Original subtitles

Made in 1981 by the 1 and 5 production companies.

Delegate producer:

Filmed in the "Bucharest Film Production Center" studios

"I feel enormously and see monstrously" I.L. Caragiale

Damn it! Mr. Iancou... Let's play another one...

One more, and then we go home...

C'mon, Mr. Iancou, don't be so stubborn...

Let him be... - Don't be so happy 'bout it...

You've won, so what?! Lucky at cards, unlucky in love.

Let him be, man... - Why?! He knows...

Right, Mr. Iancou? We know...

Jeez... He knows better. Who knows it better than him?

He knows... it's already happened to him.

Poor devil. It was the same with me.

Jeez Louise!

Me...

Wait for Victor to appear

The carriage...

Stay there!

Move away...

CARNIVAL SCENES

Screenplay by Lucian Pintilie based on the work of I.L. Caragiale.

Assistant director:

Make up:

Edited by:

Sound:

Costumes:

Set design:

Produced by:

Director of photography:

Directed by:

Since people saw us Making love,

They speak about us day and night Sometimes well and sometimes ill.

Why should I care 'bout it? Whom should I take it out on?

There's an old saying...

You little bitch... sweet whore...

You animal! You're killing me!

My hat! Where's my hat? - Fuck this life!

Mother fucker... - He's gonna kill me...

Go to hell!

What am I gonna do?! - What the hell am I doing here?

I looked for trouble... - Not that way. Towards the toilet!

Not there!

I'm an idiot!

I'd better let her sleep.

When she'll see tomorrow all the money I won... Move!

What the...

"The Stylish Barbershop... Nae Girimea."

the douche bag..."

will be leaving tomorrow..."

"Wednesday..."

for Ploiesti..."

Lovingly yours, Mitsa."

Is this...

What's the matter, huh? Is this Mr. Nae Girimea's barbershop?

Yes. Haircut? A shave? - Nothing.

Wash your hair then, maybe? - Never. I'm ill, I have...

Toothache? - Leave me alone!

I'm not washing my hair because I suffer from heart beats.

I haven't come here for all this gibberish!

Then what for? - Some business with Mr. Girimea.

Listen...

Are you him, by any chance? - No, I'm his assistant.

Mr. Nae ain't here?! - No sir, but he won't be long.

Then I'll wait for him too... okay? - By all means...

Bloody bastards...

Bloody bastards...

Tell me, do you offer...

Season tickets? - Sure! 12 shaves, 3 francs...

Let see if the competition can do the same...

And your season tickets... are they stamped like this?

That's the old version, withdrawn from circulation.

I have to exchange it. - Nope!

This ticket is special...

We had this version up until 3 months ago, to save money...

Mr. Nae used to stamp a piece of paper or cardboard,

and then he'd cross out every shave up to twelve...

But since the trouble with that druggist...

Mr. Mae's decided to have them printed with numbers on.

I shave you, I knock off a number.

A druggist?! What trouble? - That damned druggist...

Just imagine...

We shave him, say on Tuesday, we cross one out on his ticket.

Another cross on Thursday. Next Thursday,

there's only one cross on the ticket. I add one... so there's two.

Another one on Thursday... three. Next Tuesday, the ticket is blank.

Blank? - As blank as it can be.

How come?! - Listen to this!

It went on like this for ten months before we realized it...

We had lots of customers. How pays attention?!

Go ahead, tell me already!

Didn't you say you were waiting for Mr. Nae?

Of course, but tell me already! - If you keep interrupting...

I'm not! - You are!

So... He erased the crosses with some druggist's tricks of his...

Mr. Nae didn't want to cause a stir, though he had a case...

But good chap that he is, just took his ticket and all his money...

...gave him a nice little semen, slapped him around a bit

and threw him out. Bloody bastards...

So you withdrew these tickets three months ago?!

And he took back the faked ticket from the druggist?

Yep...

And did he use only one ticket all those months?

How should I know?! - It's impossible! Try and remember.

How should I know? - Remember! Just remember!

I can't! - I have an idea! I'm off now.

Tell Mr. Nae I've got to talk to him.

Pardon, ma'am... - Where's Nae?!

Don't know. He left this morning and he hasn't come back yet.

As soon as he's back, I'm off to lunch.

Then I'm gonna wait for him too.

And if he comes in late?! Am I supposed to starve?!

I have to go eat... - I don't care... lordache...

What's up?! - lordache!

What? - lordache!

What's goin' on? - I'm over and done with...

Has Bowlegs got wind of anything? - Bowlegs?!

I'm telling you I'm over and done with...

Why? - Nae... Nae whom I loved...

more than anything... you know how much...

Well, yeah... - Nae is cheating on me.

Nah... - He is, for sure!

No way! - I'm telling you!

I haven't seen him for a week. I sent him a note:

"My adored Bibi, the douche bag will be leaving tomorrow..."

"I'll be alone and uncomforted, but come and we'll have a party"

"I'm seriously ill." And Nae didn't even answer.

He's in love with another woman, my cards told me so...

Undivided affection, ardent passion... ... marriage plans...

rendezvous every evening... ... the Queen of Spades!

Shouldn't believe all this nonsense!

Bloody bitches...

Go ahead, come on in.

He might know who I am, I don't wanna disgrace myself...

A tooth? It's as well as out.

I must know who she is... There will be scandal...

A scandal as there never was one before...

Can you remove it? Do it then!

It'll be out in a flash. Take a seat.

I've tried everything... My gums are ruined.

Once it's decayed, there's only one cure:

a dose of forceps...

So, I should wash your socks and your underwear.

