN OUT LIKE THIS.

IT WASN'T THE MONEY.

IT'S JUST THAT SHE WAS SO LOVELY.

WELL, SHE'S NOT THE ONLY BOAT IN THE WORLD.

COME ALONG, LINDA.

COULD I TELEPHONE YOU TONIGHT AT THE HOTEL?

I WISH YOU WOULD.

WE MAY NOT BE THERE, DEAR.

UNCLE WARREN MAY WANT TO FLY TO FLORIDA.

YOU KNOW HOW HE IS.

WELL, IF WE'RE NOT AT THE HOTEL,

WE'LL BE STAYING ON HIS ISLAND.

WHEN YOU GET ANOTHER BOAT, DROP IN.

THANKS.

WE'LL MEET AGAIN. WE'RE IN AND OUT OF NEW YORK.

GOOD-BYE, MR. WHEELER.

WELL, I GUESS WE WON'T SEE EACH OTHER

FOR A WHILE, WILL WE?

NO, I GUESS WE WON'T.

I GUESS WE WON'T.

OH, I'M SORRY, I--

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK

THAT I'M IN THE HABIT OF--

I WOULDN'T THINK ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

THANKS.

WELL, GOOD-BYE, MR. WHEELER.

GOOD-BYE, MISS WORTHINGTON.

UH, NOW DON'T WORRY, MR. WHEELER.

WE'LL FIND HIM FOR YOU.

NEVER MIND. NEVER MIND.

I'LL FIND HIM MYSELF.

IF NOT TODAY, TOMORROW. IF NOT TOMORROW, NEXT WEEK,

NEXT YEAR.

WHEN I DO, I'M GONNA TEAR HIM INTO LITTLE STRIPS.

I WON'T LEAVE ENOUGH FOR THE BIRDS TO CARRY AWAY.

I'LL FIND HIM, I'LL FIND HIM.

A SAUCY YOUNG MISS WAS SCHEHERAZAD-EE

WITH A YO-HO, BLOW THE MAN DOWN

SHE'D DANCE ON HER LARBOARD

AND ROLL ON HER LEE

GIVE US SOME TIME TO BLOW THE MAN DOWN

WERE YOU CORNY AS POPEYE?

WELL, I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO GET TATTOOED.

WARREN, YOU'RE SUCH A HAM.

SOMEDAY, IT'LL BE YOUR UNDOING.

WHAT'S EATING OUR LITTLE LORELEI?

I DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY WE MADE HIM WALK THE PLANK.

IT WAS TOO EASY. LIKE TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY.

OH, THAT REMINDS ME. WOULD YOU TAKE CARE

OF THESE PEPPERMINT STICKS, PET?

JUST IN CASE? OHH.

NEVER GONE THIS FAR BEFORE.

THIS WAS JUST PLAIN STEALING.

C'EST LA VIE.

MR. FENWICK WILL BE RIGHT IN, SIR.

HE WAS AT THE POOL.

THANK YOU, PAUL.

YES, SIR.

JOHNNY, HOW ARE YOU, BOY?

FINE. GLAD TO SEE YOU. YOU'RE LOOKING GREAT.

I PHONED YOUR HOUSE IN TOWN FIRST.

WELL, YOU KNOW CONNECTICUT'S

SOMETIMES MUCH MORE RESTFUL,

AND I'M IN ONE OF MY RESTFUL PHASES JUST NOW.

SAY, WHAT'S THIS I HEAR

ABOUT YOUR HAVING GIVEN UP BUSINESS?

OH, IT WAS ONLY TEMPORARY.

YOU KNOW ABOUT CHICAGO, DON'T YOU?

WHAT ABOUT CHICAGO?

YOU'RE FLYING.

THERE'S A BOARD MEETING AT 9:00 IN THE MORNING,

AND YOU'RE PRESIDING.

OH, NO, I'M NOT.

YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF THIS ONE.

CRIPPS SAYS IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

AW, CRIPPS!

IT'S YOUR FIRST BOARD MEETING IN OVER A YEAR.

IT'S ONE TOO MANY.

PAUL, I'M FLYING TO CHICAGO TONIGHT,

YES, ON THE 8:30 PLANE.

WHY CAN'T PAPER BOX FACTORIES

RUN THEMSELVES?

WE'VE EVERYTHING READY FOR YOU.

YOU'D BETTER LOOK AT THE TRANSFERS FIRST.

CRIPPS THINKS YOU SHOULD LOAD UP ON WESTERN UTILITIES.

WE ARE.

AT 2%, YOU'LL SOON HAVE ME

OWNING HALF OF CALIFORNIA.

CRIPPS SAYS THAT'S WHERE YOU WENT ON YOUR TRIP.

HOW WAS IT?

I WASN'T THERE LONG ENOUGH TO FIND OUT.

I DON'T KNOW THAT I'VE QUITE CAPTURED

THE BROWNS AND GREENS.

TREES ARE SO ELUSIVE.

MY, YOU PUT THINGS SO BEAUTIFULLY, PHYLLIS.

IT LOOKS LIKE A TOMATO SURPRISE.

HELLO.

HELLO, JOHN.

I CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES.

HA HA HA!

I CAN'T BELIEVE MINE, EITHER.

THIS IS CERTAINLY UNEXPECTED.

YOU ALL HAVE MET BEFORE?

HELLO. HELLO.

MY GOODNESS,

THIS IS A SURPRISE.

I HAD NO IDEA...

...AND THEN HE SAID TO THE CHORUS GIRL,

"EITHER YOU COME OUT, CLOTHES OR NO CLOTHES,

OR I'LL COME IN AND--"

HA HA HA! YES?

AND THEN--THEN HE--

AND THEN HE JUMPED RIGHT IN THE WATER.

MR. WHEELER'S WITH PRIEST-WHITEHALL.

THEY HANDLE ALL OF TOD'S BUSINESS.

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE SAILING AROUND THE HORN BY NOW.

NO, I HAD TO CHANGE MY PLANS.

WARREN JUST TOLD THE FUNNIEST STORY.

MAKE HIM ACT IT OUT FOR YOU LIKE HE DID FOR ME,

AND AT THE END, HE JUMPS RIGHT IN THE WATER!

LINDA, DEAR, WILL YOU POUR?

YES, DEAR.

JAMES, WILL YOU TELL MY SON WE'RE HAVING TEA?

THAT'S VERY AMUSING, DEAR.

DARN SHAME ABOUT WARREN, ALL ALONE UP IN HIS ROOM.

YES, NO TEA, NO DINNER.

THE SUN WAS REALLY TOO MUCH FOR HIM.

YES, HE'S SO FAIR.

NOW, ISN'T THAT A PERFECT PITY?

I HAD PATE DE FOIS GRAS ESPECIALLY FOR HIM.

PERHAPS I CAN SEND SOME UP.

HE COULDN'T TOUCH A THING.

ALL HE NEEDS IS A GOOD, STIFF DRINK.

PAUL, TAKE HIM ONE AND ASK HIM TO COME DOWN.

NO, THAT WOULD BE BAD FOR HIM.

I'LL GO SEE HOW UNCLE WARREN IS.

I'VE GOT TO POWDER MY NOSE, ANYWAY.

WE'LL SEE HOW HE IS.

IF HE'S STILL FEVERISH...

OH, HOT OR COLD, BRING HIM DOWN.

A GOOD DRINK'LL FIX HIM ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

WELL, I MUST BE OFF.

GOING SO SOON, DARLING?

HOW LONG WILL YOU BE?

OH, ONLY A FEW DAYS.

GOOD-BYE, JOHN.

TAKE CARE OF ALL THOSE LITTLE FIGURES.

THE OFFICE'LL KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOU BY PHONE.

LINDA?

LINDA, THIS ISN'T A VERY GOOD TIME,

AND IT'S NOT A VERY GOOD PLACE,

BUT YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL.

PARDON ME,

WE'D BETTER HURRY, SIR,

OR I'M AFRAID YOU'LL MISS YOUR PLANE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

DARLING, BEFORE I GO, I...

YOU'VE GOT A PRETTY GOOD IDEA

OF WHAT I WANT TO SAY.

WILL YOU THINK ABOUT IT, LINDA?

OH, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.

WE HAVEN'T MUCH TIME, SIR.

WHAT DID HE WANT?

I'LL TELL YOU LATER.

WHO IS IT? IT'S MAY.

ALL DURING DINNER,

I COULD FEEL THE HOT BREATH OF THE POLICE

ON MY NECK.

YOU'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT AWAY.

ALL RIGHT, IF WE CAN MAKE A ROPE LADDER

OUT OF DENTAL FLOSS.

OLD ADDLEPATE HAS HIS TONGUE HANGING OUT

FOR MORE OF YOUR SPICY STORIES.

HE'LL BE UP HERE ANY MINUTE

TO DRAG YOU DOWNSTAIRS BODILY.

THINK OF SOMETHING.

ON AN EMPTY STOMACH?

OH, FORGET YOUR STOMACH.

LOOK, WHY DON'T I GET MR. WHEELER

OUT OF THE WAY?

HE'S LEAVING ON THE 10:00.

WE ONLY HAVE TO KEEP THEM APART FOR AN HOUR.

THAT'S IT!

