All language subtitles for Hotel Babylon s03e06.eg

Previously on Hotel Babylon.

- Welcome back, Mr Hutchinson.
- Good to be back, Mr Edwards.

Come work with me.

Charlie, it is time to do something
for yourself.

- I think you should take it.
- Take what?

Hutch's job.

He's not bad. We'll be in safe hands.

You're in way over your head.

First, they're gonna come after you
and then they're gonna come after me.

I won't mess it up again
if you give me another chance.

- I need you and I want to be with you.
- I'm sorry.

Babylon's a special place.
I feel I've spent half my life here.

- I'm sorry, what are you saying?
- You're leaving, too, aren't you?

Yes.

It doesn't matter who we are
or where we come from...

...nothing really prepares staff.

...for the experience of working
in a five-star hotel.

We never know who's gonna spin
through that door...

...and what you might ask of us.

It's a bit like being an actor.

There's so many different roles
we have to play.

Sometimes you need us to be a magician.

Front row, dress circle.

Thanks!

And sometimes you need us
to be a fashion consultant.

The black. Definitely the black.

We need to be part conman.

...and part showman.

This is a lovely Burgundy, vintage 1926.

It was once owned by
Her Majesty's, the Queen of England.

We have to learn to be adaptable,
to switch from one role to another...

...in an instant.

We're your garrulous drinking buddy...

But I love her. I do. I really love her.

...your marriage guidance counsellor...

So talk to her. Tell her how you feel.

Stop shagging your PA.

...and your nursemaid.

We're everything you need us to be
at any given moment.

Hold me, Mummy.

Although some roles
are beyond the call of duty...

...these skills can't be taught
or learnt from a training manual.

It doesn't matter whether you've got
10 GCSEs, a BSc. And an MBA.

We've learnt the hard way,
through experience.

If a member of staff's promoted
to general manager.

...before they've had a chance
to get that experience...

...they'd better learn fast.

'Cause you just know
when you're looking at the one.

And you feel it in your fingers.
And you feel it in your toes.

My toes are telling me
I'm looking at her right now.

Cut!

Katie, that was great. It was fantastic.

- Why are you staring at Tom's forehead?
- Exactly.

You know, I think
there's Botox leaking out of it.

Bitch! Such a bitch.

Simon, can we please do something
about Katie's breath?

- Rob.
- Can we fly in some mints for Katie?

Or a fire extinguisher?

I'm just saying what I read.
It's all over the Internet.

Right, I'll be in my suite.

Okay, let's take five, everyone,
then set up for the wide, please.

Thank you.

So I would like each of you to take
on board my own personal mantra...

"The customer is always right. "

"The customer comes first. "

"The customer is God. "

Oh, God. Come on, you can...
You can do this.

"The customer is... "

Crap.

Did you see that boy playing me?
He was as wooden as a pencil.

I can act better than that.

Oh, could this film crew be any messier?

I'm gonna ask the director
for a part in the film.

Do you know, I was nearly an actress.

This producer asked me to give him
a private audition for his Bond film...

Licence to Drill.

I was going to be a nuclear physicist,
Dr Goodhead.

This came for you
while they were filming.

Oh, my God.

Ned wants to take me to New York,
this weekend, flying first class.

I'd look a lot happier than that if
someone wanted to take me to New York.

No, it's just, you know,
I'm a bit surprised.

314, please.

I've just been to New York.
You'll love it.

I'm also waiting
for a dress to be delivered.

Oh, we'll have it sent up to your room
as soon as it arrives.

Great, thank you.

Hello.

It's like one of those wildlife shows
where a baby wildebeest.

...is about to cross the river
full of crocodiles with sharp teeth.

Obviously you realise it's up to us
to stop him from being eaten.

You stupid half-wit.
Do you have any idea what you've done?

Your office, now!

"While filming
at London's Hotel Babylon...

"Tom Charles has been treating himself
to Botox injections.

"It seems Tom isn't as worried
about his lines in the script.

"as the lines in his forehead. "
Oh, maybe you think this is funny.

- No.
- But I was guaranteed privacy.

No paps, no leaks.

I'm sure the leaks didn't come
from a member of my staff.

So where did they come from?

Tom's out there spitting blood.
He wants to quit the hotel.

Well, surely that won't be necessary.
Um...

I'm certain there's something we can do
to make Mr Charles happy.

Actors don't do happy. If they're happy,
they think they're being screwed.

And those two, they're the worst.

You make one of them happy,
the other one's unhappy.

The staff and I will do
everything we can to help you.

I have three days left to film.

If I don't get these last few
hotel scenes in the can...

I don't have a movie.
If I don't have a movie, I'm finished!