She who loves must wash...

One day I'll wash your bones... ... your bones!

For you forgot that I'm a daughter of the people and I'm violent.

You did something to me and I can't forget you...

Didn't I tell you I'm a contender? It's been two years, and nothing!

Nothing?

You go and have fun, you go to bal masques...

But I'll live to see you stiff and cold, so God may help me!

So... nothing?! - Nothing at all.

But you're not paying taxes... - Well, to be fair, no.

Well, that ain't so bad... Take off your scarf...

What for? - Otherwise I can't do it.

Do what? - You can't open your mouth.

Why should I open it? - To let me pull it out.

Pull what out? - That's a good one.

The tooth, of course! - The tooth?!

Why, yes! - I don't want it out.

It doesn't hurt anymore...

What do you mean?!

A mate of mine taught me a trick he'd read in Matthews book...

Saint Matthew? - Not the saint...

A calluses specialist from Italy...

The hell with your specialists and your Italy!

It has to have a basis! Even if it's a small one...

Otherwise it ain't natural...

Could be, but it's got nothing to do with the tooth.

Come on, look.

Damn you!

The hell with your Italian, you moron!

It's started again and it's terrible.

Sit down. - Pull it out.

In a sec! It won't be more painful than a flea-bite.

Wait, wait! It doesn't hurt anymore. That Italian was no fool...

But sir... - Good bye!

Madam Mitsa...

Madam Mitsa! - What is it?

As you wait for him anyway, I'm off to eat something.

I'll be right back. Okay? - Go along.

But you won't leave... - Go!

I won't move 'til he comes. - I'm off then. Be right back.

Go...

I must wait for him. I must. He has to come...

He thinks he can cheat on me and get away with it... Never.

One has to have a clear conscience! To the very end!

They fired you? - Yep!

All right then.

Mr. Mitica...

Don't you get it, man? Mr. Mitica was fired too.

Wrong, I got promoted!

Now I work in the park: I chase away the flies.

You should offer us a round...

I can't, my socks are pinching me.

And I was just going to ask you for a few coins.

You crazy?! I never carry metal, I might be hit by thunder.

Isn't Mr. Nae back yet? - Nope, I'm waiting for him too.

Thanks, sir.

If you care to wait, he'll be back. If not him, then the boy...

Are you one of the family, or perhaps his wife?

Neither one. I am, or rather I was, his friend.

I've come to settle a little affair. - Same as me.

Can't be the same. I have been cheated on.

A matter of the heart? - Of the heart...

Same as me!

So if you wanna tell me about modern principles,

then first implement them yourself and then talk about them.

Is your dagger a modern principle? Consequently, is the axe one, too?!

Mr. lordache's cabbage! - Give me a break!

You have no idea what modern principles means.

My dear, you're awful, please...

Just let me finish and we're off... - It's half past noon.

Mr. lordache's cabbage is getting cold.

Stop it, you're awful!

Enjoy your dinner!

Is that from the gospel too? - Yep...

Listen, Mr. Mitica... Why bother go to the park?

We'll have our own flies at the exhibition.

I can't, my dear, I'm too insignificant for them...

Those are anniversary flies.

For I've got proof, ma'am, papers I found in Didina's room.

Didina? - Yes... my mistress.

My holiest of loves for whom I sacrificed my military career...

Before I met her, I was sergeant of police in Ploiesti.

But then... I met her...

And she... "Buy me this, buy me that..."

And I did buy her the this, and the that...

And look... look...

Sir, as far as politics is concerned, you can't...

you simply can't resort to violence without being guillotined...

Gimme a break... - You're awful!

It's a quarter to one. Either you come, or I go alone.

Don't forget that we have to stop by the Bath House, too...

What do you mean "go alone"? You crazy or somethin'?!

I'm mad with jealously. I couldn't sleep last night.

You tellin' me 'bout jealousy?! You couldn't sleep one night?

You have no idea how many nights...

Last night it was not because of the jealously.

I didn't know anything yet... I gambled 'til 6 in the morning.

I plucked them like chickens...

Nothing to be happy about. I win at cards too... So what?

Lucky at cards, unlucky in love...

It ain't a matter of luck, it's pure science!

I have to be damned unlucky not to win.

I play trumps all the time. I got a trick...

Keep the cards in my left hand, and play them with my right...

I cut with the Jack and then I put it back into my left hand.

Last night I swept the board. - Why doesn't Nae come?

Have any idea how much you owe?! - We'll pay...

Yeah, right! With what money? Tell me... Go on, tell me...

Or maybe you got something put aside? You'll pay shit.

I was just about to undress when I saw two bits of paper.

A ticket for Mr. Girimea's barbershop.

And a love letter from a lady to her Bibi.

Her Bibi?! - The druggist, yeah...

Let me tell you how I found he's a druggist...

Bibi... Could it be?!

Don't forget we meet tonight... Mr. Mitica! See you tonight!

lordache, see you tonight, or I'll kill you.

Let's go to the bath house!

Who heard such nonsense? I'm not allowed to borrow money

unless you allow me too... I'm not free in my own country!

See you tonight!

So the letter was addressed to "Bibi"?

Right. - Signed by whom?

"Lovingly yours, Mitsa".

God! I have a feeling... - What kind?

How's your mistress? - What do ya' mean?!

Is she of hearts, of clubs? - Of spades...

There, in the back, is the Nae Girimea's barbershop.

I'll show you the way... Pass the Bath House, and...

. Are you crazy? - Huh?

Don't listen to him...

Sir, listen to me! Go right over there!

Sir, do not play with a miserable woman's heart!

