All language subtitles for Il Ritorno Di Cagliostro (2003) UK

From trade-union politics let's go
to the cultural page

In recent days, news broke about a
sensational discovery happened in Palermo

To find out more let's watch
the following report

our contributor Rosolino Pizzuto

let's watch the shot

It's an honour for me to have
a great poet like you dear Goethe

-The honour is all mine, dear Piazzi.
-Danke schoen!

In recent days they have found

some film spools of 'The return of Cagliostro'

a legendary film which for more than half
century ago they dreamt it existed

They were lying in a pile of junk

in a small second-hand
shop in Ballar�

A teacher found them by true coincidence,
his name being Ernesto Mascellaro

Professor, did you ever thought
that these spools contained

a film regarded as a cult
by every cinema-lover?

Frankly no.
I thought it was an amateur film

Instead?

Instead I consulted a friend
who is a cinema critic

Doctor Gregorio Napoli

who told me he made some research
and discovered that it's

the film 'The return of Cagliostro'

But have you ever heard about this film
and the old Sicilian cinema?

No. I think those names are so old
that anyone forgot about them

Obviously our pleasant professor doesn't
know that in Sicilia soon after

the Lumi�re invention were active
some cinematographic societies

Indeed for more than 30 years
between Palermo e Catania,

many films were made, outcome of the
efforts by men, artists and benefactors
who nurtured the dream

to make Sicily the capital
of Italian cinema

The film that you're going to see
tells the story of 'The return of Cagliostro'

and of the Sicilian cinematographic
society that produced it

This is our sincere tribute

to those pioneers of Sicilian cinema

whose name today fell into oblivion

Doctor Napoli?
I'm listening!

But how was the Sicialian cinema society born?

The name of Trinacria is striclty
linked to those who founded it

the brothers Carmelo e Salvatore La Marca

They were 2 craftmen specialized in
building sacred statues and furnishings

which they sold to churches

We are here, more than half a
century laterin their workshop

A decaying builiding left
in the deepest deterioration

Totally unknown today

There's also a small flock,
a flock of skimpy sheep

And I ask myself, I ask you

if these sheep can be taken

as the symbol of contemporary
Italian cinema

What do you think?

Napoli, but are you provoking?

Would you take it home?

Father, you're right, but I have
got nothing to do with it

It's useless getting angry at me,
I'm the least important person

Fuck, what is it bothering up your arse!

I'm doing the counting!
What's all this rackage?

To me you are all the same
It's a disgrace

He's tormenting me since 3 hours
I've got nothing to do with it

Ginetto! What's all this hubbub? Ginetto!

Uncle Tot�, you're right. But there's
a small problem with father Lo Bue

Can you come a minute?

Goodmorning father Lo Bue

Goodmorning my arse, uncle Tot�.
Do you call this goodmorning?

Ginetto, go back to work

What's wrong father Lo Bue?
All looks fine to me

Uncle Tot�, can't you see what's wrong?

No really

Put eyeglasses on

I don't see anything

Look better

I'm looking

- Carmelo!
- Coming!

Don't worry father Lo Bue,
I'll sorti it out

Take it

My brother Sal

Goodmorning gentlemen, can I be
of any service to you?

Carmelo, the statue

It's beautiful, it's very beautiful

Tell me something are you really a fool or
do you pretend it in order not to pay?

I'm sorry father Lo Bue,
without lacking in respect

say, but are you trying to provoke me?
I mean, just to understand!

I won't tell you what happened when we put it
in the courtyard of the parish youth club

What happened Mrs Vaccaro?
Miss, please

I beg your pardon, Miss

What happened was, Mr La Marca that
many young boys and girls laid

their innocent looks on this...
on this obscenity. That's what happened

Pardon me, I don't understand, say,
what's the problem?

Carmelo, this is the problem

You see, besides, after all,
it's all proportioneted

After all it's not a child.
It's a young man

This is true too, father Lo Bue

Anyway Mr La Marca, this is
not gonna end here

I will talk to father Vitellaro,
and however it ends it ends

Mrs Vacaro

Miss, father Lo Bue, Miss

Miss... Vaccaro

Alleluia, alleluia. The Lord is great,
The Lord is good. Alleluia

You're good

I say, have you got tram tickets
into your brain? Brother

You've got to be careful!

