Original subtitles

♪♪♪

OKAY, LET'S DO SOME BUSlNESS.

- WELCOME TO WASH lNGTON, HARRY. - ED. l HATE TH lS TOWN .

YOU KNOW MY SlSTER'S KlD, JJ? JJ, SAY HELLO TO MR. DEVERY.

ALL RlGHT, ALL RlGHT. DON'T GlVE H lM A SPEECH .

- TALK TO ME, DlD YOU SET UP THE HOTEL? - EVERYTH lNG lS lN ORDER.

AND HERE'S SOME STUFF BY THAT REPORTER l TOLD YOU ABOUT.

ARE YOU STlLL GONNA MAKE ME DO THAT lNTERVlEW?

l WANT YOU TO LOOK OVER TH lS NEW REPUBLlC ARTlCLE HE WROTE ON THE E.E.C.

HE'S NOT SOME DO-GOODER WlTH AN AX TO GRlND ON MY NECK, lS HE?

WELL, YOU DON'T WANT A PUSHOVER HARRY. l TELL YOU, lF PAUL GlVES YOU THE THUMBS-UP,

lT'S A BlG DEAL lN TH lS TOWN .

YOU DON'T TH lNK HE KNOWS ANYTH lNG, DO YOU?

OH, GOD, NO.

BUT THAT'S WHY lT'S GOOD FOR YOU TO MEET H lM UP FRONT.

SHOWS YOU HAVE NOTH lNG TO H lDE.

AHEM. UH, UNCLE HARRY.

OH . JESUS CHRlST. HEY! BlLLlE!

[Woman] WHAT?

WHEN A DOOR OPENS ON A PLANE, YOU GET OUT.

[Harry] MOVE lT!

♪♪♪

THEY'VE ARRlVED.

WELCOME TO THE WlLLARD, MR. BROCK.

- l HOPE YOU HAD A PLEASANT JOURNEY. - AH, HERE HE lS.

NOW, REMEMBER, TREAT H lM N lCELY. DON'T TRY TO CON H lM. JUST BE YOURSELF.

PAUL! GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAlN .

HELLO, ED. HOW ARE YA?

NO MORE HARDNOSE lNVESTlGATlVE STUFF?

WELL, YOUR MAN DOESN'T HAVE A PROBLEM WlTH THAT, DOES HE?

YOU'RE JUST lNTERVlEWlNG BUSlNESSMEN NOW, HMM?

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ED. THE BUSlNESS OF AMERlCA lS BUSlNESS THESE DAYS.

- HARRY BROCK, TH lS lS PAUL VERRALL. - THE WRlTER. l KNOW.

l LlKE THAT TH lNG YOU DlD FOR THE NEW REPUBLlC ON THE E.E.C. SMART.

THANK YOU .

TH lS SU lTE lS NEWLY REMODELED. THE MARBLE lS lTALlAN,

AND TH lS WONDERFUL GLASS COMES FROM THE SOUTH OF FRANCE.

WE'RE ESPEClALLY PROUD OF THESE ATRlUM, WH lCH GlVE THE SU lTE A LOVELY OPEN QUALlTY.

l HOPE MRS. BROCK lS SATlSFlED WlTH THE ARRANGEMENTS.

- SHE'S NOT MRS. BROCK. - OH, YES, THAT'S FlNE.

YOU BET THAT'S FlNE. THERE'S ONLY ONE MRS. BROCK AND SHE'S MY MOTHER.

- OF COURSE. - AND SHE'S DEAD.

- OH, l'M SORRY. - ALRlGHT, JUST LlSTEN .

ANYBODY THAT WORKS lN TH lS ROOM, TELL 'EM TO DO lT GOOD, DO lT FAST, NOBODY GETS HURT.

l DON'T LlKE A LOT OF PEOPLE AROUND ALL THE TlME, AND l DON'T LlKE WAlTlN' FOR NOTH lNG.

OF COURSE, MR. BROCK.

HOW'D YOU LlKE TO SAVE MY LlFE? WlTH SODA OR PLAlN WATER?

- PLAlN . - COMlN' RlGHT UP.

- PAUL, WOULD YOU LlKE A DRlNK? - NO, l'M FlNE. THANKS.

- lF THERE'S ANYTH lNG l CAN DO-- - THERE lS, YOU GO lNTO BlLLlE'S ROOM. . .

AND SEE SHE GETS EVERYTH lNG SHE WANTS.

RlGHT AWAY--

lF SHE ASKS FOR SOMETH lN', l'M ASKlN' FOR SOMETH lN'.

AS lN A SlNGLE VOlCE.

- WHAT ABOUT THOSE WH lTE FLOWERS? - THE GARDEN lAS? ALL TAKEN CARE OF.

- DlD YOU GET THAT OTHER STUFF SHE LlKES? - DlET CREAM SODA,

THE BEAN DlP, THE TWEEZERS AND THE CUCUMBER MASK, ALL TAKEN CARE OF.

- ALL RlGHT. JJ! HANDLE H lM. - ALL RlGHT. CHAUNCY.

[Snapping Fingers] OVER HERE.

BlLLlE!

- WHAT? - WELL?

WHAT?

- NOT BAD, HUH? - NOT BAD.

NOT BAD. YOU KNOW WHAT TH lS lS COSTlN' ME A N lGHT?

- $6500. YOU ALREADY TOLD ME. - SO?

SO, l DON'T LlKE NEW TOWNS.

YOU HAVE TO LEARN ALL NEW CHANNELS. lT TOOK ME. . .

ALMOST A MlNUTE TO FlND MY SOAP.

[Sighs]

SO WHAT'S TH lS GONNA BE PAL-- A PLUG OR A PAN?

l LlKE TO KNOW THESE TH lNGS. AND l KNOW HOW TO TALK lF l KNOW YOUR ANGLE.

NO ANGLE. JUST THE FACTS. A PAN .

LlSTEN, l GOTTA DO MY STAlRS AND STUFF. YOU OKAY WlTH THAT?

- UH, SURE. - GOOD.

JJ, GET A BARBER UP HERE FOR WHEN l GET BACK.

GRAB MY SWEATS. WE'RE OUTTA HERE.

l'M TALKlN' TO YOU 'CAUSE ED TOLD ME TO.

WHAT THE HELL. l PAY H lM A COUPLE HUNDRED GRAND A YEAR FOR ADVlCE.

l'D BE A FOOL NOT TO TAKE lT.

- EXCUSE ME. MlND lF l-- - ANYW AY .

- THANKS. - GO AHEAD. GlVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT.

HOW MUCH MONEY HAVE YOU GOT?

WHAT AM l, AN ACCOUNTANT?

- YOU DON'T KNOW? - NOT EXACTLY.

- FlFTY MlLLlON . - HONEST TO GOD, l DON'T KNOW.

- TEN MlLLlON? - MAYBE.

- ONE MlLLlON . - MORE.

- HOW MUCH MORE? - HOW MUCH YOU GOT?

- l'VE SAVED A LlTTLE. - YOU DON'T SAVE MONEY, BUD.

YOU MAKE lT.

TH lS lS THE WORST TlME OF DAY, AFTER THE SOAPS BUT BEFORE ENTERTAlNMENT TON lGHT.

AH, l HAVE SOME PAPERS FOR YOU TO SlGN .

WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THAT STUFF l SlGNED YESTERDAY?

UM, BACK PAGE OF EACH SET BY THE Xs.

SEEMS LlKE l'VE SlGNED ABOUT 1 0,000 OF THESE.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BElNG A MULTlPLE CORPORATE OFFlCER.

OH, lS THAT WHAT l AM?

NO WONDER l'M HAVlNG SO MUCH FUN .

lS lT TRUE YOU SPENT 400 MlLLlON ON YOUR NEW COMPLEX?

BROCK VlLLAGE. FlNEST TH lNG EVER BU lLT.

2,000 CONDOS. 1 75 SHOPS. [Back Cracking]

AND TWO-- COUNT 'EM-- TWO GOLF COURSES.

MY MASTERPlECE. DlD YOU HAVE TO TAKE ON A LOT OF DEBT?

HEY, YOU GOTTA SPEND lT TO MAKE lT, PAL. OOH . [Cracking]

NOT TOO VlGOROUS, HONEY. l GET 'EM DONE EVERY DAY.

JUST BUFF 'EM UP REAL N lCE.

WELL, HOW'S THE lNTERVlEW GOlNG?

OH, GREAT. l FOUND OUT HE HAS PARENTS.

[Laughing]

BUT l STlLL DON'T KNOW WHY HE CAME TO WASH lNGTON .

- JUST A LlTTLE TAX BUSlNESS. - JUST A LlTTLE TAX BUSlNESS.

l DlDN'T BELlEVE H lM ElTHER.

HEY, SO FAR l'VE BEEN N lCE TO YOU . WHAT ARE YOU PUMPlN' ME FOR?

WELL, THAT'S A REPORTER'S WORK MR. BROCK. WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, HOW. . .

- AND WHY. - SOUNDS LlKE A LAW FlRM TO ME.

AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH l HATE LAWYERS.

l CAN VOUCH FOR THAT.

ARE YOU EVER AFRAlD THAT YOU'RE GONNA LOSE ALL TH lS?

NEVER. l WANT lT ALL TOO MUCH .

WHAT ABOUT TH lNGS THAT ARE BEYOND YOUR CONTROL, LlKE, UH, LlKE FATE?

YOU SHOW ME A BUSlNESSMAN WHO BELlEVES lN FATE,

l'LL SHOW YOU THE FlRST BUSlNESSMAN EVER WENT BROKE.

l STARTED WlTH A WAGON SELLlN' SOMEBODY'S JUNK, AND l GOT HERE. . .

lN A SlLK SU lT TALKlN' TO A COLLEGE KNOW-lT-ALL LlKE YOU .

lF l LOSE lT, l'LL MEET YOU RlGHT BACK HERE lN TH lS ROOM. . .

lN A NEW SlLK SU lT.

- BUT WHY WOULD YOU LOSE lT ALL, MR. BROCK? - HEY! WAlT A MlNUTE.

WHERE YOU TH lNK YOU'RE GOlN' WlTH THAT?

- MY ROOM. - PUT lT BACK.

- l JUST WANTED-- - l KNOW WHAT YOU WANTED. PUT lT BACK.

WHY CAN'T l JUST TAKE lT--

BECAUSE WE HAVE A PARTY TO GO TO, THAT'S WHY.

WELL, l DON'T SEE WHY l CAN'T--

BECAUSE l SAY YOU CAN'T! THAT'S WHY! PUT lT BACK!

DO WHAT l'M TELLlN' YOU!

WHAT'LL YOU TAKE TO CUT H lS THROAT, BARBER?

HARRY, DON'T GET SO UPSET.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SO FORMAL AROUND ME, HARRY. RELAX. BE YOURSELF.

EXCUSE ME, UNCLE HARRY, YOU SHOULD GET READY.

WE GOTTA BE AT THE DUFFEES' HOUSE AT 7:00.

lS THAT ALEX DUFFEE, THE SECRETARY OF THE NAVY?

JJ, WOULD YOU GET MY BRlEFCASE?

- YEAH, SURE, ED. - SORRY ABOUT THE BLOWUP.

SHORT FUSE.

BUT l LlKE TALKlN' TO YOU . YOU MAKE ME LAUGH .

FlNALLY A PURPOSE lN LlFE.

- HEY, HOW ABOUT YOU WORKlN' FOR ME? - OH, HARRY, l DON'T--

HEY, DlD l ASK YOU?

- LET THE MAN ANSWER. - WELL, WHAT WOULD l DO?

WHAT DO YOU CARE? WE'LL FlND SOMETH lN' FOR YOU .

l DON'T TH lNK SO, MR. BROCK. THANKS FOR THE OFFER.

- SEE YOU AROUND, PAL. - MMHMM, SURE.

NOT A BAD GUY FOR AN EGGHEAD.

SEND H lM A GlFT, A PEN OR SOMETH lNG.

- YOU PlSSED AT ME? - NO.

YOU DON'T LOOK RlGHT. WANT AN ASPlRlN?

NO, HARRY, l'M FlNE.

CONSlDERlNG l'VE BEEN DEAD FOR 1 2 YEARS, l FEEL GREAT.

[TV] WlTH YOUR ABDOMlNALS CONTRACTED, BUTTOCKS TlGHT,

YOU'RE GOlNG TO BE LlFTlNG THE LEG, STARTlNG WlTH THE CONTRACTlON .

HERE YOU GO. AND. . . CONTRACT AND LlFT lT.

C.P., OKAY? C.L. CONTRACT AND LlFT.

CONTRACT AND LlFT. NOW EVERY LlFT BEGlNS WlTH--

- HEY! - NOW, TOMORROW WE MEET THE LOBBYlSTS.

SCREW THE LOBBYlSTS. l WANT CONGRESSMEN . BlLLlE!

WHAT?

HURRY UP. WE'RE GOlN' DOWN . MEET YOU lN THE CAR.

JJ'll WAlT.

YOU KNOW, l CAN'T JUST PHONE CONGRESSMEN--

HEY, l LEVERAGED EVERYTH lNG l GOT, lNCLUDlNG MY ASS, TO BU lLD BROCK VlLLAGE.

lF THAT BASE CLOSES, l'M LOOKlN' AT FOUR MlLLlON SQUARE FEET OF SQUAT,

- AND l'M SlGN lN' CHAPTER 1 1 PAPERS. - HARRY, PLEASE RELAX.

THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF PUTTlNG THE COMPAN lES lN BlLLlE'S NAME.

THEY CAN'T BE TAKEN TO SETTLE ANY DEBTS. TECHN lCALLY, THEY'RE NOT YOUR COMPAN lES.

lF l LOSE BROCK VlLLAGE, WHAT'S TO SAY l CAN'T LOSE EVERYTH lNG ELSE?

TH lS lS YOUR FAULT.

YOU SHOULD HAVE HEADED TH lS OFF. l WANT NAMES.

- ALRlGHT, TOMORROW l'VE GOT LUNCH-- - TON lGHT. TON lGHT!

TON lGHT YOU'LL SEE SENATOR NORVlLLE HEDGES.

YOU REMEMBER H lM, HE'S HEAD OF APPROPRlATlONS.

HE'S BEH lND ON H lS FUND-RAlSlNG AND H lS RACE lS VERY TlGHT.

- THAT'S WHAT l WANT TO HEAR. - BUT, HARRY--HARRY.

HARRY, HE'S NOT A CONSTRUCTlON FOREMAN . THE MACH lNATlONS REQU lRED--

HEY, DON'T HARVARD-TALK ME. l DlDN'T MAKE MY MONEY BY BElN' A lDlOT.

- WHERE THE HELL'S BlLLlE? - CALM YOURSELF. l'M HERE.

- SHE LOOK OKAY TO YOU? - WHAT'S THE MATTER WlTH HOW l LOOK?

THAT'S WHAT l WANT TO KNOW.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOU OPEN BEER CANS WlTH YOUR TEETH .

- YOU LOOK BEAUTlFUL BlLLlE. - THANK YOU, ED.

ED, ARE YOU SURE? l DON'T WANT TO START OFF ON NO LEFT FOOT.

l'M SURE, l'M SURE.

[Harry] AH, NOW THAT'S OKAY. NOW, THAT'S BEAUTlFUL.

JJ, YOU STAY HERE.

- GOOD EVEN lNG, ALEX. - H l, ED. HOW ARE YOU?

VERY WELL. MAY l lNTRODUCE MY FRlEND, HARRY--

HARRY BROCK. N lCE TO MEET YA.

- HOW ARE YOU? - AND MlSS BlLLlE DAWN .

BlLLlE DAWN . WHAT A BEAUTlFUL NAME.

- TH lS lS MY WlFE, BEATRlCE. - HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?

MMM. CHARMED.

- HOW ARE YOU? - H l, N lCE TO MEET YOU, A PLEASURE.

- GREAT TO SEE YOU . - HELLO, BEA.

TH lS lS SENATOR DORN AND H lS WlFE, LlLY.

SENATOR, HARRY BROCK. PLEASURE TO MEET YA.

- lT'S A PLEASURE. - N lCE TO MEET YA, HOW YOU DOlN'?

FlNE.

- AND OVER HERE lS SENATOR AND MRS. HEDGES. - SENATOR, GOOD TO SEE YOU .

- GOOD TO SEE YOU . - H l, HOW ARE YOU?

- BlLLlE, TH lS lS SENATOR HEDGES. - YEAH, THAT'S WHAT HE SAlD.

AND, UH, WHAT BRlNGS YOU TO TOWN?

A LlTTLE SlGHTSEElNG. YOU KNOW, TAKlN' lT EASY.

OH, THAT'LL BE THE DAY.

[Awkward Laughter]

FEEL A LlTTLE DRY. YOU CARE TO JOlN ME FOR A DRlNK?

- SURE. - EXCUSE US, LADlES. ALEX.

lT'S SO SCREWED UP OVER THERE, l CAN'T DO NOTH lN'--

HELLO, MR. BROCK.

- GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAlN . - WHAT A COlNClDENCE. HEY, SHERLOCK.

HOW'S lT GOlN'?

l'M OFF-DUTY TON lGHT. MY METER AlN'T RUNN lN'.

[Woman] BlLLlE'S HERE FROM CH lCAGO.

REALLY? l GOT MY DOCTORATE FROM THE UN lVERSlTY OF CH lCAGO.

l JUST lNTERVlEWED YOUR MAYOR. l HAVE A RADlO SHOW.

WHAT ARE YOU PLANN lNG TO SEE WH lLE YOU'RE HERE?

l DON'T REALLY KNOW. l MEAN, SlNCE l'VE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE,

l DON'T KNOW REALLY WHAT THERE lS TO SEE.

WHAT KlNDS OF TH lNGS ARE YOU lNTERESTED lN?

UM, MAYBE SOMETH lNG WlTH THE KENNEDYS.

YOU COULD GO TO THE KENNEDY CENTER. TAKE A TOUR, MAYBE GO BACKSTAGE.

NO, YOU KNOW, l'D LlKE TO SEE THElR HOUSE.

YOU KNOW, LlKE GO ON ONE OF THEM TOURS, LlKE GRACELAND?

YOU LEARN A LOT ABOUT A PERSON WHEN YOU SEE THElR HOME, DON'T YOU TH lNK?

l MEAN, DlD YOU KNOW THAT ELVlS HAD OVER 40 TVs?

WHEN l SAW THAT, l KNEW THAT ELVlS MUST HAVE BEEN A REALLY LONELY MAN .

l MEAN, THEY SAY lT ON THE TOUR, YOU KNOW, ABOUT THE 40 TVs, LlKE lT WAS A BlG TH lNG,

LlKE YOU SHOULD BE REALLY JEALOUS OF ELVlS, BUT lT JUST MADE ME REALLY SAD.

l MEAN, EVERYBODY lN THE WHOLE WORLD WORSH lPPED ELVlS,

AND lT WAS LlKE HE COULDN'T BE lN A ROOM ALONE, YOU KNOW?

SO, l TH lNK THAT'S SAD, DON'T YOU TH lNK?

WELL, KENNEDY LlVED lN THE WH lTE HOUSE.

OH, YEAH, WELL, SEE? THAT WOULD BE GREAT lF l COULD SEE WHERE HE LlVED.

WELL, lF YOU DO DEClDE TO TAKE A TOUR, MY HUSBAND CAN HELP.

- HE'S THE UNDER SECRETARY OF COMMERCE. - lS THAT LlKE A RECEPTlON lST?

lSN'T A RECEPTlON lST UNDER A SECRETARY?

WELL, HE CERTAlNLY FEELS THAT WAY SOMETlMES.

l TH lNK l NEED TO FRESHEN TH lS UP. lS EVERYONE ELSE ALL RlGHT?

- l COULD USE ANOTHER ONE. - WHAT ABOUT YOU, BlLLlE?

NO, THANK YOU .

- SOMETH lNG l SAlD WAS WRONG, WASN'T lT? - lT'S NO BlG DEAL.

- YOU MlND lF l ASK YOU SOMETH lNG? - SURE.

lS THERE SOMETH lNG WRONG WlTH MY EARRlNGS OR SOMETH lN'?

BECAUSE EVERYBODY KEEPS STARlNG AT 'EM.

OH, l DON'T KNOW. MAYBE THEY'RE A LlTTLE BlG.

WELL, l THOUGHT BlG WAS THE WHOLE lDEA WlTH JEWELS.

NAH, YOU DON'T NEED TO WEAR JEWELS. YOU'RE PRETTY ENOUGH .

OH . SWEET TALK.

lT'S MY FAVORlTE.

- THAT'S WHAT THE l .M.F. lS FOR. - NO, TH lS lS NATO's RESPONSlBlLlTY.

[Man] NATO's NOT A FACTOR ANYMORE.

THE U .N . lS THE ANSWER. NOW, lF THERE'S TROUBLE, AND THERE'S GOlNG TO BE TROUBLE,

THAT l CAN GUARANTEE YOU, THE U .N . TROOPS SHOULD JUMP lN, KEEP PEACE,

SO THOSE MARKETS CAN GROW.

THAT'S lNCREDlBLE. SHE'S GOT BOYFRlENDS--

[Man] PEOPLE SHOULD BE CONTROLLED, NOT MARKETS.

AND WHAT DO YOU TH lNK, MlSS DAWN?

WHAT lS OUR RESPONSlBlLlTY TO THOSE PEOPLE

NOW THAT THE EASTERN BLOC HAS COLLAPSED?

l DON'T KNOW. HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE HURT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHEN THE BLOCK COLLAPSED, WERE PEOPLE HURT OR WAS lT JUST PROPERTY DAMAGE?

WE'RE TALKlNG ABOUT THE EASTERN BLOC lN EUROPE.

l DON'T TH lNK WE SHOULD WORRY ABOUT THEM.

l MEAN, WE GOT ENOUGH PROBLEMS WlTH OUR OWN STREETS. . .

BEFORE WE START FlXlNG THE ONES lN EUROPE.

- THEY'RE GEEKS. - WHAT?

- l SAlD THEY'RE GEEKS. - WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO SAY?

- BlLLlE DAWN, THAT'S WHO. - NOBODY ASKED YOU SO SHUT UP.

PARDON ME lF l'M TAKlN' UP TOO MUCH SPACE ONYOUR PLANET.

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH .

- HELLO, JJ . - HEY, ED.

- HARRY, COULD WE GO OVER A FEW TH lNGS? - TAKE HER UPSTAlRS.

TAKE ME UPSTAlRS.

- SO YA HAVlN' FUN? - NO. ARE YOU?

NO. SEEMS LlKE WE'VE BEEN GONE A MONTH ALREADY.

TELL ME ABOUT lT.

BlLLlE lS A LlABlLlTY. SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT PEOPLE

ARE TALKlNG ABOUT. PEOPLE DON'T TALK TO BlLLlE TO KNOW TH lNGS.

PEOPLE LOVE BlLLlE BECAUSE SHE MAKES THEM FORGET ABOUT ALL THE CRAP lN THE WORLD.

EVERY TlME SHE OPENS HER MOUTH, SHE SAYS SOMETH lNG STUPlD.

YEAH, THAT'S GONNA MAKE HER STAND OUT lN WASH lNGTON .

HARRY, PLEASE.

- PEOPLE WERE LAUGH lNG AT HER. - OH . THEY WERE?

- YEAH . - WELL, THEY GOTTA KNOW HER LlKE l DO.

BUT THERE'S NO REASON FOR HER TO BE HERE.

HOW ABOUT SHE OWNS MORE OF ME THAN l DO. ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR BRlGHT lDEAS.

lT lS A GOOD lDEA. LUCKlLY, SHE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTH lNG ABOUT lT.

ANY PAPERS SHE NEEDS TO SlGN l CAN SEND TO HER AT HOME.

NO. HEY, NO! OKAY? THERE'S ANOTHER REASON .

l'M CRAZY ABOUT HER, OKAY?

l'M CRAZY WHEN SHE'S NOT AROUND.

l KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE BElN' GEEKS.

SURE KNOW HOW TO BE STUFFY, DON'T THEY?

ANYWAY, l KNOW YOU WEREN'T SO HOT TO COME ON TH lS TRlP, SO--

- THANKS, HARRY. - YEAH .

HEY, HARRY? YOU KNOW HOW WHEN SOMEBODY DlES,

lT'S OKAY TO FEEL SAD?

BUT THEN OTHER TlMES WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY,

AND YOU FEEL SAD ANYWAY?

THEN lT'S WORSE THAN THE TlMES WHEN YOU'RE ALLOWED TO BE SAD?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKlN' ABOUT?

NEVER MlND.

HEY! l KNOW WHERE THERE'S TH lS CLUB.

LET'S GO SHOW THESE GEEKS HOW TO DANCE.

- YEAH? - YEAH .

NOW?

♪♪♪

♪ WELL, COME OUT HERE ON THE FLOOR ♪

♪ LET'S ROCK SOME MORE ♪

♪ COME OUT HERE ON THE FLOOR ♪

♪ HONEY, LET'S ROCK SOME MO', YEAH ♪

♪ NOW WHEN YOU GET OUT HERE DON'T YOU HAVE NO FEAR ♪

♪ PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR H lP AND LET YOUR BACKBONE SLlP ♪

♪ AND WORK OUT ♪

♪ AH, MY MAMA, MOVE UP ♪

♪ HONEY, MOVE BACK ♪

♪ SlNG lT, SlNG lT SHUFFLE TO THE LEFT ♪

SHUFFLE, SHUFFLE, SHUFFLE, SHUFFLE.

♪ WOBBLE TO THE RlGHT ♪

♪ NOW lT'S PLAlN TO SEE YOU PUT A HURTlN' ON ME ♪

♪ BUT lT'S A NATURAL FACT l LlKE lT LlKE THAT SO WORK OUT ♪

♪ YEAH, BABY, WORK OUT ♪

♪ BABY, WORK OUT ♪

♪ SHOUT AND TURN THE JOlNT OUT ♪

♪ WORK OUT WORK OUT ♪

♪ WORK ALL N lGHT LONG YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪♪

[Ringing]

- HELLO? - BlLLlE DAWN, PLEASE?

- TH lS lS BlLLlE. - MARVELOUS.

CYNTH lA SCHRElBER HERE. WE MET LAST N lGHT AT DUFFEE'S LlTTLE SOCK HOP?

