All language subtitles for Acting Good s03e03 The Reverse Moo.eng

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Original subtitles

What�does�it�say?

Stephen�Harper's�sperm better�work.

Fok�yeah.

Fok�yeah?

My�eggs�are�pregs!

You're�gonna�be�a�dad!

(voice�distorting)�Paul?

Did�you�hear�me? You're�gonna�be�a�dad.

Paul�Jr.,�I�smelled�weed�coming out�of�your�bedroom�last�night.

So�what?�Uncle�Dean�says

you�used�to�smoke�that�shit�out of�a�plastic�bag.

(gasping)

What's�gotten�into�you, Paul�Jr.?

You�started�a�speakeasy,

you're�in�and out�of�bingo�prison.

Paul: And�worst�of�all?

I�seen't�you�cleaning your�mooey�jeet�in�the�sink!

Where�do�you�get this�stuff�from?

Isn't�it�obvious?�From�Dad.

No�son�of�mine�will act�like�a�son�of�mine!

-�Fuck�you,�Dad. -�Paul:�What�did�you�say?!

Are--�are�you�okay?

(gasping)

If�you�think�you're�taking�off to�Winnipeg,�think�again.

I�had�you�chipped!

(beeping)

?�Yes,�I�can�love�you,�baby�?

?�All�night�long�?

That�was�Donny�Danger and�the�Five�Finger�Fillet

with�"I�Left�My Ring�Finger�in�Bloodvein."

And�if�you're�wondering�why�my voice�is�so�buttery�smooth,

I�just�upgraded�to the�Vocalschmoodin�B-Niner.

It's�the�Bung�Bologna of�microphones.

The�damn�thing�cost�me�five hundred�and�fifty�bucks,

so�for�the�next�little�while,

ol'�Roger�is�going�to be�selling�radio�spots.

So,�send�in�your�ads and�I'll�read�'em.

Okay.�Here�we�go.

(soft�piano�music�playing)

"Looking�for a�place�to�get�stuff?

Yeah�Man�is�having�a�sale on�Dean's�Weiner�Water�Soup."

(app�beeping�like�sonar)

"All�the�flavour�of�a�hot�dog

but�now�in�a�grey cloudy,�greasy,�liquid."

"Yeah�man!"

(gasping)

I'm�scared�Rose.

And�it's�not�like,�"the�store's run�out�of�chips"�scared.

Well,�what�did�you�do�when the�store�ran�out�of�chips?

I�punched�Greg in�the�back�of�the�head.

Okay. And�then,�what�did�you�do?

I�ate�some�ice�cream.

See?�You�moved�on and�you�got�over�it.

No,�I�didn't.�I�found�out where�Greg�was�staying,

and�then�I�winded�him!

Okay,�point�is,�you're�scared because�it's�important�to�you,

and�you�want�to�be�a�good�dad.

Fucking�Greg.

Shoulda�gave�me�a�heads-up�next time,�put�up�a�bulletin.

Okay,�seriously, let�it�go.

I�think�I'm�just�scared�because our�baby�won't�have�my�DNA.

And�if�I�can't�give�it�that, what�else�do�I�have�to�offer?

Well,

he'll�have�your�keen sense�of...

You�know?

And,�I�mean, you�almost�never...

You�have�really�pretty...

Your�life�is�so... (chuckling)

You�know?

Point�is, you're�gonna�be�a�great�dad.

How?�I�don't�even�have my�stupid�high�school�diploma.

You�don't�need�a�piece of�paper�to�be�a�good�dad.

If�I�don't�have�my�diploma,

then�our�kids�are�gonna�think that�they�don't�need�theirs.

And�the�next�thing�you�know,

they're�washing�their�mooey�jeet in�the�sink,�just�like�me!

What?

That's�it,�Rose!

I'm�going�back to�high�school.

All�I�need�is�one�more�credit!

Wait.�So,�you�wash�your mooey�jeet�in�the�sink?

It�was�only one-and-a-half�times!

Hmph!

"Need�your�grass�cut, but�not�in�a�bad�way?

Hire�Little�Blue�for all�your�landscaping�needs.

All�you�have�to�do�is�provide the�equipment,�give�him�a�ride,

make�lunch,�and�wake�him�up.

Little�Blue's Come�Pick�Me�Up�Landscaping.

You�can�hire�me,�but�it doesn't�mean�I'm�coming."

I've�been�doing�Grouse�Lake radio�for�over�25�years,

and�now�I'm�making�five�bucks

to�read�an�ad�for Blue's�Landscaping.

(voice�breaking) I�feel�so�cheap.

So,�do�I�have�any�new�messages?

Oh,�right.

(clearing�throat) Of�course.