Carmelo

do you hear me? Carmelo

Tot�

fuck, she's so beautiful... I'd eat her

Carmeloo

Carmelo, it'd be wonderful if,

we could make a film
with someone like her

A dream

Goodday

To the cardinal sent me...
to the...Sucante

said... he has to speak it with you

Sucante (THE CARDINAL)

Cardinal... yes

has to speak with you...

has to speak with you immediately

Sucante

Who is this Cardinal?

The Cardinal has to speak with you,

can't speak us... has to speak
about you the Cardinal

immediately... thanks

thanks...thanks

sucato...

Com'in

I'm waiting for the Da Mancia
brothers... out

I am father Bernardo

I came to bring a song of hope

that I like a lot

thanks... thanks

Thanks

all right I got it.
Get the fuck off my face and let them in

thanks... thanks...thanks

-Of hope... thanks
-Go away!

-Please come on in!

It's a true pleasure to see
you again, your Eminence

I beg your pardon

And most of all to revere the beauty
and the grace of your mother

Yours servants

-Dear friends, I called you...
-MOTHER (fart)

-MOTHER (fart)

Out of the way, old scabby one

You know I like to stay
with you Vincenzino (little Vincenzo)

Don't you see I'm making a shawl
for you. Do you like it?

You are disgusting, and the shawl too

Your Eminence, there's only one mother

Dear friends I called you to
give you the Gospel

Finally today your dream becomes true

Thanks to the fraternal
commitment of these friends,

that I'm going to introduce you, the
cinematographic Trinacria is a reality

Tahnks... Eminence, thanks, Eminence
You are a true saint. Thanks

It's no me who you're supposed to thank but...

these very important and generous friends

The eminent honourable Porcaro,

Dott. Conigliaro, general
director of Bank of Sicily,

who granted you a big loan

to start the cinematographic Trinacria

I don't know who the other two are

You shouldn't thank us

We've invested in this company giving
the highest trust to Your Eminence,

rather, I say, Cardinal I'd
like to talk to you in private

with our friends' permission

Come along, Porcaro

Eminence?

Don't worry about it. What do you want to tell me?

Eminence, we always highly trusted you

but are you sure that these two are
able to run a film company?

Have you taken a good look?

Forget it, we are stubborn

Carmelo, Salvatore tell about
your idea to the honourable Porcaro

Eminence,

Honourable...it was always
our dream to make films

And making films in our land,
here, in our beautiful Sicily

And this sun, this sea, this light

nobody ever cared to really do it

Our motherland, enough now, enough

We Sicilians have got a pride
that nobody can take away

Eminence, all is well what ends well

Allow me, a quick one

The wolf has got his measure too.
Do you know what is it?

No!

A sheepy sky

Restivo?

-Yes, Eminence
-I'm vomiting

The debut opera film that starts the
Trinacria is 'The life of S. Rosalia'

directed by the good Ermete Patricola

A cineaste, who evolved making
films of different genre

About this film, made in 1947,
I keep a rare finding

A poster I'm gonna show you. Here you go

Congratulations, dott. Napoli.
It's really beautiful

Thanks S. Rosalia. I beg you to heal...
I'm feeling sick... everybody...

Stop

Well done. An applause to everybody,

operator, film, videocamera,
machinist, sound

Really good

And with a voice, say,
full of emotion

I guarantee you, with the birth of
the cinematographic Trinacria

Cinecitt� will be scared

Bravo!

Thank you, thanks. The La Marca brothers,
here present, guarantee you, assure you,

with the help of Cardinal Sucato,
his Eminence,

that we'll be second to none

Hurray the Trinacria!

Bless!

Hurray to S. Rosalia. Hurray

I've got with me, an article printed
on the daily paper "L'Ora" dated 15/10/1947

Do you know what it says?

No really

Here, I'll tell you. Trinacria disappointing.
A failure

I ask myself, what's the need of
resuming such dirty things?

They've got nothing to do with cinema

Dear Saint! Palermo is scourged by the plague

Our city. What are we supposed to do?

What do we have to do?

Hunter, go to Palermo and
bring the cardinal here

Take these bones to heal all Palermo

I'm going, I'm going

Go away!