AND l DO A SHOW FOR N .P.R. YOU KNOW N .P.R., YES?

UM, THEY'RE THE GUN PEOPLE, RlGHT?

WELL, UH, DURlNG FUND-RAlSlNG THEY ARE,

BUT USUALLY THEY'RE JUST NATlONAL PUBLlC RADlO.

ANYWAY, l'D LlKE YOU TO BE ON MY SHOW.

ME ON THE RADlO? ARE YOU KlDDlNG?

OF COURSE NOT. l KNOW TH lS lS LAST-MlNUTE,

BUT MY LlTTLE DREAM lS THAT YOU'D COME AT AROUND 1 1 :00?

WELL, UH, l MEAN, l DON'T KNOW NOTH lN' ABOUT WASH lNGTON . . .

OR NOTH lN'.

UM, l DON'T KNOW lF HARRY WOULD LlKE THAT.

YOU COULD PROMOTE WHATEVER HE'S DOlNG HERE lN D.C.

- l COULD TELL ABOUT BROCK VlLLAGE? - ABSOLUTELY.

- OKAY. - GREAT.

- YEAH? - MR. DEVERY, lT'S JJ .

- UH, YEAH . - HARRY, lT'S FOR YOU .

- BROCK. - HELLO, UNCLE HARRY?

lT'S JJ . GET A RADlO. BlLLlE'S ON .

- SHE'S ON 89.3. - WHY? WHAT'D SHE DO?

SHE'S BElN' lNTERVlEWED.

HOLY CHRlST! TURN THE RADlO ON . 89.3.

[Cynthia] NOW, YOU ARE HERE AS THE COMPAN lON . . .

OF MULTlMlLLlONAlRE HARRY BROCK, lS THAT RlGHT?

[Billie] YEAH .

- HOW DlD YOU TWO MEET? - lN LAS VEGAS.

- l WAS lN A SHOW. - UH-HUH .

SO, WHAT, YOU DANCE AND SlNG?

YEAH . l WASN'T ONLY lN THE CHORUS. l WAS A THESPlAN . OH .

[Billie] l HAD LlNES. FlVE, TO BE EXACT. [Cynthia] MM-HMM.

DO YOU WANT TO HEAR THEM?

- ABS-- YES. OF COURSE. - OKAY, HERE GOES.

YES, l AM. HE WAS HERE, BUT HE'S NOT HERE NOW.

[Snickering] OH, JUST A FRlEND.

l NEVER DRlNK WlTH MEN l DON'T KNOW.

BEAT lT, BUSTER! [Chuckling]

l COULD'VE BEEN A STAR lF l WOULD'VE STUCK WlTH lT,

BUT HARRY DlDN'T LlKE ME BElN' lN SHOWS.

HE LlKES TO GO TO BED EARLY.

DOES MR. BROCK DO A LOT OF BUSlNESS lN LAS VEGAS?

[Laughing] WHAT BUSlNESS? HE CAME TO GAMBLE AND TO MEET GlRLS.

l MEAN, HE DOESN'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

NOW HE JUST WORKS AND WORKS AND WORKS.

WHAT lS MR. BROCK DOlNG lN WASH lNGTON? lS HE A STRONG PARTY MAN?

lS HE!

HE CAN THROW DOWN A DRlNK FASTER THAN YOU CAN UNZlP YOUR PANTS.

AND BOY, CAN HE DANCE. [Cynthia Laughing]

WE WON A LlMBO CONTEST ONCE.

- AND WE GOT A MEDAL. - A MEDAL. SHE REMEMBERED THE MEDAL.

- DO YOU WANT TO SEE lT? - YES. MM-HMM.

OKAY.

- SEE? - MM-HMM.

- AND lT LOOKS LlKE FlRST PRlZE. - UH-HUH .

lT HAS BEEN SAlD THAT THE LOVE OF WEALTH . . .

lS AT THE HEART OF ALL AMERlCANS.

- DO YOU TH lNK THAT'S TRUE? - l DON'T KNOW.

- WHO SAlD lT? - TOCQUEVlLLE.

HE WROTE DEMOCRACY lN AMERlCA,

POSSlBLY ONE OF THE MOST PERCEPTlVE BOOKS EVER WRlTTEN ABOUT OUR SYSTEM.

OH, lT'S A BOOK? NO WONDER l NEVER HEARD OF lT.

lN THE FUTURE, l TH lNK lT WOULD BE BEST TO LlMlT BlLLlE'S EXPOSURE TO THE MEDlA,

GlVEN HER LlMlTED UNDERSTANDlNG OF, WELL, EVERYTH lNG.

COULDN'T WE DO SOMETH lN'? SMARTEN HER UP A LlTTLE BlT?

SHE DlDN'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY GlN RUMMY 'TlL l TAUGHT HER. NOW SHE BEATS MY BRAlNS OUT.

lSN'T THERE SOME KlND OF SCHOOL?

A LONG TlME WOULD PASS BEFORE SCHOOL HAD AN lMPACT ON BlLLlE.

l TH lNK WE SHOULD SEND HER BACK. [Elevator Bell Rings]

ALL SHE NEEDS lS SOMEONE TO POUND SOME SMARTS lNTO HER, ONE ON ONE.

HEY, l GOT AN lDEA. THE FOUR MOST TERRlFYlNG WORDS lN THE ENGLlSH LANGUAGE.

ED TELLS ME YOU TEACH A CLASS AT GEORGETOWN .

YEAH, THAT'S RlGHT.

- HOW MUCH YOU MAKE? - WHAT AM l, AN ACCOUNTANT?

l LOVE TH lS GUY.

WELL, LlSTEN, PAULlE, THE REASON l ASK. . . l GOT TH lS FRlEND.

- MAYBE YOU'VE SEEN HER. BlLLlE? - BlLLlE. RlGHT.

SHE'S A N lCE KlD, BUT SHE'S A LlTTLE ON THE STUPlD SlDE.

NOT HER FAULT, YOU UNDERSTAND. l FOUND HER lN VEGAS,

AND FOR VEGAS SHE'S SMART ENOUGH, BUT WASH lNGTON--

l'M JUST SCARED SHE'S GONNA BE UNHAPPY. SHE'S NOT USED TO THESE KlND OF PEOPLE.

UH, SO l FlGURE MAYBE YOU COULD HELP HER. . . AND ME.

- YOU KNOW WHAT l MEAN? - NO, l DON'T.

SHOW HER THE ROPES, THE LOWDOWN . EXPLAlN TO HER WHAT GOES ON AND SUCH .

lT'D REALLY MEAN A LOT TO ME. AND l'D GlVE YOU 200 BUCKS A DAY.

AHEM. WELL, l'M SORRY, HARRY, BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT l DO.

350.

NO, HARRY, YOU SEE, MONEY lSN'T THE lSSUE.

- l TOLD YOU, HARRY. - SHUT UP.

500.

- OKAY, l'LL DO lT. - YOU SEE?

AS SOON AS HE SAlD MONEY WASN'T THE lSSUE, l KNEW l HAD H lM.

l LOVE TH lS GUY.

YOU KNOW, BlLLlE, WE'RE lN THE BlG TlME NOW. TH lS AlN'T CH lCAGO.

[Chuckling] YOU'RE TELLlN' ME.

l MEAN, YOU GOTTA BE VERY CAREFUL OF EVERYTH lNG YOU DO.

YOU UNDERSTAND MY MEAN lNG?

YEAH .

GlN .

TWENTY-ElGHT.

- TWENTY-ElGHT? - TWENTY-ElGHT!

♪♪ [Humming "This Old Man"]

♪ TH lS OLD MAN HE PLAYED TWO ♪

♪ HE PLAYED KN lCKKNACK ON MY SHOE ♪

♪ WlTH A KN lCKKNACK PADDYWACK, GlVE A DOG A BONE ♪

♪ TH lS OLD MAN CAME ROLLlNG HOME ♪

♪ WA-WA-WA WA-WA-WA WA-WA-WA-WA WA-WA-WA ♪

♪ WA-WA WA-WA WA-WA-WA WA-WA-WA-WA-WA ♪

♪ W A-W A-W AW AW A-W A-W A ♪♪

- DO YOU MlND? - NO.

GlN .

SEE?

TH lRTY-FOUR.

TH lRTY-FOUR? TH lRTY-FOUR! THREE FOUR!

[Clears Throat] SO, ANYWAY. . .

l MET A GUY. HE'S GOT A LOT OF TlME ON H lS HANDS.

AND l WAS TH lNKlNG, SlNCE HE KNOWS THE ClTY PRETTY GOOD,

lT MlGHT BE N lCE FOR YOU TO HAVE SOMEONE TO DO TH lNGS WlTH .

- WHAT'S GOlNG ON? - NOTH lN'!

[Shuffles Cards] lT'S JUST--

HE'S A SMART GUY.

AND, WELL, lT WOULDN'T HURT YOU TO LEARN SOME TH lNGS.

SlNCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN lNTERESTED lN MY BRAlN?

SlNCE YOU STARTED EXPOSlNG lT TO THE PUBLlC ON THE RADlO.

WHAT DlD l DO? l WAS TRYlN' TO HELP YOU .

HONEY, lT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

PEOPLE DON'T KNOW YOU LlKE l DO. YOU JUST--

YOU KNOW, YOU COULD USE A LlTTLE EDUCATlON YOURSELF,

lF YOU ASK ME.

- WHO ASKED YA? - NOBODY.

SO SHUT UP.

[Doorbell Chimes]

HOLD ON A SECOND. THAT WlLL BE $225. 1 0.

l GOTTA GET THE DOOR. YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME PAY.

AWW .

1 0 CENTS.

SORE LOSER.

l'LL GET lT! NOW, YOU BE N lCE TO H lM.

ARE YOU KlDDlNG ME? THAT'S H lM AT THE DOOR?

l DON'T WANT SOME STUFFY OLD TUTOR.

- YOU BE N lCE TO H lM, OR l'LL CRACK YOU ONE! - lT'S A FREE COUNTRY.

THAT'S WHAT YOU TH lNK.

HEY!

[Door Closes] [Harry] BlLLlE.

TH lS lS PAUL VERRALL.

VERY PLEASED TO HAVE YOU HERE.

LOOK, l GOT SOME BUSlNESS TO TAKE CARE OF,

SO WHY DON'T YOU TWO GO SOMEPLACE N lCE AND TALK?

- YOU WOULDN'T MlND, WOULD YA? - NO WAY. l WOULD LOVE TO.

[Giggles Quietly]

[Snap]

- THANKS. - THANKS.

SO, UM, WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KlND OF GlGOLO?

[Laughing] NO, l JUST--

- WELL, HARRY WANTS ME TO-- - HE WANTS YOU TO SMARTEN ME UP?

NO, l'M SURE YOU'RE--

- l TH lNK HE JUST WANTS ME TO, UM-- - SMARTEN ME UP.

YEAH .

SO, WHAT'S HE PAYlN' YOU?

500 BUCKS A DAY.

SUCKER. COULDA GOTTEN TWlCE THAT.

HE'S GOT A LOT OF lT, YOU KNOW.

l'D HAVE DONE lT FOR NOTH lNG.

YOU KNOW, EVEN lF l AM STUPlD, lT HASN'T HURT ME NONE.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - WELL, l GOT EVERYTH lNG THAT l WANT.

GOT LOTS OF JEWELS. BlG, LlKE l LlKE. MlNK COAT.

A TV THAT FlTS lN MY PURSE.

l WANT SOMETH lNG. l ASK FOR lT.

lF HE DON'T GlVE ME WHAT l WANT,

l DON'T GlVE H lM WHAT HE WANTS,

lF YOU GET MY DRlFT.

AND YOU'RE HAPPY WlTH TH lS SETUP?

WELL, SO LONG AS l KNOW HOW TO GET WHAT l WANT, THAT'S ALL l WANNA KNOW.

MAKES SENSE.

AS LONG AS YOU KNOW WHAT lT lS YOU WANT.

EXACTLY. WHAT?

WELL, l MEAN, lF YOU DON'T KNOW A LOT,

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT A MlNK COAT lS THE BEST TH lNG TO HAVE?

BECAUSE l USED TO HAVE A RABBlT COAT.

[Jukebox] ♪ DlD YOU SAY l HAVE A LOT TO LEARN ♪

MMM, l LOVE TH lS SONG. LET'S DANCE.

OH, l DON'T, UH-- l CAN'T DANCE.

l CAN . HARRY AND ME WON A MEDAL ONCE.

WELL, UH, TH lS lSN'T A DANClNG PLACE.

lT lS lF YOU'RE DANClNG. COME ON .

UM. . .

♪♪

♪ WE'LL START WlTH THE ABC OF lT ♪

♪ THEN WE'LL ROLL DOWN TO THE XYZ OF lT ♪

[Chuckling Nervously] RELAX.

♪ HELP ME SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF lT ♪

♪ COME ON AND TEACH ME TON lGHT ♪ OKAY, SO WE SHOULD MAKE A LlST. . .

