Original subtitles

- [ Groans ] - What's the matter, Digby?

It's Hartley again, that fellow from Los Angeles.

- Wants to register another invention. - What is it this time?

This time, it's an explosive.

Says it'll make a 2,000-pound blockbuster sound like a popgun.

Well, that's more sensible than most of his ideas.

Yes. Take a look at these.

All Hartley inventions, and we practically have...

a whole room in the storehouse devoted to his models.

This is the first one-- a mask to be used while eating grapefruit.

And get this one. This is a dilly.

A motorized toothbrush guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Oh,you're taking him too serious.

I'm going to take his bomb idea up with the chief of the ordnance department.

[ Horn Honking ]

What have you got that fan on for? Turn it off!

- Oh, I'm feeling fine. - The fan-- turn it off! The pap--

Now you've ruined a whole morning's work.

I'm sorry, son. What's eatin' ya?

Well, if you want to know the truth, Father, I'm very much annoyed...

because I haven't heard from the government.

Maybe Washington's gettin' a little tired of hearing from Hartley.

- There's a war on. - But that's just the point.!

My invention would shorten the war by months, maybe years.

The government should welcome it with open arms. I'm 4-F...

and this is the only way I can contribute to the war effort...

and do something for my country.

My boy, I honor you for it. Well do I remember the charge up San Juan Hill.

Into the valley of death go the 600! [ Imitating Gunfire ]

Ooh! My sacroiliac!

Oh! You should be more careful.

- And your history is bad. - [ Phone Ringing ]

That's my private phone. I wonder who that can be.

- Hello? - [ Woman ] Western Union calling.

Western Union?

We have a message for Mr. Alva P. Hartley.

- Is he there? - Yes.

The message is from Washington, and is signed Patterson, director of Patent Office.

Yes, yes, go on.

Very much interested in your invention.

War Department says it has great possibilities.

Guard it with your life. Forward all details and formula...

and samples as soon as tests are completed.

Well, thank you. Thank you very much.

My explosive--They've even taken the matter up with the War Department.

Probably Chief of Ordnance.

Spies. Enemy spies.

Yes. And they said I was to protect this invention with my very life.

Detectives. That's the ticket.

I must have someone here to guard this every minute until I can get it off to Washington.

Let me see. Detective agency.

[ Mumbling ]

[ Phone Dialing ]

[ Phone Ringing ]

- Come in. - It's the telephone.

- [ Ringing Continues ] - Never mind. I'll answer it.

Hello. Jones Detective Agency.

What? I'm sorry, sir, but I can't understand a word you're--

- Will you stop that noise! - I never said a word.

Well, cut that machine off! Uh, not you, sir. No, sir.

I have something of great importance in my possession...

which must be guarded night and day.

- I want two of your best men. - I'm sorry, sir. That will be impossible.

You see, our manager's in Sacramento with a habeas corpus...

and all of our best detectives who are not in the armed forces...

are busy guarding government property.

But this is a government matter.

In fact, it has been suggested by Washington that I take these precautions.

It will only be for a few days. Money is no object.

And the men will be treated like members of the family.

Pleasant surroundings, best of food.

Well, sir, you're in luck. I'm happy to inform you...

that two of our best detectives have just entered the office.

And I'll send them right over. Where to?

3 2 Elm Road.

3 2 Elm Road.

I'll send them over immediately. Good-bye.

What two detectives entered the office?

You and me.

Stanley, this is our opportunity.

We took this job as janitors to become detectives, didn't we?

We've been going to night school studying for eight months to be detectives, haven't we?

You want to be a detective, don't you?

- Sure, but I don't think I'll make it. - Why not?

Well, you see, I don't know what that word ''habeas corpus'' means.

Habeas cor--Why, habeas corpus is the name of a town in Texas.

- In Texas? - Mm-hmm.

What's the boss doin' up in Sacramento when habeas corpus is in Texas?

Oh, now, don't bother about that.

You run over to the room and pack some of our things.

We're gonna be on this job a long time.

That ought to settle things. That's the biggest agency in town.

Oh, Aunt Sophie, two of the smartest detectives in town...

are coming to guard my new invention.

They'll stay here, so make all the necessary arrangements.

- Are they young and good-looking? - How the dickens should I know?

Men. That's all you ever think about.

A person would think a woman who had had five husbands would take a little rest.

And they were good husbands too.

Yes, and they're all dead.

[ Honks ]

- What did he say the address was? - 3 2 Elm Road.

Are you sure we're on the right street?

All you've gotta do is read the street sign.

Oh.

- What does it say? - I can't read it. I haven't got my glasses.

- Here, hold this. I'll climb up and-- - Never mind. I'll climb up.

You couldn't read it if you'd got up there, glasses or no glasses.

Give me a lift.

Hey, Ollie? You don't have to bother now.

This is the right street all right. It says so on the curb.

- What happened? - We won't go into that.

Oh, if you don't want to tell me, we'll just skip it.

I don't-- Oh, look. There's 3 2.

We were right here. Isn't that silly?

You don't just walk into places like this.

- Oh. - They can't hear you knocking.

Here. You talk into this.

- Hello? - Oh! You've got to blow into it first.

Beware! Disaster befalls all...

who enter these dread portals.!

