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1
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,848
[D.J.]
mom!
2
00:00:15,915 --> 00:00:18,317
Mom, you have to sign
my math test.
3
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:20,452
No, not right now, D.J.
4
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,588
She said by tomorrow.
5
00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:26,892
God! Hasn't Darlene
taught you to forge
my signature yet?
6
00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:30,529
Okay, there.
7
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,031
I got a D.
8
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,967
Yeah, I know. I'm sure
you tried your best.
9
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,869
Jeez, i'm sorry, okay?
10
00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:39,772
It was one time.
Gimme a break.
11
00:00:39,839 --> 00:00:41,607
D.J., I gotta drive
aunt Jackie somewhere.
12
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:44,610
So I want you to go next door
over to the tildens'
and stay there,
13
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,378
And then when I get back,
if you want,
14
00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:48,981
I'll yell at you, okay?
15
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,282
Okay.
16
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:52,685
Darlene!
17
00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:54,153
This is weird.
18
00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:56,355
I hate going
to the emergency room.
19
00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:58,090
It reminds me of
the pussy willow.
20
00:00:58,158 --> 00:00:59,958
Remember the pussy willow,
Roseanne?
21
00:01:00,026 --> 00:01:03,429
All I said was
I wondered if it could
fit up your nose.
22
00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:06,065
You're the one that
crammed it up there.
23
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:11,303
Well, it was still
a really mean thing to do.
24
00:01:11,371 --> 00:01:13,639
I tried to get it out,
didn't I?
25
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:14,640
Yeah.
26
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:18,210
But you used a stick.
27
00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:21,080
Is everything okay?
28
00:01:21,147 --> 00:01:22,648
Jackie, could you go
start the car?
29
00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:24,750
I've gotta get my coat.
Yeah.
30
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,585
Here, take this
chicken, too.
31
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:29,621
We got barbeque sauce
in the glove box.
32
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:32,991
What's going on?
33
00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:36,095
I'm taking aunt Jackie
to the hospital.
34
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:39,131
Fisher hit her,
didn't he?
35
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:41,033
I'm not supposed
to tell you that.
36
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,102
Yeah, he did.
37
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:47,506
And now I need you
to do me a favor.
38
00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:49,074
Okay.
39
00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:52,177
Okay...We need milk.
40
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:55,180
And on your way,
could you swing by
the jail
41
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:57,716
And bail out your dad?
42
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,590
What?
43
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:14,860
[laughs]
44
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:34,680
True grit.
Huh?
45
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,882
49 down.
Here, man,
you can have it.
46
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,484
I was just--
I don't want
any problems.
47
00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:45,157
Hey, Dan.
Sorry it took so long.
48
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,692
They didn't have
any curly fries,
49
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,661
So I just got the regular.
Hope that's okay.
50
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,563
Thanks, buddy.
51
00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:53,432
You know, everybody feels
pretty bad about you, uh...
52
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:54,867
Having to be
in here and all.
53
00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:56,468
Yeah, I know.
Thanks.
54
00:03:56,536 --> 00:04:00,305
I appreciate
the extra care you showed
when you frisked me.
55
00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:02,474
Someone's here, Dan.
Says they know you.
56
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:03,509
Finally.
57
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,577
I'll go get started
on the paperwork.
58
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,758
Well, well, well.
59
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,432
Oh, man!
60
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:29,101
My, my, my, my, my.
61
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,270
What are you doing here?
62
00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:33,906
You know, i'll bet when you
imagined us in this situation,
63
00:04:33,973 --> 00:04:37,710
You always pictured yourself
on the other side of those bars.
64
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,278
Where's your mom?
65
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:42,081
Organizing
the candlelight vigil.
66
00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:44,316
Come on, Darlene. I don't
have time for this.
67
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,518
Oh, I think you do.
68
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:53,926
She took aunt Jackie
to the hospital,
69
00:04:53,993 --> 00:04:55,894
So i'm here to post bail.
70
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,331
But i'm a minor,
so that means I have to give
the money to the suspect...
71
00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:01,700
Which I guess
would be you.
72
00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,068
Give me the money.
73
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:04,737
All right,
but I want you to know
74
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:05,938
It's coming out
of your allowance.
