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Previously on "Casual"...
2
00:00:04,027 --> 00:00:06,529
What do you do with your spare time?
3
00:00:06,530 --> 00:00:08,531
I started a website
that's kind of taken off.
4
00:00:08,532 --> 00:00:10,032
Mostly I just hang out.
5
00:00:10,033 --> 00:00:12,201
- What's the site?
- Snooger.com.
6
00:00:12,202 --> 00:00:14,169
- Hello?
- Alex, it's Paul.
7
00:00:14,170 --> 00:00:15,504
Oh, uh, hi, Paul.
8
00:00:15,505 --> 00:00:17,473
Why are you fucking with our code?
9
00:00:17,474 --> 00:00:18,707
To make it better.
10
00:00:18,708 --> 00:00:20,643
(Mia) Has Emile said anything?
11
00:00:20,644 --> 00:00:24,213
(Laura) He can say whatever
he wants. I've moved on.
12
00:00:24,214 --> 00:00:25,281
- Hi.
- Oh, hey.
13
00:00:25,282 --> 00:00:27,416
Wouldn't a spoon be easier?
14
00:00:27,417 --> 00:00:28,684
Boog took all the spoons.
15
00:00:28,685 --> 00:00:30,486
Yeah, we're gonna get them back.
16
00:00:30,487 --> 00:00:33,622
We've been having this prank
war for, like, two years.
17
00:00:33,623 --> 00:00:34,623
Is your mom joining us?
18
00:00:34,624 --> 00:00:36,091
No, she's staying out.
19
00:00:36,092 --> 00:00:39,429
The woman is full of surprises.
20
00:00:49,506 --> 00:00:51,106
Do you want me to make some coffee?
21
00:00:51,107 --> 00:00:54,144
[sighs, mumbles] Mm-mm.
22
00:00:57,113 --> 00:00:58,714
Um...
23
00:00:58,715 --> 00:01:02,017
Last night was really, really...
24
00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:04,620
really great.
25
00:01:04,621 --> 00:01:06,156
Mm.
26
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,135
I'll call you later. Okay?
27
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,960
28
00:01:59,442 --> 00:02:03,612
[line trilling]
29
00:02:03,613 --> 00:02:04,613
(Annaleigh) Snooger.
30
00:02:04,614 --> 00:02:06,482
Yeah, Paul Schmidt, please.
31
00:02:06,483 --> 00:02:08,150
This is Annaleigh in Paul's
office, how may I help you?
32
00:02:08,151 --> 00:02:10,386
Anna who? Where's Danielle?
33
00:02:10,387 --> 00:02:12,554
She no longer works here.
May I ask who's calling?
34
00:02:12,555 --> 00:02:13,789
Alex Cole?
35
00:02:13,790 --> 00:02:16,258
Oh. Sorry. Let me try to get Paul.
36
00:02:16,259 --> 00:02:17,660
Wait. Danielle left?
37
00:02:17,661 --> 00:02:20,029
Yeah, she had a
going-away party on Monday.
38
00:02:20,030 --> 00:02:22,331
There was a cake and everything.
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00:02:22,332 --> 00:02:23,365
What kind of cake?
40
00:02:23,366 --> 00:02:26,101
Carrot.
41
00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:29,104
I like carrot cake.
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00:02:29,105 --> 00:02:31,073
Looks like Paul's in
the middle of something,
43
00:02:31,074 --> 00:02:32,675
but can I have him call you back?
44
00:02:32,676 --> 00:02:34,276
You know, I'll just come by the office.
45
00:02:34,277 --> 00:02:35,678
What's his schedule like today?
46
00:02:35,679 --> 00:02:38,614
Besides the 11:30
interview, he's wide open.
47
00:02:38,615 --> 00:02:41,050
- 11:30 interview?
- Yeah, did you want to join?
48
00:02:41,051 --> 00:02:43,352
I didn't know anything
about an 11:30 interview.
49
00:02:43,353 --> 00:02:44,386
Hold on.
50
00:02:44,387 --> 00:02:45,788
Did you want Alex to join you
51
00:02:45,789 --> 00:02:47,523
for the 11:30 interview
with FiberTopics?
52
00:02:47,524 --> 00:02:49,625
[whispering] Absolutely not.
53
00:02:49,626 --> 00:02:52,294
Did you tell him about it?
54
00:02:52,295 --> 00:02:56,098
Alex. Sorry about the mix-up.
Uh, no need to come in.
55
00:02:56,099 --> 00:02:58,000
Yeah, put Paul on the phone.
56
00:02:58,001 --> 00:02:59,268
He'll call you back.
57
00:02:59,269 --> 00:03:01,471
[stammers, sighs]
58
00:03:03,373 --> 00:03:05,475
[lock clicks]
59
00:03:07,444 --> 00:03:09,778
Someone had a sleepover.
60
00:03:09,779 --> 00:03:13,282
That's right. [giggles]
61
00:03:13,283 --> 00:03:15,584
- With a 23-year-old.
- What?
62
00:03:15,585 --> 00:03:18,554
- How'd you pull that off?
- I lured him into my car...
63
00:03:18,555 --> 00:03:21,223
with candy.
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00:03:21,224 --> 00:03:23,192
You feel better? You look better.
65
00:03:23,193 --> 00:03:26,261
God, he was attentive.
He was communicative.
66
00:03:26,262 --> 00:03:29,398
He was totally focused on my needs.
67
00:03:29,399 --> 00:03:32,000
He made me come three times.
68
00:03:32,001 --> 00:03:35,104
Oh, that's sweet. He was
trying to impress you.
69
00:03:35,105 --> 00:03:36,405
I mean, there was this one moment
70
00:03:36,406 --> 00:03:39,308
when we were getting naked that was...
71
00:03:39,309 --> 00:03:41,243
A moment?
72
00:03:41,244 --> 00:03:44,279
Yeah, he looked at my
body like he was kind of...
