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1
00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:07,934
That's 28...29...30.
2
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,334
It's my daughter's
first job.
3
00:00:11,334 --> 00:00:14,033
I'm making her
a scrapbook.
4
00:00:14,033 --> 00:00:17,300
Mother are you going come in
and humiliate me every day?
5
00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:20,000
No, just till
it ain't fun no more.
6
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:23,000
Becky, you look
so cute in your
little smock.
7
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,567
I was at her birth.
8
00:00:24,567 --> 00:00:29,000
She weighed no more
than this head
of lettuce.
9
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,167
Just kill me now.
10
00:00:31,167 --> 00:00:32,601
Thanks a lot.
11
00:00:32,601 --> 00:00:34,234
O.k., o.k., my turn.
12
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:36,834
And I've got coupons!
13
00:00:36,834 --> 00:00:38,501
Whoo-hoo!
14
00:00:38,501 --> 00:00:41,634
You know these paper
towels are on sale.
15
00:00:41,634 --> 00:00:43,200
Yep, 2 for .89.
16
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,400
Ooh, she's good!
17
00:00:48,734 --> 00:00:50,133
What's this?
18
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,467
Grapes.
19
00:00:51,467 --> 00:00:52,968
This is three grapes.
20
00:00:52,968 --> 00:00:55,334
How can I charge you
for this?
21
00:00:55,334 --> 00:00:58,467
I ate about
seven or eight of them.
22
00:00:58,467 --> 00:01:01,267
I believe I also
had four grapes.
23
00:01:01,267 --> 00:01:05,300
So charge me for, what,
10, 11, 15 grapes.
24
00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:07,968
We charge by the pound,
not the grape.
25
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:11,200
I know what
I weighed before
eating the grapes.
26
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:12,934
I'll climb
on this scale...
27
00:01:12,934 --> 00:01:16,067
Mom, stop it.
People are waiting in line.
28
00:01:16,067 --> 00:01:17,634
Becky?
29
00:01:22,968 --> 00:01:24,667
What's the problem here?
30
00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:26,801
Nothing, Howard.
Everything's fine.
31
00:01:26,801 --> 00:01:30,467
You've got customers
and a belt that's not moving.
32
00:01:30,467 --> 00:01:32,033
Make it move.
33
00:01:32,033 --> 00:01:33,767
O.k., I'm sorry.
34
00:01:33,767 --> 00:01:36,667
Becky, if this job's
too much for you,
35
00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:38,467
I can get somebody
competent to take over.
36
00:01:38,467 --> 00:01:40,901
Howard the longer
you stand here
and insult me,
37
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,901
The longer it'll
take to check these
people through.
38
00:01:43,901 --> 00:01:46,334
If you go back to
your manager cage,
39
00:01:46,334 --> 00:01:48,067
We can both
get our work done.
40
00:01:48,067 --> 00:03:02,767
That's a keeper.
41
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,801
No, mother, you've
done the right thing.
42
00:03:06,801 --> 00:03:08,868
I've been telling you
to do that the whole time.
43
00:03:08,868 --> 00:03:12,434
You should have kicked
his sorry butt out
before thanksgiving.
44
00:03:12,434 --> 00:03:13,934
I know he's my father,
45
00:03:13,934 --> 00:03:15,868
But he's like
every other man--
46
00:03:15,868 --> 00:03:17,868
A lying sack of dirt.
47
00:03:18,901 --> 00:03:20,400
No, you'll be fine.
48
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,901
What did he
ever do for you?
49
00:03:22,901 --> 00:03:24,400
He knocked you up twice
50
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,901
And took the garbage out
on thursdays.
51
00:03:26,901 --> 00:03:28,968
Should we erect a statue?
52
00:03:28,968 --> 00:03:30,901
No, I won't talk to him.
53
00:03:30,901 --> 00:03:33,400
That man
is a giant pile of crap.
54
00:03:35,968 --> 00:03:37,501
No, I'm not yelling.
55
00:03:37,501 --> 00:03:40,434
I'm just saying
you did the right thing.
56
00:03:40,434 --> 00:03:41,934
Yes, you did!
57
00:03:41,934 --> 00:03:45,033
So what if you've got
adjacent burial plots?
58
00:03:45,033 --> 00:03:48,133
That's no reason
to stay married to somebody.
59
00:03:49,501 --> 00:03:51,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
60
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,501
I love you, too.