- What'd you say? - I didn't say anything.

I'm positive I heard you say something.

- Maybe I was talkin' to myself. - Well, shut up.

And come on.

Come on.

- I'll ring. - Why can't I ring?

All right, go ahead and ring.

You never think I can do anything.

- Doesn't ring. - Well, knock.

[ Knocking ]

- Come in. - When you knock, you don't say, ''Come in.''

The man inside says, ''Come in.''

- But I didn't knock. - What do you mean, you didn't knock?

- I distinctly heard you knock. - I--

- Oh, get out of the way. I'll do it. - [ Knocking ]

- See? - Don't point. It's rude.

[ Ringing ]

How do you do, sir? I'm Mr. Hardy from theJones Detective Agency.

And this is my colleague, Mr. Laurel.

Hey.

Oh, yes, yes. Certainly. Come on in.

Thank you. Come, Stanley.

[ Yells ] Oh!

- I'm sorry. - Thank you.

- What happened? - I tripped over the valise coming through the door.

- What for? - Well, I couldn't get my foot-- Oh, never mind ''what for.''

- Well, here we are. - At your service.

I was just hanging a picture. I'll explain your duties to you later, gentlemen.

- Excuse me. - Yes, sir.

Come in.

- My, what a beautiful picture. - Yes, that cost a lot of money.

- It's a Van Dyke. - A what?

Van Dyke. You know what a Van Dyke is.

Oh, yeah. My uncle had one.

- But he had to have it shaved off. You see-- - Shh!

- What? - Van Dyke was a painter, not a beard.

By the way, what happened to you?

Oh, uh, I had a slight accident with some paint on our way over.

- I can't get it off. - That's nothing.

I'll have that off for you in a jiffy.

- Stand over there, please. - Yes, sir.

The Hartley Little Gem Paint Remover...

one of my many inventions.

I was just getting it ready to send to Washington. Let's see.

- This knob. That's it. Now, don't be frightened. - [ Machine Whirring ]

Ah. There. You'd hardly know there'd been a spot on it.

Gee, that's swell. That's a wonderful machine.

- Yes. It works both ways. - Is that so?

You know, necessity is--

My Van Dyke.!

- Turn it off! - [ Machine Shuts Off]

My Van Dyke! Do you realize you've ruined my beautiful picture?

The Height of Spring. Oh, what am I gonna do?

You could change the name on it.

You could call it The Depth of Winter.

That would be a good--

Uh, Mr. Hartley, just what are our duties?

- Come with me. - Yes, sir. Bring the bag.

This is my prize possession.

Gentlemen, you are looking at what I consider...

the most powerful explosive in the world today.

- I call it the Big Noise. - Why?

Because properly detonated, it would blow up this entire city.

What do you want us to do with it?

I don't want you to do anything with it except to guard it with your lives.

The utmost secrecy must be observed.

If the wrong people learned what I have in mind...

and it was discovered, it might alter the whole course of the war.

Don't worry, Mr. Hartley. We'll guard it even with his life.

- We certainly will. - Good.

Now that you gentlemen know your duties, I'll show you to your quarters.

- Thank you. - Oh.

- Oh.! - What's the matter? Don't you feel well?

Just another one of my dizzy spells.

Excuse me.

That did it. I feel much better now.

This is another one of my inventions.

- You know what? - What?

I got a clue.

I think Mr. Hartley is just a little bit cracked.

- Well, I ought to know. - All inventors are like that.

They're eccentric. They're not like you and me.

- They're different. - How do you mean?

They are just a little bit twisted.

- Twisted, huh? - Mm-hmm.

This way, gentlemen.

Now, this is where you'll sleep.

- On the floor? - [ Chuckles ]

I forgot to explain. This is another one of my inventions.

This is the house of tomorrow. Five rooms in one with every modern convenience.

Your beds.

Step back, gentlemen.

Your wash basin.

Your shower.

And last but not least...

your table.

There you are, gentlemen. All the comforts of home in a minimum of space.

Very ingenious.

This is your entrance, and here's your key.

Be sure and keep it locked at all times.

- Oh, oh, Mr. Hartley? - Yes?

In case you should need us at any time, you just blow this whistle.

And we'll be at your service.

[ Hartley ] Thank you. Well, make yourselves at home, boys.

If you care to wash and brush up, dinner won't be ready for 20 minutes.

Say, there's no soap.

Oh, yes, there is.

The soap is in the water.

[ Door Closes ]

- Where have you been? - I got tired of sittin' around doin' nothin'.

- So I went over and took a peek. - Went over there?

Wait until I tell you what I saw. The old lady's jewels are peanuts.

That guy's got an invention-- an explosive that's worth a million bucks.

What do we want with an explosive?

If we got a hold of a sample, we could sell it to some foreign government for plenty.

Hey, wait a minute. Haven't you guys got any patriotism?

- That's right, honey. - So what?

All I'm interested in is the necklace the old dame bought in New York two years ago.

And the sparklers. That's another 50 grand.

And all we gotta do is figure some way to get into the joint.

We've been sittin' around here for over a week spendin' a lot of dough on this dump.

- How far are we along now? - Nowhere.

I'm gettin' pretty tired of this butler's racket.

