Original subtitles

[Music]

I am so sorry.

[Phone ringing]

Hello?

Dad, what's going on?

Ah, nothing.

I just got my hand in a chicken.

Yeah, it's dead.

Where are you?

Oh, cool.

Hi.

Hey.

There's a chicken

On your hand.

No, Carly just walked in.

Yeah, sure.

For you.

Who is it?

Our creator.

Dad?

He's on a submarine.

Oh, cool.

Dad, hey.

Yeah, we're doing

iCarly tonight, why?

No way.

How?

How what?

Shh.

Really?

Oh my God, that's so great.

What's great?

Shhh.

So, everyone, on the whole sub?

Every who on the whole what?

Just stuff your chicken.

That's so amazing.

Right, so I guess

I'll see you tonight.

I mean, I won't see you,

But you'll see me.

You know what I mean.

Yeah.

Okay, you wanna talk

To Spencer again?

Yay.

Oh, you don't.

Oh...

Okay, bye.

What?

His submarine's docked

Right off the coast of alaska

Where they have internet access.

So, he and the whole crew

Are gonna watch iCarly tonight.

Fo realz?

Fo yeah.

It's gonna be the first time

He's seen our show live.

And why is your hand

In a chicken?

I got a date.

Who with?

With a real woman.

As opposed to?

I just...

I just mean she's like

A really classy lady.

Get this.

Her name is candice.

Classy.

She's the president

Of her own company.

She reads books,

And she wears pantyhose.

Impressive.

Yeah.

So you're making her dinner?

Uh-Huh.

She wrote in her online profile

That she likes sophisticated men

Who can cook.

So I'm making her dinner,

And I bought these.

Sophisticated?

I guess.

Where'd you get those?

You know socko's cousin,

The optometrist?

Isaac?

Yep.

[Phone ringing]

Ummm, I think

Your cell phone's ringing.

Yeah.

You see it?

[Phone ringing]

Could it be in your chicken?

Aw, man.

Pretty sophisticated.

In five, four, three, two...

Sync by fant0m www.addic7ed.com

Hey, Carly.

Yeah?

Is it weird if a guy

Grows hair between his toes?

Why? Do you?

No...

Did you see Sam's e-mail?

No, what e-mail?

She's in jail.

What?

What happened?

She was at the jiffy mart

Buying a snack

And a guy cut in front of her.

So she shoved a hot chili dog

Down his pants

And it turns out

The guy was an ambassador

From mexico.

Aw, Sam.

So then what happened?

He yelled,

"Los frijoles calientes

"Quema mis pantalones.

Ohhhhh."

No, I mean, with Sam?

Oh.

The cops showed up

And took her down to juvy.

Awwww.

Her mom's on her way there,

But Sam says there's no way

She's getting out till tomorrow.

So, you're canceling iCarly?

Well, I don't see how we're

Gonna be able to do the show...

No, we're not

Canceling iCarly.

We've never canceled the show.

And my dad's watching it

Live tonight for the first time.

I thought

Spencer was your dad.

Gibby.

Well, how are we gonna

Do the show without Sam?

Spencer.

Normal, here I come.

[Music]

Spencer, Spencer.

Yeah, what's up?

I need you to fill in for Sam

On iCarly tonight.

Why? Where's Sam?

Juvy.

Again?

What'd she do?

She shoved a hot chili dog

Down a foreign

Dignitary's pants.

Senor guttierez?

Yeah, how'd you know?

He tweeted about it.

How come you follow senor...

Please, shut up.

Will you do iCarly with me?

Can't.

But dad's watching tonight.

We have to do it for dad.

You know, I have a date

With candice.

So, reschedule it.

She's already on her way.

Ah, come on.

Just have candice wait down here

Till the show is over.

Or she can come up and watch.

Yeah.

Noooo.

She's a very

Sophisticated woman.

I can't have her thinking

I spend my time

Hanging with teenagers

Doing goofy stuff.

That's like all you do.

Yeah, but I can't

Have her thinking that.

She wears pantyhose.

Please?

This is really important to me.

Any other night,

You know I would,

But this date is...

It's...she's...she's not...no, no.

Carly, don't.

No, don't.

Unicorns and taffy.

Lip gloss.

Okay, okay.

I'll fill in for Sam tonight.

Yay, be upstairs

In four minutes.

Three minutes.

I feel duped.

[Doorbell]

Just a moment.

[Music]

Hello, candice.

Spencer.

Won't you come in?

Thank you.

May I take your coat?

I'm not wearing a coat.

Touche.

What a charming place,

So many toys and things.

Very whimsical.

Well, I have...

I have a teenage sister.

You know teenagers,

What with their whimsical toys

And such.

Spencer.

Oh, that's her now.

Here, why don't you have

Some cucumber water,

And I'll go see

What Carly needs.