61
00:03:52,501 --> 00:03:55,501
Well, call me
if you need anything.
62
00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:56,934
All right. Bye.
63
00:03:56,934 --> 00:03:58,901
Boy, what a day I had.
64
00:03:58,901 --> 00:04:01,767
My father's little affair
in Kansas City
65
00:04:01,767 --> 00:04:04,267
has been going on
for 20 years.
66
00:04:04,267 --> 00:04:05,767
Not 2, 20.
67
00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:06,901
Whoa.
68
00:04:06,901 --> 00:04:09,000
Did your mom
throw him out?
69
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,434
Of course. She doesn't
have the strength
70
00:04:11,434 --> 00:04:13,934
To drive some ice pick
through his skull
71
00:04:13,934 --> 00:04:16,934
And drag his lifeless body
to some shallow grave.
72
00:04:18,767 --> 00:04:21,200
Sounds like you've
thought this through.
73
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,200
I like to think ahead.
74
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,634
How come the kids
ain't eating with us?
75
00:04:28,634 --> 00:04:31,467
Becky's still at work,
D.J.'s eating at Todd's,
76
00:04:31,467 --> 00:04:35,400
And Darlene's in her room
sacrificing a chicken
or whatever.
77
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,834
Macaroni and cheese!
78
00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:40,200
Together again.
79
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,601
Your phone's
been busy for an hour.
80
00:04:42,601 --> 00:04:44,701
I been on with mom.
81
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,934
Yeah? How's she doing?
82
00:04:46,934 --> 00:04:49,868
There won't be a bottle
of chardonnay
83
00:04:49,868 --> 00:04:51,868
Left in moline
by morning.
84
00:04:51,868 --> 00:04:55,033
What do you guys
got going tonight?
85
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:57,934
Well, we'll sit in here
until dinner's over.
86
00:04:57,934 --> 00:05:00,367
Then we'll go
sit in there.
87
00:05:07,567 --> 00:05:10,067
I got an overnight haul
to Topeka.
88
00:05:10,067 --> 00:05:13,133
I was going to stop
through Kansas City
89
00:05:13,133 --> 00:05:15,067
And check out
dad's mistress.
90
00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:16,567
What am I thinking, huh?
91
00:05:19,367 --> 00:05:20,934
I don't believe you.
92
00:05:20,934 --> 00:05:22,434
He told me her name.
93
00:05:22,434 --> 00:05:26,033
I looked it up
in information
and got her address.
94
00:05:26,033 --> 00:05:28,300
It's totally insane.
Are you coming?
95
00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:31,067
Why would I
want to do that?
96
00:05:31,067 --> 00:05:34,501
Dad's been having
an affair with her
for 20 years.
97
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,968
I want to see
what she looks like.
98
00:05:36,968 --> 00:05:39,234
What would we even
say to this woman?
99
00:05:39,234 --> 00:05:42,734
We can figure that out
on the way down there.
100
00:05:42,734 --> 00:05:44,734
No way!
101
00:05:44,734 --> 00:05:48,300
O.k. This little trip
will make a great story,
102
00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:52,767
And you'll just
be the big wuss
at the very beginning.
103
00:05:54,868 --> 00:05:56,300
I'm not going.
104
00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:57,634
O.k., fine.
105
00:05:57,634 --> 00:05:59,767
I'll see you
tomorrow night.
106
00:06:01,968 --> 00:06:04,968
She has no business
going to see this woman.
107
00:06:04,968 --> 00:06:08,133
Driving all the way
to Kansas City for what?
108
00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:10,234
They make great barbecue
sauce in Kansas City.
109
00:06:10,234 --> 00:06:12,667
I'll bring you back some.
110
00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:22,501
* On the road again *
111
00:06:22,501 --> 00:06:24,901
* Da da da da da da da *
112
00:06:24,901 --> 00:06:26,501
* Road again *
113
00:06:26,501 --> 00:06:28,767
* Da da da da da da da *
114
00:06:28,767 --> 00:06:30,534
* Da da da da da da da **
115
00:06:30,534 --> 00:06:32,100
Sing with me, Jackie.
116
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:35,033
I don't know
da da da da road again.
117
00:06:36,267 --> 00:06:37,767
What's this button for?
118
00:06:37,767 --> 00:06:39,200
Don't touch that!
119
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,767
Just stop
distracting me.