S. Rosalia grant me a favour

Long live Palermo and S. Rosalia

S. Rosalia grant a favour
to me and all my family

I've got one only child, a soldier,
who went to war. Let him come back alive

Thank you my saint, thank you
Thank you my saint, thank you

You granted me this favour, to me
and to all my family, to all Palermo

My dear saint, you granted a favour
to my children. Thank you my dear saint

People of Palermo, quiet.
Go home 'cause I granted a miracle

Eminence, let me tell you
that I'm speechless

Honourable Porcaro, what do you mean?

Can't you see it's a masterpiece?

...piece

Eminence, I beg your pardon,
a true example of surreal cinema

My cute son, my cute son.
My cute son

Shut up!

Restivo?

Yes, your Eminence

What were you saying?

Surreal, your Eminence

Surreal my cock

And don't forget to bring the
La Marca brothers tomorrow morning

Did you understand?

Dott. Conigliaro, you are the son of the
then general director of Bank of Sicily

Giacomo Conigliaro. We can say
that your father contributed

decisively to the birth of the
cinematographic Trinacria?

I've got to tell you that for many years in
my house, the production of the so called film

'The life of S. Rosalia' was
a cause of general dread

Can we say that your father soon
regreted about that financing?

I can tell you more, I still see
my dad's good soul telling me

how deeply disgusted he was watching that film

Really?

Yes, he, until the last days of his life
felt ashamed for having contributed

decisively, unfortunately,
to the birth of this Trinacria

Madam, did your husband use to make films?

He used to make films but he suffered
a lot for his passion toward cinema

and he went through bad times

And then he made the life of S. Rosalia

He made the life of S. Rosalia. Don't
remind me 'cause it hurts too much

And how did the film go?

He made the film with great devotion

But nobody appreciated it

and he suffered so much and the
Cardinal too gave him so much pain

that he got unwell and
died of a broken heart

You've got to go

And why do I have to go?

I've got one son only, in America.
Go away! Where are you my son?

Fuck, it's disgusting, uncle Pietro,
we want the ticket money back

What's your name, child?

Gregorio

Do you like the film?

Nice

Would you like a candy?

Fuck off

Have you ever heard about the Count
of Cagliostro who was born around here?

No

Never heard?

There's a house bearing his name, to
his memory. Don't you know him?

Do you know where is Cagliostro's house?

Go further down

A bit further. Thank you very much

After many reserves, we arrived
at the house where in 1743

the count of Cagliostro was born

Napoli?

Tell me

How come the La Marcas after
a countless series of flops

made the Cagliostro's project?

Actually, it's difficult going
back to the origin of 'The return of Cagliostro'

I can only venture an hypothesis

Go ahead

Probably they were struck,
enchantered by the film 'Cagliostro'

directed in 1949 by a Russian
cineaste, Gregory Ratoff

And played?

and played by a corrupt, sulphureous,
and unparalled Orson Welles

The pain you're feeling will last a little
bit long, you feel it's vanishing already

Now you feel the pain going away,
tell me that you feel the pain going away

I have to declare beforehand that everything
said, published, assumed until now

about this event is highly
approximate and inaccurate

I can tell you that it was crucial the
intervention of a person unknown by historians

The baron Cammarata

A man extremely fond of esotericism,
magical arts, who intended

to revalue the character of Cagliostro,
vilified with the character played by Orson Wellles

Are we joking, Ginetto?
This company is 100 years old

and a filth like this was never made

This is not the Madonna, Ginetto.
This is Tarzan's monkey

Uncle Tot�, you hurt me in
my intimacy. This is my mother

Your mother? Tarzan's monkey?
Are you drunk, Ginetto?

Your brother told me to make the
sorrow face of Madonna

He says it's the new realism

It's... the new realism, Ginetto.

My mother, uncle Tot�, is lying on a bed
since two years without being able to move

Your brother told me: copy your
mother's face and fit it to Madonna

Not only I make things as you comand
but I also have to take scorn

Therefore my mother looks like Tarzan's monkey?

Uncle Tot�

Ginetto?
Chief

Go to work

We kiss your hands (goodbye)

You're right father Camarda
Fuck she's really ugly!

Since we've put it near the altar
the church is empty. Nobody is coming

Surely

Tot�?

Carmelo, camorria!