KEEP HIM BUSY UNTIL TRAIN TIME. THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.

HOW WAS THAT PATE DE FOIS GRAS?

OH...

DOESN'T THE NIGHT AIR FEEL GOOD?

WELL, HAVE YOU BEEN BUSY

SINCE YOU CAME BACK TO TOWN?

YES, I HAVE.

I'VE ALSO BEEN TRYING TO FIND OUR OLD FRIEND

CAPTAIN BEASLEY.

THEY HAVEN'T CAUGHT HIM YET?

NO, BUT THEY WILL.

I HAVE PRIVATE DETECTIVES WORKING ON IT.

THAT'S GOOD NEWS.

OH, LOOK.

ISN'T IT SWEET?

YES, AND A LITTLE SAD.

A FAMILY RELIC.

THIS MUST HAVE BEEN VERY NICE.

IN GRANDMA'S DAY,

WE COULD HAVE TAKEN A MOONLIGHT RIDE.

WHY DON'T WE?

LOOK, THE OLD CANDLE'S STILL THERE.

WAIT. LET'S SEE IF IT'S STILL ALIVE.

AH, THINGS WERE SIMPLE IN GRANDMA'S DAY.

PEOPLE DIDN'T HURRY THROUGH LIFE.

THEY TOOK TIME TO ENJOY IT.

NOBODY TRIED TO OWN THE WHOLE WORLD.

THEY FOUND PLEASURE IN THE LITTLE THINGS.

EVEN THE SONGS WERE NICER.

PUT ON YOUR OLD GRAY BONNET

WITH THE BLUE RIBBONS ON IT

AND WE'LL HITCH OLD DOBBIN TO THE SHAY

THROUGH THE FIELDS OF CLOVER

WE WILL RIDE TO DOVER

ON OUR GOLDEN WEDDING DAY

LOOK AT THE SONGS WOMEN INSPIRE TODAY.

BEAT ME, DADDY, 8 TO THE BAR.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S A QUESTION

I'VE BEEN WANTING TO ASK YOU.

YES?

WHAT WOULD YOU THINK OF SOMEONE

WHO PRETENDED TO BE SOMETHING THEY WEREN'T?

WELL, IF THERE WAS A GOOD REASON

FOR THE PRETENDING.

THAT STILL MAKES THIS SOMEONE A PHONY, DOESN'T IT?

I GUESS IT DOES,

BUT YOU CAN'T REALLY CONDEMN ANYONE

UNTIL YOU HEAR THEIR SIDE OF IT.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

AND YET, WHEN THE TIME COMES TO EXPLAIN,

YOU CAN'T THINK OF EVEN A SINGLE EXCUSE.

NO.

"SORRY" IS SUCH A LITTLE WORD.

WELL, LITTLE AS IT IS, I'M SAYING IT.

WHAT?

I'VE TRIED TO PUSH IN WHERE I DON'T BELONG.

I'M NO MILLIONAIRE.

I'M A $65-A-WEEK ACCOUNTANT.

I OWN 2 SUITS, ONE WITH A HOLE IN THE SEAT,

AND A WATCH THAT'S SLOW.

THERE ARE 30 MILLION OTHER GUYS EXACTLY LIKE ME.

WILL YOU FORGIVE ME?

FORGIVE YOU?

YOU'RE NOT MAD?

NO, I--BUT...

BUT THE YACHT AND EVERYTHING...

OH, YOU'RE KIDDING. IT'S A GAG.

$65 A WEEK, AND YOU WANTED TO BUY A YACHT.

LOOK, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.

THIS IS MY LIFE,

AND I'M NOT GONNA SPEND THE BEST YEARS OF IT

IN A SWIVEL CHAIR.

PEOPLE TAKE THEIR MONEY

AND LOCK IT UP IN SAFE DEPOSIT BOXES

AND DON'T USE IT.

THEY DO THE SAME THING WITH THEIR LIVES.

NOT ME. I'M TAKING TIME OUT TO LIVE.

YOU HAVEN'T ANY MONEY,

SO YOU'RE GOING TO RETIRE AND BUY A YACHT.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

YES, IT DOES.

I COULD BE LIKE THE OTHER FELLAS,

FIGHTING THEIR WAY TO THE TOP

AND I'LL PROBABLY HAVE A YACHT WHEN I'M 65,

BUT THEN I'LL BE TOO OLD TO ENJOY IT.

I WANT IT NOW.

BUT WHAT DO YOU DO FOR MONEY?

WHERE DID THAT 15,000 COME FROM?

YOU STOLE IT?

YES...FROM MY SALARY.

FOR THE LAST 11 YEARS,

I'VE BANKED HALF OF EVERY CHECK

AND ALL MY CHRISTMAS BONUSES.

AND YOU LOST EVERY CENT?

THANKS TO CAPTAIN BEASLEY.

I HAD TO WIRE MY BOSS COLLECT FOR BUS FARE BACK.

BUT ON $65 A WEEK.

HOW CAN YOU SAVE THAT MUCH?

IT CAN BE DONE.

WHY, YOU DO YOUR OWN LAUNDRY,

EAT IN ONE-ARM JOINTS, NO MOVIES, NO CLOTHES.

I GUESS YOU WANTED TO GO SAILING PRETTY BADLY.

OH, I'VE BEEN SAILING SHIPS

EVER SINCE I WAS KNEE-HIGH TO A BOWSPRIT,

BUT THEY ALWAYS BELONGED TO SOMEONE ELSE.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE J.P. MORGAN JR.

I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU EVENTUALLY,

AND SOMEHOW, I--I THOUGHT THAT HAVING THE BOAT

WOULD SOLVE A LOT OF THINGS.

I COULD HAVE MADE IT PAY, TOO.

HAULING CARGO UP AND DOWN SOUTH AMERICA,

I HAD IT ALL WORKED OUT.

OH, WHAT'S THE USE OF JUSTIFYING IT?

I WANTED YOU SO BADLY, I'D HAVE PRETENDED ANYTHING.

WHAT AM I SAYING?

I CAN'T COMPETE WITH FELLAS LIKE FENWICK.

WHOEVER HEARD OF A MILK-WAGON HORSE

WINNING THE DERBY?

I HAVE...

TONIGHT.

YEAH.

WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS.

WE DON'T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER.

I KNOW, WE'RE CRAZY.

I GUESS WE ARE.

I FEEL WEAK ALL OVER.

IT WAS JUST LIKE THAT

WHEN YOU KISSED ME IN CALIFORNIA,

BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS SILLY TO FEEL THAT WAY

OVER A PERFECT STRANGER.

IT WAS SORT OF A SICKISH SENSATION?

YES, IT WAS AWFUL.

IT WAS JUST LIKE THAT WITH ME, EXACTLY.

HOW DID YOUR STOMACH FEEL?

HOLLOW.

MINE, TOO.

DOES IT FEEL HOLLOW NOW?

EVEN HOLLOWER.

THEN YOU MUST BE IN LOVE, TOO.

IS THAT WHAT IT'S LIKE?

THAT'S WHAT IT'S LIKE.

THEN I GUESS I MUST BE IN LOVE.

I GUESS SO.

WELL, YOU CERTAINLY DID A GOOD JOB

KEEPING HIM BUSY.

WHERE'D YOU GO, ANYWAY?

OH, WELL, NEVER MIND.

WHAT I'M DYING TO HEAR

IS HOW YOU'VE GOTTEN ON WITH YOUNG FENWICK.

OH, MAY, I'M SO HAPPY. HE PROPOSED.

HE DID?!

OH, DARLING!

LET ME BE THE FIRST TO CONGRATULATE YOU.

THAT'S PROBABLY MOTHER AND DAD.

COME IN.

READY?

HELLO, MRS. WORTHINGTON.

I--I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON THE 10:00 TRAIN.

WELL, MOTHER...

I GUESS THIS IS A GOOD A TIME AS ANY.

I'M NO MILLIONAIRE. I'M AN ACCOUNTANT.

I MAKE $65 A WEEK.

65 A...

I KNOW I DON'T DESERVE HER.

I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER BUT MY LOVE,

BUT I'M GONNA TRY TO MAKE HER HAPPY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOUR DAUGHTER'S HAND IN MARRIAGE.

WELL, THERE MUST-- THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE.

NO, THERE ISN'T. I TOLD YOU HE PROPOSED.

HE? HIM?

WILL YOU LEAVE HERE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE,

YOU--YOU IMPOSTOR!

I'LL BE PACKED IN JUST A MINUTE.

YOU LUNATIC! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

IT MEANS THAT I'M GOING AWAY WITH HIM

AND NOTHING THAT YOU CAN DO OR SAY

WILL STOP ME.

HAVE YOU GONE OUT OF YOUR MIND?

WHAT ABOUT TOD FENWICK?

YOU CAN'T WALK OUT ON US

JUST AS WE'RE ABOUT TO HIT THE JACKPOT.

WE'RE ALL SET TO MAKE A COOL MILLION.

STRANGELY ENOUGH,

I'M NOT A BIT INTERESTED.

I HAVE WHAT I WANT.

LISTEN, PETER PAN, FACE FACTS.

IF THAT SHORT HAIRCUT EVER FINDS OUT

YOU GYPPED HIM,

YOU'LL WIND UP IN JAIL

OR BACK IN THE GIRDLE DEPARTMENT.