We've got to make Hartley's acquaintance in some legitimate fashion.

- That's the only way we'll get into the place. - [ Doorbell Ringing ]

- Who's that? - How should I know?

- Go into your butler act. Answer the door. - Oh!

- Oh, uh, yes? - Telegram for Miss Charlton.

- Sign here, please. - Yes.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

- It's for you, Mayme. - For me?

Yeah, your creditors are catching up with you.

- Holy mackerel. - What's the matter?

It's from my niece. She's coming for a visit and wants to stay with us.

I've got to head her off. I can't let her walk into a layout like this.

- The kid's on the level. - Hey, wait a minute.

- She's a pretty girl, isn't she? - She's the beauty of the family.

This is our card of introduction.

Hartley's a cinch to fall for a pretty girl like that. Let her come.

Oh, no. I'm not gonna get her mixed up in a racket like this.

There's no reason why the girl should ever get wise.

Go ahead. Wire her to come.

- Well, go ahead. Shake it up. - Oh, all right.

And when the kid does get here, I want you two to mind your language.

I don't think it's such a good idea.

What do you got to think with?

- And Mrs. Sophie Manner, sister of my deceased wife. - How do you do?

Well, now that we all know one another, shall we have something to eat?

That's a very good idea. I'm famished.

- I'm hungry too. - Good.

We'll start with the turkey.

This is one of my own little inventions.

Everything desiccated and dehydrated.

No standing over a hot stove for hours...

no spoilage of food, no dirty pots and pans...

no washing dishes all evening long.

A housekeeper's paradise. Will you have white meat or dark meat?

- I'd like white meat, please. - Fine.

Uh, pardon me? I said... white meat.

[ Chuckles ] How stupid of me.

Brussels sprouts.

Carrots. Mashed potatoes.

- Uh, no gravy, please. - Very well. Here we are.

And now, Mr. Laurel. What'll you have, white meat or dark meat?

- I'll go for the whole works. - Splendid!

Don't be so greedy.

Could-Could I have a second joint?

Oh, of course. Of course.

There we are. Brussels sprouts.

Carrots. Mashed potatoes.

- There we are. - What, no cranberry sauce?

Oh! How forgetful of me.

- I suppose you'll have hash tomorrow night? - That's already taken care of.

Won't you please sit down, gentlemen, and eat the turkey before it gets cold?

Thank you.

[ Hartley ] There we are. Brussels sprouts.

Carrots. Mashed potatoes.

Could I have a napkin?

Brussels sprouts.

Carrots. Mashed potatoes.

Here you are,Junior.

Gee, a neck as usual.

- You must have your vitamins. - Are you kiddin'?

I'm capsule-happy now.

Don't wipe your gravy on me.

I don't like sprouts.

The mashed potatoes are good.

- Idaho. - Mm-hmm.

Do you mind if I sit with you boys?

Why, it's our pleasure. Move over, Stanley.

Move over!

Sit right down.

- Are you on a diet? - I have to watch my girlish figure.

- [ Giggling ] - [ Loud Coughing ]

I got a bone stuck in my throat.

You should be more careful. Don't bolt your food, Grandpa.

Good thing it wasn't a drumstick.

He always does that, especially when we have fish.

Could I have another second front? Uh,joint?

Don't eat too much. Better leave room for dessert.

- Have one, Stanley. - What are they?

- Bicarbonate. - Thank you, Ollie.

[ Hiccups ]

- Excuse me. - Not at all.

- That's quite all right, Stanley. - Thank you, Ollie.

- Demitasse? - Thank you.

Could I have mine in a mug?

- I beg your pardon? - A mug.

M-U-- Ug. Mug.

- And bring me a toothpick. - [ Muttering ]

- I'm glad you enjoyed your dinner. - It was delicious.

- I'm stuffed. - I bet the hash will be good tomorrow night.

You have a surprise in store for you. Tomorrow night...

we're going to have a suckling pig with all the trimmings.

- With an apple in its mouth? - Definitely.

- Gee. - Well, boys, make yourselves at home.

I have a little work to do before we get started in the morning.

- So you'll have to excuse me. - Don't forget. If you need us, blow the whistle.

- I won't. - Good night.

- Good-bye. - Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Oh, Mr. Hardy,you look so much like Romeo.

[ Sighs ]

You know, Mr. Hardy,you remind me so much of my dear, departed husband.

- Really? - Would you like to see my album?

We'd love to.

- What? - Shh!

- Two's company. - Yeah.

Oh, Mr. Hardy, you just beam with personality.

Now, this was my first husband-- Ebenezer.

- Mmm. - One day, he spilled rum on his whiskers...

lit a cigar, and that was the end of Ebenezer.

And this was Henry. I took him for a long walk on a short pier...

and he never came up.

- Sunk? - Mm-hmm. He gave me these.

Oh, yes.

[ Honks ]

You're a detective, ain't you?

Better tell the big fella to watch out. She's got her eyes on him.

I know the signs. She's out to make him the sixth.

- The sixth what? - The sixth husband.

They all died strange deaths.

- I took them all for better or for worse. - But not for long.

Take my advice and break it up before it's too late.

- I'll break it up right now. - [ Honks ]

- Listen, you've got to break this thing-- - [ Whistle Blows ]

Pardon me. Duty first.