120
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,501
I'm operating
a 20-ton vehicle
121
00:06:42,501 --> 00:06:45,200
at well past
the legal
speed limit.
122
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,634
O.k.
123
00:06:46,634 --> 00:06:48,133
Can I drive?
124
00:06:48,133 --> 00:06:49,367
No!
125
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:52,067
You begged me to come
and now you're mean.
126
00:06:52,067 --> 00:06:53,734
Did not. Am not.
127
00:06:53,734 --> 00:06:55,234
Did, too. Are, too.
128
00:06:55,234 --> 00:06:58,501
Just because
I called dad a lying scum.
129
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,434
Everything is just so
black and white to you.
130
00:07:01,434 --> 00:07:04,300
Did you consider that
mom drove him to it?
131
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,934
She drove him crazy.
She made him nuts.
132
00:07:06,934 --> 00:07:08,501
She drove me crazy, too,
133
00:07:08,501 --> 00:07:12,434
but I didn't have
another mom
stashed on the side.
134
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,534
What will we say
to this Joan woman?
135
00:07:16,534 --> 00:07:18,467
We'll ask
what kind of woman
136
00:07:18,467 --> 00:07:21,601
would steal
a man away from
his happy family.
137
00:07:21,601 --> 00:07:24,200
Where were you living?
138
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,200
We were never happy.
139
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,133
Maybe we would have been
140
00:07:29,133 --> 00:07:30,801
if she'd left dad alone.
141
00:07:30,801 --> 00:07:32,834
Now you're being
unfair, Jackie.
142
00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:35,334
What woman
could rightly turn down
143
00:07:35,334 --> 00:07:36,834
a patio furniture salesman
144
00:07:36,834 --> 00:07:41,167
who cleaned out his ears
with his car keys?
145
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,834
You just
don't get it, do you?
146
00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:47,601
Yeah, I do get it.
147
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:50,901
First it's mom's fault,
then it's this woman's fault.
148
00:07:50,901 --> 00:07:53,901
When is it going to be
dad's fault, Jackie?
149
00:07:53,901 --> 00:07:57,467
There's a word for this,
and it's called denial.
150
00:07:57,467 --> 00:07:59,901
I don't want to
talk about it, o.k.?
151
00:07:59,901 --> 00:08:01,400
Well, you started it.
152
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:02,834
Well, I'm stopping it.
153
00:08:02,834 --> 00:08:04,567
O.k., o.k.
154
00:08:05,701 --> 00:08:07,367
You want to play
I spy again?
155
00:08:07,367 --> 00:08:08,868
No.
156
00:08:08,868 --> 00:08:10,367
License plate poker?
157
00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:12,300
No.
158
00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:13,534
O.k.
159
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:14,701
Knock, knock.
160
00:08:14,701 --> 00:08:16,267
Come on.
161
00:08:16,267 --> 00:08:17,701
Oh, who's there?
162
00:08:17,701 --> 00:08:18,968
Cleopatra.
163
00:08:18,968 --> 00:08:20,300
Cleopatra who?
164
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,934
Cleopatra,
queen of denial.
165
00:08:25,167 --> 00:08:26,968
Shut up!
166
00:08:26,968 --> 00:08:29,434
God, you're such a grump.
167
00:08:31,067 --> 00:08:33,334
Anybody want
a pudding cup?
168
00:08:33,334 --> 00:08:34,834
No.
169
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,300
God, I'm so bored.
170
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:40,734
Let's moon somebody.
171
00:08:40,734 --> 00:08:42,467
Nah.
172
00:08:43,634 --> 00:08:45,367
It's too cold.
173
00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:49,701
Oh, look, a volkswagen.
174
00:08:49,701 --> 00:08:50,934
Slug bug!
175
00:08:50,934 --> 00:08:53,434
Come on.
How old are you?
176
00:08:53,434 --> 00:08:54,834
Grow up.
177
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:58,400
It's not like we're
9 years old anymore.
178
00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,701
Cadillac whack!
179
00:09:02,634 --> 00:09:05,133
I didn't hit you
that hard.
180
00:09:05,133 --> 00:09:07,033
That's for that trip
to Gettysburg
181
00:09:07,033 --> 00:09:09,534
we took together
when we were little.
182
00:09:09,534 --> 00:09:11,567
That was
the worst trip ever.
183
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:13,067
I know, I know.
184
00:09:13,067 --> 00:09:15,067
Every car
that passed us
185
00:09:15,067 --> 00:09:18,067
you beat the crap
out of me.