A SUCKER NEVER FORGIVES OR FORGETS.

I'LL WORRY ABOUT THAT WHEN THE TIME COMES.

NOW, BE A DEAR AND HELP ME PACK.

WE'LL BE IN NEW YORK IN 45 MINUTES.

THANK YOU.

WHAT'S THAT?

HOW TO SUPPORT A WIFE AND GET A YACHT

ON $65 A WEEK.

SAVINGS: $31, FOOD, $15, RENT, $15, MISCELLANEOUS, $4.00?

THAT'S FOR CLOTHES, DOCTOR BILLS,

AND ANY LITTLE EMERGENCIES

THAT COME UP,

AND IN 10 YEARS, WE'LL HAVE ENOUGH

TO GET ANOTHER BOAT.

OH, I LEFT OUT $10 EVERY WEEK FOR ACME.

FOR WHO?

THAT'S THE DETECTIVE AGENCY

I HIRED TO CATCH THAT CROOK.

THAT'S A NECESSARY EXPENSE.

IF THEY'D ONLY TRAP THAT RAT WITH MY MONEY,

WE'D HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

YES, THAT WOULD BE DANDY.

IT DOESN'T LOOK SO GOOD NOW.

EXPECTING A GIRL LIKE YOU

TO GIVE UP EVERYTHING

AND SCRIMP AND SAVE TO BUY A BOAT.

IT WAS ALL RIGHT WHEN I WAS ALONE,

BUT NOW, IT'S NOT THE SAME ANYMORE.

BUT I WANT IT TO BE THE SAME.

I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING.

BY RIGHTS, WE SHOULD BE SAVING

TO BUY A HOUSE ON A HILL WITH GINGHAM CURTAINS

AND KIDS RUNNIN' AROUND PLAYING COWBOYS AND INDIANS.

YOU KNOW, WE'RE JUST BEING IMPRACTICAL.

ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?

MAYBE YOUR MOTHER WAS RIGHT.

YOU'RE GIVING UP ALL THE SWEET THINGS

FOR THE BITTER:

DODGING TAXIS INSTEAD OF RIDING IN THEM,

DRINKING COFFEE OUT OF CHIPPED CUPS,

HAVING YOUR SHOES RESOLED.

IT'S A WORLD YOU NEVER KNEW.

YOU WOULDN'T BE TRYING TO SCARE ME, WOULD YOU?

OH, IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT DIRTY SKUNK,

WE'D HAVE EVERYTHING WE WANT TOMORROW.

WE CAN, ANYWAY.

I HAVE SOME MONEY OF MY OWN, JUST 15,000.

I--I SAVED IT OUT OF MY ALLOWANCE.

I WAS AFRAID YOU'D DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

WHY SHOULDN'T WE SHARE EVERYTHING?

AFTER ALL, IT'S REALLY AS MUCH YOUR MONEY

AS IT IS MINE.

YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE IT. IT'S THE ONLY WAY OUT.

IT'S PROBABLY YOUR NIGHTCLUB SPENDING MONEY.

YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A HEADWAITER.

I'M NOT GONNA BE ONE OF SOCIETY'S KEPT MEN.

NO, SIR, THERE'S SUCH A THING AS SELF-RESPECT.

AND THERE'S SUCH A THING AS PIG-HEADED STUBBORNNESS.

NOW, LISTEN,

I WON'T TOUCH A CENT OF YOUR MONEY,

WE MIGHT AS WELL FACE IT.

YOU'LL HAVE TO LIVE ON MY SALARY.

YOU'VE GOT TO ANSWER YES OR NO.

YES.

I'M GONNA EAT WHAT YOU EAT

AND LIVE WHERE YOU LIVE.

AT MRS. CLANCY'S ROOMING HOUSE?

IF THAT'S WHERE YOU LIVE, THAT'S WHERE I LIVE.

I'M GOING TO DO ALL THE THINGS YOU DO.

I WANT TO BE SO MUCH LIKE YOU

THAT WE WON'T BE 2 PEOPLE, WE'LL BE ONE.

AND ONE CAN LIVE CHEAPER THAN 2.

I'M SURE GLAD YA GOT IT PATCHED UP,

BUT WHY DON'T YA TAKE THE MONEY?

WHO IS IT?

A GENTLEMAN WHO'S GOING TO TAKE HIS INTENDED

TO THE FINEST CHEAP RESTAURANT IN TOWN...

IF SHE'LL PUT ON HER HAT AND NOT TAKE TOO LONG.

WOULDN'T YOU RATHER HAVE A HOME-COOKED MEAL,

AS THE SAYING GOES?

DON'T TELL ME YOU CAN COOK, TOO.

YOU'RE REALLY COOKING DINNER?

WITH MY OWN LITTLE HANDS.

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

THE CHOPS MAY BE THE SAME WAY.

SAY, I'VE REALLY GOT A TRIPLE-THREAT WOMAN,

HAVEN'T I?

CLASS, BEAUTY, NOW DOMESTICITY.

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT THIS.

I COULDN'T VERY WELL GO AROUND

WEARING A NEON SIGN ON MY BATHING SUIT.

I COOK, TOO.

I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T.

I'D HAVE BEEN TRAMPLED IN THE RUSH.

OH, HELLO, MR. KELLOGG.

HELLO.

COME ON IN HERE.

OH, DINNER. DON'T LIKE TO INTERRUPT.

AW. THIS IS MR. KELLOGG FROM ACME,

MY DETECTIVE AGENCY.

MISS WORTHINGTON.

HOW YA?

GOOD EVENING.

WON'T YOU SIT DOWN, MR. KELLOGG?

WHAT'S THAT NAME AGAIN?

WORTHINGTON.

I ALWAYS LIKE TO GET NAMES STRAIGHT.

YOU KNOW, NAMES ARE MY BUSINESS.

WELL, MR. KELLOGG, WHAT LUCK?

OH, A SLIPPERY BUNCH, A VERY SLIPPERY BUNCH.

BUNCH?

BEEN AT IT NIGHT AND DAY

AND FOR WHAT WE'RE GETTIN',

THIS CASE IS COSTIN' US 10 TIMES AS MUCH

AS YOU'RE PAYIN'.

YOU SAID "BUNCH." THERE WERE OTHERS?

EXACTLY.

YOU WERE VICTIMIZED BY NOT ONLY ONE MAN,

BUT BY A WHOLE RING OF CROOKS.

I DIDN'T SEE ANYBODY BUT THIS CAPTAIN BEASLEY.

THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.

A GANG OF THREE.

WHERE ARE THEY?

OH, KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON, MR. WHEELER.

ROME WASN'T BUILT IN A DAY.

I DIDN'T SEE ANYBODY ELSE, DID YOU?

NO, BUT THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN,

FOR ALL WE KNOW.

WAS SHE PRESENT, MISS WEATHERTON, HERE?

WORTHINGTON. YES, SHE WAS.

WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME THIS BEFORE.

WELL, THE IMPORTANT THING IS CAN YOU CATCH 'EM, THESE PEOPLE?

CAN WE?

ACME NEVER SLEEPS.

I HOPE WE GET 'EM BEFORE THEY SPEND ALL THE MONEY.

OH, REST EASY. THIS TIME NEXT WEEK,

YOU'LL BE SHAKIN' MY HAND

DOWN AT THE POLICE STATION

AND PAYIN' ME THAT REWARD.

REWARD?

I'M GIVING MR. KELLOGG 10% OF EVERYTHING HE RECOVERS.

YEAH, AND WITH THAT DOUGH,

I'M BUILDIN' ME A SUMMER HOME

WHERE I CAN SHOOT DUCKS.

THERE'S A THRILL FOR YA!

BANG! BANG! PLOP IN THE WATER.

DEAD DUCK.

THAT'S NICE.

THAT'S NICE.

TALKIN' ABOUT MONEY WHILE I'M HERE,

WE MIGHT AS WELL

KEEP THE ACCOUNT UP TO DATE.

YOU WOULDN'T RATHER WAIT TILL MONDAY?

I ALWAYS LIKE TO KEEP RIGHT UP TO SNUFF.

DON'T WORRY, MISS FURTHINGTON,

ANY MINUTE NOW,

WE'LL BE SNAPPIN' THE BRACELETS ON 'EM.

I CAN HARDLY WAIT.

THANK YOU.

WELL, I'LL BE CHECKIN' WITH YA.

NICE KID.

OH, HE MAY LOOK A LITTLE DUMB,

BUT HE'S FROM THE BEST AGENCY IN TOWN.

IF ANYBODY CAN CATCH THEM, KELLOGG CAN.

DARLING, BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,

YOU'LL BE FRYING EGGS IN OUR OWN GALLEY,

AND IT CAN'T BE ANY TOO SOON FOR ME.

YES, IT CAN'T BE ANY--

THE CHOPS!

I'M SORRY.

WHAT'S ONE DINNER

WHEN YOU'LL BE COOKING FOR ME

FOR THE NEXT 200 YEARS?

MY INVITATION STILL STANDS.

GET YOUR UMBRELLA AND HAT,

AND I'LL CHANGE MY TIE.