OF TH lNGS THAT YOU'D LlKE TO DO AND, UH--

♪ WELL, THE SKY'S A BLACKBOARD ♪ AND, UM--

♪ l DON'T MEAN JUNGLE H lGH ABOVE YOU ♪

SHH . ♪ AND lF A SHOOTlNG STAR GOES BY ♪

♪ l'LL USE THAT STAR TO WRlTE l LOVE YOU ♪

♪ A THOUSAND TlMES ACROSS THE SKY ♪

♪ ONE TH lNG lSN'T VERY CLEAR, MY LOVE ♪

♪ SHOULD THE TEACHER STAND SO NEAR, MY LOVE ♪

♪ GRADUATlON'S ALMOST HERE MY LOVE ♪

♪ GO ON, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ TEACH ME TON lGHT ♪

MAYBE l COULD TEACH YOU SOME TH lNGS. ♪ WELL, THE SKY'S A BLACKBOARD ♪

♪ H lGH ABOVE YOU ♪

♪ AND lF AN ASTRONAUT ZOOMS BY ♪

♪ l'LL REACH AND GRAB lT REAL FAST ♪

♪ AND WRlTE l LOVE YOU ♪♪

WELL, OKAY, UM--

GOOD N lGHT, MlSS DAWN, AND, UM-- [Giggling]

[Laughs] THANKS. THAT WAS FUN .

AREN'T YOU GONNA ESCORT ME TO MY ROOM?

UH, OH, UM--

- YEAH, UM, SURE. YEAH, OF COURSE. - YOU CAN CALL ME BlLLlE.

- BlLLlE. - YEAH . [Giggles]

YOU KNOW, lT'S FUNNY. YOU DON'T LOOK LlKE A BlLLlE.

NO?

- UH-UH . - DO l LOOK LlKE AN EMMA?

- EMMA? - YEAH . THAT'S MY REAL NAME.

l TOOK BlLLlE FOR VEGAS.

NO. YOU DON'T LOOK Ll--

UH, l MEAN, YOU DON'T LOOK LlKE AN EMMA ElTHER. [Laughing]

WHAT DO l LOOK LlKE?

- TO ME? - YEAH . TO YOU .

LlKE AN ANGEL. [Elevator Bell Rings]

[Chuckling] SWEET TALK AGAlN .

WELL.

- OKAY. GOOD N lGHT, BlLLlE-- - PAUL.

ARE YOU A TALKER, OR WOULD YOU BE lNTERESTED lN A LlTTLE ACTlON?

- EXCUSE ME? - WELL, l GOT THE HOTS FOR YOU RlGHT OFF.

UH--UH--WELL, DO YOU GET MANY?

NOW AND THEN .

- WHAT DO YOU DO ABOUT THEM? - STlCK AROUND AND YOU'LL FlND OUT.

[Laughing]

- WHAT ABOUT, UM-- - AW, DON'T WORRY ABOUT H lM.

HE'S TOO BUSY BElN' A BlG MAN .

[Laughing] TH lS lSN'T WHAT l EXPECTED.

WELL, WE'RE JUST TEACH lNG EACH OTHER WHAT WE KNOW.

YES, WELL, ABOUT THAT--

JUST READ THESE PAPERS AND ClRCLE ANYTH lNG YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. . .

- AND l'LL, UH-- - YEAH, WELL, l DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

MY EYES ARE KlND OF WEAK.

REALLY? WELL, MAYBE YOU OUGHTA TRY SOME GLASSES.

[Laughs] AND LOOK LlKE A GEEK?

OH . [Chuckles]

l'M SORRY.

THA--THA--THAT'S OKAY.

COURSE, THEY'RE NOT SO BAD ON MEN .

NO? [Elevator Bell Rings]

HEY! HOW ARE YOU TWO GUYS MAKlN' OUT?

OH, FlNE.

- PAUL JUST, UM, TAUGHT ME A LlTTLE FRENCH . - lS THAT RlGHT, PAL?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

- WAS SHE RUDE TO YOU? - OH, NO.

- CAUSE SHE'S GOT A MOUTH ON HER. - YES, l KNOW THAT.

WELL, l'M GONNA SAY GOOD N lGHT.

GOOD N lGHT. [Clears Throat]

HEY, WAlT A MlNUTE, BUDDY!

WHAT'S THE MATTER WlTH YOU?

WHERE'S YOUR MANNERS? SAY THANK YOU TO THE GUY.

OH . YEAH .

AU REVOlR.

- GOOD N lGHT, BlLLlE. - N lGHT.

[Elevator Bell Rings] YOU KNOW, THAT GUY COULD DO YOU A LOT OF GOOD.

MMM. l AGREE.

WHEW.

- H l . - H l .

[Giggles] HOW'D YOU KNOW lT WAS ME?

LUCKY GUESS. [Waitress] H l .

ARE YOU HAVlNG LUNCH TH lS AFTERNOON? JUST A CAPPUCClNO, THANKS.

OH, TH lS lS RlDlCULOUS.

lT LOOKS LlKE THE PAPER HAS THE CH lCKEN POX.

lT WOULD'VE BEEN EASlER lF YOU'D TOLD ME TO ClRCLE THE TH lNGS THAT l KNEW.

l'M NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO TALK TO ANYBODY lN TH lS TOWN .

WELL, l BROUGHT SOMETH lNG ALONG THAT MAY HELP YOU .

WHAT, SOMEBODY WHO'S REALLY SMART AND LOOKS JUST LlKE ME?

[Laughing] LOOK, YOU WANNA BE ABLE TO TALK TO PEOPLE lN TH lS TOWN?

WELL, lN WASH lNGTON, EVERYBODY SAYS EXACTLY THE SAME TH lNGS

AT EVERY PARTY.

YOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW THE RlGHT RESPONSES.

lF YOU LEARN THESE ElGHT SENTENCES, YOU'LL BE A H lT AT EVERY PARTY.

- YOU'RE KlDDlNG ME. - NOPE.

THOSE ElGHT SENTENCES COVER JUST ABOUT EVERYTH lNG

ANYBODY TALKS ABOUT lN TH lS TOWN .

lT'S THE GREAT WASH lNGTON ART. . .

OF SOUNDlN' LlKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKlN' ABOUT WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW ZlP.

- GO AHEAD, READ THE FlRST ONE. - OKAY. [Clears Throat]

"HERE'S WHAT l'D LlKE TO KNOW:

WHO ELECTED THE WASH lNGTON POST PRESlDENT?"

- THAT ONE APPLlES ABOUT 80% OF THE TlME. -OKAY.

NUMBER TWO: "WE CAN'T BE THE POLlCEMEN OF THE WORLD,

"BUT UNTlL WE GET ANOTHER COP ON THE BLOCK,

WE HAVE TO SUPPORT OUR FRlENDS."

THAT ONE COMES UP A LOT. NUMBER THREE.

"BElNG A SUPERPOWER HAS A PRlCE."

NOW, YOU CAN USE THAT ONE WlTH NUMBER TWO AND NUMBER FOUR. READ NUMBER FOUR.

NUMBER FOUR: "lT'S STlLL A DANGEROUS WORLD."

WAlT A MlNUTE, l'M JUST GONNA SAY THESE TH lNGS, AND l'M GONNA BE A H lT?

THANK YOU . WELL, UH, YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE TO SAY 'EM AT THE RlGHT TlME.

UH, READ NUMBER FlVE.

NUMBER FlVE: "THAT'S ABOUT AS LlKELY AS A DEMOCRAT BElNG ELECTED PRESlDENT."

YOU SEE? THAT ONE SHOWS YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.

THAT WAS FUNNY?

NUMBER SlX.

NUMBER SlX: "lT MAKES YOU WONDER lF A PARLl--

"PARLl-- PARLlAMENTARY.

PARLlAMENTARY SYSTEM lSN'T BETTER."

YEAH, THE WHOLE TH lNG MAKES ME WONDER.

- NUMBER SEVEN . - NUMBER SEVEN :

"l DON'T TH lNK ABE LlNCOLN H lMSELF WOULD KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT THAT."

NOW, YOU SAY THAT ONE WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

GOOD. THEN l'LL JUST SAY THAT ONE.

OKAY.

NOW, NUMBER ElGHT lS WHEN YOU'RE TRAPPED AND YOU WANNA SHUT SOMEONE UP.

"lF ONLY THE U .N . WOULD TAKE OUT. . .

"THE VERNOR AMENDMENT TO RESOLUTlON 1 65,

WE'D HAVE THE POWER TO DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE."

l DON'T UNDERSTAND ONE WORD OF THAT.

NO ONE WlLL. THERE lS NO VERNOR AMENDMENT.

BUT THE ONLY TlME ANYONE lN WASH lNGTON ADMlTS THEY DON'T KNOW SOMETH lNG. . .

lS WHEN THEY'RE BElNG lNDlCTED.

[Billie] BUT HOW AM l GONNA KNOW WHEN TO SAY WH lCH ONE?

[Paul] WELL, WE'LL-- WE'LL WORK OUT A CODE, OKAY?

TRY NOT TO TALK TO ANYONE.

TH lS GUY'S ONLY BEEN WORKlN' ON YOU FOR A DAY.

SHE CAN TALK TO ANYBODY, HARRY, AND MAKE YOU PROUD.

GREAT! TH lS lS WORKlN' BACKWARDS. lNSTEAD OF MAKlN' HER SMART,

SHE'S MAKlN' YOU STUPlD.

GOOD EVEN lNG.

♪♪ [Chamber Music]

[Harry] MlDDLE EAST lS A MONEY DRAlN .

NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE SEND OVER THERE, lT'LL ALWAYS BE THE SAME.

WE OUGHTA SPEND THAT MONEY OVER HERE AT HOME.

SO JUST lGNORE THE REGlON ALTOGETHER?

TELL ME, MlSS DAWN, WHAT DO YOU TH lNK?

lS THERE A CHANCE FOR PEACE lN THE MlDEAST?

[Clears Throat] UM, l TH lNK THE CHANCES ARE ABOUT AS GOOD. . .

AS GETTlNG A DEMOCRAT BACK lN THE WH lTE HOUSE? [Laughing]

WELL, AFTER ALL THE PROBLEMS THE PRESlDENT'S HAD RECENTLY,

HE DOESN'T HAVE MUCH CLOUT TO DO ANYTH lNG ANYWAY.

lT MAKES YOU WONDER lF A PARLlAMENTARY SYSTEM lSN'T BETTER.

[Woman] BUT l TH lNK WE SHOULD KEEP A STRONG PRESENCE OVER THERE.

- DON'T YOU? - WELL, HERE'S WHAT l HAVE TO SAY.

WHO ELECTED THE WASH lNGTON POST KlNG OF THE UN lVERSE?

THAT'S WHAT l'D LlKE TO KNOW. [Paul Clears Throat]

[Paul] AHEM. AHEM. EXCUSE ME.

[Billie] l'M SORRY. WHAT DlD YOU SAY? [Woman] l SAY,

DO YOU TH lNK WE SHOULD KEEP AN ACTlVE PRESENCE OVER THERE?

OH, FORGlVE ME. HOW SlLLY. l THOUGHT YOU SAlD--OH .

WELL, ANYWAY-- OKAY. ACTlVE PRESENCE. YEAH .

WELL, UM-- [Clears Throat] CALL ME OLD-FASH lONED.

l KNOW WE CAN'T BE THE POLlCEMEN OF THE WORLD,

BUT UNTlL WE GET ANOTHER COP ON THE BEAT,

WE HAVE AN OBLlGATlON TO SUPPORT OUR FRlENDS.

AFTER ALL, BElNG A SUPERPOWER HAS lTS PRlCE.

- SHE'S RlGHT. - MM-HMM.

lT'S STlLL A DANGEROUS WORLD.

YES, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PALESTlN lANS?

YES, WHAT ABOUT THE PALESTlN lANS?

YEAH, WHAT ABOUT THE PALESTlN lANS?

l DON'T TH lNK EVEN ABE LlNCOLN H lMSELF COULD SOLVE THAT ONE.

BUT LET'S SAY YOU'RE PRESlDENT.

YEAH, LET'S SAY YOU WAS PRESlDENT.

[Woman] WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

lT'S SlMPLE. lF THE U .N . WOULD REMOVE THE VERNOR AMENDMENT FROM RESOLUTlON 1 65,

WE'D HAVE THE AUTHORlTY TO DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.

HMM.

CAN l GET ANYONE ANYTH lNG?

l'D LOVE A DRlNK.

EXCUSE US.

- lSN'T SHE TERRlFlC? - HELL, l'M KNOCKED OUT.

- SHE'S RlGHT ABOUT THE VERNOR AMENDMENT. - OH, ABSOLUTELY!

[Hedges] lS lT THE ECONOMY OF THE STATE THAT WORRlES YOU, HARRY, OR YOUR OWN?

BOTH . lF l GO UNDER, l TAKE A LOT OF PEOPLE WlTH ME.

HARRY, l'M GETTlN' TlRED.

l GOT BUSlNESS.

HEY, DO ME A FAVOR, WlLL YA, PAL? TAKE HER HOME?

WlTH PLEASURE.

HEY. YOU DlD A HELL OF A JOB.

NO KlDDlN', PAL. A HELL OF A JOB.

TH lNG lS, SENATOR, WE CANNOT DO A TH lNG ABOUT THAT lSSUE. . .

UNTlL THE U .N . REMOVES THE VERNOR AMENDMENT TO--

- YEAH, UH-- 1 65. - WlTHOUT QUESTlON, THAT WAS lT.

[Laughing]

YOU WERE GREAT. EVERYBODY LOVED YOU .

WHAT'S THE MATTER? DON'T YOU TH lNK YOU WERE GREAT?

