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1
00:00:05,567 --> 00:00:07,601
Well, if we'd
gotten the parts, Bill,
2
00:00:07,601 --> 00:00:10,501
we'd have sent you
the money for sure.
3
00:00:10,501 --> 00:00:12,634
Okay, I'll put you
on hold,
4
00:00:12,634 --> 00:00:14,133
check
with receiving,
5
00:00:14,133 --> 00:00:17,167
and see if they
did come in.
6
00:00:17,167 --> 00:00:18,601
O.k., just a minute.
7
00:00:18,601 --> 00:00:21,667
[Theme from
a man and a womanplays]
8
00:00:22,801 --> 00:00:24,133
* Sha la la la la *
9
00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:25,901
* Sha la la la la **
10
00:00:32,601 --> 00:00:35,667
Hi. I checked with
Stan in receiving.
11
00:00:35,667 --> 00:00:38,167
He says
he didn't get them,
12
00:00:38,167 --> 00:00:40,167
and he's really
ticked, too.
13
00:00:40,167 --> 00:00:43,100
Oh, o.k. I'll
let him know then.
14
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:45,701
Well, thank you.
Bye.
15
00:00:47,767 --> 00:00:49,000
Stan?
16
00:00:50,534 --> 00:00:52,067
Nice touch, huh?
17
00:00:52,067 --> 00:00:54,000
You're getting
good at this.
18
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:57,067
Good? This guy is
going to send Stan
19
00:00:57,067 --> 00:01:00,367
A bottle of scotch
to apologize.
20
00:01:00,367 --> 00:01:02,734
I'll put it
with the others.
21
00:01:02,734 --> 00:01:04,734
[Telephone rings]
22
00:01:04,734 --> 00:01:07,434
Lanford
custom cycle.
23
00:01:09,234 --> 00:01:10,701
It's the bank.
24
00:01:10,701 --> 00:01:13,567
Don't get upset
if I have to
start crying.
25
00:01:13,567 --> 00:01:15,567
You mailed the loan
check in, right?
26
00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:16,868
Of course.
27
00:01:19,734 --> 00:01:21,033
Uh-huh.
28
00:01:21,033 --> 00:01:24,567
I realize I was
a couple of days late
29
00:01:24,567 --> 00:01:26,567
sending it in
last month,
30
00:01:26,567 --> 00:01:30,067
But this month
I sent it in right away.
31
00:01:31,934 --> 00:01:34,767
Oh, I forgot
to sign it?
32
00:01:37,701 --> 00:01:39,801
That's so unlike me.
33
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,434
Listen, you have
my permission.
34
00:01:43,434 --> 00:01:44,901
It's a good check.
35
00:01:44,901 --> 00:01:46,901
Go ahead and cash it.
36
00:01:46,901 --> 00:01:48,901
Oh, you need
the signature.
37
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,400
I didn't know that.
38
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,834
O.k., well,
let me tell you,
39
00:01:52,834 --> 00:01:54,968
I'll leave here
right away.
40
00:01:54,968 --> 00:01:56,334
I'm on my way,
41
00:01:56,334 --> 00:01:59,367
And I'll be there
in a couple minutes.
42
00:01:59,367 --> 00:02:00,934
O.k. Thank you.
43
00:02:03,267 --> 00:02:05,834
What are you
going to tell them?
44
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:07,834
How can I think about that
45
00:02:07,834 --> 00:02:09,400
When my tire blew
46
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:13,334
And I'm stuck
in a ditch on route 49?
47
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,234
Coffee?
48
00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:28,501
Man, I'm exhausted.
49
00:03:28,501 --> 00:03:30,968
Me, too. I'm going
to wash up.
50
00:03:30,968 --> 00:03:33,968
I got to make
the kid's dinner
for tomorrow night.
51
00:03:33,968 --> 00:03:35,400
I'd offer to help,
52
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,434
But it
would be a shallow,
insincere gesture.
53
00:03:39,467 --> 00:03:42,133
Get lost, Dan.
54
00:03:42,133 --> 00:03:43,467
Oh, man!
55
00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:48,701
I stayed up
till 1:30 making
this casserole.
56
00:03:48,701 --> 00:03:51,167
How come
you didn't eat it?
57
00:03:51,167 --> 00:03:55,601
Gee, mom,
I guess it wasn't
a casserole kind of day.
