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1
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:04,536
Finally, I'm invited
to Steve and Roger's
2
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:06,138
Stews and Views Night...
3
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:09,674
Delicious stews and gut-bustin'
Internet videos.
4
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,676
People said threatening
suicide on Facebook Live
5
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,545
was over the line, but I made it,
6
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,414
and I don't care how I got here.
7
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,482
Whatever. The stews are a-stewin'.
8
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:21,353
Let's get the videos a-downlewdin'!
9
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,821
"Newscaster bloopers."
10
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,289
Hey, how about this one?
11
00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:26,691
What really happened here at
South Lanceton High School
12
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,293
that led to Billy Carson's death...
13
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:30,429
[Choking] The [bleep] is this?!
14
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:32,297
I'm dying in this country-ass town!
15
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:33,832
Shit flying in my mouth!
16
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,101
We need to get the [bleep]
out of this country [bleep]
17
00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:38,370
- [Laughter]
- _
18
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:41,239
Dad, are you gonna
move back in with Mom?
19
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:43,241
Klaus: Gadzooks! Is that Steve?
20
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:45,778
Sorry, son. No can do.
21
00:00:45,780 --> 00:00:48,246
But what I can do is
get an 18-inch pizza
22
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,114
for the price of a 12!
23
00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:51,383
All right!
24
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:54,719
♪♪
25
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,789
Is that Roger playing the same kid?
26
00:00:56,791 --> 00:00:59,591
Roger: You can tell us apart.
Impressive.
27
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,794
I love coming here every other weekend!
28
00:01:01,796 --> 00:01:03,862
It's way more fun than the places I go
29
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:04,929
with Mom and Tony.
30
00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:06,799
Tony?! My business partner?!
31
00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:09,668
♪ At Pizza Overlord ♪
32
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:13,205
♪ We've been makin'
pizza for years and years ♪
33
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,540
Gadzooks! Were you two...
34
00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:17,676
Twin child actors? Yes.
35
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,478
Was it not obvious from the video?
36
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,080
If this clown eats stews
as bad as he views,
37
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,549
we've made a grave mistake.
38
00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:27,352
♪♪
39
00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:30,022
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
40
00:01:30,024 --> 00:01:33,625
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
41
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:36,761
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
42
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:40,499
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
43
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:43,301
♪♪
44
00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:46,038
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
45
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,841
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
46
00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:49,908
Aah!
47
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:51,376
♪♪
48
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:54,513
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
49
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,315
I never knew you guys
were twin child actors.
50
00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:59,384
Yes. We were.
51
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,853
[Sighs] Here we go.
52
00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:02,921
Like all Hollywood fairy tales,
53
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,724
this one begins at the mall food court.
54
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,527
And like all meals at
the mall food court,
55
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:12,330
it ends in a messy pile of shit.
56
00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:13,932
Franny used to dress us as brothers,
57
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:18,002
because Twice Cream offers free
ice cream to pairs of twins.
58
00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:20,472
Triplets get nothing,
unless one of them waits outside
59
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,741
while the other two go in.
I saw that once.
60
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,677
Reported it immediately.
Got a free cone.
61
00:02:24,679 --> 00:02:28,080
Steve: Anyway, we were spotted
by a local casting agent.
62
00:02:28,082 --> 00:02:29,882
Soon, we were snagging more roles
63
00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:32,417
than a poor family at a Golden Corral.
64
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:34,018
[Laughs] That's good.
65
00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:35,620
It was like we were real brothers.
66
00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,622
Getting into twin antics on set,
67
00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:40,358
or as we called them, "twinanigans."
68
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,826
We were a dynamite tandem.
69
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,963
Steve could cry on cue,
and I could eat on cue!
70
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,566
Eventually, we were approached
by Hollywood agents
71
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:50,235
from the Twinseltown Talent Agency.
72
00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:51,836
Yep, we were gonna be big.
