Original subtitles

Smiley!

Smiley!

Coming, Mum.

Smiley, they call him

Smileys his name

Happy-go-lucky

And always so game

If he should be smiling

When you go by

Look out for that wily gleam in his eye

Rough and tumble, freckle-faced

Beneath a sunny sky

This tiny mite of dynamite

Will make you wonder why

Whenever you're angry

You have to give in

To Smiley, young Smiley

The kid with the grin

Smiley, they call him

And Smileys his name.

- They've started, Bill! - Get moving, Bill!

You won't half cop it from the missus.

Here, lend us a horse, will you, Frank?

Lor' lumme, I'll be late for the christening.

- Good on you, Bill! - Go, Bill!

And what names do you give this child?

William Thomas.

Smiley!

William Thomas.

Smiley!

William Thomas!

Smiley!

Yes.

I see what you mean.

Smiley.

I baptise thee...

"Smiley William Thomas.

In the name of the Father...

Land ho!

Land on the starboard bow!

Smiley!

- Now, you landlubbers... - Smiley! Smiley!

I'm Captain Cook in the crows nest and I'm discovering Australia.

I know something that you don't know and it's flabbergasting!

What?

It's terribly flabbergasting!

It's about the new teacher.

Belay, there below!

What is it, Joey?

It's about the sergeant and the new teacher.

I've just seen them together.

Gee! Is it romantic?

It's terribly romantic.

They're walking along the road to the teacher's new house.

Smiley!

Smiley!

Come here!

Yes, Mum.

I thought I told you to clean up the yard. Now get on with it!

Yes, Mum.

And as for you, Joey, why don't you find something better to do?

OK, Mrs. Greevins.

Gee, your mum's a terror.

She is not!

Bet you're not game

to come and have a look at the sergeant and the teacher.

I bet I am!

She'll be mad at you.

I'm not scared.

Quick, let's be deadly bushrangers

and track down the loving couple.

Look!

That was brilliant!

And all with one hand too!

Oh, nothing to it, once you get the knack.

Out in the bush, it pays to keep one hand free for your gun.

To shoot who?

Oh, bushrangers. Smugglers.

Smugglers!

Yeah, opium.

There's still quite a bit of traffic around here.

Then there's snakes.

That's what you've got to look out for around here.

And what do I do if I see one?

Oh, you just keep out of harm's way and send for me.

I see.

Yeah, I reckon, in my time,

I've killed more snakes than almost anybody around these parts.

Then I'll certainly be in safe hands.

Willy-willies - do you know what they are?

Sounds like indigestion!

0h. no. no, no.

It's what the natives call the whirlwinds.

They start up from nowhere, lift you off your feet

and chuck you 100 yards.

And what do I do if I meet one of those?

Send for the sergeant?

That's the idea.

I thought all the police out here were mounted.

Oh, we are.

I just use the old bike when I'm off duty.

What do you reckon they're saying now?

He's saying, “Wilt thou be my heart's desire?”

And she's saying, “Thou art my lord and master.”

I bet we're the first people in the world

what knows about the sergeant and the teacher.

It's flabbergasting!

That's what I said.

Oh, you don't own a word just because you said it first!

Let's go closer and see what they're doing.

Gee, isn't this a beautiful bike?

Come and have a look and see what they're doing.

I'm going to have a ride.

Hey! You can't ride a bike.

I can.

If the old sergeant in there copped you,

he'll shove you in the lockup.

Go on!

Help!

Help!

There you are. I told you.

Quick! Give us a hand, Joey.

You've gone and busted it.

Quick! Let's get it back.

Oh, it's heavy!

I'm clearing off.

Hey, wait for me!

Are you sure you wouldn't like me to wait and see you back to the hotel?

Really.

I've got such a lot to do, getting things straight.

And Mr. Rankin said he'd pick me up later.

But thanks for all the help and all the tips.

I'll keep my eyes skinned for snakes and willies and...

You may laugh, Miss Workman.

But out here in the bush, you've got to look ahead,

be prepared for any emergency.

A leaky waterbag, a sticky compass.

Any part of your gear not in top line and anything can happen.

Good day.

What the...?

So long, Smiley.

Meet you at the hide-out.

Smiley!

What have you been up to?

Nothing, Mum.

You've got a bit torn off your sleeve. How did you do that?

I don't know, Mum.

What do you mean, you don't know?

You're getting more like your old man every day.

He doesn't care if I have to do the washing for half this town,

as long as when he gets back from droving,

he's got all his money to spend on booze.

You don't care either!

I do so, Mum!

I think it's flabbergasting.

It's so flabbergasting that I'm going to catch some crayfish for your tea.

I'll catch 50 whoppers and you can have 49 of them.

You're going to do no crayfishing

until you take the washing up to the schoolhouse.

- But, Mum... - Now, off you go.

I'm a beast of burden.

A miserable beast of burden.

Here's your washing.

Take it round to the back door, menial.

Don't you call me a meanie!

I said 'menial' - a varlet, practically a slave.

I'll come aboard and belt you one.

I've got something you haven't got.

And what is it?

A catalogue. I'm choosing my Christmas present.

Give us it!

I've never seen a catalogue.

Ha! You couldn't afford to buy anything in here.

Bet I could.

Bet I could buy a hundred things!

You? Son of a washerwoman?

Don't you say things about my mum, less I'll belt you.

The only thing you could buy is a packet of seeds for a penny.

Hey! Give me that!

- It's mine now! - Help!

What's going on out here?

He pinched my catalogue. Snatched it out of my hands.

Little boys shouldn't snatch things, Smiley.

Nowmnow give it back to Fred.

Come on. Give it back.

Just a minute!

Smiley asked to have a look and Fred wouldn't let him.

- He didn't. He pinched it. - Shut up!

John!

Smiley, you can borrow it for a while.

Take good care of it

and bring it back in the morning when you come to school.

Gee, thanks, sir!

And don't let me ever again hear you

speaking to one of the poorer boys like that.

But I'm sure he didn't mean to...

Oh, yes, he did.

Now pick that up and take it round to the kitchen.

At the double!

Have you got a bite?

I think so.

Got him.

That makes five.

Look what I've got.

It's called a catalogue.

And it's full of millions of pictures.

Oh, it's only a lot of old chairs and tables

and hoses and buckets and watering cans.

Look! Cricket bats!

And footballs and airguns.

And look at all the bikes!

Look out! Cray!

See what you've done? A Whopper and he's got away.

I'll show that Fred.

He said that I couldn't afford anything in this book

except a packet of seeds.

I'm going to get a bike.

Who for? The sergeant?

Oh, he'll never find out it was me.

Suppose he got your fingerprints?

I'm going to buy a bike.

And I'll be King of Murrumbilla!

Speed King of Murrumbilla!