[ Blowing Whistle ]

Excuse me.

- At your service, sir. - But, gentlemen, I didn't whistle.

I'm sorry, sir, but I-I distinctly heard you myself.

I'm afraid you boys have eaten too much turkey.

You'd better retire to your room and relax.

I'm a very busy man.

I'm working on an airplane that requires no wings.

How does it fly?

[ Chuckles ] That's just what I'm working on.

Good night.

- He must've given me the wrong key. - Let me try.

That's got it.

That's got it.

It's stuck.

Maybe you'd better take your pants off.

See, I can't get this out.

Oh!

Come in.

Thank you!

Now that you got your pants off, maybe you ought to go to bed.

Unpack the suitcase.

- [ Shrill Tone ] - Oh!

** [ Humming ]

Now what did you wanna bring these for?

Well, I thought maybe we might want to go out for a walk on Sunday...

and thought we'd better look well-dressed.

And you know what else the old man said?

Every time she walks in her sleep, that's the tiptop.

Not ''tiptop.'' ''Tip-off.''

And furthermore, the old man doesn't know what he's talking about.

I'll take care of my own--

And anoth--

See? She's looking for you. What'll we do?

Oh!

- [ Horn Honks ] - [ Crash ]

Sophie, wake up! Help!

What on Earth is going on around this house?

Sophie-- [ Gasps ]

Where on Earth am I?

You-You might've wrecked the whole town if you had dropped this.

Oh! Oh!

Where are those detectives?

- [ Blows Whistle ] - At your service.

I thought I engaged you gentlemen to guard this explosive.

Well, that's what we're trying to do, sir.

- We haven't left the room for a minute. - Not very much protection.

Ifind a sleepwalker roaming the house with it.

- Do you think he's mad at us? - Slightly.

If anything like this happens again, you'll both be discharged.

- Understand? - Yes, sir. Good night.

- Good night.! - [ Door Closes ]

Maybe from now on, we'd better sleep with one eye open.

- I've got a better idea. - What?

We'll take turns. I'll sleep for an hour, and you sit up for an hour.

Then I'll sleep for an hour, and you sit up for an hour.

Then I'll sleep for an hour, and you sit up an hour.

- That's a good idea. - Mm-hmm.

You sure can figure things out, Ollie.

You certainly can.

- Now, don't forget to wake me up. - I won't.

- Good night. - Good-- Get up out of that bed!

I'll sleep the first hour.

Would you mind turning out the light?

[ Sighs ]

Hey, hey! Wait! Wait!

Don't push-- [ Shouting, Indistinct ]

Get me out ofhere.! [ Shouting Continues ]

[ Whimpers ]

Hurry.! Hurry.!

[ Shouting Continues ]

[ Whimpers ]

[ Yelling ]

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Get away from there and come here.

I thought I told you to turn out the lights.

Well, I tried every button, but the light wouldn't go out.

How many times have I told you?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

- There's the light button. - No!

Just a minute. I'll turn out the lights.

[ Blows Whistle ]

- At your service. - Oh.

I'm going to make a very important test of this bomb...

and I want you two to take a photograph of the result of the explosion.

- Where's the camera? - Out in the car.

- Well, let's go. - Ooh!

- [ Sighs ] - I'll handle this.

Come on.

That's deep enough.

Now cover it up, but be very cautious.

No, don't-- don't do that!

Oh! You must be more careful.

You might've blown us all to kingdom come.

We've got to go a good distance away in order to be safe.

That's going to make a terrific explosion.

Well, what about all the other people around here?

There isn't anyone within 20 miles.

Come on.

Oh, by the way, gentlemen...

if you'll just put these in your ears...

it'll lessen the concussion.

In fact, with these, you won't be able to hear a thing.

- You couldn't even hear a pin drop. - Gee, that's wonderful.

- Another of your inventions? - Oh, yes, indeed.

- Why don't you patent it? - Oh, I intend to the moment I get around to it.

- He's going to patent it as soon as-- - I heard what he said.

How could you hear what he said? I haven't even heard a pin drop.

Well, if it's all the same to you, Mr. Hartley, I'd rather hear the explosion.

Now, if you'll just center the camera on the side of that whole hill...

I wanna see just how much damage this'll do.

- Yes, sir. - Wait'll I get my field glasses.

Will you get from in front of the camera? Go sit down someplace.

All right.

Stan, do something to help me!

Get this thing off of my head!

- This is number 34. - Fine. Drive right in.

Here, I'll take it.

Well, how do you do?

-Just set them down, thank you. - Okay.

- And where's Auntie? - Aunt Squaw gone down to bank to get more money.

- And who are you? - Me Big Chief Rainface.

Delighted to meet you, Big Chief. My name is Evelyn.

- [ Grunts ] How. - Where's Uncle Big Chief?

Big Chief no catch him Uncle. Big Chief catch him father and Grandpa, not Uncle.

- How do you do? - Hello.

- Hello. - I'm Evelyn.

- I'm afraid I don't quite understand. - I'm looking for Mrs. Charlton.

- She lives next door. - But she's supposed to live at 34 Elm Road.

- But this is 3 2. - But the sign outside said 34...

and the sign next door said 3 2.

