Original subtitles

It was really nice of your mom

to give me a ride home from school.

Ah, she just likes me hanging out with you

'Cause she thinks it'll keep me out of jail.

Hey,why'd it take you guys so long to get home for school?

Cause my mom had to stop at Save-Mart to pick up her ointment.

Any more questions?

I'm home.

Spencer.

Bonjour.

Hi, hey, you. Can't talk.Super busy.

Okay, what is up with you?

There's an art gallery downtown that wants to showcase

new works by great unknown artists.

Awesome.

You're greatist.

And you're definitely unknown.

Thank you.

So how do you get your stuff in the gallery?

They have to think it's really good,

which is why I gotta finish my latest three sculptures

that I call,

"Yippee Yiyo,"

"the elephant cycle"

and my Christmas tree of noses,

which I call, "Merry Sniffmas."

Now, I gotta finish these,

I can't talk.

Do you realize this gallery is the place where Harry Joyner

first showcased his artwork almost 20 years ago?

Who's Harry Joyner??

Harry Joyner's Spencer's favorite pop artist.

Of all time.

Sure, I'll have a snack.

I didn't offer you a snack.

Well,let's pretend you did.

Okay, where's my green yo-yo?

I just had my green yo-yo?

It's in your hand.

It's in my hand.

Man, I've never seen Spencer so freaked out.

I know. I wish we could calm him down.

Where's my hot glue gun?

I can't work with cold glue.

He seriously thinks that gallery won't like his sculptures?

All crazy people worry their stuff's lame.

It's an artisits' thing.

Hey, what if we get Harry Joyner come here?

Do you know how much it would mean to Spencer

if his idol complimented his art?

Yeah, but isn't that Joyner dude, like, famous?

How are you gonna get him?

He lives in Seattle.

I could send him an e-mail. Worth a shot.

Okay.

I am missing a nose.

I had another nose

just like these two noses,and now I can't find it.

Mall that dude fast.

Like soon.

Or now.

In five, four, three, two.

I know, you see

somehow the world will change for me

And be so wonderful

Live life, breathe air

I know somehow we're gonna get there

And feel so wonderful

It's all for real

I'm tellin' you just how I feel

so wake up the members of my nation

It's your time to be

There's no chance unless you take one

And the time to see the brighter side of every situation

Some things are meant to be

So give your best and leave the rest to me

Leave it all to me

Leave it all to me

Just leave it all to me

iCarly S01E14 iHeart Art

- Look at Lubert. - Worst doorman ever.

I know.

Who eats half a cheeseburger, then falls asleep?

Someone who just lost the other half cheseburger.

Sam, gross.

It's not my fault.

Waiting around for people makes me crave meat.

Do you even know what Harry Joyner looks like?

Yeah, you know, he looks like a man with a face and hair.

Yeah,I have an uncle that looks a lot like that.

So what'd you say in your e-mail to get Joyner to come here?

It wasn't what I said.

It was the pictures I attached of Spencer's sculptures.

Joyner liked them?

I guess.

He said he wanted to come and see them in person.

That is so cool.

You know what else is cool?

-What? -Not you.

See?

I told you.

Anytime a chance comes along for you to insult me,

you just gotta jump on it.

You really should be nicer to him.

Ha, she couldn't be nicer to me if she tried

'cause she has no self-control.

I have oodles of self-control.

I self-control myself all the time.

Good, then prove it.

Don'insult Freddie for a whole week.

No problem.

And what if she does?

Okay, for every insult, you owe Freddie five bucks.

Fine.

Good,I'm gonna be rich.

No, 'cause I'm not gonna say one mean word to you.

Really?

You wanna kiss me?

Kiss you?

Dude, I'd rather not do that at this time,

but I appreciate your kind offer.

Impressive.

Good girl.

Pardon me, is one of you Carly?

Harry Joyner?

In the flesh.

Tanks so much for coming here.

Well, I was intrigued by the photographs you e-mail me

So I'd like to see your brother's sculptures with my own eyes.

Oh my god,

you have no idea how blown away he's gonna be when he sees you.

You're his hero.

Oh.

Come on, let's go upsirs.

My mom is my hero.

This is gonna be a long week.

Man, I hate this yo-yo,

the glue won't stick to the plastic surface.