You couldn't save up four pence!

I know. I'm going to catch a lot of crays and sell them.

And that will start me saving.

I'm going to catch thousands of crays

and sell them to everyone.

And I bet Dad will be flabbergasted when he comes home

and sees me with a bike.

All people that on earth do dwell

Sing to the Lord...

Hey, look! Mr. Lambeth!

Him serve with fear His praise forth tell

Come ye before him

- Hi, Mr. Lambeth. - And rejoice.

Hi, Mr. Lambeth.

Ah, my favourite pair of rapscallions!

And are we well met on this glorious day

of 100-and-something in the shade?

Let us sing for the sheer joy of it.

All people that on earth do dwell

Sing to the Lord with cheerful voice

Him serve with fear His praise forth tell

Come ye before him and rejoice.

Splendid! Splendid!

Our voices are now echoing round the vaulted arch of heaven itself.

Mr. Lambeth, I'm going to get a bike.

Get a what?

I'm going to save up and buy the best bicycle bargain for boys,

the Raleigh.

Only four quid, delivered at your door.

How much have you got so far?

Nothing. I only just made up my mind.

How is the catechism going?

Let me see.

“What did thy godfathers and godmothers then for you?”

“They promised and vowed three things in my name -

“first, that I should renounce the Devil and all his works,

“the pomps and vanities of this wicked world

“and the sinful lusts of the flesh.

“Now, second...”

Good boy.

Here's a sixpence to start the ball rolling.

Or rather, I should say to start the bike rolling.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Lambeth!

You're a real sport!

I'm going to get a bike too, Mr. Lambeth.

Good on you, Joey.

Now, let me see.

“What is my duty towards my neighbour?”

“My duty towards my neighbour...”

“My duty towards my neighbour...”

“..is to love him as myself...”

“..is to love him as myself

“and to do to all men as I would they should do unto me.”

Good boy. Here's a sprat for you as well.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Lambeth.

Goodbye, boys.

And Jehovah be with you!

So long, Mr. Lambeth.

Oh, you just said you were going to get a bike

because he'd give you six pence.

I never did. I'm going to get a bike just like yours.

You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to sell all my crays to Rankin"; pub.

So am I.

Copycat.

Mr. Rankin! Mr. Rankin!

Do you want to buy some lovely crays, Mr. Rankin?

Oh, it's you, Smiley.

Only three pence.

I've got some too, Mr. Rankin.

Oh, go away, kids.

Only three pence, Mr. Rankin.

Get out of it! I'll knock your blocks off, you...

Oh, yes, I'm very pleased. It's a lovely little place.

How nice.

Now, what's this proposition of yours, kids, eh?

Lovely crays, Mr. Rankin.

Three pence each, delivered at your door.

Lovely crays, Mr. Rankin.

Well, you know, I've got stewed snake and roast cockatoo

on tonight's menu already.

If I was to serve boiled crayfish, it might be too much of a good thing.

Ah, hello, Miss Workman! I was just going to fetch you.

I got through quicker than I expected.

What are those?

Crayfish, Teacher.

Please buy some from me.

Please, Teacher.

Do they taste nice?

They taste flabbergasting!

Flabbergasting!

Then I'm sure Miss Workman would like some.

Here's six pence each.

I'll have half a dozen.

Thanks, Mr. Rankin!

I'm saving up to buy this bike.

It's mighty.

It looks lovely.

I hope it's stronger than the sergeanfs.

The sergeanfs?

Promise not to tell.

No.

But the sergeant"; front Wheel got buckled

and he shot headfirst into a bush full of prickles.

He did?

Well, what do you know, eh?

Now, not a word, mind.

So you caught those all by yourselves?

Too right, Teacher.

We've been fishing all afternoon.

One day, I must come and watch how you do it.

It's in a secret part of the river

far from the ken of mankind.

You go past Charlie Koi's garden and towards the Aborigines' camp.

Better not let King Billy see you.

Shut up, Joey. It's a deadly secret.

So long, Teacher. So long, Mr. Rankin.

So long, Mr. Rankin.

Let's sell some to Willy.

If I know that old Chinaman, he'll be doing the selling.

I wonder if I ought to tell Mr. Stevens.

Why?

Well, only this morning he was warning the boys

that anywhere near the Abo camp was out of bounds.

Oh, I shouldn't worry.

What harm can there be in the kids having a hide-out

and having a little bit of fun?

It keeps them out of trouble.

- Yes, perhaps so. - Yeah.

Come on, Willy. Only three pence.

Cray, no want it.

We'll sell you one for two pence.

Cray, no want it.

Hey. Willy!

Can I have six pence worth of licorice

and three pence of coconut and three pence of caramel?

Have you got any money?

You bet I've got money.

I thought you were going to save that and get a bike.

I had my fingers crossed.

Go on, Smiley, you buy some too.

No.

I'm going to save up and get a bike.

Give us a bit of lolly, Joey.

You've got your own dough. Buy your own lollies.

I told you I was saving up to get a bike.

I'd give you some of my lollies, Smiley,

if you didn't have your own money.

But you can go and buy some lollies the same as me.

No.

I suppose I could spend three pence.

Just three pence.

Wait here, Joey.

Willy! Willy!

You want some lollies?

You bet!

How many?

Same as Joey?

Only three pence worth.

No.

I'm going to save up and get my bike.

What did you get, Smiley?

Nothing.

I'm not going to spend my money on lollies.

I'm going to buy a bike.

Want a bit of caramel?

You bet!

I'll give you a bit if you let me ride your bike.

I'll let you ride my bike.

How many times?

10 times from Willy Singer's store to the church.

That's not much.

100 times!

Alright, 100 times. There you are.

Where's that shirt? I'll mend it for you.

Thanks, Mum.

None of your nightmares or Old Nick will be after you.

Goodnight, Smiley.

Goodnight, Mum.

Dear God,

help me to save up and buy a bike before Dad gets home

because I know that thou art my greatest friend.

I remain, Smiley William Thomas Greevins.

Amen.

So to finish our morning talk on bush discipline,

let's have a few questions.

Now, children, what do we know about horses?

Uh, James.

Please, sir, but a horse always kicks.

And so?

And so you shouldn't get near a horse's hind legs,

even if you know it's a quiet old mare that wouldn't hurt a fly.

Very good, Joey.

Now, uh, Smiley, what do you do if you get lost in the bush

and find you're losing your nerves?

Say something out loud.

What?

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

All good children go to heaven.

Penny on the water, twopence on the sea.

Threepence on the railway for you and me.

That's as good as anything else.

And there's nothing like the sound of your own voice

to give you self-confidence.

Now, Jean, what do you do if you see a snake?

Send for the sergeant!

He's killed more snakes than anyone!

No, I asked Jean.

Sorry, sir.