That must be Egbert's doing. Where is he? He was here a moment ago.

- You mean Big Chief? - Yeah.

- I think he went upstairs. - Oh, well, I'll talk to him later.

May I escort you to the Charltons' home, Miss Evelyn?

That's very kind of you.

[ Blows Whistle ]

- Let's go, sister. - [ Gasps ]

- No, no, boys. She's a friend. - Oh.

- Pleased to meet ya. - The bags.

Carry them next door to Mrs. Charlton's.

Come, Miss Evelyn. Thank you.

Thank you.

The bags.

Good heavens! Here comes that kid Evelyn, and she's got Hartley in tow.

Dutchy, scram. Put on your coat and answer the door.

[ Doorbell Ringing ]

Step right in.

- I haven't seen my aunt for a long time. - Oh.

- That'll be all, gentlemen. Thank you. - Thank you.

- Thank you. - [ Yells ]

- [ Crash ] - Oh.!

[ Glass Rattling ]

Sorry.

Oh, Evelyn.! Darling, I'm so glad to see you.

- How are you? - Hello. This is Mr. Hartley, your next-door neighbor.

May I present Mr. and Mrs. Charlton.

- How do you do? - Mr. Hartley, this is indeed a great pleasure.

- Thank you. - I went to Mr. Hartley's house by mistake...

and he was kind enough to bring me over here.

- How nice. - Now that you know your way, you must drop in often.

Why, I'd be delighted.

Say, why don't the three of you come over to my house tonight for dinner?

- We'd be glad to. - That would be lovely.

- Splendid. Shall we say about 7:00? - That'll be fine.

- Good. - Good-bye, and thank you so much.

Oh, that's all right-- Oh, uh--

Door-- Don't forget-- 7:00.

Now, my dear, suppose you run up and see how you like your room.

If you don't, we'll change it.

- You must be tired. - A little.

Why don't you freshen up? Your room is the first door to the right.

Fine.

Well, did I have the right idea, or did I have the right idea?

Well, I still don't like the idea of getting the kid mixed up in this layout.

Listen, I've got it framed so we'll all be in the clear.

- Well, what cooks? - Well, boys, we're in.

- We've just been invited to Hartley's for dinner. - What do you know?

- Us too? - No, you lug.Just the family.

But you and Glassman will be plenty busy.

As soon as I get into the joint...

I'll manage to loosen up one of the dining room windows.

You and Dutchy, wearing masks, step into the room and pull a fake holdup.

The old dame will be wearing all her cracked ice for the dinner party.

We can clean up everything. You can strip a couple of rings...

- off Mayme to make it look on the up-and-up. - Wait a minute.

- Never mind. You'll get 'em back. - And fruit compote...

- and ice cream for dessert. - Fine. Fine.

Our neighbors next door may not be educated...

to the refinements of modern food preparations as we are.

- Yes, sir. - That'll be all, Mugridge.

Oh, boy, real ice cream!

Look here, young fellow. I want no nonsense from you...

while the young lady from next door is here to dinner.

I won't do a thing, Pop. There's more food in the kitchen...

than there's been in the house in six months.

See that you live up to that promise.

And anyhow, who's responsible for her comin' to this house? Who let her in?

- Yes, I'm gonna take that up with you later. - [ Phone Ringing ]

Hello? Yes?

Long distance? Washington?

Mr. Hartley, I'm very pleased to inform you the War Department...

is very much interested in your explosive.

They'd like you to come to Washington as soon as possible.

Splendid! I hoped that would be your answer...

when I received your telegram yesterday.

Telegram? We sent no telegram yesterday.

We only took the matter up with the department this morning.

But I distinctly received a telegram via Western Union.

You particularly asked me to guard the invention with my very life.

Just a moment, Mr. Digby.

- [ Blow Lands ] - [ Boy ] Ow.!

- [ Blow Lands ] - Ouch!

That's all right, Mr. Digby. The whole matter has been explained.

I'll leave on the first train. Good-bye.

[ Mutters ]

[ Phone Ringing ]

Hello?

Yes.

Oh, I'm so disappointed.

If it wasn't government business, I'd wait over until tomorrow.

Do you think you'll be in Washington long?

Well, I was afraid I might be gone before you got back.

Why, Mr. Hartley.

No, no, you misunderstood me.

I'll be waiting for your return.

Good-bye and good luck.

No dinner party.

Mr. Hartley has had a call from Washington, and he's leaving at midnight.

[ Charlton ] That's too bad, now that we'vejust met him.

[ Evelyn ] Yes, I know, and I may be gone before he returns.

Maybe he'll just be gone for a few days.

- Hey, Dutchy. - Yeah?

- Hartley's leaving for Washington tonight. - How do you know?

He just phoned the kid callin' off the dinner party.

- That means he's gonna take the explosive. - What are we gonna do about it?

Washington, huh? He can't get a train out until late.

- Have you got the nerve to crack the joint with me tonight? - Sure.

- What about Charlton and Mayme? - He didn't see the point, so he's out.

We take care of them before we crack Hartley's place.

Get this bus tuned up. We may have to make a quick getaway.