OH, YEAH . WE REALLY TRlCKED 'EM, DlDN'T WE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, lF YOU SAW A GOOD VENTRlLOQU lST,

WHO WOULD YOU COMPLlMENT, THE DUMMY?

- YOU'RE NOT A DUMMY. - [Sighs] HARRY'S RlGHT.

WELL, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DlD lT.

l STlLL DON'T KNOW ANYTH lNG,

ONLY NOW NOBODY CAN TELL.

BUT PAUL, THERE WAS ONE TlME RlGHT lN THE MlDDLE,

WHEN l WAS SAYlNG SOMETH lNG. . .

AND EVERYBODY WAS LOOKlN' AT ME LlKE l KNEW WHAT l WAS TALKlN' ABOUT.

[Giggles] AND l LlKED lT SO MUCH .

DlDJA TEACH ME TO CHEAT 'CAUSE YOU TH lNK l CAN'T LEARN?

OH, GOD, BlLLlE, NO. l--

l JUST DlDN'T TH lNK YOU WERE SO SERlOUS ABOUT lT.

l'M KlNDA SURPRlSED MYSELF. [Giggles]

BUT l BEEN TH lNKlN' A LOT LATELY ABOUT SOMETH lNG MY DAD USED TO SAY.

"WlTHOUT KNOWLEDGE, YOU'RE LESS THAN EVERYBODY."

AND l DON'T WANNA BE LESS.

l MEAN, l DON'T WANNA BE BETTER THAN ANYBODY NElTHER,

AND l DON'T WANNA GO ABOVE MYSELF.

l JUST WANT--

l WANT TO NOT BE LESS.

WELL, l'M AFRAlD lT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT.

CAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE.

[Laughs Quietly]

WELL, HERE WE ARE. SEE YOU TOMORROW?

SO, HOW ARE WE GONNA SMARTEN ME UP?

WELL,WE AREN'T GONNA DO lT.

YOU'RE GONNA DO lT.

lT'S YOUR BATTLE.

lT'S UP TO YOU .

GOOD N lGHT.

♪♪

WHAT ARE YOU READlN'?

DEMOCRACY lN AMERlCA BY, UM--

POCAHONTAS.

YEAH, SHE'S GOOD.

♪♪

[Laughing Quietly]

WHAT'S "ANACHRON lSTlC"?

DlCTlONARY.

lT'S A DlCTlONARY?

NO. LOOK lT UP lN THE DlCTlONARY.

GEEZ, THAT'S A BOOK?

lT'S BlGGER THAN MY FlRST APARTMENT.

[Sighs]

♪♪

[Sighs]

BlLLlE. BlLLlE, WHAT ARE YOU DOlNG?

l DON'T LlKE TH lS. l DON'T LlKE TH lS AT ALL.

l MEAN, EVERY WORD lN THERE l DON'T UNDERSTAND.

l HAD TO GO TO THE DlCTlONARY SO MANY TlMES,

PEOPLE MUST HAVE THOUGHT l WAS FORElGN OR SOMETH lNG.

l MEAN, TH lS WHOLE TH lNG lS MAKlNG ME FEEL DUMBER, NOT SMARTER.

l BEEN READlN' TH lS BOOK FOR A WEEK AND l'M ON PAGE 1 3?

- WELL, THAT'S NOT SO BAD. - YEAH, NOT lF THE BOOK'S 1 4 PAGES, lT'S NOT.

BlLLlE, lT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO GO FAST.

- lT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU TH lNK. - YEAH, lT MAKES YOU TH lNK, ALL RlGHT.

lT MAKES YOU TH lNK HOW GREAT lT WOULD BE TO SlT AROUND AND WATCH TV.

l DON'T WANNA DO TH lS ANYMORE, PAUL.

- l QU lT. l MEAN lT! l QU lT! - BlLLlE, BlLLlE. WAlT A MlNUTE.

BElNG SMART lSN'T JUST ABOUT BOOKS.

lT'S ABOUT ASKlNG QUESTlONS.

lT'S ABOUT FlNDlNG OUT WHY TH lNGS ARE THE WAY THEY ARE.

DON'T STOP READlNG.

BUT YOU PlCKED KlND OF A BlG BOOK TO BEGlN WlTH .

HOW ABOUT STARTlNG WlTH SOMETH lNG A LlTTLE SMALLER?

LlKE WHAT, A FORTUNE COOKlE?

[Chuckling]

UH-- MMM.

[Sighs]

- TH lS JUST CAME FOR YOU . - OH, THANKS. [Giggles]

[Whispering] "BlLLlE DAWN-- ONE WHO CAN DO ANYTH lNG."

♪ DlDJA SAY l'VE GOT A LOT TO LEARN ♪

♪ BUT DON'T TH lNK l'M TRYlN' NOT TO LEARN ♪

♪ SlNCE TH lS lS A PERFECT SPOT TO LEARN ♪

♪ COME ON TEACH ME TON lGHT ♪

♪ STARTlNG WlTH THE ABC OF lT ♪ ♪ ABC ♪

♪ RlGHT DOWN TO THE XYZ OF lT ♪ ♪ XYZ ♪

AAAH!

♪ HELP ME SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF lT, WHOA-OH-OH ♪

♪ l WANNA BE TAUGHT TON lGHT ♪ ♪ BOOP BOOP BOO-OOP ♪

♪ BECAUSE THE SKY'S A BLACKBOARD ♪

♪ H lGH ABOVE ME ♪

♪ lF A SHOOTlNG STAR GOES BY ♪

♪ l'LL USE THAT STAR TO WRlTE l LOVE YOU ♪

♪ A THOUSAND TlMES ACROSS THE SKY ♪

[Tim Allen] TO ME A SAW lS A SAW. ♪ WHAT lSN'T VERY CLEAR MY LOVE ♪♪

- H l . - HEY.

♪ SHOULD THAT TEACHER STAND SO NEAR, MY LOVE, YEAH ♪

♪ GRADUATlON'S ALMOST HERE MY LOVE ♪

- STlLL TRYlN' TO READ TH lS BOOK? - MM-HMM.

[Laughing]

WHAT? ♪ COME ON, FELLAS ♪

♪ SAY lT TON l-lGHT ♪ [Laughing Uncontrollably]

♪ YEAH, YEAH YEAH-YEAH-YEAH ♪

♪ COME ON TEACH ME TON lGHT ♪ [Laughing Loudly]

♪ YEAH, COME ON, BABY YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ COME ON TEACH ME TON lGHT ♪

♪ YES, l WlLL ♪

♪ MY BABY, BABY, BABY YEAH ♪

♪ COME ON TEACH ME TON lGHT, YEAH ♪

♪ l WANT YOU TO TEACH ME, HEY ♪

♪ TEACH ME, HEY NOW ♪

♪ TEACH ME TEACH ME ♪

♪ TEACH ME TEACH ME, BABY ♪ [Doorbell Chimes]

♪ YEAH-YEAH, YEAH ♪♪

HELLO, JJ .

UM, BlLLlE CALLED ME. lS SHE HERE?

YEAH, SHE lS.

- YOU WANNA LET HER KNOW l'M HERE? - UH . . . YEAH .

[Harry] l DON'T SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM lS.

[Man] OUR PROBLEM lS SlMPLE lSSUES.

THERE ARE COMPETlNG ECONOMlC CONSlDERATlONS. WE'VE GOT TO WAlT--

[Harry] LOOK, BOYS, DON'T JERK ME AROUND.

lF YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME OUT,

l NEED TO KNOW, AND l NEED TO KNOW NOW.

[Ed] HARRY'S BLUNT ABOUT lT, BUT A LOT lS RlDlNG ON TH lS.

HE lS THE PRlNClPAL EMPLOYER OF THE WHOLE AREA.

OH, SORRY, l WAS LOOKlNG FOR BlLLlE. SHE'S NOT HE--

SENATOR HEDGES, H l . PAUL VERRALL.

l lNTERVlEWED YOU A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO.

- OF COURSE. l LOVED WHAT YOU DlD. - THANKS.

OH, HERE SHE lS. l TH lNK YOU TWO WOULD BE MORE COMFORTABLE--

BlLLlE, WOULD YOU MAKE TH lS POOR MAN A DRlNK? lT'S SWELTERlNG.

lT'S N lCE TO SEE YOU AGAlN, PAUL.

N lCE TO SEE YOU, GENTLEMEN . GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAlN .

HARRY. HEY, KlD.

[Door Closes]

- WHAT DlD HE MEAN, HE lNTERVlEWED YOU? - HE'S A REPORTER.

NO, HE'S DOlNG A PUFF PlECE ON HARRY.

NOT ANYMORE, NOW THAT HE'S SEEN H lM ALONE lN THE ROOM WlTH ALL OF US.

- THANKS FOR COMlNG SO QU lCK. - UH-- UH, QU lCKLY.

- QU lCKLY. - UH, BlLLlE--

- HARRY'S GOT SlX SENATORS lN THERE. - SO? HE'S HAD 'EM BEFORE.

WELL, SENATORS DON'T USUALLY MAKE HOUSE CALLS.

WELL, HARRY GETS PEOPLE TO DO TH lNGS THEY DON'T USUALLY DO.

YOU WANNA KNOW THE TRlCK THAT l CAME UP WlTH . . .

TO REMEMBER THE AMENDMENTS TO THE CONSTlTUTlON?

- BlLLlE. - WHAT?

YOU'VE WORKED REALLY HARD TO MAKE YOURSELF SMART.

BUT?

WELL, A SMART PERSON KNOWS WHO SHE'S LlVlNG WlTH .

WELL, GENTLEMEN, l REALLY DON'T WANT YOU TO WORRY ABOUT TH lS TOO MUCH .

♪♪ [Classical Music] [Paul] AH, THAT'S BEAUTlFUL.

OKAY. l TH lNK YOU'LL REALLY ENJOY DAVlD COPPERFlELD.

- YEAH? - ANYTH lNG BY DlCKENS lS FUN TO--

WHAT lS TH lS CRAP?

lT'S HAYDN, OP. 1 1 1 .

- lT'S A CLASSlCAL PlECE, HARRY. - CLASSlC PlECE OF SH lT, lF YOU ASK ME.

l LlKE lT. lT'S GOOD BEFORE BED.

SO NOW, THE FlFTH AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTlTUTlON SAYS. . .

THAT YOU CAN'T TESTlFY AGAlNST YOURSELF.

HOW WOULD THAT EVEN WORK? lT SEEMS PHYSlCALLY lMPOSSlBLE.

TEACH lN' HER ABOUT THE FlFTH?

WELL, UH, THE CONSTlTUTlON . WE SAW lT THE OTHER DAY, AND l THOUGHT--

lT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO TH lNK. YOUR JOB lS TO GET HER TO TH lNK.

- [Billie] HARRY. - lT'S OKAY, BlLLlE.

FlRST OF ALL, SHE KNOWS HOW TO TH lNK, AND SECOND--

l NEED HER SO SHE CAN TALK AT PARTlES, NOT PASS SOME ANClENT H lSTORY TEST.

[Chuckling] YOU TH lNK THE CONSTlTUTlON lS ANClENT H lSTORY?

- HEY, WORK ON HER, NOT ME. - NO EXTRA CHARGE.

l DON'T NEED NOTH lN' YOU COULD TELL ME.

THERE'S A LOT YOU DON'T KNOW HE COULD TELL YOU .

- l'LL BET. - WHO'S TOM PAlNE, FOR lNSTANCE?

WHAT DO l CARE WHO TOM PAlNE lS?

lF HE'S NOT BUYlN' FROM ME, WHY SHOULD l CARE?

YOU'RE SO SMART, WHO'S DAVE RlGHETTl?

LEFT-HANDED PlTCHER FOR THE GlANTS.

PlTCHED A NO-H lTTER FOR THE YANKS lN '83. [Billie Giggles]

SO, WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KlND OF GEN lUS?

- NO. - l FlRE GEN lUSES EVERY DAY.

CLEARLY.

YOU KNOW, THE MORE l SEE YOU, THE LESS l LlKE YOU .

lS THAT THE WAY YOU TALK TO YOUR SENATOR FRlENDS TOO, HARRY?

l'M GONNA TELL YOU TH lS ONCE:

DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK, STAY OUT OF MY BUSlNESS,

KEEP YOUR EYE ON WHAT l PAY YOU TO KEEP lT ON,

OR l'LL TEAR lT OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

l GOTTA GO, BlLLlE.

JUST REMEMBER, FOUR EYES--

ANYTlME l WANT l CAN KNOCK YOUR BLOCK OFF.

- SEE YOU LATER, BlLLlE. - BYE.

- ED SAlD NOT TO FORGET THESE. - THAT GUY'S STARTlN' TO BUG ME.

HERE, DOLL. SlGN THESE PAPERS.

WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU DOlNG lN WASH lNGTON, HARRY?

WELL, l'M TELLlNG YOU TO SlGN THOSE PAPERS, AND YOU'RE GOlNG TO SlGN THEM.

l DON'T WANNA DO ANYTH lNG THAT'S AGAlNST THE LAW. THAT'S FOR SURE.

l AM THE LAW.

lT SEEMS TO ME, BY SlGN lNG THESE,

- lT MAKES ME SOME KlND OF A PARTNER. - A SlLENT PARTNER.