OH, DARLING, BEFORE I FORGET,

WILL YOU DO AN ERRAND FOR ME TOMORROW?

TO THE MOON AND BACK.

I'VE GOT SOME MONEY I'D LIKE YOU TO DEPOSIT FOR ME.

SURE. WHAT BANK?

WELL, I CLOSED MY OLD ACCOUNT.

THERE'S NO SENSE IN OPENING A NEW ONE

UNDER MISS WORTHINGTON

WHEN I'M GOING TO BE MRS. WHEELER SO SOON.

SO?

SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST DEPOSIT IT

IN YOURS FOR NOW.

MAKE IT SORT OF A JOINT ACCOUNT.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT A MINUTE...

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE MATTER!

DON'T PULL THAT INNOCENT STUFF!

THERE YA GO, PLOTTING AGAIN.

JOHN, I ONLY--

THAT'S A NICE TRICK.

TRYING TO SNEAK YOUR SOCIETY MONEY TO ME

RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE WHILE MY BACK IS TURNED.

I MERELY WANTED TO--

WE'VE BEEN ALL THROUGH THIS!

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU MENTION MONEY AGAIN!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

IT'S NOTHING TO GET UPSET ABOUT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, ANYWAY?

THERE, THERE, NOW--

I WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR:

I WOULDN'T LET YOU BUY ME A TRIP ON THE SUBWAY.

ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN RUN ALONG BEHIND.

AM I FORGIVEN?

NO, NOT YET. I WANT TO SULK FOR A WHILE.

IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE A FACE LIKE THAT,

OUR QUARRELS WOULD LAST A LOT LONGER.

WE'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO FIGHT

AFTER WE'RE MARRIED.

RIGHT NOW, LET'S GO OUT AND CELEBRATE

OUR ENGAGEMENT.

ALL RIGHT.

GO WASH YOUR FACE.

GO WASH YOUR FACE.

HELLO?

PUT HER ON.

HELLO, LINDA. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL THIS TIME?

OH, COLONEL, I'M IN A TERRIBLE HURRY.

I NEED A FAVOR. WILL YOU?

OH, YOU'RE AWFULLY SWEET.

IT'S THIS:

I HAVE $15,000 I WANT YOU TO GIVE TO SOMEBODY.

OH, I'M SORRY, MY DEAR,

THIS MUST BE A BAD CONNECTION.

FOR A MOMENT, I THOUGHT YOU SAID

YOU WANTED TO GIVE SOMEBODY $15,000.

I SEE. DO YOU FEEL WELL?

OH, OF COURSE I PROMISE.

BUT I MUST SAY THIS IS A LITTLE BIT OUT OF MY LINE.

YOU'RE A DARLING.

HIS NAME IS WHEELER,

AND HE'S GOT TO GET IT BACK

SO HE THINKS HE'S WINNING IT,

YOU KNOW, A LUCKY STREAK?

OH, THIS IS A NEW YORK FAIRY TALE.

WE'LL MAKE HISTORY-- GIVING MONEY AWAY.

ALL RIGHT, SEND IT ROUND BY MESSENGER.

NOW, WHERE DO YOU WANT TO START?

WELL, LET ME SEE.

IT'LL HAVE TO BE DONE IN EASY STAGES.

HE'S A LITTLE CONSERVATIVE.

BETTER START AT NICK'S.

HEY, BUDDY! YOU'RE IN LOW GEAR!

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

THIS IS NO PLACE

TO CELEBRATE OUR ENGAGEMENT.

IT'S THE CHEAPEST.

BUT NOT VERY ROMANTIC.

IF I ASKED FOR A WALTZ, THEY'D KNIFE ME!

HOW ABOUT SOME ROOT BEER?

IT WOULD BE JUST MY LUCK TO MARRY A WOMAN WHO DRINKS.

I'LL WAIT FOR YOU HERE.

ARE YOU NICK?

I'M CHICK.

NICK IS SICK.

DID THE COLONEL PHONE?

OH, HELLO.

YEAH, EVERYTHING IS FIXED.

YA SURE YOU WANT HIM TO WIN?

MAYBE I AIN'T HOID RIGHT.

YOU "HOID" RIGHT.

YOU MUST BE CRAZY, HUH?

THAT WOULD BE TELLIN'.

THERE HE IS WITH THE ROOT BEER.

YOU CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T TRY.

YOU DID VERY WELL.

NOBODY EVER MAKES IT. YOU CAN HAVE SOME OF MINE.

A PRIZE.

A RING!

NOW IT'S OFFICIAL.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT.

I DIDN'T WANT TO SPEND TOO MUCH,

BUT I WANTED SOMETHING THAT WAS NICE.

TIFFANY'S.

IT'S JUST WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED.

THE STONES AREN'T AS BIG AS I'D HAVE LIKED,

BUT THE SETTING'S PRETTY.

OH, I FEEL SO LUCKY.

SAY, LET'S PUT A NICKEL IN ONE OF THOSE THINGS.

NO.

COME ON.

NO, WE CAN ONLY SAVE OUR QUOTA

BARRING ACCIDENTS,

AND GAMBLING IS ONE OF THOSE ACCIDENTS.

AW, ONE NICKEL. TONIGHT'S OUR LUCKY NIGHT.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS LUCK.

THESE THINGS ARE A SIMPLE MATTER

OF MATHEMATICS,

UNLESS THEY'RE FIXED,

IN WHICH CASE, THEY NEVER PAY OFF.

BUT THERE IS SUCH A THING AS LUCK.

DARLING, IF THERE'S ONE THING

I THOROUGHLY UNDERSTAND,

IT'S NUMBERS.

JUST APPLY THE LAW OF PROBABILITIES.

WHY, THERE'S ONLY ONE CHANCE IN 500,000

THAT A SLOT MACHINE WILL PAY OFF.

WHY WASTE THE NICKEL?

BUT THERE'S NEVER BEEN A LAW PASSED AGAINST LUCK.

WHY, EVEN MR. EINSTEIN MIGHT PUT A NICKEL IN

AND HIT THE JACKPOT.

IT DOESN'T HAPPEN IN A HALF A MILLION TIMES.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SHOW YA.

YA SEE?

I TOLD YOU TONIGHT WAS OUR LUCKY NIGHT.

WELL, THAT DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING.

IT'S JUST DUE TO COME UP, THAT'S ALL.

IT PROVES YOU'RE LUCKY.

THAT'S SILLY. LUCK.

HERE'S YOUR ANSWER.

GIVE IN, MR. WHEELER.

WE'RE A LUCKY COMBINATION.

SAY, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

IT'S A MATHEMATICAL COINCIDENCE.

IT CAN'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

HOW MANY MACHINES DO YOU HAVE HERE?

35.

THE ODDS ARE 27 MILLION TO 3

THAT I WON'T HIT ANOTHER JACKPOT.

WE GOT A PROFESSOR HERE TONIGHT.

A BIG GENIUS.

SCIENCE LEAVES NO ROOM FOR LUCK.

IT GOT IN SOMEHOW.

THIS IS FANTASTIC!

THEY'RE OUT OF ORDER!

IT'S A MECHANICAL FLUKE!

THEY'VE GONE HAYWIRE!

I'LL PROVE THAT THIS IS MATHEMATICS

IF IT'S THE LAST THING I EVER DO.

LUCK IS THE MOST STUPID--

NOBODY WITH ANY INTELLIGENCE...

BOY, IS HE...

7 THE WINNER. COMING OUT.

7, THE WINNER!

DADDY! 4 IN A ROW! I'M IN ON THIS.

LET IT RIDE?

YOU SAID IT!

7, THE WINNER!

COME ON, LUCKY!

I'M NOT. I TELL YOU, IT'S JUST FREAKISH.

I CAN'T POSSIBLY THROW ANOTHER 7.

11, THE WINNER!

LET IT RIDE! 8 IN A ROW!

WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT, MR. WHEELER?!

I DON'T CALL IT LUCK.

THERE ARE ONLY 12 SIDES TO DICE.

THAT'S ONLY 530

DIFFERENT POSSIBLE COMBINATIONS.

JUST BECAUSE THE SAME COMBINATION COMES UP

SEVERAL TIMES, IT DOESN'T MEAN--

ALL RIGHT, BUT IT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE...

7, THE WINNER!

THOSE DICE ARE CROOKED!

NOW LET'S PLAY ROULETTE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE ODDS ARE ON ROULETTE?

SILLY, YOU CAN'T BEAT IT.

AW, COME ON, JUST ONCE.

PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

THERE, NOW, 15's A GOOD NUMBER.

DARLING, DON'T DO THAT.

18, RED, EVEN.

WE WIN! NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME, DARLING?

PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

23, RED.

PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

6, EVEN, BLACK.

I WIN.

YOU SEE?

I JUST CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT.

WELL, MAYBE I CAN. MAYBE I CAN.

IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU GAVE DAME FORTUNE

A LITTLE CREDIT.

2 ODD IN A ROW, 3 EVEN.

IT'S DE MORGAN'S THEORY.

IN ANY NUMERICAL SERIES,

THE FREQUENCY WITH WHICH ANY GIVEN NUMBER APPEARS

IS IN DIRECT RATIO TO THE NUMBER OF POSSIBILITIES

AND THE FREQUENCY OF RESULTS.