73
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,306
As big as Matt and John Amendola,
74
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,909
who are not famous but just
these two really cool guys
75
00:02:56,911 --> 00:02:58,911
I went to high school with
and I-I sort of use them
76
00:02:58,913 --> 00:03:02,714
as the standard for what I
hope to achieve in my life.
77
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,784
But then, Grammy legend
Quit-sey Jones over here
78
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:08,052
- pulled the plug!
- I was 5, Roger!
79
00:03:08,054 --> 00:03:09,654
I had to start kindergarten!
80
00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:10,923
You boned us, Steve.
81
00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:12,391
We'll never know how
far we could've gone!
82
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:16,194
We could've been on the cover
of Double-Stuffed Magazine,
83
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,397
the only magazine
dedicated solely to twins,
84
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:21,967
double-penetration, and Oreos!
85
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:27,739
It's important to go on walks.
86
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,474
So my body doesn't forget how.
87
00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:31,543
I like when cars drive by too fast,
88
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,412
so I can grab my crotch and yell,
89
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:34,813
"Slow down, ya jagoff!
90
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:38,483
We got friggin' kids here!"
91
00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:39,952
Running messes up my knee.
92
00:03:39,954 --> 00:03:42,121
Walking is less stressful on my body.
93
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,558
Oh, my God! I'm so, so sorry!
94
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,226
But I'm in a terrible hurry!
95
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,694
Here, take my credit card.
96
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:52,230
Pay for whatever you need!
97
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,898
[Bones crunch]
98
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,900
- We should call the police.
- Hang on, girlie.
99
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,036
We've got a blank check here... Damn it!
100
00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:00,238
It's a credit card for Spencer's Gifts.
101
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:04,309
So, we can only use it at that
novelty store at the mall?
102
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:07,512
"Where membership has its bene-farts"?
103
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:10,649
And it also says that memberships
are non-trans-fartable.
104
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,384
There's actually a lot
of fine print here,
105
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:15,320
and it's all pretty good fart jokes.
106
00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:17,589
- ♪ Years and years ♪
- [Tape rewinds]
107
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,724
- [Crying]
- ♪ Years and years ♪
108
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,125
[Sobbing]
109
00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:22,995
Are you still upset
about our acting career?
110
00:04:22,997 --> 00:04:25,197
Our acting career. Yes.
111
00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:26,665
That you ruined!
112
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,933
You stripped me of super-stardom!
113
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,602
I should be walking on the red carpet,
114
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,338
not sitting on the couch
in this funny position!
115
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:35,874
[Sobbing]
116
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,876
You're never gonna let this go, are you?
117
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,678
What's up, playas?
118
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,347
Wanted to invite you to
Klaus's new signature night,
119
00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:43,615
Soups and Hoops.
120
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,617
How am I supposed
to get over this, Steve?
121
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,020
Oh, God. Soups and Hoops?
122
00:04:48,022 --> 00:04:50,823
Okay, what are the hoops?
Basketball? Hula?
123
00:04:50,825 --> 00:04:53,758
Well, that's the fun part.
I haven't decided yet.
124
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,895
Roger, that was so long ago.
W-What can I do?
125
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:59,964
A-A-And I'm sorry.
You haven't decided yet?
126
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,567
Why are you even here?
127
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,970
I should be a has-been by now!
128
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,239
People should be like, "Oh, look!
129
00:05:07,241 --> 00:05:09,574
It's the guy from that thing.
He got fat."
130
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,776
It sounds so magical!
131
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:13,145
[Sobbing]
132
00:05:17,051 --> 00:05:19,918
This better be some piñata, Steve.
133
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,120
Surprise! Look familiar?
134
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,655
Nope, never been here in my...
135
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,858
The booth we shot our commercial in?
136
00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:27,526
My most treasured memory!
137
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,728
You were never gonna stop
harping on this acting thing
138
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,129
until you got some closure.
139
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,665
I actually thought I'd been
pretty cool about it.
140
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:37,202
So... I called Twinseltown Talent.
141
00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:40,072
And they still want to represent us!
