All language subtitles for S6E01-Two Down, One To Go

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:09,241 How come Darlene gets three good-bye dinners? 2 00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:13,045 You'll get yours next month when they take you away. 3 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:14,747 Well, I just figure I better feed her good 4 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,081 Before she gets up to college 5 00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:18,217 And won't be eating nothing but junk. 6 00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:22,254 Mom, you didn't finish the chilli fries. 7 00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:25,524 Oh, put 'em in the fridge. We'll have 'em in the morning. 8 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:27,092 There's cake in the fridge. 9 00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:28,861 Dad, make mom give us cake. 10 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:32,264 Woman, my son here wants cake. 11 00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:34,600 So does your man. 12 00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:35,768 I better see me some 13 00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:40,272 Cake fetching going on here right now. 14 00:00:40,273 --> 00:00:42,408 I mean it. Don't make me come over there! 15 00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:45,944 Son, I just lost control of the house. 16 00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:48,647 It's every man for himself. 17 00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:51,450 I--I got to hand it to you, Roseanne. 18 00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:53,285 You're handling Darlene leaving pretty well. 19 00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:54,953 Yeah, well, it's been kind of 20 00:00:54,954 --> 00:00:57,289 A real special week, you know. 21 00:00:57,290 --> 00:00:58,524 Kind of cool. 22 00:00:58,525 --> 00:01:02,127 And, oh, i've got such a great thing planned 23 00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:03,429 For the drive up there on Saturday. 24 00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:04,797 We're gonna pull over, you know, 25 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:07,399 And have a picnic, and then we're gonna get tattooed. 26 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,636 Oh...She's wanted one for months. 27 00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,137 I know. We're gonna get matching 28 00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,272 Mother and daughter tattoos. 29 00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:15,808 She's gonna get one that says, "I love mom," 30 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:19,812 And i'm getting a skull with a great big snake coming out of it. 31 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:22,481 Think i'm gonna cry. 32 00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:23,816 Yeah, but i'm kind of worried about how 33 00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:26,151 It's gonna affect Dan, her leaving, you know. 34 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,820 You know how bad he freaked out when Becky left. 35 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,722 Yeah, that was bad. 36 00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:31,156 Him and Darlene, they have that 37 00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:33,826 Kind of a special buddy thing going, you know. 38 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:37,496 She's kind of like his cool son. 39 00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:39,164 Uh, mom, can I talk to you a minute? 40 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:42,501 I need to ask you a really big favor. 41 00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:44,336 Well, let's see, I let you go to art school, 42 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,472 And I let your boyfriend move in. 43 00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:48,674 Oh, yeah, and I gave you life. 44 00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:51,577 Yeah, I guess I owe you one. 45 00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:53,512 I'll just be out in the kitchen. 46 00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:55,114 Unless you want me to stay. 47 00:01:58,184 --> 00:01:59,918 Well, you know where i'll be. 48 00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:04,690 Uh, I was just wondering, 49 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,358 Can David take me up to school 50 00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:07,726 Instead of you and dad? 51 00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:11,730 Uh, well, Darlene, of course not. 52 00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:13,699 Well, I was just thinking that if he took me 53 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,368 Then he'd feel like he was still a part of my life. 54 00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:19,538 And being as your such a majorly cool mom, 55 00:02:19,539 --> 00:02:22,041 A mom like no mom, 56 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:24,009 Head mom, 57 00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:26,345 My main mom... 58 00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,881 Well, you know, this is very important 59 00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,215 To your father, Darlene. 60 00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:31,450 I think you should ask him. 61 00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:33,385 Ask me what? 62 00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:34,553 Dad, I was just wondering 63 00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:36,055 If it would be okay if David took me 64 00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:39,224 Up to school on Saturday instead of you guys. 65 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:40,693 I don't know. What's your mom say? 66 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:43,062 Well, i'm okay with it, 67 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,297 But, you know, how do you feel about it, Dan? 68 00:02:47,233 --> 00:02:49,335 Sure, what the hell. Who wants cake? 69 00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:53,405 Thanks, dad. You're the best. 70 00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:55,341 Sorry about those teen years. 71 00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:00,379 Um, Dan...Are you really sure, you know? 72 00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,748 I know you were pretty psyched about this. 73 00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:04,583 I know. I'll see her next week. 74 00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:07,353 But you had like the whole day planned. 75 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,588 I'll get drunk and watch the bears game instead. 