All language subtitles for American_Dad_S20E01

It's the grand opening
of langley's first-ever

Grand grocer,
and the stars are out!

That's right, greg.

All the city's top elite
are in attendance.

Quiet, trish! Mayor garfield's
about to speak!

I inaugurate unto this town
a most glorious mercantile

That I understand is
to be racially integrated?

[ whispers ]

Let's just cut the blasted
ribbon already

And let in the kind
of despicable work-shy lunkheads

Who attend
a grocery store opening.

[ cheers and applause ]
gro-cer-y store!

Gro-cer-y store!

♪♪

♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪

♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪

♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪

♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the american race ♪

♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say

♪ good --
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪

Aah!

♪ good morning, u.S.A.

This place
has everything!

It's so smart.

People come to get fish, they
see the beautiful fish, right?

They're smelling the big fish
smells, listening to

The high-powered sink
washing bloody scales

Off the thick forearms
of the fish-chopping men.

What are they gonna be?
Hungry, right?

"I already
wanted fish later,

But now I'm hungry
for fish now."

A sushi bar right here?
Boom!

It's so smart.

But what if you drop a top-
quality piece of yellowtail,

Dripping in
wasabi-thickened soy sauce,

Right on your new
"life is good" t-shirt?

Oh, no!
Boom!

Dry cleaner
right there.

It's just so smart.

Hold up, I gotta nab
a real quick prescription

At this convenient-as-hell
pharmacy.

Boom!

A climbing wall?

Lure a bunch of
lean climbers in,

Let them grip around till
they're half-mad with hunger,

Then turn them loose
in a grocery store?

It's smart, francine,
like you've been saying.

I see you're taking
liflafluvia.

Let me go over
some of the side--

I've taken
liflafluvia before.

I get all the side effects,
every last one.

Leg bloat, numb fingers,
ear closure, memory loss,

Phantom tail, and last
but not least, memory loss.

Sounds like it's hard
on your body.

What do you take it for?
I forget.

Wha?

No [bleep] way!

What are you
doing here?

I came to check it out.
Us too. Insane.

When are the three of us
ever together?

We should get a drink.

Aw, too bad we're in
a normal grocery store.

As if!

To the grand grocer!

What was once
a korean war memorial

Is now finally something
we can use!

Can I say how nice it's been
coming here every day

This month
with you guys?

Klaus has been all over me
about my drinking,

And these mid-morning drinks
are really helping me relax.

It's certainly
enriched my life.

Just staring at the bank
over there has me this close

To opening my first
checking account.

It's an odd duck,
the grocery store bank.

It's a real bank --

Vault, guard,
everything -- but...

Something always made me think
it'd be easier to...

Never mind, must be
the third midori sour

Before 11:00 a.M.
Talking.

Easier to rob? Sure.
I've thought that too.
You have?

Yeah, I see it.

All the distraction
of a grocery store

Gives the robber
good cover.
Totally agree.

Also, I'm hammered.
I need food.

These olive bar olives
are mixing nicely in my stomach

With the martini olives.

How would someone
rob the bank,

If they were gonna
do it?

You know, for banks,
protocol during a robbery

Is not to risk
human life.

Guards only shoot
if they see a weapon.

Huh, so the worst thing
to bring to a robbery...

Is a gun.

Give me all the money,
or I shoot.

You got a gun?
You bet.

Let me see it.
Check it.

[ grunting ]

Just terrible.
Awful.

You know what
isn't awful, though?

The marcona almonds
they're putting out

At this olive station.

Holy shit!

Okay, so guns
wouldn't work.

The real issue is
how to do a robbery

Without being identified.

Well, if there's one thing
I know, it's disguises.

Hey, sweets.
Long day, am I right?

I'm the new armored truck
driver. We've never met.

Here to pick up the cash.
I'm new.

Sure,
what's the 10-digit code?

No prob, beautiful.
That 10-digit code is

I-got-a-gun-here-it-is.

[ grunting ]

Just awful!

That bloodthirsty guard
is a big problem.

Wait, where is he?
It's 12:15.

That's when they put out
the rotisserie chickens,

And he gets one
every day.

He gets one every day!

And that's when we'd rob the --
wait, what am I saying?

I'm a lawman!
To this day,

I'm hot under the collar
about al capone's antics!

You gotta relax, stan.
No one is robbing anything.

It's just a simple
thought experiment.

Yeah, and here's
a thought.

What if you got someone else
to rob the bank for you?

What if you got, hear me out,
a cake to rob the bank?