** [ Playing Notes ]

- ** [ Off-key ] - [ Scoffs ]

** [ Tune Resumes ]

** [ Off-key ]

** [ Off-key ]

** [ Off-key ]

Will you stop playing that thing?

I've got to get some sleep.

Well, you heard what Mr. Hartley said.

We'd better stay awake and guard that bomb, or we'll get fired or something.

Yes, but Mr. Hartley doesn't realize that I didn't get a wink of sleep last night.

- You know what? - What?

We could hide the bomb. Then we could both get some sleep.

We could take turns. You could sleep an hour, and then I could sleep an hour.

And if I didn't wake up, I could sleep an hour, and you could sit up--

I understand perfectly.

Well, I'll get the bomb, and you figure out a place to hide it.

- And we won't tell a soul. - Not a soul.

-Just a moment. On second thought... - What?

I'll get the bomb, and you figure out a place to hide it.

Did you figure out a place to hide it?

- Where? - You told me not to tell anybody.

Oh, it's all right if you and I know.

Why didn't you say so? Here's a place they'll never find it.

Oh, that's a good idea.

- We'll kill two birds with one stone. - How do you mean?

They won't be able to find the explosive, and you can't play that thing.

- Well, good night, Ollie. - Good night.

- Where are you going? - I was going to bed to sleep for an hour.

Oh, now, let's be fair about this thing.

Let's play a hand of poker to see who sleeps first.

- You mean a gentlemen's agreement? - Absolutely.

- Fine with me. - ** [ Discordant Notes ]

Hey! Put that thing down. And be careful.

** [ Playing ]

Oh!

Now, are you ready?

Cut 'em.

All right.

One, two, three, four, five.

How many?

Maybe you'd better go to bed first.

Oh, no, we've got to be fair about this.

- All right. Give me five cards. - All right.

That was the worst hand I ever had.

One, two, three, four, five.

You're a little too high and mighty...

a little too patriotic for this job, so we're cutting you out.

And that goes for thejewels too if we got time to grab 'em.

I'm gonna get that explosive if I have to conk Hartley over the head.

He's not gonna get away tonight.

[ Knocking, Door Knob Rattling ]

The window.

[ Ringing ]

[ Banging On Door Continues ]

[ Doorbell Ringing ]

Close the door! Lock it and bolt it!

- They're coming after you. - Who's coming after me?

My aunt and uncle seem mixed up with some dreadful gang.

They've got guns, and they're after something you're taking to Washington.

- Come into the library. - You've got to get out of here.

I don't understand.

- Get 'em up, Hartley. - You too, sister.

- Phone. Where's the explosive? - Yeah.

B-But, gentlemen, w-what explosive?

- I don't know what you're talking about. - Yeah?

Maybe we can make you understand things a little better upstairs.

Yeah, let's get up there. Come on. Turn around. Get going.

But, gentlemen--

But, gentlemen, y--

- Where is it? - In there.

Get goin'.

- Good evening, Mr. Hartley. - Press a button and sit down.

Hey,you, up in the air with 'em.

Your hands.! Your hands.! Get 'em up in the air.!

Get over there. The bomb's in there.

Keep these two characters covered while I get it.

Okay, Hartley, show me where it is. Come on.

Well, where is it?

Here it is. I don't know whether you know it or not...

- but this is highly explosive. - Yeah, yeah.

- It's gone! - What do you mean, it's gone?

- It's supposed to be in that case! - Where is it now?

- I don't know. I can't understand. - Back in the other room. Come on.

Both of you. Get over in the corner there.

Keep 'em covered,Jim, while I work on these two guys.

Now, somebody's been monkeying around with that explosive.

-Just who was it? Do you know? - Certainly I know.

- I-- No, I don't. - Yes, you do. Where is it?

- He told me not to tell anybody. - I didn't tell you anything of the kind.

Oh, so you two guys won't talk, huh?

- Sure we'll talk. - All right. Start talkin'!

What do you want to talk about, Ollie?

I don't know. What do you want to talk about?

I don't care. Anything you wish to talk about is all right with me.

Anything you wanna talk about is all right with me.

- I know, but the gentleman wants-- - Shut up!

- ** [ Discordant Notes ] - [ Gasping ]

- [ Sighs ] - If you don't tell me where the bomb is...

I'll plug your friend here so full of holes, he'll look like a Swiss cheese.

- [ Whimpers ] - You'd better tell him.

- All right. It's in the-- - Huh.

- It's in the closet. - That's more like it.

- I'll show you right now. It's right in here. - No, you don't!

A wise guy, huh? Wanna grab the bomb and pull a fast one.

Blast the lock!

Open this door, or I'll shoot out the lock!

No, you don't. We've got the bomb out here, and we'll blow you to smithereens.

- Where is it? - I put it in the concertina.

Splendid work, gentlemen.

Now, I want you boys to take this bomb to Washington on the next train.

You'll have to hurry. As soon as you've packed, come downstairs.

- I'll have the car out. - At your service.

- We'll be right away. - Get the suitcase.

- Where is it? - In the closet.

- I'll go get it. - No, I forgot. I put it under the bed.

- The trunk. -Just a minute, boys.

- You may need-- -** [ Concertina Hums ]

- Be careful of that bomb! - You don't have to worry.

- That's a dummy bomb. - You mean it won't explode?