58
00:03:56,734 --> 00:03:58,334
What did you eat?
59
00:03:58,334 --> 00:03:59,734
I wasn't hungry.
60
00:03:59,734 --> 00:04:01,667
What about D.J.?
Did he eat?
61
00:04:01,667 --> 00:04:03,834
Becky gave him
cereal or something.
62
00:04:03,834 --> 00:04:05,901
Cereal?
If he wanted cereal,
63
00:04:05,901 --> 00:04:08,834
There's
plenty of cereal
in the casserole.
64
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,300
Did he
brush his teeth
or take a bath?
65
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:14,734
I don't know.
66
00:04:14,734 --> 00:04:16,300
You put him to sleep?
67
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:19,467
I didn't know
I had that option.
68
00:04:20,601 --> 00:04:22,100
Where have you been?
69
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:24,367
Out for pizza with Mark.
70
00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:26,367
You guys
are totally useless.
71
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,033
This place is a pigsty.
72
00:04:28,033 --> 00:04:29,667
Pick it up.
73
00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:31,100
It's all Darlene's stuff.
74
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:32,601
These shoes
are yours.
75
00:04:32,601 --> 00:04:35,100
The socks and
sweat shirt are yours.
76
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:36,801
Please. What about
these magazines?
77
00:04:36,801 --> 00:04:37,968
Oh, look.
78
00:04:39,934 --> 00:04:42,501
The porch
is a big mess, too.
79
00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:44,968
Oh, real mature, mom.
80
00:04:48,234 --> 00:04:50,734
This family
is falling apart, Dan.
81
00:04:50,734 --> 00:04:53,801
Tough to stop
a moving train, honey.
82
00:04:53,801 --> 00:04:56,834
I can't work
at the shop anymore.
83
00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:58,067
We've been
through this.
84
00:04:58,067 --> 00:05:00,000
I got too much to do--
85
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,501
The restaurant,
the kids. I quit.
86
00:05:02,501 --> 00:05:05,501
You can't quit.
You're an owner.
87
00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:08,767
O.k. Well, then I'm fired.
88
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:12,801
I can't do repair work
and watch the shop.
89
00:05:12,801 --> 00:05:14,934
Something has to change
around here.
90
00:05:14,934 --> 00:05:17,934
You guys get in here.
91
00:05:17,934 --> 00:05:19,934
How'd they get so spoiled
92
00:05:19,934 --> 00:05:21,934
When we've given them
absolutely nothing?
93
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:27,868
Sit down. We're having
a family meeting.
94
00:05:27,868 --> 00:05:30,601
What a bunch of crap.
95
00:05:30,601 --> 00:05:33,601
Those are the minutes
of our last meeting.
96
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,968
Now on to new business.
97
00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:37,868
O.k.,
here's the deal--
98
00:05:37,868 --> 00:05:39,901
We're having a tough
time now, girls.
99
00:05:39,901 --> 00:05:42,334
We're turning
the corner
on the bike shop,
100
00:05:42,334 --> 00:05:43,934
Which means we're
killing ourselves.
101
00:05:43,934 --> 00:05:46,834
If you don't help,
we won't make it.
102
00:05:46,834 --> 00:05:48,400
All right, dad.
103
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,834
We're sorry
we let you down.
104
00:05:50,834 --> 00:05:52,234
Meeting adjourned.
105
00:05:52,234 --> 00:05:55,167
Darlene, don't,
because no matter
how lousy
106
00:05:55,167 --> 00:05:56,667
your life is now,
107
00:05:56,667 --> 00:05:59,000
we can make it
much worse.
108
00:06:01,601 --> 00:06:03,100
Here's what I see--
109
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:05,033
Nothing's getting done
around here
110
00:06:05,033 --> 00:06:08,667
Because nobody
takes responsibility
for anything, o.k.?
111
00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:10,267
So from now on,
112
00:06:10,267 --> 00:06:12,667
Becky, I'm leaving you
in charge.
113
00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:18,033
I have a problem
with that.
114
00:06:18,033 --> 00:06:19,868
Tough.
115
00:06:21,634 --> 00:06:24,734
I'm just supposed to do
whatever she says?
116
00:06:24,734 --> 00:06:27,667
Listen to Becky
like you listen to us.
117
00:06:27,667 --> 00:06:30,534
Um, now I have
a problem.
118
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,367
Well, you'll work it out.