[ telephone rings ]
they take a lot of orders
over the phone

And never seem
to give much thought

To what people want
written on them.

24-inch sheet cake.
The message?

"sorry glen,
you are not the father."

You want that delivered,
darlin'?

They deliver, huh?

The message?

"you're being robbed.

Give me all your money."

You want cursive or print?

My cursive ain't great.

Time for big baby
to get his chicky.

Cake delivery.

Hey, burg-a-lars,
where do I put the money?

Smoosh it in the cake?
Seems stupid.

We're not stupid!
I think I know where
the money should go.

Peep this.

Janitorial
to kombucha bar.

Then you can call in,
access the pa

Without even being
in the store.

But you'd need
the dial-in code.

It's 1-4-3.

I sawr it.

Oh, wow, so it could go
like this...

"this is a robbery.

Put the money
in your waste basket,

Then lock yourself
in the vault."

Wait a second.

That's 68 letters.
You're gonna need a bigger cake.

♪♪

Waste basket full
at bank counter.

Janitorial to bank counter,
please.

♪♪

Then we'd grab the money
from that dumpster

And walk out
through the loading dock!

No, there's cameras
outside.

Excuse me.
Go around me.

No cameras here.

What if we hid the cash
in a bag of flour,

Then put it
in that reshelving area?

Then it'd go back
on the shelves.

And,
using a burner phone...

Ooh, burner phone!

...We order an instoshopper
to pick it up,

And they deliver
the money right to us.

We'll have to be in the bathroom
to put the money in the flour,

But the only people doing things
on camera would be the baker,

The janitor, the reshelver,
and the instoshopper.

And after the instoshopper
delivered the cash,

We could change his tip
to zero.

Double heist.

Did we think
of everything?

Maybe.

Steve: Look,
they're not responding

To emails or phone calls
for what seems like years.

I think we have to face
the very real possibility

That mah mah
and baba...

Have died.

Oh, no.

Dye packs.

The tellers put dye packs in
with the money.

♪♪

[ tires screech ]

[ cries ]

Where'd they go?
Baba!

The dye packs are activated by
a battery-powered transmitter.

If the money gets too far
from the bank, it explodes.

Try to tamper with a dye pack,
it explodes.

How long does
the battery last?
Top of my head?

504 hours.
Three weeks.

So if the money doesn't move,
the dye pack won't explode?

What if the dye packs
weren't a problem?

What if they were
the solution?

Listen, even if we could
get away with it,

The cops would still be
looking for the money.

But you know the kind of
stolen money no one looks for?

Greek...Money?

The kind of money they think
they've already found.

I put the real money
in the rice.

And in the flour...

Stan: Counterfeit money,
counterfeit dye.

♪♪

[ tires screech ]

A rather ingenious plan
foiled.

Money destroyed
but accounted for.

Case closed.

[ beeping ]

♪♪

And then we'd bring
the money here,

To this beautiful
nearby hill.

It doesn't have to be
in the plan,

But I'd really
like it to be.

My only loose end,

And I mean only,
is in the three weeks

We'd be waiting, someone
will surely buy the rice.

We'd put it
in brown rice.

Francine:
The perfect plan!

So I think we've all been
sleeping pretty badly

This week.
I'm sleeping great.

With those bags
under your eyes

And your lips looking
like sunbaked earthworms?

I don't think so.

If we need someone to say it,
I'll say it.

I think we should
rob the bank.

Roger, no!
Absolutely not.

It was
a thought experiment.

There's no point
to really robbing the bank.

The plan is the point!
It's perfect!

Maybe. Yeah, no. No way!
No! Never!

We're not the kind of people
that rob banks,

And even though we'd definitely
get away with it,

We'd always be haunted
by what we'd done.

Would it change your mind
if I told you

I've been thinking of us
as the three musketeers?

A bank robbed by a cake?

It's crazy but true,
as last night at our beloved

Grand grocer,
an attempted bank robbery

Began with a demand
written in icing

And ended with an unknowing
instoshopper covered in dye.

Police say it was
an ingenious plan,

But with the money
all blasted up and inky,

It looks like these thieves
won't get to have their cake

And steal it, too.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Nobody beats the boys in blue.

I can't believe you robbed
the bank without me!

But with stan to do the phone
and francine

To do the bathroom switch,

It must've been easy
to cut ol' roger out!

Technically, one person
could have done it all,

With the phone
in the bathroom.

Is that how you did it?!

I didn't rob the bank!