- I need my actors focused.
- I will make your actors happy.

I personally guarantee it.

You have till the end of the day.

If those two are still bitching,
we're out of here.

Hmm?

Rob!

Okay, we're gonna need to move
these spirit bottles.

Hey, you no touch my spirits.

You touch my spirits, you touch my dick.

Okay.

I no touch your spirits.

Can I go past?

Hey, you know, when I was a kid
growing up in Salamanca...

I always wanted to be an actor.
Hey, who's this?

You look at me? Huh?

You look at me, huh?

Don't see anybody else here.

I have absolutely no idea.

Robert De Niro, Taxi Driver.

You look at me?

You sound like a Spanish Mr Bean.

- Okay, uh, before we start...
Yeah.

I just want to say.

I am really looking forward
to working with all of you.

I think we can make Babylon.

...the best and the most profitable
five-star hotel in London.

Well, I'd like each of you to take
on board my own personal mantra...

"The customer is king. "

What if the customer is some city boy
who puke all over my bar? He no king.

Well, yes, you're right.
Obviously, there are exceptions...

I will give you an exception.

Last night a guest got in the lift
and he got his old chap out...

...and he asked me to...

Well, I shall not tell you
what he asked me to do with it...

- But it wasn't very regal.
- But...

...as a general rule, let's treat
all of our guests as royalty, okay?

Moving on. Now, some of you
may have seen this already.

It popped up on one of those
celebrity gossip websites this morning.

Now, the producer thinks
the leak came from a member of staff.

He's threatening to quit the hotel.

Well, I wouldn't be sorry
to see them go.

No. Did you see what they did
to my restaurant yesterday?

They completely trashed the place.

Look, I know they can
be disruptive, okay?

But I promised we'd do
everything we could for them.

So let's try and make the best of it,
okay?

Um, this leak could have come
from anywhere.

I don't know why they think
it was a member of staff.

- It could have been one of the crew.
- Look, I'm not accusing anyone.

I just want to emphasise
respecting guests' confidentiality.

It's so important
for the hotel's reputation...

...especially in attracting celebrities.
They demand privacy.

Despite what they may say, I think
you'll find that they demand publicity.

Well, not in this case.
We can't afford any leaks.

Look, I don't want
to get heavy or anything...

...but if a member of staff is leaking
information about guests to the media...

I'll... Well, I'll have to sack them.

Right, well, um...
Thanks for your cooperation, um...

I know you're all busy with
the film crew and everything, so...

So that's it. Thanks.

Thanks.

Is it just me,
or is that like being back at school?

Come on, first-day nerves.
Give the lad a chance to settle in.

- Uh, how's Charlie getting on?
- How would I know?

Well, I know you two are close.
I thought you might have heard from him.

As if I've got nothing better to do
than think about Charlie.

Are you lost?

Uh, yeah, I'm looking for Anna.
She's the head receptionist.

- Pretty girl, dark hair?
- Yeah.

- I just saw her going into the spa.
- Oh, great. Thanks.

Crickey! You're not painting
the front of a yacht, sweetheart.

If you insist on fluffing, fluff gently.

You know, I'd really like
to get him something.

...to make up for this Botox thing.

- What does he like?
- Dark-skinned hookers.

- Anything else?
- Cricket.

He's a huge cricket fan.
I'll sort something out for him.

I told the producers I'd handle it
personally, so leave it to me.

I have more experience in handling VIPs.
I know what I'm doing.

Well, I kind of know
what I'm doing, too.

On the house.

Thanks.

I think this could be the start.

...of a very beautiful friendship.

Humphrey Bogart, Casablanca.

- Ah!
- Yeah, I know the classics.

Of all the gin...

- Your messages.
- Thanks.

I just want to say, I think
this film is going to be fantastic.

Thanks.

Come in.

- Your dress arrived.
- Mmm.

- Thanks.
- Oh, it's gorgeous.

I just hope I've got the arse for it.
We'll soon find out.

I just wanted to say thank you
for earlier.

No worries. What was that about?

Is that the guy who wants
to take you to New York?

Yes, that's Ned, yeah.

A guy offers to take you to New York
and you hide from him?

- A little bit weird.
- Yeah.

- Don't you want to go?
- Oh, no. No, it's not that...

We've only been seeing each other
for a few weeks, and, you know...

...it's all so much. New York, first class.

Sorry, you're a guest. I shouldn't be
boring you with my personal life.

Hey, you've made me your accomplice.
Now, come on, give me the details.

Oh, it's complicated.

Is there someone else?
That kind of complicated.

Just tell me to mind my own business
if you don't want to talk about it.

Yeah, there was someone else.

He used to work here,
and we had a thing, and I...