186
00:09:18,067 --> 00:09:20,501
800 Miles
in a station wagon.
187
00:09:20,501 --> 00:09:24,067
Just so dad could see
cannonballs in a pile.
188
00:09:24,067 --> 00:09:26,567
Mom said there
would be rides.
189
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,067
They were such liars.
190
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,067
The trip back
was good, though.
191
00:09:30,067 --> 00:09:33,567
We were making all that
noise until dad screamed,
192
00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:36,467
"Not another word!"
193
00:09:36,467 --> 00:09:39,400
Then we started making
all those animal noises.
194
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,834
[Imitating monkeys]
195
00:09:41,834 --> 00:09:44,734
Dad's yelling at us,
mom's yelling at us,
196
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:46,234
and the whole time
197
00:09:46,234 --> 00:09:50,434
neither one of them
said a word
to each other.
198
00:09:50,434 --> 00:09:53,234
They never said a word
to each other
199
00:09:53,234 --> 00:09:57,167
unless it was about
us kids fighting
or getting in trouble.
200
00:09:57,167 --> 00:09:59,033
Which we did a lot.
201
00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:00,534
Yeah, we had to.
202
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:03,167
We were trying
to save their marriage.
203
00:10:05,334 --> 00:10:06,567
Dodge.
204
00:10:07,701 --> 00:10:08,934
Dodge what?
205
00:10:08,934 --> 00:10:10,200
Dodge this.
206
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,968
Ow!
207
00:10:12,968 --> 00:10:14,267
God!
208
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:20,734
Dad, I hate my life!
209
00:10:20,734 --> 00:10:21,968
Tough day, honey?
210
00:10:21,968 --> 00:10:25,534
My jobs sucks and my
boss is big dumb jerk.
211
00:10:25,534 --> 00:10:27,033
That's too bad, dear.
212
00:10:27,033 --> 00:10:28,601
And I can't quit,
213
00:10:28,601 --> 00:10:31,467
Because there's never
any money around here
for anything I want.
214
00:10:31,467 --> 00:10:32,868
Sorry, sweetheart.
215
00:10:32,868 --> 00:10:36,868
If you expect me
to clean up this rathole,
you're nuts.
216
00:10:36,868 --> 00:10:39,300
I'm taking a bath
and going to bed.
217
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:40,567
Night, Rosie.
218
00:10:44,901 --> 00:10:46,267
Hey, dad.
219
00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:49,767
Hey, Deej.
How was dinner over
at Todd's house?
220
00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:53,334
It was great.
They had cloth napkins
and everything.
221
00:10:53,334 --> 00:10:54,801
No way.
222
00:10:54,801 --> 00:10:56,300
Yeah. You want one?
223
00:10:59,601 --> 00:11:01,534
Deej,
you can't do that.
224
00:11:01,534 --> 00:11:03,734
Mrs. Bowman
gave it to me.
225
00:11:03,734 --> 00:11:04,734
She did not.
226
00:11:04,734 --> 00:11:07,234
After I blew
my nose on it,
227
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:08,868
She said to keep it.
228
00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:10,734
Way to go, Deej.
229
00:11:10,734 --> 00:11:14,267
Next time, aim for
their big screen TV set.
230
00:11:16,734 --> 00:11:20,868
You finally get
that wooden stake
out of your heart?
231
00:11:20,868 --> 00:11:24,300
Becky's upstairs crying.
I didn't want
to stick around.
232
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:25,567
What's wrong?
233
00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:27,133
I promised I wouldn't tell.
234
00:11:27,133 --> 00:11:28,434
You lied.
235
00:11:28,434 --> 00:11:30,934
O.k. She stood up
to her boss
236
00:11:30,934 --> 00:11:33,934
and he busted her
down to bag girl
237
00:11:33,934 --> 00:11:35,868
and called her--
238
00:11:35,868 --> 00:11:37,434
a bad word.
239
00:11:37,434 --> 00:11:39,868
How bad a word?
240
00:11:39,868 --> 00:11:41,400
Bad.
241
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:42,901
The "b" word?
242
00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:44,067
Worse.
243
00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:45,567
The "f" word?
244
00:11:45,567 --> 00:11:46,901
Deej!
245
00:11:46,901 --> 00:11:49,000
The "l" word?
246
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,734
What's the "l" word?
