Original subtitles

[pan sizzling]

Oh, hi. Didn't see you there.

Welcome back to The Drunk and Dumped Dinner Club,

with your host, Laura Loveless.

Now, tonight, we're making frittatas.

Why frittatas for dinner, you ask?

- Why? - Because,

my ex-girlfriend hates them, and I'm incredibly petty.

[laughs]

The secret to a good frittata

is blending your eggs in a blender.

I like to use eggs that I can relate to.

- Mm-hmm. - Fragile, white,

privileged, free-range.

Here's a trick to cracking your eggs open.

Have them backpack around Europe with you for months,

and slowly get them to fall in love with you.

[laughs] Then tell your eggs

that you wanna go back to your apartment in Los Angeles,

giving them the completely reasonable impression

that you and the eggs are in a relationship,

maybe even meet your egg's parents.

That's very reasonable.

Now, once you've lulled your eggs

into a false sense of security,

reveal your ruse,

and crack them open before your eyes.

And drop them into those cold blades of steel.

[Jenny Lewis' "The New You"]

? ?

JENNY: ? When you struggle with sobriety ?

? Dreams of notoriety ?

[music continues playing softly]

Would you recommend this baby monitor?

As far as devices made for parents eager to overpay

for the illusion of safety go, it has decent range.

Have you ever done acid?

- No. - Hm.

I did shrooms once in college,

and I ended up in a dorm room staring at

a Belushi poster for hours like it was the Mona Lisa.

What are you doing now?

A spiritual sojourn under the stars,

guided by Mindbath,

the latest and safest in chemical engineering.

- This is legal? - It's California, Leon.

The federal government's always five years behind.

Besides, people have been pursuing purpose and meaning

via hallucinogens for centuries.

"Includes audio narration by basketball legend Bill Walton."

Two-time NBA champ, toured with the Grateful Dead.

I trust him.

You know, whatever emptiness you're feeling,

you won't fill it with a box

that you bought off the internet.

But that's the American way, Leon.

Hey, got a couple extra.

- You wanna come with? - [door opens]

Two best friends on another crazy adventure?

No. He's your charge now.

Godspeed.

What, no lecture on how

I'm being reckless and irresponsible?

Well, normally yes, but right now,

my own reckless, irresponsible decision

to open a wine store supersedes, so.

ALEX: Fair enough.

Then I'll bid you adieu. The open road awaits.

Oh, that reminds me.

Mom's pagan anniversary dinner is next month,

and I told her that we're coming.

The dawn of Dawn approaches.

20% more likely to have a bad trip now,

so thank you.

- You're welcome. - Hey.

You might not recognize me when I get back.

The mind changes when it transcends

the doors of perception.

Keep your phone on, Lizard King.

You're not worried about that?

[door clatters]

All right, so, ta-da.

- Oh, wow. - [laughs]

This is great.

Thanks.

Um, so,

I was thinking about shelves right here

for pairing suggestions.

Wines with fish or pasta or,

you know, for date night,

or "Real Housewife" binges.

Cute.

And this, uh,

would do, like, a open fridge for cheese and stuff.

Mm, well, with cheese,

you gotta toss what you don't sell, so...

Oh, well, not to sell.

For me to eat.

You know, you might get more value

out of a self-serve wine station.

Oh, like, with the screens and the prepaid cards?

Mm-hmm, they cost more up front,

but they earn more in the long run.

If you want, I got a guy.

You seem like a guy that's got a lot of guys.

[chuckles] Yeah, speaking of,

I got a thing tomorrow with a bunch of boutique distributors.

They carry some of the smaller vineyards.

Do you wanna come with?

Oh, yes, I do wanna come with.

Great.

Also, you might wanna get that stain on the wall

looked at, like, ASAP.

But this is great.

BILL WALTON: It's highly unlikely,

but should your Mindbath experience

include sensations of dissolving, melting,

or exploding, try not to resist.

- [screen dings] - Call Rae.

[line trills]

RAE: What up?

Hey, just checking in before I lose reception

or get eaten by a bear.

She's not old enough. Sorry, what?

What'd you say? What's the matter?

Nothing, just saying hey.

Hey, uh, no, 'cause I don't want her to see it yet.

See what?

Uh, "Star Wars."

What? Without me?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Well, relax, we're just... pick something else!

Can I call you back, please?

You can try... hey, no "Princess Bride" either.