I thought...
Well, I don't know what I thought.

- What happened?
- He left.

And he's off jetting
around the world, and...

Oh, and Ned's lovely.

It's just every time I think
of Charlie, I'm just not sure.

I was the same when I was getting
together with my boyfriend, Sam.

Messed him about for ages.
Nearly drove him insane.

Soon as I decided to go for everything,
it just clicked. It was amazing.

- Is that him there?
- Yeah.

At least if it doesn't work out,
you would have had New York.

Yes, yes, and I have always wanted
to fly first class.

Well, there you go.
It's worth it just for that.

Oh, you've got so much gorgeous stuff.

Oh! Marc Jacobs. Oh, I love Marc Jacobs.

Oh, wow.

Oh, anyway,
I should get back to reception.

- Thank you so much for listening.
- Anytime.

Okay.

Um...

They're for the second test at Lord's.
Luckily, they had some returns.

- The best seats in the house.
- You're kidding.

I want to assure you
that we are absolutely committed.

...to providing our guests
with complete privacy during their stay.

Well, I...
I do appreciate it.

- This is fantastic.
- It was no problem.

And if there's anything else I can do
to make you happy, you only have to ask.

Actually, there is something, Jack.
Level with me.

That bitch, Katie, she's got
the best suite in the hotel, hasn't she?

Between the two of you, you have
the two best suites in the hotel.

There can't be two bests.
One of them must be the best.

I bloody knew it!

She's got the best suite.

Bitch.

My contract says that I should have
the best suite when I'm on location.

I can assure you, you have got
one of the best suites in...

One of the best? I want the best.

Now, you make it happen, Jack,
or else I'll be very.

...unhappy.

Of course.

Madam.

- What is this?
- The baby carrot and ginger soup.

It's orange.

Well, yes, madam,
that'll probably be the carrots.

Oh, my God.
I cannot eat orange vegetables.

They have to be green.

But madam ordered the carrot soup.

Are you trying to sabotage my diet?

Do you have any idea how hard it is
to stay looking like this? No.

'Cause you're too busy running around
after Tom to care about me.

Oh, sorry.

Oi, move!

Mmm.

Oh, dear God.

Your messages, sir!

Thank you.

You cannot handle the truth!

Jack Nicholson.

Here's Johnny.

You're trying to get a part in the film,
aren't you?

What do you know about acting?

I know that I can act.
I know that you can't.

We'll just see who gets a part, then.

Oi, Chico, out of the chair!

- Call me.
- Right. See you soon, Rachel.

Anna.

Not that one! The red one!
This one?

No, the other red. The red. Red?

I'm sorry for barging in.
Can I help at all?

I can't find my red lipstick.

I need my red lipstick.

I am sure we can find it for you.

No one understands!
No one understands how hard it is.

The filming, the travelling,
the endless premieres...

...and interviews, it's so hard!

What did she say?

She was sympathising.
She said it must be very tough.

Oh, she understands. Thank you.

Yes, uh, thank you, Tanya.
I'll take it from here.

My fans understand. The producers,
they don't appreciate my talent.

Really? In that scene, in Love Stinks,
where you...

Where you seduce
your best friend's husband...

Wow.

And you did it all with your eyes.

That's what I'm talking about.

We gotta shoot this sex scene.
Simon says I have to be topless.

He says it's all about the tit shot.

I am more than just
a spectacular pair of tits.

Of course you are.
You are a stunning actress.

Well, everyone's running around
after Tom 'cause of this Botox thing...

...it's like I'm invisible.

Why don't I just go crazy
and shave my head?

Nobody would even notice.

They even insisted
Tom have the best suite.

Personally, I don't get it.
I mean, you are obviously the star.

- Tom has the best suite?
- Yeah.

See? No respect.

How about.

I tell Tom that there's a problem
with the plumbing in his suite?

We move him out, and we move you in.

You'd do that?

For you, anything.

- Oh, this is definitely the best suite.
- This is definitely the suite.

...in the hotel.

Can I get some exercise equipment
in here?

Big plasma screen.

- And in LA, they have silk bed linen.
- A load of black-and-white movies.

And some orchids. White, not yellow.

And a Wii.

And a retro Space Invaders
arcade machine.

Do you know what would be
really fantastic?

A water feature.

Last time I stayed here...

...one of your people arranged for
this lovely girl to come and visit.

And she had the most divine brown skin.

I'll see what I can do.

You think you can bribe the director
with your little tray of snick-snacks?

Right. We settle this now.

Like men.

Adrian! Adrian!

Show me the money! Show me the money!

- Adrian!
- Show me the money!

- Adrian...
- Show me the money!

- Rocky Balboa.
- Cuba Gooding Jr.