Uh,�there's�one�here�about de-wolfing�the�bingo�hall.

Mmm-hmm.

Nurse�Logan's�leaving the�Rez�forever,

and�Grouse�Lake�having too�many�bugs�outside.

What�was�that?

Too�many�bugs�outside.

Fuckin'�Chief�and�Council.

No,�the�other�one.

Oh,�wolf�in�the�bingo�hall.

The�other,�other�one.

But,�Jo, it�attacked�nine�people.

The�Logan�one!

Logan�is�leaving the�Rez�forever...

and�ever.

Oh.�Well...

That's... probably�for�the�best.

Yeah,�totally.

The�way�he�shit-talked bannock�at�Health�Week?

Fuck�that�guy.

Yeah.�I-I--�I'm�-- I'm�still�so�mad,

I...�might�just...

march�right�on�down to�the�nurse's�station,

just�to�make�sure�he�leaves.

Yeah,�get�him,�Jo.

Just�fuckin'�missin'�him.

Got�breakfast�all�over the�side�of�your�face.

Okay,�already.

You�look�so�handsome in�your�tearaways.

Did�you�remember�the�picture?

Yes.

Remember,�you're�going to�school�for�your�child.

Keep�it,�so�you�don't�forget.

-�Okay,�I'm�going�to�be�late. -�You're�not�going�to�be�late.

But�I�have�to�impress�the principal,�so�he�lets�me�in.

Would�you�relax? It's�summer�school.

There'll�be�plenty�of�space.

Did�you�cut�off the�crust�like�I�asked?

PB&J,�extra�J,�no�crusts.

You�cut�them in�little�triangles?

You�said�you�wanted�square.

Damn�it,�Stephen�Harper! You�don't�do�anything�right!

Hang�on. Let�me�take�a�picture�of�you.

(sighing)

So�fucking�lame!

There's�my�handsome�boy!

(camera�shutter�clicking)

Oh,�hi,�Logan.

I�heard�you�were�leaving.

Yeah,�contract�is�up.

Probably�for�the�best.

Looks�like�you�got a�new�nurse�coming.

By�the�sounds�of�it, she�won't�be�such�a�stickler.

Well,�that's�good.

Hopefully,�the�new�nurse�won't be�so�hard�on�our�bannock.

(sighing) That�really�made�people�mad.

You�know,�the�next�day,�I�woke up�with�a�moose�head�in�my�bed.

Who�would�do something�like�that?

Well,�don't�worry.

I�won't�let�the�door hit�my�ass�on�the�way�out.

Anyway,�what�did�you�want?

Nothing. (stammering)

I�didn't�just�come�here to...�see�you�off.

Weirdo.

You�know,�I�really wish�this�worked�out.

Grouse�Lake�had some�beautiful�things.

(scoffing) It�was�all�right.

I--�it's...

Whatever.�Where--

Where�are�you�going, by�the�way,�or�whatever?

Bunibonibee.

Okay,�cool.�Whatever.

(sighing)

Anything�else?

No.�It's�just...

like�you�said,�uh...

don't�let�the�door�hit�your tight�buns�on�the�way�out.

-�(door�opening) -�(sighing)

Paul:�Chickadee,�there�you�are! (chuckling)

You�want�to�walk to�school�with�me?

Who's�this?�Your�Uncle�Paul? What�is�he?�Like,�50?

Boy: Nice�tearaways,�bud.

Yeah,�my�guy, what�year�is�it?�1998?

Jesus! What's�up�with�these�teens,�man?

They�are�who�they�are. Cool�as�shit.

Hmph. I�don't�think�they're�that�cool.

What�did�you�say,�Discman?

You�guys�wanna�hear some�cool�music?

Oh,�yeah.�We�love�classic�rock.

What�you�got?

I�got�Rock�Rap�White�Boys.

I've�got�the�CCC�- The�Crazy�Clown�Clan.

I�also�got�Big�Shitty�Tunes Volume�15!

(sighing) Come�back�here!

Sorry,�there's�no�smoking�here.

Oh,�don't�worry. I'll�be�finished�in�a�minute.

Okay,�but�I'm-- I'm�actually�pregnant.

Oh,�trust�me,�the�first trimester�doesn't�even�count.

Sorry. Are�you�the�new�nurse?

Well,�I�ain't�Santa�Claus,

but�I�do�eat a�shit�ton�of�cookies.

(chuckling)

(coughing)

(hacking)

All...�right.

Let's�get�you�to the�nursing�station.

Oh,�great. Wanna�grab�my�bag,�sweetie?

Oh,�don't�worry.

Carrying�heavy�things is�good�for�the�baby.

Let's�go.

Thanks,�sweetie.

The�fok?