Why don't you try an adhesive bonding gel?

That's a good idea.

How did you--

Mr. Joy--Mr. Joy--

Joyner.

Call me Harry.

Okay.

Harry? Wow.

Your little sister sent me an e-mail that

attached some photos of your sculptures.

You.

Me.

Her.

And since I'm working on a new project nearby,

I thought I'd pop over and see your work in person.

Well, thanks for poppin'.

What kind of project are you working on?

Oh, it's a fantastic one.

You see, since I've already made sculptures

out of every material known to man,

I figured I'd make a sculpture out of man himself.

Like a human sculpture?

Precisely.

A human sculpture which I shall photograph

and quite likely, frame.

But let's talk about your creations.

Oh, here they are.

These are the sculptures I've been workin' on.

I see.

I see.

Structure.

Interesting, yes.

Interesting.

I see what you're trying to do.

All right.

Well?

I don't love them.

Oh.

But you like them, right?

Honestly, I don't.

I mean, look, these pieces are cute, amusing,

but they're uri at best.

Not to say that they're bad, just not good.

All right then,

I've got a rather packed schedule so I should run.

Pleasure to meet you, Spencer.

Children.

Spencer.

I gotta-

I gotta go, uh, lay down.

Spencer,it's been four hours.

I think you need to get off the kitchen table.

Why? Is Santa Claus here to tell me

I'm ugly and have no friends?

Spencer, get up, come on.

No.

You need to get off the table.

- Come on, get up, get up. - Comfy right here.

Ow.

You weren't supposed to fall on the floor.

Well, you know, gravity.

So Harry Joyner didn't like your art, he is one person.

Yeah.

My number one idol in the art world,

and he thinks my sculptures are amateurous and not good.

This may be the worst thing that'sr happed in my life.

It's like a giant rain cloud has opened up above me and--

No, don't. This isn't funny.

-Spencer. -No.

-Spencer. -No.

Spencer, open the door.

I wanna be alone.

Hey, you wanna go to the

Galaxy Wars convention with me this weekend?

I'm dressing up as nug nug from the Planet Zorkon.

I'm not gonna insult you,

Freddie, you're not getting five bucks out of me.

When I grow up, I wonder what kind of girl wanna marry me?

After I take a shower,my mom makes me sign a piece of paper

promising that I shampoo twice.

Should I call an ambulance?

Make him stop setting me up to insult him.

It's killing me.

You're the one who said-

You guys, not now. Spencer's really upset.

Why?

Who cares Harry Joyner thinks?

Spencer does, a lot.

I've never seen him this depressed.

This is so dumb.

Spencer's sculptures are the best.

I know, but we've all told him that, and he won't believe us.

Maybe he needs to hear it from a few more people.

Going live in five, four,three, two.

Hello, people of earth who own computers.

Congratulations.

You've signed on to iCarly.com.

So sit back, take off your socks, and enjoy this fine webcast.

I'm Carly.

I'm Sam.

-That's not right. -Oh, wait.

I'm Carly.

I'm Sam.

We were momentarily confused.

But no worries.

'Cause tonight we've got

a very special episode of "iCarly" for you.

We're gonna take you people on a trip.

To a virtual art show.

Right here in the "iCarly" studio.

So you people can see some awesomely cool sculptures

and then leave your comments right here at iCarly.com.

You can't have art exhibit without music, right?

So say hello to Sam's cousin.

The one who's not in jail.

Our friend, Greg Patello.

Hey Carly, hi Sam.

-Hey Cude. -Hi Greg.

Why don't you crank up that flute

and get us this art exhibit started?

Yeah, baby.

Here we go.

How was that?

Boring.

Now show them how we do it iCarly style.

Hurry, greg.

He's playin' the flute-

And beatboxing.

At the same time.

All by himself.

My cousin's got talent.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah, woo.

Now, we call this next sculpture--

"Splatter man."

Now here's an enjoyable sculpture.

Which we like to call "yippee yi yo-yo."

Now, look at this next sculpture.

-It's a christmas tree -Of noses

Appropriately named-

"Merry sniffmas."

Baby squirrel made out of video camera parts.

Okay.

Look at this next sculpture.

It's a robot-

Made out of soda bottles.