- SO? - SO SHUT UP!

YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM lS, HARRY?

YOU'RE NOT JUST RUDE, YOU'RE. . .

FLAGRANT ABOUT lT.

- YOU'VE BEEN READlNG DE TOCQUEVlLLE. - WELL, YEAH .

YOU KNOW, AFTER WE TALKED ON YOUR SHOW,

l FlGURED THAT lT WAS PRETTY BAD THAT l HADN'T READ SUCH AN lMPORTANT BOOK,

SO l READ lT.

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORlTE PART?

WELL, l'M NOT SURE lT'S THE KlND OF A BOOK. . .

- WHERE YOU CAN HAVE A FAVORlTE PART. - YES, YOU CAN . l DlD.

l LlKED WHEN HE SAlD, "WHAT lS NOT YET DONE. . .

lS ONLY WHAT WE HAVE NOT YET ATTEMPTED TO DO."

THAT MADE ME FEEL GOOD.

SO, WHAT PART DlD YOU LlKE?

- MAY l BE HONEST? - YEAH .

l HAVEN'T READ lT.

BUT YOU SAlD lT WAS THE ONE BOOK ON DEMOCRACY WORTH READlNG.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY SAYS.

lN FACT, THAT'S ALL ANYBODY KNOWS ABOUT DE TOCQUEVlLLE,

EXCEPT YOU .

WELL, lT'S NOT SO BAD ONCE YOU STOP FALLlNG ASLEEP. [Chuckling]

- H l . - H l .

- l COULDN'T WAlT TO SEE HOW lT WENT. - SO, SHE'S STUPlD.

WELL, ALL l MEAN lS THAT l DlDN'T FEEL STUPlD MYSELF.

GET TH lS. SHE HADN'T NEVER READ THE BOOK.

- YOU'RE KlDDlNG. - NO.

PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS PRETENDlNG TO BE SMARTER THAN THEY ARE.

l DON'T.

YEAH, l KNOW, BlLLlE. YOU'RE AN HONEST WOMAN .

WAlT A MlNUTE, WHEN l JUST SAlD SHE HADN'T NEVER READ THE BOOK,

THAT WASN'T RlGHT, WAS lT?

- WELL, lT WAS A DOUBLE NEGATlVE, BUT-- - WELL, COME ON .

YOU TOLD ME YOU'D TELL ME WHEN l MADE A MlSTAKE.

l MEAN, A PERSON WHO READS DE TOCQUEVlLLE

SHOULD KNOW NOT TO DO NO DOUBLE NEGATlVES.

YES, MA'AM.

SMELLS GOOD lN HERE, DOESN'T lT?

[lnhaling] MMM.

lF l'D KNOWN ART SMELLED TH lS GOOD, l WOULD'VE COME A LONG TlME AGO.

[Laughing]

WOW.

GOD, lT'S SO SMALL, BUT lT'S LlKE lT'S BlGGER THAN THE WHOLE ROOM.

VAN GOGH PAlNTED TH lS NEAR THE END OF H lS LlFE.

WHAT A SHAME THAT HE WAS NEVER RECOGN lZED WH lLE HE WAS STlLL LlVlNG,

DON'T YOU TH lNK?

MY MOTHER DlED WHEN l WAS LlTTLE. . .

AND MY DAD RAlSED ME AND MY BROTHERS.

AND HE LOVED US SO MUCH, BUT. . .

l NEVER KNEW A WORLD LlKE THAT.

WHY DlDN'T YOU EVER KlSS ME AGAlN?

- WELL, lT'S COMPLlCATED. - WHAT'S COMPLlCATED?

l MEAN, ElTHER YOU KlSS ME OR YOU DON'T, AND YOU DlDN'T.

BlLLlE, l'M WORKlN' FOR HARRY,

AND l'M WRlTlN' A STORY ABOUT H lM, AND YOU'RE LlVlNG WlTH H lM.

THEN WHY'D YOU KlSS ME THE FlRST TlME?

l MADE A MlSTAKE.

GEE, SORRY.

BlLLlE. BlLLlE, lT'S NOT ABOUT YOU .

lT'S ABOUT ETH lCS.

lF l GET lNVOLVED WlTH YOU, l'M NO DlFFERENT THAN HARRY.

l DON'T WANNA USE YOU LlKE HARRY USES SENATORS TO GET WHAT HE WANTS.

YOU'RE CRAZY ABOUT ME, AREN'T YOU?

YES.

THAT'S WHY YOU GET SO MAD AT HARRY.

l DON'T HATE HARRY.

l HATE H lS KlND OF LlFE,

WHAT HE DOES, WHAT HE STANDS FOR.

HARRY DOESN'T KNOW ANY BETTER.

HE'S NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE lN THE WORLD BUT H lMSELF.

- WELL, WHO DOES? - OH, GOD, BlLLlE, MlLLlONS OF PEOPLE DO.

THE WHOLE DAMN H lSTORY OF THE WORLD. . .

lS THE STORY OF THE FlGHT BETWEEN THE SELFlSH AND THE UNSELFlSH .

WHERE DO l FlT lN?

l--l HONESTLY DON'T KNOW.

YOU STlLL TH lNK l'M THE KlND OF PERSON THAT GOES WlTH HARRY?

YOU'RE STlLL WlTH H lM, AREN'T YOU?

BlLLlE, COME ON NOW. BE FAlR.

YOU'RE THE ONE THAT TOLD ME ALL YOU WANTED OUT OF LlFE. . .

WAS A MlNK COAT AND A TV THAT FlT lN YOUR PURSE.

BUT THAT'S WHY l DlD ALL TH lS LEARN lNG: TO CHANGE.

AND lT DlDN'T MAKE A DlFFERENCE.

- YOU DON'T TH lNK YOU'RE DlFFERENT? - l DO, SURE,

BUT YOU DON'T.

YOU STlLL SEE ME THE SAME AS l WAS.

lN THAT WAY YOU'RE NO DlFFERENT FROM HARRY.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

CAUSE HE STlLL TH lNKS l'M A BlMBO FROM VEGAS, AND SO DO YOU .

NO, l DON'T--

YOU KNOW, l'VE NEVER GONE THROUGH ANYTH lNG LlKE TH lS FOR ANYBODY.

l MEAN, LAST N lGHT l STARTED TH lNKlNG, AND l COULDN'T FALL ASLEEP FOR 1 0 MlNUTES.

BlLLlE, WAlT.

HOW COME l FEEL LlKE l DON'T FlT lN ANYMORE?

TELL ME WHY l'M SO UNHAPPY WlTH EVERYTH lNG THAT l USED TO WANT.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETH lNG, PAUL.

l DON'T KNOW ABOUT ALL TH lS BOOK STUFF AND ETH lCS AND EVERYTH lNG,

BUT l DO KNOW lT ONLY TAKES YOU SO FAR,

AND AFTER THAT, YOU HAVE TO GO ON WHAT YOU FEEL,

NOT ON WHAT YOU KNOW.

BUT l KNOW ONE TH lNG.

THERE'S A TlME BETWEEN A GUY AND A GlRL. . .

WHEN lT ElTHER COMES OFF OR lT DOESN'T.

AND lF lT DOESN'T THEN, lT NEVER DOES.

UH, MAYBE WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO OUR TlME YET.

NO. WE DlD. YOU JUST DROPPED THE BALL.

[Harry] FOR ALL OUR GRlPlN' ABOUT WHATEVER, WE'RE A LUCKY GROUP.

WE GOT FOOD, A ROOF, GOOD FRlENDS AROUND US.

l WAS WATCH lN' THE TUBE THE OTHER DAY, AND l SAW TH lS STORY

ABOUT HOW MANY HOMELESS WE GOT THAT ARE VETERANS.

l TH lNK THEY OUGHTA TACK TH lS ON THE CONSTlTUTlON :

lF YOU RlSK YOUR LlFE FOR YOUR COUNTRY, YOU OUGHTA HAVE A HOME.

WELL, THE SlXTH AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTlTUTlON SAYS

YOU CAN'T BE DEPRlVED OF PROPERTY WlTHOUT COMPENSATlON .

lT'S TOO BAD THEY DlDN'T OFFER THAT PROTECTlON TO VETERANS.

THAT'S lN THE FlFTH AMENDMENT.

- UH, NO, NO, NO. - l TH lNK lT'S THE SlXTH .

DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTlON TO HER. SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S TALKlNG ABOUT.

ACTUALLY YOU'RE BOTH WRONG. PROPERTY COMPENSATlON lS THE SEVENTH .

- lT'S THE FlFTH . - BlLLlE,

EVERYBODY KNOWS THE FlFTH AMENDMENT

lS THE ONE WHERE YOU DON'T HAVE TO lNCRlMlNATE YOURSELF.

ACTUALLY, BOTH THE SENATORS ARE WRONG.

BlLLlE'S RlGHT.

HA! THANKS.

THERE ARE A BUNCH OF CLAUSES lN THE FlFTH

AND ONE OF THEM lS PROPERTY COMPENSATlON .

- THE SlXTH lS RlGHT TO A SPEEDY TRlAL. - YOU PUT US TO SHAME.

HOW DO YOU KEEP 'EM STRAlGHT? ARE YOU A CONSTlTUTlONAL LAWYER?

NO.

UM, l'M A STUDENT, l GUESS.

l HAVE A HARD TlME KEEPlNG 'EM STRAlGHT MYSELF,

SO l HAVE TO MAKE UP LlTTLE TRlCKS. LlKE A, UH . . .

MNEMON lC DEVlCE?

l DlDN'T BUY ANYTH lNG FOR lT, lF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN .

- ANYWAY, LlKE l WAS SAYlN'-- - WHAT'S YOUR TRlCK?

- REALLY? - MM-HMM.

YOU'D PROBABLY TH lNK l'M NUTS, BUT l USE "THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRlSTMAS."

[Laughter]

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TEACH lT TO US?

- REALLY? - SURE. YEAH .

- OH, TH lS'LL BE FUN . - BlLLlE,

OKAY, STOP lT. THAT'S ENOUGH . WE GOT BUSlNESS TO DO HERE.

WE WERE UNDER THE lMPRESSlON THAT TH lS WAS A SOClAL OCCASlON .

PLEASE.

THANKS. DOES ANYBODY HAVE A PEN?

[Man] MM-HMM, SURE. [Billie] THANK YOU .

[Clanging]

AND NOW, THE SENATE FAMlLY SlNGERS. . .

WlTH "THE TWELVE lNTERESTlNG AMENDMENTS."

OP. NUMBER 1 . H lT lT.

♪ THE FlRST AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTlTUTlON SAYS ♪

[Senator] ♪ FREEDOM OF RELlGlON SPEECH AND PRESS ♪

♪ THE SECOND PART OF THE FlRST AMENDMENT SAYS ♪

[Woman] ♪ PEACEFUL ASSEMBLY ♪

[Senator] ♪ AND JUST SAY ANY CRAZY TH lNG YOU LlKE ♪

♪ THE SECOND AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTlTUTlON SAYS ♪

RlGHT TO BEAR ARMS.

♪ PEACEFUL ASSEMBLY ♪

♪ AND JUST SAY ANY CRAZY TH lNG YOU LlKE ♪

GOOD. ♪ THE FOURTH AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTlTUTlON SAYS ♪

♪ NO SEARCH AND SElZURE ♪

HERE lS MY GUN . FREEZE. [Laughing]

♪ ASSEMBLE AND BE N lCE ♪

♪ AND JUST SAY ANY CRAZY TH lNG YOU LlKE ♪

[Billie] ♪ THE FlFTH AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTlTUTlON SAYS ♪

♪♪ [Drumroll]

DON'T RAT ON YOURSELF.

♪ WHERE'S YOUR WARRANT PLEASE ♪ HERE lS MY GUN . FREEZE.

♪ ASSEMBLE AND BE N lCE ♪

♪ AND JUST SAY ANY CRAZY TH lNG YOU LlKE ♪

VERY GOOD. ♪ THE SlXTH AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTlTUTlON SAYS ♪

♪ RlGHT TO A QU lCK TRlAL ♪

DON'T RAT ON YOURSELF.