Well, I didn't
rob the bank!

[ gasps ] that's why no one
wanted to do it when I asked!

You'd already done it!

[ gasps ] that's why
you asked us to do it!

So we wouldn't think
you'd already done it!

[ gasps ] that's why
he gave us coffee!

He poisoned the co--
[ gags ]

I didn't poison the coffee.

And I didn't do the robbery.

Me neither.
Me neither.

But we all heard the news!

That was the first
half of our plan!

Which leaves
the second half.

How about we go down
to the store right now,

Check the rice section
for big bags of cash?

Sounds good to me.

How's it sound to you?
To both of you?

♪♪

Nothing.

So you moved it, huh?

Pretty cute,
stan and/or francine!

You hid it in the store
somewhere,

Just waiting out
the dye pack.

Stop acting like
it wasn't you!

It's always you!

Unless it was you,

My treacherous queen!

I'm the only one
I know isn't lying!

Isn't lying about what?

Isn't lying about...
My age!

I'm 17.

So I can't be tried
as an adult. Who are you?

Detective turlington. I'm
investigating the bank robbery.

Oh, really?
And how is that going?

The robbers didn't get
the money,

So it's not
a high priority.

Makes good sense.

So do you think
you have the money?

Be quiet, roger.
You'd like that,
wouldn't ya, ya snake?

Just saying, not everything's
what it seems in this world,

Money being real-wise.

Roger, that was stupid,
goading turlington like that!

I'm innocent
and I've nothing to fear!

I didn't do it, but we've got
a whiteboard

With the perfect plan
on it!

And I don't want
the cops involved,

Because when I figure out
which one of you did this,

I'm gonna whap the top
of your foot with a hammer.

I demand
to search your things!

I have nothing to hide.
You cool with that, stan?

Hella cool.
What about you, roger?

Well, yeah. I have lots
of things to hide.

I'm a real sick ticket.
But I didn't do this!

Search away!

You weren't kidding,
roger.

I saw some truly
horrifying things.

But nothing to link you
to the robbery.

And you two
checked out.

Underwear all smells
nice and clean.

Is there a possibility
that maybe...

None of us did it?

Oh, another team of absolute
hottie geniuses

Figured out
the same perfect robbery?

Unlikely.

Someone could have
overheard us.

I can be
a little shout-y.

I miss how it was yesterday,
when we were getting along

And not calling each other
snakes all the time.

Okay, then let's erase
this board in case

Turlington comes
poking around.

The three musketeers
again!

♪♪

All: A burner phone?

Snakes!
Betraying snakes!

[ hisses ]

I'm taking this phone
to turlington right now!

How do you like that?!
I'm absolutely
gaga about it!

It's not my phone,
so I like it a lot!

Don't test me!
Just come clean now!

This is your last chance,
whoever I'm speaking to!

Hot evidence,
coming through!

Detective turlington will be
with you in just a moment.

[ door closes ]

Oh, someone's hosed.

This phone is full
of evidence --

Calls to the bakery
and store intercom,

The instoshopper order,
videos of us -- wait, what?

Liflafluvia. It'll wipe our
memories for this whole day.

If we do the job right now,
during this window,

Stan won't be haunted
by any pesky guilt,

And none of us will be
witnesses to what we did.

Thus turning the perfect
heist into...

The perfect heist!
The perfect heist!

Alright, stan, you place
the cake order, then --

Wait, we almost forgot
to take the liflafluvia!

We all robbed the bank?

Oop! Almost forgot
the crucial liflafluvia.

That doesn't prove
we did it.

It just looks like we're getting
high in the basement,

Which is fine and cool.

There's a second video.
Goddammit.

We did it!
We robbed the bank!

I hear
you have evidence?

Yes.
A fingerprint.

A fingerprint?
Where is it?

It was...
On some ice.

But it melted.
So...We should go.

You're the people
from the rice aisle.

Is eating rice
a crime?!

You know,
we checked the cash.

Turned out it was fake,
as was the dye.

You said something
about that, right?

People say a lot of things
in the rice aisle, I don't know.

I think the cash is still
in the store

And the robbers are waiting for
the dye pack battery to run out.

I think, to me, that all sounds
like mumbo-jumbo, right?

I mean, what?
Total mambo-jambo.

We'll let you get back to your
impenetrable forensics,

You everyday hero!

If you're watching this, us,
you just pulled it off!

All you have to do
is go to grand grocer

To pick up the cash
when the battery dies.