As you wish.

Tell Carrie I love her.

Somebody screwed through the pipe.

- Who did? - Whoever put up these shelves.

I did.

Well, you screwed through the pipe.

I can fix it, but these shelves

are gonna have to come down.

What else did you do yourself?

Hi, somebody stole your street numbers.

Yeah, of course they did. Thank you.

[door closes]

Oh, come on.

[device blipping]

Not recognizing you?

This is how it starts, isn't it?

The machines are rebelling. [device blips]

If only we'd listened to Elon Musk.

Oh, hey, so this girl that I went to college with

saw the frittata vid of you that I posted,

- and she wants your number. - Oh, that's sweet,

but my vagina's closed for the season.

No, not like that.

She's got this app where people host cooking videos

or something like that.

She can explain more about it, but it's legit.

She's got, like, 400,000 users.

But internet-famous is the lowest form of fame.

Maybe, but money is the highest form of money.

Good point. Have her call me?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, I got inside your mom's space today.

- What was that? - Her wine shop.

- It looks good. - Ah, right.

Yeah, it does.

- She's smart... your mom. - [device blipping]

She's funny, too.

Well, she gets that from me.

[laughs] Here.

- [device tinkles] - You're a wizard.

[birds chirping]

[engine whirring]

[RV blasting Big Country's "In a Big Country"]

? ?

[indistinct chatter]

BIG COUNTRY: ? I never took the smile away from anybody's face ?

? And that's a desperate way to look ?

? For someone who is still a child ?

? In a big country dreams stay with you ?

[indistinct chatter]

? ?

WOMAN: Uh, no, guys, not here! We're gonna have to...

[indistinct chatter]

How do?

What's with the song?

Fucking brilliant, innit, aye?

The first 25 times, maybe.

Could you turn it down? I'm trying to sleep.

Oh, yeah. Sure. Sure.

- Sorry about that. - [music turns off]

- Dad! - Make it lower,

don't turn the bloody thing off.

Enough with the language.

- KID: Bloody, bloody, bloody. - MAN: Oy, mind your mum.

Appreciate it. Thank you.

[indistinct chatter]

[birds chirping]

[RV blasting "In a Big Country"]

Ugh, God.

Viewers cook along at home at their own pace,

so they can pause, go back, skip steps, whatever.

I love that you live at home. We should play that up.

You don't even know if I can cook.

You can't cook?

No, I can cook. I'm just saying.

Our users don't want a Dominique Crenn.

They want someone they can relate to,

someone real...

a funny girlfriend in their kitchen

talking shit on an ex.

That was me fucking around depressed.

I mean, no one wants to live in that space.

What's Fleetwood Mac's best album?

- "Rumours." - And Adele's?

- "21." - You know why?

Because they're break up albums.

Heartache makes the best work.

So, you'd prefer it if I never got over Tathiana.

We just want our users to feel invested in your story,

your life.

It's not like "Tusk" and "25" are bad...

How are you making money?

Our hosts do native ads, like they do for podcasts.

Oh, podcast money. Now we're talking.

Hey, Jon Lovett just bought a jet.

Not that we're making Lovett money, but...

Well, what about the restaurant?

We'll work around your schedule.

I'll e-mail you a waiver.

Just have them sign it so they don't sue me...

[laughs]

BILL WALTON: Instead, surrender yourself to the experience.

Let it flow, glow, and grow.

Embrace everything.

Particularly the dissolve, the melt, and the explosion.

[soft music plays]

You are now ready to begin your journey with Mindbath

in what I hope is a safe, controlled environment,

surrounded by trusted friends.

You should start to feel the effects

within 20 to 40 minutes.

While we wait, let me share a story

about my own experience.

It was Malibu 1973,

and I found myself on a beautiful beach.

I was surrounded by dolphins, turtles, doves of peace,

and many other unidentifiable creatures.

I was chasing my dreams, going for it all,

and willing to try anything that might get me there.

By now, you should be

into the Letting Go stage of your journey.

So shed your mental boundaries

and imaginary prisons.

Freely allow the dissolution and dissipation

of all the dishonorable nonsense

that's holding you down.

Immerse yourself in your feelings

and let go.

Let it all flow freely

while you ride the subsurface currents

of your consciousness.

Remember the struggle between the life you have

and the life that you want,

but accept that your story is still being written.

You may never have all the answers...