73
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,181
He was confused or something.
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00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:48,550
Mm.
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00:03:48,551 --> 00:03:50,419
Oh, God. Um...
76
00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:53,255
What... what you got growing down there?
77
00:03:53,256 --> 00:03:57,159
- Excuse me?
- Do you wax or shave?
78
00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,328
I trim with scissors.
79
00:03:59,329 --> 00:04:01,997
With scissors? Like pruning shears?
80
00:04:01,998 --> 00:04:04,233
Val, if you're gonna put in
the effort, why half-ass it?
81
00:04:04,234 --> 00:04:07,569
Because I don't need my vagina
to look like a five-year-old's.
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00:04:07,570 --> 00:04:09,471
We live in a sick,
youth-obsessed culture.
83
00:04:09,472 --> 00:04:12,241
Five-year-old vagina
is the gold standard.
84
00:04:12,242 --> 00:04:14,643
Ugh, that is really... just gross.
85
00:04:14,644 --> 00:04:17,079
All I'm saying is that most women wax
86
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,413
the day they expect to have sex.
87
00:04:18,414 --> 00:04:19,782
That's just rule number one.
88
00:04:19,783 --> 00:04:22,718
What's rule number two...
bleach your asshole?
89
00:04:22,719 --> 00:04:25,554
You don't?
90
00:04:25,555 --> 00:04:27,623
Just please don't send him any nudes...
91
00:04:27,624 --> 00:04:28,991
yet.
92
00:04:28,992 --> 00:04:30,125
I didn't.
93
00:04:30,126 --> 00:04:32,661
I sent him a normal text with words.
94
00:04:32,662 --> 00:04:35,465
But not this morning, right?
95
00:04:39,269 --> 00:04:42,337
Oh, God. What did you do?
96
00:04:42,338 --> 00:04:44,274
Let me see your phone.
97
00:04:50,213 --> 00:04:52,114
"Had so much fun last night.
98
00:04:52,115 --> 00:04:53,682
"I folder your clothes.
99
00:04:53,683 --> 00:04:55,284
"Folded your clothed.
100
00:04:55,285 --> 00:04:57,119
"Ha ha. Clothes.
101
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,621
I folded your clothes. Got it?"
102
00:04:59,622 --> 00:05:00,789
It kept autocorrecting.
103
00:05:00,790 --> 00:05:02,257
You folded his clothes?
104
00:05:02,258 --> 00:05:03,759
What are you, his maid?
105
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:05,594
No, it just seemed
like a nice thing to do.
106
00:05:05,595 --> 00:05:07,029
Men don't want nice.
107
00:05:07,030 --> 00:05:08,230
They want bitchy and self-obsessed,
108
00:05:08,231 --> 00:05:10,165
and they want a challenge.
109
00:05:10,166 --> 00:05:13,036
- You're projecting.
- That doesn't mean I'm wrong.
110
00:05:16,339 --> 00:05:17,773
Okay, so what do I do?
111
00:05:17,774 --> 00:05:20,008
Chalk it up as a learning experience.
112
00:05:20,009 --> 00:05:21,210
You'll be better prepared next time.
113
00:05:21,211 --> 00:05:22,711
But I like this guy.
114
00:05:22,712 --> 00:05:24,346
Well, then you shouldn't
have texted him six times
115
00:05:24,347 --> 00:05:25,380
and done his laundry.
116
00:05:25,381 --> 00:05:27,616
[sighs]
117
00:05:27,617 --> 00:05:28,617
He could text back.
118
00:05:28,618 --> 00:05:30,219
Yeah, he could...
119
00:05:30,220 --> 00:05:33,022
in four months at 2:00 a.m.
120
00:05:39,095 --> 00:05:41,030
[school bell rings]
121
00:05:51,241 --> 00:05:53,508
You going in for the kill?
122
00:05:53,509 --> 00:05:57,045
I only intend to wound.
The chase is half the fun.
123
00:05:57,046 --> 00:05:58,781
Sounds like fear to me.
124
00:06:10,026 --> 00:06:11,560
Hi, Michael.
125
00:06:11,561 --> 00:06:13,161
Laura.
126
00:06:13,162 --> 00:06:15,597
Are you free after school today?
127
00:06:15,598 --> 00:06:18,100
I would love if if you could
take a look at my camera.
128
00:06:18,101 --> 00:06:19,568
Yeah, I-I can't today.
129
00:06:19,569 --> 00:06:21,370
But if you're free for lunch,
130
00:06:21,371 --> 00:06:22,704
I think I can help you out.
131
00:06:22,705 --> 00:06:24,539
Would you? That would be great.
132
00:06:24,540 --> 00:06:26,308
[chuckles]
133
00:06:26,309 --> 00:06:29,344
You know the picnic tables
behind the athletic center?
134
00:06:29,345 --> 00:06:33,081
Why don't you meet me there at 1:00?
135
00:06:33,082 --> 00:06:35,051
I'll be discreet.
136
00:06:38,121 --> 00:06:39,621
Well?
137
00:06:39,622 --> 00:06:41,557
First blood.
138
00:06:45,094 --> 00:06:47,095
- Can I help you?
- Here to see Paul.
139
00:06:47,096 --> 00:06:48,363
And you are?
140
00:06:48,364 --> 00:06:50,366
Alex Cole, cofounder of the company.
141
00:06:53,336 --> 00:06:55,137
Do you have any of
that carrot cake left?
142
00:06:55,138 --> 00:06:56,605
(Paul) Oh, yes, you'll
come in next week.
143
00:06:56,606 --> 00:06:58,106
We'll look at numbers.
144
00:06:58,107 --> 00:06:59,708
Yeah, no, Jordan, I
have to leave you now.
145
00:06:59,709 --> 00:07:02,544
Someone just walked in.
146
00:07:02,545 --> 00:07:04,780
- Alex.
- Hey, Paul.