Anyhow, who told you that? Not the sergeant, I'm sure.

Oh, I just made it up.

- Well, Jean? - Run away, sir.

And if you can't, if you're cornered?

I know. Grab a stick and hit him just behind his head so as to break his back.

That's right.

And what happens if he does happen to bite you?

Stick a knife in the place where he's bit you and suck it dry.

Bloodthirsty little wretch.

Well, that's all, Miss Workman. I'll leave them to you.

Open your history books at page 33.

That is the story of Tasman.

Now, when I finish correcting these sums,

I'll expect you to know all about the discovery of Tasmania.

What's going on?

Smiley stole a picture out of my catalogue!

Oh, you've got plenty of pictures in your catalogue.

Can't I have just one?

I'll tell my father on you.

Telltale tittle-tat!

Quiet at once!

Now, what was this picture, Smiley?

It's a picture of the Raleigh bike I was going to buy.

Give it back to Fred.

You had no right to cut it out without asking him.

Oh, I know what it says anyhow. Here you are.

Smiley.

Since when exactly have you developed this interest in bicycles?

Since yesterday, Teacher.

I thought so.

I had a note from the sergeant this morning.

He wants to see you in your lunch hour.

Come in.

Ah, it's you, Smiley.

Yes, it's me, Sergeant.

I'm making a few enquiries about my bike.

Somebody rode it into a bush on the Morvern Road

and buckled the front wheel.

I don't know nothing about your bike, Sergeant.

Come here, son.

Now, this was found close by.

Now, I'm not Sherlock Holmes, but I reckon you know something about it.

Well, a matter of fact,

I was taking a stroll along the Morvern Road,

when I see a bushranger riding your bike.

Sol beckons after him

and shout at him to get off your bike.

And as he turns around to see who's following

he rides into a tree.

Then he dashes off into the bush

and I follows like a deadly bloodhound.

Oh, you and your imagination.

Now, listen, kid, if you ever want to borrow my bike,

all you've got to do is to ask permission.

But first of all it's got to be repaired

and you've got to help pay for the damage.

Now, I know you're always broke, so you'll just have to work it off.

Say about, uh, two bob's worth.

I'll groom your horse, Sergeant.

And cut some wood?

Too right.

And split some kindling

and polish my saddle and bridle and the sulky harness?

Yeah, I reckon that's about two bob's worth.

And when I've done all that work I'll do it again for a real two bob.

And I'll do it again and again

till I've saved up enough to get a bike of my own.

Do you really mean that, kid?

Too right I do!

Then I'll tell you what I'll do, Smiley.

If you'll promise to save and not spend it,

I'll start off your bike fund for you.

Here.

Go on. Get hold of it. It's yours.

Gee! A bob!

Now clear off and have your dinner.

Gee, Sergeant. You're a real sport, and no mistake.

I saw Smiley Greevins just now.

I hope the sergeant wasn't too hard on him.

What's that dreadful little larrikin been up to now?

Do you know what he's doing, Mum?

He's betting the boys real money that rosin splits the cane.

Rosin?

It's always been a sort of a superstition

amongst the children out here - don't ask me why.

And has it been proved?

That's what Smiley's betting about.

He's rubbing rosin on his hands

and this afternoon he's going to do something to get the cane.

Well, whatever you may say about the boy, he must have lots of pluck.

Of all the painful ways of raising money!

You won't tell Smiley I told you, will you, Dad?

Well, if I hear any more tales out of school

it'll be you who'll be getting the cane.

John!

Don't speak with your mouth full.

Right, children, we'll take poetry this afternoon.

'We Are Seven' by William Wordsworth.

You begin, Jean.

'We Are Seven' by William Wordsworth.

“L met a little cottage girl She was eight years old, she said

“Her hair was thick with many a curl

“That clustered round her head.”

Very nice, Jean. Now your turn, Smiley.

“Two of us in the churchyard lie, My sister and my brother...”

And everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go!

I'm afraid you're using

that wonderful imagination of yours, Smiley.

Just look again and see that you've been inventing, haven't you?

Yes, Teacher.

Alright. Go on reading.

“How many of us, then, ' said I 'If they two are in heaven?“

The little maiden then replied, “Put that in your pipe and smoke it!”

It must be the heat.

I think you'd better go and lie down in the shade for a while.

Oh, no, Teacher. I'm alright.

Well, if you keep on saying silly things like that

I shall take it for granted and send you home.

Fred. Continue reading.

“You run about, my little maid Your limbs they are alive

“If two are in the churchyard...”

Smiley pinched me!

He did what?

Smiley pinched my behind.

Don't use that vulgar word, Jean. Smiley, is that right?

Did you pinch Jean?

That's right, Teacher. I pinched her... bum!

Quiet, please. Quiet, please.

Go on with your reading.

She's gone for the headmaster.

Now you're for it.

I told you so.

The moment has arrived.

He's been behaving as naughtily as possible

and finished off by pinching Jean's behind.

Right. Send him in.

Smiley Greevins. Go along to the master's room.

Now, where were we?

Oh, yes, Fred. Go on reading.

“Their graves are green, they may be seen, '

“The little maid replied.

“Twelve steps or more from my mother's door

“And they are side by side.'

“How many are you, then, ' said I...“

Come in.

Miss Workman tells me you've been misbehaving.

Sorry, sir.

I cannot allow goings-on like that in my school.

So I'm going to make an example of you.

Yes, sir.

No, I think we'll try the place where you pinched Jean.

Bend over.

- But... - Bend over!

'“If they two are in heaven?' Quick was the little...”

That's all. And, Smiley, you can keep the picture.

And here's, uh, something towards your bike.

A bob! Gee, thanks, sir!

And, Smiley, you can take my word for it,

rosin does not split the cane.

Hi, Mr. Lambeth!

Hi, Smiley. Hi, Joey.

What... What was the fight about, smiley?

Oh, a bloke told on me.

Told the master Smiley had rosin on his hands.

No tale telling. I don't Want to know the culprit"; name.

Tell me one thing. Did you sock him?

I stoushed him one.

Stoushed. The appropriate punishment, my lad.

Rough justice in the Old Testament fashion.

Tell me, how's the Smiley Greevins bicycle purchasing fund going?

I suppose you succumbed to temptation and spent it all on lollies?

Not on your life, Mr. Lambeth.

You gave me six pence,

Teacher gave me a bob, the sergeant gave me a bob,

I made seven pence from telling the master to cane me,

and then I made four pence from showing off me behind.

Your what?

Oh... where the master caned me.

I'll bet you deserved it.

You bet your sweet life I did.

And what's your total, Joey?

Nothing, Mr. Lambeth.

I sort of squandered it.

To him that hath shall be given, provided that he earns it.

Smiley, you remember Jim Crowther,

who usually rings the bell for church?