[grunting]

[exhales]

BILL WALTON: Tell yourself, "I exist.

And I am happy."

RECEPTIONIST: Dr. Christi will be right with you.

- Oh, stop it. - [laughs]

- Ooh, what about Pip? - Pip?

Yeah, it's a great name.

- [laughs] - Yeah, it's unisex.

What? Literary.

Uh, it sounds like potato chip.

DR. CHRISTI: Hey, Leia, thanks for holding.

So, we looked at your blood work,

and you're not pregnant.

- Uh, what? - DR. CHRISTI: I know.

It's rare, but unfortunately, those tests aren't always...

There were two lines, though.

They crossed.

I even took a picture.

DR. CHRISTI: False positives like this happen.

And cycle-wise, it can be a lot of things...

stress, routine change.

You should come in for some tests,

just to be on the safe side.

Why would someone protest your liquor license?

Because as soon as the universe thinks

I might be the slightest bit happy,

it autocorrects.

Well, what're you gonna do? Fight it?

Fight who?

The people who don't want convenient access to wine?

Those are not rational people.

And somehow, I'm supposed to woo John's industry friends.

I think John may be trying to woo you.

What? No.

[blows] No.

No.

What? No.

- It's not a date. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, my goodness.

[dishes clanking]

- Hey. - Hey.

Okay.

You sure you're okay?

Yeah, no. I'm okay.

You don't wanna take the day?

I've already rescheduled a bunch.

They'll understand.

Seriously, Lee. I'm fine, really.

Okay.

I'll, um,

see you later, then?

Of course.

[keys jingling]

[door clicks]

[door closes]

CHARLES: ? I thought that truth and pain ?

? Were things that really mattered ?

? But you can't stay here ?

? With every single hope you had shattered ?

? Boom bada boom boom sha ?

? I'm not expecting to grow flowers in the desert ?

? But I can live and breathe and see the sun ?

? In winter... ?

Hello, Charles.

[sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

- Hi. - Hi.

- It's so nice to see you. - Yeah.

Likewise.

- Here. - Thank you very much.

Let's introduce you to some people.

- Okay. - Okay.

He works with a lot of small, Italian vineyards.

- Mm-hmm. - She's got under-the-radar

stuff in Sebastopol that's killing.

But this lady right here...

- Uh-huh. - Is the one you wanna charm.

- Okay. - She's, like,

- the fucking grape whisperer. - [laughs softly]

Everything she carries, you'll want.

Trust me. Hey.

John.

- Hey. - [laughs]

I haven't seen you since, what, Catalonia?

- Yeah, I think so. - What've you been up to?

- Just nursing that hangover. - Ah, right.

- Kim, this is Valerie. - Hi.

Valerie is opening her first shop soon,

and she won't admit it, but she's got amazing taste.

Oh, well...

And I've just saw her space. You'll love it.

Taste and space, the two most important things.

- I'll leave you guys to it. - Thank you.

Yes, if I could just master maintenance,

billing, licensing.

- Your first shop, huh? - Yeah.

Did you work in wine before?

No, actually... no.

I was, um, I was a therapist,

but my therapist has always been wine.

I was in marketing nearly 20 years before I started.

No fucking clue what I was doing,

only that I loved it.

Bizarre. I can't relate to any of that.

So, what kind of wines do you carry?

Well... oh no.

- This guy. - Who?

- Just... you'll see. - Okay.

Destiny moves in mysterious ways,

doesn't she, Valerie?

You two know each other?

Uh, no, not really, actually, I...

Are you kidding me?

- This woman changed my life... - Oh.

Once upon a time.

I don't... [stammers softly]

Hey, got a sec?

Not really.

What?

Um, I'm gonna e-mail you this waiver.

I'm doing some online cooking videos for this startup,

and they wanna make sure that you don't sue me

for falsely representing your brand,

which I obviously won't.

- No. - No?

No, you want me to sign away my rights

while you half-ass it here?

It's just some cooking on the side at home.

You don't cook at home. You cook for me.

I haven't cooked for you in months.

I've been cutting lettuce and polishing turnips.

You're the youngest, least experienced person here.

You wanna work in a good kitchen with good chefs?

Stop fucking around with web series

and earn it like everybody else has.

Frankly, I'm a little disappointed in myself.

Drug-induced dead dad dream...

kind of a clich� in a clich�.

But here we are, so,

I guess let's get this over with?

