All language subtitles for Free Agents s01e03 Dr. Hu.eng

Yeah, I don't see this working out
for you, Alex.

Real men don't use umbrellas.

There's just no spinning it.

Thanks, I'll use it in my pitch.

Men and umbrellas, we have nothing,
because there's no point in trying. Sorry.

So, this guy running
with a newspaper over his head...

That's manly to you?

Uh, it's manlier
than carrying around

a portable man awning
to protect yourself from water.

I'm using human ingenuity

to conquer the elements.

How is that not manly?

Your manliness
is not in question.

It's socially acceptable
for a man to use an umbrella

if he's with a lady,

so as long as you're with me,
you're cool.

I see.

So my masculinity is defined
by my proximity to you?

- Yeah.
- Huh.

- Well, let's see, shall we?
- Alex!

No, I still feel
pretty masculine.

In fact, I feel
even more masculine,

because I'm not s--
Aah!

That's great. Very funny.

Skinny nutmeg cappuccino,
low-fat peach muffin,

and mini-scones!

- Yeah, thank you.
- You're welcome.

It's not really mine. It's--
I'm just--it's for a woman.

- Right. Let me help you.
- Oh.

Ooh, well done.

Thank you.

My point is,
is it not more masculine

not to conform
to societal norms?

Yeah, but don't over-think it.

If we're both under
the umbrella together,

you're still manly.

Yeah, but shouldn't
I be holding it?

Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

♪ If you can ♪

♪ oh, help me ♪

♪ oh, yeah ♪

Okay, umbrellas.

Women love them, and men don't.

So to generate press,

we would have
Landon umbrellas sponsor

a "manliest jobs in America"
competition,

where coverage
would feature images

marrying your product
to images of "real men,"

such as cops,
construction workers,

members of the armed forces,
truckers, firefighters,

all the way to rodeo cowboys,
ranchers, and loggers.

Hmm.

I'm wondering if, um--

Wondering if
the manliest job in America

is being a member
of the Village People?

Well...

These are obviously
just stock photos.

The actual submissions
would be much less,

you know, daddies and bears.

Also there was not a trucker
in the Village People.

So...

Ah.

So do I even need
to explain to you

why that was totally uncool?

Your presentation?

I thought I explained to you
why it was uncool.

Okay, how about this?
You are my--

Sunshine?
Ooh, inspiration?

"Assistant" is the word
I was looking for,

and while I appreciate that you
have thoughts and opinions--

I really do--I'd much prefer
you not share them

right in the middle of
my pitching to a client, okay?

So, then, like,
after the meeting?

Like, how about worrying
more about doing your job

and less about
trying to do mine?

- I don't really worry.
- Well, give it a try.

Okay, not a home run,

but, uh, that feedback'll
definitely be helpful for--

Alex, I'm gonna skip
the sports metaphors,

because none of your
American sports make sense.

Except the volleyball
women play on a beach.

Let's try a business metaphor.

I want Emma
to work with your team

as you rework
your presentation.

Metaphor, as in
you don't literally mean

you want Emma to work
on the presentation.

Okay, no, then
it's not a metaphor.

The client found her amusing,

and I think she would bring
a fresh perspective

to the project,
shake things up a bit.

Agreed?
Agreed.

Helen, my little fruitcake,

I read your
media strategy outline

on Billix Chemical.

Good job.

God.

One.
One so-so pitch,

he feels he has to do

the "shake things up a bit"
thing.

Stephen hated my outline.

What are you saying?
He just said you did a good job.

I know!

You do know that "good"
is not bad, right?

Oh, "good" is nothing.

It's filler.
It's these...

Crappy fern things.

So when you said
that sex with me was good,

that--that meant what?

How can I be so off of my game

when I'm so on top
of everything?

Your fiance did pass away
somewhat recently.

And I poured myself
into my work,

which is all the reason
I should be extra awesome at it.

Or maybe you're a bit
too focused on work.

That's not even a thing.