His eyes light up red--

Whether he's angry or not.

This sculpture's called-

"The bottle bot."

Not to be confused with bubble butt,

which is what I call our teacher,

the horrible Miss Brigs.

Why say that live on the web?

She already hates you.

Which means I have nothing to lose.

Okay.

Now be sure to leave us your coments--

About all the sculptures we've shown you tonight.

And send us pics of your own artwork righre to carly-

.com,not .net.

.net is for losers.

Bye.

See ya.

You guys showed my artwork on your web show tonight?

Yea we did.

And those comments are from some of our viewers.

Yeah, just a few thousand.

They loved your sculptures.

Almost every comment we got said they're awesome.

Except for one from Sam's cousin in jail who wrote,

"Who cares about art? Get me out of this rat hole."

The point is, our viewers went nuts over your stuff.

Look at all those comments.

Are any of these comments from Harry Joyner?

Would you forget Harry Joyner?

I can't.

He's the guy who inspired me to become an artist.

Read these, e thounds of people

saying they ve your sculptures.

Then give them to those people

'Cause I got my self a new job.

Like a real job?

You can't have a realob you're spencer.

You're an artist.

Nope.

Starting tomorrow, I'm a dental assistant.

Spencer, open the door.

I got it.

Freddie, you didn't sign the shampoo agreement.

How do I know if you double pooed?

You thought I was kidding.

Come on, Carly, that's not ture.

It is true.

I ruined Spencer's life.

Never e-mailed that dumb Harry Joyner,

none of this would've ever happened.

I'm upset.

Aw, I think someone needs a hug.

Thanks.

Uh, Freddie?

Freddie, we can un-hug now.

Please let this last.

Hey, I'm home.

Hey.

Oh, hi, kids.

Oh, hey, Mrs.Benson.

Mom, what are you doing here?

Yeah, what's up?

I'm getting ready to go to work,

so Mrs.Benson's gonna stay with you.

Here.

I can't leave you alone.

Yeah, you can, sure you can.

She's gonna stay here?

I brought soy crisps.

Okay wait, it's after 4:00.

Who goes to work in a dental office after 4:00?

This dentist works afternoons and nights

for people that can't get away during the day

Well, you need to quit dentistry

and go back to being an artist.

Carly, I'm dentist assistant now.

Well, whatever.

I'm still way too old to have a babysitter.

Oh, now, don't think of me as your babysitter.

Think of me more as your gal pal who hangs with you

during afternoons and evenings.

So is this gonna be a regular thing?

Not that I don't love your mom, she's awesome.

Is this gonna be a regular thing?

For now, yeah.

See you later.

But what if-- but, but--oh.

I don't know how Freddie lives with his mom.

She wouldn't let me eat anything fun.

She blocked all the good tv channels

and she made me eat lasagna with a spoon.

Why a spoon?

She said forks are dangerous,that I could stab my tongue.

Yeah, that's not cool.

So not cool.

No, no, no.

What's wrong with you?

Why are you so jittery?

'Cause i'm freakin' out, man.

I'm freakin' out.

Why?

I haven't insulted Freddie in days--days.

I can't take it, Carly.

I cannot take it and the week's only half over.

So insult him once just to calm yourself down.

Can'tor the five bucks.

I spent all my allowance on beef jerky?

I can't handle not insulting at boy.

Don't you think my problem with Spencer

is a little more important than this?

Yeah, sorry.

It's all that stupid Harry Joyner's fault.

I'd like to stab his tongue with a fork.

Why did he have to be so mean to spencer

Maybe you should go talk to him.

Who? Joyner?

Yeah, he's still in town, right

Isn't he doin' some big human art sculpture

at the henshaw warehouse?

Yeah.

Hey, Carly.

Hi, Sam.

What do you think of my nug nug costume?

I'm wearing this to the galaxy wars convention.

Any comments, Sam?

Move.

Have fun at the convention, Nub Nub.

It's Nug Nug.

Whatever.

All right, let's get this done, people.

You there, put your finger in his ear.

Yes sir.

Perfect.

You, put your left shoe on your right hand.

Hey, Harry, talk to you?

What? No.

I have to pose all these people and take a photograph

before I lose the light.

Cheese cube.

I love cubes of cheese.