247
00:11:51,734 --> 00:11:53,901
I don't know.
248
00:11:53,901 --> 00:11:55,501
What's the "f" word?
249
00:11:56,534 --> 00:11:57,834
D.J.
250
00:11:59,601 --> 00:12:02,067
All right,
Darlene, what word?
251
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,601
I'll kill him.
252
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,834
Dad, you're not
supposed to know.
253
00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:10,267
Hey, accidents happen.
254
00:12:10,267 --> 00:12:13,834
A can of creamed corn
could fall on his head
255
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:18,567
as many times
as it takes.
256
00:12:21,467 --> 00:12:24,767
* On the road again
da da da da da *
257
00:12:24,767 --> 00:12:26,567
* On the road again **
258
00:12:26,567 --> 00:12:28,434
Honk honk!
259
00:12:28,434 --> 00:12:30,234
That's enough.
Move over.
260
00:12:32,801 --> 00:12:34,801
I brought you
a doughnut.
261
00:12:34,801 --> 00:12:36,300
How was the bathrooms?
262
00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:39,367
O.k., if you breath
through your mouth.
263
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:42,400
I think I'll wait
till Kansas City.
264
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,868
Aren't you
going to have nothing?
265
00:12:44,868 --> 00:12:47,801
No, I'm going
to try to sleep.
266
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:50,801
We made good time.
No need to press it.
267
00:12:50,801 --> 00:12:52,801
I want to sleep, too.
268
00:12:52,801 --> 00:12:54,434
You sleep up here.
269
00:12:54,434 --> 00:12:57,868
I can't sleep sitting up
unless I'm at work.
270
00:12:57,868 --> 00:13:00,868
Well, there's
not enough room
back here, Roseanne.
271
00:13:00,868 --> 00:13:03,734
There is so, Jackie.
There's plenty of room.
272
00:13:03,734 --> 00:13:05,334
No, come on.
273
00:13:05,334 --> 00:13:06,834
Give it a shot.
274
00:13:06,834 --> 00:13:08,000
Ow!
275
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,000
Move.
276
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,801
Ow! Roseanne.
277
00:13:10,801 --> 00:13:12,734
Come on.
278
00:13:12,734 --> 00:13:14,067
Come on.
279
00:13:14,067 --> 00:13:17,501
I feel like I'm 8 and
the bunk bed collapsed.
280
00:13:18,501 --> 00:13:20,000
O.k., scoot down now.
281
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,000
Scoot down there.
Scoot down.
282
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,434
Scoot down more.
283
00:13:23,434 --> 00:13:24,934
O.k., this is great.
284
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,868
Is it o.k. for you?
285
00:13:26,868 --> 00:13:28,868
No.
286
00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:34,567
Turn over this way.
287
00:13:34,567 --> 00:13:38,033
Go over, like,
to face me, you know?
288
00:13:38,033 --> 00:13:39,200
It's hot.
289
00:13:40,767 --> 00:13:42,267
Get your head straight.
290
00:13:42,267 --> 00:13:43,767
Bend your knees.
291
00:13:43,767 --> 00:13:45,100
There.
292
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,200
Quit breathing
all over me.
293
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:55,200
I can't. Go on,
get out of here.
294
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:56,367
Go on.
295
00:13:56,367 --> 00:13:57,601
Fine.
296
00:13:57,601 --> 00:13:59,100
Give me a minute.
297
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,701
Roseanne?
298
00:14:04,701 --> 00:14:06,033
What?
299
00:14:07,868 --> 00:14:10,801
I'm sorry I've been
such a grump all day.
300
00:14:10,801 --> 00:14:12,067
That's o.k.
301
00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:13,501
It's just that...
302
00:14:13,501 --> 00:14:16,567
you know, I do think
that it is...
303
00:14:16,567 --> 00:14:20,100
kind of dad's fault.
304
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:22,267
Well, welcome back,
Jackie.
305
00:14:22,267 --> 00:14:24,901
He and I were
just so close.
306
00:14:24,901 --> 00:14:27,901
Now I don't
feel like
I can trust him.
307
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,400
That's what
really stinks.
308
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:30,901
What I can't understand
309
00:14:30,901 --> 00:14:34,834
is how mom didn't know
about this for 20 years.
310
00:14:34,834 --> 00:14:38,334
This woman could hear me
unwrapping a hershey bar
311
00:14:38,334 --> 00:14:40,334
up in my bedroom closet.