142
00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:42,941
And I do have summer break coming up.
143
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:46,478
[Gasps] Steve, what are you doing?
144
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,747
Two tickets to L.A.
145
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,215
What do you say, "brother"?
146
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:53,151
Want to give our acting career
the shot it never got?
147
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,353
Oh, my God! Yes, Steve, yes!
148
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,690
The Smith brothers
are going to Hollywood!
149
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,759
We can't miss our connection to Boise!
150
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,827
Two layovers? How cheap are you?
151
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:06,165
We'll make it! Because the Smith
brothers are going to Ho...
152
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,767
You brought your passport, right?
153
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:10,936
We have a stop in Vancouver.
154
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,642
Sweet pad. Thanks for setting it up.
155
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:20,846
We're just thrilled to have
you boys at Twinseltown Talent.
156
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,247
Greggy and I are also twins,
157
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:24,716
so we totally get where
you're coming from.
158
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,585
You guys... are twins?
159
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:31,056
Yep, except I snaked most of
my bro's nutrients in the womb.
160
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,124
Gimme those nutrients!
[Growls playfully]
161
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,194
Open up that skull and
gimme those nutrients!
162
00:06:35,196 --> 00:06:36,928
[Laughs] I'm just kiddin'.
163
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:39,198
I love this guy.
164
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,267
[Hoarsely] Okay, boys,
let's get you some...
165
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:45,004
[Gasps]
166
00:06:45,006 --> 00:06:46,004
Is he...
167
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:48,473
[Gasps] Head shots!
168
00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:54,012
♪♪
169
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,881
Okay, Steve, come try this on.
170
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,616
You know which one of us is Steve,
171
00:06:57,618 --> 00:07:00,886
but can you tell... after this?
172
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:03,154
- I'm Steve.
- No, I'm Steve!
173
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,956
- No, you're Steve!
- No, you're Steve!
174
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:08,359
Ugh, do you have to do this
after every outfit change?
175
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,095
[Both laugh]
176
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,830
- Twin it to win it!
- Twin it to win it!
177
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,298
Good news, boys.
178
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:16,635
We just got you your first
Hollywood commercial!
179
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,303
- Yeah!
- Yay!
180
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:19,771
But where's Greggy?
181
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,173
If I know my Greggy... [Chuckles]
182
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,375
he's either getting trim,
183
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,844
looking for trim,
184
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,979
or having experimental surgery
185
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:31,382
to stabilize his central nervous system.
186
00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:34,052
♪♪
187
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:36,655
I can't believe we get to
spend that fool's money,
188
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:37,989
but it has to be at this dump.
189
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,258
This place is for losers.
190
00:07:39,260 --> 00:07:40,859
Hey, guys! You shop here, too?
191
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:43,061
Ugh. Look at all this junk.
192
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,863
What are you talking about?
193
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:48,867
♪ Who... can take some pasta ♪
194
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:52,203
♪ Shape it like a dick? ♪
195
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:55,474
♪ Make a fake poo that
is perfect for a trick? ♪
196
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:58,877
♪ Spencer's Gifts, Spencer's Gifts can ♪
197
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:02,213
- ♪ Who can make a fart sound ♪
- [Whoopie cushion farts]
198
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:05,550
♪ When no one needs to fart? ♪
199
00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:08,687
♪ Marijuana clothing,
this is where you need to start ♪
200
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,689
At?
201
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,357
Sp-Spencer's Gifts?
202
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:15,360
♪ Spencer's Gifts can
'cause they stock their gags ♪
203
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,028
♪ With love ♪
204
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,030
♪ And the lube ♪
205
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:22,901
♪ Tastes goo-o-o-o-d ♪
206
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:26,037
Ha-cha!
207
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,773
Cedar plank salmon again?
208
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,109
Bo-ring!
209
00:08:30,111 --> 00:08:32,711
I want something more
[Distorted] extreme!
210
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:33,912
Like what?