Yes, Mr. Lambeth.

Well, he's gone to live in Gambol.

So how would you like to take over the job?

One penny per tintinnabulation. Start Sunday at the early service.

First bell 7:30. Second bell 7:45. Third bell 3:00.

Three tintinnabulations atone penny per tintinnabulation

makes how much?

Three pence.

Right. Same for the 11 o'clock service and then for Sunday school.

Nine pence in all. OK?

Gee, that's boozer, Mr. Lambeth.

So long, Smiley. So long, Joey.

So long, Mr. Lambeth.

Hey, Mr. Lambeth?

Yes. my boy?

Do I have to go to church every time I ring the bell?

No, no, no.

Only morning service and then Sunday school.

Jehovah be with you!

So long, Mr. Lambeth!

Hello? Who's this?

Mr. Johnson.

Who?

Mr. Johnson. Commercial traveller from Gambol.

Good morning, Mr. Johnson.

Here, take these. I'm in a hurry.

Very good.

- Sugar. - Sugar.

- Tea. - Tea.

- Where's the boss? - Inside.

- Tapioca. - Tapioca.

- Rice. - Rice.

Tell him I want to see him.

He say bad thing you and him seen together.

Have you got it?

Yes, I have.

Who's she?

Oh, she new schoolteacher. Very nice.

- Almonds. - Almonds.

- Dates. - Dates.

- Chocolates. - Chocolates.

Lard, baking powder. That's the lot.

Lard, baking powder.

If you sell me short I'll beat the life out of him.

No, no, no.

Come in!

From Mr. Johnson.

Well, about time too.

Miss Workman said she teach me how to make curry.

- Where is she? - On the veranda.

- She not see? - No, no.

Why, hello, Miss Workman!

I thought you'd still be up at your new house.

Too hot.

Besides, the carpenter wants to try and finish off today.

So soon?

Well, there's only the painting, the plumbing -

I shall be able to move in.

Oh, dear. Well, I'll have to bribe the plumber to go slow.

Nonsense. You'll be glad to be rid of me.

I will not.

Your coming to this township

was the best thing that's happened to it in years.

I doubt if the boys at school think so.

Ah Foo tells me you're going to teach him how to make curry.

You like it?

My favourite.

I haven't had a really good curry for years.

What about making some tonight, eh? Just for the two of us.

I'll have to have some curry powder.

Pity I didn't think to ask Mr. Johnson.

Who?

The commercial traveller from Gambol.

Oh, well, they've probably got some over at the store.

I'll go have a look anyway.

And if they haven't, I'm sure that Mrs. Stevens has.

You just leave it to me.

Hello, Smiley!

It's a letter from the sergeant.

Why all the secrecy?

It's a love letter. And it's very, very romantic.

How do you know, Smiley?

Did you help the sergeant to write it?

I was cleaning his harness outside

and every time I looked through the window

he was nibbling his pen.

He took longer than I do with an essay.

Smiley, as always, you're imagining things.

I bet I'm not. I bet it says, “Thou art my beloved.”

No, Cupid, it does not.

What time do the kangaroos come in for water?

They come in at sunset and it's terribly romantic.

Better than cooking curry for Mr. Rankin.

Smiley, you've been eavesdropping again.

I didn't mean to, Teacher.

Go back and tell the sergeant

that I shall be unable to accompany him this evening to see the kangaroos

as I'm otherwise engaged.

But, Teacher...

Smiley.

Yes, Teacher.

I am the bearer of evil tidings.

The teacher is in Rankin"; deadly power.

What did Miss Workman say?

She"; not gonna see the kangaroos. She"; gonna cook Rankin"; supper.

Cook his supper?

That's right.

She said, “Tell the sergeant that I'm otherwise engaged.”

I reckon she's in deadly peril and you'd better go down and belt him.

When I want your opinion, my lad, I'll ask for it.

But she's your heart's desire!

Get out. Go on, off you go.

I'm telling you, Sergeant, her fate is doomed.

Get out!

Click, go the shears, boys, click, click, click...

And eight pence back to you. Thank you.

And his hands move quick

The ringer looks around and is beaten by a blow

And curses the old snagger with the blue-bellied joe

The tarboy is there awaiting his demand...

I'm gonna sing them a song!

What for?

Get money for me bike.

You can't do that, Smiley. They'll chuck you out.

You wait and see.

Hey, kid, where are you going?

I'll sing for you. I'll sing 'Waltzing Matilda'.

I think you ought to go home.

Oh, but I want to sing 'Waltzing Matilda'.

You do, eh? Alright. Come on.

Now, listen, blokes. Here's a kid wants to sing 'Waltzing Matilda'.

Go on. Sing up, son.

Let her go, kid.

Come on, Smiley.

Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong

Under the shade of the coolibah tree

And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled

“Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?”

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda

“Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?”

And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled

“Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?”

Down came a jumbuck to drink at the billabong

Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee

And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tuckerbag

“Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?”

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda

“Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?”

And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tuckerbag

“You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me...”

Hey. King Billy. Quick.

Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda

“Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?“

“Where's that jolly jumbuck you've got in your tuckerbag?“

Come and join in the fun.

Your Smiley's having the time of his life.

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda

“You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me”

And his ghost may be heard...

Look out!

“You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me“

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda

“You'll come a-waltzing...”

What's all this? What's the kid doing here?

Just giving us a song.

Take it easy, Sergeant. He's trying to save up to buy a bike.

Well, this is no way to do it.

You get out of here, son. This is no place for you.

Go on! On your way!

He wasn't doing any harm.

No, of course he wasn't.

As his schoolteacher I'd have thought you'd know better

than to let him mix with a mob of boozers like this.

As his schoolteacher

I can see nothing against him having a little good-natured fun.

Anyone would think we were making trouble.

OK, everybody, drinks all round on me!

Dear God, I have saved up five shillings and nine pence.

No, wait a bit...

five shillings and eleven pence.

And with the nine pence more for ringing the bell tomorrow

I will have...

six shillings and...

"eight pence.

Wilt thou please have mercy on my soul

and help me to buy a bike before Dad gets home?

Yours truly, Smiley William Thomas Greevins.

Amen.

So here is what I want you to do.

Let us be more active Christians.

Let us continuously ask ourselves, “What can I do now to help others?”

So when we leave this church this morning,

let us leave with one thought in our minds -

“How can we help our fellow men today,

“this very God-given day of Sunday

“and every day hereafter?”

Jehovah be with you.

Now let us sing hymn number 442 -

'All Things Bright And Beautiful'.

All things bright and beautiful

All creatures great and small

All things wise and wonderful

The Lord God made them all

Each little flower that opens

Each little bird that sings

He made their glowing colours

He made their tiny wings

All things bright and beautiful

All creatures great and small...

Goodbye, Mr. Casey.