147
00:07:04,781 --> 00:07:06,782
I was starting to think
you'd forgotten about us.
148
00:07:06,783 --> 00:07:09,017
What's this interview?
149
00:07:09,018 --> 00:07:11,286
Interview? Oh, uh...
150
00:07:11,287 --> 00:07:15,557
Nothing, it's a little
puff piece for FiberTopics.
151
00:07:15,558 --> 00:07:16,758
Hmm, you didn't think to tell me?
152
00:07:16,759 --> 00:07:17,759
You hate journalists.
153
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:19,161
No, I don't.
154
00:07:19,162 --> 00:07:20,395
I hate that everyone with a computer
155
00:07:20,396 --> 00:07:21,563
thinks they're a journalist.
156
00:07:21,564 --> 00:07:23,131
They're liars and gossip peddlers,
157
00:07:23,132 --> 00:07:25,701
but I don't hate them.
158
00:07:25,702 --> 00:07:27,402
You should've told me, man.
159
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,738
Oh, honestly, I didn't think you'd care.
160
00:07:29,739 --> 00:07:31,406
We haven't seen you in a couple weeks.
161
00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:33,008
Yeah, been working on the algorithm.
162
00:07:33,009 --> 00:07:34,543
You're always working on the algorithm.
163
00:07:34,544 --> 00:07:35,544
'Cause it's not right.
164
00:07:35,545 --> 00:07:38,180
113,000 people disagree.
165
00:07:38,181 --> 00:07:39,481
Paul, our subscribers
are lonely and desperate.
166
00:07:39,482 --> 00:07:41,116
They'll believe anything.
167
00:07:41,117 --> 00:07:42,584
Is this what you'd
tell the interviewer...
168
00:07:42,585 --> 00:07:44,720
that our site doesn't work?
169
00:07:44,721 --> 00:07:46,755
No, of course not.
170
00:07:46,756 --> 00:07:48,190
I just want to make it perfect.
171
00:07:48,191 --> 00:07:50,692
And it will be. It will be, okay?
172
00:07:50,693 --> 00:07:54,163
But right now we need to
focus on the good, not the bad.
173
00:07:56,199 --> 00:07:59,334
Let me do the interview.
174
00:07:59,335 --> 00:08:00,569
I don't think that's a good idea.
175
00:08:00,570 --> 00:08:03,205
Come on, we started
this company together.
176
00:08:03,206 --> 00:08:05,440
I need to get more involved around here.
177
00:08:05,441 --> 00:08:08,344
Let me do it. Let me do this one.
178
00:08:11,214 --> 00:08:12,581
Please don't fuck it up.
179
00:08:12,582 --> 00:08:13,749
Paul, come on, It's me.
180
00:08:13,750 --> 00:08:15,685
When have I ever fucked anything up?
181
00:08:19,474 --> 00:08:21,423
I think I'm dating a psychopath.
182
00:08:21,424 --> 00:08:23,358
Hmm. What makes you say that?
183
00:08:23,359 --> 00:08:24,993
Eh, it's just, like, a feeling.
184
00:08:24,994 --> 00:08:26,561
Like, when we cook together,
185
00:08:26,562 --> 00:08:28,463
I am afraid that she's
gonna pick up the knife
186
00:08:28,464 --> 00:08:30,198
and slit my throat.
187
00:08:30,199 --> 00:08:31,666
That sounds very stressful.
188
00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:34,169
Yeah, I guess now that
I say it out loud, it is.
189
00:08:34,170 --> 00:08:35,437
Well, Anthony, do you really think
190
00:08:35,438 --> 00:08:37,406
she might actually hurt you?
191
00:08:37,407 --> 00:08:40,042
Oh, yeah, 100%. Definitely.
192
00:08:40,043 --> 00:08:42,044
Yeah, it's just a
matter of time, I think.
193
00:08:42,045 --> 00:08:43,045
It's coming.
194
00:08:43,046 --> 00:08:46,648
Then, it's probably...
195
00:08:46,649 --> 00:08:49,017
best that you distance
yourself from her.
196
00:08:49,018 --> 00:08:50,719
It must be hard to be
intimate with someone
197
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,021
that you don't feel really safe with.
198
00:08:53,022 --> 00:08:54,556
Oh, God, no. Quite
the opposite, actually.
199
00:08:54,557 --> 00:08:58,160
- The, um... the sex is amazing.
- Oh.
200
00:08:58,161 --> 00:09:02,497
Yeah, every time we fuck, it's
like a struggle to survive.
201
00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:04,366
[Dinosaur Jr.'s Feel the Pain]
202
00:09:04,367 --> 00:09:07,669
I feel the pain of everyone
203
00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:10,372
(Alex) Oh, whiff!
204
00:09:10,373 --> 00:09:12,641
- Wow, hey.
- Oh, no, no.
205
00:09:12,642 --> 00:09:14,209
Please, no more.
206
00:09:14,210 --> 00:09:16,611
Hey, you wanted the
Alex Cole experience.
207
00:09:16,612 --> 00:09:19,347
You're getting it, baby.
208
00:09:19,348 --> 00:09:21,216
- [groans]
- Oh, man.
209
00:09:21,217 --> 00:09:22,551
Okay.
210
00:09:22,552 --> 00:09:24,386
You might be the happiest man in tech.
211
00:09:24,387 --> 00:09:26,188
[clears throat]
212
00:09:26,189 --> 00:09:28,157
Sure, I help people find
love. How could I not be?
213
00:09:29,992 --> 00:09:31,593
There are some people that say...
214
00:09:31,594 --> 00:09:34,196
your site's only good
for a one-night stand.
215
00:09:34,197 --> 00:09:35,697
I suppose you could use
it that way if you wanted,
216
00:09:35,698 --> 00:09:37,265
but that's not what we intended.
217
00:09:37,266 --> 00:09:38,600
Do you have a profile?