211
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:37,382
♪♪
212
00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:40,919
Mascot: Like Slammin' Canned Salmon,
ya kooky broad!
213
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:44,323
Choose from three radical mouth feels...
214
00:08:44,325 --> 00:08:45,857
solid, liquid,
215
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:49,995
and b-b-boney as hell!
216
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:51,730
- Director: Cut!
- [Bell rings]
217
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,264
Beautiful, Steve.
218
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:55,066
But you've worked your max hours.
219
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,868
Let's sub in the twin!
220
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,269
- Twin it to win it!
- Twin it to win it!
221
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,672
Okay, last shot. All you have to do
222
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,073
is take a bite and say,
223
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,409
"This salmon is slammin'!"
224
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:05,877
You got it, dude.
225
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,346
And...
226
00:09:07,348 --> 00:09:08,814
action!
227
00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:11,150
[Muffled] Dis sammon mis smamon!
228
00:09:11,152 --> 00:09:12,283
Cut!
229
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,820
You need to actually swallow the salmon.
230
00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,021
Right, right. Cool note.
231
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,889
[Sighs] And...
232
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,491
action!
233
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,693
This... salmon...
234
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,362
is... slammin'.
235
00:09:23,364 --> 00:09:26,898
Cut! You keep standing up
during your lines.
236
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,967
Did I... No. Really?
237
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:31,436
- [Beep]
- This... salmon...
238
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,238
is...
239
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,173
[Beep]
240
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:39,310
Nobody wants to marry
a poor farmer's daughter.
241
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,713
Honk, honk. [Laughs]
242
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:43,448
[Beep]
243
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,650
This salmon is...
244
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:46,918
- slambin'?
- Cut!
245
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,387
Close enough!
246
00:09:48,389 --> 00:09:49,721
Great job, guys.
247
00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:51,056
You crushed it.
248
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,258
Hollywood's buzzin', and guess what?
249
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,727
They're remaking "The Parent Trap,"
250
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,863
and I got you an audition.
251
00:09:57,865 --> 00:10:00,131
They're calling it... "Boy Bait."
252
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:02,133
- "Boy Bait"! "Boy Bait"!
- "Boy Bait"! "Boy Bait"!
253
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,936
I think the salmon
mascot is Tilda Swinton.
254
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:08,339
Do you think she could carve
out a little time to give me...
255
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,476
a chance to give her
some acting pointers?
256
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:15,214
"Hey, I know! Let's switch places!
257
00:10:15,216 --> 00:10:17,749
"I'll go to Beverly Hills
and live with your mom.
258
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:21,152
"And you go to Detroit to
help my dad trap pigeons
259
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,154
"and struggle with his PTSD!
260
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,689
"It's the perfect swap.
261
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:27,026
Whaddya say?"
262
00:10:27,028 --> 00:10:29,428
[Strained grunting]
263
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:39,638
"That slammin' is salmon!"
264
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:45,176
Well, I think we just found
our Shawn and D'Shawn McIntyre!
265
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,312
Yay! You will not regret this.
266
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,114
Now, just a little scheduling thing...
267
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,917
Next Wednesday,
I'm going to Australia for two months.
268
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:54,319
Oh, sorry, you misunderstood.
269
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,121
We only want to cast Steve.
270
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,457
But... the roles are for two boys.
271
00:10:58,459 --> 00:11:00,125
Yeah, we'll just do special effects,
272
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:01,526
use Steve for both parts.
273
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,595
That's an amazing opportunity, but...
274
00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:06,397
But I know I speak for
both of us when I say
275
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:09,134
Steve is nothing without me. Half a man.
276
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,669
- Roger, I-I was turning...
- He's pimply,
277
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,472
he lies about actually liking lasagna,
and his voice is all,
278
00:11:13,474 --> 00:11:15,941
[High-pitched] "Hey,
can I have the key to your restroom?"
279
00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:17,476
What the hell, Roger?