Mrs. Casey, I hope Charlie's got over the sunstroke.

He's quite better now, thank you.

Laurie, you patched my cassock beautifully.

Thank you, Mr. Lambeth.

It's a pleasure and a surprise to see you here, Mr. Rankin.

Well, you know how it is, Reverend.

Thank you for bringing him along, Miss Workman.

Well, I didn't exactly.

Ah, indirectly, of course.

Mrs. Greevins, any news of your husband?

You're expecting him back home soon, aren't you?

Too soon, if you ask me.

Ah, who knows but the Lord may have changed his erring ways.

Well, Smiley, did you listen to my sermon

or were you thinking about that bike?

I listened to your sermon, Mr. Lambeth, and when you said,

“Let us go out of this church now thinking, 'Who can I help today...“

Well?

I thought, as you won't be here this afternoon,

you might like to pay me that dough for ringing the bell now.

What a mercenary young scamp you are.

I'll pay you in advance for the next tintinnabulation.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Lambeth.

And Jehovah be with you.

We'll get him when he's ringing for Sunday school.

Too right we will.

Plenty of mud balls - that's what we want.

- Fred! - Get all you can from the river.

You bet.

Smiley's a bellringer! Smiley's a bellringer!

I'll take on all you mob.

Who threw that stone?

It wasn't a stone, Sergeant. Just a mud pie.

I don't care what it was. Who broke that window?

I did, Sergeant.

Oh. How much money have you saved up for your bike?

Six and eight pence.

Well, here's two pence.

The rest is gonna help pay for the window.

And you're all just as bad.

Look at you. And on a Sunday.

Now be off with you, and I hope you all get the hidings you deserve.

Go on! Off you go!

And what about my Sunday school?

You can't possibly expect them to attend Sunday school

looking like this - all filthy, battered and bruised!

That's my responsibility, not yours.

Gee, Smiley. You're crying.

That's the end of school today.

Now, when I dismiss the class,

I want you to leave quietly and in an orderly manner.

Alright, class dismissed.

Smiley, I'd like a word with you.

Cheer up, Smiley!

You've got a reputation to keep up, you know.

Where's that famous smile?

I'm back where I started.

Well, I'm afraid you'll just have to start saving up all over again.

If you really make up your mind, you can do it, I'm sure.

What's this bike going to cost?

Four quid!

Come now, Smiley. That won't take long!

Justice has miscarriaged.

It won't do you any good feeling sorry for yourself, you know.

Fred Stevens started it and it's the law of the jungle.

Cheer up, Smiley!

Oh, well, if you don't want my sympathy, you'd better be off.

So long, Teacher.

So long, boys! See you again!

Lay off that two-up, now. Stick to the beer!

See ya! 'Bye!

I told you, only come along at night.

AFIVbOdy see you?

Just a minute!

Get down!

- What do you want? - Sergeant just come.

Sergeant? I'll be right out.

Here, come here!

Tell King Billy police are in the pub.

I'll give you a parcel later. Now go on, get out!

What's that? A warrant for my arrest?

I don't get it.

Having kids in the bar.

- Beer? - No, thanks.

No, I thought you might be able to help.

Anything to oblige the law.

Mrs. Ockshaw went down to Charlie Kai's garden this morning

for some tomatoes.

She couldn't see a soul around, couldn't get anybody to answer.

She told me, I went down

and I found Charlie and Mrs. Koi on their bed, dead to the world.

Opium?

Yes.

Now, where's Charlie getting it?

Search me.

And another thing too.

The Aborigines are getting more and more.

I've been down to the camp, talked to old King Billy,

but I can't get anything out of him.

What do you want me to do?

This is from Superintendent Robbins.

Says he knew you down south.

Yeah, too right he did.

I gave him the winner of the cup two years running.

What does he want?

He thinks commercial travellers are bringing it in from the coast.

Then the Chinese, after they've had their go,

trade the dregs to the Aborigines.

Yeah, could be.

Headquarters is getting all steamed up about it. Listen.

“something's got to be clone and quick.

“L know you can't watch everyone,

“so why not take Jim Rankin into your confidence?

“Ask him to watch out for any strangers using the pub -

“commercial travellers, coach drivers, even swaggies.”

Only too glad.

And if you see any Aborigines hanging around...

Leave it to me.

- Let me know and I'll be right down. - You bet.

What did she want, Smiley?

If my father wasn't away, I'd pinch his razor and commit suicide!

That's alright. My dad's got two. You can use one of his.

I think I'll drink deadly poison.

I'll see if my dad's got some weed killer -

then we can both have a go and commit suicide together.

You haven't got anything to commit suicide about.

Of course I have!

You're my friend and whatever you do, I'm going to do too.

So long, Smiley.

Hiya, Smiley!

Why so gloomy?

I'm gonna commit suicide.

I'm gonna cut my throat with a razor,

drink deadly poison and jump into the river.

What's all this about, eh?

That business at the church where the sergeant took your dough?

Well, before you cut your throat or get your own back,

how'd you like to make a couple of bob, huh?

Yeah!

All you gotta do is to run a message.

Gee, Mr. Rankin, I'll run like mad!

Yes, but, uh... it's a secret message.

A deadly secret message, savvy?

Yes, Mr. Rankin. I savvy.

So secret even the sergeant mustn't know about it.

Oh, am I gonna be a sort of a spy?

That's it exactly.

My secret agent.

Only, secret agents aren't called by their real names, see,

because, Well, that'd give the game away.

No, they're called by letters and numbers.

So you'll be secret agent, uh...

"X49.

X49.

I'm J17.

J17.

Come inside, X49.

Shh! Quiet!

Now, then, X47...

X49!

X49.

Before I tell you what your mission is,

you must swear a secret oath.

Hold up your right hand.

Say after me,

“I swear by the secret service all over the world...”

“I swear by the secret service all over the world...”

“..that I will not tell anyone what I'm carrying...”

“..that I will not tell anyone what I'm carrying...”

“..or who gave it to me...”

“..or who gave it to me...”

“..or who I gave it to.”

“..or who I gave it to.”

“So help me, by the sign of Old Nick.”

“So help me, by the sign of Old Nick.”

Now shake.

Here's your two bob.

Where do I go on my secret mission, J17?

Well, now... where shall I send you on your first mission?

I know.

You've got a hide-out down by the river

by the Aborigine camp, haven't you?

That's right.

You'll take a secret message to King Billy.

But the camp's out of bounds.

Oh, nothing's out of bounds to the secret service!

Of course not, J17.

Now, look, put this inside your shirt where no-one can see it.

Go down to your hide-out, have a swim, and when no-one's looking,

slip across the Aborigine camp and give that to King Billy.

Only to King Billy, understand? Nobody else.

Savvy, X49?

I savvy, J17.