THAT'S WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON. I TOLD YOU IT WAS MATHEMATICS.

WHATEVER IT IS, KEEP GOING.

PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

DARLING, I THINK I'M WORKING ON A GREAT FORMULA.

I WANT TO TRY IT ON THE NUMBERS.

ENJOYING YOURSELF, SIR?

OH, DARLING, I WANT YOU TO KNOW COLONEL PRENTISS.

HE'S THE BOSS HERE.

HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?

HOW DO YOU DO?

I CONGRATULATE YOU ON RUNNING AN HONEST GAME,

OTHERWISE, MATHEMATICAL LAW WOULDN'T WORK.

THANK YOU, SIR.

I'M GIVING YOU FAIR WARNING.

I'M GONNA BREAK THE PLACE.

I'M GRATEFUL FOR THE TIP.

WHAT WERE THE LAST WINNING NUMBERS?

17, 11, 5, SIR.

I'LL NEED SOME PAPER.

I'LL GET IT. YOU KEEP PLAYING.

AND A PENCIL.

12.

OH, BILL, TAKE THAT PAD AND PENCIL

TO THAT GENTLEMAN IN THE GRAY SUIT.

YES, SIR.

2 SPECIALS, JACK. YES, SIR.

PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

NUMBER 15.

HE'S AWFULLY CUTE, ISN'T HE,

SCRIBBLING DOWN ALL THOSE NUMBERS?

JUST LIKE A SCHOOLBOY.

I GATHER YOU RATHER LIKE HIM.

I RATHER DO.

19.

AMUSING LAD, THAT.

HAS A SYSTEM, EH?

NUMBER 19.

19! IT'S 19! MY NUMBER!

I KNEW IT WOULD BE.

I SAY, WARREN DOESN'T OBJECT

TO THIS WIPING THE SLATE CLEAN BUSINESS, DOES HE?

I HOPE NO PART OF THIS 15,000 IS HIS.

OH, NO. THIS WAS A PRIVATE MATTER.

OH, THANK YOU.

I WANT TO TAKE THIS TO HIM.

8 WINS. EVEN.

HERE.

I DID IT AGAIN. I GOT IT LICKED.

THAT'S MIRACULOUS.

I JUST ALLOWED FOR THE FREQUENCY DISTRIBUTION OF ERRORS.

I BELIEVE YOU, DARLING.

COULD I CASH THESE IN, PLEASE?

AW, NOT YET.

I BEAT ROULETTE, AND I CAN GO ON BEATING IT.

KEEP GOING. MAYBE YOU CAN WIN OUR BOAT.

AND 6 MONTHS' PROVISIONS.

CASH THESE IN AT THE WINDOW.

SEEMS A SHAME TO QUIT NOW WHEN YOU HAVEN'T FAR TO GO.

I FEEL DIZZY. I CAN'T THINK ANYMORE.

WELL, A NICE BIT OF LUCK.

I MUST BE A LITTLE DIZZY.

I HAVEN'T DONE SO MUCH FIGURING

SINCE I SET UP THE FENWICK TRUST FUND.

ROULETTE TAKES SUCH INTENSE CONCENTRATION.

YOU GOTTA CONSIDER EACH OF 37 DIFFERENT POSSIBILITIES.

YES, DEAR.

THAT'S GOOD LEMONADE, ISN'T IT?

MOSTLY RUM, DEAR.

THERE YOU ARE. $14,103.

YOU'RE ONLY 900 AWAY FROM YOUR BOAT.

COME ON, LET'S TRY ONCE MORE.

RIGHT NOW, I COULDN'T ADD UP 2 AND 2. LET'S GO HOME.

ISN'T IT WONDERFUL WINNING ALL THIS MONEY?

WONDERFUL? IT'S JUST THE OLD SCIENTIFIC MIND

AT WORK. THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

"WHEELER, MY BOY,

YOU HAVE MATHEMATICAL SAGACITY."

YOU KNOW WHO SAID THAT?

PATRICK HENRY.

NO. IT WAS MY PROFESSOR.

YOU KNOW WHO THE TOP MAN IN THE CLASS WAS?

THE PROFESSOR. NO, ME.

I GUESS I PROVED IT'S NOT LUCK, DIDN'T I?

JUST THE OLD SAGACITY. I DON'T BET WILLY-NILLY.

YES, DEAR. YOU CAN'T LOSE.

THEY'RE AT MY MERCY.

YES, DEAR.

I COULD WORK OUT A SYSTEM AT ANYTHING. IT'S A CINCH.

WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE ANY OLD FISH BARGE.

NO, DEAR.

WE'LL HAVE A 2O0-FOOTER WITH TWIN DIESEL MOTORS

CHUGGING BACK AND FORTH. CHUG-CHUG.

THANK YOU, SIR.

COME ON, DARLING. IT'S WAY PAST YOUR BEDTIME.

DON'T MENTION IT.

MORNING.

GOOD NIGHT, DARLING.

COME IN FOR JUST A MINUTE.

AW, IT'S TOO LATE.

I'LL TALK LOUD AND WAKE EVERYBODY UP.

ALL RIGHT. JUST FOR ONE MINUTE.

GOOD NIGHT, DARLING.

YOU BETTER GET SOME SLEEP.

SLEEP.

SLEEP.

HELLO, PRIEST-WHITEHALL, INCORPORATED?

CERTIFIED PUBLIC ACCOUNTANTS AND INVESTMENT BROKERS?

WELL, THIS IS JOHN WHEELER.

YEAH, WAGE-SLAVE NUMBER 65.

I WON'T BE IN THIS MORNING.

I WON'T EVER BE IN.

I'M QUITTING,

AND YOU'RE ALL FIRED.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I HAVE GREAT NEWS FOR YOU.

TOD FENWICK PROPOSED BY WIRE,

AND WE ACCEPTED IN YOUR NAME.

THE WEDDING WILL BE NEXT SUNDAY.

WELL, I HOPE THE THREE OF YOU WILL BE VERY HAPPY.

I WILL, BECAUSE I WON'T BE THERE.

OH, LINDA, DARLING, BE SENSIBLE.

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS TO WARREN.

WHY, TOD FENWICK IS HIS BIGGEST CATCH.

IF YOU DON'T PLAY BALL WITH WARREN,

THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT HE'LL DO.

MAY, YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME.

I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.

I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES WITH WARREN.

ALL RIGHT,

IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE STUBBORN ABOUT IT.

REMEMBER I WARNED YOU.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU, BABY, ANYWAY.

THANKS, MAY.

OH, HELLO, MR. KELLOGG.

YOUR MOTHER IS A CHARMING LADY,

ISN'T SHE?

THAT SEEMS TO BE THE GENERAL OPINION.

HOME FROM WORK YET?

OH, NO.

NO, HE ISN'T HOME FROM WORK YET.

SOMETHING IMPORTANT?

WELL, I WANTED TO GET HIM TO SIGN A WARRANT

FOR SOMEBODY'S ARREST, MISS WORTHINGTON.

I BETTER HAVE A LOOK-SEE.

I TELL YOU, I JUST LOOKED IN A MINUTE AGO.

UH, HE NEVER GETS HOME TILL ABOUT 5:30.

IT'S ONLY 4:15 NOW.

WHY DON'T YOU COME BACK IN AN HOUR?

I'LL WAIT.

WON'T YOU COME IN HERE AND WAIT?

YEAH.

YEAH.

PLEASE SIT DOWN.

GOING SOMEWHERE?

OH, JUST MOVING TO ANOTHER FLAT.

WELL, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

EH, DIDN'T SLEEP A WINK ALL NIGHT.

BEEN TRAILING PEOPLE.

AW, THAT'S TOO BAD.

CAN I GET YOU SOME HOT MILK?

NO, THAT WOULD ONLY MAKE ME DOPEY.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A NICE KID,

BUT IN MY BUSINESS

YOU CAN'T BE SENTIMENTAL

AND GO DUCK HUNTING, TOO.

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

FOLLOW THAT TAXI.

GOOD AFTERNOON, MISS WORTHINGTON.

WHERE MIGHT YOU BE TIPTOEING TO?

We're leaving, Mrs. Clancy.

YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY FOR THE WHOLE WEEK.

Yes. This will take care of us both.

THANKS.

YOU DIDN'T TAKE ANY OF MY NICE DISHES,

DID YOU?

That's not very funny.

WHAT ARE YOU WHISPERING ABOUT?

I've got asthma.

Oh, no, don't go in there.

WHY NOT?

It's still my room.

I've paid for the whole week.

I still want to use it.

LEAVE YOUR FORWARDING ADDRESS DOWNSTAIRS.

HELLO, HONEY.

31. I DID IT AGAIN!

DARLING, I JUST WON $225,000

IN THE LAST HALF HOUR.

JOHN, I THINK--

IMAGINE WHAT WE'LL DO TO THE CHUKKA TONIGHT.

I'LL OWN THE PLACE BY MORNING.

THE CHUKKA WILL BE A LITTLE UNWIELDY

TO SAIL TO SOUTH AMERICA.

COME ON, DARLING, YOU HAVE TO GET READY.

WHAT'S THE HURRY?