75
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,473
Now!
76
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:10,776
Prison's hardened you.
77
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,912
Okay, now get in there
and tell Ray
to let me out of here.
78
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:14,913
Okay.
79
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,081
By the way, dad,
80
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,350
I think it was a really
cool thing that you did.
81
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:19,818
Thanks.
82
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:22,755
I guess I should prepare
you for all the things
that have changed
83
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:25,157
Since you've been
in the big house.
84
00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:31,363
Mom says we have
a new daddy now.
85
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,078
Morning.
86
00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:48,047
Where is everybody?
87
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:49,548
Mom went to
the supermarket
88
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:50,949
And jackie's
still sleeping.
89
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,918
The doctor gave her something
to knock her out.
90
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,119
What about D.J.?
91
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,156
I tried, but he wouldn't
swallow the pill.
92
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:02,261
Yoo-hoo!
Hey, Crystal.
93
00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:04,496
I came over as soon
as I heard the news.
94
00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:06,298
For my favorite inmate.
95
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,034
It's a cupcake with
a nail file baked in it.
96
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:10,002
Get it?
97
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,839
Yes, Crystal,
I understand.
98
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,375
Boy, this really
takes me back.
99
00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:18,977
There's a lot you don't know
about your father, Darlene.
100
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,313
Before he became
a responsible family man,
101
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,316
He was quite
the barroom brawler.
102
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:28,787
Yeah, didn't you also
used to design dresses
under the name "Coco"?
103
00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:32,024
[doorbell rings]
i'll get it.
104
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:34,259
So, Dan, word has it
on the street
105
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:36,428
You and Fisher got in a fight
over a poker game.
106
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:37,596
What did he do, cheat ya?
107
00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:40,866
Yeah, Crystal, that's
exactly what happened.
108
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,336
Hey! Jailbird!
109
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,672
So when's
visiting hours?
110
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,708
What is this, mayberry?
111
00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:51,543
Dan, we brought you
a little something
112
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:54,980
To help wile away
those lonely hours
in the slammer.
113
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:55,981
Hit it, Chuck.
114
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,217
[harmonica]
115
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:02,621
So what's the story, man?
116
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:05,090
I heard you took out
three guys in a bowling alley.
117
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,860
I thought it was
a poker game.
118
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:12,197
Well, Dan, according
to the people at buy & bag,
119
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,466
You went on
a drunken rampage,
120
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:18,270
Beat up six guys,
and took out a pay phone.
121
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:19,638
Hey, Roseanne.
122
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,273
We heard about dan's
little adventure.
123
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,342
You know, everybody's
talking about it.
Mm-hmm.
124
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:24,610
Well...
125
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:27,179
People have been
saying it for years.
126
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,815
But now, with Dan going
to jail and everything,
127
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:33,118
We are officially
poor white trash.
128
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:36,455
[harmonica]
129
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:46,465
Now all we need is
some little half-wit
130
00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:49,301
Sitting in the front
yard eating dirt.
131
00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:50,869
Hi!
132
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:55,007
Shut up, Darlene.
133
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:56,975
Hey, Jackie.
134
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,844
Man, what'd
they give me?
135
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:03,282
Whoa!
Has the living room
always been downstairs?
136
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,620
Now, don't you be
too hard on Dan.
137
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:09,955
The boys will
make up,
138
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,524
And Fisher won't
even remember what
Dan did to him.
139
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:13,592
Huh?
140
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:16,628
Dan beat up Fisher?
141
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:18,564
What?
142
00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:19,898
Dan, can I talk to you?
143
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:23,168
Jackie--
in the bedroom, now.
144
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,144
So what'd you do, Dan?
145
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,179
You went over there
and beat him up,
didn't you?
146
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:37,683
Only his face.
Oh! Dan!
147
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,018
What the hell
were you thinking?
148
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:40,552
You think you can
go over there
149
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,855
Like some neanderthal
that's gonna fix
everything?
150
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:45,224
You had no right
to do that.
No right at all.
151
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,760
You stupid jackass.
152
00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:52,364
I swear, Jackie,
I just went over there
to scare him a little bit
153
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,565
And things got
out of control.
154
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:55,834
Everything is
out of control now.