Now, I wish you a safe journey, free from danger and peril.

Farewell.

Farewell.

Hey, Jackie, where's King Billy?

Over there.

Hey. King Billy?

What do you want?

Mr. Rankin told me to give you this.

Mr. Rankin? Ah, good!

So long, Billy! So long, Jackie!

So long, Smiley!

There's a spoon on the sink if you want it.

Thank you.

Hello, Mum!

Where have you been?

I thought I told you to come straight home from school.

I'm saving up to get my bike again.

Mr. Rankin"; a real pal.

He gave me two bob just to run a message - look!

I'll show that sergeant, the dirty, double...

Smiley!

Now you go and apologise.

That's what I like to hear, Smiley.

Not what you said about me

but what you said about saving up again for your bike.

I'll say this about him -

doesn't matter how many times he takes a knock,

he'll always get up again and have another go.

Well, here's his chance to have a real go.

School breaks up next Friday. What are you gonna do on your holiday?

I don't know. Suppose I'll just muck around.

Well, Smiley, the overseer from Yarramanda was in this morning.

He wants a couple of lively lads

to go out there next week and be rouseabouts at the shearing.

He'll pay £1 a week and your keep

and you'll be shearing for three weeks.

Now, what about it?

£1 a week?!

Three ones make three.

Three quid!

You'll be getting first prize in arithmetic if you're not careful.

Gee, that's great, Sergeant.

Three quid!

Now, who would you suggest for the second rouseabout?

What about Joey?

Yeah, I thought so. Well, you better go tell him.

- You bet! - Just a minute, Smiley!

Why did Mr. Rankin give you that two bob?

You said you ran a message for him. Where did you go?

It was a terrible secret.

I swore a deadly oath.

It was flabbergasting!

He'll be much better off on a sheep station

than hanging around Rankin"; pub.

- I'll bet he will! - Thanks for the tea!

Smiley!

Hey, up! Ho, ho, ho!

Smiley, Joey, come on! Get those sheep through!

Now, if you don't speculate, you can't accumulate.

What's the matter?

“If you don't speculate, you can't accumulate.”

What are you gabbing about?

It's what they're saying.

I reckon I'm gonna speculate.

Go to sleep!

And accumulate to buy my bike!

Go to sleep! You're potty!

I might never get the chance to play two-up,

especially with that sergeant hanging around all the time.

Go to sleep!

If you don't speculate, you can't accumulate.

£1 there, £1 there.

A fiver there, 10 bob there.

And £1 there.

Andmaway we go, and a fiver there. Now, that's what we set.

Now, away they go. Up they go!

And they're two heads! Your Royal Highness won again!

Bringing in the sheaves

Bringing in the sheaves

Here we go rejoicing Bringing in the sheaves.

Here we go! Your luck can always change here.

This is the time to come in.

Alright, fiver, £2, 10, £1 there,

a fiver there, and a bob over here.

Right, up they go!

Up they go and here we go!

And they're...

Tails!

Tails, you beauty!

- Whose money's this? - Mine!

Who told you to come into the school?

I put my money down and I won!

Well, I don't want any kids here. Buzz off!

Oh, I put my money down and I won.

Course he won!

Bet you'd have taken his dough if he lost.

Well, I'll pay up this time, kid. Now beat it! Get out!

Off we go again!

I told ya!

I still think you're potty!

Come on, we gotta get some sleep.

Up they so!

And they're two heads!

Alright, play again.

Now up we go. and this is it. Remember...

Tails!

Fiver there, £1 there,

£5 there, £5 there.

Strike me handsome, it's the two-up terror back again!

I thought I told you to buzz off!

Oh, just one more game, mister!

That's all, honest!

Oh, let the kid have a go. It'll teach him a lesson.

OK. Up they go!

One head and one tail - no money changes hands.

Now, lads, does your bet still stand?

You bet!

Listen, kid, why don't you grab your dough and leave the game?

I'm in luck tonight!

So am I!

Listen, do me a favour. Will you pull out when you've won 50 quid?

Up they go!

Two heads are right!

There it goes, kid.

Now buzz off and let that be a lesson to you.

And don't tell the coppers about this!

Bringing in the sheaves

Bringing in the sheaves

We shall come rejoicing Bringing in the sheaves.

“Then out spake brave Horatius

“The Captain of the Gate,

“To every man upon this earth

“Death cometh soon or late.

“And how can man die better

“Than facing fearful odds

“For the ashes of his fathers

“And the temples of his gods?“

What are you saying that for?

I had to let off steam and it's the first thing that came into my mind.

Oh, come on. We better get some sleep.

Good bye!

'Bye!

I know I've done in my five bob at two-up,

but if you were a real pal, you'd lend me a quid

so I could get a bike before Dad gets home.

And some of the bike would be yours!

I don't want a bike and I don't want any bit of a bike.

I'm gonna buy a pony...

Oh, you're no friend of mine.

Yes, lam. But you shouldn't have lost your dough.

See you later. So long, Smiley.

So long, Joey.

- I'm back, Mum! - Darling!

So is your dad.

All the way from the back of beyond, my boy.

All the way from the pub, you mean.

How are you, Smiley?

Hello, Dad.

I hear you've been working hard and saving up to buy a bike.

That's right. I've been having a go.

- And how much have you got? - Three quid!

That's great, Smiley! And how much is the bike?

Four quid, delivered at your door!

Ohh... Now, I tell you what I'll do with you, son.

I'll give you a quid...

"so you can buy your bike.

Go on, go on! Take it, it's yours!

Isn't that boozer, Mum? Now I can buy my bike!

Smiley, where are you going?

I'm going down to the teacher's place to ask her to write the letter.

You have your tea first.

Oh, she mightn't be home after tea!

Alright, I'll keep it warm for you.

Thanks, Mum!

And I wouldn't go running around with all that money if I was you.

I'll put it under my pillow.

He's a smart kid, eh?

Yes, he's done wonders to save up for his bike, I'll say that.

Where are you going?

L...just thought I'd take a bit of a stroll.

You'll do nothing of the sort, Greevins.

I've made a stew for your tea

and you'll sit down and have it while it's warm.

I put my money under my pillow, Mum!

Gee, thanks for the quid, Dad!

I bet the teacher will be flabbergasted!

Sit down and eat it!

You know, I've gone off my tucker lately.

Must be the heat.

Must be the booze!

Well, if it isn't Smiley back again!

Hello, Mr. Rankin!

What's the hurry?

I've got my money for the bike

and I'm asking Teacher to write the letter.

That's good! You'll find her in number 4.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Rankin!

Come in.

Teacher, it's flabbergasting!

I got my money for the bike and I gotta write the letter...

Whoa, Smiley!

Is that really true? Have you really saved up £4?

Too right, Teacher! It's under my pillow.