HEY, I KNOW A BARKENTINE WITH AN ALL-STEEL HULL

I CAN GET FOR 120,000.

DARLING, WE'RE TAKING THE PLANE

TO CALIFORNIA TONIGHT.

WHAT?!

WE PLANNED IT ALL LAST NIGHT.

WE DID?

I DON'T REMEMBER, SWEETHEART.

DO YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT LAST NIGHT?

JUST THAT I WAS THE HAPPIEST GUY

IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

LAST NIGHT AND RIGHT NOW.

GOOD MORNING, MRS. WHEELER.

SAY, THAT'S GONNA SOUND GOOD.

LINDA AND JOHN WHEELER.

I LIKE THAT.

THEY'RE REAL OLD-FASHIONED NAMES.

SOUND LIKE A COUPLE OF PILGRIMS.

DO WE HAVE TO GO TONIGHT?

YOU PROMISED. I'M ALL PACKED.

WHAT'S THE HURRY?

YOU DON'T SEEM TO REALIZE, HONEY,

WHAT I'VE GOT.

I'M GRATEFUL FOR WHAT WE ALREADY HAVE.

NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, BABY.

EVERY MAN HAS HIS MOMENT. WELL, THIS IS MINE.

I'VE CERTAINLY WAITED LONG ENOUGH FOR IT.

NOW'S NO TIME TO WALK OUT.

WHY NOT? WE'VE GOT ALL WE WANT.

WELL, WAIT A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

I'LL BUY YOU THE STATE OF RHODE ISLAND

AND PUT SAILS ON IT.

LOOK, DARLING, SYSTEMS HAVE A WAY

OF ACTING LIKE FOLDING BEDS.

YOU DON'T WANT TO GET CAUGHT.

IT'S RAINING $5.00 GOLD PIECES,

AND YOU WON'T LET ME STOP AND PICK THEM UP.

LOOK, YOU DON'T REALIZE

THERE MUST BE 50 OTHER PLACES

LIKE THE CHUKKA.

I'LL KNOCK THEM OVER ONE BY ONE.

DON'T WORRY. I'LL GO TO CALIFORNIA.

WE'LL GO-- BUT WE'LL TAKE

HALF OF NEW YORK ON THE PLANE WITH US.

JOHN, WE'RE LEAVING NOW.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S FUNNY.

THAT SOUNDED LIKE A COMMAND.

IT CERTAINLY DIDN'T SOUND LIKE YOU.

WELL, YOU CERTAINLY DON'T SOUND LIKE YOURSELF EITHER.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND

WHAT YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP.

WELL, NOW, LOOK, LINDA.

I'M LOOKING AND I CAN SEE VERY CLEARLY.

HALF OF NEW YORK, RHODE ISLAND.

WHY, YOU SOUND LIKE A REAL ESTATE AGENT.

WHAT BECAME OF ALL THOSE ROSY DREAMS

ABOUT BLUE LAGOONS AND GOLDEN SUNSETS?

NOW THAT YOU CAN HAVE THEM,

WHY, YOU WANT TO SPEND YOUR TIME

IN SOMEBODY'S BACK ROOM PLAYING ROULETTE

WITH A LOT OF CHISELERS.

YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT?

I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU MADE UP YOUR MIND.

I'D LIKE TO KNOW SO I CAN MAKE UP MINE.

I'VE MADE IT UP.

WHERE DO WE GO FIRST?

OH, WELL...

FIRST WE EAT...

THEN WE'LL GO DO SOME LAST-MINUTE SHOPPING.

NO, THAT'S NOT MINE.

THEN GO BUY THE TICKETS.

HAVE I GOT EVERYTHING?

SURE.

YOU KNOW, THE LAW OF PROBABILITIES

HAS BEEN AWFULLY GOOD TO ME.

OUT OF 130 MILLION PEOPLE

THAT YOU SHOULD WIND UP ON MY DOORSTEP.

I HOPE YOU'LL ALWAYS FEEL THAT WAY.

OH, I GOT TO PAY MRS. CLANCY.

MRS. CLANCY!

I've already paid her.

YOU DID?

What's the matter?

Mrs. Clancy's having a baby.

What? She's a widow.

Well, live and let live.

I DON'T SEE WHY

YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE A LATER PLANE.

YOU ACT AS THOUGH

IT WAS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.

OH, IT'S JUST THAT I WANT TO BE ON OUR WAY.

WE MIGHT NOT BE ABLE

TO GET TICKETS THE LAST MINUTE.

OH, WE SHOULD.

WHY, THERE ARE 4 PLANES A DAY.

OH, WHILE YOU'RE WAITING,

I'LL GO GET SOME THINGS AT THE DRUGSTORE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. ANYTHING YOU WANT?

YEAH, SHAVING CREAM AND A KISS.

IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY?

THEY'LL JUST THINK WE'RE SAYING GOOD-BYE.

PAPER, MISTER?

PAPER!

PAPER! PAPER, MISTER? PAPER!

LINDA!

DARLING!

PAPER, MISTER?

PAPER?

I'M SO HAPPY.

I--I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY EITHER.

I JUST TALKED TO MOTHER FROM CHICAGO.

IT SEEMS THAT SUNDAY'S

A LITTLE SOON FOR EVERYBODY,

BUT NOT FOR ME.

COME ON OVER HERE, TOD.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

WHAT, DARLING?

OH, I MUST EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU, TOD.

LOOK, DEAR, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE ARRANGEMENTS.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, DEAR?

OH, I FORGOT TO PHONE MOTHER.

YOU WAIT RIGHT HERE. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WE'LL PHONE HER LATER.

OH, NO, NO, I MUST RIGHT NOW.

WELL!

HEY, IF YOU WANT TO GO OUT,

USE THE DOOR MARKED EXIT.

I--I--YOU!

QUICK, DRIVE TO JERSEY CITY,

BUT I WON'T BE WITH YOU.

HEY, WHAT KIND OF A GAG IS THIS?

HERE'S $20.

DON'T LET ANYBODY CATCH YOU!

FOR $20 NOT EVEN MY WIFE'LL CATCH ME,

AND YOU DON'T KNOW MY WIFE.

SEE THAT SECOND CAB?

DON'T LET IT OUT OF YOUR SIGHT.

JOHN, HELLO THERE.

TOD, HOW'D EVERYTHING GO IN CHICAGO?

OH, FINE. WE'RE STARTING ANOTHER FACTORY.

THAT'S GOOD.

I'VE GOT BETTER NEWS THAN THAT, THOUGH.

I'M GONNA BE MARRIED SUNDAY.

WHAT?! YEAH.

CONGRATULATIONS, TOD.

THAT'S REALLY WONDERFUL NEWS.

THAT'S WHAT YOU NEEDED ALL ALONG.

OH, THAT'S WHAT EVERY MAN NEEDS.

SAY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE RETIRING AGAIN.

I'M GETTING MARRIED, TOO.

NO. YEAH.

WELL, OLD DAN CUPID GOT US BOTH

AT THE SAME TIME, HUH?

LOOKS LIKE IT.

LOTS OF HAPPINESS, FELLA.

SAME TO YOU.

SAY, MAYBE WE CAN ALL GET TOGETHER SOON.

SURE. WE WON'T BE BACK FOR QUITE A WHILE.

WHEN I DO I'LL GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU.

DO THAT. THE GIRLS MIGHT HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.

SAY, AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU KNOW THIS GIRL.

DO I? WHICH ONE?

I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT YOU'RE HOLDING UP THE LINE.

YOU BETTER GET YOUR TICKETS. SO LONG. HAPPY HONEYMOON.

YEAH. YES, SIR?

I'M SORRY. I WANT 2 ON THE 7:00 TO CALIFORNIA.

THE 7:00's ALL FILLED UP.

I CAN GIVE YOU 2 ON THE 10:00.

ALL RIGHT.

GET THE TICKETS?

YEAH, I GOT 2 ON THE 10:00.

THEY WERE ALL BOOKED UP ON THE 7:00.

IT'S THE BEST WE COULD DO, DARLING.

I JUST SAW TOD FENWICK.

YOU DID?

HE'S GETTING MARRIED, TOO.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO TELL HIM ABOUT YOU.

COME ON, LET'S FIND HIM. HE'LL BE SURPRISED.

OH, WE'LL SEE HIM WHEN WE COME BACK.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

OK, COME ON.

I'LL BUY YOU A NICE LITTLE SUPPER AT THE CHUKKA

AND THEN AN HOUR OR TWO OF THE WHEELER SYSTEM.

WE'LL FLY TO CALIFORNIA ON A RAINBOW.

OH, I JUST REMEMBERED

A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE THING.

I FORGOT TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO MOTHER.

I'VE GOT TO DO THAT.

OH, YES, WE SHOULD. LET'S GO.

OH, NO, NO.

DOES SHE STILL FEEL THE SAME ABOUT ME?

OH, NO, DARLING, IT ISN'T THAT.

YES, IT IS THAT.

NOW I'M SORRY WE DIDN'T CATCH THE 7:00.

HONEY, I'LL MEET YOU AT THAT GATE AT 9:45.

OH, I'M AFRAID TO LET YOU GO.

WHY?

SHE'LL TRY TO TALK YOU OUT OF IT.

I'VE ALWAYS FELT THAT.