155
00:08:55,902 --> 00:09:01,206
It was really sweet
of you to go over there
and act like a big jerk!
156
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:05,110
How--how could you
do something that
stupid and immature...
157
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:06,812
For me?
158
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,551
Uh, i'm sorry,
Jackie, really.
159
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:15,054
It's just really
humiliating, though.
160
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:17,289
You know, because roseanne's
always handling my problems,
161
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:18,524
And now you.
162
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:20,225
Well, it's a big job.
163
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,127
We had to expand
the department.
164
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,129
Well, you're both fired.
165
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:26,231
It's just that now
everybody in town
166
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,168
Is gonna be
talking about this.
167
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,070
Hey, listen...
168
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,504
As far as everybody's
concerned,
169
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,174
Fisher is just one
of a zillion guys
I beat up last night.
170
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,842
Besides, people
got better things
to talk about
171
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,610
Than what goes on
in our lives.
172
00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:40,579
Dad, the paper's
on the phone.
173
00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:42,414
They need a picture
to run with the article.
174
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:44,883
Should I send the one of you
dressed as baby new year
175
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:48,120
Or do you just want them
to use your mug shot?
176
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,366
[doorbell rings]
177
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,468
I'm coming. I'm coming.
178
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,772
Yeah?
179
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,208
Oh, I thought Mrs. Conner
was gonna be here.
I'll come back later.
180
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,609
That's okay.
What do you need?
181
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:12,244
I'm here to collect
for the paper.
182
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,278
Didn't we just pay that?
183
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,814
Don't hit me.
184
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:16,949
No, no, really--
185
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,918
No, that's okay.
I'll come back later.
186
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:25,124
I'll be waitin' for ya!
187
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:29,661
Dad, if kids are supposed
to tell parents the truth,
188
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:32,264
How come parents don't
always tell kids the truth?
189
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,333
[sighs] sit down, pal.
190
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:39,672
I guess you probably heard
in school that I was in jail.
191
00:10:39,739 --> 00:10:41,707
And you're right,
I should have told you.
192
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,809
But sometimes...
193
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:44,977
See, stuff happens,
194
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:47,146
And your mom and I want
to protect you from it.
195
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,914
But you're right.
I shoulda been
honest with you.
196
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:52,117
You were in jail?
197
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,119
You didn't know?
198
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:56,088
What's all this stuff about
parents telling the truth?
199
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,424
I was just asking.
200
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:02,928
Well, I hope
I answered your question.
201
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,697
Why'd you go to jail?
202
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:10,069
You see, Deej,
what happened was
203
00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:12,871
I lost my temper
and I hit somebody,
204
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:15,741
And hitting somebody's
a very bad thing.
205
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,009
Who'd you hit?
206
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:18,844
It's not important
who I hit.
207
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:21,613
Yes, it is,
or you'd tell me.
208
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:24,717
It was Fisher.
209
00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:26,585
Why'd you hit him?
210
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:29,688
'cause he was mean
to your aunt Jackie...
211
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:31,223
In a way that's
much different
212
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:34,460
From the way your mom and
grandma are mean to her.
213
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:41,734
What'd he do?
214
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:43,736
He hit her, Deej.
215
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:45,571
So what I did
was sort of okay,
216
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:48,741
'cause the worst thing
you can ever do
is hit a woman.
217
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:50,709
How come you're not
supposed to hit girls
218
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:51,977
But it's okay
to hit guys?
219
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,178
Well, you see, Deej--
220
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:56,015
Rosie!
221
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:58,484
Um...Uh...
222
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,252
Okay, here's the deal.
223
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,055
It's not okay
to beat up anybody.
224
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,857
It's never okay
to beat up women.
225
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:07,760
But sometimes
it's less not okay
to beat up somebody
226
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,728
Who beats up somebody
you love.
227
00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:12,765
What if a woman beats up
somebody you love?
228
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:17,236
Are you at all
interested in hearing
where babies come from?
229
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:25,744
Hi, Roseanne.
Hi.
230
00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:28,447
Yeah. Moving day.
231
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,749
Well, I got some tape
and some rope,
232
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:32,718
So that takes care
of Fisher.
233
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:36,488
Uh, I wonder what
we need to pack with.