312
00:14:40,334 --> 00:14:42,200
He had a great cover.
313
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,701
He was a traveling
salesman.
314
00:14:43,701 --> 00:14:46,567
He was on the road
all the time.
315
00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:49,434
He had those hunting trips
and fishing trips...
316
00:14:49,434 --> 00:14:50,601
Conventions.
317
00:14:50,601 --> 00:14:51,701
Yeah.
318
00:14:51,701 --> 00:14:53,033
Roseanne...
319
00:14:54,234 --> 00:14:57,300
Dad could have kids
with this woman.
320
00:14:57,300 --> 00:15:01,033
They would be, like,
Darlene's age.
321
00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:05,033
Oh, man, that would
serve him right.
322
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,133
Are you Howard?
323
00:15:19,133 --> 00:15:20,434
Yeah, can I help
you?
324
00:15:20,434 --> 00:15:22,033
I have a problem.
325
00:15:22,033 --> 00:15:25,534
Actually,
it's your problem.
326
00:15:25,534 --> 00:15:27,200
I'm Becky Conner's father.
327
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,434
Oh, no.
328
00:15:28,434 --> 00:15:30,434
If you got
to demote somebody
329
00:15:30,434 --> 00:15:33,434
for not doing their job,
I understand that.
330
00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:37,567
But nobody talks to
my daughter like you did.
Got that?
331
00:15:37,567 --> 00:15:38,968
Yes.
332
00:15:38,968 --> 00:15:41,467
You going
to hit me, too?
333
00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:43,334
Becky hit you?
334
00:15:43,334 --> 00:15:46,601
No, thug-boy
over there.
335
00:15:48,367 --> 00:15:50,667
Look, I already
promised him
336
00:15:50,667 --> 00:15:53,834
I'd apologize
to Becky the minute
she walked in.
337
00:15:53,834 --> 00:15:55,767
I'm making her
cashier again.
338
00:15:55,767 --> 00:15:59,400
So what more
do you people
want from me?
339
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,267
I don't know yet.
I'll get back to you.
340
00:16:02,267 --> 00:16:04,100
Excuse me.
341
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:07,934
Hey. Hey.
What the hell's
going on here?
342
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:09,334
Everything's
under control.
343
00:16:09,334 --> 00:16:10,901
You can go home now.
344
00:16:10,901 --> 00:16:12,834
I don't want to go home.
345
00:16:12,834 --> 00:16:14,334
Did you hit that guy?
346
00:16:14,334 --> 00:16:15,701
Damn right I did.
347
00:16:15,701 --> 00:16:18,467
What gives you
the right to do that?
348
00:16:18,467 --> 00:16:19,968
Well, I'm her boyfriend.
349
00:16:19,968 --> 00:16:21,501
Well,
I'm her father.
350
00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:23,601
So now you're mad at me?
351
00:16:23,601 --> 00:16:26,200
No, not really.
352
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,601
So what's the problem?
353
00:16:27,601 --> 00:16:30,934
The problem is, maybe
I wanted to hit him.
354
00:16:30,934 --> 00:16:32,267
So hit him.
355
00:16:32,267 --> 00:16:33,534
Well, no.
356
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,400
You ruined it.
357
00:16:37,567 --> 00:16:41,334
I'm sorry. I was here,
so I hit him.
358
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,934
Check with me first.
359
00:16:42,934 --> 00:16:46,901
If I don't
want to hit him,
you can hit him.
360
00:16:46,901 --> 00:16:48,334
If I'd wanted to,
361
00:16:48,334 --> 00:16:52,300
It would have been nice
if I could have.
362
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:54,634
I only hit him once
in the gut.
363
00:16:54,634 --> 00:16:56,000
He puke?
364
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,033
No, but he wanted to.
365
00:16:59,033 --> 00:17:01,534
So I guess
I'm done here.
366
00:17:01,534 --> 00:17:03,968
I'll hang around
and make sure
367
00:17:03,968 --> 00:17:06,467
This Howard guy
apologizes to her.
368
00:17:06,467 --> 00:17:08,234
O.k.
369
00:17:08,234 --> 00:17:09,534
Good work.
370
00:17:09,534 --> 00:17:11,133
No problem.
371
00:17:13,334 --> 00:17:16,267
If I'd have hit him,
he'd have puked.
372
00:17:25,567 --> 00:17:28,901
There it is.
Joan Crenshaw. 4-D.