Tell me the truth. Did you find the letter in your mistress's room?

You swear? - On my honour.

Look at it... Have you read it? - Yeah...

Read it again.

"My adored Bibi, the douche bag will be leaving tomorrow",

"Wednesday, for Ploiesti. I'll be alone and uncomforted."

"I'm seriously ill, but come and we'll have a party."

"Lovingly yours, Mitsa."

Did you read it?

Now look at me...

I am the unfortunate woman who wrote this letter!

Can it be?! - Yes, it can!

And the man who visited your Didina is my lover.

Your lover?! The druggist?! - What druggist?!

He's no druggist! I'm gonna pull his eyes out!

Your lover?! - I'm gonna avenge myself!

Your revenge ain't enough! I wanna settle the score too!

I swear we'll have our revenge together!

I swear too! - You still here? He's coming!

Nae... Let him come! - Is Nae coming?

Not Nae, your man... Bowlegs went into the pub.

Let him come! - He's asking questions...

Hide quick... Here, look! - But this is Bowlegs!

Well... - What the hell is he doing here?!

Hide next door... - Are you leaving?

Yeah... - What about our deal?

We'll talk about it. - Go to hell, then.

Could she be pulling my leg?! Listen... who is she?

She's a lady. - I got that... But who is she?

I'll tell you later. - Here leaves Mr. Nae, the barber?

Yes, but he isn't here. - But he's coming back, I hope...

Not soon, I think... If it's him you want to see, then...

Hi... - Go to hell!

You'd better come back tonight, you'll find him then.

No use in waiting sir, he won't be in 'til very late.

Who knows? He might be back sooner.

Throw him out. - I can't! He wants to wait...

What are you going to do with him? - Nothing.

Throw him out!

Beautiful... Really beautiful...

What the hell is he doing here? - He's looking for Mr. Nae.

Did the other guy leave? - Nope...

Tell him to wait for me...

Knock when you get rid of him.

The lady said you should wait. - Very well.

Sir, Mr. Nae ain't coming back... I got to close the shop...

I got things to do in town... - Oh, you're about to close...

Then I'll be on my way, too...

of course you will, he can't lock you in, can he?!

Of course... Good bye, then. I'll come by later...

Please do...

The damned fool...

Who was that fellow? - That nasty bit of work?

The lover of the lady next door. - Oh, I see.

The lover of the lady next door?! The one I talked to right now?!

Mitsa? - Of course!

Is that her Bibi? - Why, yes, if I say so!

Is that Bibi? - Yes!

I've got my hand on Bibi! I'll get him dead or alive!

He's kinda crazy...

The customers I had today... Jeez!

Fine Carnival!

Mr. Nae, finally! I'd given up waiting for you.

Why? - Two fellows asked for you.

Who? - One I didn't know, but he's crazy.

The other is Bowlegs. - Bowlegs?

And Madam Mitsa's here too. - Mitsa's here?!

Here, my Bibi. Are you disappointed?

Why should I be? Don't be absurd. Really...

lordache, if you finished, be nice and leave us alone.

We got something personal to talk about...

I'm off then... I'll go finish my cabbage...

Bibi...

Bibi...

Bibi...

Why are you locking the door? - Somebody might come trouble us.

I've got something to tell you, in private.

Really?!

It's terrifying crime, get it? - People tend to exaggerate...

Exaggerate?! It can't get any sadder than that...

There comes a time when you go bankrupt and patriotism is dead.

Don't be so pessimistic. Things will get better.

The crop is wonderful! - What crop?!

Haven't you seen the rape?! - I haven't...

See? And that's not the worst of it...

Wait to see the wheat, the maize, and all the rest.

Why didn't you come the day before yesterday when I wrote to you?

I was ill. - Really?!

Yeah! - Did you get my letter?

I did! - Where is it? Show it to me.

Come on...

You wanna see the letter?! - Go on, show it to me.

All right, I'll show it to you... - Go ahead.

Just wait...

You'll see it in a sec... - Where is it?

I must have lost it. - Lost it? Where?

How should I know? If I'd known, I wouldn't have lost it!

You don't know where you left it? - No!

Bibi... Bibi! - What?

Bibi... - Let him be, it's his opinion.

He can tell it to his mother! He comes into my house with an axe,

with conspiracies and murders and I'm supposed to do nothing?!

Instead of boxing his ears, and telling him: "Enough!"

"I won't take it any longer in my own country!"

I can't say "Bravo!, "Well done, come back again!"

Forgive me, but let Protopopescu tell that to others...

See this phial? - Yeah... So?

Know what's inside? - Ink...

It ain't ink. dear... - It ain't?

Nope... It's vitriol! - Vitriol? You crazy?!

Don't you see what happens with the savings?

That exhibition is the last thing we need.

That's what we needed? Exhibitions? Asphalt?

So you, the State, come to me and say:

"All right, you got asphalt." What if I don't need it?

You come to me and have me swallow the telegraph,

Edison, Mackinson, Mackinson's mother,

and all kind of anonymous capitals that shatter the economy so badly

that you can't find your way out.

Are you scared? - of course I am.

Why, if you're innocent? - You don't know what vitriol is.

Yes I do... A sort of chemical. - But you don't know what it can do...

But I do... It burns, Bibi. Everything, in a flash, especially the eyes!

Whatever Mr. Protopopescu might say, allow me to tell you

that our Penal Law misses something...

Namely? - No death penalty, my dear.

How can you say that?!

Suppose Vlad the Impaler would come back

and fuck all these bandits... You stole from the State? Impaled!