Hey, what do I need to know?

I beg you.

Whoever you are, please just...

just leave me alone, all right?

[panting]

No gyms in the afterlife, huh, Dad?

Listen, I think you're confused.

My name is Barry. Barry Millman.

Barry Millman?

Barry Millman, yes, from Des Moines.

Okay, Barry Millman from Des Moines.

Who are you? What are you doing here?

I'm just a humble CPA.

I'm enjoying a camping outing with my four lovely grandkids.

- That's it. - Right, fuck off.

Really? Such vulgarity?

Is that the only way you can express yourself

to a decent family man?

You do know a family man

tends to stay with their family, right, Dad?

Men express their love in all kinds of different ways.

And I query your claim that you're my son.

You look absolutely nothing like me.

Yeah, only gift you ever gave me, Charles.

This Charles you speak of...

sounds like he was a really terrible father.

You know, it's nice to hear you say that.

Oh, I remember now.

You're Alex,

Alex with the night bottles... [chuckles]

[lounge music]

? ?

Valerie, Valerie, Valerie.

- Hi, Byron. - I owe you an apology.

Accepted.

Story I told about you in class...[chuckles]

The way I humiliated you like that...

Wait, what?

How haunted you must've been.

Uh, uh-huh, yeah, like a specter.

So, our little May-December relationship didn't quite

work out the way we both wanted it to, did it?

Byron, we had one date.

That does not excuse what I did, okay?

And I have to live with that,

and I know words alone are not adequate.

Mm-kay, I forgive you. You are forgiven.

So, just please stop.

- It's just... okay. - Thank you, Val.

- It's fine. - Thanks again, by the way.

Hey, what are you even doing here anyway?

[clears throat] I'm opening a wine store.

[scoffs]

You always loved wine.

Yeah, I sure did.

Yeah, well, I know this little exotic cheese bar in...

[stammers] I'm with John.

Do you know John? He invited me, so I...

So you're with John now, huh?

- I get it. - Yes, I am.

I am with... I am with John.

Well, at least come meet some of the gang.

Took over my father's business a few years ago.

- Freak scuba accident. - Oh.

I still write on the side a little bit though.

Oh, good luck with that.

So, Dan, Roger.

Come over here for a minute, guys.

I want you to meet my ex-lover, Valerie.

What? No.

Hey.

Hey.

You would not believe

how insane some of Val's old patients are.

This one guy literally started flossing mid-session

with one of those plastic picks.

He didn't even say anything. He just went...

[stammers] I don't even know how she did it.

You know, it's okay to be disappointed.

I am.

No, I know. Me too.

- Yeah? - Of course.

Can I be honest with you?

Always.

When we found out I wasn't pregnant,

the first thing I felt was relief.

It's not what I wanted to hear.

But when I did,

it made me realize...

maybe I don't wanna do this.

Do... do what?

Have a baby?

And we talked about this, and you said...

I know, but it was always in the abstract.

When it became real,

I just... [sighs]

It's like women are pre-programmed

to want these things,

but...

Maybe that's not always true.

It's true for me.

Right.

So what do we do now?

I don't know.

What the fuck is wrong with you, Karen?

I don't understand how a person with an ounce of common sense

can think that that is acceptable.

Have you ever eaten food before?

Have you ever been to a restaurant?

Why would you think that is okay?

Don't cry. Fix it.

Fuck this.

Do it again.

[indistinct chatter]

- Hey. - [quietly] Sorry.

- There you are. - Hi, yes.

I was just telling these guys about your store.

Oh.

I got... I gotta get out of here.

Why? You just got here.

I know, but, um,

there's this guy here that I went out with,

and it's... I could tell you all about it later,

but anyway, uh...

[whispers] No.

- You didn't? - I did.

I really... I really did.

- Byron? - I...

But, um... oh, my God, he's coming over here.

So, I told him... he thinks we're together.

- That we're together? - [laughs] Yeah.

- Yeah. - Can you just...

- Yeah. - You can?

Yeah, we got this.

- Oh, hey. - Byron.

- John. - Hey, how you doing, buddy?

- Pretty good. - Good.

- How about you? - Great.

So, uh, you and Val, huh?

This is happening? Is this, like, a thing?

- Yeah, it's a thing. - Yeah.

- Hmm. - I think it's a thing.

I thought it was a thing.

- I like this thing. - Yeah, me too.