Tot�, my brother, 'the uncle from America'

the great success announced by
Trinacria at Vittoria cinema

from the public request

after two day it was taken away

After two days?

And viewers?

-Fifty?
-Five

Whom four were invited

And the other one was sleeping as usual

Tot�, I've got to tell you:
The uncle of this big...

Carmelo! Father Camarda is here

Some dignity!

But father Camarda is part of the family

Do you know what's it like to
pawn even the nails on the walls!

Tot�, today we did tombola

Goodmorning

I have to talk him,
the Mr. Cardinal to Sucando

You've got to talk to
Mr. Ennio Cammarata, the baron

Your Eminence, do you know the
difference between a tyre and a woman?

Get away, useless thing

I summoned you to introduce my
friend, the Baron

Cammarata. The greatest expert

about the Count of Callosto

Cagliostro, Eminence... Cagliostro

All right, it's the same thing

The man who will save the Trinacria

that is, Eminence

that is your arse!

At this point of the story, the La Marcas
received a great responsibility

They had to find a director up
to the task. Who did they choose?

The choice went for Pino Grisanti.
An honest artisan who was working for

the Zagara film, competing against Trinacria

Grisanti's leitmotif was without
a doubt: "The invincible blessed Pauls"

loosely based on Luigi Natoli's novel

It's interesting because it shows a
secret Palermo, an underground Palermo

a Palermo loaded with those misteries,
that develop later through the years

which maybe afflict the Sicilian
capital even today.

How can it be possible to call
Pino Grisanti a director?

Try to watch, if you manage,
"The invincible blessed Pauls"

Duke della Motta, you'll pay
for your faults!

Duke, are you ready to repent?

Ah, ah, coward, I'm not scared of you.
I'm not afraid of someone who hides

what do you mean?

Show your snouts if you dare

They even say that Natoli's
descendents wanted to sue Grisanti

and the Zagara Film like the press
at that time shows

The poetess Antonietta Scalisi Bonetti
is the only authoress, known around

who dedicated a monograph about
the director Pino Grisanti. Poetess?

How can I help!

How come did you devote a
great deal of your life

about studying this Sicilian director??

Because I was always fascinated

by this great creative genius

A person, I'd say a personality...

Would you know if Grisanti left a
preliminary work for the film?

Neither me nor anyone else, as long as I know,
found any trace of a film-script,

screenplay, rough draft or
whatever. Nothing

However, however, witnesses
at that time seem to say

that for the whole month prior
the shooting of the film

both the La Marca brothers and the director
Grisanti attended assiduously, by night,

the Baron Cammarata's house

Fucking lightning!

Watch out for the thunder

You should know, gentlemen,
that I devoted my entire life

to the study of the occult
and to the exoteric sciences

Exo?

Terics

Things of science, Carmelo

Fondamental things. And at the end
of this long and hard path

of studying and reseaching
to which I devoted my best years

I met him

Him who?

I beg your pardon, I'm very nervous

Him who?

The master. He who with his powerful
occult arts, more than anyone else,

more than the same Merlin,
got near the Prime Mover

Fuck, what kind of bollocks

Sorry?

Nothing Mr. Baron

I was saying that this Prime Mover
was irresistibly fascinating

Well, fascinating yes, but, if you
allow me Mr. Baron, a bit difficult

Surely gentlemen, I forgot
that you are filmakers

And that's why I searched for you,in order
that, through the magic of the big screen

also the mob can know the
infinite virtues of the Count

And honour him in the world without end

-Amen
-Amen

I've got to tell you gentlemen,
that in order for staging this film

I sold everything I owned
without any second thought

May I say, Mr. Baron, you are an hero

And we will do everything possible
to make sure this film becomes

a masterpiece that the world
will remember forever

Tot� don't move

I'm here, Carmelo.

I was sure I could count on you friends

Polifemo, Polifemo

Fucking hell, what a monster

Who are these 3 pieces of shit.
Throw them out 'cause they stink

Ehi! Baron. I'll break your horns.
Cockholded and rotten

Carmelo! Dont' you understand
he's possessed by the spirit

What spirit?

The spirit of Cagliostro

I'm going away. He's bonkers

Throw blood from your horns,
son of a bitch

Sit down idiot. He has to give us
the money. Do you understand?