119
00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:36,367
Take care
of your brother.
120
00:06:36,367 --> 00:06:38,300
Make sure that
he washes himself
121
00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:39,734
And does
his homework.
122
00:06:39,734 --> 00:06:42,868
And you make sure
that he eats, too.
123
00:06:42,868 --> 00:06:46,300
I'm going to weigh
that little boy every night.
124
00:06:48,667 --> 00:06:52,601
If he loses
more than two pounds,
it's your butt.
125
00:06:53,834 --> 00:06:55,033
O.k.
126
00:06:55,033 --> 00:06:57,267
Good. Now,
go clean something.
127
00:07:01,734 --> 00:07:03,300
All right. Good idea.
128
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,667
They're always crying
129
00:07:04,667 --> 00:07:06,734
We don't treat them
like adults.
130
00:07:06,734 --> 00:07:09,067
Now we are.
This may work.
131
00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:12,501
Are you insane?
I just put Becky in charge.
132
00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:16,567
That's like putting
fredo in charge of
the CorLeone family.
133
00:07:17,667 --> 00:07:19,667
They may surprise us.
134
00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:21,234
Oh, come on, Dan.
135
00:07:21,234 --> 00:07:24,801
The family's doomed
unless I get out
of that shop.
136
00:07:24,801 --> 00:07:26,801
Once we sell
a few bikes,
137
00:07:26,801 --> 00:07:29,133
maybe we can
replace you.
138
00:07:29,133 --> 00:07:33,334
If I sell a bike,
I can get out of there?
139
00:07:33,334 --> 00:07:36,234
That's one way
to look at it.
140
00:07:36,234 --> 00:07:39,234
I thought of us
as more of a team.
141
00:07:39,234 --> 00:07:42,234
You and me
against the world,
husband and wife.
142
00:07:42,234 --> 00:07:43,400
Partners.
143
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:44,901
Any bike, right?
144
00:07:49,434 --> 00:07:52,567
I know Duke has a bike,
but you don't.
145
00:07:52,567 --> 00:07:54,000
I don't need a bike.
146
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,667
I ride behind Duke.
147
00:07:55,667 --> 00:07:58,567
That's how it'll be
the rest of your life?
148
00:07:58,567 --> 00:07:59,934
You'll ride behind him?
149
00:07:59,934 --> 00:08:02,367
Not on his side,
not equal to him,
150
00:08:02,367 --> 00:08:03,934
But like behind him?
151
00:08:03,934 --> 00:08:05,968
You have permission
to smack her.
152
00:08:05,968 --> 00:08:08,400
You ever think
of getting a motorcycle?
153
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,467
Roseanne,
name me one guy
154
00:08:10,467 --> 00:08:13,267
That hasn't
pictured himself
on a big chopper
155
00:08:13,267 --> 00:08:16,300
Going down a country road
with the wind in his hair.
156
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:18,133
We've got
some really great--
157
00:08:18,133 --> 00:08:20,667
The answer is me.
I'm the guy.
158
00:08:23,601 --> 00:08:25,033
All I'm asking
159
00:08:25,033 --> 00:08:28,033
Is for one person to buy
one lousy motorcycle.
160
00:08:28,033 --> 00:08:30,033
Is that too much to ask?
161
00:08:30,033 --> 00:08:32,033
Roseanne, what
is your problem?
162
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:36,400
I have all of your
PMS days circled
on my calendar.
163
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,167
This is not
one of them.
164
00:08:39,167 --> 00:08:42,334
Oh, I'm just really
stressed out, Leon.
165
00:08:42,334 --> 00:08:44,033
Oh, I understand.
166
00:08:44,033 --> 00:08:46,767
You need
a little distraction.
167
00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:48,767
Have you ever
considered waitressing?
168
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,434
All right. You're right.
169
00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:56,901
Oh, look. There's Jackie.
Hold this, would you?
170
00:08:58,200 --> 00:08:59,701
Jackie, you look great.
171
00:08:59,701 --> 00:09:02,334
I love the dress.
Your hair is great.
172
00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,267
I don't like
this job.
173
00:09:04,267 --> 00:09:05,734
What's the matter
with it?
174
00:09:05,734 --> 00:09:08,300
Like to sample
our new fragrance?
175
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:10,734
That's all I do
all day long.
176
00:09:10,734 --> 00:09:13,033
Like to sample
our new fragrance?