234
00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,590
I'm just gonna grab
some breakfast first.
235
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,893
Okay, well, hurry up.
We gotta get going.
236
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:44,329
I left a message
on your scum-sucking
ex-boyfriend's machine
237
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:47,533
That he better not
bring his bony ass over
to that apartment
238
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,734
While we're moving you out,
239
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:51,770
Or else i'm gonna
bash his skull in.
240
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:54,106
Only I said it mean.
241
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,211
Um, this isn't gonna work.
242
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,879
You know, these boxes
are too big.
243
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,181
'cause I need
small boxes...
244
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:03,248
For my breakables
and stuff.
245
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:04,917
I can't move
without small boxes.
246
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:08,153
Well, Jackie,
we'll be extra careful
247
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:12,458
With your priceless collection
of nfl juice glasses.
248
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:14,993
Sorry.
249
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,762
I just don't want my
breakables to get broken.
250
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,097
I need small boxes.
251
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:19,898
God, take a pill.
We'll manage.
252
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:22,401
Maybe this just isn't
the best day to do this,
253
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:25,471
You know,
'cause of the boxes
and everything.
254
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,474
Well, Jackie,
we can get more boxes.
255
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:32,044
I will whore myself in every
grocery store in this town
256
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:35,080
If that's what
it takes, okay?
257
00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:42,654
Look, everything's just
moving too damn fast.
258
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,123
Where you going with this?
259
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:45,958
I don't know.
It's just that yesterday
260
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:48,794
I was in love with Fisher,
and today, boom, i'm just
supposed to stop?
261
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:51,430
You got, Jackie.
Boom! Just like that.
262
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,198
Well, i'm sorry,
but I happen to believe
263
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:54,500
That maybe
there is a chance,
264
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:57,136
That he just might
need some counseling
or something.
265
00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:58,370
I can't believe you.
266
00:13:58,438 --> 00:13:59,938
You're all the time
making excuses
267
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,840
For people that
treat you like crap.
268
00:14:01,908 --> 00:14:05,344
God, you are the most gutless,
pathetic thing i've ever seen.
269
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:09,348
I know you're
just saying that 'cause
you're worried about me.
270
00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:11,717
See? There you go again.
271
00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:14,053
I'm being
totally insensitive,
272
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,954
And you're making
excuses for me.
273
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,289
God, you're such an idiot.
274
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,324
Why are you
attacking me?
275
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,393
Because i'm sick
of hearing this from you.
276
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,596
It's the same crap
you used to say
about dad when we were kids.
277
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:25,731
It's not the same thing!
278
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,399
It is too the same thing.
279
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,802
You can't have
a decent relationship
280
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,204
Because you're still
looking for the same kind
of relationship
281
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:33,839
That we had
as kids with dad.
282
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,774
What about you?
You grew up in
the same house?
283
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:39,578
Hey, I didn't say
I was healthy.
284
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:42,581
Obviously, I have some
unresolved anger.
285
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,850
We're so aware.
286
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:46,885
You know,
it's really easy
to see things clearly
287
00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:49,288
When you've been
married 20 years
to a guy like Dan.
288
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:50,889
Hey, I lucked out.
289
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:54,093
I had lots of boyfriends
before Dan that
treated me like crap,
290
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,629
And I kept on going back
because I didn't think
I deserved any better.
291
00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:59,898
But I learned my lesson,
and you didn't.
292
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:02,401
You are an amazing
and wonderful person,
Roseanne.
293
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,336
I wish we could
all be like you.
294
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,606
I wish we could all be
a happily married couple
295
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:11,410
Who each weighs
500 pounds!
296
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:24,656
All right, fine.
297
00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:27,292
I'll tell you what.
298
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,161
If you can go
to a mirror
299
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,096
And look at those
bruises all over
your back
300
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:34,099
And then tell me
that you still want
to go back to Fisher,
301
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:37,603
Well, i'll get in my car
and i'll drive you
over there to him myself.
302
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,206
No, you wouldn't.
303
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:44,810
Okay, I lied.
304
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:54,286
You're right.
God, do you know how much
time we could save
305
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:58,257
If you could just
keep that in your mind
as a given?
306
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,367
[chuckles]
it is so obvious.