If I give you both parts in the film,
do you promise to leave me alone?

Oh, we no trouble you no more.

Man behind bar.

Philosophical wedding planner.

Learn your lines.

Hollywood!

Okay.
Yeah, yeah.

All right there, Jack?

You seem to be doing
a lot of running around.

- Need any help?
- No, uh, everything's fine.

Thanks for coming
to look at the plumbing.

It's just this way.

Thanks.

So now he's arranging hookers for
guests? I thought that was your job.

Yeah, so it used to be.

I like both of them. How do I choose?

I always thought I wanted
a huge and spectacular wedding.

And now I think I'd like
romantic and simple.

Oh, I'm so confused.

That's when you know
you're in love. I knew it.

So, the style of the wedding
she's going to have.

...is some big metaphor
for which man she should choose.

Please. Who writes this crap?

Look at her. She is already
cheating on her boyfriend.

with some crusty old man.
You should have heard her earlier.

...going on about how amazing
her relationship is.

She's such a fraud.

- That's when you know you're in love.
- Oh, that was lovely.

- Was it good?
- Yeah.

A horse, he walk into a bar.
And the barman say...

"Why the long face?"

- A horse, he have a long face.
- Long face, yeah.

It's funny.

This is a bloody great hotel.

Oh.

I guess that means we're staying.
I don't know what you did, but, uh...

Thank you.

Okay, gents. Drink time.

I'm buying, boys.

How is your first day
as general manager going?

Fine. No problem. Piece of cake.

Glad to hear it.

- Good night.
Good night, Jack.

So, uh, the good news is, the movie
will continue filming in the hotel.

Gino, your acting career is safe.

Until they see your acting, anyway.

Oh, I think somebody
is a little bit jealous.

- The director say I have a gift.
- No, the director said you had a lisp.

There is just one other thing
I want to talk to you about.

I've noticed there seems
to be a drinking culture.

...developing amongst the staff.

I'm not pointing any fingers
or anything...

...but no one should be drinking alcohol
whilst they're on duty.

Tell that
to the guys in the kitchen.

But it's not just
the guys in the kitchen.

Now, alcohol abuse is a huge problem
within the hospitality industry.

A drink at the end of the shift
is hardly alcohol abuse.

Look, I'm not suggesting
anyone's an alcoholic.

I mean, at least I hope they're not.

Look, anyway,
if it is the end of your shift...

...then surely you can wait
a few more minutes.

So no more boozing on the job, okay?

Oh, excuse me.

Hello? Yes.

Come in!

How can I help?

We were wondering, when you
go to watch one of Katie's films...

what do you expect to see?

I expect to see.

...some great acting, and a great story.

Thank you.

- You don't expect to see her tits?
- I'm sorry?

I guess that's why you advised Katie.

...not to go topless in this sex scene
we're about to film.

Tell Simon what you said to me,
about how I can do it all with my eyes.

I, um...
Well, I didn't mean...

I mean, I was talking generally that...

I'm sorry. A 16-year-old boy
is not interested in your eyes.

He doesn't care if you've got cataracts.
They're not looking at your eyes!

Front and centre, my friend.
Front and centre!

Is that all I am to you,
is just a pair of tits?

It's not like
I haven't seen them before.

I could pick them out in a line-up.

You're not asking Tom
to get his dick out.

Oh, no! He's an actor!

Whoa! Tits and dicks
aren't the same thing.

The tits stay in the picture!

I will not do the scene topless.
I am an artist.

Listen to me, honey. You are an artist
with a great pair of tits.

The cinema-going public
wanna see your tits.

The financiers want to see your tits.
I want to see your tits!

And he wants to see your tits!

- Tell her!
- He respects me.

He respects your tits.
You've seen her tits, haven't you?

- He's not interested in my tits.
- Of course he is!

Look at him. He's a tit man!

He's an eye man.

- Tit man! Tell her!
- Tell him eyes.

- Tits.
- Eyes.

Tits!

I hate you!

- She misinterpreted what I was saying.
- Oh.

She was upset,
and I was trying to reassure her.

- Hey, it's all right.
- Oh.

You just torpedoed a $20 million movie.

We'll sue you.

Get me our lawyers on the phone.

Everything all right?

Yeah. Fine. It's all good.

Thanks.

Oh, this is him handling it personally.

I think you might need
to get involved in this one.

Hmm.

What?

Hiya, Katie. It must be so hard for you
as an actress of integrity.

...in this sexist, male-dominated industry.

Bloody men.

Come on in.

Hi. Mineral water, please. Thanks.

- Hi! We met yesterday.
- Oh, hi.

Can I just say, I think it's great that
you're taking Anna to New York.