- I like this thing. - [forced laugh]

You're so funny, Val.

I miss that sweet sense of humor.

John, has she ever told you about her cheese thing?

Yeah, she used to love cheese... at least when we were together.

Actually, yes.

Weirdly, she wants a cheese fridge

all to herself.

- I like cheese. - Well, who doesn't?

- [laughter] - Me too.

Cheese is so good.

Mozzarella, melted. Gouda too.

Gruy�re. Hey, listen to me.

I just... I have to tell you this.

I'm so sorry. I just... you're the first woman

to end things with me like that,

- and it's never happened... - Oh.

Quite like that for me, but, hey, John,

you're cool, man. This isn't about you, but...

- Eh. - But I have to do this.

- Yeah? - Do you ever think about me?

Or wonder what could've been?

Um, you know,

Byron, uh,

some flames are just...

they're just too bright to last the night.

- You know? - [exhales]

- Yeah, yeah. - Right?

- Do you understand? - Sort of.

Okay.

Well, every rose doth have its thorn.

- Oh, wow. - Shakespeare.

- Okay. - I'll take my leave, my lady.

- Oh. - I know. I know.

I know. I know. Can we?

- Yeah, let's go. - Okay.

[birds chirping]

What is this, Dad?

Some sort of a shrine, I reckon.

[sighs]

They're saying you have something to tell me.

What? Who's "they"?

Bill Walton and Big Country.

Okay, I'm gonna kill you. Again.

Come on now. No need to be bashful.

Got something to say, come on out.

- Tell me. - We did this already.

We got closure, and then you expired on my couch.

- They seemed pretty certain. - Oh, my God,

would you just give me a straight answer?

- What am I doing here? - Poor Alex.

Always searching for what's right in front of him.

What, this?

Huh? This? This? This?

Look, I'm breaking the bottles!

I'm breaking the fucking bottles!

I'm conquering my fear, or my shame,

or whatever the fuck this is supposed to be!

Don't look at me. It's your metaphor.

[groans, screams]

Just tell me what I need to know,

or go the fuck away.

As you wish.

[ethereal flute plays intro to "In A Big Country"]

? ?

[rain pattering]

MAN: Oi.

[sputters]

You all right, then?

Told you he's not bloody dead.

Hey.

[Aretha Franklin's "Do Right Woman, Do Right Man"]

[softly] Wow.

Okay.

ARETHA: ? Take me to heart ?

"Every rose doth have its thorn"...

[laughter]

Byron the poet.

[laughs]

Will you please make sure to tell everyone there...

What, that you're the love of his life?

'Cause I think they already know.

Oh, I get it. Just forget it.

Oh, man. Does it get easier?

'Cause right now, my... my license is contested,

my pipes are leaking, my shelves are wrong.

No, that's Mickey Mouse stuff.

Well, for you, maybe, but...

Well, then let me help.

Oh, my God, all you do is help.

I like it.

I... I'm so sorry that you got dragged into that, by the way.

I... he assumed, I took the cover,

and it was just... I know that it wasn't...

I know that it's not... we're not on a... yeah.

Yeah, no. Of course.

Kinda hoped it was though.

ARETHA: ? You should understand ?

? She's not just a... ?

Really?

I mean, I didn't wanna say anything just in case,

but... yeah.

ARETHA: ? If you wanna ?

- ? Do right ? - WOMEN: ? Do right do right ?

- ARETHA: ? All day ? - WOMEN: ? Do right do right ?

Next time?

- I could do a next time. - Okay.

ARETHA: ? You gotta be a ?

- ? Do right ? - WOMEN: ? Do right do right ?

- ARETHA: ? All night ? - WOMEN: ? Do right do right ?

? Man ?

WOMEN: ? Man ?

So,

was it, or wasn't it?

[laughs softly] It was...

or, it will be.

Will that make things weird for you at work?

- No. - Okay.

ARETHA: ? All night ?

? Man ?

? ?

Hey.

Quiet if you go upstairs, okay?

'Cause Carrie's napping.

Jesus,

the fuck happened to you?

Hey, so, I'm in love with you.

[snorts]

[sighs]

[Big Country's "In a Big Country"]

? ?

BIG COUNTRY: ? Come up screaming ?

? ?

? Come up screaming ?

? ?

? I've never seen you look like this without a reason ?

? Another promise fallen through ?

? Another season passes by ?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0