♪ WHERE'S YOUR WARRANT PLEASE ♪

HERE lS MY GUN . FREEZE. ♪ ASSEMBLE AND BE N lCE ♪

♪ AND JUST SAY ANY CRAZY TH lNG YOU LlKE ♪

♪ THE TH lRTEENTH AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTlTUTlON SAYS ♪

♪ SLAVERY lS lNVALlD ♪ RlGHT TO A QU lCK TRlAL ♪

[Hesitantly] ♪ DON'T RAT ON YOURSELF ♪

- ♪ WHERE'S YOUR WARRANT PLEASE - ♪ HERE lS MY GUN, FREEZE ♪

♪ ASSEMBLE AND BE N lCE AND JUST SAY ANY CRAZY TH lNG YOU LlKE ♪

GOOD. ♪ THE FlFTEENTH AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTlTUTlON SAYS ♪

♪ ALL RACES GET THE BALLOT ♪ ♪ SLAVERY lS lNVALlD ♪

- ♪ RlGHT TO A QU lCK TRlAL ♪ - ♪ DON'T RAT ON YOURSELF ♪

- ♪ WHERE'S YOUR WARRANT PLEASE ♪ - ♪ HERE lS MY GUN, FREEZE ♪

♪ ASSEMBLE AND BE N lCE ♪ ♪ AND JUST SAY ANY CRAZY TH lNG YOU LlKE ♪

[Laughter] ♪ THE SlXTEENTH AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTlTUTlON SAYS ♪

♪ CONGRESS CAN TAKE TAXES ♪ ♪ ALL RACES GET THE BALLOT ♪

♪ SLAVERY lS lNVALlD ♪ ♪ RlGHT TO A QU lCK TRlAL ♪

♪ DON'T RAT ON YOURSELF ♪

♪ WHERE'S YOUR WARRANT PLEASE ♪ ♪ HERE lS MY GUN, FREEZE ♪

♪ ASSEMBLE AND BE N lCE ♪ ♪ AND JUST SAY ANY CRAZY TH lNG YOU LlKE ♪

YES! ♪ THE ElGHTEENTH AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTlTUTlON SAYS ♪

♪ ALCOHOL WlLL KlLL YOU ♪ ♪ UNCLE SAM WlLL BlLL YOU ♪

♪ ALL RACES GET THE BALLOT ♪ ♪ SLAVERY lS lNVALlD ♪

♪ RlGHT TO A QU lCK TRlAL ♪ ♪ DON'T RAT ON YOURSELF ♪

♪ WHERE'S YOUR WARRANT PLEASE ♪ ♪ HERE lS MY GUN, FREEZE ♪

♪ ASSEMBLE AND BE N lCE ♪ ♪ AND JUST SAY ANY CRAZY TH lNG YOU LlKE ♪

♪ THE N lNETEENTH AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTlTUTlON SAYS ♪

♪ WOMEN VOTE LlKE MEN DO ♪

♪ ALCOHOL WlLL KlLL YOU ♪ ♪ UNCLE SAM WlLL BlLL YOU ♪

- ♪ ALL RACES GET THE BALLOT ♪ - ♪ SLAVERY lS lNVALlD ♪

- ♪ RlGHT TO A QU lCK TRlAL ♪ - ♪ DON'T RAT YOURSELF OUT ♪

♪ WHERE'S YOUR WARRANT PLEASE ♪ ♪ HERE'S MY GUN, FREEZE ♪

♪ ASSEMBLE AND BE N lCE ♪

[Together] ♪ AND JUST SAY ANY CRAZY TH lNG YOU LlKE ♪♪

[Harry] YOU'RE THE GUY THAT lSN'T COMlN' ACROSS!

l WANT THAT BASE OPENED!

[Hedges] l AM NOT AN EMPLOYEE OF YOURS, HARRY!

NO? WHY DO YOU TH lNK l BOUGHT 40,000 COPlES OF YOUR BOOK?

CAUSE l KEPT MlSPLAClNG lT?

l AM NOT SOME LACKEY lN ONE OF YOUR MALLS!

[Hedges] l WlLL DEClDE lF l HELP YOU, AND HOW MUCH l HELP YOU .

YOU'RE MAKlNG A TERRlBLE MlSTAKE TREATlNG ME TH lS WAY.

YOU ARE NOT A CHARlTY. YOU ARE NOT A COST. YOU ARE AN lNVESTMENT.

lF YOU DON'T WANNA WlND UP AS A SECRETARY TO THE YMCA,

- YOU DO WHAT l TELL YOU! - HARRY.

HARRY, FOR GOD'S SAKE, LET ME GET H lM BACK HERE. LET'S CLEAR TH lS.

[Hedges] l TH lNK HE WAS CLEAR ENOUGH .

GO ON!

- BlLLlE. - H l .

YOU KNOW, l DON'T TH lNK THAT HARRY SHOULD TALK TO YOU LlKE THAT.

YOU'RE A SENATOR.

WELL, THE OPERATlON OF GOVERNMENT lS COMPLEX.

YEAH, BUT l DON'T TH lNK ANYBODY SHOULD TALK TO A SENATOR LlKE THAT.

- A SENATOR lS A WONDERFUL TH lNG. - THANK YOU .

YOU KNOW, lT SEEMS TO ME THAT lF HARRY PUSHES YOU AROUND,

HE'S PUSH lNG AROUND A FEW MlLLlON PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR YOU .

- WELL, NOT QU lTE THAT MANY. - HOW MANY THEN?

863,434.

THAT'S A LOT OF PEOPLE TO PUSH AROUND.

WHY DO YOU LET H lM? l MEAN, WHO VOTED FOR H lM?

WELL, AT LEAST HE BELlEVES lN WHAT HE'S DOlNG.

MAYBE THAT'S WHY HE'S SUCH A HARD MAN TO SAY NO TO.

lT'S GETTlNG EASlER.

- LET ME KNOW YOUR SECRET. GOOD-BYE. - BYE.

HELLO, BlLLlE.

- WHAT lS TH lS? - SAME OLD STUFF.

WELL, l LlKE HAVlNG TH lNGS EXPLAlNED. l FOUND THAT OUT.

WELL, LET ME EXPLAlN TH lS. DON'T START UP WlTH H lM. THEY'RE LEGlT.

WHY CAN'T l READ 'EM THEN?

THERE MUST BE SOMETH lNG WRONG WlTH THEM.

THEY'RE ALL RlGHT! l--l'M SORRY.

lT'S OKAY. l UNDERSTAND.

YOU DON'T WANNA BE DOlN' H lS DlRTY WORK.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE BETTER THAN H lM.

THAT'S ENOUGH, BlLLlE, PLEASE.

l'M NOT SO SURE. MAYBE YOU'RE WORSE.

"PURSUANT."

GOOD WORD. [Door Opens]

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

ED.

- WHAT'D HE DO TO YOU? - lT'S WHAT HE'S DONE TO H lMSELF.

DlD YOU KNOW HE USED TO BE ATTORNEY GENERAL OF A WHOLE STATE?

DlD YOU KNOW THAT HE WROTE A BOOK?

lT WAS CALLED "THE ROOTS OF FREEDOM."

lT WAS GREAT. l READ lT. lT WAS BEAUTlFUL.

DON'T TlE UP YOUR NEW BRAlN WlTH ED.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT AS BlG AS l USED TO TH lNK ElTHER.

ALL THROUGH H lSTORY THERE'S BEEN BlGGER MEN, AND BETTER.

NAME SOMEBODY BlGGER.

MY FATHER.

- [Spits] MlN lMUM WAGE. - SO WHAT?

AT LEAST HE SPENT TlME WlTH ME.

- l WORK EVERY DAY, EVEN SUNDAYS. - YEAH, BUT FOR WHAT, HARRY?

- FOR WHO-- FOR WHOM? - FOR MONEY! WHAT DO YOU TH lNK?

SO YOU MlGHT AS WELL GO ROB A BANK. THAT'S WORK.

l HAVE NEVER lN MY WHOLE LlFE-- [Door Opens]

--ROBBED A BANK! WELL, YOU'RE STlLL NOT BlG. YOU KNOW WHY?

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTH lNG BlG.

LlSTEN, CUTlE, DON'T GET NERVOUS JUST 'CAUSE YOU READ A BOOK.

YOU'RE STlLL AS DUMB AS YOU EVER WERE,

BUT l DON'T MlND 'CAUSE YOU'RE STlLL THE HOTTEST LlTTLE P--

COME 'ERE.

l NEVER SEEN YOU LlKE TH lS. WHAT'S THE MATTER WlTH YOU?

MY LlFE lS WHAT'S THE MATTER WlTH ME.

MAYBE l AM DUMB, BUT l KNOW THERE'S A BETTER LlFE THAN TH lS.

l WANNA BE LlKE THOSE VAN GOGH PEOPLE,

WHERE PEOPLE CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER.

HARRY!

YOU KNOW, YOU GOT MONEY, HARRY, BUT YOU GOT A CHEAP LlFE.

l DON'T OWN NOTH lN' CHEAP EXCEPT YOU .

YEAH, THERE'S A LlTTLE LAW ABOUT THAT. NOBODY CAN OWN ANYBODY.

YEAH, WELL, WHAT l SAY lS LAW,

SO SHUT UP.

SlGN THE PAPERS.

- BUSlNESS lS ALL YOU CARE ABOUT. - BUSlNESS?

BUSlNESS BOUGHT YOU THAT LlTTLE OUTFlT YOU'RE lN . . .

AND JUST ABOUT EVERYTH lNG ELSE YOU OWN, SO CUT THE CRAP! SlGN THE PAPERS!

ALL RlGHT.

WHAT'RE YOU WAlTlN' FOR?

- l WANNA READ 'EM FlRST. - JUST DO lT.

LlSTEN, YOU BlG OX, lF l'M PUTTlN' MY NAME ON SOMETH lN', l WANNA KNOW WHAT lT SAYS.

THAT'S lT. l'VE HAD lT.

YOU'RE GONNA SlGN THEM PAPERS, AND THEN l'M SENDlN' YOU BACK TO CH lCAGO.

NO.

- SlGN THE PAPERS! - l WANNA READ 'EM FlRST!

NO! HARRY!

NO! [Sobbing]

NO, HARRY!

♪♪

DlD YA DO lT?

[Sighing] YEAH .

GET OUT.

♪♪

HEY. HEY, HEY, HEY!

lT SU lTES YOU RlGHT, YOU BlG ANARCH lST.

DON'T YOU EVER LAY A HAND ON ME AGAlN .

lF TH lNGS AREN'T WORKlN' OUT BETWEEN US, THEN THEY'RE NOT WORKlN' OUT,

BUT DON'T MAKE ME HATE YOU .

[Elevator Bell Rings]

DO ME A FAVOR, HARRY.

- WHAT? - DROP DEAD.

l TH lNK THAT HE'S DONE SOMETH lNG lLLEGAL,

AND NOW THAT l'VE SlGNED THESE PAPERS MAYBE l HAVE TOO.

- HAVE YOU READ THEM? - NO. H lM AND ED WOULDN'T LET ME.

- HE AND ED. NOMlNATlVE CASE. - OH, YEAH .

SEE HOW UPSET l AM?

- l'LL JUST CHECK AND SEE. - YEAH . l'LL WAlT HERE.

lS MR. BROCK UPSTAlRS? DO YOU KNOW?

- NO. HE WENT OUT A WH lLE AGO. - THANKS.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE KEEPS THE PAPERS YOU SlGNED?

YEAH . l'LL SHOW YOU,

BUT WE HAVE TO HURRY 'CAUSE WHO KNOWS WHEN HE'S GONNA COME BACK.

RlGHT lN HERE. HE KEEPS EVERYTH lNG lN TH lS TH lNG.

- lN TH lS ONE? - YEAH .

OH, PAUL--lS lT lN A BROWN FOLDER, YOU SAY?

HURRY! WE'LL JUST TAKE EVERYTH lNG.

- lS TH lS lT? - YES.

[Door Opens] OH! OH, NO!

HURRY! UM, UM--

WHOA! OH!

SHH!

[Footsteps] OH, NO. lT'S H lM!

[Door Opens, Footsteps]

[Gasping, Screaming] [Screaming]

THANK YOU .

[Door Closes]

TH lS ONE.

- HERE? - MM-HMM.

HE'S PUT ALL OF H lS COMPAN lES lN YOUR NAME.

THEY'RE ALL CALLED "BlLLlE"?

NO. l--l MEAN, YOU OWN THEM.

THESE PAPERS DON'T GlVE H lM CONTROL OVER YOU .

lT GlVES YOU CONTROL OVER H lM.

[Chuckling] YOU'RE HARRY'S BOSS.

- l AM? - YEAH .

- UH-OH . - WHAT?

OF COURSE.

- WHAT? - THESE ARE PHOTOSTAT COPlES. . .

OF CHECKS THAT HARRY'S WRlTTEN TO THE SENATORS.

HE'S BEEN BRlBlNG THE SENATORS TO KEEP THAT BASE OPEN .

WHAT DOES HE CARE lF THE BASE CLOSES?

- OH! ALL H lS CUSTOMERS. - EXACTLY.

OH . POOR HARRY.

YEAH, POOR BRlBE-GlVlN', LAW-BREAKlN' HARRY.

ALRlGHT, l'M GONNA TAKE TH lS STUFF TO THE PAPER.

BY GEORGE, l KNEW lT. NOW ALL l GOTTA DO lS WRlTE lT.

UM, JUST A MlNUTE.

l CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT.

JUST ANOTHER NECKLACE, OR ARE YOU GONNA TRY SOMETH lNG ELSE?

MAY l HELP YOU, SlR? GlVE ME THE BlGGEST WEDDlNG RlNG YOU GOT.

- WHAT? - THAT'S RlGHT. l'M MARRYlNG HER.

- YOU'RE KlDDlNG. - SHE'S BEEN JUMPY, YOU KNOW?

l MEAN, lT'S BEEN ElGHT YEARS. WHAT DO YOU TH lNK SHE'S WORRYlNG ABOUT?

ANYWAY, l WAS ROUGH ON HER.

SHE NEEDS TO KNOW l WANT HER AROUND NO MATTER WHAT.

l'LL TAKE TH lS STUFF TO THE PAPER.

YOU PACK AND l'LL COME BACK FOR YOU, OKAY?

PAUL, l DON'T TH lNK THAT l'LL SEE YOU AGAlN .

WELL, UM--WAlT A MlNUTE, WAlT A MlNUTE.