280
00:11:17,478 --> 00:11:20,011
You guilt trip me for years
about ruining your career,
281
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:23,081
and when I get my chance,
you flip out and bash me?
282
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:26,551
- Yeah?
- Sir, I'll take the parts!
283
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:27,886
If you do this, Steve,
284
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,355
then know the Smith brothers are over!
285
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,758
Big deal! You're a terrible actor!
286
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,026
The only thing they ever
use you for is the eating!
287
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,628
How dare you!
288
00:11:36,630 --> 00:11:38,964
Excuse me, sir,
will there be any eating in this film?
289
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:40,632
- No.
- Screw you, Steve!
290
00:11:40,634 --> 00:11:41,700
I'm a superstar!
291
00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:44,503
In fact, this town ain't big
enough for the both of us!
292
00:11:44,505 --> 00:11:46,037
This town is huge.
293
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,306
I don't recognize anything.
294
00:11:47,308 --> 00:11:49,240
Where the hell am I?
295
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,575
[Car horn honks]
296
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:53,112
♪♪
297
00:11:53,114 --> 00:11:55,780
Honey, I'm home!
298
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:59,651
Tonight, we'll be having an
edible-underwear summer salad,
299
00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:02,654
paired with dick-shaped pasta al dente.
300
00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:05,456
Today, I put another great
bumper sticker on my car...
301
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:08,393
"My other ride is your mom."
302
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,661
So tight.
303
00:12:09,663 --> 00:12:11,997
Everyone, raise your boob mugs.
304
00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:14,533
Someone recently asked
me if I was happy.
305
00:12:14,535 --> 00:12:18,337
And, for the first time in my life,
I could honestly say,
306
00:12:18,339 --> 00:12:21,140
"Thanks to Spencer's Gifts, yes,
307
00:12:21,142 --> 00:12:23,008
yes, I am!"
308
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:25,410
♪♪
309
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,279
Okay, you're a caterer,
but just for today.
310
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,816
You're gonna serve these
Hollywood elites some appetizers
311
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:32,151
and knock their socks off.
312
00:12:32,153 --> 00:12:36,221
Time to become just as famous as Steve.
313
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:37,556
- [Whack]
- I'm a star.
314
00:12:37,558 --> 00:12:41,026
I'm a star.
I'm a big, bright, shining star.
315
00:12:43,164 --> 00:12:44,363
So, what do you do?
316
00:12:44,365 --> 00:12:46,698
I'm, uh... I'm a director.
317
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,700
Oh, you're gonna want some napkins.
318
00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:50,769
They're my head shot!
319
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:54,506
Hey, everyone,
the trailer for my new movie's on TV!
320
00:12:54,508 --> 00:12:56,775
♪♪
321
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,044
- Twin it to win it!
- Twin it to win it!
322
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:01,246
That was our catchphrase.
323
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:03,582
[Sniffles] Look at me, all riled up.
324
00:13:03,584 --> 00:13:06,117
Need something to calm my nerves.
325
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,053
[Indistinct conversations]
326
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:10,389
♪♪
327
00:13:10,391 --> 00:13:12,123
I've got eyes on the narcotics.
328
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,393
Everyone, freeze! D.E.A.!
329
00:13:14,395 --> 00:13:16,728
[All exclaim indistinctly]
330
00:13:16,730 --> 00:13:20,399
I-I'm innocent! I'm so innocent,
I could jog to San Diego!
331
00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:24,203
No! My...
332
00:13:24,205 --> 00:13:25,537
Claritin!
333
00:13:25,539 --> 00:13:27,672
♪♪
334
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:31,410
Mr. Smith, we caught you with
several kilos of cocaine.
335
00:13:31,412 --> 00:13:35,214
Fortunately for you,
we got our eye on someone bigger...
336
00:13:35,216 --> 00:13:37,348
"Nose Candy" Andy Benedict,
337
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,751
the biggest coke dealer in Los Angeles.
338
00:13:39,753 --> 00:13:42,621
Well, if cocaine's illegal,
then you better lock me...