- She's fantastic.
- Yeah, yeah, I think so, too.

I told her to go for it.
"Just stop worrying," I said.

And besides, very cute.

Oh, here she is.

Well, you two have a good time
in New York.

He's lovely.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Um, were you talking
to that girl about us?

Yeah, I was just telling her
about our trip to New York.

Yeah, she said that you should
stop worrying, that, um...

Thank you. That you should go for it.

What did she mean?

- Don't you want to go?
- No, of course I do.

Well, what was she talking about?

I was just a bit confused.

- About us?
- No, no, no, it's not like it sounds.

I shouldn't have got the tickets.
No, I knew it was over the top.

No, it's... It's really lovely.

It's just everything's
moving quite quickly.

Yeah, and it's my fault.
I shouldn't have been so pushy.

- I should go.
- No, I'm sorry.

No, no, look, if you're confused,
then you need some space to sort it out.

It's not like that.

- It's better if I go.
- Ned...

I'm sorry.

Erm, call me. When you're ready.

You know, this really isn't down to me.

I didn't say
she shouldn't do the scene topless.

Tell it to the judge, my friend.

Can we talk about the sex scene?

Not with him here.

I'd like her to stay.

Do you mind?

Okay.

Ouch!

I think we have a solution.

Okay, people. We need to be ready
to shoot this scene in 30 minutes.

Let's go.

Okay, you heard the man.
Let's go, people.

Imagine you're making a movie.

Oh, it's all sorted.
They're not going to sue you.

Right, so she's agreed to do it?

I can't actually say.
I signed a confidentiality agreement.

But you have nothing to worry about.

Don't you think you should have
consulted me before getting involved?

I'm sorry, I should consult you before
sorting out the mess that you created?

- I was dealing with it.
- Oh, okay.

Well, great job.
Next time, I'll leave you to it.

In this job, you need a drink
every now and then.

You do a double shift on reception,
you need a large drink!

And several chasers.

I mean, you're telling me
Jack has never had a drink on duty?

You know, we should spike the bugger.
Get him completely pissed.

Yeah, then when he's unconscious...

...shave off his eyebrows
and all his pubic hair!

- Oh!
- Maybe just the eyebrows.

Come on, he's still finding his feet.
Give him a chance. He'll calm down.

All right, if he doesn't, we go for
the old spike and shave, all right?

You told Ned I'm confused.
What the hell do you think you're doing?

I was telling him that it's okay.

Oh, well done. Nice work.
Because now he's just walked off.

See, maybe if you weren't
so pissed all the time...

...you'd realise what it is
that you're doing.

- Sorry?
- And all that bullshit.

...about you and your amazing boyfriend,
when there you are.

...off round the hotel
flirting with every man you see.

Yeah, I saw that sleazy old man
leaving your room.

So if you're going to be a slut,
at least be a slut with standards.

- What, do you think this is funny?
- The old man you saw leaving my room...

I'm not shagging him, he's my doctor.

- Well, you don't look ill to me.
- I'm dying.

- What do you mean, you're dying?
- I've got pancreatic cancer.

I've got six months to live.

But can't they do something
with lasers or something?

This is it. This is why I'm here.

One final blowout
before I start going downhill.

It's my last chance
to wear dresses like this.

So where's your boyfriend?
Why isn't he here?

He's not exactly my boyfriend any more.
I left when I realised I was ill.

I don't want him looking after me
when I'm throwing up all the time.

He doesn't know, does he?

I wanted to give him the chance to find
someone who's not gonna lose their hair.

You should tell him.

What, "Hey, Sam, guess what, I'm dying"?
No, thanks.

- Well, he'd want to know.
- I can't. It's not fair.

No, of course it's not fair.

But he'll be even more upset if he
finds out he couldn't be there for you.

You should give him
the chance to decide.

I don't want him looking after me
just 'cause he feels guilty.

You don't know how he's going to feel.

I'm so sorry that you're ill...

...but that's crap.

I wouldn't know what
to say to him. I can't. I'm sorry.

Hi, I'm calling from Hotel Babylon...

...and you've been selected
as the winner from our prize draw.

This means you've won
one night free in our top suite.

Just call this number
to collect your prize.

Jack. Jack. Psst!

Who's the girl in the bar? The blonde.

Ah, I'm not sure.
I don't think she's a guest.

Right. Well, she's lovely.

See if you can get her
to come up to my room.

Off you pop.

Good man.

Cheese!

No photos! What's wrong with you people?

Cheese!

Celebrities take all sorts
of measures to avoid publicity.

when they're staying in hotels.

I have a reservation.

Snow White.

Right. So which one's Grumpy?

When there are several celebrities
staying at the same time...