WHY? BECAUSE OF TH lS?

NO. l JUST WONDER SOMETlMES. . .

lF lT'S GOOD TO FlND OUT SO MUCH SO QU lCK.

- UH, UH-- QU lCKLY. - SO QU lCKLY.

l TH lNK l'LL JUST GO AWAY FOR A WH lLE.

WHERE? l DON'T KNOW. l THOUGHT MAYBE l'D GO SEE MY DAD.

[Sighs] WELL, l GOT A BETTER lDEA. LET'S GET MARRlED.

ARE YOU CRAZY?

[Sighs] l HAVE BEEN,

BUT l LOVE YOU .

l CAN'T TH lNK ABOUT TH lS NOW.

WELL, WHO SAYS YOU GOTTA TH lNK ABOUT EVERYTH lNG ALL THE TlME?

BlLLlE!

THERE.

BlLLlE? MARRY ME?

GlMME THOSE PAPERS.

l CAN'T. [Harry] BlLLlE!

- GO QU lCK. HE'LL KlLL YOU . - BlLLlE.

OH, HELLO. l DlDN'T HEAR YOU .

- WHERE'VE YOU BEEN? - WHAT'S THE MATTER? DlD YOU MlSS ME?

l HAD AN lDEA.

YOU KNOW ME. l HATE WAlTlN' WHEN l GOT AN lDEA.

HEY, l DON'T BLAME YOU FOR BElN' MAD.

l WAS TH lNKlN' ABOUT WHY YOU'RE SO ON EDGE. . .

AND THEN l REALlZED THAT, UH,

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN TO ME.

l CAN FEEL HOW MUCH l MEAN TO YOU HARRY.

HEY, l'VE DONE A LOT OF GOOD TH lNGS TOO.

DON'T FORGET ABOUT THOSE JUST 'CAUSE OF ONE MlSTAKE. HERE.

MAYBE TH lS'LL HELP. [Clicks Tongue]

- BOY, WHEN lT RAlNS, lT POURS. - YEAH .

JUST NAME THE DATE.

l'M TH lNKlN' OF THE 1 3th.

- WHAT MONTH? - lT'S NOT A DAY.

lT'S THE TH lRTEENTH AMENDMENT: NO MORE SLAVERY.

- WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? - l CAN'T MARRY YOU, HARRY.

YOU'RE TOO DUMB.

YOU TH lNK DUMB PEOPLE MAKE TH lS MUCH MONEY?

l TH lNK ONLY A DUMB PERSON WOULD TH lNK MONEY MAKES 'EM SMART.

l GOT A DlFFERENT KlND OF LlFE lN MlND.

TH lS SOMETH lN' YOUR LlTTLE TEACHER TAUGHT YOU?

HE'S WHAT NEEDS TO BE DlFFERENT AROUND HERE.

- l DON'T WANT YOU SEElN' H lM NO MORE. - l WON'T.

- THAT'S MORE LlKE lT. - lT'S NOT BECAUSE OF YOU .

LOOK, YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT THE H lT. l KNOW.

l'M SORRY.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THAT H lT HARRY.

EVERYTH lNG THAT l'VE BEEN READlN' ABOUT AND LEARN lNG AND THAT PAUL'S BEEN TELLlN' ME,

lT MlXED ME UP.

BUT WHEN YOU H lT ME, lT WAS LlKE EVERYTH lNG JUST FELL TOGETHER AND MADE SENSE.

AND l SEE HOW SOME PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS GlVlN' lT AND SOME ARE ALWAYS TAKlN' lT,

AND l'M SWlTCH lN' CATEGORlES. l'M NOT TAKlN' lT ANYMORE.

OKAY, FlNE. LOOK, l GOT AN lDEA.

WHY DON'T WE GO TO MY ROOM, AND l'LL CALM YOU DOWN?

HEY, YOU MARRY ME OR YOU'LL BE SORRY!

l'M ALREADY SORRY! THAT'S WHY l'M LEAVlNG.

BlLLlE, l'M OFFERlNG TO MAKE YOU A REAL PARTNER,

A PARTNER lN HERE.

l WANT YOU TO BE MY WlFE.

MEN ARE UNBELlEVABLE.

l MEAN, l GlVE AND GlVE AND GlVE, AND lT'S LlKE WALLPAPER TO YOU .

YOU JUST WALK RlGHT PAST lT.

AND THEN YOU MAKE ONE EFFORT, AND YOU TH lNK THAT WE'RE EQUAL.

l MEAN, lT ONLY LOOKS LlKE A BlG EFFORT BECAUSE YOU NEVER MADE ONE BEFORE.

NO. NO. NO!

FlNE. FlNE. FlNE!

ED!

WE'LL SEE HOW YOU GET ALONG WlTHOUT ME.

YOU DON'T LOOK LlKE YOU DlD FlVE YEARS AGO.

YOU LOOK LlKE SH lT.

- OH, YEAH? WELL AS FAR AS l'M CONCERNED-- - YEAH?

VlCE-VERSA.

l'D FORGOTTEN HOW GREAT TH lS REALLY lS.

SHE'S LEAVlNG ME. LET'S MAKE SURE EVERYTH lNG'S lN ORDER.

OH, JESUS. WE GOTTA GET THESE COMPAN lES BACK lN MY NAME.

ARE YOU LOOKlNG FOR THAT STUFF THAT l'M ALWAYS SlGN lNG?

[Ed] YES.

- LlKE THAT FlLE? - [Ed] YES.

- lN THE BLUE COVER? - YES. YES.

[Doorbell Chimes] OH .

- PAUL HAS lT. - WHAT?

YOU GAVE lT TO H lM? WHY?

SO HE COULD TAKE 'EM TO THE PAPER.

ARE YOU SELLlN' ME OUT?

[Paul] HELLO? ANYBODY HOME?

JJ, LOCK THE DOORS.

GET lN HERE AND SlT DOWN .

WHY, THANK YOU . l'D LOVE A SEAT. MY FEET ARE KlLLlN' ME.

[Exhaling] OH .

HELLO.

- HOW'VE YOU BEEN? - VERY GOOD, THANK YOU .

- AND YOU? - PRETTY GOOD. BUSY.

ALRlGHT, CUT THE TEA PARTY CRAP!

lS SHE TELLlN' THE TRUTH? DlD YOU TAKE THAT STUFF TO THE PAPERS?

BlLLlE ALWAYS TELLS THE TRUTH .

ALL RlGHT, PAL, l DON'T CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, YOU BRlNG THOSE PAPERS BACK HERE,

OR l WlLL MAKE YOU VERY SORRY.

- TELL H lM l'M NOT BLUFFlN'. - [Low Voice] HE'S NOT BLUFFlN'.

LlKE ONCE--TH lS WOULD BE GOOD FOR THE ARTlCLE--ABOUT SlX YEARS AGO

THERE WAS A STRlKE AT ONE OF--

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW NOTH lN' ABOUT THAT!

l KNOW THAT WAS A DOUBLE NEGATlVE.

YOU STUPlD GODDAMN--

l ALSO HAPPEN TO KNOW YOU'VE BEEN PAYlN' PEOPLE OF

- SO THAT THEY WON'T SHUT DOWN THAT BASE. - WHAT?

OH, l FORGOT. YOU'RE NOT A BOOK READER LlKE US.

- YOU BRlBED 'EM! - NO, NO. BlLLlE, BlLLlE.

- "BRlBE" lS A STRONG WORD. - THEY GOT $1 50,000 EACH .

WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THAT, A TlP?

YOU HAD NO RlGHT TO TAKE THOSE PAPERS.

YOU HAD NO RlGHT TO DO WHAT YOU DlD, BUT YOU DlD lT.

AND NOW THAT YOU'VE DONE lT, THE PEOPLE HAVE A RlGHT TO KNOW.

- WHAT PEOPLE? -THE PEOPLE.

- NEVER HEARD OF 'EM. - OH, YOU WlLL.

1 2 OF 'EM ARE GONNA BE DEClDlN' WHERE YOU'RE GONNA LlVE.

SO WHO ARE YOU ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE GOVERNMENT?

AS A MATTER OF FACT, l AM.

- SlNCE WHEN? - SlNCE 1 776.

EXACTLY.

ALL RlGHT.

WHAT'LL lT TAKE, PAUL?

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - l TH lNK HE'S TRYlNG TO TlP YOU .

AHA.

- WHAT'LL YOU TAKE? - l'LL TAKE A BEER.

A LlGHT ONE lF YOU GOT lT.

GET BACK HERE. DON'T TRY TO GET FUNNY.

l AlN'T NEVER MET A GUY YET THAT DlDN'T HAVE H lS PRlCE.

- l'M READY TO TALK BlG NUMBERS. - OH, YOU AND YOUR BlG NUMBERS.

lF YOU DON'T WATCH OUT, YOU'LL BE WEARlNG BlG NUMBERS RlGHT ACROSS YOUR CHEST.

YOU SEE, HARRY, THERE ARE SOME TH lNGS THAT ARE MORE lMPORTANT THAN MONEY.

[Harry] LlKE WHAT, YOUR CAREER?

NOPE.

LlKE DOlN' THE RlGHT TH lNG.

COME ON, BlLLlE. LET'S GO.

- [Billie] HARRY. HARRY! - STOP lT!

- HARRY! HARRY! - WHAT ARE YOU DOlN'?

HARRY! YOU COULDA KlLLED H lM.

WHAT DO YOU CARE?

WHAT DO l CARE? 'M GONNA MARRY H lM, THAT'S WHAT l CARE!

- YOU WHAT? - YOU WHAT?

l'M GONNA MARRY H lM BECAUSE HE FlNALLY SMARTENED UP.

- l NEED A DRlNK. - LET ME GET lT FOR YOU, MR. DEVERY.

AM l lN THE ROOM?

HELLO! AM l lN THE ROOM?

YOU BEEN CHEATlN' ON ME ALL THE TlME WlTH TH lS GUY?

NO, WE NEVER DlD ANYTH lNG.

l WANTED TO, BUT HE WOULDN'T LET ME.

SO LET'S JUST DROP THE WHOLE TH lNG.

YOU GET HER AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT l'M DOlN'.

OH, BUT l DO WORRY, HARRY.

SEE, WE GOT TH lS BEAUTlFUL PlECE OF MACH lNERY--

l DON'T HAVE TO LlSTEN TO ANY MORE LECTURES FROM YOU .

YOU TALK MORE THAN A SENATOR.

YOU WANNA SCREW UP BROCK VlLLAGE? GO AHEAD!

l GOT PLENTY OTHER BUSlNESSES! SO GET OUT!

- l'M SlCK OF THE SlGHT OF BOTH OF YA! - PERHAPS YOU'RE FORGETTlN'

THAT YOUR OTHER BUSlNESSES BELONG TO ME

AW, CHRlST.

REMEMBER HOW YOU USED TO SAY WE'D GO AWAY, BUY A HOUSE ON THE BEACH?

WHY DlDN'T WE EVER DO THAT?

l COULDN'T DO THAT. l HAD TO WORK.

BUT WHY? YOU HAD FlVE COMPAN lES WHEN l MET YOU .

WHEN WAS lT GONNA BE ENOUGH SO WE COULD ENJOY lT?

ONE TH lNG l HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF. . .

lS YOU AND PROFESSOR WlNDBAG.

WELL, THAT WlLL BE CORRECTED SHORTLY WHEN l LEAVE.

HERE'S THE DEAL:

l'LL GlVE THE COMPAN lES BACK TO YOU, BUT ONLY ONE AT A TlME.

- WHAT? - AND ONLY ONE A YEAR.

- WHAT? - OH, MY GOD.

FlRST, YOU'RE CALLlNG THOSE SENATORS AND GETTlNG THAT MONEY BACK.

THEN YOU'RE GETTlN' OUT OF TOWN, OR PAUL WlLL WRlTE THAT STORY.

lF l TAKE THAT MONEY BACK, THEY CLOSE THE BASE. l LOSE THE MALL.

WHAT AM l SUPPOSED TO DO lF YOU HAVE ALL MY COMPAN lES?

- MAYBE TAKE A WATERCOLOR CLASS. - VERY FUNNY.

- ALSO, YOU SHOULD WALK THE BEACH . - l DON'T LlVE NEAR A BEACH .

WELL, THAT'S OKAY. l'M RlCH FOR A LlTTLE BlT. l'LL BUY YOU A BEACH,

AND l'LL PAY FOR YOUR WATERCOLOR CLASS,

AND l'LL GET YOU A TlCKET TO THE MUSEUM SO YOU CAN SEE THAT VAN GOGH PAlNTlNG.

ARE YOU NUTS? WHY SHOULD l DO ALL TH lS STUFF?

- YOU HAVE TO ASK WHY? - YEAH .

THAT'S WHY. SO YOU'LL KNOW WHAT ALL THAT STUFF lS FOR.

THEN MAYBE YOU'LL FlND A LlTTLE BlT OF WHAT l'VE FOUND.

TRUST ME, HARRY. TH lS WlLL MAKE YOU HAPPY.

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

WHAT DO YOU TH lNK, l WAS BORN YESTERDAY?

GOD, l LOVE TH lS WOMAN .

- BYE, JJ . - BYE.

- YOU READY? - ABSOLUTELY.

YOU DO WHAT l'M TELLlN' YA!

♪♪