339
00:13:42,623 --> 00:13:44,489
Oh, wait, I remember how I got here.
340
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,758
Listen, we'll drop your charges...
341
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,761
if you engage
in a sting to bust Benedict.
342
00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:52,631
You play the part, we let you go.
343
00:13:52,633 --> 00:13:54,165
Play the part?
344
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,835
Yeah, I can do that. I'll act my ass off
345
00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:59,438
and prove I'm just as
good an actor as Steve.
346
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,908
To be clear,
this is extremely dangerous.
347
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:05,777
[Scoffs] If you think
that's dangerous, try...
348
00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:07,913
escaping from police headquarters!
349
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:10,149
[Grunting]
350
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,421
All right. I'll do it.
351
00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:21,393
♪♪
352
00:14:21,395 --> 00:14:23,795
- Roger?
- Well, well, well.
353
00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:25,797
Look who came crawling right back
354
00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:27,733
when my career started blowing up.
355
00:14:27,735 --> 00:14:30,402
You called me to come here.
What is all this?
356
00:14:30,404 --> 00:14:33,138
I'm playing the lead
in a dangerous sting.
357
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:34,940
And I have you to thank, Steve.
358
00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:36,875
If you hadn't ditched your own brother,
359
00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:39,010
I wouldn't have found my real family...
360
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,946
These D.E.A. agents,
361
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,948
Mark and...
362
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:46,084
I want to say L'Kevin.
363
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,819
Sting? D.E.A.?
364
00:14:47,821 --> 00:14:50,422
Th-This doesn't sound
like a good idea, Roger.
365
00:14:50,424 --> 00:14:52,824
Time to go. Benedict's expecting us
366
00:14:52,826 --> 00:14:54,826
at the abandoned amusement park.
367
00:14:54,828 --> 00:14:57,629
Goodbye, Steven.
I'm off to become famous.
368
00:14:57,631 --> 00:15:00,632
Soon, I'll be the one
stuffing my liberal agenda
369
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:03,235
down real Americans' throats.
370
00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:06,438
[Muffled] Has anyone
seen Roger or Steve?
371
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,240
I think they're at Space Camp
372
00:15:08,242 --> 00:15:11,643
or Rite Aid or something.
373
00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:13,111
You monsters!
374
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,313
I'm 9 grand in debt!
375
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:17,983
This has all gotta get returned, now!
376
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:21,052
No can do, bud.
We used the hell out of everything.
377
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,387
Oh, my God.
378
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,856
I'm... ruined!
379
00:15:24,858 --> 00:15:26,258
I'm gonna lose it all.
380
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:28,193
My house. My car.
381
00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:29,661
My car's house...
382
00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:32,998
which is the fun,
little way I refer to my garage.
383
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,000
I'm just gonna kill myself!
384
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:37,135
[Whimpering]
385
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,337
Life's not so bad, mister.
386
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:41,339
[Whoopie cushion farts]
387
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,141
[Chuckles]
388
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:46,812
[Laughter]
389
00:15:46,814 --> 00:15:48,013
[Sighs]
390
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:52,818
So shines a good deed in a weary world.
391
00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:56,354
I'm the Spencer of Spencer's Gifts.
392
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:57,956
I've been running people over for years
393
00:15:57,958 --> 00:16:00,292
to see who would pass my test.
394
00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:03,962
You're the first family who did.
395
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:04,896
Oh, my God!
396
00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:07,633
Are we inheriting your novelty empire?
397
00:16:07,635 --> 00:16:08,634
No.
398
00:16:11,105 --> 00:16:12,370
- Wait.
- [Bell rings]
399
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,105
Places! Steve,
400
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:15,974
you're pouring your heart
out to your brother.
401
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,309
Meryl Streep, Ludacris,
402
00:16:17,311 --> 00:16:20,378
you're very proud of your son.
403
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,513
Action!
404
00:16:21,515 --> 00:16:23,115
We had quite a summer.