Then what did we make the French Revolution for?

Gimme a break with the French Revolution.

That might be good for them. Here, you stole, I catch you...

I impale you! I catch you, I impale you!

Bibi! - All impaled, in a row!

Give me the phial! - No way!

Why would you keep such a thing? - Why...?

Why? - I need it!

What for? - What for...?

What for? - For you, sir, and for your Didina!

What Didina? - What Didina?!

The Didina you love and spent the night with, you knave!

It ain't true. Last night I was home, sick!

Liar, liar! - Go to hell!

You said you don't know where the letter is.

Let me tell you where it is... - No shit!

Her gentleman friend found it! - Pampon?!

I'm not Bibi, sir. I'm Telemac, Mache.

You're a liar, Bibi! A despicable liar!

You abused and deceived a woman

but now you're dealing with a man!

I've been looking for you for hours! We have a score to settle!

Now there's not enough time, but here's an advance!

Pampon's looking for you to kill you...

But before he does it, I'll kill you both, I will. I swear...

First Didina, then you, then myself.

Nonsense, how can you say that?

Now it's not the time to dissolve the army.

Why not? - Can't you see the confusion?

Don't you know about the Boxer Rebellion in China

while the rest of Europe can't understand anything of it?!

That's really important! How can you talk like that?

No matter how clean one is, he still has to wash from time to time.

You know what we need? Tyranny, like in Russia,

the Constitution's no good... Aren't you ashamed? Swine!

One can't be safe not even in the street.

Leave me alone! - I can't, 'cause I love you.

Do you love me? - You and only you.

You're the only one I love.

It's all a misunderstanding. You want scandal?

At all costs?! - Why?

You forgot that I'm a daughter of the people and I'm violent?!

Why scandal? - You forgot I'm a Republican?!

You forgot that the blood of the martyrs of February 11th

runs through my veins?!

February? - You forgot I'm from Ploiesti?!

I'm from Ploiesti and I'm gonna make a revolution

that you'll never forget!

What are going to do to me? - What am I going to do to you?!

What? - What?!

Police, police!

Haven't you seen a mustached idiot with his head shaven?

What way did he go? - That way!

Police, police!

You've stolen it, you fraud!

Brothers!

This will not stand! He slapped him four times...

An idiot came to me and told me I abused some woman...

Is this the one? - It's not him.

Go... - He was a man...

And... slap... slap... Four slaps...

This cannot stand, sir!

I'm a martyr of the Independence.

He slapped a martyr! - And a volunteer!

They're killing our volunteers and our martyrs!

We got a few martyrs and they are killing them!

Give me back the phial, you cad! - Take it...

Give it back, you scoundrel! Give it back to me, you fraud!

Someone's knocking. Gimme the key!

I won't! I want the phial!

You scoundrels!

Stop it, madwoman!

Bowlegs is coming! - I don't care, let him come.

I want to die! - Come, I'll give you the phial.

I don't need no phial! I wanna die!

I wanna kill you all! You, myself, and Didina...

I could kill my mother, too! - I used to be a volunteer!

Who's that idiot that was here? I'm calling the police!

I'll kill you all! - Who's that idiot?

Tell me his name. - I don't know it.

I'm not leaving here 'til I know it. I'm calling the police!

What is it? - It hurts, really bad!

Want to try the Matthew stunt all over again?

Mitsa, dearest, calm down...

What's the matter? - A lunatic, a cad who...

Easy, easy... - Sir, an idiot...

Right... - a scoundrel...

slapped me because he thought I was Bibi.

Pampon? Go to the other room 'cause that madwoman is sick.

And you? What do you want? - Get me rid of the tooth!

Sit down - I don't have time to sit.

Tell me his name. - How can I know all their names?

Take it off. - I'm calling the police then!

Take off your scarf or I'll beat the shit out of you!

Is it the one at the back? It's off.

I go to the bath... I take out my clothes,

I start to soap myself as usual... When suddenly, behind me,

like a coward, a cad who's been here just now!

Comes to me, insults me, slaps me...

Sir, do you know me, sir? Me?

I won't pull it out. I'll only look at it. Relax!

She's raving mad, she's killing the roosters with the axe!

The murderer! The murderer!

Relax and don't move!

The police!

Don't hit the roosters!

He's pulled out the wrong tooth, an innocent one!

Don't hit the roosters!

To hell with this water, it never ends!

"My dearest angel..."

"Something terrible happened concerning our problem..."

"Your gentleman friend and a certain lady..."

"Come to the ball as agreed upon."

"Send your Pampon to play cards..."

"You must come!" "Your forever adoring, Nae."

Welcome everybody... Make room please...

Welcome. Long live Mr. Mitica.

Look at it 'cause you won't see it anymore.

How are you, Mr. Goldenberg? - It's gone...

She's Mitica's girl-friend...

She's Cleopatra from the sewing-machines.

It's her! - Now I see. of course.

And he's Mishou the Coward, who hided in the toilet...

Look out, the buggers!

Who brought you here? You stink like garlic and onions.

All our respect to the midwife...

Here's the stork. Little flowers in the fields, let us bear many kids.

The stork is here. And the he-stork.

The gas meter's broken. - To hell with you all.

Who said "gas meter"? - Who said "gas meter"?

Aren't you ashamed? We're old decent people.

"Gas meter", I heard it.

A chap told me: "You want to get well?"

"Drink, eat, party and energize yourself."

So I'm taking energizing myself. With Jamaica rum.

Where's lancou to see me? - Which lancou?

My brother. If he knew how I was energizing myself...