Look, I know you
hate to hear this stuff,

but actually I started
seeing somebody recently,

and it's--it's been
amazingly helpful.

When did you start
seeing someone?

Oh, you know,
about a month ago.

You are aware that I'm
talking about a therapist,

right?

- Yeah.
- All right, all right.

So, now, don't panic.

But, you know, just in case
you're interested,

let me give you
his information.

No, unlike you,
I don't need therapy.

Well, good job.

"Dr. Who"?

Your therapist is a fictional
time-traveling humanoid--

It's pronounced "Hu,"
and do make that joke,

'cause he's definitely
never heard that before.

Maybe I will.

It's gonna be hilarious.

Stephen is seriously
putting Emma on the team?

Does this mean Gregg
will get fired?

We just financed a gazebo, man.

Guys, relax, okay?

This is just something
that Stephen does

every once in a while
to make everybody crazy.

He thinks we'll all work harder

if we're scared for our job.

So he's just pitting us
against each other

for his own amusement.

- Like Gladiator?
- Or Dangerous Liaisons?

Just wish he'd pick
another week for this crap.

I have my kids all week.

I don't know why you're
making this about you, Alex.

We need to concentrate
on destroying Emma.

Get out.

- Oh.
- Serious.

Yep.

If we're going with
the Kuebler-Ross

"five stages of grief" model,

I'm at stage five:
Resilience.

Although the Bonnano theory,

that we're simply
resilient creatures,

is actually much more my speed.

And that's the key to the whole
mental health thing anyway.

Right? Resilience?

That's an important part of it.

My point is, I'm a girl
that bounces back.

I'm bouncy.

Is this boring, by the way?
I can skip ahead.

No, it's definitely not boring.

You know what?

I'm just gonna skip to
the mental health checklist.

"Uh, am I
in a state of well-being

in which I realize
my abilities?"

Yes. Uh, "Can I
work productively?"

Yes.

"Am I able to make
a contribution to my community?"

Yes. I haven't, but now
that I know I'm supposed to,

I will.

Uh, anyway, you know this list.

"Yes, yes, yes."

Um, I'm really sorry
for wasting your time,

but obviously
I do not need therapy.

I think if it's something
you'd like to pursue,

you should, but--

But I--
I don't need to.

No.

Phew.

Well, thank you...

Dr. Hu.

Oh, what the hell?

Ugh.

Busy.

Oh.

I had to lock it,
because I'm organized,

and people kept
touching things.

Emma, I--I appreciate
your gung-ho spirit,

I do, but--

Okay, this seems speechy,

and I have a meeting
with Farnsworth in five minutes.

- Who the hell is Farnsworth?
- P. Diddy's umbrella carrier.

Did you seriously
not know that?

Who's answering my phones
right now?

Voicemail.

I can't answer phones
and make men like umbrellas.

Your divorce lawyer
calls 12 times a day.

Look, Emma, I think--

Emma.
Emma, hey, stop.

I think you think
this is some, like,

big opportunity
for you to, like,

jump into the field
and take out the weakest member

of the herd or something,
but I assure you that it's not.

What it can be is
a learning experience for you.

So may I suggest that
you just cool your jets here,

be respectful,

and take your place
as a member of the team?

Okay.

- Okay?
- Yeah.

You're gonna be respectful

and join the team
in a supportive fashion?

Okay.

All right.

Good.

- Hey.
- Well, you may be right.

There's absolutely no way
to make umbrellas masculine.

No, umbrellas are just--
they're just not cool.

One cool thing
about umbrellas--

You can kill somebody
with one if necessary.

Yeah, I knew a guy
who killed another guy

with an umbrella once.

He didn't "kill him" kill him.

He scratched him,
and the infection killed him.

But still...killed him
with an umbrella.

Food for thought.

That's not a bad idea.

I can actually spin that.

So turns out your Dr. Hu
is a fantastic therapist.

Did you go to see him?
That's fantastic.

Listen, I think he's
very smart and insightful.

Oh, he is.