218
00:09:38,601 --> 00:09:41,136
Yeah, sure. You always
test your product.
219
00:09:41,137 --> 00:09:43,004
Okay. Any luck?
220
00:09:43,005 --> 00:09:44,606
Have you found love?
221
00:09:44,607 --> 00:09:47,409
No, but I will.
222
00:09:47,410 --> 00:09:49,544
And you think you will on your site?
223
00:09:49,545 --> 00:09:53,014
Sure. Look, ocean's full of fish, right?
224
00:09:53,015 --> 00:09:55,717
On Snooger, they all want to get caught.
225
00:09:55,718 --> 00:09:59,054
So I just hope I catch one.
226
00:09:59,055 --> 00:10:01,389
Or that one catches me.
227
00:10:01,390 --> 00:10:02,557
- Yes!
- Oh, there it is.
228
00:10:02,558 --> 00:10:03,992
Yes!
229
00:10:03,993 --> 00:10:05,427
All right, I think I got all I need.
230
00:10:05,428 --> 00:10:06,761
You give a good interview, man.
231
00:10:06,762 --> 00:10:08,230
Oh, well, thank you, sir.
232
00:10:08,231 --> 00:10:09,564
How much do I owe you for the beer?
233
00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:11,266
No, no, no. I got it.
234
00:10:11,267 --> 00:10:12,701
- I look forward to reading it.
- Hey, my pleasure.
235
00:10:12,702 --> 00:10:14,503
Yeah, this was fun. Good meeting you.
236
00:10:14,504 --> 00:10:16,439
- Get home safe.
- All right, you too.
237
00:10:22,545 --> 00:10:23,678
For me?
238
00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:25,347
What you said about getting caught...
239
00:10:25,348 --> 00:10:26,348
that was really sweet.
240
00:10:26,349 --> 00:10:27,616
Mind if I use it in my blog?
241
00:10:27,617 --> 00:10:29,050
Sure.
242
00:10:29,051 --> 00:10:31,586
Total bullshit, but he ate it up.
243
00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:33,155
I mean, do you think it's the danger
244
00:10:33,156 --> 00:10:34,456
that you're attracted to?
245
00:10:34,457 --> 00:10:35,790
She's impulsive.
246
00:10:35,791 --> 00:10:37,993
And she surprises me. I do like that.
247
00:10:37,994 --> 00:10:40,195
- We all crave novelty.
- Totally.
248
00:10:40,196 --> 00:10:42,397
Last week she slashed two of my tires
249
00:10:42,398 --> 00:10:44,466
so I'd have to call her for a ride,
250
00:10:44,467 --> 00:10:46,101
and then we had sex in the parking lot.
251
00:10:46,102 --> 00:10:47,435
I'm going to be honest
with you, Anthony.
252
00:10:47,436 --> 00:10:50,739
I think... You know, she
sounds a little unstable.
253
00:10:50,740 --> 00:10:54,042
Yeah, for sure. I agree.
254
00:10:54,043 --> 00:10:56,111
I think I love her.
255
00:10:56,112 --> 00:10:57,612
Or, um...
256
00:10:57,613 --> 00:10:58,713
you're just looking to be punished.
257
00:10:58,714 --> 00:11:00,248
After what you did to Joanne,
258
00:11:00,249 --> 00:11:02,284
maybe it's what you
think that you deserve.
259
00:11:02,285 --> 00:11:05,287
What?
260
00:11:05,288 --> 00:11:06,588
Because of... you're...
261
00:11:06,589 --> 00:11:08,690
You think it's related to Joanne.
262
00:11:08,691 --> 00:11:10,392
I think that we should
pick this up next week.
263
00:11:10,393 --> 00:11:12,093
All right, that's it. Great, okay.
264
00:11:12,094 --> 00:11:13,195
- That was the... that's the hour?
- Yeah.
265
00:11:13,196 --> 00:11:14,496
Just seems a little quick.
266
00:11:14,497 --> 00:11:15,764
Do you think I deserve to be punished?
267
00:11:15,765 --> 00:11:17,065
I don't know what I think.
268
00:11:17,066 --> 00:11:18,300
Oh, okay. Thanks so much.
269
00:11:18,301 --> 00:11:19,768
- Thank you.
- Okay.
270
00:11:19,769 --> 00:11:21,169
- Have a great weekend.
- All right, I'll try.
271
00:11:21,170 --> 00:11:23,239
[door closes]
272
00:11:27,510 --> 00:11:29,377
[exhales deeply] God.
273
00:11:29,378 --> 00:11:31,479
Hey, this is Alex. Leave a message.
274
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,481
Or don't. I'll look at my call log...
275
00:11:33,482 --> 00:11:34,683
Alex. Alex.
276
00:11:34,684 --> 00:11:36,184
- [beep]
- Alex, hi.
277
00:11:36,185 --> 00:11:37,452
Where are you? I don't know why...
278
00:11:37,453 --> 00:11:40,188
Okay, he's... he's texting.
279
00:11:40,189 --> 00:11:41,623
Or he's typing. I don't know.
280
00:11:41,624 --> 00:11:43,491
The dot-dot-dot has been going on
281
00:11:43,492 --> 00:11:45,694
for, like, two minutes right now, so...
282
00:11:45,695 --> 00:11:47,095
What does that mean?
283
00:11:47,096 --> 00:11:48,597
What is the rule on the dot-dot-dot?
284
00:11:48,598 --> 00:11:50,198
Is there a rule or something?
285
00:11:50,199 --> 00:11:53,335
Can I not... Are you...
Where are you? Okay?
286
00:11:53,336 --> 00:11:55,570
'Cause I just feel like I'm
about to do something really,
287
00:11:55,571 --> 00:11:58,173
really impulsive, and I just...
288
00:11:58,174 --> 00:12:00,308
All right, you're not even
going to listen to this.
289
00:12:00,309 --> 00:12:02,211
So fuck you. Okay.