The both of you disgust me

Aye, you're nice instead! Look
into the mirror, dog face

One thing is sure gentlemen

We should find an actor

up to the task

A true star

Do you have someone in your mind already?

In the past days the famous American star
Erroll Douglas, arrived in Sicily

He was welcomed by the producers
Carmelo and Salvatore La Marca

from the Trinacria and the director
Pino Grisanti, the 3 of them major

figures of the reviving Sicilian cinema

Douglas was accompanied by his wife,
the charming dancer Elisabeth Burnett

Erroll Douglas will stay a few weeks in
the sunny island to interpret the part

of the legendary Cagliostro, character
shown on the big screen last year already

by the colleague Orson Welles

Obviously there were also the
admirers of the unforgettable

hero of 'The Alamo', crowded
around the actor

for the due autograph

The first shot of 'The return of Cagliostro',
this is the film title,

was made in front

the most important Sicilian authorities
and blessed by His Eminence

the cardinal Vincenzo Sucato,
Archibishop of Palermo

There were many actors that the director
Grisanti picked up from the streets

What do these likable people
expect from the cinema?

That I, today, tomorrow, may become
a great actor and go to Rome

Burt Lancaster, Kirk Douglas...

I am happy to work with the Trinacria

And while the maestro stays apart
thinking about the next shot

the star doesn't hide his enthusiasm

Best wishes to the future Hollywood
and the Conca d'oro (Palermo's Valley)

Erroll Douglas was one of
Hollywood most versatile actors

He had a fantastic careear
playing the most diverse roles

from noir to horror up
to William Shakespeare

Erroll Douglas landing in Palermo,
in the Holy Year,

is a man irreparably
heading on the decline

Only the whisky bottle is left
as his only faithful partner

But Hollywood wasn't cruel
with its drunken sons

nor his friend Robert Siodmak,
kicked him up his arse

sent them to scrap in Italy

Erroll's manager, Vincent Cusumano, scraped
up for him small roles in minor films

The American B series
becomes Z series in Italy

Erroll, I'd like to introduce
you to these friends

They want to make a little
Sicilian Hoollywood

Mr Vincent, what did he tell us?

That it's a very beautiful thing
and that it'll have a great success

Carmelo...

In late spring of 1950, Pino
Grisanti started the making of

'The return of Cagliostro'

With great excitement and some
pride I'd like to show you

the costume fittings of Erroll Douglas
and some auditions by actors from Palermo

picked up from the streets, who
participated to the making of the film

Erroll Douglas' auditions

Giordano Carlo's audition

The poetry I'm gonna to recite is by Giacomo
Leopardi. The title is "To the moon"

Oh sweet moon, I remember
now that last year...

-Granny, what a beautiful eyes you've got
-To look better at you

-What a nice little nose you've got
-To smell you better

-Granny what a big mouth you've got!
-Didn't you look at granpa's cock?

Good evening. I'm Wolfgang Goethe

Mrs Burnett, what memories do you have about your
staying in Palermo with Erroll Douglas, your husband?

I remember very well. How could I forget
that trip, it was incredible. I remember...

those strange people, their strange way
of living and those unuasual places

In fact I was so struck that
with my small videocamera,

I decided to film people,

places and, obviously, Erroll

I still keep the film in a safe
place because it represents a very

important and unusual part of my life

The set was unbeliavable, the people
were incredible. I could not understand

how people so incompetent could
manage to make a film

The director, his name was Grisanti,
was bonkers! He was completely mad

There were the producers then,
or so called producers

They were two brothers, La Marca

They had no idea how to make a film

I never saw anything to resemble this in America

My husband Erroll was obviously disheartened
by all of that because he was used to work

with people who were real professionals

He was at the top of the tree

and it was humiliating for him being
directed by someone like Grisanti

Clearly Erroll was very depressed
and I have to admit I was too

I feel that the situation in Palermo
speeded up the end of our marriage

We've had...

our problems in the past,
Erroll was drinking a bit

and we weren't very happy

but the circumstance we found

ourselves in Palermo made things worse
and Erroll started drinking heavily

and becoming ever more unhappy

and I really feel that was the
beginning of the end of our marriage

The scene you're gonna see is set in
the famous villa of monsters in Bagheria

so called for the bizarre sculptures from
1700, placed outside the villa

by its owner, the prince of Palagonia

In here Grisanti pictures with audacious
imagination that Cagliostro meets the great

German poet Goethe and other renowed
characters from Palermo, to propose to them

an incredible experiment
From "The return of Cagliostro" 1950

Do the gentlemen wish something?