He said that I'm fine
and I don't need therapy.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Did you talk?

Uh, yeah, of course I talked.

About actual things
like, you know,

your fondness for wine,

and how you use work
as an excuse

to avoid ever going out,

and your fondness for wine?

Oh, I'm ready
to start going out.

Really? That's great.

I'm actually having drinks
with someone tonight.

You are?
With who?

Yep.

What?

With Hu.

I'm having drinks
with Dr. Hu.

Who is not my doctor,

because I don't need therapy,
so I'm not a patient.

Whoa, whoa. So you're
finally ready to date,

and the person that you choose
to go out with is my therapist?

Well, not like
out of all the world.

If there was
a Bardem option--

Really? Those are
the only two options?

Javier Bardem and my therapist?

Alex, it's not
a personal rejection.

It's just that one of us
still needs therapy.

Yeah, you.

Ugh, if this were
The Breakfast Club,

you would be Ally Sheedy.

Emilio Estevez.

Oh, I am not the basket case.

I am the popular jock
with hidden depths.

Hi.

Who are you?

- Marty.
- Marty?

Are you leaving?

Aren't you doing the concept
meeting on Landon?

I thought that
was tomorrow morning.

No, Emma rescheduled.
Didn't you get the email?

No, I didn't,
and I can't do that tonight.

I have my kids,
as Emma well knows.

Right, sorry.

I had a conflict, and I haven't
been at my old desk.

Marty, F.Y.I,
Alex is N/A all week, kids.

Marty's got it.
Won't happen again.

Great. Who's Marty?

She got a temp.

You said you wanted
your phones answered.

Okay, tell you what,

here's everything
I have so far.

I'll take a look at what
you have in the morning,

and we'll see
if there's anything

that we wanna run
by Stephen, okay?

Enjoy.

How often do I suggest
destroying someone?

I mean, why didn't you
take me seriously?

Oh, that's great, thank you so much.

You're my first Asian,
by the way.

I'm lying. Second.

Third.

If middle-school
closed-mouth kissing

counts as a date.

Well, I like to be
in the top five,

so good thing you
asked me out when you did.

Well, good thing
you thought I was sane.

- Oops.
- Mm, I am a tiny bit nervous.

I haven't done this in a while.

The dating part,

not the drinking wine
from a glass part.

That part I got down.

And now I made it sound like
I have a drinking problem,

which I don't.

My mother always says you
can drink more than you should,

as long as it's less
than you could.

So now that I made her
sound like an alcoholic,

I will tell you
that she is not.

She's a drinker-ish,
but it's not an issue.

She's just, like,
boozy in a flirty way.

So are you close
with your parents?

No, no.

But I'm not
not close with them.

I'm the appropriate amount
of close with them,

you know, for me.

I'm fine with the degree
of close that we are.

As are they, you know,
to my knowledge.

You know, we haven't
really talked about it,

but they raised me,
which was nice.

Well, they must've done
something right.

Are you waiting for me
to name it?

No, it was a--
it was a compliment.

Yes.

This is a date.

Yes.

So tell me about your job.

You know, I like working.

I don't see
how defining yourself

as being amazing at your job
is a negative thing,

unless, you know,
you're, like, a hooker

or somebody that gases
shelter animals.

I think I may have
phrased that wrong.

What do you do for a living?

This is starting
to feel like therapy,

which I don't need, right?

Do it.

That's hilarious.

- Hey.
- Alex, hey. What time is it?

It's 8:15 in the morning.
What are you guys doing?

Emma comes up
with this awesome idea,

we start riffing on it,
we ordered pizza.

Up top.

Boom!
Scared jellyfish.

Came up with that last night.

Could not have done it
without the rock stars--

the hammer and icepick.

Wait, I thought
I was icepick, though.

Check it--viral videos.
Umbrellas as weapons.

It's fresh.
It's edgy.

Umbrellas as weapons.
That--that's your idea?

Okay, the germ of the idea
was in your file,

but we took it and turned it
into something cool.