177
00:09:13,033 --> 00:09:14,434
God, I'm annoying.
178
00:09:15,701 --> 00:09:18,200
Jackie, you begged me
to pull some strings
179
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,200
And get you that job.
180
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,267
But I thought,
make-up department,
181
00:09:22,267 --> 00:09:24,767
I'd do make-overs,
like a cosmetician.
182
00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:27,367
You've got to
work your way up.
183
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:31,367
Do you know how many
squirt girls have to die
184
00:09:31,367 --> 00:09:33,334
before I make
cosmetician?
185
00:09:33,334 --> 00:09:35,334
Fine, jackie.
Try my life.
186
00:09:35,334 --> 00:09:38,100
work at the bike shop
for no money,
187
00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:40,100
then come to this dump
188
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:42,834
And work for
Preppie the clown here.
189
00:09:45,267 --> 00:09:46,934
Oh, that reminds me.
190
00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:49,300
I need friday off, o.k.?
191
00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:50,734
I don't know,
Roseanne.
192
00:09:50,734 --> 00:09:54,634
Where can I find
somebody to stand
in my restaurant
193
00:09:54,634 --> 00:09:57,200
And do nothing on
such short notice?
194
00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:00,200
See what I
have to put up with?
195
00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:08,367
Now this bike
isn't for everybody.
196
00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:10,934
This is
a real outlaw bike.
197
00:10:10,934 --> 00:10:12,367
It's like
the beast master.
198
00:10:12,367 --> 00:10:15,367
And this is called
our commuter special.
199
00:10:16,901 --> 00:10:19,934
See this seat
right here?
It's really cool.
200
00:10:19,934 --> 00:10:22,801
Because there's nothing
for her to hold onto.
201
00:10:22,801 --> 00:10:26,400
She's got to
wrap herself around
you real good
202
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,100
Or splat.
203
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:31,601
And the baby fits
real snug
204
00:10:31,601 --> 00:10:34,200
Right here
in the safety seat.
205
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,801
Oh, so your name's
Murray, huh?
206
00:10:37,801 --> 00:10:39,300
That's really
a coincidence,
207
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:41,300
Because you know
Evel Knievel?
208
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:43,567
His real first name
is Murray.
209
00:10:43,567 --> 00:10:44,901
Yeah. Murray Knievel.
210
00:10:46,968 --> 00:10:48,767
It's loud,
and it's mean.
211
00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:52,133
It screams get out
of my damn way.
212
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:56,501
Not a single dolphin
was harmed to make
this motorcycle.
213
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,000
We're open till 10:00.
214
00:11:02,467 --> 00:11:04,167
We're here till 11:00.
215
00:11:04,167 --> 00:11:06,067
Every night
till midnight.
216
00:11:06,067 --> 00:11:07,601
We never close.
217
00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:09,367
We never close.
218
00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:10,734
Never close.
219
00:11:10,734 --> 00:11:19,267
Never close.
220
00:11:20,601 --> 00:11:23,167
Oh, this is disgusting.
221
00:11:23,167 --> 00:11:26,000
If you don't like it,
don't eat it.
222
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,801
I don't know
what the hell it is.
223
00:11:28,801 --> 00:11:31,234
It's spaghetti
with 1000 island
dressing.
224
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,400
God, that is so gross.
225
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,767
After doing the laundry
and vacuuming,
226
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:42,901
There wasn't time to plan
an exciting menu.
227
00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:46,567
I ran around all day
picking D.J. up
from school,
228
00:11:46,567 --> 00:11:48,200
taking him to get shoes,
going to the supermarket--
229
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:52,601
And when I get home,
I expect a decent meal.
230
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,701
Don't they make
a lovely couple?
231
00:11:56,701 --> 00:11:59,100
Remember when we
were first married?
232
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:02,300
We had bread
and mayonnaise
for dinner.
233
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,734
Why don't you
make that anymore?
234
00:12:04,734 --> 00:12:06,834
I say we run for it.
235
00:12:06,834 --> 00:12:08,067
Mother!
236
00:12:09,234 --> 00:12:10,734
You will not believe
237
00:12:10,734 --> 00:12:13,734
what Darlene
just made for dinner.
238
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,667
Hey, D.J. loves it.
239
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:18,167
D.j. eats hair.