Thank you.

Until I return.

I'll be here.

Spencer?

Yes?

I think these are

Pickle slices in the water.

Ah, pickles,

The cucumber's grumpy cousin.

I'm here, when do we start?

45 seconds.

Tell me what I do.

Okay.

Freddie says,

"In five, four, three, two,"

Then points at us.

Then we introduce the show.

Then after that we go

To that wheel over there

And do a bit called

"Put that in your man purse,"

Which you don't know about

But just play along

And you'll figure it out

As we go.

Why doesn't freddie say,

"In five, four, three,

Two, one?"

No one knows.

I know.

No one cares.

Now hurry, take your jacket

And glasses off.

But I look so sophisticated.

This is iCarly.

We don't do sophisticated.

10 seconds.

Now, stand here next to me.

I am.

Shhh.

Ready or not, in five,

Four, three, two.

I'm Carly.

And I'm Spencer,

Filling in for Sam, who's...

...been unexpectedly...

...detained.

Yes, detained.

Now, this is a very special

iCarly tonight,

Because my dad...

Our dad.

He's both our dad's.

We're siblings.

They know that.

My dad, colonel steven shay

Of the united states air force

Is watching iCarly live tonight

From a submarine

Just off the coast of alaska.

I don't think you should

Give away his position.

Uh, I meant

The coast of nebraska.

Yes, deep in the

Nebraskan ocean.

Okay, the first thing

We're gonna do tonight...

...uh, is play

A little game called...

Yay.

Yo.

Yes.

Now, this is a man purse.

It belongs to our

Nasty doorman, lewbert.

So nasty.

Last thursday,

Lewbert threw this man purse

At our technical producer,

Freddie.

It hit me in the neck.

So we're gonna fill it

With something fun.

This way.

I'll go that way.

We're gonna spin this wheel

And whatever it lands on...

...that's the substance

We're gonna pour

Into lewbert's man purse?

Who catches on fast?

Meeeee!

And now it's time to...

Spin that wheel.

Go Spencer.

Well, okay.

Awwwww.

Sour milk.

Ta-Da.

We left this gallon of milk

Out in the sun for two weeks.

Whaa.

Whoah.

Jeez.

Ohh.

Augh.

And now let's open

Lewbert's man purse.

Ewwww.

Ahh.

Go.

Oh, gross.

Augh.

Merry christmas.

Oh, ho-Ho-Ho.

Oh, ho-Ho.

Okay, now we'll

Let that marinate.

Now, please enjoy

Our little friend Gibby

As he teaches us

New vocabulary words

While simultaneously

Brushing his teeth with mustard.

Gibby?

I'll be right back.

Where are you going?

Candice doesn't know

I'm doing this.

I have to stall her.

Okay, but hurry back.

Will do.

Aah.

No, I know.

Ah-Ha, there you are.

There you are.

I was starting to worry.

Ah, I was just helping

My little sister with an issue.

You know how teenage girls

Can be.

Oh, yes.

What was her problem?

Why don't we sit down?

All right.

Right this way.

Here we are.

That is a purple dress.

Now, why don't you try

Some of these mushroom tartlets?

Oo, I'd love one.

And I'll be right back

After I run upstairs

Just to check...

You know the first time

I ever had a mushroom tartlet?

No, I don't.

Well, I just finished

Business school,

And one of my professors

Invites me to this party

At his condo.

Oh-Ho, professors and condos.

Listen, I'll be right back

After i...

Wait, wait, wait.

So I show up at the party

Dressed casual.

Casual?

Business casual.

But when I get in,

I see it is black tie formal.

So I'm hopelessly underdressed.

No.

Yes.

And then, he says...

Why isn't Spencer back yet?

I don't know,

But Gibby's been doing this bit

For four minutes.

So it's at least an hour

And a half later.

And I come back to the party,

Now dressed appropriately...

Yay, a happy ending.

Now, I really should go upstairs

And check on Carly.

Wait, I'm getting to the part

About the mushroom tartlet.

Are you?

Can I stop?

Spencer's not back yet.

Keep going.

It tastes so bad.

Where have you been?

Candice was telling me

A story about mushroom tartlets

And wouldn't shut up.

Well, hurry up

And put on that cowboy stuff.

Okay, okay.

Cornucopia.

Psst.

Sorry Gibby,

That's all we have time for.

And now...

Hi.

Oh, well hello there,

Farm girl.

You have a squirrel

On your face.

Why, no ma'am.

The only furry thing

Upon my face would be

This a'here mustache.

Really?

Well, excepting for these,

Which is eyesbrow.

Those are baby squirrels.

What?

No ma'am, you've made a mistake,

Part two.

I'm afraid I must reittamerate,

"There ain't nary

No squirrels upon my face."

You're stupid.

Oh.

What's up?

Hi.