Look, it's simple! The pain comes from the tooth

the tooth is due to getting cold, which is due to the cold.

If it's hot, it's not cold... if it's not cold,

then drink some rum and call the waiter...

Five rums, one franc, fifth. - Six.

Six with the one you're bringing me.

Marvelous, this energizing... I'll tease them all.

Want me to tease her? May I tease you?

Want me to tease her? I'm not allowed?! I'm not?!

Good evening, mask! How are you? - Fine, thanks, I'm having a beer.

You? - I'm energizing myself with rum.

Delighted. - Same here!

A beer - here you are!

Mask! - Poor country...

It's going to end up badly 'cause there's no more patriotism.

Hi, the Pole has lost the thing of her cap...

Stop this Israeli nonsense! Play one of our tunes!

It ain't good to be silent like a bunch of cowards

who have nothing sacred. That's why they laugh at the nation.

Excuse me, please continue.

He has to be here...

I'll whisper to every man I see: "I'm Bibi, Mr. lancou sir,

aren't you gonna hit me?" Just let him dare touch me!

That's him... He's grown a beard.

We waste our time like a bunch of ninnies in pubs

and we allow all those scoundrels to take their flings...

Who's the swine that took my boots?

It's not him... - Country of thieves and scoundrels...

May you choke with those boots. - The knave! I must find him...

I won't let you go unless we dance together.

Let me go, I'm a married woman... I'm waiting for someone.

Aren't I someone? - Someone to take me home.

Can't I take you home?

Wait a sec, I'll be right back. - No kidding?

You have to come back... You've lost something.

Me?! Bullshit!

Didn't you come here wearing a pompom?

Are you gonna leave without the pompom?!

Pampon?! - Wait, mask!

I am Bibi, Mr. lancou! Here, hit me! Hit me!

You can be all the Bibi you want, but I ain't this lancou...

lancou's my brother in Ploiesti. - Nonsense! He's at Bucharest.

My brother lancou?! - Yeah, here! I'm waiting for him.

He isn't here yet. I'd recognize him...

He's got only two costumes, a Cossack and a Turk.

He isn't here yet...

He's not at the shop...

He's not at the ball...

He must have gone to fetch that woman.

They'll come together... Let them come, then!

My God! I swear on what I hold dearest,

on the Statue of Liberty in Ploiesti,

that it'll be a real rumpus. I'm gonna them!

I'll get going. - No...

I can't stay... I got work to do in the morning at the office...

Where are you going? My guess is to a woman...

Don't forget to write...

Let them come now! - I was at home, sick!

Nae... - Mrs. Mitsa... It's me, lordache.

Mr. Mitica, the lady... - Wait! Where's Nae?

He's not here... - You're lying! He's here with her!

Okay, he's here! So is Bowlegs... - The douche bag's in Ploiesti.

Nope, he's here...

Bowlegs knows my costume... I gotta change, and quick!

I am Bibi, Mr. lancou... Here, have a go!

I'm not Mr. lancou. I'm Mr. lordache.

Look for Mr. lancou in the ballroom.

He'll surely find some Mr. lancou... - Do you know where the coward is?

In the park! - No way... Mr. Nae!

Guess who's here... - Who?

Mitsa! And Bowlegs, too... Mitsa's looking for you.

How can I get rid of this Republican?

If only I could find Didina so I could leave...

Damn rats!

I am Bibi, Mr. lancou, won't have you a go? Hit me!

Fancy that! I wanted to change my costume, too.

If he catches me here, he'll kill me!

I seem to know you! Have we met at some reunion?

Could be, it's a small world.

The moron goes fishing round 3 o'clock in the morning...

Mishou's going to wait for his wife whistling...

So that she can recognize him... It's her request.

I see, the wife's... - Which wife?

The one with the letter. - What's she got to do with the letter?!

Then, Cleopatra...? - Cleopatra wrote the letter!

Just to have some fun... It's carnival, isn't it?

You callin' this a program?!

Sorry... Did you rent the costumes, or are they your own?

Our own. - Mine's my own too.

Listen... My brother's here and I don't want him to recognize me.

I'm in the same situation, but as long as one knows you,

what can you do?!

We have to leave. - I have an...

I don't want to go! I want to tease... I got an idea.

What idea? - Both our costumes are our own.

Let's change costumes, then we'll see if Bibi can find me.

This imbecile's right!

Occupied, you swine. - That's the ladies'.

My God! - What's the matter?

Cleopatra'll play the moron's wife and I'll play the husband.

I pop out and rebuke Mishou for dating my "wife".

Then we tell him it's an April joke. - But it is not April yet!

So what?! Otherwise he'd see it coming.

I don't like it... - Don't be silly, we'll have fun...

Kisses, Edison!

Vive la France! Vive la France!

I'm a Republican, too...

What do they toll the bells for? - For they have a rope...

A drink! - I am Bibi, Mr. lancou...

Bibi?!

Don't hit me! I'm calling the police...

Are you?! So... you were looking for me...

Indeed. - I was looking for you, too!

Wait! Don't! - You despicable... You ruined her!

It ain't true! - I got proofs.

You left a barber shop ticket in Didina's room...

I have no ticket. I pay separately each time.

And a love letter from your lover...

My lover?! This is a misunderstanding.

What misunderstanding?! Mitsa, your lover,

told you she's waiting for you 'cause the douche bag

was leaving for Ploiesti on Wednesday.

Wednesday? Ploiesti?! The douche bag?!

And you snubbed her...

Isn't this the toilet?! - Toilet my foot!

Bloody fools...

You abandoned her and went after my Didina...

Occupied! - It's no hurry, we can wait...