We changed our minds on
the rice and found a cool

New hiding spot, and that spot
is inside the --

Holy smokes,
is that a wolf? !

My god.
That was so beautiful.

They really are like
gorgeous dogs.

I love seeing a wolf
after robbing a bank.

We gotta
destroy this phone.

Agreed.
Then we're free and clear.

Yes, let's.
But also...

We should
finish the job.
No. No way.

It's a miracle we've gotten
away with it so far.

It's not a miracle,
it's the perfect heist.

And I say, in a few weeks,
when the dye pack battery dies,

We go down there,
find the hidden money,

And finish this thing.

Turlington knows! He's going to
be all over that store. I'm out.

It's over, roger.
But we're the
three musketeers.

That was never something
I agreed to or understood.

That's a candy.

So I'm going to do it
myself?

[ siren wailing ]

♪♪

Need some help?

I can't stand the idea of a bank
getting its money back.

And I just watched
"the three musketeers"
with chris o'donnell.

I get it now.
He's cute and sexy.

All for one,
and one for all.

Ooh, I like that.
Who says that?

Is it from something
or just you?

♪♪

Let's stay calm.

We just have to get
inside our minds

And figure out what we were
thinking when we hid the cash.

Let's get it
before the cops do.

Oh, also, we need honey
mustard pretzel nubbins.

We're out?!

Listen up.

$50,000 is hidden
somewhere within the store.

As of right now, the
dye pack battery is dead.

I believe the robbers will be
back for the money.

We have to catch them
or find it first.

Ideally, both.

Now, you guys have a reputation
for being the worst cops
in the country.

But I'm confident you're going
to serve this force

With distinction,
bravery, and --

Because we're cops, can we eat
anything in the store for free?

No.
What if we
search something

And now it's opened?
They can't sell it, right?

We could eat it then.

"cheddar" is slang
for money.

Is the money, like,
pushed into some cheese?

In the video, we said it was
a cool new hiding spot.

Is there somewhere
food is kept cool?

Not the rotisserie chickens,
those are hot.

Let's eat two each,
see if we get any ideas.

The freezer section!
That's cool!

Think the money
could be in here?

In the big
rubber ball thing?

Yeah.
Underneath the balls?

Yeah.
Oh, that's definitely
where it is.

Aah!

These balls
are under arrest!

If I know my own brain,
it has to be here,

Because these jimmy dean
breakfast nuggets

Are money in the bank.

Tamales! Like the saying,
"thassa lotta tamales!"

Whoa, these tamales
are a lotta tamales.

This isn't right.

That's it!

The triceratops!

Three horns,
one horn per friend!

It's empty.

But you're on
to something.

The hiding place could be
about us, our friendship.

Gold top nuts?
The best.

But the can's
too small.

Nuts.
Nuts.

Marcona almonds!

They're in the olive bar,

But they also carry
a big tub of them

That's so expensive,
no one could ever buy it!

The almonds.
That might actually be it!

And they're over there.
Look at the brand name!

Un heisti di perfetto!

I don't speak
much italian,

And I don't even think
that is italian,

But I think we
just found the cash.

Now, let's get out
of here.

If it isn't
the rice aisle gang.

I know what
you're doing here.

Whatever are you
talking about?

Oh, like you don't know...

That someone hid $50,000
somewhere in this store?

Why am I loud?
Do I sound loud to you?

Money riot!

I need that money
because I want it!

No, no, no, no, no!

Are you in there, money?

[ explosion ]

I have to deal
with this fireball.

Don 't you dare
use this fireball

As an opportunity
to escape my questioning.

[ people screaming ]

♪ this money's
tearing us apart ♪

[ tires screech ]
stan: This is it.

The perfect end
to the perfect heist.

And once again, gang, sorry
for dropping the almond tub

All the way down
the hill so many times.

Busted!
If you don't mind?

And here it is,
at long last, 50,000...

Almonds?

What?!
I mean, of course.

Uh, yeah, what'd you think
you were going to find?

The missing paintings of the
isabella stewart gardner museum?

[ laughs ] by the way,
store's on fire!

[ people screaming ]

My keys are in there!

So...

We didn't find it.

But it looks like no one else
will, either.

And we'll always have
the wonderful memory

Of nearly pulling off the perf--
what's this?

Dammit!
We took this again?

Well, we didn't
find the money,

And we won't remember
the heist, but...

I don't know.

At least we destroyed
the grocery store?

We loved
that grocery store.

We sure did.

♪♪

[ screaming ]

♪♪

Bye! Have a beautiful time!