[Music]

Ha.

Hey-Hey, hey hey.

Hey.

You just done went

And bit my foot.

Shhhh.

You'll wake up the squirrels

On your face.

There ain't a'no squirrels

On my face.

This concludes

Tonight's installment of...

And now, please enjoy

This pre-Taped,

Super-Slow motion footage

Of Carly shaking her

Very wet hair,

Much like a dog after a swim.

Please don't go

Back downstairs

Till the show's over.

I have to.

Dad's watching.

I want the show to be great.

I'll be back

Up in three minutes.

You said that last time.

I promise.

Eyebrows, yeeowww.

Okay, after the wet

Hair thing,

Play a couple more clips

While I set up for "hey,

What am I licking?"

Okay.

Who's gonna be the licker?

You.

Awesome.

Here I come.

Sorry, it took so long,

But Carly needed...

Aah, aah.

Aah.

Who's hungry?

I am.

Are you all right?

Sure, why? What?

Well, you just tumbled down

A flight of hardwood stairs,

And you're wearing

A big fake mustache.

Oh, yes.

I was just helping Carly

With a biology project

For school.

How's a fake mustache

Tie in with

A high school biology project?

Do you like yams?

Sure.

Good, 'cause I made

A lovely yam puree

With almond butter

To go with our

Roasted stuffed chicken.

How's that sound?

Delicious,

And it smells divine.

Divine.

Now, you sit there.

All right.

And here's some yam puree...

Thank you.

Try it.

Okay.

Mmmmm, the almond butter

Gives it such a rich...

Okay, is it a shoe?

No, no.

Keep guessing.

Ummm, is it a guitar?

No, lick it again.

C'mon, 23 seconds left.

Ummm, um, is it a basket?

Oh, wrong, not a basket.

Listen to your tongue.

My tongue is still numb

From the mustard.

10 seconds.

Oh, uhhh,

Is it a tennis racquet?

Yes.

[Bells ringing]

Wow!

Good licking, gib.

Yeah, baby.

This has been...

Okay.

Coming up next, the englishman

Who was a terrible father

To his two children

Named fuffley & peeta.

Fuffley and peeta!

But for the next two minutes,

Please enjoy this footage

That freddie shot

Of a crazy old man

Screaming at a stop sign.

Playback.

I'm in a hurry,

You red octagonal demon.

Turn green.

What happened to johnny carson?

Answer me that.

...me.

Yay.

What is that sound?

It's your new baby,

Me little brother.

I have no new baby.

But of course you do.

His name is lumpley.

Look, the nanny

Is bringing him now.

Here's baby lumpley.

Yay, yay, yay.

It's my family.

Yay, I live in england.

Baby wumpwee want to have

An english accent.

Yay.

Hay-Hay-Hay.

That is not my child.

Oh.

Remove him.

But sir, you requested,

I bring him.

He is indeed

Your child, father.

Poppycock.

Poppycock.

Baby wumpwee wanna do

The poppycock dance.

♪ I want a girl with ♪

♪ a mind like a diamond ♪

♪ I want a girl who ♪

♪ knows what's best ♪

♪ I want a girl with ♪

♪ shoes that cut ♪

♪ and eyes that burn ♪

♪ like cigarettes... ♪

Yay.

Heh-Heh-Heh-Heh-Heh.

Now, baby hungee.

Waaaah.

Someone feed that beast.

Might I also have

Some food, father?

No, floss my toes.

Oh, father.

Get between daddy's toes.

Boo-Hoo.

Floss.

Father, please.

It smells like gorgonzola.

Yay, baby so hungee.

Have some creamed fish.

Yay, hungee, hungee.

Whoa, maaaah.

Creamed fish is bad.

No, no more.

I don't want it.

What is going on here?

Uh-Oh.

Baby was worried

This would happen.

Spencer?

Could you give me

Like five minutes

And I'll be right down?

I've been waiting

Almost a half-hour

Down there by myself.

And what is all this anyway?

It's a live web show,

And we refuse

To break character.

Who is this woman?

Off with her head.

If her head does come off,

Might I please eat it?

I feel it's time

For baby lumpley to have

Some more creamed fish.

Oh.

[Choking sound]

Oh! Oh, good heavens.

Baby lumpley has creamed fish

Stuck in his gullet.

I'll heimlich his tummy.

Uh-Oh.

That wasn't very sophisticated.

You're all freaks.

Come again.

Strumpet.

Bye, bye, pantyhose.

Well, I think that's it

For this unusual episode

Of iCarly.

I love you, dad.

Stay safe.

Yay, yay, yay, hay, hay.

Bye daddy.

Hay, hay, hay.

I'm sorry if this

Embarrasses you.

Wait.

Before we go,

I think baby lumpley wants

Some more creamed fish.

Nooooo.

Ah, baby no like...

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Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0