...the room service orders alone
can get ridiculous.

Fruit salad for Snow White...

...grilled tuna for Miss Flintstone.

...and a cheese and pickle sandwich
for Donald Duck.

Some of the measures they take
to avoid being spotted.

...are often just a ruse
for generating more publicity.

Celebrities ask to be
sneaked out the back door...

...but only after they've tipped off
the paparazzi.

Let's get this party started.

Mama, just killed a man.

Put a gun against his head.

Pulled the trigger, now he's dead.

Mama, life has just begun.

And now
I've gone and thrown it all away.

Mama.

Ooh.

Didn't mean to make you cry.

If I'm not back again
this time tomorrow

Carry on, carry on.

As if nothing really matters.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I see a little silhouetto of a man.

Scaramouche, Scaramouche,
will you do the fandango?

Thunderbolt and lightning
Very, very frightening me.

Galileo, Galileo
Galileo, Galileo.

Galileo, Figaro
Magnifico.

I'm just a poor boy
Nobody loves me.

He's just a poor boy
from a poor family.

Spare him his life
from this monstrosity.

Easy come, easy go
Will you let me go?

Bismillah, no!
We will not let him go.

Let him go!
Bismillah.

We will not let him go
Let him go!

Bismillah
We will not let him go.

Let me go!
Will not let him go!

Let me go!
Will not let him go!

Let me go!
No!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Mamma mia, mamma mia.

Mamma mia #

I make it for the film wrap party.
It's called "The Hollywood".

Oh, catchy name.

- Oh, yeah. That's good.
- Hope there's no alcohol in that.

I'm testing it for Gino.
It's called "The Hollywood".

Yeah, I'm not sure there's a difference
between testing it and drinking it.

You're not gonna make a big deal.

...about me having one sip
of a cocktail, are you?

Tony, I did say I didn't want anyone
drinking while they're on duty.

And, oh, yes,
that looks like a drink to me.

Jack, I know you've only
been in the job two days...

...and I don't know what it is they taught
you on that management course...

...but this really isn't the way to do it.

Yeah, but I'm doing it
for everyone's benefit.

Gino, can you pour it away, please?

I've been telling everyone
to cut you some slack.

I've defended you.

Now I'm giving you
a chance to back down.

You really don't want to piss me off.

You know, I really, really
don't need you to defend me.

Gino, pour it away.

Fine. You're on your own.

You're crocodile meat.

That boy have a big cork up his ass, eh?

- Hello.
Jack, I need you.

- What the hell happened?
- Nothing.

She fell over. We were dancing and...

Okay, she's breathing.
Have you called an ambulance?

No. No, no, no.

Think of the publicity.
I can't be involved with this.

- You'll have to deal with this.
- What?

- I'm supposed to be on set.
- I'm sorry, you're leaving?

You brought her up here.
This is down to you.

You might need these.

Hey, she took them off.

It happens.

I owe you one.

It will take more than a bit of make-up
to turn him into an actor.

They should have screen-tested me. Look.

- What am I looking at?
- I've got film-star cheekbones.

Hi, I'm Sam Quinn.
I'm here to receive my prize.

- Prize? Sorry, sir?
- Tony, it's okay. I'll deal with this.

Right, if you'd just like to,
um, step this way...

we're going to do the presentation
in one of the rooms upstairs.

- Tell me something. Who are the suits?
- Oh, they're the film's financiers.

I get the feeling they're
not happy about something.

No way!

- Excuse me. Oh, it's the boy wonder.
- Oh!

- Jack, hi, how can I help you?
- Tony, I need your help.

Uh, well, my hands are a little tied
at the moment.

That's serious.
No, sorry, I don't think I can get away.

Emily? No, I haven't seen her.

Sorry, Jack,
you're gonna have to speak...

Bad... ine... You're breaking up...

I'm... Losing you.

Tony?

Do you think he's in trouble?

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Excuse me.

Where the hell have you been?
The financiers are going crazy!

Simon, I'm sorry.
I was learning my lines.

- Been topping up the Botox?
Quiet on set, please.

Don't you ever tire
of being such a complete bitch?

Are you two finished yet?

646, take 1.

Stand by.

You know, I'm really loving
the mascara on you.

Yeah, it really defines your eyes.

Hey.

Break your legs.

And action.

- Hi.
- Aloha.

Oh, God, is he really
gonna do it like that?

Cut!

So, this is the, uh, third floor.

It's also known as the fuchsia floor.

And, uh, here's your surprise.

- Sam.
- Rachel.

I thought you two needed to talk.

What is this?

- Did you put her up to this?
- No.

- So why am I here?
- I don't know. I didn't want to see you.

- Just gonna let him go?
- I told you. I didn't want him to know.