No, it's--it's edgy.

I just don't know that
I'd actually run with that.

I mean, you know,
if you look at the market--

Stephen loves it,
and he wants us to run with it.

- You pitched it to Stephen?
- Yeah.

Look, I understand
you're upset.

You feel like you
dropped the ball.

No, there's no ball, Emma,
and you don't go over my head.

You did drop it.

I didn't,
because there's no ball, okay?

And if there were a ball,

you wouldn't get it,
and not to be cruel,

but you wouldn't know what to do
with it if you did get it.

Okay, I feel like you're
really talking about sports now.

Look, there's
a process to this, okay?

I'm trying
to take you through it.

I understand.
It's called Darwinism.

Survival of the et cetera.

And you're old, stressed,
and preoccupied with kids

and ex-wives,

and I'm a laser beam
of focus and ambition.

You're threatened.
I get it.

You know what?
I've been really patient.

But if you keep this up,
I'm gonna take you down.

You're gonna what?

I'm gonna take you down.

You're gonna take me down?

With all those balls
in the air?

I'm gonna take you down.

So many balls,

you don't even know
what day of the week it is.

It's Thursday.

At 8:30.
Oh, son of a bitch.

Ugh!

I'll take a person down if nee

and that's exactly
what I told her.

- I'm not clear on--
- Also I...

I referred a friend to you,

who I felt could, you know,
benefit from therapy,

and, uh, you kind of told her
she was fine, and--

I'm confused. I didn't
get a referral from you.

Really? No work-obsessed,
control-freak,

in grief-denying people
came in for help,

and instead left scribbling
"Cocktails with Hu"

in her calendar, huh?

Do you mean Helen Ryan?

Wait, Alex, I had no idea
Helen was a friend of yours.

I swear.
She didn't mention you.

She didn't mention me?

Like, at all?

Helen isn't the woman from work

that you--

Yeah.

This is awkward.

Um, look, I hope you know
I would never intentionally

do anything
to impede your progress.

My progress is fine.

In fact...

do you think I need
to keep coming back?

I...feel like
I'm doing pretty good.

Right?

- Ugh!
- Wah!

And then we also--
we added in some audio

of Gregg whimpering
during the reach-around.

- What do you think?
- I think...

I don't know why
I've become so fond of Emma.

I think I see myself in her.

I think your narcissism
and your lechery

have finally
just melded together.

- So they did.
- Yeah.

Stephen, come on.

- You've made your point.
- What point is that?

Work harder, or whatever.
I get it. We all get it.

Really, can we just--

- Can we call off Emma now?
- Call her off?

I think
she's a splendid addition.

Just look at her go
like a rat up a rope.

I bet she could pitch it
if you gave her the chance.

- Well, maybe she should.
- Maybe she will.

- Fine.
- Fine.

Emma, how would you like

to make
the presentation tomorrow?

- Me?
- Yeah.

- Are you serious?
- Mm-hmm.

You won't bug me
about teamwork,

or try to take me down?

No, no, no.

So I'm...doing the pitch?

- Yeah.
- Good.

I'm doing the pitch.

- What? Boom! Nice!
- Hey, hey!

- Good.
- Good.

Good.

Hey. What did you do?

Dr. Hu canceled
our next date.

I know you did something
to screw things up.

Perhaps he found

your persecution complex
unattractive.

Oh, this isn't over.

I'm having that date
reinstated.

Oh, you know,
can we just--

We both know the reason
why you're interested

in dating this guy.

Oh, we do?

Is it because he's hot
and a doctor?

Excuse me.

I said double-pump
gingerbread.

I'm sorry.
Gingerbread lattes are seasonal.

This is basically you--
a disposable cup

of lukewarm liquid failure.

And these graphs
look like monsters' asses.

You have 15 minutes
to do 'em over.

Uh, more like five.
Landon's here.

Uh, wouldn't keep him
waiting too long.

Okay, look, title page here.

Should it say "youthful"
or "fresh"?