Will you write the letter and tell them to deliver it at my door?

No, Smiley, I think you should write it yourself.

But I'll help you if you get into difficulties.

Now come and sit here.

Now, here...

Jehoshaphafl This is my first real letter!

Me no like it.

Oh, it's as safe as houses.

Who'd ever suspect a kid like Smiley?

Now, you'd better clear off in case he comes out.

And leave the door open.

I've addressed the envelope.

Now, remember what you had to do?

Go home and get my money and put it in the letter

and go to the post office and register it.

That's right.

Now, the registration fee will be six pence.

But, Teacher...

And here it is!

Gee, Teacher, you're a real sport, and no mistake!

Hey, Smiley! Smiley, come in here a minute!

Shut the door.

I want a word with you, X49.

What's that letter you've got?

Oh, it's the letter me and Miss Workman wrote to get my bike.

Oh, yes. Good.

Now, look, I want you to go on another secret mission for me.

Oh, gee, Mr. Rankin.

I gotta go home and get my dough to post the letter!

It's worth another couple of bob.

- Oh, but I really... - Alright, I'll make it four bob.

You want a bell for your bike, don't you?

You'll get a beautiful bell for four bob.

But it says, “Complete with bell and lamp.”

Does it? Let's have a look.

Ah, yes. So it does.

But look here. It says you get a klaxon horn for five bob.

Well, now, you'd like a klaxon horn, wouldn't you?

You know...

Oh, yeah, I know!

That's right. Well, here's your five bob.

And here... here's the parcel.

Now, look, put that inside your shirt.

Oh, Mr. Rankin...

Why, hello, Smiley! Why aren't you posting that letter?

I was just giving him a box of chocolates

to celebrate his return.

Now go on, off you go. Mind you share them with Joey!

Just a minute, Smiley. I like chocolates too.

I think you owe me at least one for helping you with that letter.

Go on. off you 9°!

Hi, Fred.

Hello, $kite, when did you get back?

Today. I've saved up enough money to get my bike.

Mr. Rankin gave me five bob to get a klaxon.

Teacher's written a letter

and all I've gotta do is go to the post office.

Then what are you doing here?

This track doesn't lead to the post office, it leads to the Abo camp.

And what's that?

Oh, th-th-that's just some chocolates Mr. Rankin gave me.

Come clean, Skite! What are you up to?

Oh, I'm going to see Jackie

about asking King Billy to make me a boomerang.

- Ha! You can't throw a boomerang! - Bet I can!

And anyway, you oughtn't have anything to do with the blacks.

I heard the sergeant tell my father

that somebody's been selling opium to them.

It's against the law and you can be arrested, dead or alive.

Oh, that's nothing. So long, Fred.

Hey, come back!

Drat!

And with that, he dashes off towards the camp.

And you say Mr. Rankin had just given him five bob to buy a horn?

That's right, Sergeant.

Yeah. Well, I think I'll be on my way.

Thanks very much for the tea, Mrs. Stevens.

So long, John.

Cheerio, Sergeant.

Look out, look out now.

Hello, Sergeant. What can we do for you?

I'd like to have a word with you.

Sure. Come and join us.

I'd like to see Miss Workman too.

Miss Workman?

Yeah. We'd better go into your office.

OK.

Vic, tell Miss Workman the sarge would like a word with her.

- Yes. - Come on up.

This all sounds very mysterious.

Remember I asked you to keep your eye open

for any suspicious-looking characters?

Yes. Yes, sure I do.

Has that opium business cropped up again?

Very much so.

And I've an idea...

Good evening, Sergeant.

Oh, hello, Miss Workman.

What crime have I committed now?

Mrs. Greevins tells me that Smiley came to see you

soon after he got back from the shearing.

What about it?

Did he happen to say where he was going after he left you?

Home, to get the money for his bicycle, then to the post office.

That's right. You never saw a kid so excited in all your life.

But, of course, when Mr. Rankin gave him a box of chocolates,

his first thought may have been to find Joey

and have the guzzle of their lives.

Thank you very much.

Is that all?

That's all, Miss Workman.

You were saying you had an idea.

Just a hunch.

It was a terrible thing to do.

I was out of luck, I tell you.

It's alright, Mum. I got the letter. Look.

What's the matter, Mum?

Oh, Smiley, I tried to stop him.

He lost all his dough at two-up.

And he came home and said he had to get some more.

Then he went and lost again.

Smiley! Smiley!

He bet me money, bet me money!

Oh, Smiley, I couldn't help it. Smiley, stop.

OK, that's enough!

Smiley. Smiley, what have you done?

I want a word with you, Smiley.

What were you doing down at the Aborigine camp?

Did you give King Billy a package?

And do you know what was in that package?

Opium.

Smiley!

He didn't mean any harm, Sergeant!

I'm not saying he did.

He hit him by mistake.

Hit? Hit Who?

His father. He's killed him.

What?! Let's have a look.

Let me go! Let me go!

- What did you tell the sergeant? - Let me go!

- Did you tell him about King Billy? - No! No!

Smiley! Smiley!

There's no sign of him.

He'll be back.

Probably gone to look for Joey or Miss Workman.

Will he be alright?

Just a bruise for a day or two. Do him good.

- Got any iodine? - Yes.

Well, give him a good dollop and a hot dressing.

What about Smiley? It's getting dark.

He'll be back when he's cooled off.

Well, goodnight, Mrs. Greevins.

I may call back later and have a talk to the boy.

He won't be in trouble?

Over this? Of course not.

Hey, Smiley!

Smiley, come back!

Smiley! Smiley!

Come here, will you?

Come here, kid, or you'll get lost in the bush!

Smiley! Hey. Smiley!

Smiley!

You say you no smoke 'em.

I say you're a liar, Billy, and I'm going in to have a look anyway.

No, no, no! You'll find nothing in there.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven

All good children go to heaven

Penny on the water, twopence on the sea

Threepence on the railway for you and me.

Anyone been in?

Where you been, boss?

That's my business.

See who it is.

Why, hello, Sergeant. What are you doing here?

I'd like to see Miss Workman.

What, this time of night?

At this time of night.

Suppose she's in bed?

I still want to see her.

Alright. I'll go and get her.

Ah Foo can get her.

You get me a beer.

Of course.

Ah Foo, do you mind asking Miss Workman to come in here?

Did you hear about Smiley?

- No. - His old man pinched his dough.

Kid went mad, hit him on the head with a cricket bat,

nearly killed him, raced off into the night.

So that's it.

As a matter of fact,

I was out on the veranda when the kid went tearing past,

so I hopped on the horse and went after him.

- Any luck? - No, none at all.

Too dark. I shouted and yelled, but no.

He'll be back.

Well, this is a nice thing.