240
00:12:20,234 --> 00:12:23,167
I'm telling you,
you better make
something edible
241
00:12:23,167 --> 00:12:24,734
for dinner
tomorrow night.
242
00:12:24,734 --> 00:12:26,000
Or you'll spank me?
243
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,133
This goes on
all day.
244
00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:29,234
Total disrespect.
245
00:12:29,234 --> 00:12:30,667
I won't be referee.
246
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:34,200
Your dad and me
are working 15-hour days.
247
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,701
Run the house
without us.
248
00:12:35,701 --> 00:12:37,234
But you're home now.
249
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:39,100
No, we're not.
250
00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:43,868
Dan, I tried
everything today
to sell a bike.
251
00:12:43,868 --> 00:12:46,367
I lied. I pushed.
I nagged.
252
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:49,367
Well, you went
with your strengths,
dear.
253
00:12:50,701 --> 00:12:53,267
How come
none of it worked?
254
00:12:53,267 --> 00:12:56,767
I didn't have
any more luck
than you did.
255
00:12:56,767 --> 00:12:58,367
Mother, I've had it.
256
00:12:58,367 --> 00:13:02,000
Darlene refuses
to do the dishes,
and it's her turn.
257
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,801
I cooked. Is
that not enough?
258
00:13:04,801 --> 00:13:07,400
What should I do
about her?
259
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,167
Becky, I told you
you're in charge.
260
00:13:10,167 --> 00:13:14,234
I'm just going to leave
the dishes where they are,
261
00:13:14,234 --> 00:13:17,634
And tomorrow they'll be
covered with dried crud.
262
00:13:17,634 --> 00:13:18,968
Fine.
263
00:13:18,968 --> 00:13:20,400
Tomorrow night
it's leftovers.
264
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,567
You know, Dan,
these biker magazines
265
00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:35,667
Ain't nothing
but a bunch
of naked ladies
266
00:13:35,667 --> 00:13:37,167
sitting up
on motorcycles.
267
00:13:37,167 --> 00:13:40,000
That is so degrading
to women.
268
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:43,000
You know, every one
of these girls
269
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,267
has a mother
out there somewhere
270
00:13:45,267 --> 00:13:46,567
who's dying
of shame.
271
00:13:47,834 --> 00:13:49,334
Oh, wait. I'm wrong.
272
00:13:49,334 --> 00:13:53,701
Here's a naked girl
and her naked mother
in the sidecar.
273
00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:54,701
[Bell rings]
274
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,300
Customer.
275
00:13:58,467 --> 00:14:00,767
Oh, it's just you.
276
00:14:00,767 --> 00:14:03,267
Well, it's just
you, too.
277
00:14:03,267 --> 00:14:06,200
I'm sorry. What
are you doing here?
278
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:09,200
I had a bad day.
I need to whine.
279
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,434
What happened?
280
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:14,868
I sprayed perfume
on some woman,
and she kicked me.
281
00:14:14,868 --> 00:14:17,968
Maybe she didn't
want to get sprayed.
282
00:14:17,968 --> 00:14:20,467
No one wants
to be sprayed,
283
00:14:20,467 --> 00:14:22,868
But damn it,
I had a quota.
284
00:14:23,868 --> 00:14:24,801
Hey.
285
00:14:24,801 --> 00:14:25,801
Hi, Dan.
286
00:14:25,801 --> 00:14:27,000
What smells?
287
00:14:30,167 --> 00:14:32,267
Remember, I told
you, honey.
288
00:14:32,267 --> 00:14:35,167
Jackie's
the perfume sniper
at the mall.
289
00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:36,667
Oh, right. Right.
290
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:37,901
[Bell rings]
291
00:14:37,901 --> 00:14:39,667
Hey, how you doing?
292
00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:40,701
Ok.
293
00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:43,400
Anything I can help
you with?
294
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,367
I'm, uh, just looking.
295
00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:50,133
I pass this place daily,
thought I'd check it out.
296
00:14:50,133 --> 00:14:51,133
You ride?
297
00:14:51,133 --> 00:14:52,634
I always wanted to.
298
00:14:52,634 --> 00:14:55,467
Well, what
are you waiting for?
299
00:14:55,467 --> 00:14:58,701
My wife
would never let me.
300
00:14:58,701 --> 00:14:59,701
I understand.
301
00:14:59,701 --> 00:15:01,701
Feel free
to look around.