373
00:17:28,901 --> 00:17:30,701
That's it.
That's the door.
374
00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:32,734
Joan Crenshaw,
the other woman.
375
00:17:32,734 --> 00:17:35,300
Roseanne,
I just had a thought.
376
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:37,634
What if dad's in there?
377
00:17:37,634 --> 00:17:40,534
I mean, what if they're,
like, doing it?
378
00:17:42,567 --> 00:17:44,567
They've been together
20 years.
379
00:17:44,567 --> 00:17:46,701
They don't do it anymore.
380
00:17:46,701 --> 00:17:49,501
No, I think it's--
it's a bad idea.
381
00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:51,067
We should just go.
382
00:17:51,067 --> 00:17:53,934
We came all this way.
Let's see this woman.
383
00:17:53,934 --> 00:17:56,501
What are we
going to say to her?
384
00:17:56,501 --> 00:17:58,767
Hello.
Can I help you?
385
00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:00,267
Uh...
386
00:18:00,267 --> 00:18:04,467
Are you, uh,
Mrs. Felgred?
387
00:18:04,467 --> 00:18:06,801
No. You have
the wrong apartment.
388
00:18:06,801 --> 00:18:11,767
Well, um,
is there a Mrs. Felgred
in this building?
389
00:18:11,767 --> 00:18:14,100
I don't think so.
390
00:18:15,868 --> 00:18:17,868
Well, sorry
we bothered you.
391
00:18:17,868 --> 00:18:18,868
No problem.
392
00:18:20,868 --> 00:18:22,801
You didn't find out
anything.
393
00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:23,734
Like what?
394
00:18:23,734 --> 00:18:26,167
Like does she
have any kids?
395
00:18:26,167 --> 00:18:27,868
Will she
marry dad?
396
00:18:27,868 --> 00:18:31,133
That would've blown
my whole Felgred thing.
397
00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:34,834
Excuse me.
398
00:18:34,834 --> 00:18:36,968
You're Roseanne and
Jackie, aren't you?
399
00:18:40,234 --> 00:18:42,734
What do you think?
Are we?
400
00:18:44,067 --> 00:18:46,701
Your father showed
me your pictures.
401
00:18:46,701 --> 00:18:48,067
Oh.
402
00:18:48,067 --> 00:18:50,734
Oh, yeah, we, uh...
403
00:18:50,734 --> 00:18:53,734
Well, we never
thought of that.
404
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,868
Came to
check me out?
405
00:18:58,467 --> 00:19:00,934
We're real sorry
we bothered you.
406
00:19:00,934 --> 00:19:02,400
No, it's o.k.
407
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,334
I knocked on your
mother's door once
408
00:19:05,334 --> 00:19:07,000
For the same reason.
409
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,501
Would you come in?
410
00:19:08,501 --> 00:19:10,100
The place is a mess.
411
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:11,400
Well, maybe...
412
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,467
No, we've got
a truckload of stuff
413
00:19:14,467 --> 00:19:16,367
we've got to get
somewhere.
414
00:19:16,367 --> 00:19:17,901
Maybe some other time.
415
00:19:17,901 --> 00:19:19,667
All right.
416
00:19:19,667 --> 00:19:24,033
Listen, I never
asked your father
to leave your mom.
417
00:19:25,767 --> 00:19:27,000
O.k.
418
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,734
I just wanted you
to know that.
419
00:19:30,868 --> 00:19:32,667
O.k. Bye.
420
00:19:34,667 --> 00:19:37,634
Why didn't you
want to talk to her?
421
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,067
I don't know. I...
422
00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:41,133
She just seemed
so nice,
423
00:19:41,133 --> 00:19:44,067
And I'm not ready
to like her yet.
424
00:19:44,067 --> 00:19:45,501
Yeah.
425
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:48,968
Hey, are you o.k.?
426
00:19:48,968 --> 00:19:50,400
Yeah, I'm all right.
427
00:19:54,334 --> 00:19:55,767
Can I drive?
428
00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:57,000
No.
429
00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:03,100
Your mom called
50 times today.
430
00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:05,534
I wasn't sure you
wanted her to know,
431
00:20:05,534 --> 00:20:09,534
So I said you were
at the 7-eleven
all day.
432
00:20:09,534 --> 00:20:11,434
Good thinking, Dan.
433
00:20:11,434 --> 00:20:14,000
I don't know
what to tell her, either.