307
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,269
Anybody with this many
self-help books
308
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:13,505
Has got to be
a very troubled person.
309
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:14,740
Here. Gimme 'em.
310
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:18,377
I'll put 'em in there
with your cookbooks.
311
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:21,046
Well, I think I about
got everything.
312
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,614
Have you got
a cord for this?
313
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:23,949
That's not mine.
That's fisher's.
314
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,984
[crash]
315
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,288
Hey, what about this?
Is this yours?
316
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,090
That's mine.
Damn.
317
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:33,559
You got anything else?
318
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:36,095
Uh, I just got
a few clothes in the bedroom.
319
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,896
Okay, i'll go in there
and get 'em,
320
00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:39,999
And then we can
burn the bed.
321
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:47,506
Hey.
322
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,609
What the hell are
you doing here?
323
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,077
I want--
I wanna talk to you.
324
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:54,346
Roseanne's in
the bedroom.
Get out of here.
325
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,582
I was worried about you.
Are you okay?
326
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:58,117
Yes. I'll be all right.
327
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,888
Jackie, what can I do
to show you how sorry I am?
328
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:06,725
Well, getting my
brother-in-law arrested
was a really good start.
329
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,460
Look, I already
dropped the charges.
330
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,029
I was angry.
I was confused.
331
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:11,597
The neighbors
called the police.
332
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,165
I didn't know
what to do.
333
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:15,067
You look terrible.
334
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,435
Thanks.
335
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,774
Jackie...
336
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:25,277
You remember how great
things were when you moved in?
337
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:26,645
Let's not throw
all that away.
338
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:29,481
Don't you think I want
things back to normal?
339
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,316
I thought I was gonna
move in here.
340
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,951
I thought we were
gonna get married.
341
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,655
Jackie, I think
I got everything.
342
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:39,692
Get out!
343
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,261
I came to talk to Jackie.
Get out!
344
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:44,129
Look, this is
between us, okay?
345
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:45,564
If you think
for one second
346
00:17:45,699 --> 00:17:47,132
That you
hurting my sister
347
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,734
Doesn't have everything
to do with me,
348
00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:50,569
Dan must have hit you
harder than I thought.
349
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:52,671
Roseanne,
I can handle it.
350
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:55,541
You know, I consider
myself a pretty good
judge of people,
351
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:59,578
And that's why I don't
like none of 'em.
352
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,213
But I liked you.
353
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,849
In fact, I pushed
Jackie to get back
together with you
354
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,818
After y'all broke up.
355
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:08,487
You just snuck right
under my radar, man,
356
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,956
And that just
pisses me off.
357
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:13,192
Roseanne, I know you're
upset with me,
358
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,594
But you gotta understand.
359
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:18,130
I really
hate myself for this.
360
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:21,467
Oh. That's good.
361
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:24,269
And I really hope
that you get your
life together.
362
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:25,604
But if you don't,
363
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,740
I hope the next
brother-in-law
kills you.
364
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:32,044
You say good-bye, Jackie.
365
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,445
Gimme a second.
366
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:36,281
She's an adult.
Maybe she doesn't wanna leave.
367
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:37,850
Maybe you should
stay out of this.
368
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,685
You have to let me
talk to him, Roseanne.
369
00:18:39,753 --> 00:18:41,353
You got nothing
to talk to him about.
370
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:44,590
Oh, god! Can't I
think for myself?
371
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,825
What, are you thinking
of staying with him?
372
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,027
Why don't you
just marry him
373
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:49,528
And then have a whole
bunch of kids
374
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:50,863
So he can smack them
around, too.
375
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:54,500
Hey! Look, i've just about
had it with you.
376
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,635
Now, i'm not gonna let you
screw this up for me.
377
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:58,303
Jackie understands me.
We can work this out.
378
00:18:58,371 --> 00:18:59,304
We've done it before.
379
00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:05,144
You mean this
happened before?
380
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:10,382
[Roseanne]
is that true, Jackie?
381
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,587
Okay, sorry.
382
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,222
I didn't realize that
383
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:20,626
This was the kind of
sick relationship
you were looking for.
384
00:19:20,694 --> 00:19:23,529
Maybe I was wrong to try
to help you get out of it.