No nothing, thanks Battista

As you wish

And yet it's like so, count of Cagliostro

For example?

They'd say what half of Europe says

That you are a swindler

Who dared waking us up
from our eternal sleep?

For this reason you will all die

We'll suck your blood

I'm scared, Count

You're a piece of shit

Miss Burnett, since the
situation was so dramatic

how come Douglas did not
want to go back to America?

I've asked myself the same question
many times without finding an answer

Often my husband used to say 'Liz, pack
the lugguage, we're going back to America'

I was going to prepare the lugguage

and then nothing happened,
we never left

Danke schoen, herr Cagliostro

I beg your pardon Count, but what
could happen if we'd make a mistake?

Piazzi, you are a scientist. What do you
think is it going to happen? Absolutely nothing

aaahhhh...

I am the mummy of Tutankan
Damned you!

How dare you waking me from my eternal
sleep? You will all die for this

You will all die!

ahhhh...ahhh

I don't understand what you're talking about

No good, I don't understand

What don't you understand, idiot.
Go back to America

Pino?

They come here to break our balls

Oh! There's smoke, I can't
breath in here Go to work

Another moron coming to bust the balls

Mr Douglas, will you please?
At your disposal

What happened?

Nothing happened

Is everything ok?

Surely in this film Erroll
Douglas was forced

to perform for freaks,
shrimps and monsters

No monsters in the meaning
of the hollywoodian ones

actors of the same calibre of
George Raft or Barbara Stanwyck

whom with Douglas worked
at the peak of his success

The tragicomic apex of this cast
is reached in the scene of the carriage

where Pino Grisanti chosen
to substitute Douglas

to play the part of the astrophysicist
Piazzi, such Carlo Giordano

An actor literally able to
talk only nonsense

Look outside, sponger

Tell me, what's so adventurous in
going in the middle of the night to cave

number 845 of one 485, 360, that everyone
calls incorrectly witch?

My dear Count...465, 865, 885, 750, 455...
intellectual and spiritual may 850...

Shut up, incoherent

Nothing...450... nothing
We've got to do it again

Goodday

Goodday, how can I help?

I'm sorry, we're looking for a patient

Where can we find him?

You can find him in the nurse's room,
ask over there, and they'll tell you

-Thanks
-You're welcome

-Godday
-Godday

Listen, we're looking for an
American patient, Mister Douglas

Please

-Who is it?
-The actor

Ah! The actor?

The one who is always locked in
his room and never wants to go out

The one who always shouts

Yes, he always shouts. He's unbearable

Listen, where can we find him?

There's the manager

Story goes that he's ospitalized
in a psychiatric hospital in 1951

following a psychomotor
agitation due to a commotion

in an alcoholic individual

Douglas was a person inclined
to isolate himself

and to place himself in rooms' corners

Yet he was going around with an old wig
trying to hypnotize, making tricks

all over the psychiatric hospital

Managing such a patient
is also very difficult

Bear in mind that he's very old

He's also got dementia symptoms

Therefore he can't control his impulses

and can become aggressive against
himself and against other patients

We manage him with great difficulty
and we are not able to engage

Mr Douglas, do you hear me?

Come out

There are the guys from the tv

It was fault of that damned set

I can't tell you anything

about the incident 'cause I left
to the States a few days before

the situation was driving me crazy
and I was gonna have a nervous breakdown

aaahhhhh

Stop rolling

What happened?

He's all broken!