Absolutely not. I've got the real bomb, and I'm taking it to Washington myself.

[ Laughs ] That's certainly a relief to us.

- Here's some expense money. - Thank you.

- The gang will follow you. - How do you know?

That's why I talked so loudly upstairs.

Lead them a merry chase. I'll meet you at the War Department in Washington.

- Okay. - Good-bye and good luck.

- Good-bye. -** [ Concertina Hums ]

[ Engine Starts ]

It worked. Now they'll chase after the detectives.

- Good. - Come with me.

Hey, don't look now, but I just saw a car pull out of the Charlton driveway.

- They're following us, I think. - We fooled 'em just like Mr. Hartley said we would.

Are they still following us?

Yeah. Why don't you turn the next corner, and we'll ditch 'em?

- All right. [ Grunts ] -** [ Concertina Hums ]

Get that thing off of me!

I don't know what to say. I feel I'm responsible for all this.

Nonsense. I've known some gang was after my invention for months...

but I didn't expect them from next door.

- Where is the real bomb? - Here.

I'll show it to you.

I call it the Big Noise.

I only hope the boys make the train.

- Don't touch it! - [ Screams ]

Great sufferin' Christopher!

I've given them the real bomb.

I've got to get to them.

Hello, Operator? Oh, they pulled the cord.

I'll wire them at Ashton Forks. They change there. If it isn't too late.

- They could blow up the whole train! - You said it. Come on.

We lost 'em.

Well, they gotta make a change at Ashton Forks.

Can we beat the train there?

I think we can. I know a shortcut.

Here's your berth, gentlemen.

- You change in Ashton Forks. -** [ Concertina Hums ]

Shh! Shh! Quiet.

- Good night, gentlemen. - Good night.

-** [ Concertina Hums ] - Shh!

- People are asleep in here. - Oh, right.

- [ Mutters ] - No, no, no.

- Shh! - Shh!

[ Horn Blaring ]

Hey, give me a lift.

All right.

[ Muttering ]

[ Both Grunting ]

I think you ripped your pants.

[ Sighs ]

[ Yells ]

** [ Concertina Hums ]

-** [ Concertina Hums ] - Shh! People are sleeping.

** [ Concertina Hums ]

Shh!

- Quiet! - Shh!

[ Grunts ]

[ Horn Blaring ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Horn Blaring ]

** [ Humming ]

** [ Discordant Notes ]

- Shh! - Shh!

** [ Hums ]

Hey, you've got my foot in--

- [ Yells ] - Shh!

-** [ Concertina Humming ] - Shh-shh-shh!

Shh!

** [ Discordant Notes ]

Stop that music. What do think this is, a hit parade?

[ Horn Blaring ]

I-- I-- [ Whimpers ]

** [ Hums ]

** [ Hums ]

[ Both Panting ]

[ Grunts ]

Whew!

- [ Sighs ] - Say, you're on my side.

- Oh! - Come on.

[ Mutters ]

[ Sighs ]

You know what? I forgot to fill the hot water bottle.

You mind if I--

In here somewhere.

There it is. Wait till I get--

Wait till I get my hat. There we are.

- There we are now. There. - What are you wearing a hat for?

Well, you never know who you might meet.

I'll be right back. Excuse me.

- [ Grunts ] - Shh!

- [ Horn Blaring ] - [ Groaning ]

Take it easy. I'll be right back.

- [ Sighs ] - Shh!

[ Sighing ]

- [ Grunts ] - Will you lie quiet and let me get some sleep?

[ Horn Blaring ]

Won't you please have a little consideration for me?

- What did you say? - I said, ''Won't you ple''--

[ Gasps ]

I beg your pardon, but you're in the wrong berth.

You are? [ Laughs ]

Well, think nothing of it, pal.

You just stay here and make yourself at home.

Because in these days of sacrifice, one must share and share alike.

You've gotta get outta here. I've gotta have some room to sleep.

- I've got to get to sleep. - I beg your pardon!

- I have a priority. - Oh, that's different.

Move over. I didn't know that.

Move over. Let the gentleman in.

It's time to--

Excuse me a moment.

[ Muttering ]

- [ Grunting ] - There.

Oh, dear. Say, is this all one person?

- I beg your pardon. - Granted.

- Ow. - Whew!

Stuffy in here, isn't it, eh? You boys mind if I smoke?

I don't care if you burn up.

Thank you.

Uh, how far are you boys going?

- We're going to Washington. - Oh, I wouldn't go to Washington.

- Why? - It's too crowded.

Gee, it must be terrible. Huh.

The next stop is Ashton Forks. Change here for Washington.

Next stop, Ashton Forks. Change here for Washington.

- Oh. - That's where we get off. Give me my pants.

- There's a shirt here. - Where's your pants?

[ All Muttering, Grunting ]

- How did I get over here? - Move over.

I-- Move over? For goodness sake.

- What time is it? - 6:1 5.

- Have you got everything? - Yeah.

Say, we can't get off a train like this.

Don't get excited. We'll dress in the depot.

- Telegram for Mr. Hardy. - Yes, sir. Right here. Thank you.

I wonder what this can be.

- Oh! - What's the matter?

It's a telegram from Mr. Hartley. It says we've got the real bomb.