290
00:12:12,421 --> 00:12:14,723
What is this?
291
00:12:14,724 --> 00:12:17,359
Photo Club. We meet every Thursday.
292
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:18,593
Photo Club?
293
00:12:18,594 --> 00:12:20,128
Yeah. Yeah, sit down.
294
00:12:20,129 --> 00:12:22,064
We were just talking about light meters.
295
00:12:26,202 --> 00:12:27,737
Laura?
296
00:12:29,505 --> 00:12:31,506
And behold...
297
00:12:31,507 --> 00:12:33,475
the perfect Snooger profile.
298
00:12:33,476 --> 00:12:35,710
Let's see.
299
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:39,114
All right, "looking for dating."
300
00:12:39,115 --> 00:12:40,515
"Who am I?
301
00:12:40,516 --> 00:12:42,784
"An honest guy who knows what he wants.
302
00:12:42,785 --> 00:12:44,653
"Gentleman with edge.
303
00:12:44,654 --> 00:12:48,723
"Interests... good sex,
dance, hiking, pizza,
304
00:12:48,724 --> 00:12:50,625
The Shawshank Redemption "?
305
00:12:50,626 --> 00:12:53,662
Statistically, the most liked
and least controversial movie
306
00:12:53,663 --> 00:12:55,630
among women ages 21 to 45.
307
00:12:55,631 --> 00:12:57,399
It is an Oscar nominee,
308
00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,135
shows that I have sophisticated
but accessible taste.
309
00:13:00,136 --> 00:13:01,303
Well, I hated it.
310
00:13:01,304 --> 00:13:03,772
Me too. It's so obvious.
311
00:13:03,773 --> 00:13:06,441
And Tim Robbins looks like a ghoul.
312
00:13:06,442 --> 00:13:08,009
Who's the girl in your picture?
313
00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:10,245
Doesn't matter. Solid 9 1/2.
314
00:13:10,246 --> 00:13:11,546
It's intriguing. Girls
want to know how I did it.
315
00:13:11,547 --> 00:13:13,014
They want to find out for themselves.
316
00:13:13,015 --> 00:13:15,283
- And dance and hiking?
- No.
317
00:13:15,284 --> 00:13:17,485
Aimless movement... not for me.
318
00:13:17,486 --> 00:13:19,154
So all of your answers are fake.
319
00:13:19,155 --> 00:13:21,556
No. I like pizza and sex.
320
00:13:21,557 --> 00:13:23,992
- So do I.
- So does everybody.
321
00:13:23,993 --> 00:13:25,327
Kind of the point.
322
00:13:25,328 --> 00:13:27,162
So what would happen if
you filled your profile
323
00:13:27,163 --> 00:13:28,763
with... I don't know... real answers?
324
00:13:28,764 --> 00:13:30,532
- Wouldn't work.
- How do you know?
325
00:13:30,533 --> 00:13:32,300
- I tried it.
- And?
326
00:13:32,301 --> 00:13:34,002
I answered every question honestly,
327
00:13:34,003 --> 00:13:37,172
set the match parameter to 100%,
328
00:13:37,173 --> 00:13:40,608
and it sat there for two years.
329
00:13:40,609 --> 00:13:42,043
No matches.
330
00:13:42,044 --> 00:13:43,712
- Huh.
- Yeah.
331
00:13:43,713 --> 00:13:46,448
Know how many matches I
got the day I put this up?
332
00:13:46,449 --> 00:13:49,184
2,640.
333
00:13:49,185 --> 00:13:50,252
Wow.
334
00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:06,634
What are you doing?
335
00:14:06,635 --> 00:14:08,770
Huh? Nothing.
336
00:14:08,771 --> 00:14:11,239
There are people who do that
professionally, you know.
337
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,641
Oh. God bless 'em.
338
00:14:13,642 --> 00:14:15,110
It's really not that bad.
339
00:14:15,111 --> 00:14:17,078
I could give you a recommendation.
340
00:14:17,079 --> 00:14:18,079
You do this?
341
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:19,647
Not to myself.
342
00:14:19,648 --> 00:14:21,616
Oh, God, I... This...
343
00:14:21,617 --> 00:14:23,618
I mean, I just...
344
00:14:23,619 --> 00:14:25,754
I don't know what's underneath there.
345
00:14:25,755 --> 00:14:27,689
What if I don't like it?
346
00:14:27,690 --> 00:14:29,691
You will.
347
00:14:29,692 --> 00:14:31,527
I promise.
348
00:14:33,596 --> 00:14:37,098
I'll make a call.
349
00:14:37,099 --> 00:14:39,168
She'll make a call.
350
00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:45,740
- You're a cynic.
- No, I'm pragmatic.
351
00:14:45,741 --> 00:14:47,743
Some of us are destined to be alone.
352
00:14:49,345 --> 00:14:51,212
That is so sad.
353
00:14:51,213 --> 00:14:54,048
- That's life.
- [chuckles] Not for me.
354
00:14:54,049 --> 00:14:56,117
Yeah, you got someone
waiting for you at home?
355
00:14:56,118 --> 00:14:58,052
Tonight? Maybe not.
356
00:14:58,053 --> 00:14:59,187
But tomorrow who knows?
357
00:14:59,188 --> 00:15:01,156
God knows I'm not perfect,
358
00:15:01,157 --> 00:15:02,724
but there is an imperfect
somebody out there
359
00:15:02,725 --> 00:15:04,058
waiting for me.
360
00:15:04,059 --> 00:15:07,061
If only you could find him.
361
00:15:07,062 --> 00:15:08,329
You say you want to fish, right?
362
00:15:08,330 --> 00:15:09,731
That your profile is bait?
363
00:15:09,732 --> 00:15:11,299
Sounds like you do too.
364
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:13,668
No. I don't know what I want.
365
00:15:13,669 --> 00:15:15,069
Maybe its a fish,
366
00:15:15,070 --> 00:15:17,672
or maybe it's a mammal or a reptile.