I'll smash you to a jelly. - Show me the letter...

Here...

I went to Ploiesti on Wednesday. Can it be possible?

Mitsa... Show it to me... - Ugly mutts!

Go to hell!

Ah, you wanna trick me... Bibi... Hey!

May God have mercy...

Water, water...

The douche bag... it's me...

The douche bag? - Yeah... Deceived for the 8th time.

For the 8th time? - I won't tell you about the others.

Just about one, during the war. - With a Russian?!

I shouldn't have minded if it had been a Russian.

The Russians were fighting

for the sacred cause of freeing the Christian people.

Occupied! Occupied, you idiot!

But with a German, my friend!

What the hell is Bowlegs doing here?

He says he's going to Ploiesti then he turns up at the ball.

What the hell was she saying about Bibi?

And Nae... Where's Nae? And that goof-for-nothing Pampon?

I said to myself in despair: "As I've lost

what was dearest to you, at least I can become a martyr

of Rumanian independence." And I enrolled.

As a volunteer? - In the National Guards.

So you're not Bibi? - No, sir... I am the douche bag.

But there is a Bibi... - Of course!

Haven't you seen the ticket?! - Stop crying. You're a volunteer!

I can't help it. - We must find him.

I'm tender-hearted. - Stop crying! A volunteer...

We'll settle the score with that Bibi. Two women!

How can we settle the score? - Leave it on me...

I know all about detective work. Stop crying, you're a volunteer.

You scoundrel... You don't know me anymore, Nae?!

You don't wanna talk to me? You run away when you see me?!

Not a word, leave it to me. Wait 'til I put my hand on him!

Get up. Don't cry... Put your mask on and follow me.

Don't cry, I said. Stop crying! You'll see howl catch him.

I'm lordache... - lordache?!

So you've changed clothes in order to trick me?!

Does Mr. Nae imagine he can give me the slip so easily?!

Where's Nae? - Don't know...

He must have left long ago and he's got the key...

I'm locked up on the outside. - Look!

There's Didina and Bibi. Catch them!

Where d'you think you're going, Bibi?

I'm not Bibi, I'm lordache! - Wait a sec...

It ain't Bibi. Bibi's dressed as a Turk.

As a Turk? - Right!

It ain't him. - Yes, it is.

It's not him, I'm tellin' you!

Bibi is that Turk who mocked us some moments ago.

Who's the lady? - Just a lady...

Let's find the Turk, then...

Are you still here?! Leave as fast as you can!

Bowlegs, Pampon and Mitsa are rallying for a scandal.

There's no other way out but through the ballroom!

Brothers! The Bulgarians got in a fight with the policemen

and beat the shit out of them!

They broke my skull... but I got a strong skull.

They said the Bulgarians had a bomb. Here it is!

Take it away! - It's just cabbage"...

Nothing but cabbage.

Stuffed cabbage! Are you leaving? You can't!

Not with my costume on! Give it back to me.

Go to hell...

Give it back to him. - I can't, Mitsa knows it...

Then let's stay a little longer... - Let's dance quadrille.

Not in the ballroom! - Here, then...

We'll dance a bit 'til the idiot forgets about the costume

and then we slip out.

They said the Bulgarians wanted to blow up the exhibition.

Damned buggers!

Where's brother lancou to see me?

Off with your mask! Your hour has come, Bibi!

Pardon me, brother lancou!

I'm a criminal... A criminal!

I am a criminal... A criminal!

The tramps! We caught them! - Where do you think you're going?

Let's go after them!

Where are you going, you idiots?

Where are you going, you idiots?

It's Nae! Is it or isn't him? Did I hit him or not?

Look! They're in the house. - Stop!

They're here, come! - Why are you running away?

There's a light! They're here!

They put the lamp out... That's it, we got them.

Open up or we'll smash the door in! Everybody! 1... 2... 3...

Are you sure it's here? - Of course!

Kill him! That's it! Smash him!

He's running away...

Once an idiot, always an idiot!

Let the chickens free!

I know his smell!

Fly, birdies, fly... Free birds of the sky...

Take them, take them! May you be buried with them...

He's allowed to mock me only because I'm miserable?!

Because he's a cop?

Take me home... Leave me alone!

If you wanna know... he was my lover.

Damn you! - My lover...

Sergeant! Come on quick to our shop.

A bunch of tramps broke in and tried to kill me.

They came in through the back door!

Let's go already!

Go to the door!

On my order... Attack!

They killed out leeches! - What leeches?!

What are you doing here?!

We came in through the door.

They broke everything... - But we came in through the door.

But they broke it in! - It was locked...

I was in the other room and when I heard someone

breaking the door in, afraid they'd murder me,

I jumped out the window and ran to the police station.

It ain't so! We saw... - What did you see?

He broke my skull! - Bowlegs stole the painting!

What did I steal?! - Stop pushing!

There's a Constitution! - I'll show you Constitution!

My name is Mache. - The hell with your name.

You're all arrested!

lordache, I have a favor to ask... - What?

I have some objects for the lottery.

Again? - A musical box.

With two tunes. - Wasn't it in the last lottery?

Yeah... - I had a ticket, too.

It was me who won it... I had a ticket, too!

I want to try my luck again... Don't say no...

Bloody tramps!

Thanks, old man.

Don't let them people go

before me and Nae check whether they stole anything...

You bloody tramps...

Are they gone?! - They are...

S'pose they'd taken me to the police station!

Imagine brother lancou'd hear... - Bloody leeches... Which lancou?

My brother from Ploiesti. Imagine he'd learned

I was taken to the police... He'd have ruined me...