405
00:16:23,117 --> 00:16:26,518
We tricked some grown-ups,
solved that triple homicide.
406
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,187
But you know what the best part was?
407
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,922
Hanging with you, D'Shawn.
408
00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:32,124
We spent our whole summer
409
00:16:32,126 --> 00:16:35,060
trying to get our parents back together,
410
00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:37,062
but I finally realize...
411
00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:40,132
parents come and go,
412
00:16:40,134 --> 00:16:44,002
but twins are forever.
413
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,872
[Gasps]
414
00:16:46,874 --> 00:16:50,208
Is that true?
415
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:53,745
Psst, I had a few ideas about
my character's back story.
416
00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:56,448
Don't talk into your mike!
It's very conspicuous.
417
00:16:58,085 --> 00:16:59,751
- You him?
- If by "him,"
418
00:16:59,753 --> 00:17:03,489
you mean a lowly delivery guy
born in Pensacola, Florida,
419
00:17:03,491 --> 00:17:05,157
doing this for his quadriplegic son
420
00:17:05,159 --> 00:17:07,493
who talks in a Pittsburgh
accent like this...
421
00:17:07,495 --> 00:17:11,697
"Hey, Dyad, yinz guys
need to stop jaggin' arahnd."
422
00:17:11,699 --> 00:17:13,431
Uh...
423
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,668
just show us the merchandise.
424
00:17:19,573 --> 00:17:21,439
Did... Did you have a mustache?
425
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,975
What? Too butch? Too "Super Mario"?
426
00:17:23,977 --> 00:17:26,044
Good call. Let's lose it.
427
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:28,113
Boss, I don't know about this.
428
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,915
You're right.
This scene is totally not working.
429
00:17:29,917 --> 00:17:32,718
Am I giving too much?
Are you not giving enough?
430
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,319
Is it too late to introduce a limp?
431
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:36,254
All great questions. I'm gonna take 10,
432
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,656
then we'll hit it hard.
433
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,599
The limp feels all right!
434
00:17:47,601 --> 00:17:49,467
[Whispering] Roger, what are you doing?
435
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,803
Proving I'm just as
good an actor as you.
436
00:17:51,805 --> 00:17:54,139
And I know exactly what
this scene's missing...
437
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:56,007
sex appeal!
438
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:57,710
He's wearing a wire!
439
00:18:00,348 --> 00:18:02,280
I'm nervous they saw the mike.
440
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:03,749
We got to pull him out!
441
00:18:03,751 --> 00:18:05,217
Not yet.
442
00:18:05,219 --> 00:18:06,552
He's got this.
443
00:18:06,554 --> 00:18:08,086
How do we get out of this?
444
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,888
With twinanigans.
445
00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:14,826
♪♪
446
00:18:14,828 --> 00:18:17,429
Hey, henchman, I'm over here!
447
00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:19,231
♪ One can have a dream, baby ♪
448
00:18:19,233 --> 00:18:23,101
- Or am I over here?
- ♪ Two can make that dream so real ♪
449
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:24,370
How'd he get over...
450
00:18:26,374 --> 00:18:29,975
[Slow-motion death rattle]
451
00:18:29,977 --> 00:18:31,376
[Bell dings]
452
00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:32,644
♪ One can wish upon a star ♪
453
00:18:32,646 --> 00:18:34,446
- Twin it to win it!
- Twin it to win it!
454
00:18:34,448 --> 00:18:36,782
♪ Two can make that wish
come true, yeah ♪
455
00:18:36,784 --> 00:18:37,983
[Both laugh]
456
00:18:37,985 --> 00:18:39,517
♪ One can stand alone in the dark ♪
457
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:40,852
[Gunshots]
458
00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:43,255
♪ Two can make the light shine through ♪
459
00:18:43,257 --> 00:18:46,291
- ♪ It takes two, baby ♪
- ♪ It takes two, baby ♪
460
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:49,728
- ♪ It takes two, baby ♪
- ♪ It takes two, baby ♪
461
00:18:49,730 --> 00:18:52,063
- It appears you're seeing double.