Anna, no!

- Sam!
- Just stay away from me.

Sam, wait!

Sam, wait!

Sam!

No, no, wait.

- You have to talk to her.
- Sam!

Leave me alone. You're insane.

She's dying.

Hi, how are you?

What happened?

Well, I was just passing
and I heard a crash.

...and found you like this.

Think you had a bit too much to drink.

No, that actor was here. Tom Charles.

- Were you touching me?
- No. No!

Did he leave me like this?

He's famous. I could go to the papers.

No, I don't think you want to do that.

I'm sure we can work something out.

Yeah? Like what?

Because this all looks pretty bad to me.

Yeah.

She left because
she doesn't want you to go through it.

She doesn't want you
to see her like this.

She was trying to protect you.

I'm sorry, but we've got a huge problem.

Another one?

- Where is everybody?
- We've been shut down.

The financiers saw
Tom and Katie in action.

They said it was one of the worst
on-screen chemistries they've ever seen.

- They pulled the plug.
- They can't actually do that, can they?

Of course they can. It's their money.
They can do whatever they like.

I'm afraid it means
we won't be able to pay our bill.

- No.
- I'm sorry.

But it's huge.

I mean, it's massive. It's over...
It's over �300,000.

I guess you could sue us.

But the production company
is effectively bankrupt...

...so you'd be wasting your time.

What am I going to tell
the hotel's owners?

I've only been in this job for two days!

I did everything I could!

Tom, Katie...

Chico.

The chemistry wasn't there.

The least you could let me do
is buy you a drink.

Yeah, could I, um...

I'm on duty!

- Keep 'em coming, Chico.
- Yes, sir.

I'm sorry.

You should have told me.

It's okay. It's okay.

I want to be there for you.

It's okay.

- Hello?
- Hi, Ned.

- Anna.
- Can you meet me after work?

- Uh, sure.
- Thanks.

I didn't ask to be general manager.

They've invested so much money in me.

All the training and the qualifications,
when they asked if I wanted it...

I couldn't say no.

I know everyone thinks I'm too young.
That I'm this overqualified idiot.

I just wanted to prove them wrong.

Two days.

Two days, and I have screwed it all up!

No one can run this place on their own.

Don't try and do everything yourself.

You need to let us do our jobs.

We're actually pretty good at them.

I behaved like a total arsehole.

Are you asking me for help?

Yeah.

Okay.

Just as long as we're clear
about the arsehole thing.

Yeah.

Cyrano de Bergerac,
that's a bit ambitious.

Maybe. But if we can create
some genuine chemistry.

...between these two actors,
we may save the film.

You work on her. We'll work on him.

Well, that is, of course, unless Jack
would rather handle it personally.

No, and, uh, thanks for coming back in.
I, uh... I really appreciate it.

No problem.

Okay, first things first.
Now, this girl who knocked herself out...

- is she a blonde?
- Yeah. How did you know?

Hello, Lily.
- Oh, crap.

Lily hangs around in five-star hotels.

waiting for rich, famous men
to pick her up.

Then she gets up to their room,
causes a scene...

...and then threatens to go to the tabloids
unless they pay her off.

It's something like that,
isn't it, Lily?

Girl's gotta make a living.

Come on, put that down.
Get your tights on, we're going.

Thank you, Lily.
No doubt we'll be seeing you again.

Little bit of advice.

When you're putting
a girl's knickers on...

...try getting them the right way around.

Don't ask.

The film getting shut down,
it's all Tom's fault.

The ego on the guy.

Water.

It's weird. I was in his suite earlier,
and he was watching one of your films...

...and he kept going on and on
about how insanely talented you were.

Really? He said I was talented?

Mmm-hmm.

He has every single one of your films.

And photographs of you.

See for yourself if you want.

Maybe it would be better
if you did this.

Your confidence has taken a knock.

You fall off the horse,
you get straight back on.

Just remember, I'll be on the
other end of this if you need me.

Off you go.

I mean, the film shutting down.
It's all her bloody fault.

You know, the only talent she's got
is right there.

And they're not even hers.

There's your in. Go for it.

Well, uh,
it must have been hard for her...

...acting opposite you.

- What?
- I mean...

She was probably intimidated
by your vast talent.

She was probably intimidated
by your vast talent.

Yeah, true.

I heard her talking about you.

- I heard her talking about you.
- Hmm.

And, uh, well, she was saying that...

There's a guy
climbing the fire escape.

There's a guy climbing the fire escape.

- What?
- Mustafa, get off this channel!

- Mustafa, get off this channel!
- What? Who the hell's Mustafa?

He's the guy that Katie
was talking to when she...