302
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,634
Thanks.
303
00:15:03,634 --> 00:15:06,934
His wife's
a big boogey.
304
00:15:06,934 --> 00:15:09,367
I ride. Bring
your wife by,
305
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:10,968
And I'll giver her
a pep talk.
306
00:15:10,968 --> 00:15:14,400
I don't think so.
We just got a divorce.
307
00:15:15,767 --> 00:15:19,100
Oh, sorry
to hear that.
That's too bad.
308
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:20,100
It happens.
309
00:15:21,234 --> 00:15:24,601
Uh, well, thanks.
310
00:15:24,601 --> 00:15:27,667
I bet it would
bug your wife
311
00:15:27,667 --> 00:15:30,801
To see you on one
of these now.
312
00:15:30,801 --> 00:15:33,200
Oh, yeah.
313
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:38,167
Yeah. You end up
with a bike you wanted,
314
00:15:38,167 --> 00:15:41,367
And what does she
end up with, the kids?
315
00:15:41,367 --> 00:15:44,434
It would definitely
kill her.
316
00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:47,200
Definitely.
317
00:15:49,033 --> 00:15:51,434
You got him.
318
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:53,701
So, uh, what's
your name?
319
00:15:53,701 --> 00:15:55,234
Uh, Art.
320
00:15:55,234 --> 00:15:58,200
Hi, Art. I'm Roseanne,
and this is Jackie.
321
00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,567
Hi, Art.
322
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:02,133
What do you do
for a living?
323
00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:04,133
No, wait.
Let us guess.
324
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:07,200
Jackie, what
do you think
art does?
325
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,701
Oh, I couldn't...
326
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:10,534
Test pilot?
S.W.A.T. Team?
327
00:16:14,767 --> 00:16:17,868
Thank you, uh,
but I'm an accountant.
328
00:16:17,868 --> 00:16:18,868
No way.
329
00:16:18,868 --> 00:16:19,901
Impossible.
330
00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:26,067
Why don't you get up
on this bike?
331
00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:29,234
Let's see what
you look like on there.
332
00:16:29,234 --> 00:16:31,033
Art.
333
00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:32,033
Oh.
334
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,734
Oh, yeah.
335
00:16:33,734 --> 00:16:34,801
Yeah?
336
00:16:34,801 --> 00:16:37,667
Yeah.
337
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,234
You know something,
Art?
338
00:16:39,234 --> 00:16:40,434
What?
339
00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:42,801
Oh, never mind.
340
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:43,834
I'm married.
341
00:16:48,901 --> 00:16:51,901
Let me tell you something
about this bike.
342
00:16:51,901 --> 00:16:55,734
Not only does it deliver
900cc of raw power,
343
00:16:55,734 --> 00:16:57,801
But I mean, it's roomy.
344
00:16:57,801 --> 00:16:59,267
Oh, she's right
there.
345
00:16:59,267 --> 00:17:01,667
Art, she is right.
346
00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:03,167
Look at that.
347
00:17:03,167 --> 00:17:05,834
Plenty of room.
348
00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:08,834
Come on, guys.
You'd say
just about anything,
349
00:17:08,834 --> 00:17:10,534
So I'll buy
a bike.
350
00:17:10,534 --> 00:17:12,033
Wait a minute, Art.
351
00:17:12,033 --> 00:17:14,901
I sell three, four
of these every day.
352
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:17,834
I got no reason
to lie to you.
353
00:17:17,834 --> 00:17:18,834
I'm just telling you.
354
00:17:18,834 --> 00:17:22,467
This bike looks like
it was made for you.
355
00:17:22,467 --> 00:17:24,467
You know what I mean?
356
00:17:24,467 --> 00:17:26,901
Picture it.
You're going to work.
357
00:17:26,901 --> 00:17:29,467
You pull into
that parking lot.
358
00:17:29,467 --> 00:17:31,701
You're surrounded
by accountant-type cars.
359
00:17:31,701 --> 00:17:35,300
And you show up riding
one of these things.
360
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:38,234
The engine's roaring,
the tires are squealing,
361
00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:42,300
And your loins are vibrating
like a tuning fork.
362
00:17:46,801 --> 00:17:48,300
Uh, you're very good.
363
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:51,234
Uh, listen, I'm
having a great time,
364
00:17:51,234 --> 00:17:54,234
And I don't really
want you to stop,
365
00:17:54,234 --> 00:17:56,367
But, uh, I...