76 00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:11,724 I'm flexible. 77 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,093 God, I hate it when you do this, Dan. 78 00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,260 Your daughter comes in here, 79 00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:16,595 She walks all over your feelings, 80 00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:18,931 And then you pretend it doesn't bother you. 81 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,766 Everyone can see how upset you are. 82 00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:23,102 And here you are just hiding all your feelings 83 00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,437 In the stupid cake. 84 00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:27,206 Now you've ruined dessert! 85 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,446 I didn't think i'd take it that hard. 86 00:03:34,447 --> 00:03:37,383 [theme] 87 00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:28,100 Hey. 88 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,103 How am I feeling today? 89 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,038 Aw, it sucks, Dan. 90 00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:36,675 How come she won't let me drive her to school? 91 00:04:36,676 --> 00:04:38,844 She's almost 17. 92 00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,512 Of course she'd rather go with her boyfriend. 93 00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:43,349 She's not even upset about leaving me. 94 00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:44,850 Look, if you're this upset about it, 95 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,018 Tell her you thought you were cool with it 96 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,353 But now you're not. 97 00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:50,189 [scoffs] I can't do that, Dan. 98 00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:54,360 I can't become queen geek now. 99 00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:55,928 Well, then you'll have to accept it. 100 00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,798 But you could become queen geek though. 101 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,169 I don't want to be queen geek. 102 00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:06,538 I can't go tell her I have a problem 103 00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:08,540 With David taking her, but you could. 104 00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:10,542 You already told her David could take her. 105 00:05:10,543 --> 00:05:12,378 Yeah, I know, but so what? 106 00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:14,580 You could forbid me to do that. 107 00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:17,316 In what universe? 108 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,551 Please, Dan. Please. 109 00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:21,053 Forbid me. 110 00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:22,254 I thought you were supposed to be the man of this house. 111 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,989 Oh, you did not. 112 00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:28,894 [door closes] 113 00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,897 [D.J.] mom, i'm home from soccer practice. 114 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:34,900 Do you smell? 115 00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:37,236 Yes. 116 00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:38,737 Then take a bath! 117 00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:40,773 All right. 118 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:43,909 Aw, they're all just gonna desert us anyway, Dan. 119 00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:46,078 You know where we went wrong? 120 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:48,080 We named 'em. 121 00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:51,417 That's when you get all attached. 122 00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:53,585 I know, honey. 123 00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:54,920 It's hard for me, too, 124 00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:57,089 But kids grow up and leave. 125 00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,124 That's what they do. 126 00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:01,026 I'm stuck! 127 00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:03,429 Here, i'll help you, son. 128 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:04,697 No, no, no, wait. 129 00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,442 What's this? 130 00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:18,110 Well, I thought maybe you could take me 131 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,111 Up to school on Saturday, 132 00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,112 And that way you could 133 00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,113 Keep my car while i'm gone 134 00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,881 And come visit me whenever you wanted. 135 00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,552 Darlene, sit down. 136 00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,423 What is it? 137 00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:33,459 I was thinking. 138 00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,794 Maybe we should get engaged. 139 00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:37,930 Engaged? 140 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,231 Yeah. 141 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,268 David, are you asking me to marry you? 142 00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,406 All right. 143 00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:56,749 David, this is so...Stupid. 144 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,485 I just thought that if we got engaged things might be better. 145 00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:01,687 Your mother might even let us stay in the same room. 146 00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,155 You're not gonna change my mind. 147 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,190 I'm still leaving for school on Saturday. 148 00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:08,360 Well, then, i'm not taking you. 149 00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:09,495 Why not? 150 00:07:09,496 --> 00:07:11,430 Because i've got a date. 151 00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:14,833 You've got a date? 152 00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:16,168 A minute ago we were engaged. 153 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,170 Okay, I don't have a date. 154 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,171 I just want you to know 155 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,339 That if you go away to school 156 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,007 Then i'm gonna be seeing other people. 