Sweetley�is�principal�now?

That's�right.

But�you--

Failed�you�back�in�grade�12.

-�All�because-- -�You�never�came�to�class.

-�And�now�you're-- -�The�principal...

of�the�new�high�school.

-�Who�keeps�on-- -�Finishing�your�sentences?

-�Oh,�for�fok's-- -�Sakes.

Let�me�guess,�you�couldn't�get your�girlfriend�pregnant

because�you're�sterile,

so�she�was�impregnated by�the�town�cuck,�and�now,

you're�feeling�insecure�as�a�new dad�because�you've�got...

nothing.

Now,�let�me�guess.

You�did�so�good�as�a�teacher

that�they�promoted�you to�principal,

and�now, your�salary�is�way�higher.

(sighing) What�do�you�want,�Paul?

We�already�hired�a�janitor.

Look,

I�know�you�hate�me,�but�I�need one�more�credit�to�graduate.

That's�true,�I�do�hate�you.

Let's�look�at your�old�file,�shall�we?

Ah. Looks�like�you�need�life�skills.

(chuckling) Which�makes�perfect�sense

because�you�suck�at�life.

What�do�you have�against�me,�man?

You�were�a�terrible�student. You�didn't�even�try.

Thought�you�could�joke�and smile�your�way�through�school.

I�see�what�this�is�about.

You're�mad�because�I�got everyone�to�call�you�"Shitley"

way�back�in�2002!

I�don't�know�what you're�talking�about.

You�suspended,�like,�19�kids that�day!�You�set�a�record!

I�was�doing�you a�favour�by�failing�you!

You�know�what? I'm�gonna�do�you�another�favour.

You're�gonna�let�me�back�in?

Only�so�I�can�watch you�fail�again.

And�you're�in�luck

because I'm�teaching�life�skills.

Fine,�then.

Five�strikes�and�you're�out.

Five�strikes? (chuckling)

Shit, I'll�give�you�one�right�now.

Fuck�you,�Shitley.

That's�strike�number�one.

Fuck�yeah.

Strike�number�two.

Three�more and�you're�out�of�here.

Man,�I�don't�even�know�what sport�you're�talking�about.

I'm�going�to�be�on�you like�brown�on�moo!

Paul:�Heh!

-�Chief�Jo? -�Huh?�What?�Nothing.

We�have�an emergency�health�crisis.

It�was�just one�piece�of�bannock.

What?�No.

This�new�nurse,�Margo...

she's�terrible.

Well,�what�do�you�care? You're�leaving�soon�anyways.

Or�are�you�trying�to�stay?

I'm�not�messing�around.

What�kind�of�nurse still�prescribes�leeches?

I'm�sure�she�had�her�reasons.

For�a�broken�arm?

Okay.

She�even�gave�Blue testosterone.

He's�just�a�kid.�Look.

He�looks�fine�to�me.

(deep�voice:) Oh,�yeah.

Logan: We�have�to�do�something.

I�can't�just�fire�her.

It'll�take�me�months�to�cut through�all�that�red�tape.

Unless...

She�quits.

(deep�voice:) Oh,�yeah.

Hey,�Discman.

Heard�you�got into�it�with�Sweetley.

-�Yeah,�that's�cool�bro. -�Fucking�cool.

Yeah,�it's�because�I'm�cool.

No,�you're�not,�but�if�you

really�want�to�be, you'll�come�with�us,

'cause�we're gonna�prank�Sweetley.

When�Sweetley�goes to�take�his�daily�dump,

we're�gonna�reverse�the plumbing,�so�when�he�flushes,

the�toilet�will�blow�his�shit right�back�up�his�ass.

The�old�reverse�moo.

Uh...

What's�the�matter? Are�you�scared?

Nah.�It's�just we�can�do�cooler�things,

like�listen�to�Limp�Bizkit, we�can�drink�energy�drinks,

all�at�the�same�time.

Oh,�shit.�Sorry,�son. We�thought�you�were�cool.

Just�hold�on�a�second.�God!

(sighing)

Stephen�Harper�(in�head:) Remember,�you're�going�to�school

for�your�child.

Keep�it�so�you�don't�forget.

Shut�the�fuck�up, Stephen�Harper.

Okay!�I'll�do�it!

Nice.

How�are�we�going to�get�her�to�quit?

I�have�got�some�ideas.

Ugh. What's�that�awful�smell?

(sniffing)

Hmm. Raw�fish.

Not�without�mustard.

Oh,�yeah.

-�Oh. -�Mmm...

(ghostly�moaning)

Leave�Grouse�Lake...

Just�voices�in�my�damn�head.

Nothing�a�swig of�iodine�can't�fix.

Ahh... Works�every�time.