366
00:17:56,367 --> 00:18:00,234
I still don't know
if it's right for me.
367
00:18:00,234 --> 00:18:01,734
Well, your choice.
368
00:18:04,133 --> 00:18:07,100
So, think your wife's
dating anybody, Art?
369
00:18:15,334 --> 00:18:18,534
No way Jackie gets
the commission,
I sold the bike.
370
00:18:18,534 --> 00:18:20,767
You did use her
as bait.
371
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:24,200
You smelled her.
What would you
use her as?
372
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,200
Spread out.
373
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,267
Let me see it again.
374
00:18:27,267 --> 00:18:30,834
This here's
my favorite check
in the whole world.
375
00:18:30,834 --> 00:18:33,200
It's such a rush,
isn't it?
376
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,701
I remember first finding
that bike.
377
00:18:35,701 --> 00:18:38,234
It was a rusted out
piece of junk.
378
00:18:38,234 --> 00:18:42,234
I took it to the shop,
pounded out the dents,
379
00:18:42,234 --> 00:18:43,601
I rechromed it,
I repainted it.
380
00:18:43,601 --> 00:18:47,234
Boring. Get to the part
where I smoked the guy
381
00:18:47,234 --> 00:18:48,734
Into buying it.
382
00:18:48,734 --> 00:18:50,100
You were beautiful.
383
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:52,601
Stop it.
384
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:57,734
How's everything
going around here?
385
00:18:57,734 --> 00:19:01,734
Mr. Mom decided
I get to stay home
and sit for D.J.
386
00:19:01,734 --> 00:19:06,200
While she goes out
with Mark,
the cold sore king.
387
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,734
At least you're
working it out.
388
00:19:09,734 --> 00:19:13,567
Darlene, do you know
where my car keys are?
389
00:19:13,567 --> 00:19:17,534
Why, yes, my fuhrer.
390
00:19:17,534 --> 00:19:19,334
Where?
391
00:19:19,334 --> 00:19:20,968
In a safe place.
392
00:19:20,968 --> 00:19:24,701
Oh, as safe as where
your science paper
now is?
393
00:19:24,701 --> 00:19:26,133
Becky, that's
due tomorrow.
394
00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:27,200
Oh.
395
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,634
It's not even mine.
396
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:29,968
Oh.
397
00:19:32,701 --> 00:19:34,200
We have to talk.
398
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:35,701
We definitely do,
Darlene.
399
00:19:35,701 --> 00:19:36,701
Upstairs.
400
00:19:36,701 --> 00:19:37,701
Fine.
401
00:19:42,767 --> 00:19:46,801
You'll note
they did not bring
the problem to me.
402
00:19:46,801 --> 00:19:48,734
Yes. Everything's
going according
to plan.
403
00:19:48,734 --> 00:19:51,801
So, dear,
would you like
a cup of coffee?
404
00:19:51,801 --> 00:19:53,734
Don't mind as I do.
405
00:19:56,834 --> 00:19:59,167
Hey, how's
it going, champ?
406
00:19:59,167 --> 00:20:02,467
Your sisters make sure
you took a bath?
407
00:20:03,801 --> 00:20:05,734
No. They didn't.
Did they?
408
00:20:05,734 --> 00:20:08,734
Well, it's too late
to take one tonight,
409
00:20:08,734 --> 00:20:12,734
So go ahead and go on
up to bed, honey.
410
00:20:12,734 --> 00:20:13,734
Night, D.J.
411
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:14,901
Night, deej.
412
00:20:14,901 --> 00:20:19,934
D.j., we say good night,
you say good night.
413
00:20:20,968 --> 00:20:23,100
Are you mad
at us?
414
00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:25,100
How come
you're not talking?
415
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:29,701
I haven't said
anything in two days,
and nobody's cared.
416
00:20:29,701 --> 00:20:31,167
That's not possible.
417
00:20:31,167 --> 00:20:35,300
Uh-huh. The last thing
I said was cheerios.
418
00:20:37,334 --> 00:20:39,234
Deej, we've been
real busy.
419
00:20:39,234 --> 00:20:41,667
Daddy and me
are working hard
420
00:20:41,667 --> 00:20:43,734
To start
this new business.
421
00:20:43,734 --> 00:20:45,801
I guess
we didn't notice.