367
00:15:17,673 --> 00:15:20,175
But you're stuck in the
water, and that perfect someone
368
00:15:20,176 --> 00:15:22,043
could be walking along the shore,
369
00:15:22,044 --> 00:15:24,780
and you would never
even know she exists.
370
00:15:26,148 --> 00:15:28,284
[chuckles]
371
00:15:30,453 --> 00:15:34,189
The trouble with dreams,
they're not what they seem
372
00:15:34,190 --> 00:15:35,690
'Cause when you awake
373
00:15:35,691 --> 00:15:37,659
They fall through your fingers
374
00:15:37,660 --> 00:15:41,660
In flakes
375
00:15:43,199 --> 00:15:45,433
They fall through your fingers
376
00:15:45,434 --> 00:15:49,434
In flakes
377
00:15:53,442 --> 00:15:57,045
[moans]
378
00:15:57,046 --> 00:15:59,013
You go
379
00:15:59,014 --> 00:16:01,216
Whoa, oh, oh,
380
00:16:01,217 --> 00:16:05,217
Whoa, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
381
00:16:06,255 --> 00:16:08,356
Whoa, oh, oh
382
00:16:08,357 --> 00:16:12,357
Whoa, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
383
00:16:14,029 --> 00:16:17,999
384
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,702
[phone rings]
385
00:16:23,739 --> 00:16:26,308
- [phone beeps]
- Hello?
386
00:16:29,078 --> 00:16:31,246
Hello?
387
00:16:31,247 --> 00:16:32,780
(woman) Who is this?
388
00:16:32,781 --> 00:16:34,382
You called.
389
00:16:34,383 --> 00:16:36,584
Are you one of Alex's girlfriends?
390
00:16:36,585 --> 00:16:38,386
No, it's Laura, his niece.
391
00:16:38,387 --> 00:16:39,787
Laura!
392
00:16:39,788 --> 00:16:41,756
It's your grandmother Dawn.
393
00:16:41,757 --> 00:16:44,325
Oh.
394
00:16:44,326 --> 00:16:45,627
Hi, Grandma.
395
00:16:45,628 --> 00:16:47,462
Dawn.
396
00:16:47,463 --> 00:16:48,563
Where are you?
397
00:16:48,564 --> 00:16:50,632
Sedona, Arizona.
398
00:16:50,633 --> 00:16:52,233
I thought you were in Portland.
399
00:16:52,234 --> 00:16:54,636
I left Portland five years ago.
400
00:16:54,637 --> 00:16:56,070
Too conservative.
401
00:16:56,071 --> 00:16:58,106
I've heard that.
402
00:16:58,107 --> 00:17:00,108
Why are you at Alex's house?
403
00:17:00,109 --> 00:17:03,144
Uh, my Mom and I are staying
here since the divorce.
404
00:17:03,145 --> 00:17:05,047
Valerie got divorced?
405
00:17:11,487 --> 00:17:13,488
Are you okay?
406
00:17:13,489 --> 00:17:14,656
Huh? Yeah.
407
00:17:14,657 --> 00:17:17,191
I just...
408
00:17:17,192 --> 00:17:19,661
Never done this, ever.
409
00:17:19,662 --> 00:17:21,663
You've never gone home
with a girl you just met?
410
00:17:21,664 --> 00:17:23,665
- Please.
- No, of course I've done that.
411
00:17:23,666 --> 00:17:27,502
I've just never slept with
someone for their personality.
412
00:17:27,503 --> 00:17:28,703
How do you mean?
413
00:17:28,704 --> 00:17:30,605
I mean, you're just not my type.
414
00:17:30,606 --> 00:17:34,543
It's like normal physical
attraction doesn't even matter.
415
00:17:37,246 --> 00:17:40,249
Thank you. I've learned a lot.
416
00:17:44,587 --> 00:17:46,555
[cell phone rings]
417
00:17:48,123 --> 00:17:51,026
[cell phone ringing]
418
00:17:54,630 --> 00:17:57,599
[elevator bell dings]
419
00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,602
[Courtney Barnette's
Pedestrian At Best playing]
420
00:18:00,603 --> 00:18:04,603
421
00:18:09,445 --> 00:18:11,412
But I'll still be in your head
422
00:18:11,413 --> 00:18:13,648
Put me on a pedestal...
423
00:18:13,649 --> 00:18:16,184
Hi.
424
00:18:16,185 --> 00:18:18,486
Hey.
425
00:18:18,487 --> 00:18:19,654
Tell me I'm exceptional
426
00:18:19,655 --> 00:18:21,022
Um...
427
00:18:21,023 --> 00:18:23,024
I promise to exploit you
428
00:18:23,025 --> 00:18:24,258
I brought spoons.
429
00:18:24,259 --> 00:18:27,028
Oh, good! We need those.
430
00:18:27,029 --> 00:18:28,763
Who is that woman?
431
00:18:28,764 --> 00:18:29,764
Uh...
432
00:18:29,765 --> 00:18:32,367
433
00:18:32,368 --> 00:18:33,534
Do you want to come in?
434
00:18:33,535 --> 00:18:35,169
I think you're a joke
435
00:18:35,170 --> 00:18:39,170
But I don't find you very funny
436
00:18:40,709 --> 00:18:42,010
437
00:18:42,011 --> 00:18:44,747
[sighs, scoffs]
438
00:18:48,717 --> 00:18:50,218
[softly] Oh, my God.
439
00:18:50,219 --> 00:18:53,155
[laughing]
440
00:19:06,335 --> 00:19:09,304
[crying]
441
00:19:19,715 --> 00:19:21,082
[elevator bell dings]
442
00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:23,518
[sobs]
443
00:19:23,519 --> 00:19:25,219
Mm.
444
00:19:25,220 --> 00:19:27,655
[coughs]
445
00:19:27,656 --> 00:19:28,791
Hey.