DON'T WORRY, JOHN. I'LL BE THERE.

YOU KNOW WHY?

IT'S A SECRET, BUT I'LL TELL YOU.

IT'S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

WILL YOU REMEMBER THAT?

I'LL TRY.

YOU TAKE CARE OF THE LUGGAGE.

TOD.

OH, HERE YOU ARE.

COME ON, THIS WAY.

SAY, WHAT IS THIS THING YOU WANT TO TELL ME?

WELL, TOD, YOU SEE, IT'S ABOUT--

OH, TOD! LINDA! HELLO, DARLING!

TOD, DARLING!

OH, THE TRAFFIC WAS TERRIBLE.

WE JUST GOT HERE.

WELL, I SEE YOU GOT HERE FIRST, LINDA.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS?

OH, NOW, THEODORE.

NEVER HAVING BEEN A BRIDE YOURSELF,

YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW MUCH THERE IS TO DO.

I HOPE YOUR HEADACHE'S BETTER, LINDA.

YOU MADE A LIAR OUT OF ME, LINDA.

I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU HERE.

BUT I'M GLAD TO SEE THAT YOUR HEAD CLEARED UP.

DON'T BE. IT HASN'T.

WHAT'S THAT, PET?

I HAVEN'T ANY IDEA

OF GOING THROUGH WITH THIS THING.

WELL, LET'S GO. I RESERVED A TABLE AT THE TAVERN.

OH, HURRY UP, UNCLE.

NO, NO. YOU FOLKS RUN ALONG.

I HAVE SOME BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO.

PLEASE JOIN US.

CAN'T IT WAIT?

OH, NO. I'M AFRAID IT CAN'T WAIT.

THIS IS SOMETHING I'VE BEEN PUTTING OFF MUCH TOO LONG.

I'LL JOIN YOU LATER. GOOD-BYE.

GOOD NIGHT.

THEY'RE TOGETHER.

STAY WITH THAT CAB.

IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU, DEAR?

OH, IT'S MY HEADACHE AGAIN.

I MAY HAVE TO BE EXCUSED, TOD.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS, YOU'RE GONNA SEE HISTORY MADE

IN THE NEXT 2 HOURS. 17.

THE BOY HAS $900 MORE COMING TO HIM.

WHEN HE WINS THAT, STALL HIM.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, STALL HIM?

OH, LET HIM WIN 500, LET HIM LOSE 2.

LET HIM WIN 3. YOU KNOW.

THERE'S A GUY IN THE OFFICE WANTS TO SEE YA, HARRY.

OH, THANK YOU.

11 IS THE WINNER, ODD.

WELL, WELL, THE OLD WALRUS HIMSELF.

WITH A PAIN IN BOTH TUSKS, THANKS TO YOU.

I WANT AN EXPLANATION OF THIS LITTLE CONSPIRACY AGAINST ME.

CONSPIRACY? OH, YOU MEAN LINDA AND THE BOY.

SHE TOLD ME THAT WAS ENTIRELY HER AFFAIR.

GIVING AWAY $15,000 OF MY HARD-EARNED MONEY?!

BUT LINDA ASSURED ME YOU HAD NO PART

IN THIS TRANSACTION, OLD BOY.

MUST YOU BELIEVE THE EVERY SYLLABLE

OF A LOVESICK SHOP GIRL?

I CAN SEE WHY YOU WERE CASHIERED FROM THE ARMY.

NOW, LET'S KEEP PERSONALITIES OUT OF THIS.

AND WHATEVER THE SITUATION,

I'M IN HEARTY AGREEMENT WITH WHAT SHE'S DOING.

WELL, WELL, WHAT HAVE WE HERE?

A SENTIMENTALIST, PERHAPS.

SHE'S A GRAND GIRL. GIVE HER A BREAK.

I CAN'T AFFORD TO.

AND WHAT'S MORE, NEITHER CAN YOU.

YOU UPSET MY APPLECART, AND I'LL UPSET YOURS.

I WANT MY 15,000 BACK. WELL?

SOMEHOW, WARREN, YOU ALWAYS BRING OUT THE HEEL IN ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

PERHAPS IT'S BECAUSE I KNOW

WHERE SO MANY OF YOUR BODIES ARE BURIED.

BE SURE THAT HE'S THOROUGHLY DRY-CLEANED.

YES. GIVE THAT TO JACK.

IT GIVES ME A COLD CHILL

TO THINK WHAT THAT WILL DO TO HER.

NUMBER 8 WINS.

ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO AGAIN.

PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

ALL BETS DOWN.

NUMBER 9, ODD.

WHAT?!

IT WAS NUMBER 9, SIR.

YOU WERE ON NUMBER 7.

WAS I? THAT'S FUNNY.

THAT'S THE THIRD TIME IT'S HAPPENED, TOO.

JUST 2 NUMBERS OFF.

WHAT'S THE MATTER? DID YOU SLIP UP SOMEWHERE?

OH, SURE. I'VE BEEN PUTTING "X" IN THE WRONG PLACE.

PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

WELL, I'M GONNA FOLLOW MY OWN HUNCH.

THAT'S IT. WELL, HERE'S WHERE I WIN IT ALL BACK.

17.

HOLD YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

15 WINS.

BUT IT CAN'T BE.

IT CAN'T BE.

NUMBER 11 WINS.

I THOUGHT SO!

YOU DOUBLE-CROSSER!

I'M SORRY, LINDA.

AND YOU! YOU!

YOU KNOW, MY DEAR,

IT'S BECOMING VERY OBVIOUS

THAT YOU'RE A 10-CENT BABY

IN A MILLION-DOLLAR BUSINESS.

I SHOULD'VE EXPECTED THIS!

YOU'RE ALL STOMACH!

THERE ISN'T ANY ROOM FOR A HEART.

NO NEED FOR IMPERTINENCE.

IT'S REALLY FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

NUMBER 3.

STOP IT! STOP IT! YOU'VE GOT TO LISTEN TO ME.

YOU'RE THE ONLY HUMAN BEING IN THIS ROOM.

IT'S HIS LIFE YOU'RE ROBBING HIM OF--11 YEARS OF IT--

11 YEARS OF GOING WITHOUT EVERYTHING, SAVING PENNIES,

GOING WITHOUT LIVING. GIVE IT BACK TO HIM.

HE NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU. HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO HIM?

MIGHT I ASK HOW YOU CAN DO THIS TO ME?

WALKING OUT WHEN, BY JUST LENDING YOUR MERE PRESENCE,

I COULD HAVE ALL THE THINGS I'VE ALWAYS WANTED.

OH, WARREN, YOU CAN GET SOMEBODY ELSE.

WHEN LILLIAN LEFT, YOU GOT ME.

BARGAIN BASEMENTS ARE FILLED WITH LINDA WORTHINGTONS.

UNFORTUNATELY, DARLING,

TOD FENWICK'S IN LOVE WITH YOU,

NOT SOMEBODY ELSE.

OH, WARREN, YOU CAN BE SUCH A NICE GUY

WHEN YOU WANT TO BE. YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.

YOU'RE JUST SORE.

GIVE IT BACK TO HIM. YOU DON'T NEED IT.

YOU'RE AFTER BIG MONEY. WHY, 15,000 TO YOU IS ONLY...

CHICKEN FEED. OF COURSE.

AND IF I GIVE IT BACK, WHAT THEN?

YOU'LL PROMPTLY RUN OFF WITH HIM.

AH, THERE'S THE RUB.

HE GETS YOU ALONG WITH THE CHICKEN FEED,

AND YOU'RE MY GOLDEN GOOSE.

OH, ALL RIGHT. LET HIM LOSE EVERY CENT.

WE DON'T NEED THE MONEY. WE CAN GO AWAY WITHOUT IT.

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE HE'LL SAY

WHEN HE DISCOVERS YOU STOLE HIS LIFE SAVINGS?

AND AFTER TONIGHT,

IT'LL LOOK AS IF YOU DID IT TWICE.

YOU WON'T TELL HIM ANYTHING.

YOU WOULDN'T DARE SHOW YOUR FACE TO HIM.

YOU WOULDN'T RISK IT.

WHAT RISK? I WAS AN INNOCENT, TOO.

NATURALLY I PUT ALL THE BLAME ON YOU.

AND I HAVE WAYS OF DOING THINGS.

HE WON'T BELIEVE YOU.

HE'LL BELIEVE THE CROUPIER, WHOM, SHALL WE SAY,

YOU BRIBED TO SABOTAGE HIS BRILLIANT SYSTEM.

I'LL SAY IT WAS A LIE.

A POOR BOOKKEEPER WHO'S LOST $30,000

WILL BE IN NO MOOD TO LISTEN TO THE LADY

WHO SO COLD-BLOODEDLY GYPPED HIM.

HE WON'T BELIEVE IT. HE WON'T BELIEVE IT.

GIVE HIM HIS MONEY BACK.

GLADLY. I'LL BE ONLY TOO HAPPY

TO GIVE HIM HIS LITTLE BOAT

IN EXCHANGE FOR MY LITTLE PLACE

IN THE COUNTRY. ISN'T THAT FAIR?

AM I ASKING SO MUCH?

YOU'RE RIDING FOR A FALL, BABY.