422
00:20:45,801 --> 00:20:48,834
We've been thinking
about you the whole time.
423
00:20:48,834 --> 00:20:50,701
O.k.?
424
00:20:50,701 --> 00:20:52,167
O.k.
425
00:20:53,734 --> 00:20:55,234
Hold on, D.J.
426
00:20:55,234 --> 00:20:57,167
Forget everything
I just said.
427
00:20:57,167 --> 00:20:59,300
We're so sorry,
honey.
428
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,033
Yeah, we're
really sorry.
429
00:21:02,234 --> 00:21:04,667
You go up and brush
your teeth and get in bed,
430
00:21:04,667 --> 00:21:08,067
And me and daddy
will read you a story.
431
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:11,234
Any story?
Even a long one?
432
00:21:11,234 --> 00:21:14,300
Even one we already read
100 times.
433
00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:15,801
O.k.
434
00:21:15,801 --> 00:21:18,834
O.k. We'll be up
in a minute.
435
00:21:18,834 --> 00:21:20,234
Ouch.
436
00:21:20,234 --> 00:21:21,734
I really screwed up,
437
00:21:21,734 --> 00:21:24,667
But I'll be home
a lot more now.
438
00:21:24,667 --> 00:21:28,434
Yeah. He can hang out
with me at the shop.
439
00:21:28,434 --> 00:21:29,834
Yeah. He'll like that.
440
00:21:29,834 --> 00:21:32,234
You still want
any coffee?
441
00:21:32,234 --> 00:21:33,767
No. I'm too beat.
442
00:21:33,767 --> 00:21:35,901
Yeah. Let's
go to bed.
443
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:45,834
Oh, my god.
444
00:21:47,267 --> 00:21:50,200
I can't believe
we forgot about him again.
445
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:54,767
He better learn how
to bitch and moan
like his sisters,
446
00:21:54,767 --> 00:21:57,701
Or he won't make it
in this family.
447
00:21:58,734 --> 00:21:59,734
Come here.
448
00:22:01,167 --> 00:22:03,167
How come you're not
at the mall?
449
00:22:03,167 --> 00:22:04,501
I'm on a break.
450
00:22:04,501 --> 00:22:07,901
You came all the way down here,
that's some long break.
451
00:22:07,901 --> 00:22:11,467
In 10 minutes
it will be a whole day.
452
00:22:11,467 --> 00:22:14,901
I'm just not cut out
for that squirt business.
453
00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:16,601
Look at
these magazines.
454
00:22:16,601 --> 00:22:20,167
I just buy them
for pictures
of the naked women.
455
00:22:20,167 --> 00:22:21,167
[Telephone rings]
456
00:22:21,167 --> 00:22:23,000
Jacks, can you...
457
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,501
I can get that.
458
00:22:24,501 --> 00:22:26,901
[Ring]
459
00:22:26,901 --> 00:22:28,968
Lanford custom cycle.
460
00:22:28,968 --> 00:22:30,968
No, she's not--
461
00:22:30,968 --> 00:22:34,434
She's not in
right now, mom.
462
00:22:35,701 --> 00:22:37,167
Yeah. Hi, it's me.
463
00:22:37,167 --> 00:22:40,868
Oh, I'm o.k.
How are you doing?
464
00:22:40,868 --> 00:22:42,801
Oh, my god.
465
00:22:43,934 --> 00:22:47,868
No, I'm not seeing
anybody else yet.
466
00:22:47,868 --> 00:22:49,367
Listen, hey, mom,
467
00:22:49,367 --> 00:22:51,434
The other line
is ringing,
468
00:22:51,434 --> 00:22:55,868
So I'm just going
to put you on hold
for one second.
469
00:22:55,868 --> 00:22:57,367
O.k. Hang on.
470
00:22:57,367 --> 00:22:58,367
[Music plays]
471
00:23:00,868 --> 00:23:02,367
* Sha la la la la *
472
00:23:02,367 --> 00:23:03,868
* La la la la la *
473
00:23:03,868 --> 00:23:04,868
* La la la *
474
00:23:04,868 --> 00:23:05,901
* La... **
475
00:23:05,901 --> 00:23:07,901
Oh, my, oh, well...
476
00:23:21,467 --> 00:23:22,567
Let's vogue.
477
00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:23,767
Oh, yeah.
32468
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