- What? -** [ Concertina Hums ]

Oh! Pick that up and be careful with it. Come on.

- Good-bye, old pal. - Bye-bye.

- Good luck on your journey. - [ Shouting Farewells ]

Good-bye. So long.

Uh, pardon me, sir.

-** [ Concertina Hums ] - Uh, pardon us, sir.

But could you tell us how long we have to wait for the train for Washington?

That's pretty hard to say, mister.

- Up till now, she's nine hours late. - Nine hours late?

Well, I'm afraid we can't wait that long.

Is there any other method of transportation?

You see, we've got to get to Washington on a very important mission.

There's an airfield down the road a piece.

''A piece''? What do you mean, ''a piece''?

- Oh, about 1 8 miles. - Eighteen miles!

Oh, I know what he means. It's 1 8 miles...

but it's only nine miles apiece.

See, ''down the road apiece.''

Oh! Thank you--

- ''Apiece''! -** [ Concertina Hums ]

** [ Concertina Hums ]

[ Car Approaching ]

[ Car Passes ]

[ Car Approaching ]

Look!

- Hmm? - The station agent was right.

We're sure in luck.

- Here. Put these glasses on. - Huh? Oh, yeah.

- Come on, Stan. Thank you, sir. -** [ Concertina Hums ]

This is awfully nice of you gentlemen.

- We certainly do appreciate it. - Yes.

Come, Stanley. All right.

[ Sighs ] That's fine.

Where's that bomb?

- What bomb? - We haven't got any bomb.

Don't give me that. We heard Hartley tell you to take that bomb to Washington.

- We've been following you all night. - We haven't slept a wink.

Neither did we. A fella got on the train with a priority, and we--

- Shh! - Search the suitcase.

Give me that suitcase.

Ah, it's not in here.

- [ Siren Wailing ] - Where is that bomb?

I'm sure glad you got here, Officer.

I'll bet you are. Where's the fire?

- We weren't speeding, Officer. - Oh, no?

Don't you believe him. He's been going 1 00 miles an hour for the past 50 miles.

Why, he was going so fast that we were scared out of our wits.

Yeah. We tried to get him to slow down, but he wouldn't do it, would he?

- No, sir. - Aren't you members of this party?

- No, sir. They picked us up down the road. - Hitchhikers, huh?

- Yes, sir. - Then get out and hike.

- Yes, sir. - Thank you very much, Officer.

- Good-bye. - Good-bye. - You out-of-state drivers...

certainly think you can go hog wild, don't you?

Never mind the lecture. Give me the ticket, and let's get on our way.

Don't get fresh, or I'll take you down the road to the sheriff's office.

Let me see your driver's license.

- You know what? - What?

- ** [ Hums ] - Look out!

We forgot to tell the officer that they were a couple of crooks.

- That's right. We'll go back and tell him. - We certainly will.

- We'll tell him everything. - Ohhh! Here he comes.

** [ Humming ]

- [ Whimpers ] - There's no place to hide around here.

- How about the plane? - Good. Come on.

** [ Humming ]

Now, men, you're going to have an unusual opportunity...

for target practice under circumstances equivalent to actual warfare.

At a deserted airfield, about two miles away...

there's an obsolete plane which has been equipped...

with radio control on a robot plane.

It will be flown directly over this battery...

and you will attempt to blow it out of the sky.

All right, Sergeant. Start the plane.

Bring it along the coastline and over the ocean.

[ Plane Engine Whirring ]

- They're not around here. - Maybe they're in that plane.

- What happened? - I don't know.

- What'll we do? - You think up your idea.

- I'm busy with my own. - [ Whimpering ]

Ohh! Here. You'd better take this up there.

- No, keep it! I don't want it. - ** [ Hums ]

- And be careful with it! - [ Whimpers ]

Stand by.

[ Shouting Commands ]

[ Ollie ] Ohh.!

- What was that? - It must be the crooks shooting at us.

- Ollie! - What?

Do something and get us down to earth.

I don't know what to do. I've never been up in an ''areaplane'' before in my life.

- Ollie! - What?

- Press a button. - All right. I'll try it.

[ Stanley Whimpers ]

What in blaze is going on?

[ Both Shouting ]

[ Whimpers ]

- Are you sure you wired the controls properly? - Yes, sir.

I wish we had a parachute.

I've got one. Look around and see if you can find one.

- Is this it? - Yes.

- What do I do now? -Jump with it.

[ Whimpers ]

- Good-bye, Ollie. - Good-bye.

No, no, no! Put it on and then jump.

[ Whimpering ]

- Bring it back, Sergeant. - Yes, sir.

And this time, men, I wanna see that plane blown to bits.

There goes the left wing.

There goes the-- [ Squealing ]

- Hey, we'd better get out of here! - [ Whimpering ]

- Don't forget the bomb. And be careful. - [ Whimpering Continues ]

Cease firing! Cease firing!

This is the plan of the enemy submarine nest in the harbor.

And the narrow seaway between them.

Hey, Stan, there's an enemy submarine down there!

Drop the bomb on it.!

- Heil Hitler! - Heil Hitler!

[ Laughs ] A direct hit!

** [ Tune ]

** [ Continues ]