Pasquale, stop everything

To your service, professor

Let me get upstairs, 'cause
these ones are all lost

Sometimes destiny can be
particularly cruel toward men

keeping for them a nasty
fate, no doubt that

the poor Erroll Douglas
was one of those men

I'd like that you'd put aside
the story told up to now

and would listen another one

A story maybe less heroic and adventurous
but probably closer to the truth

and most of all more informative
regarding the human nature

The time when the Trinacria made
its films was a mysterious

and dark period for Sicily

Those were the years of separatism
and of Giuliano's banditry

and most of all of the renewed harmony
between the Sicilian Cosa Nostra

and the American Cosa Nostra

The author, the mastermind of
such a great work

was the greatest genius
of organized crime

Salvatore Lucania

He doesn't ring a bell, doesn't he?
And you are right

Because the whole world knows him
by the name of Lucky Luciano

Well then, to sum up

First: behind the Trinacria
there was Lucky Luciano

Second: Luciano's righthand was
the enlightned Cardinal Sucato

who with his powerful connections assured
any kind of support for the Trinacria

Third: also the La Marca brothers,
as strange it may seem

were men of honour since 1937

Fourth: the same goes for the genius
of Sicilian cinema Pino Grisanti

A paranoic with persecution mania
who was never a man of honour though

Fifth: here is Vincent Cusumano
Erroll Douglas' manager

The man who brought to Sicily the ex
hollywood divo, ruining him forever

John Cusumano's nephew, trusted
deputy of Luciano, Vincent

owned more than just a favor to his powerful
boss who, in various occasions helped him

to come out of bad situations
linked to his gambling debts

I repeat it, sometimes destiny is
particularly cruel against some men

When in autumn 1949, Cusumano
took Erroll Douglas to Luciano

in his magnificent house, Erroll
could have never imagined

that day would have been for him
the beginning of his end

This way

Cuckolded

It's truly admirable the zeal
with which those two are preparing

Mr Douglas' ruin

Rolling

81-1 first

Action

A few more seconds, and our hero,the
powerful Cagliostro will break right here

aaahhhhh...

Mr Douglas, have you broken anything?
Do you need help?

Cuckold, let's take him to the hospital

Mamma mia! I feel sorry for him

Mr Douglas, how are you? Did you hurt yourself?
Shall we take him to the hospital?

Shall we take him to the hospital?

Human imbecility makes more victims
than the Messina's earthquake

You're right. It' just like that

Madonna of Carmine.
I've got to really change barber

Peppino, total turn

Let's see together how
this bad story ends

The fall was really bad

The most powerful magician
in Europe is all broken

Poor thing, how much he suffers

But he's lucky in disgrace though

Are you kidding him?

I'm telling the truth

Because if he'd know what's
happeing over there

his suffering would be much worse

Be aware yourselves how miserable and vultures

the so called human beings are

Maestro Grisanti,

the genious of Trinacria

Tot�, oh my brother, I'll tell you
more, the Vittorio de Sica

of my cock

Will you shut up 'cause you're making my
brain rot. You've got to calm down

Ah! Have I? This thief and
pimp ruined my life

and I'm supposed to calm down

Do you know when I calm down?
As soon as I'll eat his throat

Piece of shit

Pour blood out of your horns, idiot

Your stock is foolish

Who the fuck is this Cagliostro?

Fuck, but where are we, among the Mao Mao?

And you, do you think to be
smarter than him?

Poor thing, he woke him up
with all this shouting

He's throwing out his soul
Doesn't he make pity?

Him pity? And now that his
godfather comes and bugger us

None would feel sorry fur us? Ain'it?
No, because the arse is ours

Gentlemen, I'd have a suggestion

Let's be clear
my horse is lamed...

Sorry, what horse are you talking about?

The American donkey, half-wit

I'll make you swallow the toupee
idiot from the war

Will you shut up and let him talk?

please...

Thank you. As it is now
I don't have any use of him

What a shame

Life goes on. But he had the misfortune
of meeting three bunglers like you

Vincent, easy, Eh!

I call people with their real names

But I can give you the chance
to save your arse

How?

Simple! It'll be me who will tell
my godfather, my godfather...

Mr Luciano?

Yeah!

A saint of a man

I was saying I'll tell him
personally how things went

I'll tell him that poor Erroll, more
pissed than ever, fell off the window

during a break. He'll believe me

Thanks, Vic�, thank you.
Thanks from the bottom of my heart. Thanks

Mr Vincent, forgive me
if I judged you wrongly

Dickheads both of you
Didn't you understand what his point is?

A cuckhold (man of shit)

But sharper than you both

And who's got it?

Uncle Vincenzo, we haven't
even got eyes left to cry

500... dollars?

50.000 dollars!