WE'RE ONLY TRYING TO SAVE YOU FROM IT.

HE WANTS A BOAT--

A SILLY, IMPRACTICAL DREAM.

THAT'S WHAT HE REALLY WANTS,

AND LET'S GIVE IT TO HIM.

YOU'RE VERY CLEVER, WARREN.

YOU'VE CLOSED UP ALL THE EXITS.

HE WANTED SOMETHING MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD.

MAYBE IT WAS SILLY, AND MAYBE IT WAS IMPRACTICAL,

BUT I TOOK IT AWAY FROM HIM,

AND I'M GONNA GIVE IT BACK TO HIM.

GIVE HIM HIS MONEY!

HARRY, ATTEND TO IT.

GIVE THAT TO FRED.

LINDA.

LINDA, YOU KNOW I HATE TO PLAY ROUGH,

BUT I'M AFRAID IF YOU'RE TO MARRY MR. FENWICK ON SUNDAY,

MR. WHEELER WILL HAVE TO LEAVE TOWN TONIGHT

WITHOUT YOU.

A LITTLE NOTE, SHORT AND TO THE POINT,

WILL PROBABLY BE THE QUICKEST, THE SIMPLEST.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. MAKE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

WELL, YOU MIGHT AS WELL TAKE THE LAST OF IT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ME.

HOLD ALL BETS.

NUMBER 8 WINS.

I KNEW IT HAD TO START WORKING SOMETIME.

"I WAS A FOOL TO THINK IT COULD EVER WORK OUT.

"AT FIRST, I HAD SILLY HOPES,

"BUT THERE ARE SOME BARRIERS

"THAT ARE INSURMOUNTABLE.

WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT WORLDS."

YES. SHORT AND TO THE POINT.

THIS OUGHT TO SEND HIM ON HIS WAY.

NUMBER 6 WINS.

NUMBER 10 WINS.

PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

WHAT DOES THAT MAKE IT, PROFESSOR?

16,000 EVEN.

LET IT RIDE. YOU'LL BREAK THE PLACE.

NO, THAT'S ALL I HAVE TIME FOR.

CAN I HAVE 16 BROWNS?

OH, LOOK, SIR. I KNOW WHAT I'D DO.

WHAT?

WELL, 35 TIMES 1,000

ADDS UP TO ANOTHER 35,000.

GO AHEAD, GO AHEAD.

ALL RIGHT. JUST ONE MORE.

PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

PLACE YOUR BETS.

PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

HOLD YOUR BETS.

NUMBER 5 WINS.

OH, TOO BAD. YOU LOSE.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I ONLY NEEDED 15.

I'LL LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET.

I FOUND OUT SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TONIGHT.

MY SYSTEM ISN'T INFALLIBLE.

BESIDES, I HAVE TO CATCH A PLANE.

CALLING MR. WHEELER.

FLIGHT 7. YOUR PLANE IS READY.

MR. WHEELER. YES?

FROM MISS WORTHINGTON.

CALLING MR. WHEELER.

CALLING MR. WHEELER.

YOUR PLANE IS READY.

MISS WORTHINGTON GAVE THIS TO YOU?

YES, SIR. IS THERE ANY MESSAGE?

WHAT?

IS THERE ANY MESSAGE, SIR?

NO. NO MESSAGE. NO.

GOOD NIGHT, SIR.

CALLING MR. WHEELER.

YOUR PLANE IS READY, MR. WHEELER.

MR. WHEELER! MR. WHEELER!

HEY, MR. WHEELER!

JUST A MINUTE! MR. WHEELER! HEY!

MR. WHEELER! MR. WHEELER, HEY!

JUST A MINUTE. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WAIT A MINUTE!

MR. WHEELER. HEY. GEE, I'M ALL OUT OF BREATH.

LUCKY I CAUGHT UP WITH YA. I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING YOU HIGH AND LOW.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WELL, I WAS ON MY WAY TO JERSEY CITY,

AND SHE THREW ME OFF THE TRAIL, BUT I FOUND HER.

MR. WHEELER, THE PLANE'S ABOUT TO TAKE OFF.

NOW, LOOK, CAN'T YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING?

ARE YOU DEAF? I FOUND THE CROOKS.

MR. WHEELER, THIS PLANE CAN'T WAIT.

YEAH, WELL, GOOD-BYE, MISTER. YOU DID? WHERE?

LOOK. DID YOU EVER SEE THAT GUY BEFORE?

CAPTAIN BEASLEY. SURE, SURE, THAT'S HIM!

CAPTAIN, MY EYE! HE'S THE RINGLEADER.

AND LOOK, DID YOU EVER SEE THAT OLD TOMATO?

WELL, SURE. THAT'S HER MOTHER.

THAT'S MISS WORTHINGTON'S MOTHER.

HER MOTHER, MY FOOT.

SHE'S THAT FAT GUY'S PARTNER.

PARTNER? YEAH.

NO, THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE. I KNOW MRS. WORTHINGTON.

YOU DO, EH? WELL, HERE. LAST BUT NOT LEAST.

IT'S LINDA.

LINDA, MY EYE.

LOOK. HER RIGHT NAME'S MILLER, SUSIE MILLER.

SUSIE? NO. NO, YOU'RE ALL MIXED UP.

NO, IT'S YOUR TOOTSIE, ALL RIGHT.

THEY WERE ALL WORKIN' IN CAHOOTS.

YOU MEAN SHE WAS IN IT?

WAS SHE IN IT? THEY USED HER AS A DECOY,

AND YOU WAS ONLY ONE OF THEIR DEAD DUCKS.

OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

WHY, ONLY 2 HOURS AGO, I NEARLY HAD HER PINCHED,

BUT SHE TOOK A POWDER.

2 HOURS AGO?

"WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT WORLDS."

CERTAINLY WAS A SLICK LITTLE NUMBER.

AND THEY'VE HAD DOZENS BEFORE HER. MARY, DOLORES--

YOU MEAN SHE ISN'T A SOCIETY GIRL?

AW, SHE COMES FROM BROOKLYN.

WENT TO PUBLIC SCHOOL NUMBER 18,

FLUNKED IN ARITHMETIC AND ALGEBRA,

QUIT SCHOOL, WENT TO WORK AT STUYVESANT'S SELLIN' GIRDLES,

WAS PICKED UP BY THESE 2 SOCIETY CROOKS

IN THE SPRING OF, UH...

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

LET'S CALL THE POLICE. LET'S ARREST SOMEBODY.

WHERE ARE THEY?

TOGETHER, PROBABLY.

SHE'LL GO AHEAD AND WARN THEM.

THAT NIGHTCLUB'S THEIR HANGOUT.

COME ON. LET'S GO.

NO. YOU KEEP OUT OF THIS.

I'LL HANDLE IT MY OWN WAY.

BE CAREFUL. THEY'RE DANGEROUS PEOPLE.

YOU'RE LIABLE TO BE SHOT DEAD OR SOMETHIN'.

OH, YEAH? YEAH.

I'M NOT AFRAID OF 'EM.

WELL, THE PLANE IS OFF,

AND OUR MR. WHEELER IS SAFELY ON HIS WAY.

LET'S DRINK TO THE END

OF OUR LITTLE FAMILY QUARREL AND TO SUNDAY.

DRINK IT, KID. GET STINKING.

YOU WON'T WAKE UP UNTIL HE CARRIES YOU

OVER THE THRESHOLD.

IT'S A THRESHOLD FOR ALL OF US, MY PET.

PUT 'EM UP.

DON'T ANYBODY REACH FOR HIS GUN.

ONE FALSE MOVE, AND I'LL BLOW YA ALL

TO KINGDOM COME.

JOHN.

SO WE MEET AGAIN, CAPTAIN BEASLEY.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS FOR A LONG TIME.

THERE--THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE, OLD BOY.

PUT 'EM UP.

HELLO, MOTHER. SO YOU DIDN'T APPROVE OF ME, HUH?

DON'T MOVE. THE JIG IS UP.

I MAY LOOK DUMB, BUT I'VE BEEN UP AGAINST YOUR TYPE BEFORE.

WELL, TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS GAME.

JOHN, I--

ALL RIGHT, SO YOU TOOK ME FOR A JOYRIDE.

ALL RIGHT, BUT YOU LET HER ALONE. UNDERSTAND?

GET BEHIND ME. BUT I--

GET BEHIND ME.

OPEN THE DOOR.

IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YA, DON'T ANYBODY FOLLOW US.

YE GODS! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING SO CORNY?

EXCUSE ME.

HEY, WHAT'S COOKIN'?

AH, SO YOU CAUGHT HER, EH?

YES, I CAUGHT HER.

WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?

YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM. THEY'RE STILL INSIDE.

RIGHT. BUT YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR EYE ON HER.

SHE'S PRETTY SLIPPERY.

HERE. THIS'LL HOLD HER.

DON'T LET HER GET AWAY.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

MARRY YOU, OF COURSE.

BUT I'M AS GUILTY AS THEY ARE. I--

I KNOW. I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT.

YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING.

COME ON. WE STILL GOT TIME TO CATCH THE LAST PLANE.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. WE HAVEN'T GOT THE KEY.

WHAT DO WE NEED IT FOR?

SORRY, OFFICER.