(phone�ringing)

What�do�you�want?

Jo�(disguising�voice:) I�am�looking�for�a�patient.

First�initial�"G. Last�name�"T'Licker".

So,�you're�looking for�a�jeet�licker?

(laughing�quietly)

Well...�today's your�lucky�day.

I�get�off�of�work�at�five.

Hey.�What�the�hell?

How�come�he�hasn't�went for�his�daily�dump�yet?

Just�hang�on.�Fuck.

Uh,�Tavis, you'll�be�in�charge.

I�have�an�appointment.

I�have�to�take�a�call from�a...

parent�and�do some�budget�stuff.

Paul: Watch�out,�watch�out.

You�did�reverse the�toilet,�right?

Of�course,�I�did.

Maybe�we're�going too�far,�you�guys.

Too�late�now,�tearaways.

Maybe...�it's�not�working.

Just�wait.

(creaking)

-�Sweetley:�It's�a�reverse�moo! -�(water�rushing)

Yoho!

It's�all�going�back�in!

(water�slowing,�stopping)

You�five! In�my�office!

Now!

(students�giggling)

(Paul�sighing)

I�might�be�leaving,

but�I�can't�let�the�nursing station�turn�into�an�ashtray.

Jo: Hmm.�Mm-hmm.

Uh...

Margo: What?!

Oh,�God.

That�is�it.

I�can't�work�here.

No�smoking,�no�Margo.

I�quit.

Oh,�God.

(coughing)

(laughing) We�did�it!

I�guess�that�means�you�can�stay.

But�I'm�already�leaving.

Oh.

I�just�assumed�you'd stay�once�she�was�gone.

Well,�what�reason do�I�have�to�stay?

Because�I�l...

learned...

how�to�prank a�nurse�with�a�fish.

And�you're�sure�that's what�you�wanted�to�say?

Just�fish.

Just�fish?

Okay,�then.

Well,�I'll�see�you�around.

(sighing)

Because�it's�not. Let�me�tell�you�why.

First,�the�pain.

Water�is�supposed�to�be�life.

Second,�the�utter�humiliation.

Somehow,�I�lost�a�shoe.

And�three,�the�reverse�moo

goes�against�Creator's�plan.

It�comes�out, but�never�goes�back�in!

You�did�this.

This�is�all�your�fault.

You�ain't�got�shit�on�me.

This�is�gonna�be�your fifth�strike,�and�I�don't�care

if�you're�the�Chief's�daughter!

I�did�it!

I�reversed�the�pipes! And�you�know�what?

I'd�do�it�all�over�again!

Ha-ha!�Shitley!

All:�Shitley! Shitley!�Shitley!�Shitley!

That's�three�strikes!

You've�all�got�detention!

Selling�ads�to�pay�for my�new�mic�didn't�work.

At�least,�I�found�a�way to�pay�for�the�mic,

and�that's�by�selling�it.

Now,�if�you'll�excuse�me...

...just�gonna�hand�it�over.

-�(feedback�screeching) -�Oof!

(mouthing�words)

(voice�breaking:) I�can't�believe�he's�gone,

after�all�those�beautiful moments�we�had!

So,�I�understand that�you're�Chief�Jo

and�you�have�a�foot�fungus.

Nope.

It's�made�with cranberry�and�duck�fat.

Oh,�the�one�with--

Duck�fat?

We'll�obviously have�the�salad.

Obviously,�the�salad.

You�got�egg�on�your�face?

I'm�not�embarrassed�by a�little�bit�of�hard�work.

No,�I�mean�you�literally have�egg�on�your�face.

I�could�have�sworn we�had�more�memories.

Logan:�Jo!

Logan? (sniffling)

Hey.

Hey,�last�time�we�talked,

did�you�want�to say�more�than�just�"fish"?

Yeah.

Were�you�going�to�say that�you�wanted�me�to�stay?

(sniffling)

Only�if�you�want�to.

Then,�I�want�to.

(deep�voice:) Oh,�yeah.

Hey,�kid.�You�did�all�right.

-�You're�one�of�us�now,�bro. -�Fucking�cool,�man.

Hey,�Uncle�Tearaways, when�we're�done�here,

we're�gonna�go�smash�some bottles�on�some�rocks.

-�Wanna�come�along? -�You�means�it?

Thanks,�guys.

I�think�I�found�his�shoe.

All:�Shitley! Shitley!�Shitley!�Shitley!

Shitley!�Shitley!

Paul:�Shitley!�Shitley! Shit--�oh,�okay.

You�guys�are�done?

Don't�worry,�I�got�this!

Friends... Shitley!�Shitley!

Fuckin'�stinks�in�here!

?

(singing�in�Indigenous�language)

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