Miss Workman, you told me earlier on

that you saw Mr. Rankin give Smiley a box of chocolates.

Yes.

Would you recognise the wrapping if you saw it again?

- I think so. - Is that it?

No, nothing like it.

Well, I couldn't be sure, of course. I only saw it for a moment.

But I should've thought this was very like it.

I found that in King Billy's hut.

What, Smiley taking chocolates to King Billy?

No, I really think this is the same.

No, it isn't. Nothing like it at all. Ah Foo!

We'll soon find out.

Ah Foo, you ever seen this before?

NO, “O, me “EVQY $99.

There you are.

He was the one that got it from the commercial traveller.

Then I suppose I must be wrong.

Well, there's one person who knows for sure - Smiley.

He might be home by now. Why don't you ask him?

That's just what I intend to do.

My friends, not since the Christmas fire

has our church bell rung out the alarm.

Today it rings to tell you there may be tragedy in our midst.

Young Smiley Greevins has run away from home

and may be lost in the bush.

Which way did he go, sir?

Nobody knows.

Sergeant Flaxman, it's up to you.

Thank you, Reverend.

Bill, you take your team and search to the south.

Mr. Stevens, you take a dozen and go west.

Very good, Sergeant.

- Mac, you take to the east. - OK.

I'll go north with the rest of you.

Mr. Lambeth, as you've a car, will you search the Morvern Road?

Take Nobby and Alby with you to search the verges.

By all means.

And every one of you take along

as many stockwhips as you can lay your hands on.

Alright.

My friends, before we begin our search,

let us join in a short prayer.

Heavenly Father who watches over us all,

who sees even a sparrow fall,

we beseech thee to guard our Smiley from the perils of the bush.

We beseech thee to help us in our search

so that we may restore the boy to the safety of his home.

Through Jesus Christ, our Lord, Amen.

Amen.

Where do I search?

You ride along with me.

Come on, there's a kid out there

who will probably never get out of the bush until we find him.

Yes. Come on. It's the only thing to do.

Don't lose heart, Joey. We'll find him.

Jim, you work to the right. We'll go straight on.

OK, Sarge.

Smiley! Smiley!

Smiley! Smiley!

Smiley! Smiley!

What the devil?

Wake up now.

Come on. Wake up, lad.

Wake up, lad!

Now, who are you?

Wake up, lad, now. Come on.

Take it easy. You're alright.

Here, have a go at this.

That's the idea.

Hey, take it easy. That's brandy.

A mouthful will do you good

but what you really want is some tucker, don't you, now?

What's your name, young fella?

Smiley. What's yours?

Bill. Bill, the boundary rider.

You're a Pommie, aren't you?

Yes, born and bred in Sussex.

Then what you doing out here?

Well, I didn't see eye to eye with some of the people back home,

I just sort of drifted out here.

Er, are you a fugitive from justice?

Er, well, I'm a fugitive from, er, parental justice.

Parental justice?

Ooh, I'm a fugitive from justice too. I'm a wanted man.

You don't say?

There's a price on my head, dead or alive.

How much?

100.000 quid.

Ooh, you're more valuable than I am. There's no reward for me at all.

I suppose you haven't been running opium.

Well, I can't say I have.

Or committed a murder.

Oh, Smiley, you're the grandest thing that's come into my life for years.

But it's true, I tell you, it's true.

Oh, you won't give me away, will you?

Not on your life.

There's honour amongst thieves.

Well, come on, if you're gonna earn your tucker,

I've got to bait my dingo traps before the sun gets too high.

Hold this, Smiley.

Poo! What a pong.

That's the decoy.

The what?

Well, you sprinkle it on the trap and it attracts every dog within miles.

What's it made out of?

Never you mind about that.

Just don't get any on yourself,

you'll have every dog in creation after you.

Look out!

- Take that! - He bit me!

- Quick, where did it get you? - In the leg.

Where?

Alright, up you come.

Now, hang on.

Hang on, that's a brave boy.

That's it.

Hang on, now. Hang on, now. That's a boy.

Alright, alright.

It's alright now.

We'll make a beat out this way.

Look!

He's got Smiley.

- Where'd you find him? - Never mind that now!

- Snakebite! Warn the doc! - Right!

How's the kid?

We've got to go quick to save him.

Doctor here?

- What's happened? - Snakebite.

Smiley isn't going to die. He isn't the dying sort, is he?

That's right, Mrs. Greevins. I'm sure he'll be alright.

It's my fault, all my fault.

That's the lot.

All he needs now is rest.

You can tell his parents they can come in.

Good.

It's alright, you can go in and see him now.

There you are, I said he wasn't the dying sort.

- He'll be fine. - Thank heavens for that.

Come on, let's tell the others.

He's alright, folks. Smiley's going to pull through!

Pull over, will you? I'm in a hell of a hurry!

Any news of Smiley?

They've found him.

He's been bitten by a snake and I'm on my way to the doctor.

And you're going to the doctor?

So clear the road, will you? It's urgent, I tell you.

With all that luggage?

Are you going to get that thing out of the way,

or have I gotta do it for you?

Strike me handsome, Reverend. What have you been and gone and done?

I've been longing to do that for years.

But what made you hit him?

A message from the Almighty.

I bought it with me three quid. It's broken in and gallops like mad.

Sorry you haven't got the money to get your own bike, Smiley,

but you can ride my pony whenever you like!

Thanks, Joey.

Poo! What a smell!

Smells great to a dog.

It's what Bill used to catch the wild ones that are killing his sheep.

See what I mean?

Good evening, good evening, friends.

Well, this has been an eventful week in Murrumbilla.

As minister, I regret the loss of one of my flock.

Now, don't punch them on the snozzle!

NOW, HOW, HOW, HOW, HOW.

But as a law-abiding citizen, I congratulate Sergeant Flaxman

in his prompt action in putting the evildoer under lock and key.

Be careful, Miss Workman, or he'll be putting the handcuffs on you.

And now I want to introduce a newcomer in our midst, Mr. McVitty.

A Pommie.

Yes, regrettable, but a real good sport.

Thank you, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen, I wouldn't be here tonight

if it hadn't been for one of your Murrumbilla boys,

a kid called Smiley,

because he saved my life at the risk of his own.

Where are you. Smiley?!

Smiley, I'd like to show my appreciation of your brave action.

What a beauty!

Jehoshaphat! Wow!

There you are, Smiley, and all instalments paid.

I bet you can't ride it anyway!

Bet I can!

Oh. my'-!

Race you to the church on my pony.

Race you!

Dingo bait!

Smiley!

Race you!

Jehovah be with you.

Smiley, they call him

Smiley, they call him

Smileys his name

Happy-go-lucky and always so game

If he should be smiling when you go by

Look out for that wily gleam in his eye

Smiley, they call him

Smileys his name.

English