385
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:24,863
I'll tell you what.
386
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:27,933
I'm gonna go downstairs
and sit in my car.
387
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,102
When you figure out
what it is you're gonna do,
388
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,904
You let me know.
389
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,976
[sighs]
well...
390
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:41,947
Maybe now we can
make some sense
out of this.
391
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:44,216
I think we just need
to be alone.
392
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:46,752
Yeah, we do.
393
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:48,954
'cause I don't want
Roseanne thinking
394
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:51,123
That she's the reason
why i'm leaving,
395
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,659
And I don't want you
thinking that either.
396
00:19:57,130 --> 00:19:58,197
Bye.
397
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:04,770
Let's go.
398
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,574
If you ever
come near her again,
399
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,275
You're gonna have
to deal with me,
400
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:14,313
And I am way more
dangerous than Dan.
401
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:16,582
I got a loose-meat
restaurant.
402
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:19,551
I know what to do
with the body.
403
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:28,394
Um...That's mine.
404
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:35,868
God!
405
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:38,070
I hate myself for that.
406
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:54,353
What?
Nothing.
407
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:55,921
No, really,
what's the matter?
408
00:20:55,989 --> 00:20:57,489
Nothing. I'm just
looking at you.
409
00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,358
Why?
410
00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:01,360
Because I was
sitting here thinking
411
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:03,028
How lucky I am
to have you.
412
00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:05,731
But now you're getting
on my nerves. So shut up!
413
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,400
Really? That's what
you were thinking?
414
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:09,468
Yeah.
415
00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:11,070
You know,
I was thinking
416
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:13,605
I could have done
way worse than you.
417
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:14,873
You're pretty cool.
418
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,742
Do you want me?
419
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:22,414
I've just washed.
420
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:23,849
I just said
you were cool.
421
00:21:23,917 --> 00:21:26,318
I didn't say I want
to do nothing.
422
00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:27,753
Fine.
423
00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:29,621
Oh, okay. Come here.
424
00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:32,791
No, no, no, no.
I'm not that easy.
425
00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:34,960
Tell me some more wonderful
things about myself.
426
00:21:35,028 --> 00:21:36,862
Start with my eyes.
427
00:21:36,930 --> 00:21:39,164
You wanna hear
all the things
I like about you?
428
00:21:39,232 --> 00:21:42,601
Uh...You picked me...
429
00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:48,407
And you fix stuff.
430
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:52,311
Good enough.
Let's get after it.
[clapping]
431
00:21:55,882 --> 00:21:58,751
432
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,122
[opening chords
to Jailhouse Rock]
433
00:22:06,860 --> 00:22:09,428
warden threw a party
in the county jail
434
00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:12,031
the prison band was there
and they began to wail
435
00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:14,266
the band was jumpin'
and the joint began to swing
436
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:17,002
you should have heard those
knocked out jailbirds sing
437
00:22:17,070 --> 00:22:18,771
let's rock
438
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,639
everybody let's rock
439
00:22:22,108 --> 00:22:24,443
everybody in
the whole cell block
440
00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:27,446
was dancin' to
the jailhouse rock
441
00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:29,848
number 47
said to number 3
442
00:22:29,916 --> 00:22:32,651
you the cutest jailbird
I ever did see
443
00:22:32,719 --> 00:22:35,154
i'd sure be delighted
with your company
444
00:22:35,221 --> 00:22:37,389
come on and do
the jailhouse rock with me
445
00:22:37,457 --> 00:22:39,291
let's rock
446
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:40,793
everybody let's rock
447
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:42,394
oh, yeah
448
00:22:42,462 --> 00:22:44,797
everybody in
the whole cell block
449
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,666
was dancin' to
the jailhouse rock
450
00:22:47,734 --> 00:22:50,102
dancin' to
the jailhouse rock
451
00:22:50,170 --> 00:22:51,770
dancin' to
the jailhouse rock
452
00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:54,807
well, we're dancin'
uh-huh, huh
453
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:57,509
to the jail
uh-huh, huh
454
00:22:57,577 --> 00:23:02,114
jailhouse rock
455
00:23:06,653 --> 00:23:08,220
[imitating elvis]
thank you very much.
44993
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