446
00:19:30,993 --> 00:19:34,128
[ukulele music]
447
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:35,463
[tapping on phone]
448
00:19:35,464 --> 00:19:37,432
(Dawn on phone) Valerie,
I just heard the news.
449
00:19:37,433 --> 00:19:39,434
I can't believe you got divorced
and didn't tell your own mother.
450
00:19:39,435 --> 00:19:40,668
(woman's voice) Message deleted.
451
00:19:40,669 --> 00:19:42,136
[cell phone thuds]
452
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:43,471
That...
453
00:19:43,472 --> 00:19:46,308
[sighs deeply]
454
00:19:51,146 --> 00:19:52,480
Mm.
455
00:19:52,481 --> 00:19:55,783
You'll never guess what I did today.
456
00:19:55,784 --> 00:19:57,151
Where were you?
457
00:19:57,152 --> 00:19:58,453
- Hmm?
- I called you.
458
00:19:58,454 --> 00:20:00,588
You didn't answer. I got a bikini wax.
459
00:20:00,589 --> 00:20:02,323
I went to that boy's house,
460
00:20:02,324 --> 00:20:05,493
and I made a total fool out of myself.
461
00:20:05,494 --> 00:20:08,362
And why did you tell
Mom about my divorce?
462
00:20:08,363 --> 00:20:09,764
I didn't talk to Mom.
463
00:20:09,765 --> 00:20:11,700
I never talk to Mom.
464
00:20:14,670 --> 00:20:16,738
Laura.
465
00:20:16,739 --> 00:20:19,574
You went to his house?
466
00:20:19,575 --> 00:20:22,009
With a box of fucking spoons.
467
00:20:22,010 --> 00:20:24,278
Oh, no, Val. Why?
468
00:20:24,279 --> 00:20:28,282
Because he lost them in a prank war.
469
00:20:28,283 --> 00:20:32,120
And I just wanted...
470
00:20:32,121 --> 00:20:33,521
[sighs] To be touched,
471
00:20:33,522 --> 00:20:36,759
and I just wanted to feel
like I did this morning.
472
00:20:39,728 --> 00:20:42,598
You can be touched anytime you want.
473
00:20:44,666 --> 00:20:46,768
You know what I did today?
474
00:20:46,769 --> 00:20:49,637
I fucked a four.
475
00:20:49,638 --> 00:20:51,005
Congratulations?
476
00:20:51,006 --> 00:20:52,173
No, you're not getting it.
477
00:20:52,174 --> 00:20:53,641
I fucked her, and I loved it.
478
00:20:53,642 --> 00:20:56,177
And if I can do that,
then you can fuck some kid
479
00:20:56,178 --> 00:20:57,512
and enjoy yourself
480
00:20:57,513 --> 00:21:01,048
and then fuck someone else the next day.
481
00:21:01,049 --> 00:21:03,084
You sound like Mom right now.
482
00:21:03,085 --> 00:21:04,318
Is that what you're worried about...
483
00:21:04,319 --> 00:21:05,686
turning into Mom?
484
00:21:05,687 --> 00:21:08,389
She destroyed our relationship template,
485
00:21:08,390 --> 00:21:10,091
so what do you think?
486
00:21:10,092 --> 00:21:13,427
I think that you sacrificed
your own happiness for years
487
00:21:13,428 --> 00:21:15,263
to keep your family together,
488
00:21:15,264 --> 00:21:18,200
and you are nothing like our mother.
489
00:21:20,102 --> 00:21:21,169
Come here.
490
00:21:21,170 --> 00:21:23,571
Besides...
491
00:21:23,572 --> 00:21:25,473
you'd have to sleep with
every guy in Los Angeles
492
00:21:25,474 --> 00:21:27,108
to catch up with her.
493
00:21:27,109 --> 00:21:29,578
She was like the Michael
Jordan of casual sex.
494
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,347
You just try to be Ron Harper.
495
00:21:33,348 --> 00:21:34,749
Who's Ron Harper?
496
00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:38,750
A five-time NBA champion.
497
00:21:39,021 --> 00:21:43,257
[indie rock music plays in headphones]
498
00:21:43,258 --> 00:21:46,194
[knock at door]
499
00:21:46,195 --> 00:21:50,064
Hey. So you talked to your grandma, huh?
500
00:21:50,065 --> 00:21:52,233
I thought she knew.
501
00:21:52,234 --> 00:21:55,770
No, it's my fault, not yours.
502
00:21:55,771 --> 00:21:58,339
Why didn't you tell her?
503
00:21:58,340 --> 00:22:01,209
Parents are...
504
00:22:01,210 --> 00:22:03,444
complicated.
505
00:22:03,445 --> 00:22:05,246
No shit.
506
00:22:05,247 --> 00:22:07,014
[chuckles]
507
00:22:07,015 --> 00:22:09,217
Um, I've been...
508
00:22:09,218 --> 00:22:11,352
I've been going through
sort of a hard time lately,
509
00:22:11,353 --> 00:22:13,187
and I'm working on it.
510
00:22:13,188 --> 00:22:14,689
I'm gonna...
511
00:22:14,690 --> 00:22:17,558
I'm gonna try some new things.
512
00:22:17,559 --> 00:22:19,493
And, uh...
513
00:22:19,494 --> 00:22:23,231
if it ever makes you
feel uncomfortable at all,
514
00:22:23,232 --> 00:22:26,334
you'll tell me, right?
515
00:22:26,335 --> 00:22:27,603
I will.
516
00:22:30,505 --> 00:22:34,242
It's good to try new things.
517
00:22:34,243 --> 00:22:35,677
Yeah.
518
00:22:37,312 --> 00:22:39,714
[cell phone vibrating]
519
00:22:39,715 --> 00:22:42,317
[groans, clears throat]
520
00:22:52,060 --> 00:22:54,028
You fat-shamed a journalist?