He'd have had me fired... - Forget about it...

Does is still hurt? - The tooth? No.

The vitriol. - The vitriol?

The vitriol she threw in your face. - Who?!

The lady! You got stains all over your face.

That's purple ink. I recognized the smell.

Got some in my mouth, I know the taste.

At the office, when a drop falls, I lick it off.

Damn rats... - Imagine brother lancou'd hear...

Which lancou? - The haberdasher...

You're crazy... You're covered with stains...

Your skull is broken... - My skull?! I got a strong skull.

So does brother lancou. - Which lancou?

What were you doing with those buggers and burglars?

Why break into honest people's shops at night?

We came looking for Bibi... - Bibi who?

On the place of the desert field where slums kids used to play,

a modern district was erected... truly European-looking...

that it is sure to stir the admiration

of all foreign visitors. What can we see?

We can see splendid buildings like: the Palace of Arts,

the Old Royal Court, the Roman Arenas,

and other edifices that will astonish us in the future.

Trumpet!

The Roman Empire... - I'm going to kill him!

Europe has set her eyes on us and she doesn't blink. At all!

And it will not blink unless she understands what's going on.

Bloody life, I'm frozen to the bones.

Let me light up the lamp.

Did I frighten you? Sorry...

Let me introduce myself: Mitsa Baston.

Thank you! Didina Mazu. - So it was you, madam...

"Allons enfants de la patrie", huh? Damn you!

What are you doing here? - What are YOU doing here?

I am at my lover's house. - So am I.

Your lover? He was... he is... He is my lover!

You've stolen him from me! - Have I, you old crock?

Listen... One of us two must die! - We'll see which.

You mother f... I'm going to kill you!

Why are you hittin' me? Damn you!

I'll cut your ear off!

Don't break the mirrors! They're on hire!

Now I'm gonna calm you down. Here!

Why, Nae? Why me? - Bloody tarts!

Where are you going? Stay the hell here!

The mirrors are on hire! Come to your senses, women!

Pompon is coming! Bowlegs is coming!

Pampon and Bowlegs! I got them out of the police station.

Now Pompon, Bowlegs and the police officer

are coming here to thank me. Here they are! Here they are!

They went to buy wine and sausages. So enough with this nonsense.

You want Pampon to leave you? - No!

You wanna leave Bowlegs? - I would, for you...

But I have a career to make... - Make it then...

At the telegraph office they wouldn't have me...

Why? - I wasn't old enough...

See?! Bowlegs never asks about your age...

Behave then, or I'll be cross with both of you.

The douche bag knows everything! - He doesn't!

Pampon told him! - No, he didn't!

Oh, yes they know.

If only you'd listen to me, you damned magpies...

I'm gonna tell you how I calmed them down,

so that you know what to say. Come!

They're coming! - Who?

Pampon and Bowlegs...

It's high time we finished with all this comedy.

Off with your clothes!

Sure, break everything! Make yourselves at home!

Look what she's doing! - Leave her alone!

There's no time for makeup! - Stop it!

Mr. Nae! - Here they are...

Mr. lordache... - See we're not burglars?

It was your master himself who got us out.

Mr. Bowlegs... - My name ain't Bowlegs!

My name is Mache Razachesco! - Mache Shitesco, right...

It was very wrong of you to do what you did.

We'd come to find Bibi, not for what you thought.

I'd like to see you waking up in your shop...

I got no shop. lam a property owner.

Supposing you had one and you found three strangers...

...three idiots, three imbeciles...

I won't regret anything if I win that musical box.

You bought a ticket, too? - There were only two left.

I took one, he took the other... - So it's sold out?

Yep! - Goodbye, my money!

Where's Mr. Nae? - Right here...

Isn't he back?

He has to be around here, somewhere.

Take them out... - Hi there!

Not because you're a barber, but you're a fine chap.

If I tell you you're a fine chap, you are! But the douche bag...

Come on, girls!

So the douche bag wasn't me? - What an idea!

It was the young lady's uncle, her guardian...

Come on already!

But where's Mr. lordache? - Here! For better or worse...

So Bibi was you? - Who else?!

What a chap!

If we had met this morning, you'd have told me

you'd wrapped the pots you sold Didina in the tickets...

But like a fool that I am, I never thought of asking Didina!

And me thinking it was Mitsa's ticket!

The lottery number has just been drawn!

I know who the winner is... - Me again, imagine!

Goodbye, my money! - What a shame!

I'm not lucky, that's it.

He ain't lucky! - Damn the luck!

I think a carriage's just stopped here...

Hey! What's going on?!

Am I talkin' crap, or somethin'?

I'm telling you, a carriage's stopped here.

There's two ladies! - Two ladies?

What would two ladies want from me?

Two ladies?! - So that's where you were!

There's been a misunderstanding... - What misunderstanding?!

Prepare everything. - Pickles too?

Everything!

I was at the police station. - At the police station?

Wait, we didn't... - I went to Ploiesti...

He says Ploiesti, but he's been to the ball...

Looking for ladies... - Have you fallen asleep? Wake up!

Damned whores, they're bloody smart!

They pretend they came to take them home!

But we're in cahoots! They'll put on such a show...

And then we'll party!

I'll tell you at home! - They killed the druggist!

Who's this?! - An idiot.

A mad woman threw vitriol in his face!

Tomorrow night at five.

What did you whisper to her? - Are you crazy?!

Tomorrow night at eight. - Okay...

One at eight and one at five. Mind you! Don't mix 'em up.

Not a sign of anything! - Nothing at all!