434
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,868
Dad's got somebody nice,
and she's got nobody.
435
00:20:16,868 --> 00:20:21,000
I give her six months alone
before she moves in here.
436
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,434
Where will I live, dear?
437
00:20:26,534 --> 00:20:29,033
You've got sauce
on your chin.
438
00:20:29,033 --> 00:20:31,968
I know. I'm saving it
for later.
439
00:20:31,968 --> 00:20:33,467
[Knock on door]
440
00:20:33,467 --> 00:20:34,701
Come in.
441
00:20:37,667 --> 00:20:38,901
Hey.
442
00:20:38,901 --> 00:20:40,067
Hey, Mark.
443
00:20:40,067 --> 00:20:41,634
Becky ready yet?
444
00:20:41,634 --> 00:20:44,868
Becky! She'll be down
in a minute.
445
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,868
Cool. Hey, mrs. Conner.
446
00:20:46,868 --> 00:20:48,067
Uhhh.
447
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,234
He comes in
the back door like family?
448
00:20:53,234 --> 00:20:54,834
You guys buddies now?
449
00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:56,734
He's sitting on the couch.
450
00:20:56,734 --> 00:20:58,801
I hate
when he does that.
451
00:20:58,801 --> 00:21:01,868
I'm gone one day and
everything goes to hell.
452
00:21:01,868 --> 00:21:04,534
You'd have been proud
of that kid today.
453
00:21:04,534 --> 00:21:08,434
Why? What did he do,
volunteer for sterilization?
454
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:10,801
No, he beat up
Becky's boss.
455
00:21:10,801 --> 00:21:12,067
No.
456
00:21:12,067 --> 00:21:14,067
The kid called her
something nasty,
457
00:21:14,067 --> 00:21:15,801
And Mark let him
have it.
458
00:21:17,133 --> 00:21:18,634
That is so cool.
459
00:21:18,634 --> 00:21:19,901
Yeah.
460
00:21:21,267 --> 00:21:24,200
How come you didn't
beat up the creep?
461
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,767
I would have,
but I got there late.
462
00:21:26,767 --> 00:21:28,100
Aw, Dan.
463
00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:30,534
Hey, you think
I'm not sick about it?
464
00:21:30,534 --> 00:21:33,501
I had stuff to do
at the shop.
465
00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:36,400
What's he got to do,
smoke a cigarette?
466
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,801
Of course
he got there first.
467
00:21:38,801 --> 00:21:40,234
Oh, I'm sorry, Dan.
468
00:21:40,234 --> 00:21:44,234
I know you would have
did it if you could have.
469
00:21:46,033 --> 00:21:48,434
This is the first thing
he's ever done
470
00:21:48,434 --> 00:21:50,667
to show
he cares about her.
471
00a21:50,667 --> 00:21:53,667
I also had to
make D.J. Breakfast.
472
00:21:53,667 --> 00:21:57,167
Maybe you ought to
throw him some more work,
473
00:21:57,167 --> 00:22:00,868
because maybe this guy
is the guy.
474
00:22:00,868 --> 00:22:02,934
You beat him up?
475
00:22:02,934 --> 00:22:04,868
That's why he apologized?
476
00:22:04,868 --> 00:22:07,801
You can't walk in there
like some dumb animal
477
00:22:07,801 --> 00:22:09,300
and beat up my boss.
478
00:22:09,300 --> 00:22:11,334
Wait.
The guy called you--
479
00:22:11,334 --> 00:22:13,334
I know what he called me.
480
00:22:13,334 --> 00:22:15,334
I can take care of myself.
481
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:17,167
Now his apology
means nothing.
482
00:22:17,167 --> 00:22:18,667
I just thought--
483
00:22:18,667 --> 00:22:20,968
You didn't think.
You never think.
484
00:22:20,968 --> 00:22:24,067
O.k., o.k., we'll be
late for this party.
485
00:22:24,067 --> 00:22:25,501
Don't you get it?
486
00:22:25,501 --> 00:22:29,367
I'm not going with you
to some stupid party.
487
00:22:29,367 --> 00:22:30,868
Now, get out!
488
00:22:30,868 --> 00:22:32,133
Fine.
489
00:22:35,367 --> 00:22:36,868
See you, Mark.
490
00:22:36,868 --> 00:22:38,100
Yeah.
491
00:22:43,801 --> 00:22:53,033
I miss him already.
32619
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