157 00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,376 You're breaking up with me? 158 00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,377 Now, wait a minute. 159 00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:26,512 You're the one who's leaving me, 160 00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:28,180 So you're the one who's breaking us up. 161 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,515 Oh, go to hell. 162 00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,517 No, you go to hell. 163 00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:33,185 [Darlene] I wouldn't want you to take me anyway. 164 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,354 I couldn't sit in the same car with you for two hours. 165 00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:38,023 Fine. God, I hate you! 166 00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:39,458 [door slams] 167 00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:46,365 I really think she needs to be alone now. 168 00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:50,102 I really think she needs a ride on Saturday. 169 00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:52,304 Okay, but no gloating. 170 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:59,378 Oh, Darlene, I just heard what happened. 171 00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:01,046 You know, i'm going through this huge thing 172 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:04,216 And all he's thinking about is what he wants. 173 00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,552 Well, that's men for you, but listen. 174 00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,220 We'll talk this all out 175 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,322 On our drive up there on Saturday. 176 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,057 I'm not waiting 'til Saturday. 177 00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:13,225 I'm leaving tomorrow. 178 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,294 I want to get as far from this place as possible. 179 00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:17,229 Well, yeah, well, so do I, 180 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:20,065 But I can't get any time off work till Saturday, 181 00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:23,168 And, you know, I kind of want to take you up there. 182 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,403 Well, I don't care what you want. 183 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,572 I never wanted you to take me in the first place. 184 00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,073 I just want to get away from David. 185 00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:29,074 I want to get away from you. 186 00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:30,743 I hate this whole damn house. 187 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:33,278 Just leave me alone, okay? 188 00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:37,416 I got to get something out of the car. 189 00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:38,517 Honey... 190 00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:45,024 [door closes] 191 00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:55,434 What do you want? 192 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,436 What do you think I want? 193 00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,104 I want you to go out there and apologize. 194 00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:00,439 I want you to tell your mother 195 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,442 That you want her to take you to school Saturday. 196 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:04,443 No! 197 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:05,611 No? Why the hell not? 198 00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:07,780 She's gonna go psychotic when she gets up there 199 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:10,282 And she sees that I have my own life now. 200 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,784 She's gonna rag on everything. 201 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,919 My school, my apartment, my roommate... 202 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,621 Yes, yes, she absolutely will. 203 00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:17,289 And every time she slams you, 204 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,791 You'll know she's suffering. 205 00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,626 And the only way your mother can deal with pain 206 00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,561 Is to spread it around. 207 00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:27,199 Why can't she just take it out on someone else? 208 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,234 Don't worry, she will. 209 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,305 She's gonna ruin this for me. 210 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,640 I'm the one that's going to school. 211 00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:37,109 This is supposed to be my big day, not hers. 212 00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:40,813 Darlene, Darlene, Darlene. 213 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:43,415 Where did you get a stupid idea like that? 214 00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,654 Look, honey... 215 00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:51,657 Don't go to your mom just 'cause I told you to. 216 00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,158 Go to her because she's your mother 217 00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:56,161 And because she's hurting. 218 00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:57,830 Because she's got too much pride 219 00:09:57,831 --> 00:10:00,099 To show you her feelings. 220 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,668 Well, that's it! 221 00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:05,004 We're gonna take you up there on saturday 222 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,839 And I don't give a flying crap 223 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,108 If you like it or not. 224 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,282 Or let her come to you. 225 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,028 ...Weather-strip the windows, 226 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:32,531 Spackle the ceiling, fix the bathroom door lock. 227 00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:35,034 Name the rats. 228 00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,703 Hang in there, champ. 229 00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:38,871 You know, you usually have to go 230 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:40,873 To a movie theater to find floors 231 00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:44,109 With this kind of texture. 