We just need a second.

Fine, what do you want?

Will someone please put a brassiere on that clown?

Harry.

What?

Ever since you told my brother

you didn't like his sculptures,he's been really upset.

You ruined his confidence.

Will someone please

rub that man's face on that wall over there?

Yes sir.

Thank you.

How would you feel if your hero told you your work stunk?

I am my own hero.

Look, even if you think he's terrible,

would you please just come talk to him?

Say something to make him feel better.

I got somebody.

Good.

Put the freak over there.

Sorry, short on time.

All right, let's get this show on the road.

Well, maybe Spencer will be a great dental assistant.

No, he won't.

Harry Joyner are no Harry Joyner,

Spencer's quitting that job and coming home right now.

Is this on right?

I don't know.

Wow, it's true.

They told us in dental school if you pushs

a person's tongue back, you trigger the spit gland,see?

Spencer.

Hi, what are you-

We need to talk.

Hey, you can't be in here.

I'm working with a patient.

Yeah, seriously, Carly, you gotta go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Carly, as in "iCarly?"

ICarly?

Is your little sister with the web show.

Yeah, that's me.

My child loves iCarly.

Really?

Sure.

You stay as long as you want.

Fun job?

Why are you here?

To bring you home so you can be an artist again.

I can't put my heart into something I'm no good at.

and I really like being a dental assistant.

It's fun.

You need to go home.

Good, take me there.

I don't get off work until--

Hello, Spencer.

Hi, Harry.

How come you're-

Hey, you can't be in here.

I'm workin'-

Harry Joyner the artist?

The artist?

Indeed.

I love your work.

Thank you.

You stay as long as you want.

I'll assume that was a compliment.

Thank you.

So why are you here?

Carly came by my photo shoot today.

She told me you decided to quit being an artist.

Well, yeah, I have.

It's okay.

It's not your fault my art's terrible.

Your art's not terrible.

It's good-- great, actually.

But I thought you--

Then why'd you say you didn't like it?

Truthfully, when I saw your work, I was jealous.

Jealous? Of me?

Your sculptures are

better than anything I've done in a long time.

Now, do you believe you're talent£¿

Spencer, do the world a favor, be an artist.

Okay.

Hey, if you're good as he says that you are,

how about you building me a sculpture

for my waiting room over there?

I'll pay you 1,000 bucks.

Done.

Would you like a little help with that project?

Wait, you're sayin' you wanna work with me on a sculpture.

Only if you don't faint every time I talk to you.

Do you think I have too much here?

Don't ask me.

Just as much as you think you need.

But I want your opinion.

You don't need my opinion.

Well, I crave your opinion.

I crave a hamburger.

I'll make you a hamburger as soon as we're done.

All right.

-I'm home. -We're here.

-Hey, guys. -Hello.

Wow, you got home from school fast.

Sam's mom gave us a ride again.

That was nice of her.

Nah, she just likes dumpin' me here.

Freddie with you guys?

No, but since Carly's home, he'll probably be here in--

-What's up? -Zero seconds.

I would've been here sooner,

but I was helping mom knit a sweater.

Any comment?

Oh, please let me insult you once for free.

Nope.

Five bucks an insult.

Then I think it's very sweet you were helping your mommy knit.

Impressive.

You're just lucky I'm broken.

This sculpture's lookin' awesome.

That dentist dude's really gonna pay you 1,000 bucks for that?

Paid in advance.

-Sweet. -Whoa.

And since you guys helped me get my artical career back,

40 for you, you, and 41 for my little sister.

Aw, I'm special.

And now that I have 40 bucks, you're a nerd.

Thank you.

Your breath smells like dead feet.

Sure.

No girl will ever want you.

Noted.

I don't like your pants.

Fair enough.

-If you were a country, you'd be yourself salva-dork. -Clever.

Did I make fun of your butt yet?

-Nope. -It's oddly shaped.

-Keep going. -So is your head.

Awesome.

Remember my cousin Greg?

The dude that plays the flute and beatboxes?

You can see him play more great stuff at iCarly.com.

So go check it out at iCarly.com.

You gotta go to iCarly.com.

You must go to iCarly.com.

You must go to iCarly.com.

You must go to iCarly.com.

Please, go to iCarly.com.

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