We might as well go directly to
Uncle Luciano. Dead for dead...

That's your buisness. It's me who's risking

What then?

All right, what can we do?

Ok! But you are a bit heavy, Mr. Vincent

Will you tell me who is this
cuckhold of Cagliostro?

Santino don't let anyone disturbing us,
I urge you

Today we are only for the present friends

What's wrong Vincenzo, don't you like it?
When have you ever refused spaghetti with tomato?

What's wrong? Are you feeling ill?
Is anything bothering you?

Talk to your friends

Nothing don Salvatore. All is fine.
I'm not hungry. There's no problem

How can you eat uncle Tot�?

After a dear friend suffered
a bad accident

how can he eat? His stomach is blocked.
Isn't it true Vincenzo?

Certainly a friend is like a great treasure

You've got to protect and look after him

Without any distraction ever

Let's have a toast in the meantime. Cheers Vic�

Surely a lunch a bit heavy for Mr Cusumano

Unfortunately also on the idyll between
Sucato and the Lumi�re of Sicilian cinema

the curtain are about to falls

A bit of patience, cinema is tiring

ln nomine Patri, fili et spiritu santi

What are your sins my son?

Out of the way

Father, I want to get rid of
a terrible secret

What's this stink?

It smells like goat's?

Yeah, it's unbearable

I can't get rid of you.
Don't worry, carry on

The American got badly hurt

Is he dead?

No, but he's all broken

Whose fault?

It's La Marca's, who else?

And you've got nothing to do with it?

Me? I'm innocent like a little lamb

-Pin�?
-Eh?

What did you come for?

I'd like you could talk to the "friends"

letting them know that I've
nothing to do with what happened

You want to save your arse? Don't you?

It's human, His Eminence. And I promise
if you grant me the favour I'll go
on pilgrimage to S. Rosalia

Vincenzino do him that favor
Don't be always bad

Get out damned oldie, I can't
stand you 'cause you stink

Restivo?

Out of the way

Did you like Grisanti's joke?

If you allow me, Eminence,
I found it a bit tasteless

Pin�? Padre Restivo thinks that
your story is a bit tasteless

-Taste?
-Less

Get your arm off my head

Pin� there's nothing to do

Mamma mia, what horrible carts

Poor fools, they don't know
that their Vincent Cusumano

the favourite of the powerful Lucky
Luciano won't be able to help them

And they will wait, and wait

will wait

Carmelo, there's something going around me

Tot�, what is it going around you?

My cock is going around

American, I and my brother are sorry

I and my brother are two shits
but we've got to leave you here

If we don't do it they're gonna
make our arse like a mountain
(heavy beatings)

I'm going Pippino. Goodbye

I'm sorry Excellence if I'm coming
to disturb you in such a happy moment

You can't dance

What are you saying my son

You can't dance, you look like a dead pussycat

What are you talking about my son?

that you are disgusting

Eminence

How can I help Baron?

Eminence, I'd like to ask if you
know anything about the film shooting

I haven't seen any of La marca's brothers

What film are you talking about?

What do you mean, Eminence, what film?

The film about Cagliostro

The film I financed and that
you standed as a guarantor

Restivo! What film is he talking about?

Baron, don't bust my balls

What are you saying my son?

Shut up shity bitch

Poor baron, he doesn't know yet
that his money went completely lost

Poor baron cheated by these swindlers

Pretty soon he'll be locked into a
madhouse by a greedy nephew

And he'll die broken and totally mad

After all the enlightned and noble
cardinal Sucato won't survive long

the unlucky Cammarata

Well dear friends, here ends
the tragic story

of Trinacria and the men who
were involved in it

Men who were, without a doubt,
incapable, incompetent

and almost always true rogues

In spite of all of that, I feel
particularly sorry for these men

I'll tell you more, even liking
Why?

Frankly I wouldn't know how to answer you

Who knows, maybe because loosers
give us a sort of attraction

A sense of pity

Who can tell how human soul works

Ah! I forgot, and the La Marca brothers?

Nobody knew anything

I think that since a while
they went high, very high

Where they eventually produce
succesfull films

Maybe

They know how miracolous they are

Ah, maestro, we forgot. There'd be
a minor independent producer

who would like to retake the
filming of 'The return of Cagliostro'

would you be interested by any chance?