521
00:22:54,029 --> 00:22:56,097
Fat-shamed?
522
00:22:56,098 --> 00:22:57,198
What journalist?
523
00:22:57,199 --> 00:22:59,166
Monica Wasson.
524
00:22:59,167 --> 00:23:00,735
- The bartender?
- Oh, the bartender.
525
00:23:00,736 --> 00:23:02,470
That bartender that wrote a blog post
526
00:23:02,471 --> 00:23:06,207
that got picked up by Jezebel.
527
00:23:06,208 --> 00:23:07,608
No, Paul, that doesn't seem right.
528
00:23:07,609 --> 00:23:09,076
Yeah, here, look.
529
00:23:09,077 --> 00:23:11,379
You want me to read
you some select quotes?
530
00:23:11,380 --> 00:23:13,147
"Cole says the algorithm is broken,
531
00:23:13,148 --> 00:23:15,116
and there are no true
matches on Snooger.
532
00:23:15,117 --> 00:23:18,319
People will believe anything
the computer tells them,
533
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,321
even when it's a lie."
534
00:23:20,322 --> 00:23:21,555
You want me to go on?
535
00:23:21,556 --> 00:23:24,258
No, those were taken out of context.
536
00:23:24,259 --> 00:23:26,227
I had a nice time with this person.
537
00:23:26,228 --> 00:23:29,697
We had a few drinks, and
I-I told her we connected.
538
00:23:29,698 --> 00:23:32,566
I-I said that I'd never
been with a girl for...
539
00:23:32,567 --> 00:23:34,368
Oh, shit, I fat-shamed her.
540
00:23:34,369 --> 00:23:36,103
Do you have any idea
what this could do to us?
541
00:23:36,104 --> 00:23:37,505
Okay, maybe no one read
it. I'll call someone...
542
00:23:37,506 --> 00:23:39,240
"Stopsnooging" is
trending on social media.
543
00:23:39,241 --> 00:23:40,341
"Snooging"?
544
00:23:40,342 --> 00:23:42,176
Lena fucking Dunham retweeted it!
545
00:23:42,177 --> 00:23:43,511
Who cares what Lena Dunham retweets?
546
00:23:43,512 --> 00:23:46,280
Everyone! We're losing
100 members an hour
547
00:23:46,281 --> 00:23:48,582
since this thing went out.
548
00:23:48,583 --> 00:23:50,418
What do you want me to do?
549
00:23:50,419 --> 00:23:52,620
[sighs]
550
00:23:52,621 --> 00:23:54,722
Uh...
551
00:23:54,723 --> 00:23:57,491
[chuckles, sighs]
552
00:23:57,492 --> 00:23:59,428
Just go home.
553
00:24:01,296 --> 00:24:04,298
[Bahamas' Lost in the Light]
554
00:24:04,299 --> 00:24:08,299
555
00:24:09,371 --> 00:24:11,707
[school bell rings]
556
00:24:14,076 --> 00:24:15,409
Hey, Laura.
557
00:24:15,410 --> 00:24:19,046
I found some lenses from my old Nikon.
558
00:24:19,047 --> 00:24:21,048
They should fit your camera.
559
00:24:21,049 --> 00:24:22,350
Wow.
560
00:24:22,351 --> 00:24:24,719
That's... that's very thoughtful.
561
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:25,786
I could show you how to use them.
562
00:24:25,787 --> 00:24:27,421
We should go shooting sometime.
563
00:24:27,422 --> 00:24:29,690
Yeah, that'd be fun.
564
00:24:29,691 --> 00:24:32,593
[cell phone chimes]
565
00:24:32,594 --> 00:24:35,096
Just text me when you want to meet up.
566
00:24:35,097 --> 00:24:37,065
Okay.
567
00:24:39,768 --> 00:24:42,203
I'm lost in the light
568
00:24:42,204 --> 00:24:45,706
I pray for the night
569
00:24:45,707 --> 00:24:49,707
To take me, to take you too
570
00:24:50,379 --> 00:24:52,646
571
00:24:52,647 --> 00:24:55,182
After so many words
572
00:24:55,183 --> 00:24:58,552
Still nothing's heard
573
00:24:58,553 --> 00:25:02,553
Don't know what we should do
574
00:25:03,392 --> 00:25:06,327
So, if someone could see me now
575
00:25:06,328 --> 00:25:09,163
Let them see you
576
00:25:09,164 --> 00:25:13,267
[computer beeping]
577
00:25:13,268 --> 00:25:16,370
It was my greatest thrill
578
00:25:16,371 --> 00:25:20,241
When we just stood still
579
00:25:20,242 --> 00:25:24,378
Let me hold your hand
till I had my fill
580
00:25:24,379 --> 00:25:27,181
581
00:25:27,182 --> 00:25:29,383
Even counting sheep
582
00:25:29,384 --> 00:25:32,686
Don't help me sleep
583
00:25:32,687 --> 00:25:36,687
I just toss and turn
right there beside you
584
00:25:37,526 --> 00:25:40,661
So, if someone could help me now
585
00:25:40,662 --> 00:25:43,297
They'd help you too
586
00:25:43,298 --> 00:25:47,368
587
00:25:47,369 --> 00:25:50,371
They'd help you too
588
00:25:50,372 --> 00:25:53,174
See you through
589
00:25:53,175 --> 00:25:56,377
All the hard things
590
00:25:56,378 --> 00:25:58,512
We've all got to do
591
00:25:58,513 --> 00:26:00,581
[doorbell rings]
592
00:26:00,582 --> 00:26:02,516
'Cause this life is long
593
00:26:02,517 --> 00:26:06,420
So you wouldn't be wrong
594
00:26:06,421 --> 00:26:08,089
Being free
595
00:26:08,090 --> 00:26:11,385
Leaving me on my own
596
00:26:11,409 --> 00:26:13,079
597
00:26:13,129 --> 00:26:17,679
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