232 00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:46,045 Darlene, would you come over here and help me 233 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,480 With this thing far away from your mother? 234 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,550 So what did Darlene say about me 235 00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:52,551 On the ride up here? 236 00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,586 She said nothing. She did too, Jackie. 237 00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:57,056 When me and Dan passed you on that interstate, 238 00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:58,724 I saw her with her face all scrunched up. 239 00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:00,125 She was doing me. 240 00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:02,494 She was not. She swallowed a bug. 241 00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:08,534 Socks go in the top drawer! 242 00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:09,968 Why? 243 00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,905 Because they just do. Says who? 244 00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:15,240 God! 245 00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,743 I need some help getting the rest of the stuff out of the car. 246 00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:19,078 Any volunteers, Darlene? 247 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,413 Ooh, dad, how subtle. 248 00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:22,748 Your hair is going out the door. 249 00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:25,417 You might want to follow. 250 00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:27,252 This is your last day together. 251 00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:28,587 You want to leave her like this? 252 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:32,024 Jackie, everyone on earth knows the sock rule! 253 00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:36,762 You are taking your daughter to college, Roseanne. 254 00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:38,297 You got what you wanted. 255 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,432 Yeah, but only because I made her. 256 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:41,967 She can't wait for me to get out of here. 257 00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:43,268 Well, you're making her miserable. 258 00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,404 Any sane person would want you out of here. 259 00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:48,774 You can say good-bye the right way 260 00:11:48,775 --> 00:11:51,777 Or you can say good-bye your way, 261 00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:53,812 But you're not going to get a second chance. 262 00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:55,614 [Dan] okay. 263 00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:56,882 That's the last of them. 264 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,884 [sighs] 265 00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:03,989 So this is it for windows, huh? 266 00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,224 Yeah, why? 267 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:09,962 Well, that's because too many windows can be bad. 268 00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,563 Why is that, Jackie? 269 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:16,301 Well, the birds... 270 00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:20,472 Birds can fly into the windows and die, and... 271 00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:21,740 Windows are very bad for birds. 272 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,813 Well, at least you got a pretty good view. 273 00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:31,383 I mean, there's a tree, there's some grass... 274 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:34,319 Where? 275 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,356 Underneath that dead guy. 276 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,991 Jackie, if you want to make that dinner shift, 277 00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:39,992 We got to leave now. 278 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,161 Okay. Aw, this is so cool. 279 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,830 I'm so proud of you. 280 00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:46,665 You know, someday I know that you're going to write 281 00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:48,667 This good-bye scene in one of your stories. 282 00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,669 So when you do, give me something really clever 283 00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,504 And really wise to say. 284 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:54,573 And maybe a bigger chest. 285 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,244 You got 'em. 286 00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:07,853 Oh, here's a credit card for emergencies. 287 00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:09,021 You can only use it once, 288 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,122 Because your grandma doesn't know we have it. 289 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:18,364 Got it. 290 00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:21,200 Oh, here's some pizza money. 291 00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:22,534 Always tip the delivery boy. 292 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,103 He is your friend. 293 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:25,270 Got it. 294 00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:32,044 Here's some blackhawk games money. 295 00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,446 Opening game, you and me. 296 00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:35,414 Deal. 297 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:40,886 Here's some dad money. 298 00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:42,855 Just spend it, okay? 299 00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,223 Okay. 300 00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,891 If you need anything, just call collect. 301 00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:48,560 And don't worry, every once in awhile 302 00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:50,496 I'll stuff D.J. in a hamper for you. 303 00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:53,465 Headfirst, dad. 304 00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:57,302 I'll follow as soon as I finish 305 00:13:57,303 --> 00:13:58,737 Getting her unpacked here. 306 00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:02,341 Drive safe and don't flip off anybody you can't outrun. 307 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:05,744 Bye. 308 00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:07,846 Hey, Jackie, you got any gas money? 309 00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:16,288 Okay, so where do you want me to put your underwear? 