That's... That's the guy that Katie
was talking to when I heard her say.

...that you are the most talented
comic actor of your generation.

- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

What else did she say?
Hold on, let me buy you a drink.

Oh, um, I can't. I'm on duty.

Sod that. I'm buying you a drink.
And I need to hear this.

Do you really want to screw this up
for the sake of one drink?

Thanks. I'll, uh... I'll have a whisky.

Right, Gino.
Mmm, two large whiskies.

Hmm.

Don't worry.
Your secret will be safe with us.

I'll leave you the bottle.

Good man. Cheers.

So, tell me more.

I mean, she is completely
obsessed with you.

You know, she's like,
"Tom this, Tom that. He's so brilliant!

"Yet so modest. "

Well, he's a natural
once he's got a few drinks inside him.

He better be.
Otherwise he ruin my acting career.

Are you wearing make-up?

Living the life of an actor, my friend.

Oh, my God!

I should have seen it before.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I should have seen it earlier.
Of course. Huh!

- She's obviously totally...
- He's obviously...

...in love with me.
... Totally in love with me.

Why on earth shall I help him
after the way he spoke to me?

Because there was a time when you
didn't know what you were doing, either.

Not to mention he's doing
your pay review next month.

- Good point. Jack?
- Yes?

- Is he drunk?
- Ever so slightly.

Look.

We sit Tom and Katie facing each other.

One here, one at table six.

If we keep the tables
in the middle clear...

...they will have a direct line of sight.

It will almost be like
they're dining together.

I will have Chef devise a special menu.

The dishes will contain
every aphrodisiac known to man.

This will be sex on a plate.

Ah!

Christ.

Mmm.

Ooh!

Ooh!

I'll have what she's having.

It's working.

Just one more thing to do.

When they see how much publicity
they're gonna get as a couple...

...my guess is that they won't be able
to stop themselves running with it.

A list of my press contacts.

You're saying
we leak a story about them?

No, no, no. I told everyone
strictly no leaks to the media.

Well, you can stick by that
if you want to.

The film company won't be able to pay
their bill, and you'll lose your job.

Or you could step up to the plate
and show everyone.

...you've got what it takes
to be the general manager.

My advice is that
you throw out the rulebook.

Do whatever you've got to do
to get the job done.

It's your call.

Look at that, mate.

Hotel Babylon's made
all the front pages.

Hold on, I'll just be a minute.

You off?

Sam's taking me home.

- This is for you.
- No, I can't.

For everything.

Okay.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm sorry.

I just want to know where I stand.

Do you want to...

Yeah.

It's... It's just everything
was happening so fast.

And, well, I just needed some time
to get my head around it all.

Well, and now that I have...

Well, I really want to be with you.

Are you sure?
I'm not trying to rush you.

No, no, no. Completely, and...

I'd love to go to New York with you,
if you still want to go with me.

More than ever.

Come on.

All the bitching, the fighting,
the arguing...

When I said that I hated you...

well, what I really meant to say was,
"I love you. "

Prove it.

Cut!

- Tremendous.
Thank you very much.

How long do you think they'll last?

I think they'll be married, adopted
a couple of Malawian babies...

...and divorced within three months.

Oh, somebody looks happy.

Well, the financiers are loving it.
We're back in business.

I'll go and prepare your bill.

- Tony, um...
- Yes?

Thanks.

It's okay.

So, tell me, how did you get Katie
to do the sex scene?

I thought she was refusing
to go topless.

Ah, we used a breast double.

This double-breast woman,
maybe I can meet her.

I'm afraid her identity
is strictly confidential.

Show me my mark,
because I am ready to do some acting.

Actually, guys, we've had a rethink.
We don't need you any more.

We've merged both your parts
to create a new role.

It's 007. Licence to grill.

Running a hotel
is a bit like making a movie.

It isn't an exact science.

There's no one set of rules to follow.

We have to learn which rules to bend
and which ones to break.

Where are you off to next?

Just like the film director,
the most important thing.

...a new general manager needs to do
is get their staff on side.

That way, they might just survive.

Cheers.

Cheers.

A full-on brawl in the lobby.
It's classy.

Eddie, I'm not getting you another girl.

You're the resident pimp, aren't you?

- You're sacked.
- You've got to get out of here.

Please.

You think you're pretty clever,
don't you?

No, I think I'm pretty and clever.

You want to make an enemy of Gino?

- You can't hurt me.
- We'll see about that.

Dan Black levitated in the lift earlier.

I do not want to know
about your sordid little encounters.

Now you're jealous
of my relationship with Chloe.

Have I ever lied to you, James?

It's notes on how he's going
to disappear today.

Steal it, now!

I think we'll get out right now!

Leave her.

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