- ♪ Me and you ♪
462
00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:53,065
Double trouble.
463
00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:55,467
- [Both laugh]
- ♪ Just takes two ♪
464
00:18:55,469 --> 00:18:56,802
Steve: Hey, we're up here!
465
00:18:56,804 --> 00:18:59,204
- [Both laugh]
- ♪ It takes two, baby ♪
466
00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:02,408
- ♪ It takes two, baby ♪
- [Both laugh]
467
00:19:02,410 --> 00:19:06,678
♪ Me and you, just takes two ♪
468
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,614
-Twin it to...
-Twin it to... - [Gunshots]
469
00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:12,017
We're out of twinanigans. What now?
470
00:19:12,019 --> 00:19:14,686
We use our God-given talents.
471
00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:18,223
Look, before you kill us,
I just want to say...
472
00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:19,958
I love my brother.
473
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,693
[Voice breaking] You can shoot me,
474
00:19:21,695 --> 00:19:24,029
and you can shoot him.
475
00:19:24,031 --> 00:19:26,098
But brotherhood?
476
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:28,500
That bond is bulletproof.
477
00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:30,568
That's... beautif...
478
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,971
Now, Roger! Use your talent!
479
00:19:32,973 --> 00:19:35,507
Eat stuff!
480
00:19:35,509 --> 00:19:37,576
[Slow-motion creaking]
481
00:19:39,980 --> 00:19:41,513
[Gulps]
482
00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:43,581
So, was that speech from "Boy Bait"?
483
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:46,184
No, Roger, it was from the heart.
484
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,253
Well, actually, the first part was from
"Boondock Saints."
485
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:50,055
Ah, that movie's bad ass.
486
00:19:50,057 --> 00:19:53,191
Oh, and how 'bout "Rounders"?
So bad ass!
487
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:55,127
I can't believe you put
yourself in danger
488
00:19:55,129 --> 00:19:56,594
just to help your career.
489
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,130
It was never about the career.
490
00:19:58,132 --> 00:20:00,866
When we stopped acting,
you got your own life,
491
00:20:00,868 --> 00:20:02,934
and we stopped being brothers.
492
00:20:02,936 --> 00:20:04,736
I didn't want to lose that again.
493
00:20:04,738 --> 00:20:07,673
Roger, just because
we stopped being fake twins
494
00:20:07,675 --> 00:20:10,609
doesn't mean we aren't
still real fake brothers.
495
00:20:13,013 --> 00:20:17,282
[Slow-motion] N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
496
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:18,884
[Creak]
497
00:20:25,092 --> 00:20:26,624
Roger!
498
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:27,759
Tell you what, Steve.
499
00:20:27,761 --> 00:20:29,427
I think I'm done with acting.
500
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:33,631
In fact, you could say I don't
have the stomach for it anymore.
501
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:36,101
[Laughs] Ow! Ohh.
502
00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:38,770
So, bro, you gonna miss show biz?
503
00:20:38,772 --> 00:20:41,106
Eh, acting was always temporary for me.
504
00:20:41,108 --> 00:20:44,176
You know I have my heart
set on pharmaceutical sales.
505
00:20:44,178 --> 00:20:45,377
Aah, a huge rat!
506
00:20:45,379 --> 00:20:47,513
[Gunshots]
507
00:20:47,515 --> 00:20:50,248
Oh, it's just an old T-shirt.
Grab that for me, Steve.
508
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:53,085
- ♪ It takes two, baby ♪
- ♪ It takes two, baby ♪
509
00:20:53,187 --> 00:20:55,921
- ♪ It takes two, baby ♪
- ♪ It takes two, baby ♪
510
00:20:55,923 --> 00:20:58,190
♪ To make a dream come true ♪
511
00:20:58,192 --> 00:20:59,992
Bye-bye. See you soon!
512
00:21:02,073 --> 00:21:04,087
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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