310 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,957 Bottom drawer with the socks. 311 00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,531 I'm just going to let you do it. 312 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:35,107 Well, I think we're done. 313 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:38,444 Well, we haven't made up your bed yet. 314 00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:39,678 I can do that. 315 00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:41,780 You can? 316 00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:44,817 Where did you learn to make your own bed? 317 00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:47,353 Picked it up on the street. 318 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:51,657 Well, i'll be damned. 319 00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:58,630 Okay, well, I guess i'll get going. 320 00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:04,470 I got a lot of important dishes to do. 321 00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:06,305 Boy, it's getting dark out there, isn't it? 322 00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:07,973 Look at that. It's clouding up. 323 00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,508 Do you think it might rain? 324 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:12,644 Yeah, I think it might rain. 325 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:15,981 Don't you have those really crappy windshield wipers on your car? 326 00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:17,649 Oh, not anymore. 327 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:18,984 I switched them. 328 00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:21,653 They're on the car your dad's driving now. 329 00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,555 Okay, good. 330 00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,858 Well... 331 00:15:25,859 --> 00:15:28,160 Well, you know, since it's late and all, 332 00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:31,030 You might want to crash here to avoid the rain. 333 00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:35,668 Oh, well, 334 00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:38,504 I never thought of that. 335 00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:41,340 Yeah, you know, it's up to you. 336 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:42,608 Whatever. 337 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,276 Oh, yeah, sure. Whatever. 338 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:47,946 Yeah, either way. Whatever. 339 00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:50,683 Yeah, you know, either way. 340 00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:52,685 I could go home or stay here. 341 00:15:52,686 --> 00:15:55,020 It doesn't matter to either one of us. 342 00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:57,022 Eh, you know, I don't know. 343 00:15:57,023 --> 00:15:58,357 Well, maybe i'll stay. 344 00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,491 Okay. 345 00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:03,629 All right, i'm going to go get ready for bed. 346 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:04,630 I'll be right back. 347 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,900 Well, i'll be here. Okay. 348 00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:14,807 Hey, the rain's waking up that dead guy. 349 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,815 Mom? Yeah? 350 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,484 So what do you really think of my apartment? 351 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:29,188 I really think it's cool. 352 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,789 You do not. 353 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:31,790 Yes, I do. 354 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,392 I'm jealous. 355 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:36,362 You're like the first Connor woman to ever have her own apartment. 356 00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,497 I wish I could be more excited about it. 357 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,065 Yeah, well, how come you're not? 358 00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:42,568 Because of that whole David thing? 359 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:43,736 Yeah, he hates me now. 360 00:16:43,737 --> 00:16:45,404 He wants to see other people. 361 00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:46,572 Oh, they always say that. 362 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:49,441 It's in the handbook. 363 00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,777 But what if he does see someone else? 364 00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:55,748 Oh, Darlene, David really cares about you a lot. 365 00:16:55,749 --> 00:17:00,519 Anyway, a boy that short doesn't have that many options. 366 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:08,694 Mom, there's something I kind of want to tell you. 367 00:17:12,766 --> 00:17:15,367 Okay, I kind of want to hear it. 368 00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:18,671 I slept with David. 369 00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,107 Oh. 370 00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:23,976 Are you mad? 371 00:17:23,977 --> 00:17:25,611 Mmm. 372 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:26,879 I don't know. Was I home? 373 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:33,952 No. Were you? 374 00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:37,289 Yeah. [sighs] 375 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,958 Well, jeez. 376 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:43,028 Big-time grown-up stuff, huh? 377 00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:45,798 Yeah. 378 00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:47,399 I was careful. 379 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,637 Yeah, well, I knew you would be. 380 00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,972 Are you disappointed in me? 381 00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:56,141 Mmm, no. Not really. 382 00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:57,509 I kind of knew all along anyway. 383 00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,812 I just sort of pretended I didn't 384 00:17:59,813 --> 00:18:01,413 So I could, you know, live. 385 00:18:03,817 --> 00:18:05,484 Well, how come it's so much harder 386 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:06,485 To break up with a guy 387 00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:07,920 After you've slept with him? 388 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:13,158 Well, because all human beings connect sex and love... 389 00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:14,426 Except for men. 390 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,166 Okay. 391 00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:24,603 Were you a virgin when you married dad? 392 00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,272 Yes, I was. 393 00:18:29,009 --> 00:18:30,576 Really? 