There's one at the back! - That one doesn't count.

I got a habit. I push my pen through my hair to wipe it.

It doesn't matter anymore! Let's go home.

She's right. - What do you mean, "home"?

There's been a misunderstanding. - Yeah!

Now! - Of course it was!

As it happens during carnival. Carnival scenes...

Allow me to tell you everything during supper.

Supper? - Yes, supper.

We'd planned to have something to eat here.

It's cosy... The table is laid. I trust you won't refuse me?

Let's go eat then!

Do you like it? - The pickles! The wine!

May our worst moments be like this!

Ladies and gentlemen! Attention please!

Hey! Attention! What the...

Ladies and gentlemen!

Esteemed guests! - Esteemed guests!

Here it goes!

Come on, Mr. Razachescu! Come on, it's for free!

Bravo!

Damned artists... - Bravo!

Long live Mr. Mae's rooster!

But they seem to be mad... - I keep their grains in rum!

Rum!

I regret only one thing: the birds I let loose.

They're not some aristocratic birds,

they're Romanian, they'll come back to their cages.

You'll have to pay for that window. It's 300.

That's nothing! I broke the window at Otetelesanu with my head.

And did you pay for it?

Kid, when I was a volunteer you were still playing...

Just look, everybody!

Look who's killing the Turks!

Watch the enemy dying!

It plays dead. What an artist!

Wonderful! - Sit down.

Watch it, watch the sugar!

You go to hell.

Today I have a country and pride.

I got back my past rights.

All I have, to you I owe.

Freedom's here, why, hello!

My voice is pure and clean.

My rights are all respected.

My home's not desecrated.

By foreigners who are mean.

Everybody! Light and life...

Even the tombs are moving...

Today's the crucial day...

A nation was born...

Freedom's here, why, hello!

The kid's stuck a leech on the lady.

' Who'! ' Ne'.!

You idiot! - It was a joke.

You call that a joke? - Esteemed guests!

I'll recite a poem. - He's stuck a leech...

Suppose she died! What do you want?

"The thread of life is short" "it all ends in Death's port."

"I feel in my eyes" "A warm tear that tickles?'

"Shall we live to eat again ram testicles?"

"More tender than the body of young maidens."

"Carrots and parrots, do you like tarots?"

"Articles, articles, we like testicles!"

"Poor are all barbers I know."

"Shaving skulls makes starve so."

Dear guests... If it comes to skulls,

it is not my skull that's shaven...

I'm an honest man.

You mentioned the skull. - No, he did.

Did he? - He did!

I give you wine and sausage, and you... You call that a joke?

You call that a joke? - He stuck a leech on her!

Shit. - Shut up!

Love of my soul

You're shining so lively

Quiet... - Only you and me alone...

Bravo! - Oh, sweet and ever tender...

And secret light so pure. - Forever and ever.

Among all little stars My longing shall seek you.

Bravo, Mr. Nae!

It's gonna look gorgeous! There will even be water!

Water my foot! What do you mean "water"?

I mean it will row upstream and then downstream...

Bloody tramps... Our boys!

Huh? - That's Mitica's mother!

No. 32- The Swans' Pavilion.

No. 12- The Roaring Waterfalls.

Mitica's dead!

Shut up. Mitica's dead!

Mitica's dead!

I heard the tune stop...

Then the would-be husband came.

And then kisses and whispers...

I couldn't understand anything because of the water swish...

Once an idiot...!

It had been only a few minutes when I heard Mitica

with changed voice: "My wife?"

I heard a scream, a crack... "something falling down...

All in one second... And Cleopatra yelling:

"Help, he killed him! Mitica!"

I jumped over the stones,

I skinned my knees, I got there, Mitica was lying on his back...

Rattling...

Cleopatra was trying to raise his head.

Mishou wouldn't move...

This is what had happened... Cleopatra was hugging Mishou,

Mitica shouted from behind Mishou, Mishou left Cleopatra,

turned around, and when he saw Mitica step towards him,

he raised his walking stick and hit Mitica in the forehead

with full force.

I ran around, no sergeant in sight.

I ran to the avenue, I got a cab, I found a sergeant.

He didn't want to come at first, he thought it was a Fools' Day joke.

As if we were in the mood for jokes.

We raised Mitica gently.

He rattled once more...

the day was breaking, and it kept raining and raining...

Cleopatra's cloak was soaked with blood...

And then, suddenly, he let his chin in his chest...

His neck cracked...

When he bent his head, I could see his brains mixed with hair...

and foaming blood...

Mishou killed him...

Fear made him do it...

Poor devil, look at him... They stole his shoes...

God rest Mitica's soul!

Let us go to "The Pot-Belly's".

Mitica loved that place the best.

What have you done?

Are you're going to "the Pot-Belly's"?

I told Mitica I don't like these jokes.

Not that I could have foreseen... I simply don't like them...

I knew Mishou was a coward...

I was afraid he'd do as he did before,

when we fought those bastards in the park.

They attacked us and Mishou ran away and hid somewhere.

What do they toll the bells for? - For they got a rope.

Mr. lancou... Did you say "rope"?

No...

Did you, lordache old chap? - No, sir, I thought you did.

I'm the one who asked. How could I...

Not me! - Me neither!

Maybe the kid did.

Smile, Puff! Open your eyes. Don't answer to them.

Close your eyes now. Let them die stupid.

Don't look at the camera!

Run with the smoke

Like that...

Faster with that carriage!

Get off one by one and go into the bus...

Pintilie is in the left... Stop! Slowly...

This film is dedicated to the memory of Emil Botta and Toma Caragiu