Um, fresh.
Youthful, youthful.

Hip. Not hip.

Good luck in there.

Okay, here's
what we're gonna do.

Uh, reprint these
with "fresh."

I'm gonna go puke a little,

and then we're gonna
go blow Landon away, okay?

So harness a fresh new medium

using viral videos

and gorilla-ish
style marketing,

and get people talking
about an old--

uh, established product
in a new way.

- A fresh way.
- Youthful.

Interesting.

And fresh, if--
if you, um, let it sit...

In your brain.

But we've tried
this type of thing before.

Young guys just don't think
using an umbrella is cool.

You know what young guys
do think is cool, though,

is their hair.

Look, did you read the article
Men's Health

about how contaminants in rain
cause male pattern baldness?

No, I did not.

Yeah, that's 'cause
we haven't planted it yet.

But when we start
to circulate studies

linking hair loss
with rain exposure,

you're gonna see
a lot more young men

worrying about
getting rain on their head.

You see the research?

The numbers are unbelievable,

to the point
where I can't believe

we haven't thought
of this before.

Here we are!
I'd like to propose a toast.

- Umbrellas!
- Ah, yeah!

So you did it.
You took me down.

You know what it means
when you have

a lot of balls in the air,
don't you?

No, but I'm sorry I ever said
the word "balls" near you.

It means you can juggle.

Good job, Emma.

Now, back into your desk
tomorrow morning.

Mm.

You know,
you could've just told me

that you want me
to step up my game.

Possibly, you old tosser,

but how fun would that be?

Yet another Pinot Grigio
for table six.

The redhead
and the hot Asian guy.

Oh, I don't know
what Alex said about me,

but I am fine.

You seem preoccupied with Alex.

No, he is a colleague
and a friend-ish person.

Believe me, he's not an issue.

- Are you sure about that?
- Well, well, well.

Look "Hu" it is.

Really?
This is what you're doing?

Oh, what I'm doing is bad?

Like you didn't purposely
pick the one restaurant

where you know I bring clients?

Oh, like every move you make
is so important

I have to commit it to memory.

I see. So you're just
subconsciously trying

to rub your fake sanity
into my face.

Oh, could you please
just have him committed already?

- Seriously.
- Me committed? Me?

Allow me to explain "crazy"
to the both of you, okay?

"Crazy" is dating
a former lover's therapist

to somehow prove
that you're sane, okay?

"Crazy" is a therapist who
meets the most in-denial woman

on the face of the planet,
and tells her

not only she's fine,
but then starts to date her.

Me being pissed off about that

is the most sane thing happening
in this general area.

Well, he is not my therapist,

because unlike you,
I don't need one.

Darling, you need therapy

more than any other human being
I have ever met in my life.

Have you met yourself?

Can I just say
one thing, please?

You are
co-dependent wackjobs.

Wait, is he just
really leaving?

What the hell, man?

"Co-dependent wackjobs."

Is that the official
psychological term, you think?

He's weird.
He thought you were an issue.

Really?

He thought you were
just a response to my divorce.

See? This is why
I don't believe in therapy.

Blanket statements like that.

All he did was ask questions.

- There was no, like--
- Back and forth. I know, right?

- It's all very--
- One-sided.

- And judgy.
- Exactly.

- Yes. Totally.
- Who needs that?

Now his name isn't even funny.

See?
This is why I don't date.

Oh, my God.
Did you get green beans?

- No. Are they good?
- Mmm.

You know, I should've known.

No one with dimples
has ever helped anybody.

Shut up.

Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

Look at this.
He's like Bruce Lee!

This is what I call
the "Hong Kong Bowtie."

- Nice!
- Yeah.

- Really good, Walter.
- Thank you.

Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!

Can you knock this
off Gregg's head?

Of course I can.
Daniel, give me some room.

- I can do that for ya.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.

Stand straight.

I really don't like it when
people swing things at my head.

- Don't be a little--
- Ugh!

- Oh, my--
- Ow!

Uh...

I'll get some ice.

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