394 00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:32,444 Absolutely. I still am. 395 00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:39,618 Oh, so you weren't. 396 00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:45,357 No, no. 397 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,526 Okay. No. 398 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:50,295 Wow, my mom's a big tramp. 399 00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:54,199 Don't get so excited, Darlene. 400 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,168 I did it with your dad. 401 00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:57,870 So dad's the only one you did it with 402 00:18:57,871 --> 00:18:58,971 Before you married him? 403 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,973 Of course. 404 00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:03,042 Yeah. 405 00:19:03,043 --> 00:19:06,645 Well, I guess-- yeah, yeah. 406 00:19:08,882 --> 00:19:11,016 I'd have to say yeah. 407 00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:12,618 Who else? 408 00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:14,186 I said yeah. 409 00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:16,355 Yeah, but you were totally lying. 410 00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:17,790 [Roseanne] well, no. 411 00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:20,993 According to the rules I have set in my own mind... 412 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:26,899 I'm am going to say no. 413 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,903 No, your father is the only one that counted. 414 00:19:30,904 --> 00:19:32,571 Hey, you can't do that. 415 00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,173 If you did it, it counts. 416 00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:37,009 Hey, i'll tell you whether it counts or not. 417 00:19:38,912 --> 00:19:43,916 So, did it count with David? 418 00:19:43,917 --> 00:19:46,418 Yeah. 419 00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:48,220 David counts. 420 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:51,256 Well, that's good. 421 00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:52,524 [sighs] 422 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:55,260 Thanks for staying, mom. 423 00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:57,596 This is the first time we've ever talked, 424 00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:00,599 You know, like friends. 425 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,034 [Roseanne] hmm. 426 00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:05,437 Yeah, well, we could be friends. 427 00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:07,606 Definitely. 428 00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:10,943 Yeah, that would be good if we'd be friends. 429 00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:13,445 You know, Darlene, 430 00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:15,614 Even if I was not your mother, 431 00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,549 I would still like to know you. 432 00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:42,241 433 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:49,748 Come on, honey, this bed ain't getting any warmer. 434 00:20:55,321 --> 00:20:58,691 You know, Dan, i'm a really good mom. 435 00:20:58,692 --> 00:20:59,692 No arguments here. 436 00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:00,826 No, no, no. 437 00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:02,995 I mean, like, a really, really good mom. 438 00:21:02,996 --> 00:21:04,663 Like top five, you know? 439 00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:08,100 Giving mary a run for her money. 440 00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:10,102 The haloed one has got nothing on you. 441 00:21:12,339 --> 00:21:14,840 And you don't suck as a dad. 442 00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:17,843 You're beautiful. You're horny. 443 00:21:17,844 --> 00:21:19,845 Get over here! 444 00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:21,513 Yee-hee-hee! 445 00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:23,349 Hee hee hee hee! 446 00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:24,683 Yee-hee! 447 00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:26,285 So you want to be ribbed or tickled tonight? 448 00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:35,527 Tonight let's not use nothing. 449 00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:37,796 You don't think our lovemaking's dangerous enough? 450 00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:42,368 I want another kid. 451 00:21:42,369 --> 00:21:44,770 What? 452 00:21:44,771 --> 00:21:48,874 Maybe the fourth time we'll get one of them worker kids, 453 00:21:48,875 --> 00:21:51,710 The kind that support you in your old age 454 00:21:51,711 --> 00:21:54,913 And avenge your death like in movies and stuff. 455 00:21:54,914 --> 00:21:57,850 Ah, a fictional child. 456 00:21:57,851 --> 00:21:59,885 I'm going to say this once, Dan, 457 00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:01,387 And tomorrow if you ask me, 458 00:22:01,388 --> 00:22:03,222 I might deny that I ever said it at all, 459 00:22:03,223 --> 00:22:06,892 But I like having kids. 460 00:22:06,893 --> 00:22:09,161 Our kids? 461 00:22:11,398 --> 00:22:13,732 Remember when Darlene was six and she took 462 00:22:13,733 --> 00:22:15,067 One of your unemployment checks 463 00:22:15,068 --> 00:22:16,568 To school for show and tell? 464 00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:19,071 Aw, come on. 465 00:22:19,072 --> 00:22:20,906 Honey, don't do this. 466 00:22:20,907 --> 00:22:22,908 And remember when Becky was eight 467 00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:24,076 And she was singing along with the radio 468 00:22:24,077 --> 00:22:25,077 Trying to act real cool, 469 00:22:25,078 --> 00:22:26,245 But she got all the words wrong. 470 00:22:26,246 --> 00:22:27,579 Remember? 471 00:22:27,580 --> 00:22:30,416 gypsies, chimpanzees 472 00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:32,251 we heard it from the people of the town 473 00:22:32,252 --> 00:22:33,752 they called us 474 00:22:33,753 --> 00:22:36,588 [both] gypsies chimpanzees 475 00:22:36,589 --> 00:22:39,591 and every night all the men would come around 476 00:22:39,592 --> 00:22:41,527 and lay the monkey down 477 00:22:45,932 --> 00:22:47,599 It's not like I haven't thought about this. 478 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:52,538 It's just you could be a lot more rational about it in 15 minutes. 479 00:22:55,275 --> 00:22:58,043 Okay, well, I can wait 15 minutes. 480 00:23:04,617 --> 00:23:05,617 What the hell. 481 00:23:05,618 --> 00:23:06,885 A fourth one won't kill me. 482 00:23:08,288 --> 00:23:09,555 Yee! Ha ha ha! 483 00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:11,390 Yee-hee-hee! 45789

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